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1
00:00:04,178 --> 00:00:04,352
.
2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:06,310
- Hey, hey hey!
It's the best day of the year.
3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:08,965
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,184
- I don't think you're allowed
5
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:11,185
to wear a poncho
to work, Hitchcock.
6
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,664
- Let's fiesta!
7
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,623
[band playing
"The Mexican Hat Song"]
8
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:15,798
- Oh, you got a band.
9
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,018
♪
10
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,281
- Stop, stop!
No trumpets!
11
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,109
Not today!
My head is killing me!
12
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,849
- Hit the tequila
a little early, huh?
13
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:26,156
- I'm not hung over, Hitchcock.
I've got a tension headache.
14
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,418
I've got
the Lieutenant's exam tonight.
15
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,159
I'm stress-eating like crazy.
16
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:31,422
I had ten hard-boiled
egg yolks this morning.
17
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,163
- Gross.
- You're having a high-grade
18
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,512
pre-test freak out.
19
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,949
I've been there.
March 13, 2001.
20
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,168
AP Calc test--
21
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:39,517
- Ames, I hate to cut you off,
22
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,302
but we all know where
this story's going.
23
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:42,477
- Oh, yeah? You know
that I crapped my pants
24
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,087
in the middle of the test?
25
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,697
- Oh my God, no, I thought
you were just gonna say
26
00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:46,829
you got a B+ or something.
27
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,570
- More like a BM.
- Noice.
28
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,442
- Come on, now Terry's worried
about his test and his bowels!
29
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,183
- What you need, Sergeant, is
to distract yourself.
30
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:55,881
NPR has a riveting
six hour interview
31
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,274
with Eileen Moon Myers.
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00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:58,841
- Nobody knows who that is.
33
00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,538
- Nobody knows the Associate
Principal Cellist in the
34
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,540
New York Philharmonic?
[snorts] Okay.
35
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,934
- Wait! I've got it!
I know how to distract Terry.
36
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,979
Captain, remember how you
cancelled the last Halloween
37
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,504
heist because there was that
emergency gas line explosion
38
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,114
and you said we had
to "help out"?
39
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,550
- Yes,
I also remember you
40
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,465
refusing to believe
the explosion was real.
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00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,206
- Go back to acting school,
buddy.
42
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,252
You're way overselling
the pain here.
43
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,557
No one's buying it!
44
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,037
Well, it's not like I
was the only
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00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,386
one who thought
it was fake.
46
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:25,607
- And the Oscar goes to...
Trent!
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00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:29,045
- You said that we should
reschedule the heist for
48
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,918
another day, so why not today?
To help distract Terry?
49
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,095
- Yes! And I would love to
defend my crown after I
50
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,531
destroyed you all last year.
51
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:39,534
- Well, I mean, the proposal
was all part of my plan.
52
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,579
- All I remember is you
bowing to me on your knees.
53
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,233
- Yeah, I was asking you
to marry me.
54
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:44,582
- Well, you look like a fool.
55
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,541
- Neither of you won
because Jake swapped out
56
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,456
the real championship
cummerbund--
57
00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:49,370
- Belt.
58
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,154
- For the treacly proposal one.
59
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:52,416
- What? I thought
everyone loved that
60
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,026
I used the heist
to do the proposal.
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00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,637
- You are wrong--everyone hated
it--but it helped me win.
62
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,943
During your engagement
celebration, I snuck back
63
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,728
and found the
original cummerbund.
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00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:00,946
- Belt.
65
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,600
- It's hanging up in
my living room at home.
66
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,515
- I never thought I'd say
this, but enough foreplay!
67
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:05,560
Are we heisting or not?
68
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,431
- Yes!
- Of course!
69
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,129
- Wait, I will only do this
under one condition.
70
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:12,132
Sergeant Jeffords agrees that
this will help his nerves.
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00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:15,265
-Yeah, I mean, I would like to
take my mind off the test.
72
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:17,137
And maybe I'll win this year!
73
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,747
- Ah, the heist
is already working.
74
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,836
Sergeant Jeffords has
recovered his sense of humor.
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00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:22,011
[laughter]
- Hey!
76
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:23,186
- All right,
but for real, though.
77
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,274
Are we doing this?
78
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,275
-We're doing this!
- Heist!
79
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,407
- Heist!
- Heist!
80
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,452
- It's a Cinco de Mayo heist!
81
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,237
- A Cinco de Mayo heist
82
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,499
makes just as much sense
as Halloween!
83
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,282
Let's do it!
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00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:35,285
[upbeat music]
85
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:42,597
♪
86
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:53,912
- Welcome one and all
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00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:58,308
to the first ever Cinco de Mayo
Halloween Heist 6!
