Original subtitles

And now, DreamWorks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[THEME MUSIC]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[EXPLOSION]

-Rounding error, sorry.

-Kowalski, what in Neptune's net is that?

-My latest creation, Skipper.

An infrared herring toaster.

Guess it wasn't infraready yet.

-Oh.

[LOUD SHOT]

-Kowalski, your inventions have been a parade of disasters

jeopardising us, the zoo, and Manhattan itself.

-And the outlying boroughs.

-I admit there have been some unexpected consequences.

--[JIBBERISH] Until further notice there will be no

inventions, experiments, or envelope pushing of any kind.

[BURP]

[SCREAMING]

-Kowalski, are you envelope pushing?

-I could ask you the same thing.

-No, you couldn't.

I just got up to get a drink of water.

-Oh, well I could ask you a different question,

one involving long division.

And then you'd be in the hot seat, wouldn't you?

All right, fine.

Yes, I'm inventing just a little bordering on a lot.

I call it the Transparent Matter Maker or Transmatterer

for short.

It turns things invisible.

-Why not just call it an invisibility ray?

-Someone already took the domain.

Again the internet has vexed me.

-But what about Skipper's order?

-I am going to prove to Skipper that I can invent

something that won't go haywire.

Note the fail safes.

Trust me.

Nothing can go wrong.

Inert organic matter, an ideal test.

For the win.

This will show Skipper.

-Hey.

-Fred, Fred, don't panic.

I can explain.

-I guess while I was asleep I turned into a flying squirrel.

[YELLING]

-Leave it to you to find the one contingency I hadn't planned

for, the Transmatterer turning itself invisible.

-You're welcome.

If you need help with anything else

I'll be, um, so where's my tree again?

-Oh, back to the lab.

[ENGINE STARTING]

-What is that silly willy penguin up to?

No, it could not be.

Is he miming?

Lame.

-Beg your pardon?

-Eh, your mime.

It is so lame with the floaty floatiness.

Watch and learn.

The box is being too small.

Ah, and this rope is so heavy.

Ah!

Ah, the wind is so strong.

Ack.

And quite dry.

My lips are chapping.

-I'm not miming, I'm--

-That's true, your mime savvies are, eh, foof.

Watch.

I will mime it better for you.

[ENGINE IGNITION] -No, no, no.

Stop that.

Get off.

-They say I am so good, that can even feel what is I am miming.

-Ugh, you're getting in the way.

-No, you're getting in the way.

[TYRES SQUEALING]

[CRASH]

-[GASPS] The Transmatterer.

-The What's a matterer?

[CRASHING]

-Oh, no.

The Transmatterer is firing randomly.

Julien, get down.

-Oh, I will get down to this funky light show.

Hey, hey.

[DISCO MUSIC]

-Julien.

-What?

-Aah.

Julien, I don't want to alarm you,

but you're kind of invisible.

JULIEN: Of course I am invincible-- I

am the king, you know, that's how we do.

-No, no, see through.

JULIEN: See through what?

-You.

JULIEN: No, I see through you, my friend.

You are jealous of my sick mime skills.

-OK, look at yourself.

JULIEN: OK, I wi-- [CHOKING GASP] I am a vampire.

No!

[CRASH]

-The Transmatterer-- it's headed for downtown.

Don't worry, I'll be back to fix this.

JULIEN: Hey, check it out-- not here, huh.

-Lost it.

I'm going to need some help.

-Coast is clear.

No sign of skipper.

-You should just tell him.

-No.

No, this is only a minor setback.

I'm sure between the two of us, we'll

be able to find an invisible machine

randomly roaming the city.

-And where are you two going?

-Oh, um, we were just going to--

-Get some snocones.

-Snocones?

Eh, good call.

Little R&R is just what this outfit needs.

Come on, men.

Sweet summer corn!

That building just disappeared.

I know who's behind this.

-You-- you do?

-Dr. Blowhole.

This has his mad flipper prints all over it.

Not this time, blowhole-- you hear me, you bottlenosed freak?

[CHEWING]

-And just where do you think you're going?

Something's wrong with these nuts.

JULIEN: I'm saying-- they've got elephant boogies all over them

-Ahh!

JULIEN: This not being seen has it's fun side.

[CHUCKLES]

-Funny business at 12 o'clock.

[SIRENS]

-What are we going to tell Skipper?

-You mean until I think of something

that's plausible, but not the truth?

-We're onto your sick dolphin trick.

-No, Ray just up and quit.

-Just you, Blowhole.

-Kowalski, Kowalski, Kowalski.

-Private, I'm sorry for the sudden emotional outburst,

but you need to focus.

-Guh, I'm OK, now.

[CRASH]

No, I'm not.

-Look, we found the Transmatterer, so that's good.

-Right, jolly good.

-Now, I just need to get close to shut it down.

-Then that's easy peasy for you.

-No, it's not.

-Hello?

Who's messing with Joey?

JULIEN: [GIGGLES]

-Show your face.

Crikey.

JULIEN: [GIGGLES]

-Whoa, that dolphin's really kicked up the crazy.

