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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,231 --> 00:00:19,391 Good morning. 2 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,624 No. 3 00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:25,135 Larry, no. 4 00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:30,302 - No, what? What are you talking about? - Didn't you just wear that jacket yesterday? 5 00:00:30,377 --> 00:00:32,470 Yeah, I'm wearing the exact same outfit. 6 00:00:32,546 --> 00:00:34,673 I didn't feel like going through... 7 00:00:34,748 --> 00:00:38,047 that whole decision process of picking out an outfit. 8 00:00:38,118 --> 00:00:39,585 It's awful. 9 00:00:39,653 --> 00:00:42,315 You know what? I think it's time to get rid of it. 10 00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,789 What're you talking about? What's the matter with it? 11 00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:49,056 Everything. Look at it, it's maroon. 12 00:00:49,162 --> 00:00:50,754 - Maroon, yeah. - It's got... 13 00:00:51,498 --> 00:00:54,990 - You think that's a good look? - I think it's a good color for me, yeah. 14 00:00:55,068 --> 00:00:56,626 - It's not. - What? 15 00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:58,227 Why don't you just take it off... 16 00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:01,468 because I'm getting some clothes together for that homeless guy... 17 00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:02,940 that hangs out by the gas station? 18 00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:06,604 I've had this jacket since I started doing, since Seinfeld. 19 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,547 - Yeah, I believe you. - This is my show night jacket. 20 00:01:09,616 --> 00:01:12,346 - I wore this on show night. - Okay, great. 21 00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:14,216 But you know, it's really time... 22 00:01:14,287 --> 00:01:17,654 to update your wardrobe a little, don't you think? 23 00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,157 What? Get the hell out of here! 24 00:01:19,226 --> 00:01:20,454 - Listen. - What are you... 25 00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:22,825 This will be quick and painless. There you go. 26 00:01:46,086 --> 00:01:49,283 Richard Lewis is in your office. 27 00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:53,756 So, I'm not gonna be around this weekend... 28 00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:56,421 in case you wanna get in touch with me for some reason. 29 00:01:56,496 --> 00:01:58,259 - Where you going? - I'm going to Monterey. 30 00:01:58,331 --> 00:02:02,199 - That's nice. - Yeah, Cheryl's sister is getting married. 31 00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:06,265 - Becky's getting married? Really? - Yeah, to a Jew. Marrying a Jew. 32 00:02:06,339 --> 00:02:08,967 Really? So am I. They make the best husbands. 33 00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:10,634 And he's converting. 34 00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:13,712 He's getting baptized and the whole thing, whatever. 35 00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:15,077 - Really? - Yeah. 36 00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:17,775 But, you know what? 37 00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:20,479 I'll leave you the number where I'm gonna be staying... 38 00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:23,853 - just in case anything comes up. - Okay. 39 00:02:25,826 --> 00:02:28,989 I came up here for the tape, and thank you, but I... 40 00:02:29,763 --> 00:02:33,460 God, I hate doing this, 'cause, you know, you always take it the wrong way. 41 00:02:33,533 --> 00:02:36,331 You take everything the wrong way, ever since I've known you. 42 00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:40,032 Seven years ago, I was in Paris, and I remember it exactly- 43 00:02:40,106 --> 00:02:41,596 Forget Paris! 44 00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:45,042 All right, you stole my outgoing message on my answering machine. 45 00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:47,807 What, are you crazy? What, are you nuts? 46 00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,348 I know you're ethical, I'm ethical. 47 00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:52,010 You know, when people steal jokes, we fucking hate that. 48 00:02:52,085 --> 00:02:54,747 But I hate when people fucking steal my outgoing messages. 49 00:02:54,821 --> 00:02:57,016 You don't even know what you're talking about. 50 00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:59,991 You have my same answering machine outgoing message... 51 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:01,118 and it bugs me! 52 00:03:01,194 --> 00:03:03,128 - That's my message! - I wrote it in Paris! 53 00:03:03,196 --> 00:03:06,427 You wrote it in Paris? I had that message seven years ago! 54 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,058 - Bullshit! - Seven years... 