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00:02:58,352 --> 00:02:59,788
We're still working
on the title.
89
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,529
- No need, I love it!
- Thank you, Charles.
90
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,313
Now, before we go any further,
91
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:04,706
we should probably choose
an item to steal.
92
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,360
Does anyone have
anything valuable on them?
93
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:07,883
Maybe some jewelry?
94
00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:10,190
- I have a medical alert
bracelet that tells people
95
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:13,018
my name and address, in
case I have a brain collapse.
96
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,846
- Perfect, this year's champion
will be whoever's in possession
97
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,675
of Scully's very upsetting
bracelet at midnight tonight.
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00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,286
- I take my test at 6:30.
- You know what, Terry?
99
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,635
You're kind of making
this a nightmare.
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00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,376
Maybe you just
shouldn't participate.
101
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,551
- So this really isn't about
helping out Sergeant Jeffords?
102
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:24,682
- What?
- I guess I'm out.
103
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,206
- But--no, no, no, no, come on.
104
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,251
Of course I'm 100%
in support of Terry.
105
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,600
In fact, I'm going to
team up with him.
106
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,036
- [laughs]
Let's do this!
107
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,647
- You are so easily
manipulated.
108
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,823
Now you're stuck with
Sergeant Dumb Dumb.
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00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:35,824
-Damn it.
- Hey.
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00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,261
- Santiago,
shall we join forces?
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00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:41,438
- Ooh, smart, teaming up
with the reigning champ.
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00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,875
- Again with this nonsense?
I'm the reigning champ.
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00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,661
The only thing you won
last heist was a lifetime of
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00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,185
mediocre heterosexual
intercourse with Jake.
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00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,447
- [gasps]
How dare you.
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00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,144
No one thinks you won
last year.
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00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,972
- Wow, really thought the "how
dare you" was going to be
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00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:56,148
linked to his mean
sex comment, but okay.
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00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:57,759
- Right, sorry.
I'll have you know
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00:03:57,802 --> 00:04:00,849
Jake and I wear each other out
every single night.
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00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,764
- Good lord, overcompensating.
You know what?
122
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,461
Maybe we just shouldn't
talk about this at work.
123
00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:07,421
- I'm texting Kevin
to bring the cummerbund.
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00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,814
You'll see who the real winner
is, you braggy breeders.
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00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,903
- A lot of infighting.
Not too late to ditch
126
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:14,819
Amy and team up with
this pussycat burglar.
127
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,604
- Please, Boyle,
your only value was
128
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,388
you had a doppelganger
which no longer matters
129
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,216
since Bill died in
that accident.
130
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,565
- RIP, Bill.
- So sad.
131
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,437
- I can still be useful
without Bill!
132
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,308
No hole's too tight
for these tiny tips.
133
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,528
[groaning]
For stealing stuff!
134
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,094
- [sighs]
- Well, fine.
135
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:30,835
Looks like I'll just team up
with my friend Rosa.
136
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,707
- I'm out.
Five heists was enough.
137
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,274
We've exhausted every
possibility of this thing.
138
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,971
Literally nothing new
can happen.
139
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,320
It's boring.
140
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:38,539
You can have a long lunch
with me instead.
141
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,105
- Ooh, lunch?
The devil's breakfast.
142
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,759
- Well, forget it.
- Okay, I won't call it that!
143
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,413
I just want to be
included in something!
144
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,850
- Okay, that whole lunch thing
was clearly a ploy.
145
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:48,331
But even still, I'm not
worried about losing to Boyle.
146
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,854
- No one is.
He's a joke.
147
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,465
All right, let's
get this thing going.
148
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,467
Scully will be locked
in the supply closet
149
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,599
with his bracelet.
- Can I lie down on the floor?
150
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:56,905
- Uh, yeah.
You can do whatever you want.
151
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,733
And you're already on the
ground.
152
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,430
With Hitchcock.
And you both have pillows.
153
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,780
- Best day ever!
154
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,956
- There.
Now they're locked in.
155
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,218
Arrange your affairs.
156
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,785
The heist begins
in five minutes.
157
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,570
- Five minutes? But this whole
thing was so last second!
158
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,441
I don't even have
any plans or supplies!
159
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:12,964
I have so many
plans and supplies.
160
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:14,270
I even have a victory banner
161
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,576
that unfurls with
a voice command.
162
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,968
I can't say what,
but it's so cool.
163
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,927
- I thought this was
a spur-of-the-moment fun way
164
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,972
to distract me from freaking
out about my exam!
165
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,670
- Well, it wasn't exactly
hard to predict, Sarge.
166
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:25,063
Your catchphrase is
"Terry hates tests."
