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1
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,674
There you go.
2
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,342
I can't believe
you're already moving.
3
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,510
Yeah, I know, man.
4
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,445
I was only looking
for a few weeks.
5
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,480
I saw the broker literally
putting the sign out.
6
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,683
I double-parked and
damn near tackled him.
7
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,785
Yeah.
8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,253
Hey, you okay?
9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,954
Yeah, man, it's...
10
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,890
it's just dawning on me that...
11
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,725
we've lived together
almost our whole lives.
12
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,493
Just feels different, you know?
13
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,828
Tonight, you'll be gone.
14
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,698
And I'll be watching
Jeopardy all alone.
15
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,400
Except you don't have a TV.
16
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,535
You took the TV?! I bought that.
17
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,404
Because you broke mine.
18
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,777
Daphne hit it with a sippy cup.
19
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:38,906
That means you broke it.
20
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,841
No. Pop? Pop? Pop?
21
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,810
Tell Marty that's my TV now.
22
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,146
Why y'all arguing over it?
23
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,280
It's just stuff.
24
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,415
Man, stop being petty.
25
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,083
Man, see what you did?
26
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,419
Why is my chair in here?
27
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,522
Uh, Pop, you gave it to me.
28
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,124
No, as landlord,
29
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,858
I gave it to the house.
30
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,160
For paying tenants of the house.
31
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,563
Which, as of now,
you are no longer.
32
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,798
Oh!
33
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,401
My baby's leaving.
34
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,270
Who knows when
I'll see you again?
35
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,004
Tina, the boy is
moving to Venice Beach.
36
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,607
Which I do not get.
37
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,709
'Cause we are not beach people.
38
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,945
Who wants a baby?
39
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,281
Oh, I do, I do! Me, me, me!
40
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,082
Hi, Daphne. Hi.
41
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,285
I'll take her off
your hands. Okay.
42
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,454
So you'll take her to daycare?
43
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,655
Uh, yes, and
44
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,056
I'll meet you at the
Westside Fuse Box?
45
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,292
Okay.
46
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,594
Is that my coffee maker?
47
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,130
I wouldn't be surprised.
48
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,499
I saw him packing your
bathrobe and your Waterpik.
49
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:43,671
Well, it is not my fault our
house is full of her stuff.
50
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,608
Oh, you know, I've
been thinking, uh,
51
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,345
given that my place is gonna
have a lot more room now,
52
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,347
uh, we could simplify things
53
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,047
by perhaps collaborating on...
54
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,084
Uh, things are simple enough.
55
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,421
Don't get me wrong,
I'm enjoying our
56
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,190
beneficial friendship.
57
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,824
You know?
58
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,427
But, uh, do we really want...
59
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,695
No! No, no.
60
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,962
We-we don't, I don't.
61
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,431
I don't, I thought you did.
62
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,065
So, you know, whatever.
63
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,968
Nonstarter, right?
64
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,204
Yeah. Like...
65
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,937
We brought you a
housewarming gift.
66
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,408
Oh, look at that,
it's beautiful.
67
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,774
And-and it is so large.
68
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,844
I wanted to get
you an air fryer.
69
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,911
Nah.
70
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,515
This is so much better. Now.
71
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,317
It's delicate, so it needs
72
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,853
bright but indirect
south-easterly sunlight.
73
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,188
Also a daily misting.
74
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,289
And don't be embarrassed
to sing to it.
75
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,591
Calvin, a little R&B?
76
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:42,062
Now when the leaves
turn brown, you...
77
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,432
Load 'em up, move 'em out!
78
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,000
Let's go!
79
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,078
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
80
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,538
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
81
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,845
Yeah, isn't this
place amazing, Pop?
82
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,215
It's pre-war.
83
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,951
Did we lose?
84
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,018
Well, check out this view.
85
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Look at that.
86
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,457
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a nice view. Yeah.
87
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:12,859
But these floors are
gonna need to be patched.
88
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,429
That's $2,500.
