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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,867 --> 00:00:53,867 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:06,111 Well, good news. 3 00:01:06,113 --> 00:01:08,313 I found your car keys. 4 00:01:08,315 --> 00:01:10,716 That's where I left them. 5 00:01:10,718 --> 00:01:13,153 You know, you have the prostate of an 18-year-old. 6 00:01:13,155 --> 00:01:15,320 Nice! I'd rather have his dick, 7 00:01:15,322 --> 00:01:17,223 but you get what you get. 8 00:01:17,225 --> 00:01:19,959 Next time, buy me dinner first. 9 00:01:22,731 --> 00:01:24,697 That's a good one. 10 00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:25,831 I like that joke. 11 00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:28,336 I hadn't heard that before. 12 00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:35,542 Come on. Why do I have to go? 13 00:01:35,544 --> 00:01:36,575 Because 14 00:01:36,577 --> 00:01:37,810 it's his weekend and you're not missing 15 00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:38,843 your grandmother's wedding. 16 00:01:38,845 --> 00:01:39,945 It's no fun there. 17 00:01:39,947 --> 00:01:41,313 Last time he made me watch 18 00:01:41,315 --> 00:01:43,582 an entire Super Bowl from 1979. 19 00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,718 Who watches a 30-year-old football game? 20 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,388 He's always angry or pissed off... 21 00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:51,090 Don't say that about your father. 22 00:01:51,092 --> 00:01:52,591 It's not my fault he's an asshole. 23 00:01:52,593 --> 00:01:53,860 We're not having this discussion. 24 00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,227 Go get your bag. 25 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,910 Pick Enterprise. 26 00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:12,310 We'll pick you up. 27 00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:13,779 In New York City, 28 00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:15,515 the dedicated detectives who investigate 29 00:02:15,517 --> 00:02:17,850 these vicious felonies are members of 30 00:02:17,852 --> 00:02:20,153 an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. 31 00:02:20,155 --> 00:02:22,054 These are their stories. 32 00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:43,108 Hello. 33 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:44,845 Ah, there you are. 34 00:02:44,847 --> 00:02:45,911 Hello. 35 00:02:45,913 --> 00:02:47,012 - Hey, Peter. - Sweetheart. 36 00:02:47,014 --> 00:02:48,280 Mom, you look radiant. 37 00:02:48,282 --> 00:02:49,516 - Thank you. - Hi, Sheila. 38 00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:51,149 These are for Mom's bunions. 39 00:02:51,151 --> 00:02:53,118 If you want her on her feet in two hours, 40 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,553 you'll make sure she wears those. 41 00:02:54,555 --> 00:02:56,723 Thank you, darling. That was sweet. 42 00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:57,957 You know, Peter, 43 00:02:57,959 --> 00:03:00,527 if ever you start questioning your sexuality, 44 00:03:00,529 --> 00:03:04,363 I'd love to introduce you to my son, Jason. 45 00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:07,399 - He's got a tight little butt. - Ooh. 46 00:03:07,401 --> 00:03:09,168 I'll be downstairs if you need me. 47 00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:11,104 - Thank you, Sheila. - Wow. 48 00:03:11,106 --> 00:03:12,573 Good to know. 49 00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:15,208 Good for Jason. 50 00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,410 Where's Ethan? 51 00:03:17,412 --> 00:03:20,215 Uh, he's here somewhere. Happy as a clam. 52 00:03:22,015 --> 00:03:24,384 Oh, don't be discouraged. 53 00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:25,821 You're a great dad. 54 00:03:26,587 --> 00:03:28,119 Just love him 55 00:03:28,121 --> 00:03:30,390 and be there for him. 56 00:03:30,392 --> 00:03:33,228 And maybe loosen up a little. 57 00:03:33,862 --> 00:03:35,229 I'm loose. 58 00:03:36,732 --> 00:03:38,731 I mean... 59 00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:40,600 I'm loose, whatevs. 60 00:03:40,602 --> 00:03:42,468 Have you seen your brother yet? 61 00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:45,004 Hmm? Oh, you invited him? 62 00:03:49,109 --> 00:03:51,277 Life is so crazy, man. 63 00:03:51,279 --> 00:03:54,380 One minute, you're napping in Maui, unemployed, 64 00:03:54,382 --> 00:03:57,016 uneducated, 30 bucks to your name, 65 00:03:57,018 --> 00:03:59,351 the next minute, some guy's walking up to you, 66 00:03:59,353 --> 00:04:01,220 asking if he can put your picture 67 00:04:01,222 --> 00:04:03,321 on a barbeque sauce bottle. 68 00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:04,958 And the next minute 69 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,760 they're giving you three cents for every bottle they sell. 70 00:04:07,762 --> 00:04:08,962 And the next minute 71 00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,697 they're selling 30 million of these bad boys. 72 00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:13,166 And then the next minute... 73 00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:15,702 You're wearing a white leather jacket 74 00:04:15,704 --> 00:04:18,670 and white high-tops to your mom's wedding. 75 00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:19,838 Pete! 76 00:04:21,441 --> 00:04:23,542 It is so good to see you. 77 00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:25,811 I haven't seen this guy in two years. 78 00:04:25,813 --> 00:04:27,146 Four. Actually. 79 00:04:27,148 --> 00:04:28,715 - Has it been that long? - Mmm-hmm. 80 00:04:28,717 --> 00:04:31,283 Shut the front door. Are you messing with me? 81 00:04:31,285 --> 00:04:32,585 He loves messing with me. 82 00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,687 - Are you messing with me? - I'm not. 83 00:04:34,689 --> 00:04:36,021 God, you got to come over to Hawaii. 84 00:04:36,023 --> 00:04:37,189 When are you gonna visit? 85 00:04:37,191 --> 00:04:39,059 - Yeah... - Hey, Kaylani! Come here! 86 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,427 I want you to meet someone really special to me. 87 00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:43,396 Someone I've been sleeping with exclusively 88 00:04:43,398 --> 00:04:44,896 for the past six months. 89 00:04:44,898 --> 00:04:46,365 Wow, six whole months? 90 00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:47,867 That's what I'm saying. 91 00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:49,901 It's really special. 92 00:04:49,903 --> 00:04:51,670 Aloha, Peter. 93 00:04:51,672 --> 00:04:52,874 Hi. 94 00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,715 Oh, okay. 95 00:05:08,623 --> 00:05:11,023 I can feel your brother inside you. 96 00:05:11,025 --> 00:05:12,860 I am inside you. 97 00:05:13,761 --> 00:05:14,893 You are? 98 00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:16,295 - Yeah. - Hmm. 99 00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:17,865 We're twins. 100 00:05:20,835 --> 00:05:23,335 That's called a Honi. 101 00:05:23,337 --> 00:05:26,038 That is a sacred Hawaiian greeting 102 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,807 that you just got. 103 00:05:27,809 --> 00:05:29,008 Yeah. 104 00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:30,610 Is that right? 105 00:05:30,612 --> 00:05:31,944 So, 106 00:05:31,946 --> 00:05:35,213 how psyched are you for Mom finding true love again? 107 00:05:35,215 --> 00:05:36,749 It's awesome. 108 00:05:36,751 --> 00:05:39,655 God, I just wish Dad could've been here to see this. 109 00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:43,723 Yo, Uncle Kyle! 110 00:05:43,725 --> 00:05:44,790 Yeah? 111 00:05:44,792 --> 00:05:45,924 You got to see this. 112 00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:47,395 What's your boy's name? 113 00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:49,795 It's Ethan. 114 00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,867 You gotta meet Ethan. He is the best kid. Come on! 115 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:10,383 Do you take this man 116 00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:13,018 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 117 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:16,792 Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 118 00:06:18,092 --> 00:06:21,794 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 119 00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:22,795 Beautiful! 120 00:06:22,797 --> 00:06:24,963 You may kiss the bride. 121 00:06:32,039 --> 00:06:33,342 Clink, clink, clink! 122 00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:36,744 It's so nice to be here today. 123 00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:41,379 There's a saying in Hawaii that goes 124 00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:43,352 a little something like this... 125 00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:52,758 That translates very simply as, 126 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,129 "Life is alive once more inside of me 127 00:06:57,131 --> 00:06:59,331 "from my love of you." 128 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,699 And, Gene, 129 00:07:00,701 --> 00:07:05,304 my mother's life is so alive right now 130 00:07:05,306 --> 00:07:06,739 with you inside her. 131 00:07:06,741 --> 00:07:09,508 - So, I want to raise a toast. - Hey now. 132 00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:11,880 To mean Gene 133 00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:15,651 and the greatest mom on Earth. 134 00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:20,119 Cheers! Hey, l'chaim, everybody! 135 00:07:20,121 --> 00:07:21,920 Thank you, darling. 136 00:07:21,922 --> 00:07:23,524 Cheers! 137 00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:26,660 That went good. 138 00:07:26,662 --> 00:07:28,028 What? 139 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,095 What? 140 00:07:29,097 --> 00:07:30,162 Yes. 141 00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:31,997 - No way! - I'm serious. 142 00:07:31,999 --> 00:07:33,965 Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing to say. 143 00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:35,367 Wait, everybody hold on. 144 00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,470 Forget about that 70-inch TV we gave you 145 00:07:37,472 --> 00:07:40,840 because we've got another wedding gift. 146 00:07:40,842 --> 00:07:43,208 You're finally gonna be a grandmother! 147 00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:44,578 - Oh! - Yeah. 148 00:07:45,746 --> 00:07:46,845 Yes! 149 00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:48,314 I mean, a grandmother again! 150 00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:50,283 I'm sorry, Pete. 151 00:07:58,525 --> 00:08:00,660 My life is so perfect! 152 00:08:00,662 --> 00:08:01,960 ...an elite squad 153 00:08:01,962 --> 00:08:03,429 known as the Special Victims Unit. 154 00:08:03,431 --> 00:08:04,896 These are their stories. 155 00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:09,400 I told you, Detective, I can press charges. 156 00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:10,735 Out of respect for... 157 00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:14,107 Shh. Let's cut to the chase, Nigel. 158 00:08:14,109 --> 00:08:15,710 May I call you Nigel? 159 00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:20,112 You see, Nigel, 160 00:08:20,114 --> 00:08:22,383 I know that men have needs. 161 00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:26,518 But when a wife can't fill those needs, 162 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,922 men have to look elsewhere. 163 00:08:28,924 --> 00:08:30,025 Yes. 164 00:08:45,138 --> 00:08:46,972 What the fuck? 165 00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,274 I need to talk to both of you guys. 166 00:08:48,276 --> 00:08:49,843 - What? - Okay. 167 00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:51,109 Mom, I need to talk to you. 168 00:08:51,111 --> 00:08:52,747 - Oh, okay. - Thanks. 169 00:08:53,915 --> 00:08:55,848 - Boom! - What a beauty. 170 00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:57,149 Boy, she is such a good actress. 171 00:08:57,151 --> 00:08:58,318 Hot. 172 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,489 No, no, not her. 173 00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,521 Boom. 174 00:09:02,523 --> 00:09:04,024 - Now! - Mmm-hmm? 175 00:09:06,527 --> 00:09:08,560 Foot fetish. 176 00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:10,496 I like this guy. 177 00:09:10,498 --> 00:09:12,464 No, no, not that. 178 00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:13,934 Don't you see the resemblance? 179 00:09:15,503 --> 00:09:17,237 The resemblance to who? 180 00:09:17,239 --> 00:09:18,905 Our father! 181 00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:20,405 He's alive! 182 00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,873 To our father? 183 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,510 Are you on acid right now, Pete? 184 00:09:24,512 --> 00:09:27,279 No, Kyle, look at his birthmark. 185 00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:29,781 Yeah, I'm looking. 186 00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:31,449 Mom, can you tell him this isn't our father. 187 00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,019 He isn't your father. 188 00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:34,853 Mom, I've been looking at his picture 189 00:09:34,855 --> 00:09:36,889 every day since I was four years old. 190 00:09:36,891 --> 00:09:38,857 That birth mark is unmistakable! 191 00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,258 Honey, is everything okay? 192 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:41,660 Well, Pete is, uh, 193 00:09:41,662 --> 00:09:43,463 lost touch with reality. 194 00:09:43,465 --> 00:09:46,332 The man in the photos I gave you 195 00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,200 wasn't actually your father. 196 00:09:48,202 --> 00:09:49,269 Okay, what? 197 00:09:49,271 --> 00:09:50,472 What? 198 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,242 Okay, he was a friend of mine from college. 199 00:09:56,244 --> 00:09:58,511 He was an English exchange student. 200 00:09:58,513 --> 00:10:00,078 He went back after graduation. 201 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,415 I just thought you'd never see him. 202 00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,549 He's not my dad? 203 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:05,184 He was studying to be a Botanist, 204 00:10:05,186 --> 00:10:06,352 for crying out loud. 205 00:10:06,354 --> 00:10:07,852 He's an orphan, 206 00:10:07,854 --> 00:10:09,689 and then he got colon cancer. 207 00:10:09,691 --> 00:10:10,892 No. 208 00:10:13,194 --> 00:10:15,928 I made up all those stories about your father. 209 00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:19,332 That he was an orphan, that he came from England. 210 00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,570 That he died of colon cancer. 211 00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:23,135 Wow. 212 00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:24,770 The truth is, 213 00:10:24,772 --> 00:10:29,375 and I probably should've told you a long time ago... 214 00:10:29,377 --> 00:10:30,979 I think you should have. 215 00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:35,917 I wasn't sure who your father was. 216 00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,254 How does that work? 217 00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:43,389 Yeah, how does that work? 218 00:10:43,391 --> 00:10:44,991 Well, 219 00:10:44,993 --> 00:10:46,791 you've got to understand... 220 00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:49,862 It was the '70s. It was the crazy '70s. 221 00:10:49,864 --> 00:10:52,098 It was disco era. 222 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,000 I was a young girl living in New York. 223 00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:56,168 And if you went partying in places 224 00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,704 like Studio 54... 225 00:10:58,706 --> 00:11:02,574 And, you know, everybody was high and fucking 226 00:11:02,576 --> 00:11:05,343 and monogamy wasn't exactly a priority. 227 00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:08,814 I mean, you just go in there and the mood, it would... 228 00:11:08,816 --> 00:11:10,782 ♪ Baby tonight Hot stuff ♪ 229 00:11:10,784 --> 00:11:11,983 Remember that? 230 00:11:11,985 --> 00:11:13,386 And then, you know, you just... 231 00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,187 - We get it. - All these great people 232 00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,122 in exactly the same situation you were, 233 00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:19,157 feeling exactly the same thing you were in. 234 00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,059 You would dance with them, you know, 235 00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:22,694 and then you go and you just, 236 00:11:22,696 --> 00:11:24,896 you know, you'd sleep with them. 237 00:11:24,898 --> 00:11:28,166 It's true. The priority was smoking weed and fucking. 238 00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:29,234 Well, sure, yeah. 239 00:11:29,236 --> 00:11:30,770 Studio 54? 240 00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:32,804 - How awesome is that? - Yeah. 241 00:11:32,806 --> 00:11:34,305 Awesome? 242 00:11:34,307 --> 00:11:36,008 You think this is awesome? 243 00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:38,044 Well, it's not not awesome. 244 00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:41,112 It helps to explain my zest for love making. 245 00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:43,284 I've always wondered where I got that from. 246 00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:47,352 Now we know. 247 00:11:47,354 --> 00:11:50,723 I spent my whole life trying to honor my father's memory. 248 00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,091 And you have. 249 00:11:52,093 --> 00:11:53,492 What memory? 250 00:11:53,494 --> 00:11:56,062 I stare at assholes all day long 251 00:11:56,064 --> 00:11:59,365 because of a fictional man's colon cancer. 252 00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:02,133 Pete, could you pivot into plastic surgery 253 00:12:02,135 --> 00:12:04,503 or something less butt-related. 254 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:07,005 I mean, you're really smart, I don't see why not. 255 00:12:07,007 --> 00:12:09,507 Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now? 256 00:12:09,509 --> 00:12:10,843 Okay, that's not fair! 257 00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,111 You can't tell people how to freak out. 258 00:12:12,113 --> 00:12:13,812 Now I want everybody to calm down, all right? 259 00:12:13,814 --> 00:12:15,747 I am so sorry, you guys, 260 00:12:15,749 --> 00:12:17,149 but the light is going quickly. 261 00:12:17,151 --> 00:12:18,851 It's the last chance for family photos. 262 00:12:18,853 --> 00:12:20,354 Not a good time, Annie! 263 00:12:21,556 --> 00:12:22,987 It's a perfect time, Annie. 264 00:12:22,989 --> 00:12:24,223 Okay, just get a little bit tighter 265 00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:25,657 and we'll get a nice family shot. 266 00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:27,959 Oh, you guys look so good. Hold on. 267 00:12:27,961 --> 00:12:29,562 This looks perfect. 268 00:12:29,564 --> 00:12:30,865 Oh, so good! 269 00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,832 That is going to be a good one. 270 00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:34,967 You can't leave just yet. 271 00:12:34,969 --> 00:12:36,635 We need Mom and her sons. 272 00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:38,337 Oh, good idea. 273 00:12:38,339 --> 00:12:40,141 Okay. Come back up here. 274 00:12:41,341 --> 00:12:44,275 I'm gonna need you guys looking forward, 275 00:12:44,277 --> 00:12:45,777 big smiles. 