167
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,630
- It's true.
Terry hates tests!
168
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:27,936
- But the point is,
I planned everything,
169
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,633
starting with
Scully's bracelet.
170
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:30,982
It had to be the prize
because I have prepared
171
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,593
the greatest reveal
in heist history.
172
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:35,596
Allow me to introduce you to...
173
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,728
Other Scully.
174
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,644
- Hi, I'm Earl,
Norm's twin brother.
175
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,167
- [mimicking explosion]
- Why's Scully never mentioned
176
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,821
he had a twin before?
177
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,519
- Because no one talks about
their siblings with coworkers.
178
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:46,998
- I've told you about
my brother Lawrence.
179
00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,348
- Nope, and I don't want to
learn about him
180
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,610
and I already forgot his name.
181
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,002
Now let's go.
It's time to heist!
182
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,222
- No movement yet.
So here's our plan.
183
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:56,443
After watching everyone coo
over your maudlin proposal,
184
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,401
I've decided we should
employ a similar diversion.
185
00:05:58,445 --> 00:05:59,837
- Smart, I'm in.
- You will tell Jake
186
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,273
you are pregnant
with his child.
187
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,666
- What? I'm not pregnant.
188
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,102
- Here is a positive
pregnancy test
189
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,495
and a sonogram of your fetus.
190
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:07,192
Congratulations.
It's a girl.
191
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,933
- Feels a little mean
to play with Jake's feelings
192
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,413
like that, sir.
- You're right, it is mean.
193
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:11,675
Too bad.
194
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,808
As your mentor,
I command you to do it.
195
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,287
- Wow, okay.
196
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:18,073
Perhaps we should
discuss some other options.
197
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,335
- There's no time, look.
198
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,858
Peralta's going
for the bracelet!
199
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,643
- How'd he get him
free so quickly?
200
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,079
- See ya later, losers!
201
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,297
- Not so fast!
202
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:28,039
[taser crackling]
- [grunting]
203
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,301
What the hell was that?
204
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,738
- That Fitbit I gave
you at Christmas?
205
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:32,435
I modified it into a taser.
206
00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,394
- What? Do you even want
me to get into shape?
207
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,134
-Yeah, but not as
much as I want to win.
208
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,440
Buzz buzz, bitch.
209
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,789
- I've got Scully.
Come on, let's go.
210
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:41,357
[taser crackling]
- [muffled shout]
211
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:45,492
No! Nooo!
212
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:47,189
- Yes.
213
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,495
- Fake heist went perfectly.
214
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,192
- So did the real heist.
215
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,542
- Why is your face
twitching like that?
216
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,196
- Oh, Amy tased me a bunch.
I bit my own tongue.
217
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,241
It was awesome. Was it hard
to get through the door?
218
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:57,765
- No. I'm strong as hell.
219
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,723
The hard part was getting this
bracelet off Scully's wrist.
220
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,552
How can you even feel your
hand with this thing so tight?
221
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:03,640
- You're supposed
to feel your hand?
222
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,076
- Well, that's terrifying.
223
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,600
Now if you'll excuse
me I'm going to hide
224
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,340
the old bracelet and
win me this heist.
225
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:09,733
- Don't you mean
win us this heist?
226
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:12,127
- Oh, Terrence,
unfortunately I do not.
227
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,086
- What the hell?
228
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,305
- Sorry, Sarge.
229
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,654
It had to be this way.
- Why?
230
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:18,916
- The banner only has
my name on it.
231
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,265
It's really all about the
banner.
232
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,658
It unfurls by
a voice command.
233
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,094
But I promise that I will
mention
234
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:25,488
both you and Earl Scully
in my victory speech.
235
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,837
- Wait, Earl's here?
236
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:27,925
- Yeah. He helped us
with the heist.
237
00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:29,492
- I told that son of a bitch
238
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,668
never to show his face in
New York again!
239
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,104
- Why are you running
towards the glass?
240
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,585
[glass shatters]
241
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:38,196
- You're a dead man, Earl!
242
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,241
- That's not great.
243
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:40,547
- You're a dead man, Jake!
244
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:41,896
- Uh, that's much worse.
245
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:45,160
.
246
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,292
- Squirt more lube
and help me yank.
247
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,424
- Ugh, you know
that fun braggy recap
248
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,773
we do at the end of each win?
249
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:50,774
Can we leave this part out?
250
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:51,906
- [grunts] Yes.
251
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,081
We'll make up a cooler thing.
252
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,778
But for now,
we lube and yank.
253
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:57,564
Wrap your legs around him
to anchor yourself.
254
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,739
- Yep. Here we go.
255
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,481
[grunting, screaming]
256
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,917
- Earl? Earl!
