Original subtitles

And now DreamWorks The Penguins of Madagascar.

[MUSIC PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR THEME SONG]

-Cute and cuddly boys.

-I've locked in on the frequency.

[BELL RINGING ON RADIO]

MAN (ON RADIO): You know what that means.

The lucky caller wins dinner at Senior Pete's Fish Hut.

-Inputting code now.

[DIALLING ON PHONE]

MAN (ON PHONE): Sorry, you're the nineteenth caller.

Not a winner.

-(ANGRILY) Oh but 19 is a prime number.

Again!

[DIALLING ON PHONE]

MAN (ON PHONE): Sorry, we already have a winner.

[ANGRY GROWLING]

-Private!

Private, where are you?

Sound off!

-Here, Skipper.

-Easy, Private.

You took a nasty knock to the cranium.

-Sorry.

-What's your name, soldier?

-Private.

-What's your rank?

-Private.

-What's your secret hidden shake?

-(ANGRILY) Private.

-He's fine, but we've got tracks to cover.

Private, get rid of the evidence.

-Aye, Skipper.

MORT: Ouch!

[CRUNCHING]

Ouch!

[CRUNCHING]

Ouch!

[CRUNCHING]

Ouch!

[CRUNCHING]

Owwww!

This gumball is too ouchy.

-Mort, that isn't a gumball.

It's a penny.

-Oh.

[CRUNCHING]

Owwww!

[CRYING]

(CRYING) This penny is too ouchy.

-Oh, you know what you could do?

You could toss it in the fountain and make a wish.

-Oh, could I wish for gumballs?

-Oh sure, Mort.

Than someday maybe your wish will come true.

-OK.

I wish for um gumballs!

Where's my gumball?

When do I get my gumball? (ANGRILY) I want my gumball!

-Silly Mort, it doesn't happen right away.

-(MOUTH FULL) So these are not my gumballs?

[LOUD CHEWING]

PRIVATE: (EXCITEDLY) Skipper, Kowalski,

Rico, you won't believe this.

The fountain's magic and it's granting wishes!

KOWALSKI: Birthday, candles, falling

stars, coins in a fountain.

Can wishes come true?

Do our hopes and dreams materialise if we just believe?

Is it true magic in this mundane world of ours?

(EXCITEDLY) Yes!

Yes!

Oh, yes!

-No!

Science does not allow for the existence of magic.

This is a chart of lies.

-Oh Kowalski, if you'd just toss a penny in and make a wish,

you'd see.

-Oh humour the private, Kowalski.

[KOWALSKI SIGHING]

-(SADLY) Utter frivolity.

I wish for a-- oh I don't know, a full-phase plasma blaster

with repeating action and laser sights.

[WATER SPLASHING]

(SARCASTICALLY) There.

OK?

I gave up every scientific principle

I hold dear and engaged in your ridiculous little flight

of fancy.

And did I get a full-phase plasma blaster?

[CRASH]

(EXCITEDLY) Yes!

Yes, I did!

[ZAPPING]

Ah!

It's magic!

Magic!

Magic! (HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING) Magic!

-(SINGING) I told you.

I told you!

It's enchanted!

[KOWALSKI HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING]

[SLAPPING]

-Get a hold of yourself, men.

Yes, this is a wonderful magical thing we've discovered,

but it could also be the worst thing that ever happened to us.

One careless wish could lead to horrific disaster.

-Like?

-Like, I don't know, tidal waves, or earthquakes,

or exposing our entire operation to the world.

[LOADING BLASTER]

-Seems a little far fetched.

-Says the penguin holding a plasma blaster

that the magical fountain just gave him.

-Oh, fair point.

-The risks are too great, men.

So I'm limiting you all to one small wish.

Rico?

[COUGHING UP COINS]

[COIN TOSSING]

Let's see, I wish for-- oh, I don't know.

How about a fake moustache?

Something for going incognito.

[WATER SPLASHING]

-Are day boat scallops too much ask, Skipper?

-Ah, knock yourself out, Private.

[CRINGING]

-Who are you?

-What have you done with, Skipper?

[GROWLING]

-Easy boys, It's just me.

[LAUGHING]

ALL: Oh.

-Scallops please.

[WATER SPLASHING]

-Rico.

You're up.

[RICO HOOTING EXCITEDLY]

-Delicious!

[LASER ZAPPING]

KOWALSKI: Yes!

And that was only the medium setting!

Imagine what this baby can do when I jack it up to turbo!

SKIPPER: How do, stranger.

You wouldn't happen to know where

a fella could score a sarsaparilla.

-Know I don't, stranger.

But perhaps I could whip up--

-Kowalski, you fell for it again.

It's just me.

-Oh.

-Maurice, the moustache was the one

was the bossy one all along.