276 00:12:45,779 --> 00:12:46,911 Perfect, Kyle. 277 00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:48,613 Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds... 278 00:12:48,615 --> 00:12:51,415 This means he's out there. 279 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:53,418 He's out there somewhere. 280 00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:54,953 Not now, Peter. 281 00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:57,155 Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you looking at the camera. 282 00:12:57,157 --> 00:13:00,059 He's been out there this whole time. 283 00:13:00,061 --> 00:13:02,493 That is true. I mean, who do you think it was? 284 00:13:02,495 --> 00:13:03,896 As we got older, surely... 285 00:13:03,898 --> 00:13:05,296 Was there someone that we started to remind you of? 286 00:13:05,298 --> 00:13:07,098 Just stop it. Will you just please stop it. 287 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,435 None of the men I was with would have made a good father. 288 00:13:10,437 --> 00:13:12,070 I was trying to protect you. 289 00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:13,771 Protect yourself more like it. 290 00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:15,940 Hey, wait a minute. 291 00:13:15,942 --> 00:13:19,211 I need a name. I think you owe me a name. 292 00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:20,279 I think you... 293 00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,147 Hey, Reynolds! 294 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,884 Camera! Now! 295 00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,352 Perfect. 296 00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:29,487 We got it. 297 00:13:29,489 --> 00:13:30,955 Fucking thank you. 298 00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:33,260 I can't talk about this now, Peter. 299 00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:37,829 Okay, she... Mom has spoken. 300 00:13:37,831 --> 00:13:40,631 Pete, you're spinning out of control literally. 301 00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:41,934 Just calm down. 302 00:13:41,936 --> 00:13:43,301 Stop telling me to calm down! 303 00:13:43,303 --> 00:13:44,535 Okay? 304 00:13:44,537 --> 00:13:46,972 I just need to know this! 305 00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:49,507 Just give me something. 306 00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:50,778 Please. 307 00:13:51,778 --> 00:13:53,280 Terry Bradshaw. 308 00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:58,617 Four-time Super Bowl champion, Terry Bradshaw? 309 00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:00,151 Yeah. 310 00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:02,521 The Enterprise Rent-A-Car spokesman, Terry Bradshaw? 311 00:14:02,523 --> 00:14:04,990 Fox sports TV commentator, Terry Bradshaw? 312 00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:06,758 Yep. Terry Bradshaw. 313 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,359 No, no, no. 314 00:14:08,361 --> 00:14:10,429 That's insane! 315 00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:12,564 We started dating 316 00:14:12,566 --> 00:14:13,931 the fall of '74, 317 00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,501 just after he gave up 318 00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:19,040 his starting position to Joe Gilliam. 319 00:14:21,242 --> 00:14:23,809 There's no way she would know who Joe Gilliam was. 320 00:14:23,811 --> 00:14:24,943 Pete! 321 00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:26,277 Wait, Mom, this is... 322 00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:28,079 Do you realize how incredible this is? 323 00:14:28,081 --> 00:14:30,015 This is the guy you loved growing up! 324 00:14:30,017 --> 00:14:32,418 Gene, he had every poster on the wall! 325 00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:35,353 - I know... - Can I get a smile now? 326 00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:36,955 Now, will you relax? 327 00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:39,424 - I love Terry Bradshaw. - I know! 328 00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,793 He's the greatest! 329 00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:41,993 - Yeah. - Yup. 330 00:14:41,995 --> 00:14:44,029 Which raises the inevitable question, 331 00:14:44,031 --> 00:14:46,799 why did you not 332 00:14:46,801 --> 00:14:48,633 tell us 333 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:51,805 that the coolest man on Earth was our father? 334 00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,640 Well, he wasn't 335 00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:57,912 the man you saw on TV. 336 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,950 He was violent. 337 00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:04,516 He hit you? 338 00:15:04,518 --> 00:15:05,753 No. 339 00:15:06,921 --> 00:15:08,786 But as a football player 340 00:15:08,788 --> 00:15:12,491 he was frequently violent. 341 00:15:12,493 --> 00:15:13,791 As a football player? 342 00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:15,496 Yeah, on Sundays. 343 00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,965 Sometimes Monday nights. 344 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,032 Oh, on game days 345 00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,300 he was violent... I got it. 346 00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:24,102 Yeah, because that was his job. 347 00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:25,938 That's what he did for a living! 348 00:15:27,642 --> 00:15:29,341 Oh, my God! 349 00:15:29,343 --> 00:15:32,111 Do you have any idea what my life might have been like 350 00:15:32,113 --> 00:15:34,445 with Terry Bradshaw in the picture? 351 00:15:34,447 --> 00:15:36,782 I might even be in the NFL right now! 352 00:15:36,784 --> 00:15:38,183 - Oh, come on! - Well, we don't know! 353 00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:39,551 You didn't even make our middle school team. 354 00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:41,786 That's because I didn't have Terry Bradshaw 355 00:15:41,788 --> 00:15:43,088 teaching me the fundamentals. 356 00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:46,424 Oh, Peter, please, just please... 357 00:15:46,426 --> 00:15:50,762 My life is basically crap right now, 358 00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:53,467 and it's your fault. 359 00:15:54,435 --> 00:15:55,936 That's not fair. 360 00:15:56,503 --> 00:15:59,170 Pete. Hey! 361 00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:01,441 Mom, let me talk to him. 362 00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:04,709 Hey, Pete! 363 00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:06,011 Pete, come here for a second. 364 00:16:06,013 --> 00:16:08,112 Hey, Pete, where are you going? 365 00:16:08,114 --> 00:16:10,415 Come on, you got to apologize. 366 00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,516 Apologize for what? 367 00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:14,419 Well, you're being really tough on Mom. 368 00:16:14,421 --> 00:16:17,455 Hey, what are you doing? No! You're not driving. 369 00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:20,593 Look, maybe I blew my stack at Mom. 370 00:16:20,595 --> 00:16:22,194 It's just... 371 00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:24,262 She kept Dad from us. 372 00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:25,497 I know. 373 00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:26,799 What the hell? 374 00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:30,870 You know how many times I just wanted to know him? 375 00:16:30,872 --> 00:16:34,205 I just wanted him there to ask about 376 00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:37,944 Ethan, about Katherine, about... 377 00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:40,612 About everything, you know? 378 00:16:40,614 --> 00:16:42,314 Yeah, I know how much you wanted that. 379 00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:46,220 Yeah, I don't think you do, man. I just... Well... 380 00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:53,791 I can talk to him. 381 00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:55,295 - Yeah. - It's Terry Bradshaw. 382 00:16:58,031 --> 00:16:59,400 I'm gonna go find him. 383 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,567 I'm gonna find Dad. 384 00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:03,068 Great! Let's do it. 385 00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,869 - Oh, no. You can't come. - Oh, I'm coming. 386 00:17:04,871 --> 00:17:06,003 You never gave a shit about Dad. 387 00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:07,873 He's my father, too! 388 00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:09,907 I don't take my orders from you. 389 00:17:09,909 --> 00:17:11,342 I take them from the universe. 390 00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:14,046 And the universe wants us to go together. 391 00:17:14,048 --> 00:17:15,414 You're not coming. 392 00:17:15,416 --> 00:17:16,915 Wait, hold on, wait, who was that? 393 00:17:16,917 --> 00:17:19,050 Hello, yes? 394 00:17:19,052 --> 00:17:20,720 It's the universe? 395 00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,221 Yeah. 396 00:17:22,223 --> 00:17:25,257 You want me to go with my brother? 397 00:17:25,259 --> 00:17:27,792 Pete doesn't want me to go. 398 00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:30,228 Fuck him? 399 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:32,163 I know. You said it with a wink. 400 00:17:32,165 --> 00:17:34,866 Okay. I love you, too. 401 00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:37,069 That was the universe. 402 00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:38,273 Now where does he live? 403 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,241 Miami. 404 00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:42,273 Done. Miami. 405 00:17:42,275 --> 00:17:44,608 That's where we meet him. 406 00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,780 - We're going to Miami. - God damn it. Yes! 407 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,080 - Come on! - Fine. 408 00:17:49,082 --> 00:17:52,387 You can come, but don't be annoying. 409 00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:58,890 Let me look at you. Kiss. 410 00:18:01,094 --> 00:18:03,328 Okay, what's our plan? 411 00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:06,030 Um, we're still in good shape. 412 00:18:06,032 --> 00:18:08,032 Mr. Bradshaw will be 413 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:09,635 at the grand opening 414 00:18:09,637 --> 00:18:12,636 of North Miami Beach Bradshaw Motors. 415 00:18:12,638 --> 00:18:14,405 - Yeah. - This afternoon. 416 00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:16,575 Okay, well, that's where we're gonna meet him. 417 00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:17,842 Yup. 418 00:18:17,844 --> 00:18:19,511 By the way, thank you for letting me upgrade us. 419 00:18:19,513 --> 00:18:21,446 I think you're gonna love first class. 420 00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,182 I think it's kind of a waste of money. 421 00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:24,482 Not when it's my money. 422 00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:27,086 Look, Pete, money is never wasted 423 00:18:27,088 --> 00:18:29,620 when it's spent on the ones you love. 424 00:18:29,622 --> 00:18:31,155 Like a brother. 425 00:18:31,157 --> 00:18:33,526 Or a jet ski. 426 00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,596 Or a party boat. 427 00:18:36,798 --> 00:18:38,864 Push play. Can I see that? 428 00:18:38,866 --> 00:18:41,599 I hate to run. But not running is worse. 429 00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:44,136 So, if I've got to run, it's going to be in the most... 430 00:18:44,138 --> 00:18:46,605 Look at that Adonis. 431 00:18:46,607 --> 00:18:47,806 That's our dad. 432 00:18:47,808 --> 00:18:49,875 I can't believe it. 433 00:18:49,877 --> 00:18:51,009 Mr. Reynolds... 434 00:18:51,011 --> 00:18:52,644 Oh, and Mr. Reynolds. 435 00:18:52,646 --> 00:18:54,379 - Are you guys married? - No. 436 00:18:54,381 --> 00:18:56,182 We're just watching some footage on our father. 437 00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,616 We're on our way to meet him 438 00:18:57,618 --> 00:18:58,916 for the very first time. 439 00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:02,154 So, we're a little nervous and a whole lot excited. 440 00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:04,223 Aren't you just the sweetest thing. 441 00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:05,657 If you think I'm sweet, 442 00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:07,425 let me introduce you to big bro here. 443 00:19:07,427 --> 00:19:09,360 He is like a ripe honeydew melon. 444 00:19:09,362 --> 00:19:10,863 Ooh. A honeydew, huh? 445 00:19:10,865 --> 00:19:12,098 I love honeydews. 446 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,898 Yeah, they're really yummy. 447 00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,500 They're delicious. 448 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,069 There is this thing, though, you should know about fruit. 449 00:19:18,071 --> 00:19:20,438 A lot of melons in particular. The skin 450 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,008 is a breeding ground for bacteria, 451 00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,309 E.coli and stuff. 452 00:19:24,311 --> 00:19:26,344 It's just something to be aware of, you know. 453 00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:28,413 Something to keep in mind 454 00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:31,649 in your fruit-related endeavors moving forward. 455 00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:32,951 He's a doctor. 456 00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:35,087 Always saving lives. 457 00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:36,387 Oh, a doctor. 458 00:19:36,389 --> 00:19:39,390 Dr. Reynolds. 459 00:19:39,392 --> 00:19:40,492 - I'll be careful. - Yes. 460 00:19:40,494 --> 00:19:42,726 You're welcome. Be careful. 461 00:19:44,697 --> 00:19:46,030 God! 462 00:19:46,032 --> 00:19:47,599 What are you doing? 463 00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:48,466 What? 464 00:19:48,468 --> 00:19:49,967 You guys had some chemistry. 465 00:19:49,969 --> 00:19:52,504 I was trying to facilitate it. 466 00:19:52,506 --> 00:19:55,139 I think it's called being a wingman. 467 00:19:55,141 --> 00:19:58,344 I don't need a wingman. All right? 468 00:19:58,346 --> 00:20:00,544 I'm not on this trip to get laid. 469 00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:01,879 Come on. 470 00:20:01,881 --> 00:20:04,549 There was a little electricity there between you two. 471 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:05,517 Did you notice 472 00:20:05,519 --> 00:20:07,485 a little chemistry there between them? 473 00:20:07,487 --> 00:20:10,454 I bet she's a real cock tease. 474 00:20:10,456 --> 00:20:12,156 Yeah, right. Stop projecting. 475 00:20:12,158 --> 00:20:13,692 Listen, 476 00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:16,794 how many women have you been with since the divorce? 477 00:20:16,796 --> 00:20:17,798 Ten? 478 00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:20,130 Yup. Ten. 479 00:20:20,132 --> 00:20:22,033 And it's been a year? 480 00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:24,936 - Three. - Ten in three years? 481 00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:26,139 Yeah. 482 00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,778 I'm really sorry. I had no idea. 483 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:35,446 I'm being sarcastic. 484 00:20:35,448 --> 00:20:38,416 I haven't had sex with anyone since Katherine. 485 00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:42,287 I haven't had sex with anyone besides Katherine. 486 00:20:42,289 --> 00:20:43,888 We got married in college. 487 00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:44,990 Remember? 488 00:20:44,992 --> 00:20:46,293 What? 489 00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:58,303 Welcome to Miami International Airport. 490 00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:00,873 Peter, Peter, Peter, is it like a physical thing? 491 00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:03,174 - What? - Is it like a blood flow? 492 00:21:03,176 --> 00:21:04,742 God, no! 493 00:21:04,744 --> 00:21:06,912 No, my penis is fine! 494 00:21:06,914 --> 00:21:08,046 Well, what is the deal? 495 00:21:08,048 --> 00:21:09,280 Ever since the divorce, 496 00:21:09,282 --> 00:21:10,648 I've been a little depressed, okay? 497 00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:12,817 That makes sense. And it just... 498 00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:13,918 Don't patronize me, okay? 499 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,553 You wouldn't know anything about that. 500 00:21:15,555 --> 00:21:17,321 Of course I do. You don't think I know 501 00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:18,691 what it's like to be depressed? 502 00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:21,326 The saddest I've ever seen you is like... 503 00:21:21,328 --> 00:21:23,694 I've never seen you sad! 504 00:21:23,696 --> 00:21:24,995 You can't get into a contest... 505 00:21:24,997 --> 00:21:26,330 That is actually sad. 506 00:21:26,332 --> 00:21:27,165 ...on who's more sad than the other guy. 507 00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:28,267 That's weird! 508 00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,569 No. It's weird that you keep... 509 00:21:30,571 --> 00:21:32,671 Dr. Reynolds, good luck meeting your father. 510 00:21:32,673 --> 00:21:35,340 Thanks. Good luck with your uniform. 511 00:21:38,646 --> 00:21:41,078 No, I'm not going to let you do that anymore. 512 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,380 Do what? 513 00:21:42,382 --> 00:21:44,549 Just deliberately self-sabotage. Okay? 514 00:21:44,551 --> 00:21:46,751 The top mission is still bonding with Dad. 515 00:21:46,753 --> 00:21:48,686 Sub-mission is getting you laid. 516 00:21:48,688 --> 00:21:51,757 Mission below that is gonna be having stone crabs. 517 00:21:51,759 --> 00:21:54,262 Mission below that, swimming with dolphins. 518 00:22:01,267 --> 00:22:02,767 Hey, when we get to the dealership, 519 00:22:02,769 --> 00:22:04,603 you have to do all the talking. 520 00:22:04,605 --> 00:22:07,238 You cannot be nervous, Peter. He's a regular guy, 521 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,241 just like us. 522 00:22:09,243 --> 00:22:10,841 There you go. 523 00:22:10,843 --> 00:22:12,010 Thank you. 524 00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:13,811 Don't forget to buy a car. 525 00:22:13,813 --> 00:22:15,313 Just kidding. 526 00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:16,915 Hey, fellas, how you doing? 527 00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:18,582 Hi, Terry Bradshaw. 528 00:22:18,584 --> 00:22:20,388 Yeah. 529 00:22:28,329 --> 00:22:29,730 Is he okay? 530 00:22:31,197 --> 00:22:33,464 Aw! Bless his heart. 531 00:22:33,466 --> 00:22:35,300 You're one of my special fans, aren't you? 532 00:22:35,302 --> 00:22:36,702 Hey, bub. 533 00:22:36,704 --> 00:22:38,536 How you doing? God bless you. 534 00:22:38,538 --> 00:22:40,105 Oh, no. He's not special. 535 00:22:40,107 --> 00:22:42,007 No, no. I am special, Pete. 536 00:22:42,009 --> 00:22:43,844 We're both special. 537 00:22:48,982 --> 00:22:50,415 Do I know you? 538 00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:52,717 Oh, I don't think so. I'd remember. 