89
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,098
Well, that's okay, because I
got a great deal on this place.
90
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,768
You know, and-and this,
uh, drop ceiling here?
91
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,470
It's got water damage.
92
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,772
That's $500, if you're lucky.
93
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,907
Okay, okay.
94
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,041
Look, fine, there are
a few issues, right?
95
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,078
But, trust me, you're
gonna love it tonight,
96
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,247
when we all get
together on my patio
97
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,383
for my "beachecue."
98
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,618
"Beachecue"? Yeah.
99
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,586
That's not a thing.
100
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,321
Oh, but a "yardecue" is?
101
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,491
My yardecue is a
30-year tradition
102
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,125
that Shaq came to.
103
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,495
That man was lost.
104
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,896
He came.
105
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,332
He had a rib.
106
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,802
Okay, fine, whatever,
but new traditions
107
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,604
have to start sometime, right?
108
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,238
Come on, and I love Venice.
109
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,107
Look, man, it's vibrant.
110
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,942
There's art everywhere.
111
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,411
And you can smell the
creativity in the air.
112
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,179
Yeah.
113
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,781
I don't know about
the creativity,
114
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,517
but I do smell the weed.
115
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,090
Oh, no.
116
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,360
N-No!
117
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:22,596
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
118
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,567
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
119
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,402
Did-did you just buy
this house? Yes, I did.
120
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,872
No! No!
121
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,273
Hey, are-are you all right?
122
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,475
No, I'm not all right!
123
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:35,776
I wanted this house!
124
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,845
I've been waiting
for the owner to die.
125
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,613
What? Now it finally happens
126
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,058
when I'm scuba diving in the
Maldives and some random person
127
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,352
swoops in off the
streets and buys it?
128
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,821
Um, okay, are-are-are
you my neighbor?
129
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,090
Yes. Bruce Hargaden. Why?
130
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,860
Why am I asking if
you're my neighbor?
131
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,828
I'm sorry, uh, am
I speaking Chinese?
132
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,897
Whoa, hold on, buddy...
It's a serious question.
133
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,431
Sometimes when I
get agitated, I...
134
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,933
slip into Mandarin and
I don't even realize it.
135
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,503
Okay.
136
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,271
I'm coming off rude, aren't I?
137
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,673
Uh, well...
138
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,640
Let me explain myself,
so you don't hate me.
139
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,042
Unfortunately,
140
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,310
I'm gonna need to knock
this place down so I can
141
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,681
build a screening
room and a gym, so...
142
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,648
I'm afraid you're gonna
have to sell it to me.
143
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,884
Oh.
144
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,553
No, I'm not.
145
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,121
But I want it.
146
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,423
But I own it.
147
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,992
Why don't you join a gym,
148
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,732
or, I don't know, go
to the movie theater?
149
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,262
Other people would be there.
150
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,032
And, I would...
where would I pee?
151
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,636
Oh, wow!
152
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:37,938
This view?
153
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,207
Malcolm, I love this place.
154
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,909
Don't get attached
because I'm buying it.
155
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,210
Oh, hold up. Yeah?
156
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,644
Are you Bruce Hargaden?
157
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,213
Yes.
158
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,215
Oh, I'm sorry.
159
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,983
Oh!
160
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,886
Oh, Malcolm, this guy's
a cybersecurity legend.
161
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,423
He created the graphic
randomizer that powers captchas.
162
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,392
Oh, those things on websites
to prove you're human?
163
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,359
Yep.
164
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,894
I hate those.
165
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,031
Big surprise, everybody does.
166
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,067
I'm so sorry you have to click
167
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,837
on three bicycles so you don't
get infected by Russian spyware.
168
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,305
My bad!
169
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,008
Ooh, that's a space!
170
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,343
No, I think it's too small.
171
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:18,579
Is it?
172
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,014
Uh... Yeah.
173
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,552
I just want to see
my baby's new home.
174
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,786
Hurry up, Dave.
175
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,020
How can I do this faster?