Some sort of invisible weapon.

-Meaning that the weapon turns things invisible,

and ironically, is invisible itself.

Of course, I'm totally guessing.

-Why would Blowhole make an invisibility ray?

Disintegrating is more his thing.

-Um, who can fathom the mind of an evil genius?

Right?

-Right.

Kowalski, deranged dolphin options?

-Ooh, the bus.

-Private, that's quitter talk.

This unit does not cut and run.

-No, I say we ram it with the bus.

-You can't-- that might destroy the--

-Transportation system as we know it?

Nah, it's just one bus.

-Yo, Bada, it's my turn.

-Oh, oh.

Hey, what you do that for?

-I didn't do nothin'.

-Yo, you givin' me the business?

-Absolutely, I'm got givin' you the business.

-Somebody's givin' me the business.

-Well, it ain't me, gob of goo.

-Well then, who's givin' me the business?

JULIEN: Oh, what, have you not seen

a tyre swinging all by itself before?

[CHUCKLES]

[IGNITION]

[GRUNTS]

-Men, I won't lie to you-- the odds that we all

pull through this are less than a white Christmas

in Tallahassee.

-Florida?

-Generally warm-ish in December.

How about this-- the odds stink.

-Tell him.

-Skipper, I--

-I feel the same, Kowalski.

It's been an honour serving with you, too.

Let's roll.

Steady.

Steady.

Jump.

[GRUNTS]

[TYRES SKIDDING]

[EXPLOSION]

We've stopped Blowhole, saved the city,

and lived to tell about it.

Good on us.

[ZAPPING]

-Ah.

-Kowalski, report.

-Sounds like an overload, Skipper.

If this thing explodes, it could turn everything invisible.

-Can you defuse it?

-Well, I-- I could reverse the polarity,

making everything visible again.

But I'd need my tools, and they're

all the way back in the--

[GRUNTS]

-I knew something bad was going to happen.

-Relax, Private.

All I need to is push a series of geometrically-shaped buttons

in the right order.

Square, the triangle, yes, a hexagon, oh, and the rarest

of all, an inverted dodecahedron.

-You really know your evil Bottlenose tech

there, Kowalski.

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

JULIEN: Ooh, I am a spooky banana.

How do I float in front of your stupefied, hairy faces?

[LAUGHS] Maybe I am a magic talking fruit?

Yes, maybe.

Look.

-Yo, Bada, you see what I see?

-Silly monkey apes, nobody is seeing me.

-Hey, we ain't nobody, lemur.

-Eh, monkey apes, what are you doing?

[SHRIEKS] I'm here.

[SCREAMS]

-Look at all these safety features.

-Yes, clearly the invention itself was flawless.

-Maybe if you'd step up your game to Blowhole's level,

we could risk you back in the lab.

-Well, as it turns out--

-Turns out it's tough for you to appreciate

someone else's achievement.

I get it.

-Uh, actually, I--

--- dream of this kind of breakthrough.

Well, keep dreaming.

Maybe someday-- who knows?

-No, no, no, see, I was going to say I--

-Come on, boys.

We've earned those snocones.

-All right, let's just forget about--

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-And in conclusion, badgers are never

to be trusted, especially when they tell you

where the butterscotch lolly trees are.

Also, there's no such thing as butterscotch lolly trees.

Thank you.

-[GROWLS] Badger.

-Lights.

Get up, Kowalski.

What do you got?

-My report today is titled, Anticipating the Unexpected.

Now, if you will open your folders?

-Nice try.

I was expecting that.

-And I was expecting that you'd expect that.

See?

-Touche.

-Oh, almost forgot.

I would like to congratulate Private.

Your badger report was both insightful and riveting.

-Gee, uh, thanks.

Ah.

-Hm, he was supposed to expect that.

-Private, were you sleeping during Kowlaski's report?

-But, but, that was completely unexpected.

SKIPPER AND KOWALSKI: Precisely.

-Oooh.

-For the remainder of my presentation,

we'll need to head--

-Topside?

-Ooh, you are on your game, Skipper.

-As expected.

-Now, for this experiment, I employed the classic scientific

method-- hypothesis, observation, and conclu--

-Uh, Kowalski?

-Yes?

-You lost us at "hypothesis."

-OK, then I'll just get to the point.

This brilliant little device, which I invented, thank you,

detects the unexpected.

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

Ooh, the beeping suggests something

is about to happen to the child's ice cream.

[GIGGLING]

-Huh?

-Aw.

-Ah, but it was detected, thus, expected.

-Still sad, though.

-Science is not for the sentimental, Private.

-Well, if you can detect the unexpected, detect this.

-Argh.

[SQUAWK]

-Whoa, whoa.

[WHOOSH]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

-Oh, that's the office calling.

Sit tight while daddy takes this, will you?

Hey, Veronica.

Yeah, yeah, it's me.

Now, let's uh, run through that proposal.

I was thinking, uh--

-Well, that was certainly unexpected, Private.

-Yes, well, then I proved my point.

[BEEPING]

[GIGGLING]

[EXPLOSION]

-An explosion would indicate something catastrophic is

about to occur to that stroller and-or baby.