539 00:22:52,719 --> 00:22:55,020 Really? Are you sure? 540 00:22:55,022 --> 00:22:57,655 You really do look familiar. 541 00:22:57,657 --> 00:22:59,157 - Show him. - Yeah. 542 00:22:59,159 --> 00:23:00,791 Well, um... 543 00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:04,029 Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter? 544 00:23:04,031 --> 00:23:05,866 Helen Baxter? 545 00:23:06,966 --> 00:23:08,934 Helen Baxter... 546 00:23:08,936 --> 00:23:10,771 Oh, my God. 547 00:23:13,674 --> 00:23:14,742 Wow. 548 00:23:15,341 --> 00:23:16,841 God. 549 00:23:16,843 --> 00:23:19,944 Well, talk about a blast from the past. 550 00:23:23,216 --> 00:23:25,783 This woman was something else. 551 00:23:25,785 --> 00:23:27,953 She had the tightest ass you've ever seen. 552 00:23:27,955 --> 00:23:29,320 I mean, awesome. 553 00:23:29,322 --> 00:23:31,559 Yeah, but Helen was much more than that. 554 00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:34,059 She had a mouth. 555 00:23:34,061 --> 00:23:35,327 Oh! 556 00:23:35,329 --> 00:23:37,863 And a tongue. Oh! 557 00:23:37,865 --> 00:23:40,331 And I'm telling you, 558 00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:42,733 it damn near cost us the Super Bowl. 559 00:23:42,735 --> 00:23:46,738 Well, Mom was a Browns fan so... 560 00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:48,807 Did you say that Helen is your mother? 561 00:23:48,809 --> 00:23:50,140 Yeah. 562 00:23:50,142 --> 00:23:52,778 Well, technically, I said it, sir, because we're... 563 00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:55,446 We're both her sons. We're twins. 564 00:23:55,448 --> 00:23:57,317 You're Helen Baxter's son? 565 00:23:58,051 --> 00:24:00,117 We're both her boys, yes. 566 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,353 That is... 567 00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,955 That is what we are saying. Yes. 568 00:24:03,957 --> 00:24:05,292 How is she? 569 00:24:06,694 --> 00:24:08,894 - Well, she's great. - Yeah. 570 00:24:08,896 --> 00:24:11,061 You know, uh, she just got married. 571 00:24:11,063 --> 00:24:14,867 And she's a lot different than how you remember her. 572 00:24:14,869 --> 00:24:15,966 That's for sure. 573 00:24:15,968 --> 00:24:18,169 Just a little. 574 00:24:18,171 --> 00:24:19,539 Oh, my... 575 00:24:21,975 --> 00:24:23,343 Say it. 576 00:24:24,244 --> 00:24:25,780 Say it. 577 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,549 You're my son, aren't you? 578 00:24:31,217 --> 00:24:32,983 I... I think so. 579 00:24:32,985 --> 00:24:34,886 Well, technically, we both are because, 580 00:24:34,888 --> 00:24:36,988 like I was saying earlier, we're twins. 581 00:24:36,990 --> 00:24:39,023 We're both her sons. 582 00:24:39,025 --> 00:24:41,326 You're my son. 583 00:24:41,328 --> 00:24:42,596 Yes. 584 00:24:47,667 --> 00:24:49,634 Come here. Come here. 585 00:24:49,636 --> 00:24:53,007 Oh, this is just amazing. 586 00:24:54,507 --> 00:24:56,609 Oh, my God. 587 00:24:59,847 --> 00:25:02,513 I had no idea that she was even pregnant. 588 00:25:02,515 --> 00:25:04,014 You gotta believe me. Helen never... 589 00:25:04,016 --> 00:25:05,117 She never said a word. 590 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,152 We know. Don't worry about it. 591 00:25:07,154 --> 00:25:08,685 I mean, I can't believe this. 592 00:25:08,687 --> 00:25:10,989 I mean, you guys have been out there the whole time. 593 00:25:10,991 --> 00:25:12,824 - It's really emotional. - I know, yeah. 594 00:25:12,826 --> 00:25:16,027 I already have a son. His name is Trent. 595 00:25:16,029 --> 00:25:18,029 But he's kind of a nob. Do you know what I'm saying? 596 00:25:18,031 --> 00:25:19,430 So is my son. 597 00:25:19,432 --> 00:25:21,666 Oh, man. Do you have any plans? 598 00:25:21,668 --> 00:25:23,001 You guys got anything to do? 599 00:25:23,003 --> 00:25:24,202 No. 600 00:25:24,204 --> 00:25:25,671 Look, why don't you come over to the house, 601 00:25:25,673 --> 00:25:27,204 and we'll have some food and drinks. 602 00:25:27,206 --> 00:25:28,639 - What do you say? - That would be incredible. 603 00:25:28,641 --> 00:25:30,075 - Great. Yeah. - Okay? 604 00:25:30,077 --> 00:25:31,108 Uh... 605 00:25:31,110 --> 00:25:33,011 Pete, why don't you ride with me. 606 00:25:33,013 --> 00:25:35,981 And, Donald... Donald, you can just follow, okay? 607 00:25:35,983 --> 00:25:37,348 Okay. It's Kyle. 608 00:25:37,350 --> 00:25:38,482 Is this your car? 609 00:25:38,484 --> 00:25:41,086 Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray. 610 00:25:41,088 --> 00:25:42,587 It's my favorite car! Literally! 611 00:25:42,589 --> 00:25:44,322 You like it? Really? 612 00:25:44,324 --> 00:25:46,457 Here. You drive. 613 00:25:46,459 --> 00:25:48,026 Donald, see if you can keep up. 614 00:25:48,028 --> 00:25:50,529 - It's still Kyle. - Come on. Let's go. 615 00:25:50,531 --> 00:25:52,966 You like this, huh? 616 00:26:04,711 --> 00:26:07,311 This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw! 617 00:26:07,313 --> 00:26:08,445 Please. 618 00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:10,815 Just call me Terry, okay? 619 00:26:10,817 --> 00:26:12,850 All right! Well then Terry it is! 620 00:26:12,852 --> 00:26:14,051 Whoo! 621 00:26:14,053 --> 00:26:16,553 Okay, take it easy, lead foot. 622 00:26:16,555 --> 00:26:18,691 I'm in a Ford Focus here. 623 00:26:19,525 --> 00:26:21,795 Damn it, slow it down! 624 00:26:37,945 --> 00:26:39,944 Hey, hey, I'm home! 625 00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:41,646 Did you pick up the fresh garlic I needed? 626 00:26:41,648 --> 00:26:43,080 The fresh garlic. 627 00:26:43,082 --> 00:26:44,782 No, I didn't get the fresh garlic. 628 00:26:44,784 --> 00:26:46,283 Got something better, though. 629 00:26:46,285 --> 00:26:47,586 Oh, what did you pick up? 630 00:26:47,588 --> 00:26:50,355 I picked up a son. 631 00:26:50,357 --> 00:26:51,990 Pete. Say hi, Pete. 632 00:26:51,992 --> 00:26:53,058 Hi. 633 00:26:53,060 --> 00:26:54,158 How are you? 634 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,562 Pete. 635 00:26:57,563 --> 00:26:59,598 This is a joke. Right? 636 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,265 No, no, this is not a joke. 637 00:27:01,267 --> 00:27:04,235 His mother and I used to have unprotected sex all the time. 638 00:27:04,237 --> 00:27:05,404 Don't worry, Pete. All right? 639 00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,571 She knows all about my crazy past. 640 00:27:07,573 --> 00:27:09,507 I'm Peter Reynolds. So glad to meet you. 641 00:27:09,509 --> 00:27:12,009 It's nice to meet you, Peter. 642 00:27:12,011 --> 00:27:14,812 Sweetie, could I have a word with you in the kitchen? 643 00:27:14,814 --> 00:27:16,714 - Me? Okay. - Yeah. 644 00:27:16,716 --> 00:27:18,950 Hey, Pete, make yourself at home. 645 00:27:18,952 --> 00:27:21,485 My home is your home now. 646 00:27:21,487 --> 00:27:22,986 My home is your home now. 647 00:27:22,988 --> 00:27:24,321 - Can you believe I said that? - Yeah, I heard that. 648 00:27:24,323 --> 00:27:25,824 I think we need to, kind of, just talk. 649 00:27:25,826 --> 00:27:27,658 What? What do you wanna talk... 650 00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:30,028 Listen, sweetie, this is insane, okay? 651 00:27:30,030 --> 00:27:32,963 You can't just invite somebody into our home. 652 00:27:32,965 --> 00:27:34,464 I mean, he could be, like, 653 00:27:34,466 --> 00:27:36,067 a con artist looking for money. 654 00:27:36,069 --> 00:27:38,136 - Money? You're serious? - Yes. Did you think about... 655 00:27:38,138 --> 00:27:39,404 - Yes. - No way. 656 00:27:39,406 --> 00:27:40,704 Pete! 657 00:27:40,706 --> 00:27:42,174 Do you need money? 658 00:27:42,176 --> 00:27:44,509 Are you here to rob us? 659 00:27:44,511 --> 00:27:46,344 Oh, no, I'm good. 660 00:27:46,346 --> 00:27:47,848 I'm a physician actually. 661 00:27:49,116 --> 00:27:50,616 Did you hear that? 662 00:27:50,618 --> 00:27:53,284 My boy is a doctor. 663 00:27:53,286 --> 00:27:56,021 You're a doctor, son. Proud of you! 664 00:27:56,023 --> 00:27:57,088 Thanks! 665 00:27:57,090 --> 00:27:58,690 I've got a doctor in my family. 666 00:27:58,692 --> 00:28:01,228 Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep! 667 00:28:05,165 --> 00:28:06,831 Nice grab, Pete! 668 00:28:06,833 --> 00:28:09,033 Atta boy! Great catch, son. 669 00:28:09,035 --> 00:28:11,104 Way to go, babe. 670 00:28:12,638 --> 00:28:15,005 I gotta tell you, Pete. 671 00:28:15,007 --> 00:28:18,209 Had a bit of a colon cancer scare a few years back. 672 00:28:18,211 --> 00:28:19,376 - Really? - Yeah. 673 00:28:19,378 --> 00:28:22,446 Thank God I had a good GI doc. 674 00:28:22,448 --> 00:28:25,983 I know you guys, you know, you catch a lot of guff. 675 00:28:25,985 --> 00:28:28,720 But, man, it's a noble profession. 676 00:28:28,722 --> 00:28:30,324 Noble as heck. 677 00:28:32,024 --> 00:28:33,893 Really appreciate you're saying that. 678 00:28:34,526 --> 00:28:36,828 Really do. 679 00:28:36,830 --> 00:28:38,229 Be cool, man. 680 00:28:38,231 --> 00:28:40,530 You know, when I first came into the league, 681 00:28:40,532 --> 00:28:42,500 I was a bit of a hot head. 682 00:28:42,502 --> 00:28:45,369 I mean, it didn't take so much as a slight breeze, 683 00:28:45,371 --> 00:28:47,472 and God, I'd go off. 684 00:28:47,474 --> 00:28:49,440 Hey, say hello to this guy. 685 00:28:49,442 --> 00:28:52,176 Mr. Powder Keg. Horrible temper. 686 00:28:52,178 --> 00:28:53,310 Shut the fuck up. 687 00:28:53,312 --> 00:28:54,646 Your mother, boy, 688 00:28:54,648 --> 00:28:57,982 she had this amazing patience about her. 689 00:28:57,984 --> 00:29:01,353 She had this way of channeling all my anger 690 00:29:01,355 --> 00:29:02,953 into things that were good. 691 00:29:02,955 --> 00:29:05,792 Not only on the field, but, you know, off the field. 692 00:29:06,459 --> 00:29:07,959 God! 693 00:29:07,961 --> 00:29:11,494 That woman just drove me crazy sometimes. 694 00:29:11,496 --> 00:29:13,598 That sounds like Mom. 695 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,299 I know one thing. 696 00:29:15,301 --> 00:29:18,403 I wouldn't have made it through a single season 697 00:29:18,405 --> 00:29:20,437 had it not been for your mom. 698 00:29:20,439 --> 00:29:22,240 That's the truth. 699 00:29:22,242 --> 00:29:24,242 God, I loved that woman. 700 00:29:24,244 --> 00:29:25,777 I really did. 701 00:29:25,779 --> 00:29:27,214 Wow. That's... 702 00:29:28,881 --> 00:29:30,783 That's beautiful. 703 00:29:31,584 --> 00:29:32,951 Hey, Terry. 704 00:29:32,953 --> 00:29:34,551 Hey, you want to see someone who can catch, 705 00:29:34,553 --> 00:29:36,087 hit me on a bomb. 706 00:29:36,089 --> 00:29:37,725 Go, go. 707 00:29:43,897 --> 00:29:44,995 Oh! 708 00:29:46,299 --> 00:29:47,835 God! 709 00:29:50,471 --> 00:29:52,337 Sorry, son. 710 00:29:52,339 --> 00:29:54,438 Old habits die hard. 711 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,507 Rod Hamilton. 712 00:29:56,509 --> 00:29:57,974 Big fan. 713 00:29:57,976 --> 00:29:59,876 I played 10 years with that guy. 714 00:29:59,878 --> 00:30:01,146 He missed me so much, 715 00:30:01,148 --> 00:30:02,946 the bastard moved in next door. 716 00:30:02,948 --> 00:30:05,916 Hey! You still got it, Rod! 717 00:30:05,918 --> 00:30:07,388 He caught the ball. 718 00:30:09,488 --> 00:30:10,655 I love it. 719 00:30:10,657 --> 00:30:12,991 He's still on the juice, baby. 720 00:30:12,993 --> 00:30:15,827 He's still on the juice. 721 00:30:19,832 --> 00:30:20,965 To Rod. 722 00:30:20,967 --> 00:30:22,867 Just demolished you. 723 00:30:22,869 --> 00:30:24,534 You son of a bitch. 724 00:30:24,536 --> 00:30:26,738 You need some Advil. 725 00:30:26,740 --> 00:30:27,938 Hey, Rod. 726 00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:30,774 Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell? 727 00:30:30,776 --> 00:30:31,975 Ring a bell? 728 00:30:31,977 --> 00:30:33,944 It does more than ring a bell. 729 00:30:33,946 --> 00:30:35,914 I think I just came in my pants. 730 00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,748 - No, Rod... - Damn, man. 731 00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:39,050 That woman could fuck. 732 00:30:39,052 --> 00:30:40,617 Oh, Rod, you really might... 733 00:30:40,619 --> 00:30:41,886 Look, the woman 734 00:30:41,888 --> 00:30:44,388 was like a dick whisperer. 735 00:30:44,390 --> 00:30:47,524 Like, she'd get all up inside the head of the dick 736 00:30:47,526 --> 00:30:49,394 and know exactly what it wanted. 737 00:30:49,396 --> 00:30:51,962 Yeah, she'd get all up in that shaft, 738 00:30:51,964 --> 00:30:53,463 and then in them balls 739 00:30:53,465 --> 00:30:55,465 and in the tip. 740 00:30:55,467 --> 00:30:58,436 Ooh. I'm getting hard just thinking about it. 741 00:30:58,438 --> 00:31:01,473 So, what makes you think about Helen Baxter? 742 00:31:01,475 --> 00:31:03,209 - She's our mom. - Yeah. 743 00:31:04,477 --> 00:31:05,976 I don't know no Helen Baxter. 744 00:31:05,978 --> 00:31:07,377 Sounds like you did. 745 00:31:07,379 --> 00:31:09,181 All we did was cuddle. 746 00:31:09,183 --> 00:31:10,514 Word. 747 00:31:10,516 --> 00:31:14,018 It's okay, Rod, you didn't know. 748 00:31:14,020 --> 00:31:16,788 It's a little awkward, but, yeah, she's our mom. 749 00:31:16,790 --> 00:31:19,890 Hey, Rod, turns out, 750 00:31:19,892 --> 00:31:21,192 I'm their father. 751 00:31:21,194 --> 00:31:22,426 - That's right. - How about that? 752 00:31:22,428 --> 00:31:24,229 These are my boys. How about that? 753 00:31:24,231 --> 00:31:26,397 - Whoa! - Yeah! 754 00:31:26,399 --> 00:31:27,831 Congratulations. 755 00:31:27,833 --> 00:31:29,501 Thank you. Cheers. 756 00:31:29,503 --> 00:31:33,002 Evidently, I knocked Helen up sometime after Super Bowl IX. 757 00:31:33,004 --> 00:31:34,271 Yeah, we were reading, 758 00:31:34,273 --> 00:31:35,940 that's when you went off to Australia 759 00:31:35,942 --> 00:31:38,076 to record the country and western album. 760 00:31:38,078 --> 00:31:41,646 Cowboys and Kangaroos, I believe was the name. 761 00:31:41,648 --> 00:31:42,914 That shit was awful, wasn't it? 762 00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,182 You realize what that means... 763 00:31:44,184 --> 00:31:45,049 What? 764 00:31:45,051 --> 00:31:46,983 We were conceived in Australia. 765 00:31:46,985 --> 00:31:48,819 - Yeah. - We're Aussies. 766 00:31:48,821 --> 00:31:49,921 Out in the outback. 767 00:31:49,923 --> 00:31:51,391 No, Pete. 768 00:31:52,492 --> 00:31:54,526 You know, now that I think of it, 769 00:31:54,528 --> 00:31:56,961 Helen didn't make that trip. 770 00:31:56,963 --> 00:31:58,863 We got in this big fight 771 00:31:58,865 --> 00:32:01,566 'cause she didn't have a passport. 772 00:32:01,568 --> 00:32:02,634 God, I was such a jerk to her. 773 00:32:02,636 --> 00:32:04,234 Wait, wait. 774 00:32:04,236 --> 00:32:07,271 Isn't that when she started dating the Wall Street guy? 775 00:32:07,273 --> 00:32:08,673 Yeah, that skinny, white dude, 776 00:32:08,675 --> 00:32:10,508 he used to throw around his money and coke. 777 00:32:10,510 --> 00:32:11,876 Roland. 778 00:32:11,878 --> 00:32:14,578 Yeah, yeah, Roland. Roland Hunt, asshole. 779 00:32:14,580 --> 00:32:15,847 - Nobody liked him. - No. 780 00:32:15,849 --> 00:32:17,050 Yeah. 781 00:32:18,551 --> 00:32:20,219 What? No. 782 00:32:21,588 --> 00:32:23,287 Terry. 783 00:32:23,289 --> 00:32:24,688 Come on. 784 00:32:24,690 --> 00:32:25,857 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. 785 00:32:25,859 --> 00:32:27,060 Look at him. 786 00:32:29,696 --> 00:32:32,396 He actually looks like Roland. 787 00:32:32,398 --> 00:32:34,231 No, I don't. 788 00:32:34,233 --> 00:32:37,337 You know, you do. You do, Pete. 789 00:32:38,838 --> 00:32:40,739 The, uh, eyes? 790 00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:41,806 The nose? 791 00:32:41,808 --> 00:32:42,941 The peanut head. 792 00:32:42,943 --> 00:32:44,541 The long, skinny neck. 793 00:32:44,543 --> 00:32:45,710 The mouth? 794 00:32:45,712 --> 00:32:47,377 Yeah. The mouth. 795 00:32:47,379 --> 00:32:48,745 No, he's right. 796 00:32:48,747 --> 00:32:51,081 You just said Roland was an asshole, nobody liked him. 797 00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,716 Why would Mom sleep with him? 798 00:32:52,718 --> 00:32:54,985 Charity fuck? I don't know. 799 00:32:54,987 --> 00:32:57,588 No, no. We already figured this out. 800 00:32:57,590 --> 00:32:59,056 Terry is our dad. 801 00:32:59,058 --> 00:33:01,128 You're our dad, right? 802 00:33:07,201 --> 00:33:09,099 Uh... No. 803 00:33:09,101 --> 00:33:10,201 Gosh, fellas. 804 00:33:10,203 --> 00:33:11,469 I don't know what to say. 805 00:33:11,471 --> 00:33:13,937 I'm so sorry I'm not your dad. Really. 806 00:33:13,939 --> 00:33:15,240 - That's all right. - Yeah. 807 00:33:15,242 --> 00:33:17,541 - It's not your fault. - Donald. Thanks. 808 00:33:17,543 --> 00:33:18,742 It's still Kyle. 809 00:33:18,744 --> 00:33:20,611 Was that fun, throwing the ball on the beach? 810 00:33:20,613 --> 00:33:21,678 So fun. 811 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,745 You guys are good, good hands. 812 00:33:22,747 --> 00:33:24,182 I thought it was a blast. 813 00:33:24,184 --> 00:33:26,550 I love you, Terry. 814 00:33:26,552 --> 00:33:28,286 Yeah. Okay. 815 00:33:28,288 --> 00:33:29,720 We'll see you down the road. 816 00:33:29,722 --> 00:33:31,956 All right, man. All right. Y'all be good, hear? 817 00:33:31,958 --> 00:33:33,457 You take care, Mr. Bradshaw. 818 00:33:33,459 --> 00:33:34,591 I will. 819 00:33:34,593 --> 00:33:36,661 Hey, tell your mom I said hi. All right? 820 00:33:36,663 --> 00:33:38,128 Yeah. 821 00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:40,333 All right. See you guys! 822 00:33:51,476 --> 00:33:54,578 Hey, maybe you'll get along even better with Roland. 823 00:33:54,580 --> 00:33:58,015 Aren't you bummed out Terry Bradshaw's not our dad? 824 00:33:58,017 --> 00:33:59,916 How fucking cool would that be? 825 00:33:59,918 --> 00:34:01,152 Listen, 826 00:34:01,154 --> 00:34:04,254 the universe is saying look 'em up. 827 00:34:04,256 --> 00:34:06,691 And the universe has a tendency to point you 828 00:34:06,693 --> 00:34:09,128 in the right direction if you listen to it. 829 00:34:17,471 --> 00:34:19,536 I found a Roland Hunt, 830 00:34:19,538 --> 00:34:23,407 investment banker, in Beacon, New York. 831 00:34:23,409 --> 00:34:25,009 Two hours north of Manhattan. 832 00:34:25,011 --> 00:34:28,047 All right, looks like we're going to New York. 833 00:35:03,715 --> 00:35:04,949 Make it quick! 834 00:35:04,951 --> 00:35:06,851 I'm pulling out in 30 seconds. 835 00:35:06,853 --> 00:35:08,451 Time me. 836 00:35:08,453 --> 00:35:10,954 I want to get to Roland's office by noon. 837 00:35:10,956 --> 00:35:14,060 Twelve. 13. 14. 838 00:35:21,067 --> 00:35:22,333 Alex, stop it. 839 00:35:22,335 --> 00:35:24,469 Stop it, Alex. Get back here right now. 840 00:35:24,471 --> 00:35:26,270 No! It stinks! 841 00:35:27,773 --> 00:35:29,639 You got a jail break there. 842 00:35:29,641 --> 00:35:30,775 Sorry, man. 843 00:35:30,777 --> 00:35:32,110 I'd come out if I could. 844 00:35:32,112 --> 00:35:33,878 Just let me know if he's bothering you. 845 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,179 He's doing good. 846 00:35:35,181 --> 00:35:36,880 I actually got a bun in the oven, too. 847 00:35:38,150 --> 00:35:40,150 Whoa. I got a call. Alex, excuse me. 848 00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:41,386 Kapono, talk to me. 849 00:35:43,956 --> 00:35:46,393 What? No, no, you're breaking up. 850 00:35:48,427 --> 00:35:50,994 They're going another way? 851 00:35:50,996 --> 00:35:52,963 What does that mean? 852 00:35:55,368 --> 00:35:57,768 Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa! 853 00:35:57,770 --> 00:35:59,036 I've got flip-flops on! 854 00:35:59,038 --> 00:36:00,103 Is he peeing on you? 855 00:36:00,105 --> 00:36:01,373 Yeah, has he done this before? 856 00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:03,007 Unfortunately, yes. It's a real problem. 857 00:36:03,009 --> 00:36:04,375 Sir, this is crazy, 858 00:36:04,377 --> 00:36:05,576 but you're going to have to pee on my kid. 859 00:36:05,578 --> 00:36:06,643 You want me to pee on your kid? 860 00:36:06,645 --> 00:36:07,712 Please, dad to dad. 861 00:36:07,714 --> 00:36:08,779 He needs to learn consequences. 