-Really?

Huh, never would have guessed that.

-I wonder where the penguin got such

a wonderful disguise accessory.

-Maybe the fountain.

[LAUGHING]

-Always Mort, to say the stupidest things.

How can a moustache come from a fountain?

-It's a magic fountain.

Once you make a wish, it comes true.

[BUBBLE POPPING]

-Say what, now?

-Uh-huh I wished for gumballs.

[CHOMPING]

-Hmm.

OK, OK, OK, I wish for um inline roller skates.

[WATER SPLASHING]

[LAUGHING EXCITEDLY]

Hey!

I am waiting Mr. Fountain.

Where are my roller skates that are inline?

This was a bust.

Let's go make fun of the chimpanzee--

[LOUD THUMP]

Maurice, look!

It is truth in this truthiness!

The fountain has granted my wish!

-See.

I told you.

[LOUD CHEWING]

-(EXCITEDLY) The fountain.

Just throw in a penny and it gives you things.

It's magic!

-Did he say what I think he said?

-This is a magicness unlike any have ever seen.

-Oh magic.

-This we gotta try.

-All you need is a penny.

You can't say no to that price.

-Lookout, baby.

I'm making wishes!

-Uh, I was for a new tyre swing.

-And five tonnes of bananas.

-Um, ooh, I want to go to Paris.

-A Spanish guitar, oh that plays itself.

[CLEARING THROAT]

-Noise cancelling headphones, please.

-I want a new boomy box, a secret admirer, silky pyjamas,

a straw hat so I can play hurly burly,

coffee mug that says, world's greatest king,

and a new Maurice.

[ZAPPING]

[FRIGHTENED SCREAM]

-Hey!

-Oh dear.

-Oh yeah, that's pretty macho.

But that's mooey, mooey macho.

-(FRANTICALLY) Skipper!

Skipper!

Skipper.

Oh.

Who are you?

That's a smashing good moustache, isn't it?

-Oh, I know.

So uh why are you interrupting my mirror time?

-Everyone knows about the fountain!

-Churros y chocolate!

Move out, men!

(WHINING) Aw, do we gotta?

-Rico and I were about to conduct

an important experiment.

-Fine.

Private and I will handle this.

It's worse than I thought.

Who could've let our secret slip?

-Be checking it out y'all.

I am the world's greatest hilly billy king in silky pyjamas

on skates.

-See.

KOWALSKI: Now listen, folks.

I know everyone's jazzed to get their heart's desire,

but we've got to talk about the elephant in the room

or should I say the elephant not in the room.

I'm tellin you, you keep wishing for all this stuff,

and sooner or later, someone's going to notice.

-Egads!

Alice is coming.

-Exactly my point.

-Scatter, hide, move.

-Run!

Run!

-Hey!

What are you doing out of your habitat?

-(WHISPERING) Serpentine slide.

[LOUD THUMP]

-(ANGRILY) Come back here, you!

-Aces, Private.

-(SIGHING) Whatever.

Huh, penny.

Wish I knew what the story was with those penguins.

[WATER SPLASHING]

[LOUD CRASH AND EXPLOSION]

-That uh turbo setting really packs a punch, huh, Rico?

[COUGHING]

-The penguins!

They've got a whole secret lair down there, with weapons!

I knew those penguins were up to something.

[HELICOPTER OVERHEAD]

-We've been compromised, men.

Manoeuvre, delta, tango, Victor.

Blast!

Should have gone with delta, Tango, foxtrot.

-In a startling discovery that rocks

the very understanding of human animal relations.

-I always knew something was off about those penguins.

-The penguins will be taken to a government lab

where they will be studied and painfully dissected.

That means cut into.

-Well men, all I can say is you had to try the turbo setting.

-You know I can't resist overkill.

-Don't blame Kowalski, Skipper.

This is my fault, with all the wishing business.

A wish.

Quickly, Rico give me a penny.

[SPITTING OUT PENNY]

-Only one shot, Private.

Make it count.

-I wish none of this had ever happened.

[WATER SPLASHING]

Yes!

[LOUD REWINDING]

[PRIVATE GROANING]

-Easy, Private.

You took a nasty knock to the cranium.

-Sorry.

-What's your name, soldier?

-Pri-- wait but-- but-- um, I'm back.

My wish came true.

I'm back to where it all started.

None of it ever happened!

[PRIVATE LAUGHING HAPPILY]

-Ah, what?

-No, no, Private, what really happened

was the concussion force to your brain

triggered an elaborate deluded fantasy.

-So it was all a dream?

-Absolutely.

As I said, wishes aren't real.

-You're probably right.

ooh.

-What?

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Who ate my fudgy pops?

-Not me.

-Not me neither.

-You stinky liar, Mort.

It is written all over your face,

delicious milky chocolate.

Why, Mort?

Why did you eat my fudgy pops?

-Um, April fools?

MAURICE: It's August, Mort.

April fools ain't gonna fly.

[LOUD CRASH]

-Uh, Maurice, what is this April fuels you speak of?

-You never heard of April fools?

-Well, have you ever heard of, um, January jacks?

No, you have not.

-Maybe because you just made that up.

-What?

That is so-- OK you got me there.

But Christmas Steve, he is real.

Really.

-Steve knows if I've been bad or good.

And that's creepy.

-April fools is when you pull pranks on people

and they don't get mad, because you say, April fools.

-Ooh!

I like this concept.

I will try it.

-Sorry, it only works on April 1.

-What?

Come on.

I didn't know about April foolings

until just now, you know, so I get to make up

for all of the foolings I've missed.

-(EXCITEDLY) Peanuts.

For me?

[FIRE ROARING]

BURT: Ah!

-Did I mention they are jalapeno peanuts?

Also did I mention, April Fools.

Come on, Maurice stand on the X, something

might happen, maybe a nice surprise.

You don't know.

Try it.

-(ANGRILY) No!

I'm not standing on the X!

MORT: (EXCITEDLY) I'll do it!

[LOUD CRASH]

-Oh no.

Mort!

[STRAINING]

(GRUNTING) I'm coming for you, buddy.

April fools.

[CRASH]

-Men, our intel says a two tonne shipment of Battery-fresh

Altantic Cod will pass by the zoo gates

at precisely 1400 hours.

Kowalski!

-Operation snare the cod will require study flippers, laser

like focus and, of course, a sober resolve.

JULIEN: Help!

Help!

An alligator is having me for lunch!

-That's Julien.

-Roger's gone carnivore.

Roll out, men.

What the--

-Please help!

-Ringtail!

Know

[PUNCHING AND KICKING THUMPS]

-Actually, I'm having this alligator for lunch.

-(LAUGHING) April fools.

-Wait a second here.

You just invited me over so the you could prank the penguins.

-But of course, Roger.

You didn't think I'd actually want

to dine with reptile riffraff, did you?

-I ought to eat you.

That's what I ought to do.

-Oh, that was like a double April fools.

I'm in the zone, baby.

[MUNCHING]

-Ringtail, it's not April 1.

-Silly penguin, it's always April 1 somewhere.

-You have no idea how a calendar works, do you?

-The Julian calendar, pictures of me looking adorable

on top, random numbers on the bottom.

My favourite month is julienuary.

-(LOUD SIGH) Pack it in, boys.

Where was I?

-Um, laser like focus.

-Right, right.

As I was saying, operation snare the cod will require

steady flippers, laser like focus, and a sober--

JULIEN: Help me!

Penguins!

I'm in desperate need of some genuine helping!

[GROANING]

-Whoa!

SKIPPER: (ANNOYED) Ringtail!

-Eh, April fools!

Bam!

Gotcha!

[LAUGHING]

-So help me, you prank us again and you won't see next April.

-OK, OK.

I won't call for you again unless I absolutely have to.

-(SPEAKING QUICKLY) Steady flippers,

laser like focus, and a sober-- JULIEN: Help!

Penguins!

Please!

[PENGUINS GROANING]

I'm on fire!

-It's a prank, ignore it.

-But what if it really is an emergency?

-It's not.

I'm certain.

JULIEN: Help!

This is no joke.

-90% positive.

JULIEN: (FRANTICALLY) Come quickly!

-OK, maybe 85.

JULIEN: I cannot last much longer.

-70.

[JULIEN SCREAMING]

JULIEN: Help!

-(SADLY) Let's go.

(SCEPTICALLY) Ringtail?

[CRASHING]

[LAUGHING]

-Yes!

I am on fire, with these awesome April fools pranks.

[LAUGHING]

You should see your face right now.

Oh, it's all mean and stuff, like this.

[GROWLING]

[ANGRILY GROWLING]

-That's it!

No more.

-I have prepared a counter-prank plan featuring crank calls,

itching powder, and faux vomit.

-Escalation, Kowalski?

Negatory.

That'll plan right into ringtail's sick plan.

-But, Skipper, he keeps exploiting

our altruistic instincts.

-I don't think I could help helping.

-Right you are, men.

That's why we need to begin prank resistance training.

[WHOOPEE CUSHION]

[SCREAMING]

[EXPLOSION]

[SCREAMING]

[ELECTRICAL ZAPPING]

[SQUEAKING]

-Hey!

What are you doing?

-Eh, eh, you moved.

You ruined the picture.

-The picture?

-Yeah, I tagged you with a rude drawing in permanent marker.