55 00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:10,102 I wrote it seven and a half years ago! 56 00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,297 Whose word are you gonna trust, okay? 57 00:03:12,372 --> 00:03:15,773 An ex-alcoholic's, or a person who was lucid 24 hours a day... 58 00:03:15,842 --> 00:03:17,002 his whole life? 59 00:03:17,077 --> 00:03:18,874 - Do me a favor? - What? 60 00:03:18,945 --> 00:03:20,537 - Please change it. - What? 61 00:03:20,614 --> 00:03:22,172 'Cause it's really bothering me. 62 00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:24,410 I want you to change that 'cause people call me... 63 00:03:24,484 --> 00:03:27,453 and they call you, and they go, "Larry David has the same thing." 64 00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:29,819 So I say, "It's not Larry David's, it's mine." 65 00:03:29,890 --> 00:03:32,484 I don't have a wife, I don't have, you know... 66 00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:35,084 My parents are dead. You have a family. 67 00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:37,490 Come on, change it. Can you... Come on. 68 00:03:37,697 --> 00:03:40,564 He doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead. 69 00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:43,262 That's right. I hold onto these things, man. 70 00:03:43,336 --> 00:03:45,702 Doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead. 71 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,030 Do me a favor and change it for me. 72 00:03:48,108 --> 00:03:50,770 Yeah, I'll change it, because you don't have a wife... 73 00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:52,641 and your parents, you lost your parents. 74 00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:54,475 I'm laughing, 'cause you're funny. 75 00:03:54,548 --> 00:03:57,039 And they would've been 95, but they're dead. 76 00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,677 - I'm laughing but if you don't change it- - It's a shame. 77 00:03:59,753 --> 00:04:00,777 Are you done? 78 00:04:00,854 --> 00:04:03,914 Yeah, I'm done. I didn't steal your message, asshole. 79 00:04:04,257 --> 00:04:05,281 I didn't take it. 80 00:04:05,358 --> 00:04:08,885 You took it from me, but you know what? I'll be the man. 81 00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,429 Whatever. 82 00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,003 Ridiculous. 83 00:04:22,576 --> 00:04:26,706 Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message at the tone. Thank you. 84 00:04:28,281 --> 00:04:29,441 Fantastic. 85 00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:34,185 - What's wrong with that? - What's wrong? It's because it's not fair. 86 00:04:34,254 --> 00:04:38,315 - At least it's an admission of guilt. - It's not an admission of guilt. 87 00:04:38,391 --> 00:04:41,758 How's that an admission of guilt? I was the man. 88 00:04:41,828 --> 00:04:45,161 I'm a big man. I'm a big, expansive man. 89 00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:48,301 You're a small, petty man. 90 00:04:48,468 --> 00:04:50,095 Don't change that. 91 00:04:53,373 --> 00:04:56,501 I remember when you made that message. I thought it was very funny. 92 00:04:56,576 --> 00:04:58,703 You know, so then to show that I was the man... 93 00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:01,747 I changed the message right in front of him in the office. 94 00:05:01,915 --> 00:05:03,974 - From the office? - Yeah. 95 00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:06,817 I didn't know you could change your outgoing message. 96 00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:09,047 - Yeah, it was easy. - I thought you had to be here. 97 00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:11,682 What do I got to take? Do I need a traveling outfit? 98 00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:16,127 Yes, you need a traveling outfit, you need something for the baptism. 99 00:05:16,196 --> 00:05:19,563 - So, we're probably- - What is a baptism anyway? 100 00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,263 - You don't know what a baptism is? - I have no idea. 101 00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:25,532 - Something to do with water? - Yeah. 102 00:05:26,506 --> 00:05:28,701 I can't believe you don't know what a baptism is. 103 00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:32,438 - I don't know what it is. - You'll find out tomorrow, firsthand. 104 00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:34,104 You're gonna witness the whole thing. 105 00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:36,910 What does the average gentile wear to a baptism? 106 00:05:38,351 --> 00:05:41,685 - Something... - Blue blazer and a red tie and a white shirt? 107 00:05:41,755 --> 00:05:44,246 - Yeah, do you have that? - My St. Anthony's... 108 00:05:44,524 --> 00:05:46,890 Khakis and a blue blazer would be wonderful. 109 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,191 - And then something for the wedding? - Then something for the wedding. 110 00:05:50,263 --> 00:05:51,924 - Then the next day? - Yes. 111 00:05:51,998 --> 00:05:53,727 Boy, this is rough. 112 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,093 This guy's converting. 113 00:05:56,670 --> 00:05:57,694 Why is he doing that? 114 00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,262 You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side. 115 00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:04,003 Yeah. Jews don't convert. I'm really surprised. 116 00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:07,274 You know what? If he didn't convert, she wouldn't marry him. 117 00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:09,679 I know that about Becky. She's very... 118 00:06:09,749 --> 00:06:12,377 She's very passionate about her religion. 