862 00:36:08,781 --> 00:36:10,213 I'm not going to... 863 00:36:10,215 --> 00:36:12,717 Do you hear that, Alex? Is that what you want? 864 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:14,121 Stop! 865 00:36:14,686 --> 00:36:16,056 There! Yeah. 866 00:36:16,956 --> 00:36:18,158 Chaos theory. 867 00:36:19,792 --> 00:36:21,525 He started it. 868 00:36:21,527 --> 00:36:24,497 I swear. This is justified. 869 00:36:28,435 --> 00:36:30,237 Hey. That kid had it coming. 870 00:36:44,784 --> 00:36:46,420 How much did Ethan cost? 871 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,253 Well, we didn't buy him. 872 00:36:49,255 --> 00:36:51,524 To raise him. I know you guys didn't buy him. 873 00:36:52,259 --> 00:36:54,558 Um, well... 874 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:55,927 Four more years of private school, 875 00:36:55,929 --> 00:37:00,331 four years of college, tutors, summer camp. 876 00:37:00,333 --> 00:37:03,735 Every single Apple product that ever comes out. 877 00:37:03,737 --> 00:37:07,038 Uh, once all said and done, we're probably pushing a mil. 878 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,907 A million dollars? 879 00:37:09,909 --> 00:37:11,342 To raise a kid? 880 00:37:11,344 --> 00:37:13,447 What do you care? You're loaded. 881 00:37:13,846 --> 00:37:15,378 Besides, 882 00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:18,983 "Money's never wasted on the ones you love." Right? 883 00:37:18,985 --> 00:37:24,688 No, I know. I was just worried about you and Ethan. 884 00:37:24,690 --> 00:37:27,824 Good thing Roland's a financial wizard, right? 885 00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:29,559 I thought we were going to his office. 886 00:37:29,561 --> 00:37:31,228 This is all residential. 887 00:37:31,230 --> 00:37:32,697 Maybe he works from home. 888 00:37:32,699 --> 00:37:35,335 Destination is on your right. 889 00:37:59,292 --> 00:38:00,623 Why are you copying me? 890 00:38:00,625 --> 00:38:01,925 - I just did that. - I'm not copying you. 891 00:38:01,927 --> 00:38:03,126 I did all of those things. 892 00:38:03,128 --> 00:38:05,165 You weren't touching this thing. 893 00:38:05,831 --> 00:38:07,764 This is cold. 894 00:38:07,766 --> 00:38:09,701 So? 895 00:38:09,703 --> 00:38:13,172 I don't think anyone's been here for hours. 896 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,840 Door knob tell you that? 897 00:38:15,842 --> 00:38:17,007 These are painted shut. 898 00:38:17,009 --> 00:38:19,376 So, what? Kyle, where are you going? 899 00:38:19,378 --> 00:38:21,177 Come on! Kyle. 900 00:38:21,179 --> 00:38:22,447 This is locked. 901 00:38:22,449 --> 00:38:24,315 Of course it's locked. He's not home. 902 00:38:24,317 --> 00:38:25,949 Come on. What are you doing? 903 00:38:25,951 --> 00:38:27,183 You hear those vibrations? 904 00:38:27,185 --> 00:38:28,386 You're hearing vibrations? 905 00:38:28,388 --> 00:38:29,922 'Cause I'm getting a weird vibe. 906 00:38:32,125 --> 00:38:34,625 Oh. Oh, God. 907 00:38:34,627 --> 00:38:37,295 Looks like you picked the wrong house, motherfuckers. 908 00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:38,563 Pete, don't do anything funny. 909 00:38:38,565 --> 00:38:39,963 Why would you put that in his head? 910 00:38:39,965 --> 00:38:41,099 No karate. 911 00:38:41,101 --> 00:38:42,800 Fucking no karate. 912 00:38:42,802 --> 00:38:44,668 I haven't done karate in 30 years. 913 00:38:44,670 --> 00:38:46,369 He's got a gun. And that beats karate. 914 00:38:46,371 --> 00:38:47,640 Shut the fuck up. 915 00:38:50,043 --> 00:38:53,444 What the fuck kind of B & E guys are you two assholes? 916 00:38:53,446 --> 00:38:55,079 We're not robbers. 917 00:38:55,081 --> 00:38:57,614 We're just looking for a guy named Roland Hunt. That's it. 918 00:38:57,616 --> 00:38:59,083 What do you want with him? 919 00:38:59,085 --> 00:39:02,219 He dated our mom, Helen Baxter, in the '70s. 920 00:39:02,221 --> 00:39:04,822 Oh, shit! 921 00:39:04,824 --> 00:39:08,826 You guys are Lenny Baxter's kids? 922 00:39:08,828 --> 00:39:10,194 You called her Lenny? 923 00:39:10,196 --> 00:39:12,230 You're Roland Hunt? 924 00:39:12,232 --> 00:39:16,032 I can't believe I almost shot one of Lenny Baxter's kids! 925 00:39:16,034 --> 00:39:17,201 That is hilarious. 926 00:39:17,203 --> 00:39:18,634 And gave this one a heart attack. 927 00:39:18,636 --> 00:39:20,538 Yeah. Almost took you both out. 928 00:39:20,540 --> 00:39:23,407 Two for one. 929 00:39:23,409 --> 00:39:24,608 I mean, I guess you probably don't think 930 00:39:24,610 --> 00:39:25,809 it's that funny, but... 931 00:39:25,811 --> 00:39:28,045 Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry about the gun. 932 00:39:28,047 --> 00:39:29,246 Listen, I only got this 933 00:39:29,248 --> 00:39:30,614 because we got a lot of break-ins 934 00:39:30,616 --> 00:39:32,416 in the neighborhood. Got it for protection. 935 00:39:32,418 --> 00:39:33,884 Better safe than sorry. 936 00:39:33,886 --> 00:39:35,786 Honestly, I don't even like holding the thing. 937 00:39:35,788 --> 00:39:36,920 Here, you take it. 938 00:39:36,922 --> 00:39:39,590 - No, no, no. - Come on in the house, boys. 939 00:39:39,592 --> 00:39:41,491 I thought you were gonna flip him. 940 00:39:41,493 --> 00:39:43,495 You're dangerous. 941 00:39:45,531 --> 00:39:47,967 Mom! We got company! 942 00:39:48,701 --> 00:39:50,237 Mom! 943 00:39:51,605 --> 00:39:53,436 Mom! 944 00:39:53,438 --> 00:39:54,971 Could that be Grandma? 945 00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:56,107 Hello! 946 00:39:56,109 --> 00:39:57,308 Hi! 947 00:39:57,310 --> 00:39:59,242 Roland! They got a fucking gun! 948 00:39:59,244 --> 00:40:01,579 - No. - Don't hold it like that. 949 00:40:01,581 --> 00:40:02,880 Drop the fucking gun, motherfucker. 950 00:40:02,882 --> 00:40:05,081 Fuck! It's just the gun you handed me, 951 00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:06,483 like, a minute ago. 952 00:40:06,485 --> 00:40:08,886 Oh, right. Yes. God damn it. So sorry. Shit! 953 00:40:08,888 --> 00:40:11,221 I don't know what's going on with me. 954 00:40:11,223 --> 00:40:12,288 It's tense with all the break-ins 955 00:40:12,290 --> 00:40:13,357 in the neighborhood. 956 00:40:13,359 --> 00:40:15,058 I'm really sorry. 957 00:40:15,060 --> 00:40:16,360 Putting this down. 958 00:40:16,362 --> 00:40:17,695 You should've seen your faces, though. 959 00:40:17,697 --> 00:40:19,496 You looked like you shit yourselves. 960 00:40:19,498 --> 00:40:21,498 They looked scared as shit. 961 00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,433 Right? 962 00:40:23,435 --> 00:40:24,869 Come on and say hi to Mom. 963 00:40:24,871 --> 00:40:27,103 You're holding it in such a threatening way. 964 00:40:27,105 --> 00:40:28,438 You can't do that. 965 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:29,940 Hey, Mom, it's okay. 966 00:40:29,942 --> 00:40:32,009 These are Lenny Baxter's kids. You remember Lenny? 967 00:40:32,011 --> 00:40:33,013 Oh, Lenny. 968 00:40:33,779 --> 00:40:35,545 What a sweet man! 969 00:40:35,547 --> 00:40:37,949 So, what are you doing here? 970 00:40:37,951 --> 00:40:39,916 Is everything okay with your mom? 971 00:40:39,918 --> 00:40:41,719 Everything's good. We're on a quest. 972 00:40:41,721 --> 00:40:44,355 And I'll just cut right to the chase. 973 00:40:44,357 --> 00:40:46,690 Did you know Lenny 974 00:40:46,692 --> 00:40:50,460 between April and May of 1975? 975 00:40:50,462 --> 00:40:52,396 Know her, like, in a biblical sense. 976 00:40:52,398 --> 00:40:53,463 Sorry. 977 00:40:53,465 --> 00:40:54,965 No, she's heard it all. 978 00:40:54,967 --> 00:40:56,500 Okay. 979 00:40:56,502 --> 00:40:59,036 Yeah. '75, that sounds about right. Yeah. 980 00:40:59,038 --> 00:41:00,639 Why do you ask? 981 00:41:03,641 --> 00:41:05,678 We think we're your sons. 982 00:41:06,911 --> 00:41:08,512 Your boys. 983 00:41:08,514 --> 00:41:10,279 Me and Pete. 984 00:41:10,281 --> 00:41:12,017 You're our dad. 985 00:41:20,826 --> 00:41:21,828 Hi. 986 00:41:50,623 --> 00:41:54,561 Will you just excuse me for a minute? 987 00:42:01,034 --> 00:42:02,331 That was one of the most powerful things 988 00:42:02,333 --> 00:42:03,433 I've ever seen. 989 00:42:03,435 --> 00:42:06,003 He just inhaled us. 990 00:42:06,005 --> 00:42:07,070 Yeah. 991 00:42:07,072 --> 00:42:08,338 Did you smell him? 992 00:42:08,340 --> 00:42:09,639 - You smelled him? - Yes! 993 00:42:09,641 --> 00:42:10,940 What did he smell like? 994 00:42:10,942 --> 00:42:13,076 He smelled like 995 00:42:13,078 --> 00:42:14,311 - home. - Home? 996 00:42:14,313 --> 00:42:16,380 Fuck this! No! 997 00:42:16,382 --> 00:42:17,681 There is no fucking way 998 00:42:17,683 --> 00:42:19,717 those two jackasses are my kids! 999 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:21,451 They don't even fucking look like me! 1000 00:42:21,453 --> 00:42:22,686 The one with the beard 1001 00:42:22,688 --> 00:42:24,221 has your beautiful eyes. 1002 00:42:24,223 --> 00:42:25,489 Big fucking deal. 1003 00:42:25,491 --> 00:42:26,824 Fuck 'em! They look like 1004 00:42:26,826 --> 00:42:28,092 a couple of total fucking dickheads! 1005 00:42:28,094 --> 00:42:32,029 Oh... We are not descended from that. 1006 00:42:32,031 --> 00:42:33,500 That's not our dad. 1007 00:42:37,002 --> 00:42:39,704 Would you boys like anything to drink? 1008 00:42:39,706 --> 00:42:42,538 I would love a Hinano beer. 1009 00:42:42,540 --> 00:42:44,507 I'll see if we have one. 1010 00:42:44,509 --> 00:42:46,009 It's an awesome Tahitian beer. 1011 00:42:46,011 --> 00:42:47,945 She is so adorable. 1012 00:42:47,947 --> 00:42:49,112 I'm out of here. 1013 00:42:49,114 --> 00:42:51,114 If he is our father, I don't want to know. 1014 00:42:51,116 --> 00:42:52,516 Come on, Pete. 1015 00:42:52,518 --> 00:42:56,253 He's in shock, all right? I'm getting good energy here. 1016 00:42:56,255 --> 00:42:57,688 Based on what? 1017 00:42:57,690 --> 00:43:01,257 We are all out of Mojumbo. 1018 00:43:01,259 --> 00:43:02,759 But 1019 00:43:02,761 --> 00:43:06,865 Roland has something that he'd like to say to you. 1020 00:43:07,766 --> 00:43:09,266 I'm sorry. 1021 00:43:09,268 --> 00:43:11,737 I don't think they heard you. 1022 00:43:13,072 --> 00:43:16,607 I'm sorry! 1023 00:43:16,609 --> 00:43:18,007 Well, three time's the charm. 1024 00:43:18,009 --> 00:43:21,545 Oh, this is just such a blessing. 1025 00:43:21,547 --> 00:43:23,882 I'm finally a grandma. 1026 00:43:24,917 --> 00:43:27,052 Well, I'm gonna go finish up. 1027 00:43:29,755 --> 00:43:31,691 Well, listen. It's a pleasure. Really. 1028 00:43:33,226 --> 00:43:35,962 Something I want to show you guys. Come here. 1029 00:43:36,696 --> 00:43:38,228 Go ahead, guys. 1030 00:43:38,230 --> 00:43:39,732 After you. 1031 00:43:40,665 --> 00:43:42,733 Are you happy? 1032 00:43:42,735 --> 00:43:44,300 He's gonna kill us down here. 1033 00:43:44,302 --> 00:43:45,536 He's not going to kill us. 1034 00:43:45,538 --> 00:43:47,371 Yes, he is. 1035 00:43:47,373 --> 00:43:49,306 Is there a light down here? 1036 00:43:49,308 --> 00:43:50,574 No, that bulb's out. 1037 00:43:50,576 --> 00:43:52,275 You can use your phone, I guess. 1038 00:43:52,277 --> 00:43:53,511 Did you bring the gun? 1039 00:43:53,513 --> 00:43:55,045 No, I did not bring the gun. 1040 00:43:55,047 --> 00:43:56,779 - Damn it. - I left it upstairs. 1041 00:43:56,781 --> 00:43:58,215 Take a left at the bottom of the stairs. 1042 00:43:58,217 --> 00:43:59,748 Oh, my God. 1043 00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:01,251 Why are there mannequins? 1044 00:44:01,253 --> 00:44:02,956 Pete, I'm scared. 1045 00:44:04,690 --> 00:44:07,123 How are the vibes now, Kyle? 1046 00:44:07,125 --> 00:44:08,227 Not good. 1047 00:44:10,563 --> 00:44:12,029 There we go. 1048 00:44:12,031 --> 00:44:13,065 Now... 1049 00:44:14,567 --> 00:44:16,833 I think this is it. 1050 00:44:16,835 --> 00:44:18,605 Pete, you want to do the honors? 1051 00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:26,012 Oh, shit! 1052 00:44:28,147 --> 00:44:31,014 That is the wrong box. 1053 00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:32,018 Sorry. 1054 00:44:32,451 --> 00:44:33,652 Uh... 1055 00:44:34,353 --> 00:44:36,255 Gotta be this one. 1056 00:44:37,656 --> 00:44:39,255 Okay. 1057 00:44:39,257 --> 00:44:41,525 I'll do it for you. 1058 00:44:41,527 --> 00:44:43,061 No rodents. 1059 00:44:44,163 --> 00:44:45,164 Go ahead. 1060 00:44:48,034 --> 00:44:49,235 Is that Mom? 1061 00:44:49,668 --> 00:44:50,936 What? 1062 00:44:52,105 --> 00:44:53,337 Oh, my God. 1063 00:44:53,339 --> 00:44:55,239 Look at you guys. 1064 00:44:55,241 --> 00:44:57,373 You look incredible. 1065 00:44:57,375 --> 00:44:59,108 Yeah, she looks really happy. 1066 00:44:59,110 --> 00:45:01,013 She was 1067 00:45:01,712 --> 00:45:03,917 just an amazing woman. 1068 00:45:04,516 --> 00:45:06,317 Okay. 1069 00:45:06,319 --> 00:45:10,487 You don't have to tell us what an amazing lay she was, 1070 00:45:10,489 --> 00:45:11,922 and how suckable 1071 00:45:11,924 --> 00:45:14,358 her candied nipples are... 1072 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:15,759 What the hell is the matter... 1073 00:45:15,761 --> 00:45:17,895 This is your mom we're talking about. Jesus. 1074 00:45:17,897 --> 00:45:20,096 Pete! That's not appropriate! 1075 00:45:20,098 --> 00:45:21,232 Sorry, Roland. 1076 00:45:21,234 --> 00:45:22,866 Whatever, anyway. 1077 00:45:22,868 --> 00:45:25,735 My point being, 1078 00:45:25,737 --> 00:45:28,808 she's the only woman I ever truly loved. 1079 00:45:30,074 --> 00:45:31,775 Oh, man. 1080 00:45:31,777 --> 00:45:34,543 I think that's why I got a little kind of 1081 00:45:34,545 --> 00:45:36,313 bent out of shape upstairs there 1082 00:45:36,315 --> 00:45:39,016 when you guys dropped the bombshell on me, 1083 00:45:39,018 --> 00:45:42,686 and, honestly, I was just kind of 1084 00:45:42,688 --> 00:45:45,625 regretting what might have been. 1085 00:45:46,292 --> 00:45:47,791 Hmm. 1086 00:45:47,793 --> 00:45:50,628 I mean, I'm not exactly living the dream here. 1087 00:45:50,630 --> 00:45:52,098 Sometimes, um... 1088 00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:56,967 You just... 1089 00:45:56,969 --> 00:45:58,934 Sometimes you just find yourself 1090 00:45:58,936 --> 00:46:01,674 not where you want to be. 1091 00:46:04,310 --> 00:46:05,576 Yeah. I'm sorry. 1092 00:46:05,578 --> 00:46:07,179 Thanks, Pete. 1093 00:46:09,949 --> 00:46:12,181 Well, I got a work thing, guys. I gotta go. Sorry. 1094 00:46:12,183 --> 00:46:15,018 What, you got like a little Wall Street deal going on? 1095 00:46:15,020 --> 00:46:16,686 No. I'll tell you what I've learned. 1096 00:46:16,688 --> 00:46:18,989 You've got to diversify. 1097 00:46:18,991 --> 00:46:20,556 And I don't care if you're making 1098 00:46:20,558 --> 00:46:21,958 10 grand a year or 10 million. 1099 00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,860 You don't want it all coming from one place. 1100 00:46:23,862 --> 00:46:25,561 That's how guys get burned. 1101 00:46:25,563 --> 00:46:27,163 Really? 1102 00:46:27,165 --> 00:46:29,368 Oh, yeah. Don't want all your eggs in one basket. 1103 00:46:31,235 --> 00:46:32,404 Come on. 1104 00:46:34,607 --> 00:46:35,773 Lately, I've been doing 1105 00:46:35,775 --> 00:46:37,074 a lot of work with creditors. 1106 00:46:37,076 --> 00:46:39,976 Helping them to reacquire merchandise 1107 00:46:39,978 --> 00:46:43,012 when the debtor can no longer afford the payments. 1108 00:46:43,014 --> 00:46:44,614 Oh, like a repo man. 1109 00:46:44,616 --> 00:46:45,750 Yeah, exactly. 1110 00:46:45,752 --> 00:46:46,983 Of course now, I gotta call 1111 00:46:46,985 --> 00:46:48,251 a fucking cab just to do this job. 1112 00:46:48,253 --> 00:46:50,453 We can give you a ride, right? 1113 00:46:50,455 --> 00:46:52,422 Oh, no, I couldn't impose on you guys. 1114 00:46:52,424 --> 00:46:53,757 Oh, come on. 1115 00:46:53,759 --> 00:46:55,726 Besides, it can be dangerous, repo work. 1116 00:46:55,728 --> 00:46:56,960 You know, people don't like 1117 00:46:56,962 --> 00:46:58,596 having their stuff taken from them. 1118 00:46:58,598 --> 00:47:00,429 Hey, people don't like having their anuses probed either, 1119 00:47:00,431 --> 00:47:03,969 but that's how I've made a living the last 12 years. 1120 00:47:05,337 --> 00:47:07,471 As a doctor. 1121 00:47:07,473 --> 00:47:08,570 Oh. 1122 00:47:08,572 --> 00:47:11,810 Come on. Let us help you. 1123 00:47:12,511 --> 00:47:14,777 So, what happens 1124 00:47:14,779 --> 00:47:17,380 if they show up while you're doing this? 1125 00:47:17,382 --> 00:47:18,681 Well... 1126 00:47:18,683 --> 00:47:21,485 Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, you know? 1127 00:47:21,487 --> 00:47:22,985 If he does show up, 1128 00:47:22,987 --> 00:47:25,688 you can expect to hear some top-shelf bullshit. 1129 00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:27,157 Is that right? 1130 00:47:27,159 --> 00:47:29,793 "Repossessed? I've never even missed a payment! 1131 00:47:29,795 --> 00:47:32,061 "Got to be a computer error." 1132 00:47:32,063 --> 00:47:34,063 That is classic bullshit. 1133 00:47:34,065 --> 00:47:36,766 They're late on their child support, 1134 00:47:36,768 --> 00:47:38,569 they'll even deny they have kids. 1135 00:47:38,571 --> 00:47:39,668 What? 1136 00:47:39,670 --> 00:47:42,273 God! Just sick. 1137 00:47:44,143 --> 00:47:46,775 Got to love that sound, huh, Pete? 1138 00:47:46,777 --> 00:47:48,078 - There you go. - Oh, wow! 1139 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,512 Plus, there's only going to be room for 1140 00:47:49,514 --> 00:47:50,746 - two of us, so who draws... - Shotgun! 1141 00:47:50,748 --> 00:47:52,081 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1142 00:47:52,083 --> 00:47:53,683 No, no. No worries. 1143 00:47:53,685 --> 00:47:55,851 We're within our legal rights here. 1144 00:47:55,853 --> 00:47:58,454 Just doing our jobs. 1145 00:47:58,456 --> 00:48:00,023 What the fuck you doing to my property? 1146 00:48:00,025 --> 00:48:01,224 Your car's being repossessed. 1147 00:48:01,226 --> 00:48:03,059 I'd advise you to just stand back 1148 00:48:03,061 --> 00:48:04,261 and let us do our jobs. 1149 00:48:04,263 --> 00:48:06,163 You're going to repossess my car? 1150 00:48:06,165 --> 00:48:09,099 I've never missed a single payment. 1151 00:48:09,101 --> 00:48:10,666 Guys, this has got to be some kind of computer error. 1152 00:48:10,668 --> 00:48:12,636 Check your little computer things, and you'll find out. 1153 00:48:12,638 --> 00:48:13,902 Two for two. 1154 00:48:13,904 --> 00:48:15,773 My God! 1155 00:48:15,775 --> 00:48:17,541 Word on the street is you even missed 1156 00:48:17,543 --> 00:48:18,909 your child support payments. 1157 00:48:18,911 --> 00:48:20,143 Come on, man. 1158 00:48:20,145 --> 00:48:21,777 Hey, genius, I don't have any kids. 1159 00:48:21,779 --> 00:48:23,779 I'm sorry. Paying your bills, 1160 00:48:23,781 --> 00:48:25,815 very basic adult responsibility. 1161 00:48:25,817 --> 00:48:27,918 - Yup. Well said, Pete. - Thank you. 1162 00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,686 This is insanity. I'm calling the police. 1163 00:48:29,688 --> 00:48:31,054 Well, feel free, 1164 00:48:31,056 --> 00:48:32,088 but it is going to be pretty embarrassing 1165 00:48:32,090 --> 00:48:34,391 when I show them the paperwork. 1166 00:48:34,393 --> 00:48:35,858 I left it in the car. 1167 00:48:35,860 --> 00:48:37,061 Kyle, can I have the keys? 1168 00:48:37,063 --> 00:48:38,427 And I'll run down there and get it. 1169 00:48:38,429 --> 00:48:39,529 Give him the keys. 1170 00:48:39,531 --> 00:48:41,030 Thank you. 1171 00:48:41,032 --> 00:48:43,666 And make sure they don't escape in the old Ferrari. 1172 00:48:43,668 --> 00:48:44,933 Make sure I don't steal my own car. 1173 00:48:44,935 --> 00:48:46,302 We got this. We got this. 1174 00:48:46,304 --> 00:48:47,637 - Yeah, Pete's got this. - Deadbeat asshole. 1175 00:48:47,639 --> 00:48:49,306 Are you fucking kidding me? 1176 00:48:49,308 --> 00:48:52,509 Let me tell you something, McEnroe, 1177 00:48:52,511 --> 00:48:54,344 you're not too big to fail. 1178 00:48:54,346 --> 00:48:55,712 That's right. 1179 00:48:55,714 --> 00:48:57,114 You failed today. 1180 00:48:57,116 --> 00:48:59,882 Because we're taking your Ferrari. 1181 00:48:59,884 --> 00:49:02,520 You just double faulted. 1182 00:49:02,522 --> 00:49:06,023 And the bank broke your serve. 