257
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,180
- Norm?
258
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,616
Norm?
- What the--
259
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:07,965
- I'm so happy your
friend invited me to--
260
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,097
- I told you
what would happen
261
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,533
if I ever saw
you again, Earl.
262
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,622
- What is going on?
What am I looking at?
263
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,537
- Scully has a twin
brother named Earl.
264
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,234
Jake brought him
here to trick you.
265
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:17,627
- Thank you
for the ride, Terrence.
266
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:19,542
Apparently they don't
get along very well.
267
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,326
- We did get along.
We were inseparable,
268
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,980
until Earl slept
with my wife.
269
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,460
- It's not my fault she wanted
270
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,157
to have sex with a stud
instead of a dud.
271
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:28,420
- Stud? Your face looks it's
been kicked in by a horse!
272
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:30,031
- Well, your mouth
looks like a butthole!
273
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,685
- Your whole body
looks like a butthole.
274
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:32,729
- And you look identical.
275
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,557
- [grunting]
276
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:35,906
- [gurgling]
277
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,212
- Should we help Scully?
278
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,561
- I'm not touching this.
279
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,172
[grunting]
280
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,871
- [screams]
281
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,699
- There's nowhere to run, Earl!
282
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,049
- Well, that was
a real mind eff.
283
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,616
Good-bye.
- Just so you know,
284
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,356
Jake has the bracelet
in his pocket.
285
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,793
- Why would you tell them that?
We're a team!
286
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:53,968
- You locked me up.
287
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,317
- Yeah, but they
didn't know that!
288
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,884
- There's no bracelet
in his pocket!
289
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,277
- What? There should be.
290
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,540
Where'd it go?
291
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,368
- Shalom, partner.
- Dope.
292
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,022
- And you thought
Shlomo Ben-Yisrael
293
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,284
wouldn't come through.
294
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,156
- No, I said the name
and the costume
295
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,245
were offensive,
bordering on actionable.
296
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,464
- Well, it worked.
Jake brought in Scully's twin
297
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,641
just like I planned when
I connected them on Facebook,
298
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,381
but he had no idea
they hated each other.
299
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:17,948
And when everyone
was fighting,
300
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:20,211
they were too distracted
to notice old Shlomo.
301
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,387
They all underestimated me,
Rosa, but today,
302
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:25,477
they will learn the error
of their ways, for today,
303
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:28,437
I will prove that nobody
gets the best of Charles Boyle.
304
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,873
- I doused your beard
in chloroform.
305
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:33,703
- Really? I find that
very hard to beli--
306
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,706
[triumphant music]
307
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,535
♪
308
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,972
- Where's this goin'?
- All the way to Trenton.
309
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,626
Take your time.
310
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,628
- Aah, perfect.
311
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,369
- What? What happened?
You know where the bracelet is?
312
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:49,414
- No. Kevin has arrived
with proof that I am
313
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,112
the only two-time
winner of the heist.
314
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,461
- Here's your cummerbund,
Raymond.
315
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,245
- We don't have
time for this, sir!
316
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,551
I'm gonna go search
the first floor.
317
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,248
- And I will search
the second floor.
318
00:09:57,292 --> 00:10:00,382
We are an inseparable team.
319
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,601
That was a devious fib.
320
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:04,299
I'm betraying her
even as we speak.
321
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,649
- Hey, Kev.
- Diaz and I are covertly
322
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,696
working together.
She snuck up through the vents.
323
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,219
This is a major reveal.
324
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:12,916
I feel like you're
not appreciating it.
325
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,657
- I don't like these heists,
or what they bring out in you.
326
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,007
- Oh, clam it, Kevin.
- "Clam it"?
327
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,008
Cheddar, perhaps
we should leave.
328
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,401
- No, Cheddar stays.
329
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,185
He still has
an important role to play.
330
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,318
Give me Mr. Hootsworth.
331
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:26,364
No one would ever think of
looking for the bracelet
332
00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:28,366
in Cheddar's
favorite chew toy.
333
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,282
- Or do you mean
Jake's favorite chew toy?
334
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,719
[chuckles]
335
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:36,157
Well, thank God no one
was around to hear that.
336
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,855
Ah! There you are.
I've been looking all over.
337
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:41,292
Woah. That's a lot of yolks.
Are you stress eating again
338
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:42,990
or is this just a
small Terry snack?
339
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,295
- I'm stress eating, Jake!
340
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,470
My snack yolks
are in that bowl.
341
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,124
- Oh. Well,
stop eating eggs
342
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:48,430
and come help me
with the heist!
343
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:49,692
- I'm not helping you.
- Why not?
344
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,433
Ugh, is this because
I once betrayed you?