119 00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,682 Why do Christians take everything so personally... 120 00:06:14,754 --> 00:06:16,517 with Christ, you know? 121 00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:19,149 It's like, not only do you have to worship him... 122 00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:20,590 you want everybody to. 123 00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:24,596 It's like, I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? 124 00:06:24,664 --> 00:06:26,962 Do I say, "You must like lobsters, eat lobster. 125 00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:30,230 "It's good, it's good"? You know, it's not only where you live. 126 00:06:30,303 --> 00:06:33,033 You go to Africa, you travel all over the world. 127 00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:36,098 "Eat lobster, have some more lobster, it's good." 128 00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:39,373 - I don't really think it's- - "We want you to have lobster!" 129 00:06:39,446 --> 00:06:43,348 Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities. 130 00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:46,351 What time is the car picking us up in the morning? 131 00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:48,182 I'm gonna drive. 132 00:06:48,955 --> 00:06:51,788 - Let's just take- - No, I don't wanna take that car service. 133 00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:53,655 They never show up, they're not dependable. 134 00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:57,026 Then we have to find a parking space when we get to the airport. 135 00:06:57,097 --> 00:06:59,258 We'll leave early, that's okay. 136 00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:03,365 - Look at all this. - That's too much stuff. 137 00:07:07,207 --> 00:07:09,539 Come on, honey, let's get going! 138 00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:13,379 I can't find the tickets. 139 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,044 When was the last time you had them? 140 00:07:23,189 --> 00:07:25,020 My office. 141 00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:28,887 I left them in the office. 142 00:07:29,429 --> 00:07:30,555 Shit. 143 00:07:32,198 --> 00:07:34,166 That's okay, we got time. 144 00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:39,797 It's all right, we have time. We got up early enough. 145 00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:12,203 They're not there. 146 00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:14,231 And I know where they are. 147 00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:17,936 Yesterday, when I pressed the security code to get into my office... 148 00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:21,845 there was this creepy guy and he was watching me... 149 00:08:21,915 --> 00:08:23,712 and he saw me press every number. 150 00:08:23,783 --> 00:08:27,219 I'll bet you he got into that office. I knew it. He was standing there... 151 00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:29,050 and I knew something was gonna happen. 152 00:08:29,122 --> 00:08:32,319 Somebody came into your office and stole airline tickets to Monterey? 153 00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:34,724 I knew I should've said something to the supervisor. 154 00:08:34,794 --> 00:08:36,762 Why would somebody steal tickets to Monterey? 155 00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:39,492 Why not? Monterey's a beautiful place. 156 00:08:40,033 --> 00:08:42,399 Was anything else stolen? Was anything else gone? 157 00:08:42,468 --> 00:08:44,197 I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. 158 00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:47,205 All our information is on there, our address, our phone number. 159 00:08:47,273 --> 00:08:50,037 He's not gonna break into our house, he's going to Monterey. 160 00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:51,406 This is ridiculous. 161 00:08:51,477 --> 00:08:53,775 I'll call the airline and tell them what happened. 162 00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:56,179 He can't get on the plane with our tickets, can he? 163 00:08:56,249 --> 00:08:57,443 Why can't he? It's a ticket. 164 00:08:57,517 --> 00:09:00,543 He hands them the ticket, he walks on the plane. Call the airline. 165 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,612 No, I don't think it works like that. I don't know. 166 00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,955 All right, just tell them what's going on. 167 00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:08,687 Okay. Hi. Yes, AirWest? 168 00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:11,157 Thank you. 169 00:09:13,266 --> 00:09:14,893 They're connecting. 170 00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,664 Hi, my name is Cheryl David and I'm... 171 00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:21,932 I'm on hold. 172 00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:32,779 Well? What? 173 00:09:32,852 --> 00:09:36,151 I'm still on hold, Larry. How are we doing on time? 174 00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:39,681 I don't know. We'll make it, I think. 