1183 00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:07,324 - You know what, buddy? - What? 1184 00:49:07,326 --> 00:49:10,927 Life isn't about just accumulating stuff. 1185 00:49:10,929 --> 00:49:12,563 All right? 1186 00:49:12,565 --> 00:49:15,799 The fast cars and the big house in Hawaii 1187 00:49:15,801 --> 00:49:17,099 and the white clothes 1188 00:49:17,101 --> 00:49:18,235 and the model girlfriend. 1189 00:49:18,237 --> 00:49:19,770 This is freaking New York! 1190 00:49:19,772 --> 00:49:21,770 This is my wife. Hello. 1191 00:49:21,772 --> 00:49:23,338 You think I'm a model? 1192 00:49:23,340 --> 00:49:26,043 Well, he doesn't think you're a model, you're 5'2". 1193 00:49:26,045 --> 00:49:27,277 Yeah, she's got a wedding ring. 1194 00:49:27,279 --> 00:49:29,112 I didn't see the wedding ring. 1195 00:49:29,114 --> 00:49:31,081 Oh, my God. You know what? 1196 00:49:31,083 --> 00:49:33,683 This ain't worth it. Fine, you guys are right. 1197 00:49:33,685 --> 00:49:34,750 I'll just cut you a check. 1198 00:49:34,752 --> 00:49:36,520 Could we just end this, please? 1199 00:49:36,522 --> 00:49:38,288 Do me a favor, go get the check book. 1200 00:49:38,290 --> 00:49:39,889 It's in the closet. My side of the bed, please? 1201 00:49:39,891 --> 00:49:41,092 - Okay. - Thank you. 1202 00:49:41,661 --> 00:49:43,259 All good. 1203 00:49:43,261 --> 00:49:44,694 Yeah, it's me. That Ferrari didn't work out. 1204 00:49:44,696 --> 00:49:48,498 You know anybody who can move a Chevy Malibu? 1205 00:49:48,500 --> 00:49:50,136 All right, call me back. 1206 00:49:54,839 --> 00:49:56,975 You gotta be kidding me. 1207 00:50:02,848 --> 00:50:04,483 Damn it, Lenny. 1208 00:50:05,516 --> 00:50:07,518 Where's Roland? 1209 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:08,451 He's coming. 1210 00:50:08,453 --> 00:50:09,786 - Honey! - Yeah? 1211 00:50:09,788 --> 00:50:10,987 I've got the check book. 1212 00:50:10,989 --> 00:50:12,391 Great. 1213 00:50:13,692 --> 00:50:14,991 Come on, let's go! 1214 00:50:14,993 --> 00:50:16,192 Give me the gun. Don't point it at me! 1215 00:50:16,194 --> 00:50:17,494 - We're taking the Ferrari! - Pete! 1216 00:50:17,496 --> 00:50:18,628 Do it for Dad! 1217 00:50:18,630 --> 00:50:19,728 Come on! 1218 00:50:19,730 --> 00:50:21,630 Babe, give me the gun! 1219 00:50:21,632 --> 00:50:23,368 - Shit! - Go, go, go! 1220 00:50:24,136 --> 00:50:25,936 Let go of the fucking gun! 1221 00:50:25,938 --> 00:50:27,306 Stop! 1222 00:50:29,741 --> 00:50:30,907 Roland, we got it! 1223 00:50:30,909 --> 00:50:33,476 We got the car! 1224 00:50:34,647 --> 00:50:35,648 Stop! 1225 00:50:37,616 --> 00:50:38,949 Oh, shit. 1226 00:50:38,951 --> 00:50:40,016 God! 1227 00:50:40,018 --> 00:50:41,116 What was that? 1228 00:50:41,118 --> 00:50:43,121 I think it was a person. 1229 00:50:43,989 --> 00:50:45,121 Roland! 1230 00:50:45,123 --> 00:50:46,590 Oh, my God, you killed Dad! 1231 00:50:46,592 --> 00:50:47,824 - Roland! - Dad! 1232 00:50:47,826 --> 00:50:49,328 Dial 911! 1233 00:50:52,764 --> 00:50:54,665 So, I guess Dad's a bad guy. 1234 00:50:54,667 --> 00:50:56,134 Oh, yeah. 1235 00:50:58,069 --> 00:51:00,704 I understand how Luke Skywalker felt now. 1236 00:51:00,706 --> 00:51:03,172 Yeah, seriously. 1237 00:51:03,174 --> 00:51:05,377 She's really beautiful. 1238 00:51:06,377 --> 00:51:08,878 She looks great here. 1239 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:10,146 Glowing. 1240 00:51:10,148 --> 00:51:12,583 Roland even looks good. Who's this? 1241 00:51:12,585 --> 00:51:16,088 Who's this guy with the scratched out face? 1242 00:51:18,857 --> 00:51:20,456 Excuse me, Doc. 1243 00:51:20,458 --> 00:51:22,692 Doc, any word? 1244 00:51:22,694 --> 00:51:25,929 Well, the good news is that he's in stable condition. 1245 00:51:25,931 --> 00:51:27,096 - Great! - Okay. All right. 1246 00:51:27,098 --> 00:51:28,364 The bad news, however, 1247 00:51:28,366 --> 00:51:30,366 is that his blood is AB positive. 1248 00:51:30,368 --> 00:51:31,800 What? That doesn't sound... 1249 00:51:31,802 --> 00:51:33,003 No, no, it's just that 1250 00:51:33,005 --> 00:51:35,172 the blood you gave is O negative. 1251 00:51:35,174 --> 00:51:38,541 Negative? Mine is? 1252 00:51:38,543 --> 00:51:41,043 It means that, uh, 1253 00:51:41,045 --> 00:51:43,112 he can't be our father. 1254 00:51:43,114 --> 00:51:44,880 Genetically. 1255 00:51:44,882 --> 00:51:47,986 You can go in and see him if you like. 1256 00:51:48,819 --> 00:51:50,121 Thank you. 1257 00:51:54,427 --> 00:51:58,226 You're awake. How you doing there, champ? 1258 00:51:58,228 --> 00:52:00,096 Mmm, feeling no pain. 1259 00:52:00,098 --> 00:52:01,299 Yeah. 1260 00:52:02,067 --> 00:52:04,101 Sorry we ran over you. 1261 00:52:04,103 --> 00:52:06,637 And sorry you're going to jail. 1262 00:52:06,639 --> 00:52:08,605 Be good to get off the hamster wheel. 1263 00:52:08,607 --> 00:52:09,706 I hear ya. 1264 00:52:09,708 --> 00:52:11,210 Hey, Roland, let me ask you something. 1265 00:52:12,810 --> 00:52:15,177 When did you know 1266 00:52:15,179 --> 00:52:16,514 that we weren't yours? 1267 00:52:17,583 --> 00:52:18,782 I don't know, 1268 00:52:18,784 --> 00:52:20,817 like, two minutes ago when the doc told me. 1269 00:52:20,819 --> 00:52:22,152 Unbelievable. 1270 00:52:22,154 --> 00:52:23,353 So, as far as you knew, 1271 00:52:23,355 --> 00:52:25,621 you were intentionally duping 1272 00:52:25,623 --> 00:52:28,692 your own sons into committing a felony? 1273 00:52:28,694 --> 00:52:30,027 Yeah. So? Whatever. 1274 00:52:30,029 --> 00:52:32,429 Don't be such a fucking pussy about it. 1275 00:52:32,431 --> 00:52:36,264 My dad was an asshole, too. He ran out, he was a crook. 1276 00:52:36,266 --> 00:52:37,933 Life sucks. Life is hard. 1277 00:52:37,935 --> 00:52:39,069 Get over it. 1278 00:52:39,071 --> 00:52:41,971 Life is hard, Pete. 1279 00:52:41,973 --> 00:52:44,907 Wait a minute. You know what? 1280 00:52:44,909 --> 00:52:48,677 Fuck! I should've known you guys weren't mine. 1281 00:52:48,679 --> 00:52:49,980 '75 you said, right? 1282 00:52:49,982 --> 00:52:51,547 Spring of '75? 1283 00:52:51,549 --> 00:52:52,849 Right. 1284 00:52:52,851 --> 00:52:55,351 I started dating Lenny in '74. 1285 00:52:55,353 --> 00:52:56,853 By the spring of '75, 1286 00:52:56,855 --> 00:52:59,590 I was doing my first stint in the joint. 1287 00:52:59,592 --> 00:53:01,791 I got busted dealing coke in this nightclub 1288 00:53:01,793 --> 00:53:04,194 by some fucking disco-permed, 1289 00:53:04,196 --> 00:53:06,195 roller-skating, motherfucking narc. 1290 00:53:06,197 --> 00:53:07,400 Wait. 1291 00:53:09,368 --> 00:53:10,599 You mean this guy. 1292 00:53:10,601 --> 00:53:12,402 Yeah. That's the guy. 1293 00:53:12,404 --> 00:53:14,471 I don't know what pissed me off more, he put me in jail 1294 00:53:14,473 --> 00:53:16,438 or he started schtupping your mom 1295 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,208 the second I was behind bars. 1296 00:53:18,210 --> 00:53:20,710 This guy was schtupping our mother? 1297 00:53:20,712 --> 00:53:22,415 Hey. 1298 00:53:23,281 --> 00:53:26,016 That guy is your fucking dad. 1299 00:53:26,018 --> 00:53:29,085 I should've known. You look like a couple of junior narcs. 1300 00:53:29,087 --> 00:53:31,320 Well, do you have a name? 1301 00:53:31,322 --> 00:53:33,023 Give me 1,000 bucks and I'll tell you. 1302 00:53:33,025 --> 00:53:34,791 - Fuck you! Come on, Kyle. - Pete... 1303 00:53:34,793 --> 00:53:36,626 Okay, nice meeting you. 1304 00:53:36,628 --> 00:53:37,763 Roland... 1305 00:53:41,967 --> 00:53:44,400 Would you take $400? 1306 00:53:44,402 --> 00:53:46,335 - Sparkly P? - Yup. 1307 00:53:46,337 --> 00:53:51,340 You just paid Roland $1,000 for the name Sparkly P! 1308 00:53:51,342 --> 00:53:52,942 You got conned, Kyle! 1309 00:53:52,944 --> 00:53:55,712 I paid him $680 and I had $1,000. 1310 00:53:55,714 --> 00:53:58,047 I conned him. Yeah! 1311 00:53:58,049 --> 00:54:00,583 And now I think we're ready to make a little inquiry 1312 00:54:00,585 --> 00:54:02,853 into this Sparkly P character. 1313 00:54:02,855 --> 00:54:05,355 Yeah? Where? The white pages? 1314 00:54:05,357 --> 00:54:07,458 Huh? The glitter store? 1315 00:54:07,460 --> 00:54:10,226 Do you realize how insane you sound? 1316 00:54:10,228 --> 00:54:12,329 We're going home! 1317 00:54:12,331 --> 00:54:13,862 You're just gonna give up? 1318 00:54:13,864 --> 00:54:15,498 We almost got killed! 1319 00:54:15,500 --> 00:54:18,467 We? Roland almost got killed. What are you talking about? 1320 00:54:18,469 --> 00:54:20,670 We just had one of the best adventures of our lives. 1321 00:54:20,672 --> 00:54:21,804 No, we didn't. 1322 00:54:21,806 --> 00:54:22,973 What happened to 1323 00:54:22,975 --> 00:54:25,275 Mr. "I won't rest until we find our dad"? 1324 00:54:25,277 --> 00:54:27,476 The universe doesn't like quitters, Pete. 1325 00:54:27,478 --> 00:54:29,978 You know what? Fuck the universe! 1326 00:54:29,980 --> 00:54:31,648 The universe sucks! 1327 00:54:31,650 --> 00:54:33,083 Don't say that. 1328 00:54:33,085 --> 00:54:35,284 You realize this whole time it's been telling us it's time 1329 00:54:35,286 --> 00:54:38,087 to shut down Operation Who's Your Daddy? 1330 00:54:38,089 --> 00:54:39,790 That's a good name for it, Pete. 1331 00:54:39,792 --> 00:54:43,626 That's a good name for the quest. 1332 00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:47,529 But before we close the book on Operation Who's Your Daddy, 1333 00:54:47,531 --> 00:54:48,831 let me say one thing, Pete... 1334 00:54:48,833 --> 00:54:51,902 It's too late. Kyle, book is closed. 1335 00:54:51,904 --> 00:54:53,136 - That's it? - Yup. That's it. 1336 00:54:53,138 --> 00:54:55,005 - You don't want to hear it? - No! 1337 00:54:55,007 --> 00:54:57,940 I got us on the 10:00 p.m. flight out of JFK. 1338 00:54:57,942 --> 00:54:59,411 That is what we're doing. 1339 00:55:00,578 --> 00:55:01,811 Look at this poor guy. 1340 00:55:01,813 --> 00:55:04,212 No one will even give him the time of day. 1341 00:55:04,214 --> 00:55:05,447 Well, we're not stopping. 1342 00:55:05,449 --> 00:55:06,583 We're not picking up a hitchhiker. 1343 00:55:06,585 --> 00:55:08,585 What do you think is gonna happen? 1344 00:55:08,587 --> 00:55:12,188 You think he's gonna just murder you, rob you, rape you? 1345 00:55:12,190 --> 00:55:13,523 Yeah. All three. 1346 00:55:13,525 --> 00:55:15,791 Okay, all of the above. Look at him. 1347 00:55:15,793 --> 00:55:17,561 I am looking at him. 1348 00:55:17,563 --> 00:55:19,663 You know somebody your whole life, 1349 00:55:19,665 --> 00:55:21,598 and then you wake up and you realize 1350 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,699 you've been lying next to a racist. 1351 00:55:23,701 --> 00:55:25,534 What? It's not 'cause he's black. 1352 00:55:25,536 --> 00:55:27,103 It's 'cause he's a stranger 1353 00:55:27,105 --> 00:55:28,538 and a hitchhiker 1354 00:55:28,540 --> 00:55:30,974 and could very easily be a serial killer. 1355 00:55:30,976 --> 00:55:34,677 There are no black serial killers, Pete. 1356 00:55:34,679 --> 00:55:35,846 That's a fact. 1357 00:55:35,848 --> 00:55:37,480 Just don't make eye contact, please? 1358 00:55:37,482 --> 00:55:39,382 Because then I'll have to pull over, 1359 00:55:39,384 --> 00:55:40,951 and it'll be awkward 1360 00:55:40,953 --> 00:55:43,286 and we'll have to give him a ride and all that. Just... 1361 00:55:43,288 --> 00:55:45,788 You're looking in his direction. 1362 00:55:45,790 --> 00:55:46,956 I'm not looking. 1363 00:55:46,958 --> 00:55:48,558 You're totally turning your head. 1364 00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,192 - My eyes are wandering. - I'm watching you. 1365 00:55:50,194 --> 00:55:51,694 Look this way. 1366 00:55:51,696 --> 00:55:53,429 - Pete, I'm not looking. - Look out the left. 1367 00:55:53,431 --> 00:55:54,563 You're totally looking right at him. 1368 00:55:54,565 --> 00:55:55,833 My peripheral vision. 1369 00:55:56,868 --> 00:55:58,936 Oh, God damn it! 1370 00:55:58,938 --> 00:56:00,402 What? I didn't look at him! 1371 00:56:00,404 --> 00:56:02,640 - Ah, he got me. - What? 1372 00:56:03,875 --> 00:56:06,541 I blew it. That one's on me. 1373 00:56:06,543 --> 00:56:08,011 - You made eye contact? - Yeah. 1374 00:56:08,013 --> 00:56:09,212 Shit. 1375 00:56:09,214 --> 00:56:10,445 We're still not picking him up, 1376 00:56:10,447 --> 00:56:11,980 so let him down easy. 1377 00:56:11,982 --> 00:56:13,215 Hey, how you doing? 1378 00:56:13,217 --> 00:56:15,217 You stopped. Thank you. 1379 00:56:15,219 --> 00:56:16,853 Thank you. Thank you both. 1380 00:56:16,855 --> 00:56:18,322 - You're welcome. - Thank you so much. 1381 00:56:18,324 --> 00:56:19,456 Even if you don't give me ride, 1382 00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,558 thank you just for stopping. 1383 00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:22,858 I was beginning to think 1384 00:56:22,860 --> 00:56:24,360 black was the new invisible out here. 1385 00:56:24,362 --> 00:56:26,262 You know what I mean? The gesture means a lot. 1386 00:56:26,264 --> 00:56:27,663 Where are you headed? 1387 00:56:27,665 --> 00:56:29,433 North. Worcester, Mass. 1388 00:56:29,435 --> 00:56:31,668 Just trying to get to my kid's birthday tomorrow. 1389 00:56:31,670 --> 00:56:33,936 We're really sorry. We're going south. 1390 00:56:33,938 --> 00:56:36,304 We're going to JFK, so... 1391 00:56:36,306 --> 00:56:37,440 How about this? 1392 00:56:37,442 --> 00:56:38,842 There's a train station, 1393 00:56:38,844 --> 00:56:40,976 it's like two miles south. You take me there? 1394 00:56:40,978 --> 00:56:42,110 Now, I don't see why... 1395 00:56:42,112 --> 00:56:43,346 Are you fucking crazy? 1396 00:56:43,348 --> 00:56:45,482 I'm gonna have to ask you... 1397 00:56:45,484 --> 00:56:47,016 We got a Nervous Nelly here. 1398 00:56:47,018 --> 00:56:49,652 So I know this is gonna sound like a funny question, 1399 00:56:49,654 --> 00:56:51,656 but are you a serial killer? 1400 00:56:53,357 --> 00:56:54,724 No. No. 1401 00:56:54,726 --> 00:56:56,626 I get it. There's a lot of nuts out there. 1402 00:56:56,628 --> 00:56:58,994 I am a stranger, I am a hitchhiker... 1403 00:56:58,996 --> 00:57:00,329 Satisfied? 1404 00:57:00,331 --> 00:57:04,366 ...but I swear to you, I am not a serial killer. 1405 00:57:04,368 --> 00:57:06,436 - Hmm... - Well, did you notice how you 1406 00:57:06,438 --> 00:57:07,637 emphasized the word "serial," 1407 00:57:07,639 --> 00:57:10,005 which makes it sound like 1408 00:57:10,007 --> 00:57:13,842 you're a killer, just not a serial one. 1409 00:57:13,844 --> 00:57:14,978 Oh, man, okay. 1410 00:57:14,980 --> 00:57:17,145 Now that was totally unintentional. 1411 00:57:17,147 --> 00:57:18,413 I promise you that. 1412 00:57:18,415 --> 00:57:19,882 Didn't mean that. 1413 00:57:19,884 --> 00:57:21,650 But you're still not saying, "I'm not a killer." 1414 00:57:21,652 --> 00:57:25,323 It seems like that's what a non-killer would say. 1415 00:57:26,023 --> 00:57:28,358 I'm an idiot, man. Idiot! 1416 00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:29,958 I've been a non-killer too long 1417 00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:31,594 to not know the non-killer rules. 1418 00:57:31,596 --> 00:57:33,395 You know what I mean? 1419 00:57:33,397 --> 00:57:35,563 How about this? We'll give you a ride... 1420 00:57:35,565 --> 00:57:36,965 Are you fucking crazy? 1421 00:57:36,967 --> 00:57:38,067 Let me finish, Pete. 1422 00:57:38,069 --> 00:57:40,402 We can give you a ride to the station, 1423 00:57:40,404 --> 00:57:41,637 but, and this is a pretty big but, 1424 00:57:41,639 --> 00:57:43,340 only if we can tie you up. 1425 00:57:43,342 --> 00:57:44,974 That way you can't rape 1426 00:57:44,976 --> 00:57:48,614 or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here. 1427 00:57:54,118 --> 00:57:55,321 Uh... 1428 00:57:58,089 --> 00:57:59,322 You okay? 1429 00:57:59,324 --> 00:58:00,456 Those aren't too tight, are they? 1430 00:58:00,458 --> 00:58:02,458 Almost kill you. Can't kill you. 1431 00:58:04,362 --> 00:58:05,862 Don't even joke around 1432 00:58:05,864 --> 00:58:07,029 with our driver. 1433 00:58:07,031 --> 00:58:08,197 Sorry to interrupt. 1434 00:58:08,199 --> 00:58:09,699 I'm still not getting a phone signal here. 1435 00:58:09,701 --> 00:58:11,733 Are you sure there's a train station this way? 1436 00:58:11,735 --> 00:58:14,137 100%. I grew up one town over. 1437 00:58:14,139 --> 00:58:16,739 I used to play ice hockey at the rink across the street. 1438 00:58:16,741 --> 00:58:18,907 Just make a left up there. 1439 00:58:18,909 --> 00:58:20,946 I don't see street signs. 1440 00:58:22,346 --> 00:58:24,114 We are fucked. 1441 00:58:24,116 --> 00:58:25,415 Fucked! 1442 00:58:25,417 --> 00:58:26,782 We're gonna miss our flight. 1443 00:58:26,784 --> 00:58:28,016 - Take it easy, Pete. - Do you realize that? 1444 00:58:28,018 --> 00:58:29,619 Okay, then we'll catch another one. 1445 00:58:29,621 --> 00:58:31,253 Okay? It's not a big deal. 1446 00:58:31,255 --> 00:58:35,391 Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever a big deal. Must be nice. 1447 00:58:35,393 --> 00:58:39,496 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing a very disturbing vibe here. 1448 00:58:39,498 --> 00:58:41,663 Pete, are you mad at your brother about something? 1449 00:58:41,665 --> 00:58:44,634 Yes! I'm mad! And it's probably obvious. 1450 00:58:44,636 --> 00:58:48,103 There's like a rage pulsing through his entire body. 1451 00:58:48,105 --> 00:58:49,971 Classic Pete right here. 1452 00:58:49,973 --> 00:58:52,507 Luckily, I'm sort of the Pete whisperer. 1453 00:58:52,509 --> 00:58:55,378 I always know how to calm this guy down. 1454 00:58:55,380 --> 00:58:56,512 - Ah... - Good. 1455 00:58:56,514 --> 00:58:58,447 Let me turn on a little music 1456 00:58:58,449 --> 00:59:01,384 and just lullaby you into just relaxing. 1457 00:59:01,386 --> 00:59:02,884 - Wow. - There. 1458 00:59:02,886 --> 00:59:07,090 A, please don't patronize me and B, no music, okay? 1459 00:59:07,092 --> 00:59:08,625 I just need to focus right now. 1460 00:59:08,627 --> 00:59:11,161 Well, I think music will help you guys relax. 1461 00:59:11,163 --> 00:59:12,728 Makes a great point. 1462 00:59:12,730 --> 00:59:14,431 You can't focus if you're too tense, Pete. 1463 00:59:14,433 --> 00:59:15,833 I just need it quiet, okay? 1464 00:59:20,572 --> 00:59:22,204 What are you, 10? 1465 00:59:22,206 --> 00:59:23,739 Can't you just listen to music? 1466 00:59:23,741 --> 00:59:26,875 No! I don't want to listen to music. 1467 00:59:33,951 --> 00:59:36,421 Enough with the fucking radio, Kyle! 1468 00:59:39,456 --> 00:59:40,824 Oh, that was... 1469 00:59:40,826 --> 00:59:43,291 That was brilliant. Go get 'em, you idiot. 1470 00:59:43,293 --> 00:59:44,626 I'm not gonna go get 'em. 1471 00:59:44,628 --> 00:59:46,262 Untie me, I'll go get 'em. 1472 00:59:46,264 --> 00:59:47,764 We're not gonna get the keys 1473 00:59:47,766 --> 00:59:50,233 until you tell me what your problem is with me. 1474 00:59:50,235 --> 00:59:51,467 We're going to be here a while 1475 00:59:51,469 --> 00:59:53,203 because I have a million problems with you. 1476 00:59:53,205 --> 00:59:55,572 - Like what? - Yeah. Elaborate, Pete. 1477 00:59:55,574 --> 01:00:00,309 All you've ever done is rub your amazing life in my face. 1478 01:00:00,311 --> 01:00:02,645 Your trophies and your friends 1479 01:00:02,647 --> 01:00:05,415 and your black Amex and your sunsets. 1480 01:00:05,417 --> 01:00:07,516 Sorry for sending you sunsets. 1481 01:00:07,518 --> 01:00:09,117 I love sunsets. 1482 01:00:09,119 --> 01:00:10,152 Growing up was literally 1483 01:00:10,154 --> 01:00:11,520 like watching The Kyle Reynolds Show 1484 01:00:11,522 --> 01:00:13,155 24 hours a day. 1485 01:00:13,157 --> 01:00:14,357 Girls just liked you more. 1486 01:00:14,359 --> 01:00:16,259 Pete, I thought you liked hearing about my hook-ups 1487 01:00:16,261 --> 01:00:19,228 the same way I liked hearing about your hook-ups. 1488 01:00:19,230 --> 01:00:20,596 What hook-ups? 1489 01:00:20,598 --> 01:00:21,931 The girl you went out with in ninth grade. 1490 01:00:21,933 --> 01:00:23,866 Remember her, with the glasses and the bad skin? 1491 01:00:23,868 --> 01:00:25,168 - Pamela Hartley. - Yes! 1492 01:00:25,170 --> 01:00:27,003 Yeah, she only dated me to get to you. 1493 01:00:27,005 --> 01:00:29,038 And guess what? The second her skin cleared up, 1494 01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:30,038 he banged her. 1495 01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,041 Not cool, Kyle. I'm Team Peter. 