345
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,130
- Yes! It was
our last interaction.
346
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,349
- And it was a huge mistake
347
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:55,742
and I now realize that
our friendship
348
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,482
is way more important
than any stupid banner.
349
00:10:57,526 --> 00:11:00,268
Look, the bracelet
is in Cheddar's chew toy.
350
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,139
I know because I bugged
Holt's cummerbund.
351
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,141
- You did?
- Yes! I figured he would
352
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,708
bring it in to show off.
Now let's do this!
353
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,231
- I don't know.
354
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,406
- Look, Sarge,
I'm sorry, okay?
355
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:10,234
I can't undo the past,
but come on.
356
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,758
Would you rather
win the heist with me or sit
357
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,325
around swallowing eggs like
Birdo from "Super Mario 2"?
358
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,327
- Birdo doesn't eat eggs.
Birdo spits them!
359
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,938
- Oh, my God, you got
that reference, Terry?
360
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:21,724
We're the perfect team!
Come on, Sarge, please?
361
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,421
- Fine, I'll help.
- Ah! Wonderful.
362
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:24,684
But, before you fully commit,
363
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,511
I should probably
give you the heads-up.
364
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,731
My plan is very elaborate and
you might get a little messy.
365
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,864
- I'm in.
It's the heist, baby!
366
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,822
Now let me know how
we get that chew toy.
367
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,215
- All right!
Okay.
368
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,564
First, I infiltrate Holt's
office and continue
369
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,522
our argument about
who won last year's heist.
370
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,525
- How many cummerbunds are
you holding right now? Zero!
371
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,354
It's one bund to none, son!
Tell him, Kevin.
372
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,355
- I'm leaving.
373
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:45,705
- It doesn't matter--
374
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,315
- As Holt argues with me
I will be covertly
375
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,317
releasing more water
into Cheddar's bowl.
376
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,362
Then we sit back
and wait for...
377
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,147
[Cheddar whimpers]
- Potty time again?
378
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,626
- What if he takes
him downstairs?
379
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,324
- He won't.
I spent a lot of time
380
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,065
making clandestine searches
on Holt's computer.
381
00:11:58,108 --> 00:12:01,285
Now all of his targeted ads
direct him straight to...
382
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,418
- The Puppy PeePee Pad.
Intriguing.
383
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,854
- He bought one
and put it out
384
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:06,508
on the roof next
to Gina's golden statue.
385
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,466
And, because he believes
that Cheddar deserves
386
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:10,381
to pee in privacy like any
other self-respecting adult,
387
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:13,776
he will leave Cheddar outside
alone to do his business.
388
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,039
- Notify me when you're done,
via bark.
389
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,562
- While Holt guards the door,
390
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:20,087
you'll be swapping out
Mr. Hootsworth for this.
391
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,741
- That all sounds great,
392
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,351
but how do I get onto the roof
without Holt noticing?
393
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,222
- Oh, Sarge.
You'll already be out there...
394
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:28,356
In a perfect golden disguise.
395
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,228
- The plan worked! I got it!
396
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,969
- Oh my God, you
look like an Oscar. Ooh!
397
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:34,579
We should take a picture where
it looks like I'm holding you.
398
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:35,798
- Jake.
-You're right.
399
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,408
There's no time.
We'll do it later.
400
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,540
- No, we won't!
Help me get this paint off!
401
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:39,846
- Okay, put your hands out and
402
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,238
I'll squirt you with
a little makeup remover.
403
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:42,239
Hi-ya!
404
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,414
- No!
405
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,547
You're betraying me again?
Why?
406
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,201
- Because of the banner!
407
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,811
- But I thought you said our
friendship was more important!
408
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,465
- Yeah, that was
obviously a lie.
409
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:51,683
The banner was very expensive!
410
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:52,859
I don't have
a lot of money, Sarge.
411
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:55,905
All right, bye.
412
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:56,993
Don't make a lot of noise.
413
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:00,257
.
414
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,564
- Howdy. I just got back
from lunch with Charles,
415
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:03,826
who is not here.
I am real glad
416
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,349
I skipped the heist.
Say, who is winning?
417
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:06,742
- I don't know, but I know
that I am not winning.
418
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,875
- Interesting,
it is also not me.
419
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:09,876
- Uh, why are you guys
acting so weird?
420
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,442
- Gah, weird?
421
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,662
Would a person who is acting
weird laugh like this?
422
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,359
A huh-huh huh-ha, carefree!
423
00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:16,926
- Yes.
- Jake!
424
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,059
- Oh, Terry, you ripped
yourself free.
425
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,800
- Yeah, maybe you
should try cuffing me
426
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,323
to a stronger metal
next time.