175 00:09:41,761 --> 00:09:44,229 Hi, yes. 176 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:48,358 We're on our way to the airport right now, our tickets have been stolen. 177 00:09:48,434 --> 00:09:51,426 Somebody's gonna get on the plane with our tickets. 178 00:09:51,771 --> 00:09:53,534 No... 179 00:09:56,075 --> 00:09:58,043 They just put me on hold. 180 00:09:58,411 --> 00:10:00,641 They're gonna get a supervisor. 181 00:10:02,048 --> 00:10:04,107 Look at this. 182 00:10:06,119 --> 00:10:07,552 Should I go to Lincoln? 183 00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,679 - Whatever you want. - I need Lincoln approval. 184 00:10:09,756 --> 00:10:12,987 - I can't do it on my own, tell me. - Then go Lincoln! 185 00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,358 There's the lot. 186 00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:22,426 Hi. 187 00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,937 Okay, let me just... 188 00:10:25,505 --> 00:10:28,599 No, because I've already spoken to you. 189 00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:31,473 That's what I'm saying, I can't... You cannot help me. 190 00:10:31,544 --> 00:10:34,377 - No, I need a... - Just forget it. 191 00:10:34,447 --> 00:10:38,577 You know what? Just forget it. We're already here at the airport. 192 00:10:38,651 --> 00:10:40,312 There's no spaces. 193 00:10:46,092 --> 00:10:51,427 - This is unbelievable. - Yeah, parking is hard to find at the airport. 194 00:10:51,496 --> 00:10:53,192 That's something new, Larry. 195 00:10:57,136 --> 00:10:59,661 Maybe in retrospect, we should've taken the car service. 196 00:10:59,739 --> 00:11:01,138 Oh, my God. 197 00:11:01,708 --> 00:11:03,369 Larry, we've been down this aisle. 198 00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:06,276 What's this guy doing? 199 00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:07,871 Yeah. 200 00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:12,244 Excuse me, you leaving? 201 00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:13,979 Yeah, he's leaving. 202 00:11:15,455 --> 00:11:16,786 Beautiful. 203 00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:24,627 So I guess we'll just run to the gate... Maybe he's already in our seat. 204 00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,460 I wonder if he brought a date. 205 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,534 What's taking this guy so long? 206 00:11:34,073 --> 00:11:36,633 - What the hell is he doing? - Nothing. 207 00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:47,380 Yeah, it's all right, take your time. Nobody's waiting for you. 208 00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:49,353 Make a call, have a cup of coffee. 209 00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:52,116 And then have a nice bagel. 210 00:11:52,592 --> 00:11:54,253 Take a little nap. 211 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:55,960 That's fine. 212 00:11:57,296 --> 00:11:59,355 What are you doing in there? 213 00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:04,402 Trade places, you can do it over here. I'm trying to get catch a plane, sir. 214 00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,597 Get here earlier. It's not my fault. 215 00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:09,505 - Thanks for the tip. - She's leaving. 216 00:12:09,675 --> 00:12:11,233 Good, okay. 217 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:15,706 Yeah. 218 00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:20,046 What? 219 00:12:25,258 --> 00:12:26,987 - Did he not... - Mister! 220 00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:32,864 If the lot's full, why do they even let you go in? 221 00:12:32,932 --> 00:12:34,729 They shouldn't even give you a ticket. 222 00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:37,634 Gotta drive around like an idiot for 15 minutes? 223 00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:39,603 God, look at that line. 224 00:12:42,241 --> 00:12:45,039 - What do you wanna do? - We don't have time to stand in line. 225 00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:47,978 - We just can't cut right in front. - This is an exception. 226 00:12:48,047 --> 00:12:49,981 We'll have to go to the front and tell her. 227 00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:51,380 - Go to the front? - Yeah. 228 00:12:51,451 --> 00:12:54,887 We'll just explain the situation. We don't have time, Larry, come on. 229 00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,850 - Where are you guys going? - Hi. 230 00:12:58,491 --> 00:13:01,460 - Excuse me, we're in line. - Somebody took our tickets. 231 00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:03,085 We've lost our tickets. 232 00:13:03,162 --> 00:13:05,995 I'd be happy to help you if you step to the back of the line. 233 00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:09,125 We really don't have time. I was actually on the phone- 234 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:12,569 I understand that, but you need to get to the back of the line, please. 235 00:13:12,638 --> 00:13:14,503 Everybody here has been waiting, okay? 236 00:13:14,574 --> 00:13:17,338 I will take care of you when it's your turn, okay? Thank you. 237 00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:18,638 Is the plane filled up? 238 00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:21,612 Sir, please get to the back of the line right now, thank you. 239 00:13:21,681 --> 00:13:24,013 I'm so sorry about that. All right, where were we? 240 00:13:24,083 --> 00:13:25,345 You're all set. 241 00:13:55,348 --> 00:13:57,475 I got the guy. That's the guy. 242 00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:59,916 - What? - I got the guy. 243 00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:11,961 Okay, you can give me the ticket. 244 00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:16,029 - I want the ticket. - I don't know what you're talking about. 245 00:14:16,102 --> 00:14:17,228 What I'm talking about? 246 00:14:17,303 --> 00:14:19,635 I'm talking about the ticket you took from my office. 247 00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,969 You memorized the building code, entered the office. 248 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,168 I want the ticket. I gotta get on the plane. 249 00:14:24,243 --> 00:14:26,939 - You got me confused with somebody else. - I don't think so. 250 00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:28,241 I don't have your ticket. 251 00:14:28,314 --> 00:14:30,214 - Yeah, right. - I have my own ticket. 252 00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:31,443 Of course you do. 253 00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:33,712 It's a bereavement thing, my mother's death. 254 00:14:33,786 --> 00:14:37,278 Right, okay, yeah. I'd like to take a look at it, okay? 255 00:14:38,491 --> 00:14:41,119 - It's your ticket, right? - You wanna see my ticket? 256 00:14:41,194 --> 00:14:42,218 Yeah, I do. 257 00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,559 You wanna see? Let's take a look, all right? 258 00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:47,497 - Yeah. - What's the name right here? 259 00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:50,798 Is it your name? No, it's mine. "Chris Darga." 260 00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:54,498 See, if this were yours, it would say "Fucking Douchebag." 261 00:14:57,210 --> 00:14:58,268 Asshole. 262 00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:00,437 Sorry about your mother. 263 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:07,919 Ladies and gentlemen, AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey, California... 264 00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:10,421 is now boarding rows 16 through 30. 265 00:15:10,489 --> 00:15:14,926 Once again for all AirWest passengers, flight 1459 to Monterey... 266 00:15:14,994 --> 00:15:18,521 we are boarding rows 16 through 30. 267 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,471 I know what you did. 268 00:15:33,813 --> 00:15:35,644 - You talking to me? - Yeah. 269 00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:37,780 - I know. - What? 270 00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:39,477 - The ticket. - What ticket? 271 00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:41,019 What are you talking about? 272 00:15:41,087 --> 00:15:43,180 The ticket right here, to Monterey. 273 00:15:43,256 --> 00:15:46,623 - I know, come on. - I think you got the wrong guy. 274 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,719 Give me the ticket back, I won't say anything- 275 00:15:49,795 --> 00:15:52,263 I don't have your ticket. What are you talking about? 276 00:15:54,533 --> 00:15:56,296 Come on, the ticket. 277 00:15:57,703 --> 00:15:59,364 Go fuck yourself. 278 00:16:02,908 --> 00:16:04,034 Okay. 279 00:16:07,079 --> 00:16:10,446 Ladies and gentlemen, AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey... 280 00:16:10,516 --> 00:16:13,041 is now boarding rows one through 15. 281 00:16:14,954 --> 00:16:17,149 - What are you doing? - I was looking for the guy. 282 00:16:17,223 --> 00:16:19,521 Did you look at these people? Did you see anything? 283 00:16:19,592 --> 00:16:22,186 I don't know who you're looking for, Larry. 284 00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:26,425 Final boarding call for flight 1459, non-stop to Monterey. 285 00:16:26,499 --> 00:16:29,730 Will all remaining passengers please board? 286 00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:40,136 Okay, you know, your flight won't leave for another hour... 287 00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:43,204 so you have plenty of time. We're not even boarding that yet... 288 00:16:43,282 --> 00:16:47,013 so just take it easy and we'll call you when we're ready. Thanks. 289 00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:52,917 Hi. We lost our tickets. We need to get on this flight right now. 290 00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:55,119 Somebody stole our tickets, they're on the plane. 291 00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:58,254 I don't have a single ticket. I'm completely sold out. I'm sorry. 292 00:16:58,331 --> 00:16:59,662 We already have tickets. 293 00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:02,428 The point is, somebody is in our seats, see? 294 00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:05,163 - I don't think that's- - No, that's very possible- 295 00:17:05,371 --> 00:17:06,531 Actually, the door is closed. 296 00:17:06,605 --> 00:17:09,335 That means I am not legally allowed to go back on the plane. 