-My mother's maiden name was catastrophe and-or baby.

After that stroller.

-Whoa, whoa.

[GIGGLING]

[TRAFFIC NOISES]

Rico, Paul.

-Blah.

-Yeah.

[CRYING]

[EXAGGERATED MOCKING CRYING]

-Seriously, who could predict that sentimental young Private

would cause such utter devastation?

-Uh-huh.

Well, technically, it was the tyre's fault.

[CRYING]

-Well, first things first.

Kowalski, how do you suggest we quiet this little noisemaker?

-Hm, human spawn usually derive happiness from fun toys.

-Hurk, hurk, hurk.

-Let's go a little less lethal-- more baby-friendly,

like nunchuks, or brass knuckles.

-I was thinking more along the lines of a stuffed animal.

-Hurk.

[CRYING]

-Um, perhaps the little chap's crying

because he's got a soiled nappy.

-I, uh, I just assumed that was Rico.

-No.

-[GAGGING]

-Kowalski, you and I will take diaper detail.

Rico, give us some protection.

-Hurk, hurk, hurk.

-Oh.

-Private, see what you can find down below.

-Gentlemen, let's defuse this stink bomb.

-Diaper bag secured.

-Wipes.

Clean diaper.

And powder.

[GRUNTS]

[CRYING]

[LAUGHS]

-Wipes.

Clean diaper.

And powder.

[GIGGLES]

Wipes, clean diaper, powder.

[GIGGLES]

[PANTING]

-I almost lost consciousness there for a minute.

-Good work, team.

Now, let's get this tyke back to the zoo, pronto.

Commence opera--

-[GIBBERISH].

-What is is, Rico?

Talk to me, boy.

-[GIBBERISH].

-Well, that's what I was about to say-- we need to get back

to zoo for Operation Cradle and-- ahh!

Let's see your fancy unexpected detector now.

[SLUGGISH BEEPS]

-Ah.

Nothing.

-Hurk.

-Hold on, men.

[SHOUTING]

[GIGGLING]

ALL: Ow, ow, ow.

Ooh, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

-Bbbrah.

[MOANS]

-Let it out, buddy.

-Rico?

-Uh, hurk--

-Stroller at 2 o'clock-- at a construction site?

Well, that's a tad predictable.

-Uh, I don't think this is a construction site.

[BEEPING]

ALL: Ah!

-It's a demolition site.

-Never would have expected that.

[RUMBLING]

-OK.

[GASPS] The little cadet's gone MIA.

-Skipper?

[GIGGLING]

-Get him.

[GIGGLING]

Get him.

[GIGGLING]

Get him.

[GIGGLING]

Get him.

[GIGGLING]

-Hold on.

I've seen this before.

We'll continue chasing him back and forth, to and fro,

in and out, left to right, and right to left, over and under

until eventually we start to chase each other.

And of course, there's also the possibility

of a random object falling on us from the sky.

-You now how I feel about random falling objects.

-Actually, I'm not sure I do, Skipper.

-Private, extrapolate from my tone.

-Right.

-Rico?

[GIGGLING]

-Get him.

-Blah.

[GIGGLING]

Hold still so I can-- ugh.

[GIGGLING]

-There he is.

[GIGGLING]

-Uh.

ALL: [SHOUT]

[GIGGLING]

ALL: [SHOUT]

-Listen, we don't want any trouble.

-Just want to return you to your father.

-Da-da.

[GIGGLING]

-So back away from that detonator,

and no one gets hurt.

[GIGGLING]

-Ah, no.

[EXPLOSION]

[SHOUTING]

-Got you, little guy.

All right, let's take a step back,

everyone including me, nothing stupid.

[BUZZING]

BABY: Whoa.

-Yeah, I'll miss Frank.

[GIGGLING]

-OK.

The kid wins.

Now, on the bright side, he can't talk,

so no one will ever know.

-Skipper, are you suggesting that we just give up?

Kowalski?

You taught me to expect the unexpected.

But the most unexpected thing of all is us quitting.

I don't expect it, and I won't accept it.

-Your words inspire me, young Private.

We're with you.

-You are?

Yay.

-Rico, counterweight.

-Ah, hurk.

[GIGGLING]

[BUZZ]

-Whoa.

[GIGGLING]

[GASP]

-(SLOW MOTION SHOUTING) No.

[GIGGLING]

-Kowalski, options?

[GIGGLING]

-Let's go, go, go.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Good job back there, Private.

-Thanks, Skipper.

-Well, Kowalski, I guess your Unexpected Detector

was defective, as I suspected.

Oh,

-You got me there, Skipper.

-Fish from a jar, anyone?

-Ah, sure.

Argh.

And that's what keeps us sharp.

Now, let's get this little burden back to his father.

ALL: Whoa.

-Great, all right, we'll circle back

to this at the office on Monday, all right?

All right.

All right, bye-bye.

Hey, little guy, thanks for waiting.

Wow, where'd you get that?

[GIGGLING]

[BABY TALK]

-What happened to the stroller?

[GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC]