Original subtitles

NARRATOR: And now DreamWorks's "The Penguins of Madagascar."

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-Men, no training tonight.

It's game night.

-Trivia!

Let's play trivia.

I dominate trivia.

-Oh!

Can we play Simon Says this week?

-Yes.

Simon says we play trivia.

-Dreamy Date, Dreamy Date!

-No, no, no, no, men, we're not playing

any of those admittedly delightful amusements.

We're playing hot potato!

Eeny, meeny, miney, Rico!

-Here you go.

-Come on!

OK.

Think, Kowalski, think.

Oh, Private!

Private, where are you?

I don't have the bomb.

I just want to share your hiding space.

[PRIVATE WHIMPERING]

-And also, your Lunacorn fan club kit just arrived.

-With the rainbow scented mouse pad?

-No give backs!

-Hot potato!

-Oh dear.

-Hot potato?

Is that what you maniacs call destroying someone's home?

-No, but in certain parts of Mongolia,

destroying someone's yurt is called Tepid Yam.

-I wanted to play trivia.

-Leonard, it was a freak accident.

The odds of your habitat incurring damage

were, um-- what were they again, Kowalski?

-One in three.

-Right.

I think we can all agree that was a risk worth taking.

-Leave me alone.

-I'm sure the zoo will have this hole patched up in no time.

You'll see.

-Hm.

Damage is structural.

I must knock down whole habitat, start fresh.

Big job.

-Nuts.

I'll have to move the koala somewhere in the meantime.

Maybe he'd get along with the kangaroo.

I mean, they're both from Austria.

-You mean Australia, da?

-There's a difference?

-Leonard and Joey together?

-Ay, ay, ay.

-I calculate the odds of Leonard surviving

that scenario at 100%.

-Really?

-No, wait.

I was holding it upside down.

That's 0% with an exclamation point.

-Somehow I feel this is partially our fault.

-It's entirely our fault.

-Let's not point fingers we don't have, Private.

Anywho, we'd better smooth this over with the hoppy marsupial.

-Listen up, Joey.

Boopy, we've got some new--

-Joey don't like visitors.

-Um, then I don't imagine you'd fancy a roommate.

-A roommate?

Yeah, that might be a fair go.

-Is that a yes?

-Sure.

Gets lonely being the only roo in the zoo.

So who is this Shela?

-Shela?

Yeah, you know, girl.

Joey's got a hungry heart, just like everyone else.

-Um, well, it's not quite a shela.

-Hurry, hurry.

I do not want to miss a moment of the melee in midtown,

the hostility in the habitat, the big to do in the zoo.

-Joey, this is Leonard.

Leonard, Joey.

-What are you birds trying to pull?

That's no shela.

That's not even a kangaroo.

-Leonard is a koala.

-I don't care what he is.

He's not staying here.

Now get out before I throw you out.

Blimey, I think this bloke's kicked.

-No, he's not.

He's nocturnal.

He sleeps all day.

-Therefore, with your divergent sleeping schedules,

your interaction will be kept at an absolute minimum.

-See?

You'll hardly even know he's here.

Heck, you could even use him as a footstool if you want.

-Well, maybe this will work after all.

-Fantastic.

We can wash our hands of this whole mess.

Roll out, men.

-Hm.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

-Glad we didn't pay top dollar for ringside seats.

-What a day.

I slept like a little-- who are you?

What are you?

Stay away.

I have claws.

Granted, they're mostly for climbing, but I'm clever.

I bet I could figure out how to use them for self defence.

-Calm down, [INAUDIBLE].

I'm your temporary habitat mate.

-Well.

That's, um, swell.

I'm going to go chew some eucalyptus.

Want some?

-Listen, all I want is to hang about.

I don't want us to be pals.

I just want some sleep.

-Oh.

OK.

See you in the morning.

[PLAYING BAGPIPES]

-What the--

-What?

-Oi, mate!

That's me bouncy ball.

-Blimey!

What was that?

-Sorry.

My claws must have popped it.

-My ball.

It was my favourite possession.

I love this ball.

-Well, technically you still have

the ball, just not the air inside.

-Nice idea with the habitat warming gift, Skipper.

But are you sure they like fish?

-Fish.

-Everybody likes fish, Private.

-(SINGING) Fish.

-Actually, kangaroos are herbivores and koalas

eat only eucalyptus leaves.

I've got to do something with all this trivia.

LEONARD: Help!

Somebody save me!

-Ditch the gift.

Let's roll.

Rico!

-Aw, come on.

-I can't hold on much longer.

-Rico!

Spring!

-Please help, anybody!

-Got you!

-Anybody but the penguins!

No penguins!

-No.

-Relax, nocturnal marsupial.

You're safe now.

-Not so high.

Not so fast.

-Now don't tell me you're afraid of heights.

-No.

I'm getting motion sickness.

-Oh dear.

Well, lasted longer than I thought it would.

-Why are you penguins trying to ruin my life?

It was perfectly fine until you blew up my home.

-Were you, Leonard, really?

Or were you a sad, lonely shell of a beast?

-Yes.

And I was happy that way.

-I'm going to clobber you until your ivories

make like a necklace.

-Retreat!

-Hey, hey!

It is so on.

-The sewer?

Um, no, sorry.

Do you know what's down there?

-Oh, you think Joey's afraid to get his paws dirty, do you?

-This event was so over-hyped.

-Oi!

Me backside's all bogged.

-Not so tough now, are you, big guy?

-Leonard, high tail it.

-What's with the referring to yourself in the third person?

Oi!

Joey's going to say something loud and stupid.

Do you ever listen to your words?

Typical kangaroo.

-Leonard!

-You can take the boy out of the out,

but you can't take the back out of the boy.

Something like that.

Give me a minute.

I'll get it.

You can take the outback out of the out.

Out of the--

[CRASH]

-Joey thinks he's been insulted, and Joey don't like that.

-See?

The third person thing.

-He's gone.

-Curious.

I wouldn't think a mammal that large could be so stealthy.

-Maybe he turned around and went back--

[YELLING]

-It's not my fault he can't handle honesty.

-Rico, 40 winks.

-Keep running and don't stop no matter

how disturbing the sounds.

-I'm running, I'm running!

-Knock it off, mate.

-Give it up.

I could do this all day.

Good one.

Didn't see that coming.

-Oh no.

No!

No!

-End of the line, fuzz lump.

-Don't hurt me.

It's not my fault.

It's those penguins.

-Penguins didn't pop my ball.

-True, but if they hadn't wrecked my home,

I wouldn't have been in yours and your ball

would still be fine.

It's straight logic.

-You might have a point there.

-We're too late.

-Avert your eyes, young Private.

You'll never be able to un-see this.

-Don't worry about it.

I'll burn you a DVD.

-Skipper, wait!

Look!

They're becoming friends.

-OK, this lack of violence is senseless.

-If they'd just stop butting into other people's lives,

we'd be fine.

-You're right about that, mate.

A bunch of sticky beaks, those birds.

-Which one annoys you more, the touchy feely

one or the egghead?

-It's the vomity bloke what makes me chucking wobblies.

-Right.

It's like, hello, sanitary hygiene, anyone?

-Mission accomplished, boys.

-But Skipper, I feel terrible.

The only reason they're friends is because they hate us.

-Right.

Now they have something in common.

I call that a win.

Now let's ditch this sewer hole and have a game night.

-Dreamy Date!

-Did you know that Dreamy Date is

the 75th most popular board game ever?

Well, you world if you played trivia just one stinking time!

-Nice try, Kowalski, but we're going with Rico's game.

-All right!

-Sure.

It's a lot safer than the last game we played.

-Oh, you mean hot potato!

I love that game.

[SNORING]

-All clear at station Alpha.

Alice is in her office napping or swallowing

a family of piglets.

-Let's hear surveillance station Delta.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Seems Officer X is enjoying a quiet evening

of classical music.

-Two all clears.

Mark 'em, boys.