1496 01:00:32,043 --> 01:00:33,442 You even had the balls to come home 1497 01:00:33,444 --> 01:00:34,476 and brag about how you nailed her 1498 01:00:34,478 --> 01:00:35,710 in the back of a Papa John's. 1499 01:00:35,712 --> 01:00:36,913 That girl that I messed around with 1500 01:00:36,915 --> 01:00:38,581 at Papa John's didn't even wear glasses. 1501 01:00:38,583 --> 01:00:40,315 Mistaken identity. Back on Team Kyle. 1502 01:00:40,317 --> 01:00:41,483 Guess what? 1503 01:00:41,485 --> 01:00:43,119 Junior year, she got contacts 1504 01:00:43,121 --> 01:00:44,887 and her skin cleared up and you banged her 1505 01:00:44,889 --> 01:00:47,857 right after having a sausage lover's pizza, apparently. 1506 01:00:47,859 --> 01:00:49,625 "This chick loves sausage, Pete." 1507 01:00:49,627 --> 01:00:50,893 I don't remember that. 1508 01:00:50,895 --> 01:00:52,795 If I have to hear about your goddamn 1509 01:00:52,797 --> 01:00:55,197 barbeque sauce fortune one more time. 1510 01:00:55,199 --> 01:00:58,233 The picture on the bottles could be literally anybody! 1511 01:00:58,235 --> 01:01:01,203 And you've lucked out your entire life. 1512 01:01:01,205 --> 01:01:02,237 The way you've lived, 1513 01:01:02,239 --> 01:01:03,706 you should be broke and homeless, 1514 01:01:03,708 --> 01:01:06,141 not chillaxing on a beach 1515 01:01:06,143 --> 01:01:08,777 with your perfect girlfriend and your perfect house 1516 01:01:08,779 --> 01:01:10,547 and your soon-to-be perfect family! 1517 01:01:10,549 --> 01:01:11,848 Fuck you! 1518 01:01:11,850 --> 01:01:14,050 Stop blaming me for everything. 1519 01:01:14,052 --> 01:01:17,219 You know, just because you think your life sucks. Okay? 1520 01:01:17,221 --> 01:01:18,554 Take some responsibility 1521 01:01:18,556 --> 01:01:20,088 for some of the decisions you made. 1522 01:01:20,090 --> 01:01:21,857 You decide to go ahead and marry 1523 01:01:21,859 --> 01:01:23,393 the first girl you ever mess around with, 1524 01:01:23,395 --> 01:01:25,962 and then, big shocker, it doesn't work out? 1525 01:01:25,964 --> 01:01:28,498 You decide to look at assholes for a living. 1526 01:01:28,500 --> 01:01:30,032 That's my fault? 1527 01:01:30,034 --> 01:01:32,701 Spent your whole life trying to impress a dead guy. 1528 01:01:32,703 --> 01:01:35,538 It's not my fault. It's your fault. 1529 01:01:35,540 --> 01:01:37,040 In fact, maybe if you tried 1530 01:01:37,042 --> 01:01:38,741 to be like me a little bit more, 1531 01:01:38,743 --> 01:01:40,775 you wouldn't be such a miserable dick! 1532 01:01:40,777 --> 01:01:42,580 And your son wouldn't hate you! 1533 01:01:45,449 --> 01:01:47,949 God damn it. 1534 01:01:47,951 --> 01:01:51,020 God damn it! You broke my glasses. 1535 01:01:51,022 --> 01:01:52,188 Fuck! 1536 01:01:52,190 --> 01:01:53,588 Guys, use your words. 1537 01:01:53,590 --> 01:01:55,157 Fuck you, Kyle! 1538 01:01:55,159 --> 01:01:56,326 I hate conflict. 1539 01:01:56,328 --> 01:01:57,960 Fuck you! 1540 01:01:57,962 --> 01:01:59,195 Asshole! 1541 01:01:59,197 --> 01:02:03,232 Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses is tingling. 1542 01:02:04,802 --> 01:02:08,038 I think we may be on a choo-choo track. 1543 01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:10,172 While you were lying on a beach in Maui, I was home, 1544 01:02:10,174 --> 01:02:11,474 taking care of Mom! 1545 01:02:11,476 --> 01:02:13,175 I don't like this. 1546 01:02:13,177 --> 01:02:15,244 Yup, that is definitely a choo-choo train. 1547 01:02:15,246 --> 01:02:16,980 Mom is an independent vibrant sexual woman! 1548 01:02:16,982 --> 01:02:18,081 Okay. 1549 01:02:18,083 --> 01:02:20,550 Stop taking care of people! 1550 01:02:20,552 --> 01:02:22,384 It's not the soul train, guys. 1551 01:02:22,386 --> 01:02:25,387 You want to stop fighting and look out the window... 1552 01:02:25,389 --> 01:02:28,525 Motherfuckers, we're on the motherfucking railroad tracks! 1553 01:02:28,527 --> 01:02:30,659 There's a train coming! 1554 01:02:30,661 --> 01:02:33,262 There is a train! 1555 01:02:33,264 --> 01:02:34,762 Get me off the tracks! 1556 01:02:34,764 --> 01:02:36,232 Train. Pete, get out! 1557 01:02:36,234 --> 01:02:37,703 Help! Now! 1558 01:02:38,837 --> 01:02:40,339 Get out! 1559 01:02:41,572 --> 01:02:42,773 My seatbelt! 1560 01:02:49,114 --> 01:02:50,349 Kyle! 1561 01:02:59,424 --> 01:03:00,692 Kyle! 1562 01:03:24,683 --> 01:03:25,884 Pete! 1563 01:03:28,185 --> 01:03:29,286 Pete! 1564 01:03:32,491 --> 01:03:33,859 Kyle! 1565 01:03:35,293 --> 01:03:36,795 Pete! 1566 01:03:38,163 --> 01:03:40,496 Kyle! 1567 01:03:40,498 --> 01:03:41,766 Pete! 1568 01:03:43,368 --> 01:03:45,670 Yes! 1569 01:03:53,744 --> 01:03:55,147 Yeah! 1570 01:04:28,513 --> 01:04:30,012 No. They're literally 1571 01:04:30,014 --> 01:04:32,315 replacing me with a monkey or a seal, 1572 01:04:32,317 --> 01:04:33,549 some kind of animal. 1573 01:04:33,551 --> 01:04:35,884 Because apparently animals don't get residuals. 1574 01:04:35,886 --> 01:04:38,823 A monkey can't do your job. 1575 01:04:41,192 --> 01:04:43,391 How much do you have left? 1576 01:04:43,393 --> 01:04:45,462 Not as much as I owe. 1577 01:04:45,464 --> 01:04:47,764 Yeah, I'll probably have a repo man 1578 01:04:47,766 --> 01:04:50,965 showing up at my house in a few weeks. 1579 01:04:50,967 --> 01:04:53,038 Take my Ferraris back. 1580 01:04:53,804 --> 01:04:55,804 Ferraris, plural? 1581 01:04:55,806 --> 01:04:57,109 Three. 1582 01:04:58,442 --> 01:05:02,177 You are incorrigible. 1583 01:05:02,179 --> 01:05:05,880 I'm just an idiot, Pete. You said so yourself. 1584 01:05:05,882 --> 01:05:08,217 You're not an idiot, Kyle. 1585 01:05:08,219 --> 01:05:10,422 You're not, you're just... 1586 01:05:10,855 --> 01:05:11,954 What? 1587 01:05:11,956 --> 01:05:13,989 You're overly optimistic. 1588 01:05:13,991 --> 01:05:15,123 That's all. 1589 01:05:15,125 --> 01:05:17,995 That's a nice way to put it. 1590 01:05:18,795 --> 01:05:19,929 Well, I don't know. 1591 01:05:19,931 --> 01:05:22,199 Who am I kidding? 1592 01:05:23,268 --> 01:05:24,699 I honestly started thinking 1593 01:05:24,701 --> 01:05:26,001 that Kaylani and our kid 1594 01:05:26,003 --> 01:05:27,770 would be better off without me. 1595 01:05:27,772 --> 01:05:30,105 Maybe I ought to just bail now. 1596 01:05:30,107 --> 01:05:33,442 For their sake because then, maybe, Kaylani 1597 01:05:33,444 --> 01:05:36,445 could tell the kid a cool story the way Mom did. 1598 01:05:36,447 --> 01:05:41,583 "Yeah, your dad was base jumping into a volcano 1599 01:05:41,585 --> 01:05:43,853 "and the lava got him." 1600 01:05:43,855 --> 01:05:47,058 Or I was a brilliant doctor, like you. 1601 01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:52,464 You have the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met. 1602 01:05:55,632 --> 01:05:59,034 And a little while ago, I thought I lost you forever, 1603 01:05:59,036 --> 01:06:03,507 and it was the worst feeling I've ever felt. 1604 01:06:05,109 --> 01:06:07,846 No one's better off without you, Kyle. 1605 01:06:08,746 --> 01:06:11,313 You're gonna be a great dad. 1606 01:06:11,315 --> 01:06:15,420 You know how you were always asking Mom about Dad? 1607 01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:20,255 I wasn't that curious. 1608 01:06:20,257 --> 01:06:22,526 I think because I had you. 1609 01:06:23,261 --> 01:06:24,527 What? 1610 01:06:24,529 --> 01:06:27,697 Yeah, I had a lot of friends and girlfriends 1611 01:06:27,699 --> 01:06:29,098 and people that love me 1612 01:06:29,100 --> 01:06:30,866 because I'm, kind of, you know, 1613 01:06:30,868 --> 01:06:32,902 bon vivant, a raconteur, 1614 01:06:32,904 --> 01:06:35,103 or whatever you want to say. 1615 01:06:35,105 --> 01:06:37,973 But you never thought I was any of those things, 1616 01:06:37,975 --> 01:06:40,076 but you were still there. 1617 01:06:40,078 --> 01:06:41,476 Getting on me. 1618 01:06:41,478 --> 01:06:44,012 "Hey! Don't jump off the roof into the pool. 1619 01:06:44,014 --> 01:06:45,480 "You'll break your neck. 1620 01:06:45,482 --> 01:06:48,085 "Here, let me show you how to tie your tie." 1621 01:06:49,018 --> 01:06:50,819 Always kind of thought 1622 01:06:50,821 --> 01:06:53,525 that was the type of stuff our dad would've been saying. 1623 01:06:56,793 --> 01:06:58,895 I'm sorry about your glasses. 1624 01:06:58,897 --> 01:07:00,061 Don't be. 1625 01:07:00,063 --> 01:07:01,963 I don't need them. 1626 01:07:01,965 --> 01:07:03,165 What do you mean? 1627 01:07:03,167 --> 01:07:05,867 I don't need glasses. 1628 01:07:05,869 --> 01:07:08,005 I have 20/20 vision. 1629 01:07:08,639 --> 01:07:09,871 What? 1630 01:07:09,873 --> 01:07:11,239 Yeah, I just had this image 1631 01:07:11,241 --> 01:07:13,007 of who I thought I should be 1632 01:07:13,009 --> 01:07:15,844 and glasses fit the bill. 1633 01:07:15,846 --> 01:07:17,145 There you go. 1634 01:07:17,147 --> 01:07:20,148 That's why you're brilliant. 1635 01:07:20,150 --> 01:07:22,884 Why did I wear glasses for 20 years? 1636 01:07:22,886 --> 01:07:25,020 Because you're an idiot. 1637 01:07:25,022 --> 01:07:26,855 I'm a fucking idiot. 1638 01:07:26,857 --> 01:07:29,592 I'm a big dumb idiot. 1639 01:07:29,594 --> 01:07:32,228 Boom! That's right. 1640 01:07:32,230 --> 01:07:34,197 "Oh, my God! I'm still alive!" 1641 01:07:34,199 --> 01:07:36,764 And that's basically how it all went. 1642 01:07:36,766 --> 01:07:39,869 It's crazy. This is one night we're talking about. 1643 01:07:39,871 --> 01:07:40,869 Yeah. 1644 01:07:40,871 --> 01:07:41,936 Yeah. 1645 01:07:41,938 --> 01:07:43,405 I guess we missed our flight. 1646 01:07:43,407 --> 01:07:45,875 You want to check and see when the next one is? 1647 01:07:45,877 --> 01:07:47,112 Nope. 1648 01:07:49,047 --> 01:07:50,712 I feel 1649 01:07:50,714 --> 01:07:53,014 very confident that the universe 1650 01:07:53,016 --> 01:07:56,284 is telling us to proceed 1651 01:07:56,286 --> 01:07:58,152 with Operation Who's Your Daddy. 1652 01:07:58,154 --> 01:07:59,887 Are you messing with me? 1653 01:07:59,889 --> 01:08:01,324 We started this goddamn mission 1654 01:08:01,326 --> 01:08:02,592 to find our father together, 1655 01:08:02,594 --> 01:08:04,592 and we are gonna finish it together. 1656 01:08:04,594 --> 01:08:05,927 Come hell or high water. 1657 01:08:05,929 --> 01:08:08,198 God damn it, that's the spirit! 1658 01:08:10,034 --> 01:08:12,099 Let's do this! 1659 01:08:12,101 --> 01:08:13,268 We're going in! 1660 01:08:13,270 --> 01:08:14,636 We're going in! 1661 01:08:14,638 --> 01:08:17,238 This is happening! 1662 01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:19,241 Thank you for driving all the way 1663 01:08:19,243 --> 01:08:20,775 out here with the new rental. 1664 01:08:20,777 --> 01:08:22,310 Appreciate it. 1665 01:08:22,312 --> 01:08:24,279 Okay, guys, I think these might be yours? 1666 01:08:24,281 --> 01:08:25,980 Yes, sir. Thank you. 1667 01:08:25,982 --> 01:08:27,449 All right. 1668 01:08:27,451 --> 01:08:29,051 That's gonna be one big fucking insurance mess. 1669 01:08:29,053 --> 01:08:31,219 But we got everything we need, 1670 01:08:31,221 --> 01:08:32,654 so you're free to go. 1671 01:08:32,656 --> 01:08:33,922 Thanks a lot, officers. 1672 01:08:33,924 --> 01:08:35,056 It's no problem. 1673 01:08:35,058 --> 01:08:37,193 Really appreciate it. 1674 01:08:37,195 --> 01:08:40,061 What now? How do we find Sparkly P? 1675 01:08:40,063 --> 01:08:41,530 - Leg work. - Yes. 1676 01:08:41,532 --> 01:08:44,535 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say "Sparkly P"? 1677 01:08:45,602 --> 01:08:46,702 Yeah. 1678 01:08:46,704 --> 01:08:48,637 - The police officer... - From the '70s? 1679 01:08:48,639 --> 01:08:49,704 Yeah. 1680 01:08:49,706 --> 01:08:50,805 You've heard of him? 1681 01:08:50,807 --> 01:08:52,140 Are you kidding me? 1682 01:08:52,142 --> 01:08:54,042 There's not a cop in the whole state who hasn't. 1683 01:08:54,044 --> 01:08:55,277 Yeah. 1684 01:08:55,279 --> 01:08:58,680 Patrick O'Callaghan aka Sparkly P. 1685 01:08:58,682 --> 01:09:01,117 Had one of the biggest coke busts in history. 1686 01:09:01,119 --> 01:09:02,318 We spent like two weeks 1687 01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,752 studying him back in the academy. 1688 01:09:03,754 --> 01:09:05,054 The guy's a legend. 1689 01:09:05,056 --> 01:09:07,989 Holy shit, Pete. We could be Irish. 1690 01:09:07,991 --> 01:09:09,292 Yes! 1691 01:09:09,294 --> 01:09:11,927 I'm Irish, too, on my sister's side. 1692 01:09:11,929 --> 01:09:13,565 You know where to find him? 1693 01:09:16,700 --> 01:09:20,168 So, I just talked to my buddy in the force 1694 01:09:20,170 --> 01:09:24,140 and apparently Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan 1695 01:09:24,142 --> 01:09:27,476 retired the NYPD back in '86. 1696 01:09:27,478 --> 01:09:30,112 This right here is his last known address. 1697 01:09:30,114 --> 01:09:31,313 If anyone comes asking, 1698 01:09:31,315 --> 01:09:33,116 I didn't tell you shit. 1699 01:09:33,118 --> 01:09:35,253 I'm trusting you with this. 1700 01:09:35,852 --> 01:09:38,153 Don't fuck me. 1701 01:09:38,155 --> 01:09:40,258 Not gonna fuck you. 1702 01:09:47,132 --> 01:09:48,333 What? 1703 01:09:50,834 --> 01:09:52,067 What? 1704 01:09:52,069 --> 01:09:54,002 - Guess where he lives? - Where? 1705 01:09:54,004 --> 01:09:55,805 You're not gonna believe this. 1706 01:09:55,807 --> 01:09:57,575 Worcester, Mass. 1707 01:09:58,610 --> 01:09:59,808 Worcester, Mass! 1708 01:09:59,810 --> 01:10:01,245 You've been leading us there the whole time! 1709 01:10:03,646 --> 01:10:07,149 It's the universe, Pete. The universe is magic! 1710 01:10:07,151 --> 01:10:09,016 I'm magic. I'm a magic man. 1711 01:10:09,018 --> 01:10:13,223 All right. Okay. I guess we're all going home. 1712 01:10:20,565 --> 01:10:21,732 Well, 1713 01:10:23,433 --> 01:10:26,002 thanks for letting me keep a little souvenir. 1714 01:10:26,004 --> 01:10:27,403 Sure. 1715 01:10:27,405 --> 01:10:30,206 This has been magnificent. Thank you, guys. 1716 01:10:30,208 --> 01:10:32,207 I appreciate your assistance. 1717 01:10:32,209 --> 01:10:34,279 Have a good night. 1718 01:10:35,178 --> 01:10:36,413 Hey! 1719 01:10:37,048 --> 01:10:38,180 Yeah? 1720 01:10:38,182 --> 01:10:39,916 We don't even know your name. 1721 01:10:39,918 --> 01:10:41,583 Oh, Kyle, 1722 01:10:41,585 --> 01:10:44,556 you've known it the whole time. 1723 01:10:46,190 --> 01:10:48,189 That's beautiful. 1724 01:10:48,191 --> 01:10:49,757 I think he's messing with us. 1725 01:10:49,759 --> 01:10:50,960 No, he's not. 1726 01:10:50,962 --> 01:10:52,927 - Yeah, yeah. - No. 1727 01:10:52,929 --> 01:10:54,499 He was messing with us. 1728 01:11:12,749 --> 01:11:14,015 Ding! 1729 01:11:14,017 --> 01:11:16,452 May we get a room? 1730 01:11:16,454 --> 01:11:19,521 Your cheapest room, please. 1731 01:11:19,523 --> 01:11:22,526 Well, every room in here is cheap, so... 1732 01:11:24,695 --> 01:11:25,860 Sorry? 1733 01:11:25,862 --> 01:11:27,831 Every room in here is really cheap. 1734 01:11:30,767 --> 01:11:32,736 Okay. Here you go. 1735 01:11:33,905 --> 01:11:35,770 We're gonna nab one from ya. 1736 01:11:35,772 --> 01:11:39,107 So, just the one room? 1737 01:11:39,109 --> 01:11:40,311 Mmm-hmm. 1738 01:11:41,078 --> 01:11:42,577 One night? 1739 01:11:42,579 --> 01:11:43,714 Yeah. 1740 01:11:44,147 --> 01:11:45,350 Two beds. 1741 01:11:47,651 --> 01:11:49,717 Oh. Um... 1742 01:11:49,719 --> 01:11:52,854 Can we still get food and drinks at the bar? 1743 01:11:52,856 --> 01:11:55,090 Right back there behind you. 1744 01:11:55,092 --> 01:11:57,391 Food for about another 1745 01:11:57,393 --> 01:12:00,697 10 minutes, and drinks till 2:00. 1746 01:12:01,665 --> 01:12:02,930 Till, sorry? 1747 01:12:02,932 --> 01:12:04,666 Till 2:00. 1748 01:12:04,668 --> 01:12:06,801 You're going to have to speak up, Biz Markie, 1749 01:12:06,803 --> 01:12:08,403 'cause I can't hear you. 1750 01:12:08,405 --> 01:12:09,871 For 10 more minutes, 1751 01:12:09,873 --> 01:12:11,442 and drinks until 2:00. 1752 01:12:16,614 --> 01:12:17,848 Okay. 1753 01:12:20,551 --> 01:12:23,284 Hey, do you remember 1754 01:12:23,286 --> 01:12:25,854 when Mom tried to teach us about sex? 1755 01:12:25,856 --> 01:12:28,090 Yeah. 1756 01:12:28,092 --> 01:12:29,424 You had already Papa John'd 1757 01:12:29,426 --> 01:12:31,894 half the girls at school at that point. 1758 01:12:31,896 --> 01:12:33,996 Turns out, we probably should have listened to her. 1759 01:12:33,998 --> 01:12:35,296 Amen. 1760 01:12:35,298 --> 01:12:37,433 It's like we passed up basketball tips 1761 01:12:37,435 --> 01:12:39,400 from Michael Jordan, as it turns out. 1762 01:12:39,402 --> 01:12:40,969 We really did. 1763 01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:46,311 I'm gonna hit the head. Excuse me. 1764 01:13:10,700 --> 01:13:13,001 Hi, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice 1765 01:13:13,003 --> 01:13:14,936 that you're 1766 01:13:14,938 --> 01:13:16,104 crying. 1767 01:13:16,106 --> 01:13:19,274 No. I'm fine. 1768 01:13:19,276 --> 01:13:20,743 I often have that effect on women. 1769 01:13:20,745 --> 01:13:23,011 Just not usually this fast. 1770 01:13:23,013 --> 01:13:24,345 Sorry. I'll leave you alone. 1771 01:13:24,347 --> 01:13:26,716 No. You know what, please don't. 1772 01:13:26,718 --> 01:13:28,315 Just sit. 1773 01:13:28,317 --> 01:13:29,520 Buy me a drink. 1774 01:13:32,088 --> 01:13:33,755 All right. 1775 01:13:33,757 --> 01:13:35,157 Another... 1776 01:13:35,159 --> 01:13:36,292 Scotch on the rocks. 1777 01:13:36,294 --> 01:13:37,560 Oh, nice. 1778 01:13:37,562 --> 01:13:39,497 - Make that two. - Right up. 1779 01:13:42,365 --> 01:13:43,967 Thank you. 1780 01:13:47,303 --> 01:13:48,505 So, 1781 01:13:49,472 --> 01:13:50,807 want to talk about it? 1782 01:13:52,610 --> 01:13:53,611 No. 1783 01:13:56,579 --> 01:13:58,315 No sob stories. 1784 01:14:00,884 --> 01:14:02,251 I like that rule. 1785 01:14:02,253 --> 01:14:04,318 Cheers. 1786 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,453 No sob stories. 1787 01:14:05,455 --> 01:14:06,723 All right. 1788 01:14:07,857 --> 01:14:09,958 Do you want to talk about 1789 01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:11,426 that? 1790 01:14:11,428 --> 01:14:12,864 - This? - Mmm-hmm. 1791 01:14:14,831 --> 01:14:16,467 Uh... Well... 1792 01:14:19,169 --> 01:14:20,969 I can't. 1793 01:14:20,971 --> 01:14:22,373 Why? 1794 01:14:23,673 --> 01:14:25,776 Because I'm a secret agent. 1795 01:14:27,209 --> 01:14:30,013 I don't think you were supposed to tell me that part. 1796 01:14:31,115 --> 01:14:32,413 Well... 1797 01:14:32,415 --> 01:14:35,150 Why don't you let me worry about 1798 01:14:35,152 --> 01:14:38,586 how secret agent-ing works, 1799 01:14:38,588 --> 01:14:40,055 seeing as how I am the secret agent. 1800 01:14:40,057 --> 01:14:41,523 You're right. 1801 01:14:41,525 --> 01:14:43,257 You should see the other guy. 1802 01:14:43,259 --> 01:14:44,493 Sorry to interrupt, Peter. 1803 01:14:44,495 --> 01:14:45,661 I just got an urgent call from the client. 1804 01:14:45,663 --> 01:14:46,828 I'm gonna have to go in. 1805 01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:49,096 Apparently old Gary Peterson 1806 01:14:49,098 --> 01:14:51,699 really shat the bed on the LBJ proposal. 1807 01:14:51,701 --> 01:14:53,702 Guy's just useless. 1808 01:14:53,704 --> 01:14:56,404 He's been screwing up since the beginning. 1809 01:14:56,406 --> 01:14:57,706 Anyway, I'm gonna go in the office, 1810 01:14:57,708 --> 01:14:58,939 I'm probably going to spend the night, 1811 01:14:58,941 --> 01:14:59,975 and I will see you tomorrow, okay? 1812 01:14:59,977 --> 01:15:01,109 Are you sure? 1813 01:15:01,111 --> 01:15:02,579 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 1814 01:15:04,114 --> 01:15:05,616 All right. 1815 01:15:07,183 --> 01:15:08,984 Was that the other guy? 1816 01:15:08,986 --> 01:15:10,586 He looks like shit. 1817 01:15:10,588 --> 01:15:12,720 That guy's actually my partner. 1818 01:15:12,722 --> 01:15:14,523 He's another secret agent. 1819 01:15:14,525 --> 01:15:16,692 See, you keep saying "secret," 1820 01:15:16,694 --> 01:15:19,293 but then you keep telling me about it. 1821 01:15:19,295 --> 01:15:22,064 I am failing at this job. 1822 01:15:22,066 --> 01:15:23,732 I will tell you this... 1823 01:15:23,734 --> 01:15:25,833 I'm also a secret agent. 1824 01:15:25,835 --> 01:15:27,301 No! 1825 01:15:27,303 --> 01:15:28,738 Sent here to kill you. 1826 01:15:28,740 --> 01:15:29,604 What? 1827 01:15:29,606 --> 01:15:32,006 That drink, it's poison. 