427
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,672
- Yeah, I don't know the
relative strength of metals.
428
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:24,934
- What's going on?
429
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,283
Why does Terry
look like an Oscar?
430
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,372
- Doesn't he?
- He has the bracelet!
431
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,504
We grabbed Mr. Hootsworth
432
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,114
from Cheddar and
swapped it for a fake!
433
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,769
- Wow, Terry, my betrayals
were all in good fun,
434
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:34,988
but this really hurts.
435
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,555
- Cheddar,
bring me Mr. Hootsworth.
436
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,471
It's an updated model.
437
00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:43,257
The bowtie is Turkish blue
instead of Egyptian blue.
438
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,780
How could you not
have noticed this?
439
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,564
- Because he's a dog.
440
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:50,742
And at the end of the day a dog
is no match for Jake Peralta.
441
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,701
- Well yours is a fake, too.
Turkish blue bowtie.
442
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:53,920
- Oh, come on!
The one time
443
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,312
I say out loud
I'm smarter than a dog?
444
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:56,748
- If I have a fake
and you have a fake,
445
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,446
who took the real bracelet?
446
00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,969
- I did.
- Kevin?
447
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,579
- I swapped out Mr. Hootsworth
for a fake
448
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:03,277
while you were arguing
with Peralta.
449
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,235
- How many cummerbunds are you
holding right now? Zero!
450
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,846
It's one bund to none, son!
451
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,326
- You betrayed me?
But why?
452
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,937
- I can't have more of
these trophies in our home.
453
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,155
The cummerbund was already in
the living room.
454
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,896
What's next,
a rusty medical bracelet
455
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,550
suspended above our bed?
456
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,117
- Yes! Now hand it over.
457
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,596
- I don't have it.
I gave it to Amy.
458
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,120
- [gasps]
- Santiago.
459
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,122
- You betrayed me as well?
- You betrayed me first.
460
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:23,732
You were working with Rosa
this whole time.
461
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:24,951
- That wasn't real.
462
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,343
I was always gonna
stab her in the back.
463
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:27,910
- You were?
What kind of person treats
464
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,477
another human being
like that?
465
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,826
- You tricked me, Rosa!
466
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,436
And then you shipped
me to New Jersey!
467
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,134
- First of all, grow up.
Second of all, how'd you
468
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,265
get back here so fast?
469
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,701
- If you get a box wet enough,
470
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:37,789
it's very easy to
bust out of it.
471
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,139
- No one ask any follow-ups!
472
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,705
- I knew I couldn't
trust you, Rosa.
473
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,490
That's why I was going to
double-cross you with Bill.
474
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,535
That's right,
he didn't really die.
475
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,929
- Hey, guys, you really thought
I'd miss this year's heist?
476
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,496
No way, I'm part of the squad.
477
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,932
- No.
- Not true.
478
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,151
- Okay, this is official
getting hard to track.
479
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,848
Who has the bracelet now?
480
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,197
- Santiago.
481
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:55,503
- Yeah! And none of you
are getting it!
482
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:56,678
- We'll see about that.
483
00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:58,419
[taser crackling]
- [groans]
484
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,681
What the hell?
485
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,161
- Remember that very
fancy Swiss pen I got you
486
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,510
for Christmas,
the one that you keep in
487
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:05,121
your pocket at all times?
It's a taser, bro.
488
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:06,949
[beeping]
- Uuugh!
489
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,951
I'll take that. Amy,
do not make me tase you again.
490
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,910
- No, no, no, no, don't!
I'm pregnant!
491
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,737
- What?
- I just found out.
492
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,522
It's a girl.
- Oh, my God!
493
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,219
- Oh my God, it's happening!
494
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,873
Quick, someone get a reaction
video of me becoming an uncle!
495
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,702
- She's making it up.
The pregnancy scam was my idea.
496
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,356
- No.
No, no, no, no, Amy.
497
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,358
Wait, is that true? Did you
just lie to me about our baby?
498
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:25,968
- Yeah, did you lie to
us about our baby?
499
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,970
- You tased me!
- You tased me first!
500
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,450
- Enough!
Terry's had enough of this.
501
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,539
This was supposed to be
502
00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:34,716
just a fun game but it's turned
you all into terrible people.
503
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,501
Betraying your husband, putting
your friend in the mail.
504
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:40,200
Jake and Amy, did you guys
buy each other any gifts
505
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,984
this year that weren't tasers?
506
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,246
- No.
- No.
507
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,205
- You all pretended that
this was all about
508
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:48,860
helping me with my test.
But none of you cared one bit!
509
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:51,385
You know what?
You all suck!
510
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:52,603
[beeping]
511
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,823
- Oh no, my voice command.