MAN: Leprechaun.

Avocado.

-Kowalski, status report.

-I've got a short in station Zeta.

-Station Zeta.

That's the sewer rats.

-Mudslide.

No escape.

-We lost Zeta.

-Leprechaun, avocado, mudslide, no escape.

What's that about?

-Cryptic with a chance of terrifying.

I need more intel.

-But Skipper, the but is dead.

-Then somebody's going inside incognito.

Kowalski, who's our most ratlike operative?

-[INAUDIBLE].

-I am not.

-Calculating, and none of us.

I can't make the bird to rat maths work.

-Curse our avian good lucks.

-What we need is a small number with a long tail

and an annoyingly high pitched voice.

-I call my tail Rodney.

-You want Mort to go undercover.

Our Mort?

[GIGGLING]

-Stop that, Rodney.

-I've got a no and a double uh-uh.

That spells no way anyone is to be undercover spy acting.

I've got, like, 11 different characters.

Check it out.

[CLEARS THROAT] [INAUDIBLE].

I am the Kentucky colonel.

Oh, say hello to the wealthy heiress.

Darling, we must summer at the fancy boating club.

-Right.

Sad eyes it is.

-Hooray!

I guess.

-Fine, but this Mort is no rat.

I'll be in my dressing room.

-Oh.

He will be.

-Testing.

Testing.

-Ta da.

-Since when do you have a birthmark?

-What?

Oh, it's just a--

-What?

A spy acting job and now a birthy mark, too?

Why and how come does Mort get to be spoiled with everything?

Maurice, dramatic [INAUDIBLE] position.

To the left, to the left.

-So disguise.

Now let's complete the illusion.

Kowalski, cover story, ASAP.

-You are now Ben Goodsniffer, born in the sewers

but raised by the cave dwelling wood rats of the Alleghenies,

the years of total darkness leading

to your comically oversized eyes and a burning

desire to seek out your long lost sewer brothers.

Any questions?

-Is purple a vegetable?

-Yeah, I can't work with this.

-Forget the cloak and dagger mumbo jumbo.

There's only one thing you need to remember.

Be the rat.

-Touch the feet.

-Be the rat.

-Bird is funny.

-Be the rat.

-Banana.

-Be the rat!

-Be the rat?

I smell cheese.

-Boys, we've got our inside man.

-Now, you should be approaching the entrance

to the rats' territory.

Remember, you're there to listen.

-Been a long time coming.

Play it cool, like the night wind.

You know what to do.

-Be the rat, be the rat, be the rat.

Hello.

I'm being the rat.

-Ay, ay, ay.

-Pipe down, dude.

We're trying to pick some sweet carpeting here.

-OK.

Leprechaun is too green, avocado clashes

with the sewage, so we go with mudslide brown.

-I still like midnight escape.

-I said no escape!

-So leprechaun, avocado, mudslide,

no escape is all just carpet colours?

-Yes, of course.

Let's all be glad this floor covering crisis is over.

Good job.

Agent Sad Eyes, return to base.

-Hey.

What's with that red ring on the new guy's tail?

-Oh, that.

It's just a--

-Grab him!

-Bug out, Sad Eyes.

Move, men!

Move!

-Sad eyes!

-What do we do, Skipper?

-Boys, this undercover op just became a rescue op.

It's time for an old pro to step in.

-It's a job for Kentucky Colonel Julien.

What?

Too much finger moustache?

-Kowalski, bring me my alias portfolio.

-Hello, guvnor.

-Who goes there?

-To be good, Jack the Knife at your service.

I hear you blokes had a lot of trouble with a lemur spy.

-I ain't seen any spies around here.

-Really?

Then what happened to--

-Glory be.

I hear you got a tiny, annoying lemur down here.

-Ringtail!

Um, what's all this, then, guvnor?

-Oh.

I declare, I would love to see a lemur expensive diamond talk.

So what you cowpokes rustle up that stray, howdy?

Robot resident approves this method.

Sniff, squeak, skitter, skitter.