176
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,690
Explain it to me, Tina, please.
177
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,959
I would love to know.
178
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,096
Well...
179
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,065
I got into your crawlspace,
180
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,533
and, uh...
181
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,334
well, your foundation is fine.
182
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,771
Finally, that is good news.
183
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,410
What's the bad news, Pop?
184
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,482
Well, the salt air has
corroded your dryer vents.
185
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,416
That's gonna be 375.
186
00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,554
I know you think I don't know
what I've gotten myself into,
187
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,956
but I did my homework,
and I'm good.
188
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,591
Okay.
189
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,263
Please don't, Pop.
190
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,599
$72.
191
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,004
Oh, hey.
192
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,606
Want to help keep Venice weird?
193
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,808
Uh, maybe. Is weird good?
194
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,610
Yeah, weird is great.
195
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,577
My name's Bellamy,
I'm right next door.
196
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,379
Oh, Marty. My brother
just moved in.
197
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,280
Oh, cool. Well, it's great here.
198
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,050
I mean, I've lived in
Venice my whole life.
199
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,319
Well, I did miss my
ride home from Coachella
200
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,753
one year, so I just stayed.
201
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,656
But, eh.
202
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,658
Anyway, we're just
trying to keep the spirit
203
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,093
of Venice alive and stop
rich jerks from building
204
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,562
monstrosities like that one.
205
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,831
Oh, I actually think
that house is...
206
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,834
awful! It's a
blight on the beach.
207
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,302
See? You get it. Yeah.
208
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,004
Uh, this is a weed pen.
209
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,273
Oh, my God, I've been
looking for that.
210
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,677
Ooh, space! What?
211
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,681
"No parking Monday to
Friday 8:00 to 6:00,
212
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,815
"except holidays, two hour
parking Tuesday-Thursday
213
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,856
"10:00 to 4:00, permit
parking only after 1:00 p.m.,
214
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,954
tow away zone weekdays"?
215
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,589
Feels like that sign is a trap.
216
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,849
I'm too scared. I'm gonna
drive around the block again.
217
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:12,826
Bellamy?
218
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,563
Hi, can you and your, uh,
friend come over here?
219
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,230
I'm having a little
bit of an emergency.
220
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,267
Well, Marty, this is Matisse.
221
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,069
Hello, Marty. Can
you please hurry?
222
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,504
Your little party guest is
passed out on the couch.
223
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,206
And he's naked.
224
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,708
This is an emergency?
225
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,210
The couch is Italian suede,
226
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,479
and he's got his
junk all over it.
227
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,549
Look, and I obviously can't
have a naked dude on it
228
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,651
when the rep from Campari
gets here, please.
229
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,653
Okay, look, I-I am
a pretty smart guy,
230
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,054
but I am very confused.
231
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:44,224
Oh, you don't know
who Matisse is?
232
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,858
You don't have Instagram?
233
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,060
Of course I have Instagram.
234
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,796
You got a lame algorithm.
235
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,898
I have a healthy and
diverse algorithm.
236
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,734
Please, please, just
excuse my friend here.
237
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,337
I just really need that
guy out of our house and...
238
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,672
you're so big and strong.
239
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,077
I do cut an imposing figure.
240
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,780
You know I be... Oh, wait, no!
241
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,115
He looks way stronger.
242
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,920
I moved a chair
just like that one!
243
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,590
Uh, Marty, what the hell
are you doing over there?
244
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,761
Uh, where is the bathroom?
245
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,763
I'm pretty sure it's
not on the porch, man.
246
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,030
Why is he naked?
247
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,699
I am.
248
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,267
No wonder I'm chilly.
249
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,638
Yeah, you look chilly.
250
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,608
Where's my cardigan?
251
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,075
Your cardigan?!
252
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,111
How about you find some drawers?
253
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,615
Get dressed and kick rocks!
254
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,383
Thanks, neighbor.
255
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,552
I do what I can, you know.
