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1
00:00:03,925 --> 00:00:05,560
(both grunt)
2
00:00:05,694 --> 00:00:06,695
There you go.
3
00:00:06,828 --> 00:00:08,363
I can't believe
you're already moving.
4
00:00:08,497 --> 00:00:09,531
Yeah, I know, man.
5
00:00:09,664 --> 00:00:11,466
I was only looking
for a few weeks.
6
00:00:11,566 --> 00:00:13,502
I saw the broker literally
putting the sign out.
7
00:00:13,568 --> 00:00:15,704
I double-parked and
damn near tackled him.
8
00:00:15,804 --> 00:00:17,806
(chuckles):
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,906 --> 00:00:19,274
Hey, you okay?
10
00:00:19,374 --> 00:00:20,975
Yeah, man, it's...
11
00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:22,911
it's just dawning on me that...
12
00:00:23,011 --> 00:00:24,746
we've lived together
almost our whole lives.
13
00:00:24,846 --> 00:00:26,515
Just feels different,
you know?
14
00:00:26,581 --> 00:00:27,849
Tonight, you'll be gone.
15
00:00:27,949 --> 00:00:30,719
And I'll be watching Jeopardy
all alone.
16
00:00:30,819 --> 00:00:32,421
Except you don't
have a TV.
17
00:00:32,521 --> 00:00:34,556
You took the TV?! I bought that.
18
00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:36,425
Because you broke mine.
19
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:37,759
Daphne hit it with a sippy cup.
20
00:00:37,859 --> 00:00:38,927
That means
you broke it.
21
00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:40,562
(indistinct arguing)
22
00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:41,863
No. Pop? Pop? Pop?
23
00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:43,832
Tell Marty
that's my TV now.
24
00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:45,167
Why y'all arguing
over it?
25
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:46,301
It's just stuff.
26
00:00:46,401 --> 00:00:47,436
Man, stop being petty.
27
00:00:47,536 --> 00:00:49,104
Man, see what you did?
28
00:00:49,238 --> 00:00:51,440
Why is my chair in here?
29
00:00:52,841 --> 00:00:54,543
Uh, Pop, you gave it to me.
30
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:56,145
No, as landlord,
31
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:57,879
I gave it
to the house.
32
00:00:57,979 --> 00:01:00,182
For paying tenants of the house.
33
00:01:00,249 --> 00:01:02,584
Which, as of now,
you are no longer.
34
00:01:02,684 --> 00:01:04,819
Oh!
35
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:07,422
My baby's leaving.
36
00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,291
Who knows
when I'll see you again?
37
00:01:09,424 --> 00:01:12,026
Tina, the boy is moving
to Venice Beach.
38
00:01:12,093 --> 00:01:13,628
Which I do not get.
39
00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:15,730
'Cause we are not beach people.
40
00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:17,966
Who wants a baby?
41
00:01:18,066 --> 00:01:20,302
Oh, I do, I do!
Me, me, me!
42
00:01:20,402 --> 00:01:22,103
Hi, Daphne.
Hi.
43
00:01:22,237 --> 00:01:24,306
I'll take her off your hands.
Okay.
44
00:01:24,406 --> 00:01:26,475
So you'll
take her to daycare?
45
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:27,676
Uh, yes, and
46
00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:30,078
I'll meet you
at the Westside Fuse Box?
47
00:01:30,145 --> 00:01:31,313
Okay.
48
00:01:32,147 --> 00:01:33,615
Is that my coffee maker?
49
00:01:34,916 --> 00:01:36,151
I wouldn't be surprised.
50
00:01:36,285 --> 00:01:38,520
I saw him packing your bathrobe
and your Waterpik.
51
00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:43,691
Well, it is not my fault
our house is full of her stuff.
52
00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:47,629
Oh, you know,
I've been thinking, uh,
53
00:01:47,729 --> 00:01:51,366
given that my place is gonna
have a lot more room now,
54
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:53,368
uh, we could simplify things
55
00:01:53,468 --> 00:01:55,069
by perhaps
collaborating on--
56
00:01:55,136 --> 00:01:57,105
Uh, things are simple enough.
57
00:01:57,905 --> 00:02:00,442
Don't get me wrong,
I'm enjoying our
58
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:02,211
beneficial friendship.
59
00:02:02,311 --> 00:02:03,845
You know? (laughs)
60
00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:06,447
But, uh, do we really want--
61
00:02:06,548 --> 00:02:07,716
No! No, no.
62
00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:08,982
We-we don't, I don't.
63
00:02:09,117 --> 00:02:11,453
I don't,
I thought you did.
64
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,087
So, you know, whatever.
65
00:02:13,154 --> 00:02:14,989
Nonstarter, right?
66
00:02:15,089 --> 00:02:16,225
Yeah.
Like...
67
00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:17,959
We brought you
a housewarming gift.
68
00:02:18,026 --> 00:02:20,429
Oh, look at that,
it's beautiful.
69
00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:21,796
And-and it is so large.
70
00:02:21,862 --> 00:02:23,865
I wanted to get you
an air fryer.
71
00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:24,933
Nah.
72
00:02:24,999 --> 00:02:27,536
This is so much better. Now.
73
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,338
It's delicate,
so it needs
74
00:02:29,471 --> 00:02:32,874
bright but indirect
south-easterly sunlight.
75
00:02:32,974 --> 00:02:34,209
Also a daily misting.
76
00:02:34,343 --> 00:02:36,311
And don't be embarrassed
to sing to it.