That's my rat, you know, for the home crowd.

-That is the worst acting I've ever seen.

-Oh, like the eye patch penguin was better?

-We got spies.

[WHISTLES]

-So now it's a triple undercover rescue mission?

-I'll get the disguise kit.

-I call suave pirate Sashay Calypso!

-[MUMBLES] Aw, man.

-Hey!

-I never!

-Hey.

Been a long time.

-You look uglier than I remember.

-I had a skin condition.

-Well, now I feel like a jerk.

-Hey, King, what do we do with nosy spies around here?

-Not my call anymore, dude.

We all bow to the great one.

-I'm being the rat!

Hooray!

-Hooray!

-What in the name of golden calfery?

-The great one bears the red ring.

It's in all the ancient relics.

Sacred symbol of ratdom.

-Really?

A guy shows up with a birthmark on his rump stick

and you just hand over the throne?

-Hey, I'm just a dude who's into punching stuff.

I can't compete with the wisdom of the great one.

Tell them, great one.

-I like cheese and fighting things!

-Great one.

-Is this guy awesome or what?

-Mort, great one, because of a stupid tail ring?

I am the original ringtail!

-Look, I'm going to be straight with you diseased rodentia.

This isn't some rat great one.

This is Sad Eyes.

-The great one is known by many names.

I like Cheese Brother Supremo myself.

You rock, great one.

-Yes, it is true.

-He's our agent.

We sent him here to see what horror you were

unleashing on the surface world.

-Why would we be unleashing horror on the surface world?

-Um, maybe because you live in a kingdom of stinkiness.

That's right, Mort.

You are a king of toilet flushings and garbage eaters.

So there.

-Dude, ouch.

I mean, sure, we live in a cold sewer and eat garbage.

-We are getting new carpet.

-In the zoo, the houses are toasty

and the food is fresh every day.

-Great one, are you saying we should invade the zoo?

-Is that what a rat would do?

-Totally.

-Invasion!

[RATS CHEERING]

-I kind of get the pirate and the sumo,

but what's his problem?

-I'm an atom.

Don't you see it?

The perfect disguise.

They're everywhere.

-How could I have sent a rookie so deep undercover?

I should have known the boy would go rat.

-I also blame you, so we are agreed.

-Never mind blame.

The entire zoo's in jeopardy.

Ringtail, I'll need your, um, acting skills.

-Oh.

Um, 'scuse me.

As a licenced professor of, um, doctorology,

I could not help to notice you've got something, um-- no,

not there.

A bit closer.

Almost.

Oh.

There it is, in your face.

-Hurry, Kowalski.

-I'm trying.

Why did I choose magnesium?

-There's no telling what they're doing to poor--

-Hooray for invasion!

-Awesome!

Give the order, great one.

-OK.

Start!

-Stop!

-Behold the one thing powerful enough

to snap you out of this rat trap, the feet.

-Yoo hoo.

-Rats don't like feet.

-Well, that was all I had.

-Go for it, great one.

Show 'em your awesome invasion plan.

-Surround the animals!

-And now, unleash the kisses and huggies!

-Yeah, the kiss-- what?

-Never question the great one.

-Do you mind, buddy boy?

-You let Mort make the invasion plan?

-Well, yeah, but this is just part one.

-No.

This is the everything.

-But you're the great one.

You're supposed to lead us to toasty houses and fresh food.

-Oh.

Food!

Well, I always keep some strawberry jelly

on my tail for snacking.

See?

Oh, it's good.

Mm.

-I knew we should have stuck with punching stuff.

-Bye bye.

-See?

-Careful.

Mort's brain has been completely destabilised.

It could take months, even years,

to bring him back from his rat state.

-Am I all done being the rat now?

-Or fast.

It could be fast.

-Sad Eyes was the most amazing undercover work I've ever seen.

-Yeah.

I still got, like, 10 characters on you, though.

I'm just saying.

-Well done, tiny soldier.

Consider yourself an honorary penguin.

-Be the penguin.

-Hey.

-You didn't see anything.