256
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,723
Better get used to the
public nudity, fellas.
257
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,126
It's nearly constant.
258
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,029
Oh, hey, Bruce.
259
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,930
Thanks so much for
calling the cops
260
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,399
on our party last night.
261
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,669
To be clear, I actually
didn't call the police.
262
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,403
I called the FAA.
263
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,808
Because that one invaded
my airspace with her drone.
264
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,777
Oh, my God, Bruce!
265
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,178
You are not a country.
266
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,180
You don't have airspace.
267
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,650
So, have you guys
met your neighbor,
268
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:17,985
"Narc" Zuckerberg?
269
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,287
Yep, he wants to
tear my house down.
270
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,323
Oh, see, that is why
we need this petition.
271
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,626
This is one of the last classic
bungalows left on this beach.
272
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,887
And these tech bros just keep
273
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,830
turning them into
big metal boxes
274
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,724
to make up for their tiny... To make
up for our tiny penises, oh, yeah!
275
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,601
Yeah, how original, Bellamy.
276
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,870
Not the first time I've
heard I have a tiny penis.
277
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,009
You might want to work
on your comebacks.
278
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,847
All right, let's
see what we got.
279
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,581
Fire in the hole!
280
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,352
All right, well, something
around here works.
281
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,854
Ha ha!
282
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,823
It's a bit of a
fixer-upper, huh?
283
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,357
Yeah, you can say that again.
284
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,427
It's a bit of a
fixer-upper, huh?
285
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,797
Uh, I-I-I'm Bruce.
286
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,232
Yeah, Calvin.
287
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,200
Yeah, my son just
bought this place.
288
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,568
Bit of a money pit.
289
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:11,271
Ooh, yeah.
290
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,505
Hey, uh,
291
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,407
just thinking out
loud here, but, um,
292
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,477
what if I told you you
could turn that money pit
293
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,412
into a money pot?
294
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,650
I'm listening.
295
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,419
So, uh...
296
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,555
I'd be happy to take that
house off your hands.
297
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,391
Okay, so, uh, what
are we talking?
298
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,728
Ten percent over what he paid.
299
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,297
Okay, so we're not
talking at all.
300
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,331
Had you said 20
and no inspection,
301
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,200
I would've been
downright chatty.
302
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,369
Deal!
303
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,003
Okay.
304
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,774
Fist bump, then?
305
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,047
I got great news.
306
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,850
I just sold your house.
307
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,125
You did what?
308
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,128
Yeah, there's a guy next door...
309
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,031
crazy, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs...
310
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,133
but loaded.
311
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,335
Uh, yeah, yeah,
Bruce, I met him.
312
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:18,105
I told him I wasn't selling,
Pop, which I am not.
313
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:19,738
But, Malcolm,
314
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,142
I just solved all
your problems, man.
315
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,011
I don't need you to
solve my problems.
316
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,780
What part of "I'm not selling"
do you not understand?
317
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,551
The "I'm not selling" part.
318
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,367
Oh, no. No, no, no.
319
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,869
Absolutely not.
320
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,270
Please leave.
321
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,505
Malcolm, ah!
322
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,909
I've never been to a beachecue.
323
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,310
Congratulations! I
love this new place.
324
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,880
Funky Venice vibes.
325
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,749
Hey, listen, I am actually
glad that you are here. Um...
326
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,718
Starting to realize I might
have a little cash-flow problem.
327
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,821
So about my book?
328
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,655
I know it might be
hard to say, but...
329
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,758
when can I start
expecting royalty checks?
330
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,226
Oh, that's not hard to say.
331
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,027
Okay. Two, three years.
332
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,964
Years?
333
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,433
Oh, damn, no, I need
money sooner than that.
334
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,935
Well, have no fear.
335
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:25,238
I have fantastic news
for my favorite client.
336
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,440
Mercedes Selznick, of
the Real Housewives?
337
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,742
She has a great
idea for a YA novel
338
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,178
and needs someone to
ghostwrite it for her.