1828 01:15:32,008 --> 01:15:33,442 Wait, what? 1829 01:15:33,444 --> 01:15:34,810 Sorry. 1830 01:15:34,812 --> 01:15:37,011 You surreptitiously poisoned me? 1831 01:15:37,013 --> 01:15:38,680 Surreptitiously. 1832 01:15:38,682 --> 01:15:42,520 You're so good. I had no idea this is poison. 1833 01:15:44,155 --> 01:15:47,523 Yeah! That's, like, almost all poison. 1834 01:15:47,525 --> 01:15:49,224 No, taste mine. You'll taste the difference. 1835 01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:50,795 - Little bit. - Yeah. 1836 01:15:51,829 --> 01:15:52,927 Mmm. 1837 01:15:52,929 --> 01:15:53,862 Poison. 1838 01:15:53,864 --> 01:15:55,064 There is a little difference, yeah. 1839 01:15:55,066 --> 01:15:56,431 - Yeah. - I do taste that. 1840 01:15:56,433 --> 01:16:00,836 So, I'm sorry to tell you, but two hours left to live. 1841 01:16:00,838 --> 01:16:04,273 Well, guess I'd better make these two hours count. 1842 01:16:04,275 --> 01:16:05,407 Yeah, you better. 1843 01:16:05,409 --> 01:16:06,975 Yeah. 1844 01:16:06,977 --> 01:16:08,710 My name is Sarah. 1845 01:16:08,712 --> 01:16:11,616 Code name Babydoll. 1846 01:16:12,615 --> 01:16:14,949 Well, Sarah, my name's Peter. 1847 01:16:14,951 --> 01:16:16,853 Code name... 1848 01:16:19,222 --> 01:16:21,288 Pinky Pants. 1849 01:16:21,290 --> 01:16:22,424 I've heard about you. 1850 01:16:22,426 --> 01:16:24,059 Yeah, I'm legendary. 1851 01:16:24,061 --> 01:16:25,594 Well, 1852 01:16:25,596 --> 01:16:27,831 here's to your last two hours. 1853 01:16:34,237 --> 01:16:37,704 Hi. Hey! Can you see me? 1854 01:16:37,706 --> 01:16:40,042 - Aloha. - Aloha. 1855 01:16:40,044 --> 01:16:42,176 Are you ready for naked Facetime? 1856 01:16:42,178 --> 01:16:43,244 Yeah. 1857 01:16:43,246 --> 01:16:44,613 I'm wearing your favorite bra. 1858 01:16:44,615 --> 01:16:45,948 Oh, my gosh. 1859 01:16:45,950 --> 01:16:48,449 Wait, why aren't you naked? 1860 01:16:48,451 --> 01:16:50,952 - Um... - Where are you? 1861 01:16:50,954 --> 01:16:52,953 I'm actually in the car. I'm just kind of settling in. 1862 01:16:52,955 --> 01:16:55,256 I'm trying to give Pete a little privacy 1863 01:16:55,258 --> 01:16:56,658 because he met a girl. 1864 01:16:56,660 --> 01:16:57,862 Oh. 1865 01:16:59,996 --> 01:17:00,998 Hey. 1866 01:17:02,531 --> 01:17:04,600 Got some room service out here. 1867 01:17:04,602 --> 01:17:05,900 Yeah, bet you don't deliver 1868 01:17:05,902 --> 01:17:07,435 out to the parking lot too much, 1869 01:17:07,437 --> 01:17:10,238 but I'm just trying to give my brother some privacy. 1870 01:17:10,240 --> 01:17:13,375 Here, wave to Kaylani. That's the room service guy. 1871 01:17:13,377 --> 01:17:14,643 Hi, room service dude. 1872 01:17:14,645 --> 01:17:15,879 Okay. Thank you. 1873 01:17:17,114 --> 01:17:18,846 Okay. 1874 01:17:18,848 --> 01:17:21,015 I might get some breakfast later. 1875 01:17:21,017 --> 01:17:22,520 No problem. 1876 01:17:24,855 --> 01:17:26,491 How's your trip been? 1877 01:17:31,661 --> 01:17:33,095 Hey, honey, 1878 01:17:33,097 --> 01:17:34,662 there's something I need to tell you. 1879 01:17:34,664 --> 01:17:36,030 Is everything okay? 1880 01:17:36,032 --> 01:17:38,233 No, everything's going great with the trip. 1881 01:17:39,402 --> 01:17:41,071 It's kind of a recent setback. 1882 01:17:42,572 --> 01:17:44,038 What's up? 1883 01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:47,110 I think it's gonna be good, actually. 1884 01:17:57,420 --> 01:17:58,519 There's so many buttons. 1885 01:17:58,521 --> 01:17:59,586 - Here... - Help. 1886 01:17:59,588 --> 01:18:00,988 I'll help and go from the bottom. 1887 01:18:00,990 --> 01:18:02,690 - Here we go. - Help. 1888 01:18:02,692 --> 01:18:05,029 Oh, God. That's really slowing me down. 1889 01:18:14,405 --> 01:18:16,637 Oh, my God. You have buttons. 1890 01:18:16,639 --> 01:18:19,507 Listen, there's something you should know. 1891 01:18:19,509 --> 01:18:21,510 What? 1892 01:18:21,512 --> 01:18:23,077 I don't manscape. 1893 01:18:23,079 --> 01:18:25,180 Well, what are we working with? 1894 01:18:25,182 --> 01:18:27,015 Well, here you go. 1895 01:18:27,017 --> 01:18:28,152 Oh, no. 1896 01:18:30,521 --> 01:18:32,354 It is what it is. 1897 01:18:32,356 --> 01:18:33,657 Works for me. 1898 01:18:50,206 --> 01:18:51,642 Ahoy! 1899 01:18:58,714 --> 01:19:00,114 Good morning. 1900 01:19:00,116 --> 01:19:01,483 Good morning. 1901 01:19:01,485 --> 01:19:03,251 Yes. Yes. 1902 01:19:03,253 --> 01:19:06,057 Any news to report? 1903 01:19:06,656 --> 01:19:07,857 Um... 1904 01:19:12,395 --> 01:19:14,496 You are incorrigible. 1905 01:19:14,498 --> 01:19:15,997 Where is she? 1906 01:19:15,999 --> 01:19:19,000 I don't know actually. I woke up and she was gone. 1907 01:19:19,002 --> 01:19:22,871 You experienced a pure one-night stand. 1908 01:19:22,873 --> 01:19:24,204 Do you know how rare that is? 1909 01:19:24,206 --> 01:19:25,707 You were visited by an angel last night. 1910 01:19:25,709 --> 01:19:27,076 Plain and simple. 1911 01:19:27,078 --> 01:19:30,114 Well, she did, she did leave a note. 1912 01:19:31,949 --> 01:19:35,652 "Thanks for a really fun night. I needed it." 1913 01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:38,854 "I needed it!" 1914 01:19:38,856 --> 01:19:41,325 Guess who gave it to her? This guy! 1915 01:19:43,861 --> 01:19:46,694 I just like seeing you giddy. 1916 01:19:46,696 --> 01:19:48,596 You're just gleeful. 1917 01:19:48,598 --> 01:19:51,466 This is the Pete I've been trying to get. 1918 01:19:51,468 --> 01:19:52,734 Come on, Worcester! 1919 01:19:52,736 --> 01:19:54,138 Come on. 1920 01:19:57,607 --> 01:19:59,207 Okay. 1921 01:19:59,209 --> 01:20:00,574 You have arrived at your destination. 1922 01:20:00,576 --> 01:20:02,112 This is it. 1923 01:20:05,414 --> 01:20:07,916 Sparkly P likes to party. 1924 01:20:15,392 --> 01:20:17,128 Breathe. 1925 01:20:18,896 --> 01:20:20,894 What is going on? 1926 01:20:20,896 --> 01:20:22,396 Dad gets Clemens to come 1927 01:20:22,398 --> 01:20:24,733 and pitch batting practice for us at the park. 1928 01:20:24,735 --> 01:20:26,033 Fucker beaned me, 1929 01:20:26,035 --> 01:20:27,935 like, twice but still greatest day of my life. 1930 01:20:27,937 --> 01:20:29,637 Hey, fellas. Welcome. 1931 01:20:29,639 --> 01:20:30,771 Thank you. 1932 01:20:30,773 --> 01:20:32,439 There's beer, liquor. 1933 01:20:32,441 --> 01:20:34,042 There's food in the back. 1934 01:20:34,044 --> 01:20:35,443 Make yourselves at home. 1935 01:20:36,847 --> 01:20:40,448 Hey, I am so fuckin' happy you're my brother. 1936 01:20:40,450 --> 01:20:42,117 I love you so much. 1937 01:20:42,119 --> 01:20:44,286 I love you too, bro. You know. 1938 01:20:44,288 --> 01:20:48,122 Okay. Sorry to interrupt. Do you know if Paddy's here? 1939 01:20:48,124 --> 01:20:50,558 Oh, yeah. Dad's inside. 1940 01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:54,798 Come on. He's in the study. I'll take you over. Come on. 1941 01:20:57,668 --> 01:20:59,837 Oh, Dad's over there, guys. 1942 01:21:13,984 --> 01:21:16,217 So, how do you guys know my dad? 1943 01:21:16,219 --> 01:21:18,720 Liam, Sean needs your help changing the keg. 1944 01:21:18,722 --> 01:21:20,488 Oh, for fuck's sakes. 1945 01:21:20,490 --> 01:21:23,091 Sorry, fellas, my brother's a moron. 1946 01:21:23,093 --> 01:21:24,458 Hey. Watch your mouth. 1947 01:21:24,460 --> 01:21:26,161 That's my boyfriend you're talking about. 1948 01:21:26,163 --> 01:21:27,729 My fuckin' 10-year-old cousin can change a keg. 1949 01:21:27,731 --> 01:21:29,032 Are you kidding me? 1950 01:21:34,170 --> 01:21:35,905 Oh, man. 1951 01:21:37,139 --> 01:21:40,108 I'm sorry we're too late. 1952 01:21:40,110 --> 01:21:42,346 I would have really loved to get to know you. 1953 01:21:43,946 --> 01:21:46,613 He seems like a good man. 1954 01:21:46,615 --> 01:21:49,786 Raised a good family. 1955 01:21:52,522 --> 01:21:54,758 Did he just die? 1956 01:21:56,293 --> 01:21:58,292 Presumably, yeah. 1957 01:21:58,294 --> 01:22:01,662 Do you think he died in the line of duty? 1958 01:22:01,664 --> 01:22:04,399 Paddy O'Callaghan 1959 01:22:04,401 --> 01:22:07,435 was many things to many people. 1960 01:22:07,437 --> 01:22:10,404 There was no role he treasured more 1961 01:22:10,406 --> 01:22:12,274 than being a father. 1962 01:22:12,276 --> 01:22:13,808 And I know there's no one 1963 01:22:13,810 --> 01:22:15,877 he would rather hear from right now 1964 01:22:15,879 --> 01:22:18,713 than his dear sweet daughter. 1965 01:22:18,715 --> 01:22:21,350 Are you okay to talk, hon? 1966 01:22:21,352 --> 01:22:22,787 Thank you, Father. 1967 01:22:26,656 --> 01:22:28,088 My father and I 1968 01:22:28,090 --> 01:22:30,324 didn't always get along. 1969 01:22:30,326 --> 01:22:33,193 He was a cop who saw the worst in people. 1970 01:22:33,195 --> 01:22:36,096 That's the girl from last night. 1971 01:22:36,098 --> 01:22:37,498 He practically arrested this... 1972 01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:38,569 No. 1973 01:22:39,969 --> 01:22:41,301 That's Babydoll. 1974 01:22:41,303 --> 01:22:42,470 I saw... 1975 01:22:42,472 --> 01:22:44,305 Oh, my God. 1976 01:22:44,307 --> 01:22:46,975 We've all slept with the wrong woman. 1977 01:22:46,977 --> 01:22:48,542 Yeah, but it's our sister. 1978 01:22:48,544 --> 01:22:52,380 No, I know. But I've slept with some squirrelly women. 1979 01:22:52,382 --> 01:22:54,181 Super squirrelly. 1980 01:22:54,183 --> 01:22:56,484 It doesn't matter how squirrelly they are, 1981 01:22:56,486 --> 01:22:57,920 they're not our sister. 1982 01:22:57,922 --> 01:23:00,121 No, listen to me. It didn't happen, okay? 1983 01:23:00,123 --> 01:23:02,056 It didn't happen. Just erase it. 1984 01:23:02,058 --> 01:23:04,326 It didn't happen! 1985 01:23:04,328 --> 01:23:07,362 Is that why it was so good? 1986 01:23:07,364 --> 01:23:09,331 I'm a monster. 1987 01:23:09,333 --> 01:23:11,300 I love you, Pop. 1988 01:23:11,302 --> 01:23:14,002 I'm gonna miss you so much. 1989 01:23:14,004 --> 01:23:15,603 - We have to go. - No! 1990 01:23:15,605 --> 01:23:17,773 Stop. Peter. Peter, stop. 1991 01:23:17,775 --> 01:23:18,974 Peter! 1992 01:23:18,976 --> 01:23:20,041 Peter! 1993 01:23:20,043 --> 01:23:21,143 The fuck! 1994 01:23:21,145 --> 01:23:22,976 What the fuck! Sean! 1995 01:23:22,978 --> 01:23:25,281 It wasn't fucking me. 1996 01:23:26,383 --> 01:23:27,415 Did he get you? 1997 01:23:27,417 --> 01:23:29,649 Don't touch! Oh, my... Get your... 1998 01:23:29,651 --> 01:23:31,051 Hey, douchebag! 1999 01:23:31,053 --> 01:23:33,787 - Where's the apology? - Whoa. Hey. I'm sorry. 2000 01:23:33,789 --> 01:23:35,857 - Where's the apology? - Jesus! 2001 01:23:35,859 --> 01:23:37,792 What were you talkin' about? 2002 01:23:37,794 --> 01:23:38,926 Just let us go. 2003 01:23:38,928 --> 01:23:40,194 Why are you not apologizing? 2004 01:23:40,196 --> 01:23:42,663 Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it. 2005 01:23:42,665 --> 01:23:43,898 Contact, bro? 2006 01:23:43,900 --> 01:23:45,832 Contact in O'Callaghan's yard? 2007 01:23:45,834 --> 01:23:47,034 Okay, just stop! Hold it! 2008 01:23:47,036 --> 01:23:48,168 In my yard? 2009 01:23:48,170 --> 01:23:49,537 Hey! We just want an apology! 2010 01:23:49,539 --> 01:23:51,305 Come on, just say you're sorry. 2011 01:23:51,307 --> 01:23:53,007 - I'd really rather not. - Peter, come on! 2012 01:23:53,009 --> 01:23:54,442 Summer's over, you ready for the fall? 2013 01:23:54,444 --> 01:23:55,877 Don't be prideful. Come on, just... 2014 01:23:55,879 --> 01:23:57,511 I'm not being prideful. 2015 01:23:57,513 --> 01:23:59,881 It's hard to apologize when I just got shoved off a porch. 2016 01:23:59,883 --> 01:24:01,415 Charged up! 2017 01:24:01,417 --> 01:24:03,518 I saw you spill the drink on the girl. She's soaked. 2018 01:24:03,520 --> 01:24:05,052 That's true, and I am sorry about that. 2019 01:24:05,054 --> 01:24:06,988 Okay, but don't tell me, tell them! Just say it. 2020 01:24:06,990 --> 01:24:08,488 - Fine! - Fuck you guys! 2021 01:24:08,490 --> 01:24:09,560 I'm sorry! 2022 01:24:11,962 --> 01:24:13,360 To who? 2023 01:24:13,362 --> 01:24:15,997 To the douchebag's girlfriend. 2024 01:24:18,468 --> 01:24:20,104 Close enough. 2025 01:24:22,204 --> 01:24:24,005 - It's too late. - What? 2026 01:24:24,007 --> 01:24:26,507 Look, you can't move the goalpost. 2027 01:24:26,509 --> 01:24:27,574 They moved. 2028 01:24:27,576 --> 01:24:28,743 He just apologized. 2029 01:24:28,745 --> 01:24:30,511 That's more than I've ever gotten from him. 2030 01:24:30,513 --> 01:24:33,014 Come on, you're lucky we're not demanding an apology! 2031 01:24:33,016 --> 01:24:34,215 He wants an apology. 2032 01:24:34,217 --> 01:24:36,216 Here's an apology, bro. 2033 01:24:36,218 --> 01:24:38,588 - That's an O'Callaghan sorry. - Whoa! 2034 01:24:43,692 --> 01:24:45,326 I got his ankle, Pete! 2035 01:24:45,328 --> 01:24:46,696 I got him in a foot lock. 2036 01:24:49,700 --> 01:24:51,065 I'm gonna sprain his ankle. 2037 01:24:51,067 --> 01:24:53,134 Hey, hey! What are you boys doing? Get up! 2038 01:24:53,136 --> 01:24:55,673 What the hell's going on, boys? Huh? 2039 01:24:56,906 --> 01:24:58,107 Whoa! 2040 01:24:58,741 --> 01:25:00,408 Paddy! 2041 01:25:00,410 --> 01:25:01,475 He's alive! 2042 01:25:01,477 --> 01:25:03,144 It's not Paddy, you idiot. 2043 01:25:03,146 --> 01:25:04,345 That's our Uncle Kevin. 2044 01:25:04,347 --> 01:25:05,947 He's Paddy's twin brother. 2045 01:25:05,949 --> 01:25:08,114 My brother's lying dead in there. 2046 01:25:08,116 --> 01:25:09,551 Show a little respect. 2047 01:25:09,553 --> 01:25:10,955 - For Christ's sake. - Peter? 2048 01:25:11,655 --> 01:25:12,921 Hey. 2049 01:25:12,923 --> 01:25:14,988 What are you doing here? 2050 01:25:14,990 --> 01:25:16,957 Wait a minute, you know this d-bag? 2051 01:25:16,959 --> 01:25:18,359 Yeah. 2052 01:25:18,361 --> 01:25:19,726 Wait, is this the guy from last night? 2053 01:25:19,728 --> 01:25:21,061 What guy from last night? 2054 01:25:21,063 --> 01:25:22,195 Is he why you didn't come home? 2055 01:25:22,197 --> 01:25:23,864 Did you fuck our sister? 2056 01:25:23,866 --> 01:25:25,667 - Oh, God. - Language. 2057 01:25:25,669 --> 01:25:27,568 Did you eff our sister? 2058 01:25:27,570 --> 01:25:28,636 That's better. 2059 01:25:28,638 --> 01:25:31,271 Stop it, you guys. I'm a grown woman! 2060 01:25:31,273 --> 01:25:32,707 Easy. She's right, boys. Easy. 2061 01:25:32,709 --> 01:25:34,676 Come on. We're acting like animals. 2062 01:25:34,678 --> 01:25:36,845 I'm pretty sure that your sister's had sex before, 2063 01:25:36,847 --> 01:25:39,713 and I can tell you that Peter is a considerate lover. 2064 01:25:39,715 --> 01:25:41,248 - Oh, God! - I'll vouch for that. 2065 01:25:41,250 --> 01:25:43,317 You come to my home. 2066 01:25:43,319 --> 01:25:47,156 To my father's wake the day after fucking my sister? 2067 01:25:48,157 --> 01:25:49,823 I'm going to break your dick. 2068 01:25:49,825 --> 01:25:51,859 Liam, hold off. 2069 01:25:51,861 --> 01:25:54,229 I know I was saying relax a couple of seconds ago. 2070 01:25:54,231 --> 01:25:55,863 But if someone came over to my house 2071 01:25:55,865 --> 01:25:57,230 and effed my grieving sister, 2072 01:25:57,232 --> 01:25:59,100 I'm pretty sure that I'd want to 2073 01:25:59,102 --> 01:26:00,600 just rip him limb to limb, okay? 2074 01:26:00,602 --> 01:26:02,703 I'd want to just mutilate his ass. 2075 01:26:02,705 --> 01:26:03,838 What? 2076 01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:05,139 Deservedly. 2077 01:26:05,141 --> 01:26:06,440 But guess what? 2078 01:26:06,442 --> 01:26:07,574 What? 2079 01:26:07,576 --> 01:26:10,612 Someone did just eff my grieving sister. 2080 01:26:10,614 --> 01:26:12,180 - Yeah. - What? 2081 01:26:12,182 --> 01:26:13,881 Peter, do the honors. Chime in. 2082 01:26:13,883 --> 01:26:15,082 - No! - Chime in. 2083 01:26:15,084 --> 01:26:17,452 I don't think we should do the honors. 2084 01:26:17,454 --> 01:26:21,725 Liam, Sean, darling Sarah... 2085 01:26:23,093 --> 01:26:25,993 Paddy's our father. You're our brothers. 2086 01:26:25,995 --> 01:26:27,496 You're our sister. 2087 01:26:27,498 --> 01:26:28,563 What? 2088 01:26:28,565 --> 01:26:30,264 What the fuck are you talking about? 2089 01:26:30,266 --> 01:26:32,332 What the hell is going on? 2090 01:26:32,334 --> 01:26:34,235 Our mom's name is Helen Baxter. 2091 01:26:34,237 --> 01:26:36,106 Did Paddy ever mention her? 2092 01:26:37,406 --> 01:26:39,543 - You're Helen's boys? - Yes! 2093 01:26:40,075 --> 01:26:41,274 The twins? 2094 01:26:43,246 --> 01:26:45,148 You don't pick your family. 2095 01:26:45,848 --> 01:26:47,081 Oh, God! 2096 01:26:47,083 --> 01:26:48,149 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 2097 01:26:48,151 --> 01:26:49,216 I'm going to fucking kill you! 2098 01:26:49,218 --> 01:26:50,283 Seanie! Seanie! 2099 01:26:50,285 --> 01:26:52,720 Stop it! You two stay right here. 2100 01:26:52,722 --> 01:26:54,088 What is happening? 2101 01:26:54,090 --> 01:26:56,024 All right, everybody whose last name isn't O'Callaghan, 2102 01:26:56,026 --> 01:26:57,358 get in the house. 2103 01:26:57,360 --> 01:26:59,429 - Oh, God. - Come on, move. 2104 01:27:00,562 --> 01:27:01,764 Oh, God! 2105 01:27:02,598 --> 01:27:04,767 Oh, fuck! 2106 01:27:07,036 --> 01:27:09,037 All right, settle in. 2107 01:27:09,039 --> 01:27:10,538 I'll try to clear this up for you. 2108 01:27:10,540 --> 01:27:11,471 Good. 2109 01:27:11,473 --> 01:27:13,507 Paddy could not be their father. 2110 01:27:13,509 --> 01:27:15,342 How do you know that, Kevin? 2111 01:27:15,344 --> 01:27:17,445 Because Paddy and their mother never had sex. 2112 01:27:17,447 --> 01:27:19,213 What? 2113 01:27:19,215 --> 01:27:21,382 I mean, you can't know that for sure. 2114 01:27:21,384 --> 01:27:23,685 Paddy thought he was gonna marry your mother. 2115 01:27:23,687 --> 01:27:25,720 And despite the sexual climate, 2116 01:27:25,722 --> 01:27:28,823 for him, that meant saving it for their wedding night. 2117 01:27:28,825 --> 01:27:30,690 Yeah, like Sarah's saving her muff. 2118 01:27:30,692 --> 01:27:33,027 Shut the fuck up, Liam. You're no angel. 2119 01:27:33,029 --> 01:27:34,394 Shut up, you two. 2120 01:27:34,396 --> 01:27:37,665 My brother Paddy took this very seriously. 2121 01:27:37,667 --> 01:27:40,103 If you don't believe me, ask your mother. 2122 01:27:40,837 --> 01:27:41,969 Not now, 2123 01:27:41,971 --> 01:27:43,171 you moron! 2124 01:27:43,173 --> 01:27:44,605 You said go ask Ma. 2125 01:27:44,607 --> 01:27:45,473 Sit down. 2126 01:27:45,475 --> 01:27:47,410 Jesus Christ! Sit down. 2127 01:27:47,977 --> 01:27:49,976 So what happened? 2128 01:27:49,978 --> 01:27:51,246 Well, what happened was, 2129 01:27:51,248 --> 01:27:53,247 a guy by the name of Walter Tinkler. 2130 01:27:53,249 --> 01:27:55,515 A veterinarian student from down in New York. 2131 01:27:55,517 --> 01:27:57,318 Dr. Tinkler? We know him! 2132 01:27:57,320 --> 01:27:59,287 The guy who killed Chairman Meow. 2133 01:27:59,289 --> 01:28:00,954 He didn't kill Chairman Meow. 2134 01:28:00,956 --> 01:28:04,324 Well, was Chairman Meow alive when we dropped him off? 2135 01:28:04,326 --> 01:28:06,260 Was he dead when we picked him up? 2136 01:28:06,262 --> 01:28:07,996 In my book, that's murder. 2137 01:28:07,998 --> 01:28:09,433 Hey. Hey. 2138 01:28:10,266 --> 01:28:12,266 It was just a fuckin' cat. 2139 01:28:12,268 --> 01:28:16,637 We both loved Chairman Meow. 2140 01:28:16,639 --> 01:28:20,640 I can't believe Tinkler's been in our lives this whole time. 2141 01:28:20,642 --> 01:28:22,842 You see, this Tinkler guy and your mother 2142 01:28:22,844 --> 01:28:25,179 had this on-again off-again relationship 2143 01:28:25,181 --> 01:28:27,014 apparently since high school. 2144 01:28:27,016 --> 01:28:28,482 Paddy was always worried 2145 01:28:28,484 --> 01:28:30,818 that she'd wind up going back to him. 2146 01:28:30,820 --> 01:28:33,653 Ultimately, she did. 2147 01:28:33,655 --> 01:28:35,555 But she did tell my brother she'd always have 2148 01:28:35,557 --> 01:28:37,792 a warm spot in the heart for him. 2149 01:28:37,794 --> 01:28:39,560 She let him down soft. 2150 01:28:39,562 --> 01:28:42,663 But this Tinkler guy was the love of her life, 2151 01:28:42,665 --> 01:28:44,666 and that she was going to marry him. 2152 01:28:44,668 --> 01:28:47,135 Mom got married? 2153 01:28:47,137 --> 01:28:48,335 To Tinkler? 