297 00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:10,773 I can get you on another flight- 298 00:17:10,843 --> 00:17:13,038 Somebody's sitting in our seats on the plane. 299 00:17:13,112 --> 00:17:17,071 - We have tickets for that flight. - Can I see the tickets, please? 300 00:17:17,149 --> 00:17:19,743 - We don't have them. - They were stolen. 301 00:17:21,053 --> 00:17:23,647 I can't go on the plane, my hands are tied. 302 00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:26,783 But what I can do for you is I can get you on the next flight... 303 00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,486 which will get you in at 4:00. 304 00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:30,529 That would not be good, actually. 305 00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:32,427 We would miss the baptism, we would miss- 306 00:17:32,498 --> 00:17:33,624 I'm sorry. 307 00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:37,499 We're trying to go to a wedding, and we need to be there in a few hours- 308 00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:41,597 I have an idea, I think I can actually... Maybe this will work. 309 00:17:41,674 --> 00:17:43,505 I don't have another flight to Monterey... 310 00:17:43,576 --> 00:17:47,774 but I can send you through San Francisco. 10:30, it would get you into San Francisco. 311 00:17:47,847 --> 00:17:48,939 It's only an hour flight. 312 00:17:49,014 --> 00:17:51,710 You can rent a car to Monterey. It's about 100 miles. 313 00:17:51,784 --> 00:17:54,617 That'd get you in by about 2:00, and that should work for you. 314 00:17:54,687 --> 00:17:56,450 Then we wouldn't miss the baptism. 315 00:17:56,522 --> 00:17:57,819 - Exactly. - That's fine. 316 00:17:57,890 --> 00:17:59,187 I'll set that up for you. 317 00:17:59,258 --> 00:18:01,920 I need a credit card and I'll get this all rolling for you. 318 00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:04,224 Larry, give her your credit card. 319 00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:11,403 - You got the cell phone? - Yeah. 320 00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:17,265 I wanna call Richard Lewis. I want you to corroborate this message. 321 00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,968 - That is so ridiculous. - Why is it ridiculous? 322 00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:27,377 That is such a funny message. 323 00:18:27,453 --> 00:18:29,751 How did you ever come up with something like that? 324 00:18:29,822 --> 00:18:33,622 You are so clever. I'm sitting here with my wife... 325 00:18:33,692 --> 00:18:37,253 and I believe that she can shed some light on this controversy. 326 00:18:37,329 --> 00:18:39,991 - So, just hold on. - No, I don't wanna do that. 327 00:18:40,666 --> 00:18:41,758 - Come on, Cheryl. - Stop it. 328 00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:45,895 I don't want to do it, Larry. I don't feel like doing that right now. 329 00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,669 She'll talk to you in person. 330 00:18:51,744 --> 00:18:54,269 She wants to discuss this in person. 331 00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:56,506 Okay. 332 00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:01,443 Flight 627 to San Francisco... 333 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,609 Thank you. 334 00:19:02,621 --> 00:19:05,920 All passengers in rows 16 and higher may board now. 335 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:18,467 - All set. - How long does it take to get to Monterey? 336 00:19:18,537 --> 00:19:21,404 - About two hours. - Two hours? We can still make it. 337 00:19:21,474 --> 00:19:23,840 Okay. I'm gonna drive. Thank you. 338 00:19:25,878 --> 00:19:28,574 Jesus Christ, slow down. 339 00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:45,457 I'm gonna check the machine. 340 00:19:50,503 --> 00:19:52,835 Have you ever had a fresh grape? 341 00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:59,376 I've had fresh apples, never had a fresh grape. 342 00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:03,905 I've never had a fresh cherry, never had a fresh pear. 343 00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:08,480 Never seen a pear. Never saw a pear outside of a fruit stand. 344 00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:10,749 What's going on? The machine's not even coming on. 345 00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:11,847 There's no message. 346 00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,188 The message that you changed from your office? 347 00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:16,751 - Yeah. - Yeah. It's not working? 348 00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:20,390 - No. - Did you check it after you changed it? 349 00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:23,629 No, I didn't check it, I thought it was... I did it right. 350 00:20:23,702 --> 00:20:24,999 Yeah. 351 00:20:27,306 --> 00:20:28,830 So what? 352 00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,872 So we miss a couple of calls, big deal. 353 00:20:38,918 --> 00:20:42,547 This is nice country, don't you think? Nice country up here. 354 00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:45,187 Maybe we should move up here. Think we should? 355 00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:49,421 I think you should look at the map and find out where we are exactly. 