339
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,746
Well, that sounds...
340
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,282
terrible.
341
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,718
Yeah, she's an
absolute nightmare.
342
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,287
Even for a Housewife.
343
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,854
But...
344
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,925
her kids book is on the
Amazon preschool top ten.
345
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,594
Nanny Bathes You,
Mommy Loves You.
346
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,698
Yeah, Lisa, I don't think
I'm cut out for that.
347
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,466
Oh, I see. I didn't realize
348
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,668
we were still in
the integrity phase.
349
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,840
Oh, oh, there! Okay, okay, okay!
350
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,842
Okay, all right. All
right, all right.
351
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,743
Thank you, all right,
thank you, okay.
352
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,845
Move, Dave, get...
353
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,280
Thank you.
354
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,557
Where were you guys?
I thought you weren't
355
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,950
gonna make it to the beachecue.
356
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,760
Well, after spending an hour
looking for a parking spot,
357
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,552
we finally found a
valet that only charges
358
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,722
$12 every 15 minutes.
359
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:16,957
Yeah.
360
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,925
But we were still a
mile and a half away,
361
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,827
so this man gave us a ride.
362
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,463
Yeah, uh, Tina, will you
Venmo him $30, please?
363
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,465
I don't have Venmo, Dave.
364
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,169
Tina, I've had just about
enough of you today!
365
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,438
Malcolm.
366
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,606
This place? You scored.
367
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,775
Yeah, it's really a beautiful,
beautiful place, Malcolm.
368
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:39,980
But, uh, boy, parking
is... ...no picnic.
369
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,114
Oh?
370
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,050
I found a spot right out front.
371
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,119
Of course you did.
372
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,188
Congratulations!
373
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,324
Uh, hey, everybody.
374
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,826
Thank you guys so
much for coming,
375
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,262
but, uh, there's something
I need to tell everybody.
376
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,830
Oh, before you do!
377
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,366
A toast.
378
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,801
To my firstborn,
my baby Malcolm.
379
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,004
You know, seeing you here
380
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,938
in your, your new
place, it's just...
381
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,640
Uh, Ma, Ma, I'm sorry,
please, let me...
382
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,244
I've decided I'm
gonna sell this place.
383
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,880
Well, all right.
384
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,151
I'm just glad the boy's
coming to his senses, bae.
385
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,987
Malcolm, why would
you want to sell?
386
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,190
I bit off more than I can chew.
387
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,593
You know, I got my first big
paycheck, and I guess I...
388
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,529
I went crazy.
389
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,299
You know, Pop's been trying
to make me see that, and...
390
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,733
I see it now.
391
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,702
Oh, really?
392
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,806
Well, did your father
happen to mention
393
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:44,211
how he spent his
first big paycheck?
394
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,378
No.
395
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,758
What are you
talking about, Tina,
396
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,847
my acid-washed Guess jeans?
397
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,517
I didn't know you
were a Guess man, too.
398
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,419
How have we not discussed this?
399
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,487
Tell him what you
bought, Calvin.
400
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,825
I put all my money down
401
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,428
on a convertible
Chrysler LeBaron.
402
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,096
Mm.
403
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,865
And could you afford it?
404
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,600
No.
405
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,570
The payments was high as hell.
406
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105
And my dad was
riding me about it.
407
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,107
Talking about I was
being irresponsible.
408
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:17,544
Oh, so you kept your LeBaron,
409
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,213
but you're telling me
not to keep my house?
410
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,316
Look, son, it's just much
harder than you think.
411
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,851
Those payments were killing me.
412
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,853
I had to get a second job.
413
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:31,324
As a fry cook at a
Long John Silver.
414
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,427
Cats would follow me everywhere.
415
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:41,034
Okay, but-but did the
car make you happy?
416
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,635
Yeah, it did.
417
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,903
But I want better for you.
418
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,507
I don't want cats
following you around.
419
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,779
I appreciate that, Pop, but
this house is my LeBaron.