2154 01:28:48,337 --> 01:28:49,836 Last I heard, 2155 01:28:49,838 --> 01:28:52,607 she had twins and moved back to Ohio to raise 'em. 2156 01:28:52,609 --> 01:28:53,841 What? 2157 01:28:53,843 --> 01:28:56,310 So, if their mom hadn't broken our dad's heart, 2158 01:28:56,312 --> 01:28:58,348 then the three of us 2159 01:28:58,981 --> 01:29:00,448 never been born? 2160 01:29:00,450 --> 01:29:02,686 That's one way of looking at it. 2161 01:29:03,319 --> 01:29:05,222 Sorry, fellas, 2162 01:29:05,821 --> 01:29:07,257 you made me. 2163 01:29:08,892 --> 01:29:10,327 You gave me life. 2164 01:29:12,594 --> 01:29:15,831 That's not good logic. 2165 01:29:17,267 --> 01:29:21,234 That's all I got. I'm stuck with this. 2166 01:29:21,236 --> 01:29:22,569 Enjoy your fuckin' life. 2167 01:29:22,571 --> 01:29:24,407 Thanks, Uncle Kevin. 2168 01:29:26,877 --> 01:29:28,443 And you two 2169 01:29:28,445 --> 01:29:31,112 are off the hook. Officially. 2170 01:29:31,114 --> 01:29:32,445 Yeah. 2171 01:29:32,447 --> 01:29:33,848 You were sweatin' it there for a second. 2172 01:29:33,850 --> 01:29:35,382 - Yeah. - I was, too. I know I said 2173 01:29:35,384 --> 01:29:37,118 it wasn't a big deal effing your sister. 2174 01:29:37,120 --> 01:29:38,452 It's a big deal. 2175 01:29:38,454 --> 01:29:40,654 - It's a big deal. - It's criminal. 2176 01:29:40,656 --> 01:29:42,359 Oh, my God. 2177 01:29:43,159 --> 01:29:44,492 Oh, my God! 2178 01:29:44,494 --> 01:29:46,797 Looks like we're going home. 2179 01:30:06,915 --> 01:30:08,317 What was that? 2180 01:30:09,584 --> 01:30:12,119 You honked. 2181 01:30:12,121 --> 01:30:13,522 You asshole. 2182 01:30:26,069 --> 01:30:28,272 - Hello! - Hello! 2183 01:30:29,204 --> 01:30:30,773 I just did... 2184 01:30:31,340 --> 01:30:32,540 Hello? 2185 01:30:32,542 --> 01:30:34,308 Yup. Heard you the first time. 2186 01:30:34,310 --> 01:30:35,877 Sorry. 2187 01:30:35,879 --> 01:30:36,877 How can I help you? 2188 01:30:36,879 --> 01:30:38,813 We really need to see Dr. Tinkler. 2189 01:30:38,815 --> 01:30:40,881 - Kind of a family emergency. - Yeah. 2190 01:30:40,883 --> 01:30:42,315 Well, I'm sorry. He's with a patient 2191 01:30:42,317 --> 01:30:44,219 and doesn't want to be disturbed. 2192 01:30:44,221 --> 01:30:45,385 Well, I'm sorry. We didn't want to 2193 01:30:45,387 --> 01:30:46,787 grow up without a father. 2194 01:30:46,789 --> 01:30:47,688 Yeah. 2195 01:30:47,690 --> 01:30:48,989 Could you please disturb him? 2196 01:30:48,991 --> 01:30:51,958 Okay, I can't really speak to your experience. 2197 01:30:51,960 --> 01:30:54,362 Although, I did get kicked out of a threesome in college 2198 01:30:54,364 --> 01:30:55,697 and that was very traumatic. 2199 01:30:55,699 --> 01:30:57,666 - No. - Yeah. 2200 01:30:57,668 --> 01:30:59,600 - They just kicked you out? - Yes. 2201 01:30:59,602 --> 01:31:00,902 They went like this... 2202 01:31:02,371 --> 01:31:04,171 In flagrante and then you're gone? 2203 01:31:04,173 --> 01:31:05,239 They said I was underperforming. 2204 01:31:05,241 --> 01:31:06,440 I thought I was doing great. 2205 01:31:06,442 --> 01:31:08,442 Can we just stay focused here? 2206 01:31:08,444 --> 01:31:09,810 This is super important. 2207 01:31:09,812 --> 01:31:13,079 We have to see the doctor stat, 2208 01:31:13,081 --> 01:31:14,381 which is a medical term. 2209 01:31:14,383 --> 01:31:16,484 Okay, he has an opening... 2210 01:31:16,486 --> 01:31:17,618 Ooh! Thursday. 2211 01:31:17,620 --> 01:31:19,119 I'll pencil you in. 2212 01:31:19,121 --> 01:31:20,554 - No! - Now! 2213 01:31:20,556 --> 01:31:22,790 - Pencil us in now! - Right now! This is urgent. 2214 01:31:22,792 --> 01:31:23,858 Please! 2215 01:31:23,860 --> 01:31:25,827 Ali, could you bring me Butterball's 2216 01:31:25,829 --> 01:31:27,796 immunization records, please? 2217 01:31:27,798 --> 01:31:28,863 Hello. 2218 01:31:34,303 --> 01:31:35,705 Peter. 2219 01:31:37,406 --> 01:31:38,842 Kyle. 2220 01:31:39,909 --> 01:31:41,078 Walter. 2221 01:31:41,977 --> 01:31:43,346 Dad. 2222 01:31:46,715 --> 01:31:48,515 - What the... Come on. - Get him. 2223 01:31:48,517 --> 01:31:50,551 You gotta get down here right away. They're here. 2224 01:31:50,553 --> 01:31:52,586 Walter, what are you doing? We're your sons. 2225 01:31:52,588 --> 01:31:54,087 Well, you gotta get down here. 2226 01:31:54,089 --> 01:31:55,323 Walter is your father? 2227 01:31:55,325 --> 01:31:57,056 You said you never wanted children! 2228 01:31:57,058 --> 01:31:59,394 I didn't. I don't. Ali, it's complicated. 2229 01:31:59,396 --> 01:32:00,927 You know what's complicated? 2230 01:32:00,929 --> 01:32:02,162 Dating a man who went to high school with my mother. 2231 01:32:02,164 --> 01:32:03,530 You should just open the door. 2232 01:32:03,532 --> 01:32:05,099 Second door, sucker. 2233 01:32:05,101 --> 01:32:06,399 Pete, I'm in. 2234 01:32:06,401 --> 01:32:07,568 Now you're gonna talk. 2235 01:32:07,570 --> 01:32:09,369 Kyle, please. Guys, calm down. 2236 01:32:09,371 --> 01:32:10,671 Your mother, I think, 2237 01:32:10,673 --> 01:32:12,140 really should have this conversation. 2238 01:32:12,142 --> 01:32:14,908 Well, that hasn't worked for the last 40 years. 2239 01:32:14,910 --> 01:32:17,344 Look. We're not trying to shake you down, 2240 01:32:17,346 --> 01:32:18,815 Dad, we just wanna... 2241 01:32:21,683 --> 01:32:23,551 You sick son of a bitch. 2242 01:32:23,553 --> 01:32:25,786 Is this how you butchered Chairman Meow? 2243 01:32:25,788 --> 01:32:27,587 Nobody butchered Chairman Meow. 2244 01:32:27,589 --> 01:32:29,457 It's called putting him down. 2245 01:32:29,459 --> 01:32:31,059 It's called death. 2246 01:32:31,061 --> 01:32:32,993 Death. Yes. 2247 01:32:32,995 --> 01:32:35,529 It comes to us all. Even the kitties. 2248 01:32:35,531 --> 01:32:37,230 Enough, all right. 2249 01:32:37,232 --> 01:32:41,301 We know you're our father. Why can't you just say it? 2250 01:32:41,303 --> 01:32:43,103 We just want some answers. 2251 01:32:43,105 --> 01:32:44,305 Ooh. Looky here. 2252 01:32:44,307 --> 01:32:45,573 Is this what you do? 2253 01:32:45,575 --> 01:32:47,507 You just shoot the cats in the head? 2254 01:32:47,509 --> 01:32:50,444 It's a tranquilizer gun. Every vet has one. 2255 01:32:50,446 --> 01:32:51,712 Not on my watch. 2256 01:32:51,714 --> 01:32:52,980 You're not going to put him down. 2257 01:32:52,982 --> 01:32:55,116 - This has to stop. - We're just snipping him. 2258 01:32:55,118 --> 01:32:56,686 This cat lives... 2259 01:32:59,355 --> 01:33:00,653 Pete, you gotta see this. 2260 01:33:00,655 --> 01:33:02,357 Kyle, stay focused. 2261 01:33:02,359 --> 01:33:04,127 Oh, my God. Those are huge. 2262 01:33:05,093 --> 01:33:07,094 Those are big balls. 2263 01:33:07,096 --> 01:33:08,128 Unnerving. 2264 01:33:08,130 --> 01:33:09,829 Gotta tip your hat to the little guy. 2265 01:33:09,831 --> 01:33:11,632 You're a doctor, is that normal? 2266 01:33:11,634 --> 01:33:15,034 No. Yeah. But for a gorilla. 2267 01:33:15,036 --> 01:33:17,570 That's beautiful. Well done. 2268 01:33:17,572 --> 01:33:19,305 Wow! That's... 2269 01:33:19,307 --> 01:33:20,509 He's gone! 2270 01:33:21,477 --> 01:33:22,913 We got a runner! 2271 01:33:23,980 --> 01:33:25,613 Run, Walter, run! 2272 01:33:25,615 --> 01:33:28,482 Where are you going? We know where you live. 2273 01:33:30,786 --> 01:33:33,119 Whoa! You shot Dad. 2274 01:33:33,121 --> 01:33:35,459 Because this ends now. 2275 01:33:40,663 --> 01:33:42,697 Walter! 2276 01:33:42,699 --> 01:33:44,265 Is he all right? Pete, you're a doctor, look. 2277 01:33:44,267 --> 01:33:46,367 - I know. I think he's okay. - Sweetheart, come through. 2278 01:33:46,369 --> 01:33:47,701 Give him some water. 2279 01:33:47,703 --> 01:33:48,868 Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Right? 2280 01:33:48,870 --> 01:33:50,337 Give me your eyes. It's me, Kyle. 2281 01:33:50,339 --> 01:33:51,738 Why did you run? 2282 01:33:51,740 --> 01:33:53,341 You see how it feels? It doesn't feel good. 2283 01:33:53,343 --> 01:33:54,609 Hey, come on. 2284 01:33:54,611 --> 01:33:56,476 What the fuck did you do to Walter? 2285 01:33:56,478 --> 01:33:57,677 Mom, what are you doing here? 2286 01:33:57,679 --> 01:33:59,581 Yeah, what are you doing here? 2287 01:33:59,583 --> 01:34:01,280 You just called me! Are you kidding? 2288 01:34:01,282 --> 01:34:02,916 I'm sorry. I got shot 2289 01:34:02,918 --> 01:34:06,354 by a tranquilizer dart and I'm a little woozy. 2290 01:34:06,356 --> 01:34:08,021 It was a whole... 2291 01:34:08,023 --> 01:34:10,257 We shot him because he was trying to escape. 2292 01:34:10,259 --> 01:34:11,626 What the hell, Mom? 2293 01:34:11,628 --> 01:34:13,627 I mean, our Dad was here the whole time, 2294 01:34:13,629 --> 01:34:15,429 you sent us on this wild-goose chase. 2295 01:34:15,431 --> 01:34:16,896 Okay. This family has issues. 2296 01:34:16,898 --> 01:34:18,733 I didn't think you'd go, okay? 2297 01:34:18,735 --> 01:34:20,868 Although, I thought it might be a nice idea 2298 01:34:20,870 --> 01:34:22,769 for you guys to go on a road trip together 2299 01:34:22,771 --> 01:34:24,537 since you can't stay in the same room 2300 01:34:24,539 --> 01:34:26,174 together for two minutes. 2301 01:34:26,176 --> 01:34:27,875 We can and we did. 2302 01:34:27,877 --> 01:34:29,777 Yeah, we drove halfway around the country 2303 01:34:29,779 --> 01:34:32,613 looking for a guy who lives next door to us. 2304 01:34:32,615 --> 01:34:34,381 By the way, kind of a bumpy ride. 2305 01:34:34,383 --> 01:34:35,783 He didn't live next door. 2306 01:34:35,785 --> 01:34:37,018 He actually lived three or four houses down. 2307 01:34:37,020 --> 01:34:38,286 No, it's definitely our street. 2308 01:34:38,288 --> 01:34:39,586 Over. But I know what you mean. 2309 01:34:39,588 --> 01:34:40,421 No, it wasn't. It was the next street. 2310 01:34:40,423 --> 01:34:41,488 It was. 2311 01:34:41,490 --> 01:34:42,622 Stop it! 2312 01:34:42,624 --> 01:34:43,991 Stop it! 2313 01:34:43,993 --> 01:34:46,659 Just take a big deep breath, okay? 2314 01:34:46,661 --> 01:34:48,764 Please. Sit down. 2315 01:34:49,231 --> 01:34:50,600 Sit down. 2316 01:34:52,435 --> 01:34:54,771 There's something I have to say. 2317 01:34:59,008 --> 01:35:01,077 It was, um... 2318 01:35:03,980 --> 01:35:09,649 Okay. It was December 1975, three days before Christmas. 2319 01:35:09,651 --> 01:35:11,952 That's... That's our birthday. 2320 01:35:11,954 --> 01:35:13,121 Yeah. 2321 01:35:13,123 --> 01:35:14,889 I was doing community outreach, 2322 01:35:14,891 --> 01:35:20,060 working with women who were in pretty bad situations. 2323 01:35:20,062 --> 01:35:22,529 What kind of bad situations? 2324 01:35:22,531 --> 01:35:23,730 Really bad, Kyle. 2325 01:35:23,732 --> 01:35:25,099 Drugs, 2326 01:35:25,101 --> 01:35:26,199 abuse, 2327 01:35:26,201 --> 01:35:27,868 destructive May-December relationships 2328 01:35:27,870 --> 01:35:29,369 they can't pry themselves away from? 2329 01:35:29,371 --> 01:35:32,672 Ali, don't bring your own drum to the concert. 2330 01:35:32,674 --> 01:35:34,574 Let Helen talk. 2331 01:35:36,111 --> 01:35:38,612 There was one young girl in particular 2332 01:35:38,614 --> 01:35:40,514 that I got very close to. 2333 01:35:40,516 --> 01:35:45,319 There was something incredibly special about her. 2334 01:35:45,321 --> 01:35:47,921 She was six months pregnant. 2335 01:35:47,923 --> 01:35:50,724 She went into labor early. 2336 01:35:50,726 --> 01:35:53,027 It was dangerously early. 2337 01:35:53,029 --> 01:35:59,399 And she had a very, very long and hard delivery. 2338 01:35:59,401 --> 01:36:01,970 But, at the end, 2339 01:36:01,972 --> 01:36:08,044 she produced two beautiful baby boys. 2340 01:36:13,917 --> 01:36:15,819 Your birth mother. 2341 01:36:22,758 --> 01:36:24,360 Your mother 2342 01:36:26,594 --> 01:36:28,263 didn't survive. 2343 01:36:35,004 --> 01:36:37,637 Oh, my God. This just got really sad. 2344 01:36:37,639 --> 01:36:39,306 So, with no family on record, 2345 01:36:39,308 --> 01:36:42,042 the hospital was required to call social services. 2346 01:36:42,044 --> 01:36:45,011 But Helen didn't want to put you into that system 2347 01:36:45,013 --> 01:36:46,380 and maybe get split up. 2348 01:36:46,382 --> 01:36:50,253 She loved you from the moment she saw you. 2349 01:36:51,587 --> 01:36:54,720 So, I started the process of adoption. 2350 01:36:54,722 --> 01:36:56,756 Despite my objections. 2351 01:36:56,758 --> 01:36:58,626 See, as much as I loved Helen, 2352 01:36:58,628 --> 01:37:00,260 I couldn't imagine sacrificing 2353 01:37:00,262 --> 01:37:03,163 my future for two tiny strangers. You know? 2354 01:37:03,165 --> 01:37:07,167 Kids were never part of my plan. 2355 01:37:07,169 --> 01:37:09,503 I'm better with animals, I guess. 2356 01:37:09,505 --> 01:37:14,241 Helen, on the other hand, could imagine nothing else. 2357 01:37:14,243 --> 01:37:19,682 And I brought you here to Westerville to raise you. 2358 01:37:35,831 --> 01:37:38,232 What was her name? 2359 01:37:38,234 --> 01:37:40,003 Our birth mother. 2360 01:37:41,637 --> 01:37:43,238 Jenny. 2361 01:37:46,875 --> 01:37:48,277 Jenny who? 2362 01:37:48,910 --> 01:37:51,311 I don't know. 2363 01:37:51,313 --> 01:37:53,747 The reason why young girls came to us 2364 01:37:53,749 --> 01:37:57,417 was because we didn't ask questions. 2365 01:37:57,419 --> 01:38:01,387 We weren't certain that that was her real name. 2366 01:38:01,389 --> 01:38:03,258 What about our dad? 2367 01:38:04,927 --> 01:38:06,860 We never knew. 2368 01:38:06,862 --> 01:38:09,595 She wouldn't talk about it. 2369 01:38:09,597 --> 01:38:14,837 She just wanted to start a new life for the three of you. 2370 01:38:37,093 --> 01:38:39,395 I need to get some air. 2371 01:38:45,167 --> 01:38:47,236 - I'll talk to him. - Yeah. 2372 01:38:54,776 --> 01:38:56,011 Hey. 2373 01:38:56,846 --> 01:38:58,147 Talk to me. 2374 01:38:59,847 --> 01:39:02,582 What's going through your head? 2375 01:39:02,584 --> 01:39:05,551 Biological mother dies at childbirth? 2376 01:39:05,553 --> 01:39:07,854 Which I guess is another way of saying we killed her. 2377 01:39:07,856 --> 01:39:09,355 No. 2378 01:39:09,357 --> 01:39:10,824 At a certain point, I just gotta say, you're right. 2379 01:39:10,826 --> 01:39:12,560 The universe is an asshole. 2380 01:39:12,562 --> 01:39:14,894 I think we're a couple of born losers 2381 01:39:14,896 --> 01:39:18,131 fulfilling our born loser identity. 2382 01:39:18,133 --> 01:39:21,201 I mean, you don't think that's an asshole move? 2383 01:39:21,203 --> 01:39:23,540 Fuck the universe! 2384 01:39:24,472 --> 01:39:25,706 What do you call that? 2385 01:39:25,708 --> 01:39:28,775 I'll grant you, the universe is a little wily, 2386 01:39:28,777 --> 01:39:31,311 a little unpredictable. 2387 01:39:31,313 --> 01:39:33,413 But it's pretty fucking amazing 2388 01:39:33,415 --> 01:39:37,020 when you consider it also gave us Mom. 2389 01:39:38,454 --> 01:39:43,192 And Mom gave up everything for us. 2390 01:39:44,360 --> 01:39:47,394 Where would we be right now without Mom? 2391 01:39:47,396 --> 01:39:50,997 And I hate to even contemplate this. 2392 01:39:50,999 --> 01:39:54,304 We might be running around out there, 2393 01:39:55,871 --> 01:40:00,576 not even aware that each other exists. 2394 01:40:04,946 --> 01:40:06,512 We're not losers. 2395 01:40:06,514 --> 01:40:09,716 We're survivors. Okay? 2396 01:40:09,718 --> 01:40:12,388 And that's because of Mom. 2397 01:40:14,022 --> 01:40:15,521 And because of Mom, 2398 01:40:15,523 --> 01:40:18,628 we can survive anything the universe throws at us. 2399 01:40:20,797 --> 01:40:22,264 I like that. 2400 01:40:23,031 --> 01:40:25,299 All right. Good. 2401 01:40:25,301 --> 01:40:26,936 Survivors. 2402 01:40:28,004 --> 01:40:29,369 That's good. 2403 01:40:29,371 --> 01:40:33,541 But the universe is on probation with me, Pete. 2404 01:40:33,543 --> 01:40:35,245 Fair enough. 2405 01:40:44,553 --> 01:40:48,555 I should've told you as soon as you could understand, 2406 01:40:48,557 --> 01:40:51,524 but I didn't, 2407 01:40:51,526 --> 01:40:55,695 and it just got harder and harder. 2408 01:40:55,697 --> 01:40:57,467 I was so afraid. 2409 01:40:57,932 --> 01:40:59,201 Of what? 2410 01:41:00,002 --> 01:41:02,237 Of hurting you. 2411 01:41:04,440 --> 01:41:05,942 Losing you. 2412 01:41:09,645 --> 01:41:12,511 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 2413 01:41:12,513 --> 01:41:13,583 No. 2414 01:41:28,062 --> 01:41:29,331 So... 2415 01:41:31,333 --> 01:41:33,033 I got hit by a train. 2416 01:41:33,035 --> 01:41:35,705 You got hit by a train. 2417 01:41:38,807 --> 01:41:40,239 I'm gonna miss you. 2418 01:41:40,241 --> 01:41:42,244 I'm gonna miss you. 2419 01:41:43,478 --> 01:41:48,215 Well, you get after that fantastic girl of yours 2420 01:41:48,217 --> 01:41:49,984 and give her Honi for me. 2421 01:41:49,986 --> 01:41:51,786 Fuck that! I'm gonna give you a Honi. 2422 01:41:51,788 --> 01:41:53,153 I don't need a Honi. I'm good. 2423 01:41:53,155 --> 01:41:54,087 You do need a Honi. We all need Honis. 2424 01:41:54,089 --> 01:41:55,723 - Hey... - Peter. 2425 01:41:55,725 --> 01:41:57,992 - I'm giving you a Honi. - All right. 2426 01:41:57,994 --> 01:41:59,696 You know what they say, 2427 01:42:00,629 --> 01:42:01,994 a Honi a day... 2428 01:42:29,557 --> 01:42:30,824 Blue, 32! 2429 01:42:30,826 --> 01:42:32,395 Hut! Hut! 2430 01:42:33,663 --> 01:42:34,763 In the end zone. 2431 01:42:36,197 --> 01:42:38,698 Yeah! It's a catch! 2432 01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,733 Great throw, Dad. 2433 01:42:39,735 --> 01:42:41,702 Damn, you could've been in the NFL. 2434 01:42:41,704 --> 01:42:43,636 - Eh. Probably. - Hey, you ready for this? 2435 01:42:43,638 --> 01:42:46,008 Probably could've been. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me. 2436 01:42:49,544 --> 01:42:51,211 Oh, shit! 2437 01:42:51,213 --> 01:42:53,113 Boom! You like that? 2438 01:42:53,115 --> 01:42:55,218 Oh, my God. Nice hit. 2439 01:42:56,384 --> 01:42:57,753 Come here, you. 2440 01:42:59,254 --> 01:43:00,854 Oh, gross, guys. 2441 01:43:00,856 --> 01:43:02,357 Come on. Really? 2442 01:43:05,960 --> 01:43:08,061 Life is such a crazy ride. 2443 01:43:08,063 --> 01:43:11,864 One minute you're on this epic quest with your brother. 2444 01:43:11,866 --> 01:43:15,335 The next minute you're getting replaced by a monkey, 2445 01:43:15,337 --> 01:43:16,503 about to lose it all. 2446 01:43:16,505 --> 01:43:17,771 And the next minute, 2447 01:43:17,773 --> 01:43:19,805 you think your brother's been killed 2448 01:43:19,807 --> 01:43:21,375 by a speeding locomotive. 2449 01:43:21,377 --> 01:43:23,176 And the next minute you think 2450 01:43:23,178 --> 01:43:25,746 your brother's having sex with his sister. 2451 01:43:25,748 --> 01:43:27,982 But the next minute you're very happy 2452 01:43:27,984 --> 01:43:29,882 to find out that she can't be your sister 2453 01:43:29,884 --> 01:43:33,220 because her father didn't believe in premarital sex. 2454 01:43:33,222 --> 01:43:34,520 I'm not sure they're quite ready 2455 01:43:34,522 --> 01:43:36,422 to hear about all your adventures. 2456 01:43:36,424 --> 01:43:37,924 You're gonna have to educate those girls 2457 01:43:37,926 --> 01:43:39,292 about premarital sex 2458 01:43:39,294 --> 01:43:41,561 because we come from a long line of people 2459 01:43:41,563 --> 01:43:43,796 with a zest for love making. 2460 01:43:43,798 --> 01:43:45,966 Never hold back on love. 2461 01:43:45,968 --> 01:43:47,768 You hear that? Never. 2462 01:43:47,770 --> 01:43:49,936 But let's not get distracted. Now, where were we? 2463 01:43:49,938 --> 01:43:53,506 Yes, one minute, Dad's getting replaced by a monkey... 2464 01:43:53,508 --> 01:43:55,408 Yeah, but the next minute, 2465 01:43:55,410 --> 01:43:57,510 you're inventing an app with your brother 2466 01:43:57,512 --> 01:44:01,314 that sends people optimistic messages from the universe. 2467 01:44:01,316 --> 01:44:03,884 And then the next minute, you're making $3.99 2468 01:44:03,886 --> 01:44:06,787 - every time it's downloaded. - Every single time. 2469 01:44:06,789 --> 01:44:07,854 And the next minute, 2470 01:44:07,856 --> 01:44:09,389 it's been downloaded a million times. 2471 01:44:09,391 --> 01:44:11,160 A million times. 2472 01:44:13,161 --> 01:44:15,996 Hi, it's me. The Universe. 2473 01:44:15,998 --> 01:44:19,198 Remember, life is not a race. 2474 01:44:19,200 --> 01:44:21,635 It's the journey that counts. 2475 01:44:21,637 --> 01:44:22,737 Okay? 2476 01:44:23,338 --> 01:44:24,673 I love you. 2477 01:44:26,542 --> 01:44:29,245 By the way, the Illuminati is real. 2478 01:44:30,845 --> 01:44:35,845 Subtitles by explosiveskull 169401