356 00:20:49,495 --> 00:20:52,464 Settle down? Are we settled down, do you think? 357 00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:56,126 I mean, what do you have to be to be settled down? 358 00:20:56,201 --> 00:20:57,828 We have a house, and chairs. 359 00:20:57,903 --> 00:21:01,964 You know, grape works as a soda, sort of as a gum... 360 00:21:02,341 --> 00:21:05,139 but I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie. 361 00:21:05,544 --> 00:21:07,739 Grape pie? There's no grape pie. 362 00:21:08,247 --> 00:21:09,271 I don't know... 363 00:21:09,348 --> 00:21:12,044 did we think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii? 364 00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:13,778 They gotta ruin everything. 365 00:21:13,852 --> 00:21:17,083 They ruined the continental United States. 366 00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:20,486 Yeah, we have a beautiful Pacific coast, Atlantic coast... 367 00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:22,151 that's the continental United States. 368 00:21:22,227 --> 00:21:24,991 You don't need more states. We're not the British empire. 369 00:21:25,064 --> 00:21:28,124 What, are they trying to turn us into the British empire? 370 00:21:28,867 --> 00:21:33,702 - And what is Puerto Rico anyway? - Please, I am trying to drive. 371 00:21:36,775 --> 00:21:40,108 Okay, that's three-tenths of a mile, right there. 372 00:21:40,179 --> 00:21:41,237 Yeah. 373 00:21:41,447 --> 00:21:42,778 - So... - I don't know. 374 00:21:42,848 --> 00:21:46,284 - It's gotta be around here, right? - Is that a... 375 00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:48,252 - Is that a row of pines? - I will be so mad... 376 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,584 if we miss this. This is a row of pines. 377 00:21:51,023 --> 00:21:52,581 We already passed pines. 378 00:21:52,658 --> 00:21:55,627 - Is that a car? - Isn't that a row of pines? 379 00:21:55,694 --> 00:21:57,685 - Is that a car up there? - Stupid directions. 380 00:21:57,763 --> 00:21:59,856 Let's just stop and get out and take a look. 381 00:21:59,932 --> 00:22:02,696 - It's gotta be around here. - I don't know. 382 00:22:25,257 --> 00:22:27,350 Stop! 383 00:22:27,793 --> 00:22:29,454 No, Larry! 384 00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:34,930 What's going on? No! My God! Honey, kick! 385 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,448 Jesus, get him! He can't swim! 386 00:22:39,449 --> 00:22:42,798 - Help! - Get him! Hold your breath! Kick! 387 00:22:43,208 --> 00:22:44,470 God! 388 00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:51,115 Hold on! 389 00:22:58,424 --> 00:22:59,914 How you doing? 390 00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:12,428 Anybody need a change of dry clothes? 391 00:23:14,139 --> 00:23:17,199 - Hot bath? - You happy about this, Larry? 392 00:23:17,276 --> 00:23:19,676 Is this what you had in mind? You like this, you dick? 393 00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:20,769 Honey, it's fine. 394 00:23:20,846 --> 00:23:23,212 It's not fine. What the hell is the matter with you? 395 00:23:23,282 --> 00:23:25,807 I thought that he was drowning him. I'm sorry! 396 00:23:25,884 --> 00:23:29,445 Bullshit, you didn't think he was drowning, you didn't want him to convert. 397 00:23:29,521 --> 00:23:33,685 - So you came screaming to stop it. - What do I care? I don't care if he converts. 398 00:23:33,759 --> 00:23:36,193 That is ridiculous. You didn't want to lose a Jew. 399 00:23:36,261 --> 00:23:39,128 I don't care if I lose Jews. Take them all, I don't need them. 400 00:23:39,198 --> 00:23:42,224 That was the point of the baptism, but you came and blew it. 401 00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:46,760 - What is that supposed to mean? - I want you, I don't want you to be a Jew. 402 00:23:46,838 --> 00:23:48,864 Tell her it was an accident, you didn't mean to interrupt. 403 00:23:49,274 --> 00:23:52,038 I never saw a baptism before, I don't know what it is. 404 00:23:52,111 --> 00:23:54,671 - How can you not know what it is? - I'd never been to one. 405 00:23:54,747 --> 00:23:57,682 I've never been to a bris, but I know what it is. 406 00:23:57,750 --> 00:24:00,082 He didn't mean to interrupt you. 407 00:24:00,152 --> 00:24:03,212 Larry, can I have a word with you for a second? 408 00:24:04,757 --> 00:24:07,624 Come here. You don't know me, Dave Levin. 409 00:24:07,693 --> 00:24:09,126 I'm the schmuck's brother-in-law. 410 00:24:09,194 --> 00:24:12,561 - What you did is a very gutsy thing. - No, I didn't do anything. 411 00:24:12,631 --> 00:24:15,464 You don't have to take a bow for it, I'm just telling you. 412 00:24:15,534 --> 00:24:19,334 As one Jew to another, it's a gutsy thing to come in and step in. 413 00:24:19,404 --> 00:24:22,374 - I didn't even- - A mitzvah for my family, thank you. 414 00:24:23,008 --> 00:24:26,205 - That's the wife. - You did good. Excuse me, you did good. 415 00:24:26,278 --> 00:24:28,337 But I didn't even... I thought he was... 416 00:24:28,413 --> 00:24:30,813 Don't be modest about this. You're with us now. 417 00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:33,113 You're with us now, all right? 418 00:24:33,485 --> 00:24:36,613 The question is, what do we do now? When do we go back in? 419 00:24:36,688 --> 00:24:38,883 - Right. - What do you mean, go back in? 420 00:24:38,957 --> 00:24:42,586 - We gotta finish it. - Finish it? I did it. I did what I said I'd do. 421 00:24:42,661 --> 00:24:44,458 I got under the water, you held me under. 