420
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,782
This is a fleet of LeBarons.
421
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,619
Yeah, it is, and you know what?
422
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,720
This time I'm going
to do as you do,
423
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,656
and not as you say.
424
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,594
Lisa, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
425
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,996
Get me a meeting with
that Real Housewife.
426
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,132
Already did. Tuesday at 11:00.
427
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,734
Whoa, whoa, wait a
minute, come, come...
428
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,736
Uh, so, uh...
429
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,237
which Housewife?
430
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,972
Mercedes Selznick.
431
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,774
I love her! She's evil!
432
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,311
What?
433
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,127
Hate to be the one that's doing
all the counting around here,
434
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,919
but that's 1,500 right there.
435
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,729
Aw. Look at our Malcolm.
436
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,964
All grown up.
437
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,168
And has been since the
first Obama administration.
438
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,237
All right, all right.
439
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,638
I've got a case of free tequila
440
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,507
in limited-edition
skull bottles.
441
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:55,708
Ooh!
442
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,744
I think I like
your new neighbors.
443
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,280
Oh, hey. Oh!
444
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,316
My hero. You really
saved me today.
445
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,984
You know, I try.
446
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,854
I'm sorry, uh, what's
this all about?
447
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,022
Hi! You are?
448
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,392
I'm Courtney.
449
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,428
I'm the mother of
your hero's child.
450
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,331
I thought you were single.
451
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,635
I am single, technically.
452
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,604
Uh, uh...
453
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,673
uh, what-what was the
term you used, Courtney?
454
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,109
A "beneficial friendship"
is what it is.
455
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,911
Well, uh...
456
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,547
here's one of the benefits.
457
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:54,167
Damn, bro, I heard
y'all's teeth clink.
458
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,204
Yeah, you did. My man.
459
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:00,773
Oh, hey. Hey!
460
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:01,907
Oh, hey.
461
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,709
No, hey, hey, excuse me.
462
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,245
Bruce, right? Yeah, yeah?
463
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,878
Oh, my gosh, you know,
I've just got to tell you,
464
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,415
I love doing the captchas.
465
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,951
Ah, great. Yeah, just-just
fun little puzzles.
466
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,752
And not to brag, but, uh,
467
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,356
I always get them first try.
468
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,225
Congratulations,
you're not a robot.
469
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,830
So, uh, I got it.
470
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,063
Cashier's check.
471
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,133
Oh, for what? Oh,
oh, for your house.
472
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,669
I told you I'm buying
your house. Oh, no, no.
473
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,070
I am staying.
474
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,904
But we had a deal.
475
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,107
No. I-I almost shook
your dad's hand!
476
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,643
We-we pounded each other!
477
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,277
No, whoa, whoa! We did.
478
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,879
You know we did.
Okay, okay, okay.
479
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,349
You know what, look,
I-I'm so sorry.
480
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,284
You guys are all so
lovely, but Bruce is here.
481
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,619
And we just, we don't
party with narcs.
482
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,521
Oh, yeah, it's not cool.
483
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,022
Well, well, I don't
484
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,824
party, period.
485
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,560
Oh, burn!
486
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,328
That's a sick burn
and you know it is!
487
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,962
You can't give it
up. Oh, it's...
488
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,998
Okay! Okay!
489
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,701
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
490
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,135
Listen, we are neighbors.
491
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,738
And we are going to
act like neighbors.
492
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,540
That's how it is where I'm from.
493
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,141
That is how it's
going to be here.
494
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,011
So everybody please just
495
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,381
grab a burger.
496
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,217
Grab a damn burger, I said!
497
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,692
Wow.
498
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,694
He sounds like his daddy.
499
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,062
Yeah, he sounds rude as hell.
500
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,931
I've never been prouder.
501
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,736
C-Calvin? Yeah.
502
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,106
Is it just me, or is that
Bruce guy kind of a lot?
503
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,883
Captioning sponsored by CBS
504
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,753
and TOYOTA.
505
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,424
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
34624
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