[LAUGHING]

It's great!

-You-- you what?

-Yeah, I call it butt-fitti.

-(ANGRILY) You are going to pay for this, lemur.

-Oh, please, Roy.

It's April fools.

I have diplomatic immunity.

-(ANGRILY) And it's not April.

SKIPPER: Men, I through every gag in the book at you,

whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, wet willies.

[SHUDDERING]

-That was my least favourite.

-But you persevered.

Congratulations.

You completed your prank resistance training.

ALL: Yay!

-I'm proud of you, boys.

You got a little shmutz there, Private.

[SLAP]

Just a friendly reminder.

Pranks can happen anytime, anyplace.

Stay frosty.

-Sorry, Skipper.

It won't happen again.

-Don't sweat it, young private.

Seriously though you got a little something.

[SLAP]

Come on, Private.

We just went over this. -Sorry, Skipper.

Sorry, sorry.

-Head in the game, man.

Now, all joking aside, a little stain right there.

[WINCING]

Private, a little stain.

[WINCING]

-Did you see the colour those chameleons turned

when I tied their tongues together?

That's the best April foolishness ever.

-OK, but maybe it's time to give it a rest.

-Eh, Maurice, I know this is hard for you

because of your bountiest bottom.

[SLAP]

But lighten up, dude.

[GROWLING]

[JULIEN SCREAMING]

[CRASH]

-Your majesty, are you all right?

-(GROANING) The bouncy is lacking the bounce.

-Someone poked a hole in it.

-But who would do such a thing to someone as beloved as me?

[METAL CLANKING]

Eek!

-Next hole I punch is through you.

-Do you suppose it was him?

-Yep, I think it was him.

-Private!

I said a little stain, right there.

[WINCING]

JULIEN: (FRANTICALLY) Penguins!

[SIGHING]

-Help me!

The Rhino!

He wants to skewer my fleshy parts.

-Why that sounds like a prank.

-What's your game this time, ringtail?

Kick me sign, the hot foot?

-Or is a refrigerator running?

-Well, if it is you better catch it.

No!

No, no.

I'm not being the April fool.

-Do we look stupid to you?

-Eh, well, your brow is a bit, uh heavy.

[CRASHING]

What?

I didn't even mention your ridiculous wings.

[METAL CLANKING]

[BLOWING KISS]

[TEETH CHATTERING]

-Roy's out to get ya.

Yeah right.

You're just pulling another mean prank on me.

-Actually, if I was pulling another prank on you,

I'd do this.

Eek!

A mouse!

-Aah!

Where!

Where's the mouse?

-(PAINFUL GROANING) Good thing I didn't do that.

[METAL CLANKING]

[FRIGHTENED SCREAMING]

Oop.

-I know you're there, lemur.

-Oh, hello.

[NERVOUS LAUGHING]

Eh, just as an aside, I'm all done with the pranks,

unless of course, it's really hilarious.

[LAUGHING]

[FORCEFUL AIR BLOWING]

All done, done.

That was true.

-You'll never play another prank again, buddy boy.

[GALLOPING]

[FEARFUL SCREAMING]

-Friendly observation, you're letting

anger dominate your life.

[GALLOPING]

Ha, ha, you cannot catch me.

All I have to do is keep running up here forever

and you will never--

[CRASHING]

[GROWLING]

I'm begging you please do not give me

the sharp end of your-- (HAPPILY) Skipper!

-Sleep grenades, fire!

[EXPLOSIONS]

[CRASHING]

Sweet dreams, friend.

Well, Ringtail, I hope you've learned your lesson.

-Yes.

I've learned that you will rescue me

no matter how jerky I am to you.

-That's not a lesson.

-Really?

Thought I had it.

Uh, then it must be a stitch in time saves nine.

-No.

That's not it either.

-OK, saves eight or 10 perhaps maybe--

PRIVATE: You're not even close.

JULIEN: Um, always-- no, wait.

Never-- no, wait.

Sometimes-- I don't-- look if you want this to be

a growing experience for me you must--

-Ringtail!

[GALLOPING]

[SCREAMING]

-Why?

Why did this happen to someone who is so young and fluffy.

And-- lush?

-April fools, Ringtail!

[LAUGHING]

Sweet switcheroo, Kowalski.

-In your Lemuring face.

-All right.

[LAUGHING]

-Got you!

[LAUGHING]

-I'm telling Christmas Steve on all of you.

-Creepy.

-Ah, felt good to turn the tables, didn't Private?

-Sure did.

Oh, you got a little stuffing there, Skipper.

-Hmm?

[SLAP]

[LAUGHING] I got you, Skipper. (EXCITED) I totally got you.

[HAPPILY LAUGHING]

In your face.

[MUSIC PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR THEME SONG]