Terry, look out!
512
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,520
- [groans]
513
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:59,175
- Okay. I know that was bad,
but let's not jump to
514
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:01,569
any conclusions about
whose fault it was.
515
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:06,139
all: ♪ Jacob Peralta,
Jacob Peralta ♪
516
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:09,055
♪ This was all
his clever plan ♪
517
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,709
- Wow, what
a fun improvised song.
518
00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,885
all: ♪ This was all
his clever plan ♪
519
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:17,411
- His eyes aren't focusing and
he hasn't referred to himself
520
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:20,588
in the third person in minutes.
He's clearly concussed.
521
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:21,937
- Guys, this is bad.
522
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,504
The Lieutenant's exam
is in 30 minutes.
523
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,985
- Okay, look, let's just
get him to One Police Plaza
524
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,421
and hopefully he'll
wake up on the way.
525
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,249
Charles, help me pick him up.
- Copy that.
526
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:31,381
He's too heavy.
We can't do this.
527
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,209
- God! How does he lift weights
and also lift his arms?
528
00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:34,732
This is impossible.
We'll never get him there.
529
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,256
- So you guys need
help moving a body?
530
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,648
Thank God old Bill's
part of the squad.
531
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:41,522
I mean, assuming,
I am part of the squad.
532
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,438
- Yes, sure.
- Totally.
533
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:47,267
- Oh, yes, finally.
I have somewhere to live.
534
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,790
- What?
- Meet me in the alley next to
535
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,139
my shopping cart.
It's the one with all the cans.
536
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:51,532
- Seems like his plan is
537
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,881
just to put Terry in
the shopping cart.
538
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,013
- Correct.
We'll take it!
539
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:57,016
[driving mariachi music]
540
00:16:57,059 --> 00:17:00,323
♪
541
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:01,933
- Room 410 is this way!
542
00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:03,805
Okay, we got him here with
one minute to spare.
543
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,502
- Yes! I knew we could make it.
All right, Sarge.
544
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:07,287
You ready to
go in there and ace this thing?
545
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,071
- Yeah, I can't believe it,
I'm gonna be a pilot!
546
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,986
- Okay, well, that's not great.
- There's no way he can take
547
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,466
the test in that condition!
548
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:13,989
- You're right. Amy,
you're going to have to
549
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,425
crawl inside
his shirt and operate
550
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:16,948
his arms for him.
It's a Ratatouille situation.
551
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,472
- On it.
- No. It's over. We have to go
552
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,126
in there and tell them
that he won't be making it.
553
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,562
- So that's it then.
554
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,085
Rosa, you should probably go
in first since
555
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,391
this is mostly your fault.
- Dude.
556
00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:26,219
- All right, fine, I'll do it,
jeez.
557
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:32,051
- Wait. Where is everyone?
Where are all the desks?
558
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,139
- What is happening?
559
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,315
What's happening is...
560
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,405
You all suck!
[beeping]
561
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:41,669
all: ♪ You all are losers,
you all are losers ♪
562
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,975
♪ And Terry Jeffords
is the best! ♪
563
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,370
♪ You are all losers,
you are all losers ♪
564
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,372
♪ And Terry Jeffords
is the best ♪
565
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,244
- Son of a bitch stole my song.
566
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:53,159
.
567
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,291
- Wait, Terry has the bracelet?
568
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:58,077
- That's right.
Me and my teammate Terry won.
569
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,253
We fooled you all.
570
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,603
- You didn't do [bleep]!
- Okay, well, neither did
571
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:04,387
Jordan's teammates,
but they still got rings.
572
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,607
All right, fine.
Just tell us how you did it.
573
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,957
- Well, first, for my plan
to work, it had to happen
574
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,351
on a day when I could
control everything.
575
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:12,395
I couldn't let it
be Halloween.
576
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,267
- You faked the gas explosion!
577
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,356
- Yeah, stupid actors
almost blew it.
578
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,879
- What was with
that moaning, Trent?
579
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,055
I thought you studied at
the Lee Strasberg Institute!
580
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,883
- It doesn't mean anything.
They just take your money!
581
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:24,407
- Oh, that is a huge relief.
I felt so bad about poking
582
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,105
that guy's wound to make
sure it was real.
583
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,541
- You should still
feel bad about that.
584
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:28,977
- No, it was all fake.
I'm totally absolved.
585
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,544
Continue with your story,
Sarge.
586
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,633
- I knew you'd suggest a heist
as a distraction from
587
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,505
my Lieutenant exam, then all
I had to do was sit back
588
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,291
and watch as everyone
took things way too far.
589
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,031
- But how'd you know we'd
get so out of hand?
590
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:43,034
- I spent the last six months
sowing the seeds of conflict.