422 00:24:44,530 --> 00:24:47,397 No, you just kind of started it, but it didn't really work. 423 00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:48,466 Not complete. 424 00:24:48,467 --> 00:24:50,833 That's not my fault, I did what I was supposed to do. 425 00:24:50,903 --> 00:24:52,063 But you gotta go back in. 426 00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:54,833 I dunked you one time, you need to be dunked three times. 427 00:24:54,907 --> 00:24:56,841 You need two more dunks. 428 00:24:58,210 --> 00:25:01,008 You're joking, right? I don't want anymore dunking. 429 00:25:01,079 --> 00:25:03,047 Get back in, a couple of dunks, you're done. 430 00:25:03,115 --> 00:25:07,108 I don't wanna go back in there. It was hard enough the first time. 431 00:25:07,186 --> 00:25:10,417 I like the way you told them you've never seen a baptism before. 432 00:25:10,489 --> 00:25:12,821 - I've never heard of that. - That was brilliant. 433 00:25:13,525 --> 00:25:15,516 You're a genius. 434 00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:19,492 You know, I thought something had to be done, really. 435 00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:21,897 You did it. You done did it, boy. 436 00:25:21,967 --> 00:25:26,404 - So, I said that thing about the baptism. - Yeah, Rabbi Akiva says it takes one man. 437 00:25:26,638 --> 00:25:30,005 We don't have to do it in a river. Do you have a tub in this house? 438 00:25:30,709 --> 00:25:33,200 - Yes, of course, we have a tub. - We can fill the tub up. 439 00:25:33,278 --> 00:25:36,042 I'll tell you what, get me a cup of water, I'll sprinkle you. 440 00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:39,242 - Just a cup of water. - I don't think it's about the river. 441 00:25:39,318 --> 00:25:40,945 I don't think I should be doing this. 442 00:25:41,019 --> 00:25:42,680 - What? - You know what? 443 00:25:42,754 --> 00:25:46,622 I don't know what it's like to have a baptism, or what you're supposed to feel... 444 00:25:46,692 --> 00:25:50,526 but I felt something. When I was held under the water, I felt a revelation... 445 00:25:50,596 --> 00:25:55,090 like it was some sort of message from God that I shouldn't do this. 446 00:25:55,167 --> 00:25:58,330 After I came out of the water, I didn't feel like a Christian... 447 00:25:58,403 --> 00:25:59,836 I felt like even more of a Jew. 448 00:25:59,905 --> 00:26:01,031 What are you talking about? 449 00:26:01,106 --> 00:26:04,132 I'm just saying something happened to me there that told me... 450 00:26:04,209 --> 00:26:08,111 someone or something was saying, "Don't do this, be happy with who you are. 451 00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:09,511 "You're Jewish and that's okay." 452 00:26:09,581 --> 00:26:12,277 I need for you to be a Christian before I marry you. 453 00:26:12,351 --> 00:26:14,615 Whoever steps up and does something like that? 454 00:26:14,686 --> 00:26:17,052 - I feel good. - You should. 455 00:26:17,122 --> 00:26:19,283 - You're amazing. - You're a hero. 456 00:26:20,025 --> 00:26:21,117 Thank you. 457 00:26:21,393 --> 00:26:23,861 I'd like you talk at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah. 458 00:26:23,929 --> 00:26:26,830 Something changed my mind for me, makes me feel different now. 459 00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:29,697 - I think it was the baptism. - Then we're not getting married. 460 00:26:29,768 --> 00:26:32,100 - I'm not getting baptized. - I'm not getting married. 461 00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:36,732 - Okay, Sheldon, Becky- - Larry, did you hear that? 462 00:26:36,808 --> 00:26:39,743 We're not getting married! You happy now, you son of a bitch? 463 00:26:39,811 --> 00:26:42,780 Don't call him a son of a bitch, he's not a son of a bitch. 464 00:26:42,848 --> 00:26:44,907 This man happened to do a wonderful thing today. 465 00:26:44,983 --> 00:26:46,814 - What? - What are you saying... 466 00:26:46,885 --> 00:26:49,012 that being a Christian isn't a wonderful thing? 467 00:26:49,087 --> 00:26:51,214 - What are you insinuating? - He's not saying that. 468 00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:54,054 It's wonderful for you, we resent the recruitment. 469 00:26:54,126 --> 00:26:55,991 We don't need you. 470 00:27:02,100 --> 00:27:04,660 Everything's a big problem with you people! 471 00:27:33,999 --> 00:27:35,967 It's good to be home. 472 00:27:50,849 --> 00:27:54,114 There's my jacket, there's the guy you gave my jacket to! 473 00:27:55,187 --> 00:27:57,314 Can you help me out? 474 00:27:57,389 --> 00:28:00,517 - Remember me? I gave you the jacket. - Hi. 475 00:28:00,592 --> 00:28:02,787 That's my jacket, it looks really good on you. 476 00:28:02,894 --> 00:28:04,794 I'm glad you could use it, there you go. 477 00:28:04,863 --> 00:28:05,989 - Thanks. - Thank you. 478 00:28:06,064 --> 00:28:08,624 - Thanks again for- - Okay, bye. 479 00:28:10,035 --> 00:28:12,094 Oh, dear. Yes? 480 00:28:13,572 --> 00:28:16,803 I found these airplane tickets. 481 00:28:18,410 --> 00:28:22,176 I tried to call you. The phone number was on there. 482 00:28:23,415 --> 00:28:25,883 You guys don't have a phone machine? 483 00:28:25,933 --> 00:28:30,483 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41973

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