591
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,646
- Man, I am so sick of Jake
saying he is the only
592
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,474
two-time Halloween
heist winner.
593
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:50,303
both: I'm the only two-time
Halloween heist winner.
594
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,652
- I can't believe
everyone says you're
595
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,436
not helpful during
the Halloween heist.
596
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,309
Just because they all think
your fingers are too big.
597
00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:58,311
- We'll show them.
598
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,226
- Thanks for inviting
me over for dinner.
599
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,750
Boy, that's hung in a real
prominent place, isn't it?
600
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:05,187
- Not for long.
I was manipulated?
601
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,102
- Sorry, Kevin.
- Don't apologize to him,
602
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,321
Terry.
It's his first heist.
603
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,974
He needs to learn.
Keep going.
604
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,586
- Well, after I got everyone
acting like maniacs, all I had
605
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:15,850
to do was make you feel bad
by "knocking myself out."
606
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,156
- The banner.
607
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,635
But how did you learn
my voice command?
608
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:21,812
- I didn't have to.
I sold you the damn thing!
609
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,205
- No.
610
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,207
I want it to unfurl when I say,
"You all suck."
611
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:26,339
[through voice distortion app]
- Absolutely.
612
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:27,514
Pleasure doing
business with you.
613
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,994
- The pleasure was all mine.
614
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,300
[click]
615
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,388
That's gonna work.
616
00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:34,477
I spent $1,800 on that thing!
617
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,653
- You did?
- Amy, stop interrupting.
618
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,220
Terry's doing his big speech.
619
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,396
- Anyway, once
my fake concussion was
620
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,225
on display, I created
the perfect distraction
621
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,228
for my partner
to do his job.
622
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,276
- Cheddar,
you duplicitous bitch.
623
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,060
- I've been training
Cheddar for months.
624
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:54,628
- Wow, what a fun
improvised song!
625
00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:55,890
- When I swapped
the Hootsworths,
626
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,718
I put a magnetic collar
on him!
627
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:00,634
From there, Cheddar
followed us all the way
628
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:03,550
to One Police Plaza,
where he hand-delivered
629
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,900
the bracelet to me
right outside this room.
630
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:07,858
- But, wait, what about
the Lieutenant's exam?
631
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,425
Aren't you supposed to
be taking it right now?
632
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,340
- Hell no, I took
that thing weeks ago.
633
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:13,386
And I passed!
I'm already a lieutenant!
634
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:14,778
- You are?
- That's incredible!
635
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:16,563
- Lieutenant Jeffords!
- This is amazing.
636
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:19,392
- I'm so proud of you, Terry.
637
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,871
- All right.
You've overstepped now, Bill.
638
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,917
- Yeah, it's weird
you're here, Bill.
639
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,267
- To Terry Jeffords,
the ultimate human being
640
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:28,009
slash genius.
Nice work...Lieutenant.
641
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:30,403
all: Yeah!
- Thanks, squad!
642
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,882
- Also the next heist will be
at Halloween,
643
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,754
so you'll only be champion
for six months.
644
00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:36,104
This is half a win at best.
- Sounds about right, yeah.
645
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,584
- Yeah.
- Pretty garbage.
646
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,760
- Hey, Scully, so you
and Earl made up?
647
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:41,718
- Yup.
Hitchcock helped us realize
648
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,416
we shouldn't fight just
because we're so different.
649
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,592
- Yeah. To our differences!
[mugs clink]
650
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:48,464
[together]
Oh, dang it!
651
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:49,770
[simultaneous farts]
652
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,075
[together]
Ooh, double dang it.
653
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,426
- What?
- Oh, my God.
654
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,254
- Terry, what you did
today was awesome
655
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:58,518
and I just wanted to say I'm
sorry if I took things too far.
656
00:20:58,561 --> 00:20:59,780
- Are you kidding me?
657
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,085
I was just guilting you
as a tactic.
658
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,522
I love how crazy
the heist gets.
659
00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:04,219
- Okay, good, 'cause what I
really wanted to say
660
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,700
is next heist I'm gonna drown
you in your own blood.
661
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,267
- Oh, yeah? Well, then I'm
gonna rip your arms off
662
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,268
and beat you to
death with 'em.
663
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,747
- Oh!
664
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:12,488
- I'm going to slice your
Achilles' tendons, peel off
665
00:21:12,532 --> 00:21:14,142
your fingernails, and stick
knitting needles in your eyes.
666
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,143
both: Oh, damn.
667
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:16,231
- Raymond, you were right.
668
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,450
These heists are fun.
669
00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,452
- Fremulon.
670
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:21,715
- Not a doctor.
Shh.
51039
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