77
00:02:36,378 --> 00:02:38,612
Calvin, a little R&B?
78
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,083
Now when the leaves
turn brown, you-- (gasps)
79
00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,454
Load 'em up, move 'em out!
80
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,021
Let's go!
81
00:02:47,155 --> 00:02:49,023
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
82
00:02:49,123 --> 00:02:50,559
* Welcome to the hood. *
83
00:02:56,498 --> 00:02:58,867
Yeah, isn't
this place amazing, Pop?
84
00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:01,236
It's pre-war.
85
00:03:01,336 --> 00:03:03,972
Did we lose?
86
00:03:04,739 --> 00:03:06,040
Well, check out this view.
87
00:03:06,107 --> 00:03:07,542
Look at that.
88
00:03:07,642 --> 00:03:09,478
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a nice view.
Yeah.
89
00:03:09,578 --> 00:03:12,881
But these floors are gonna
need to be patched.
90
00:03:12,947 --> 00:03:15,450
That's $2,500.
91
00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,119
Well, that's okay, because I got
a great deal on this place.
92
00:03:18,219 --> 00:03:20,789
You know, and-and this,
uh, drop ceiling here?
93
00:03:20,922 --> 00:03:22,491
It's got water damage.
94
00:03:22,591 --> 00:03:24,793
That's $500, if you're lucky.
95
00:03:24,893 --> 00:03:26,928
Okay, okay.
96
00:03:27,028 --> 00:03:29,063
Look, fine, there are
a few issues, right?
97
00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:31,099
But, trust me,
you're gonna love it tonight,
98
00:03:31,232 --> 00:03:33,268
when we all get together
on my patio
99
00:03:33,368 --> 00:03:35,404
for my "beachecue."
100
00:03:35,504 --> 00:03:37,639
"Beachecue"?
Yeah.
101
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,607
That's not a thing.
102
00:03:38,707 --> 00:03:40,342
Oh, but a "yardecue" is?
103
00:03:40,442 --> 00:03:43,512
My yardecue is
a 30-year tradition
104
00:03:43,612 --> 00:03:45,146
that Shaq came to.
105
00:03:45,246 --> 00:03:47,516
That man was lost.
106
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:49,918
He came.
107
00:03:49,984 --> 00:03:51,353
He had a rib.
108
00:03:51,453 --> 00:03:52,721
(scoffs)
109
00:03:52,787 --> 00:03:54,823
Okay, fine, whatever,
but new traditions
110
00:03:54,956 --> 00:03:56,624
have to start sometime,
right?
111
00:03:56,725 --> 00:03:58,259
Come on,
and I love Venice.
112
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,128
Look, man, it's vibrant.
113
00:04:00,228 --> 00:04:01,963
There's art everywhere.
114
00:04:02,063 --> 00:04:04,433
And you can smell
the creativity in the air.
115
00:04:04,499 --> 00:04:06,200
Yeah. (sniffs)
116
00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:07,802
I don't know about
the creativity,
117
00:04:07,902 --> 00:04:09,538
but I do smell the weed.
118
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:18,045
Oh, no.
119
00:04:18,146 --> 00:04:19,381
(knocking on window)
N-No!
120
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,617
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
121
00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:26,588
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
122
00:04:26,688 --> 00:04:29,424
Did-did you just buy this house?
Yes, I did.
123
00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:31,893
No! No!
124
00:04:31,993 --> 00:04:33,294
Hey, are-are you all right?
125
00:04:33,395 --> 00:04:34,496
No, I'm not all right!
126
00:04:34,629 --> 00:04:35,797
I wanted this house!
127
00:04:35,897 --> 00:04:37,866
I've been waiting
for the owner to die.
128
00:04:37,999 --> 00:04:39,634
What?
Now it finally happens
129
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:42,003
when I'm scuba diving in the
Maldives and some random person
130
00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:44,373
swoops in off the streets
and buys it?
131
00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:47,842
Um, okay, are-are-are you
my neighbor?
132
00:04:47,976 --> 00:04:50,111
Yes. Bruce Hargaden. Why?
133
00:04:50,211 --> 00:04:52,881
Why am I asking
if you're my neighbor?
134
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:54,849
I'm sorry, uh,
am I speaking Chinese?
135
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,918
Whoa, hold on, buddy--
It's a serious question.
136
00:04:57,018 --> 00:04:58,453
Sometimes
when I get agitated, I...
137
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,955
slip into Mandarin
and I don't even realize it.
138
00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:02,524
Okay.
139
00:05:02,624 --> 00:05:04,292
I'm coming off rude, aren't I?
140
00:05:04,393 --> 00:05:05,694
Uh, well...
141
00:05:05,794 --> 00:05:07,662
Let me explain myself,
so you don't hate me.
142
00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:09,063
Unfortunately,
143
00:05:09,163 --> 00:05:11,332
I'm gonna need to knock
this place down so I can
144
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,702
build a screening room
and a gym, so... (chuckles)
145
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,670
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to sell it to me.
146
00:05:15,737 --> 00:05:16,905
Oh. (laughs)
147
00:05:17,005 --> 00:05:18,407
(laughing)
148
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:19,574
No, I'm not.
149
00:05:19,708 --> 00:05:21,142
But I want it.
150
00:05:21,242 --> 00:05:22,444
But I own it.
151
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,013
Why don't you join a gym,
152
00:05:25,113 --> 00:05:26,748
or, I don't know,
go to the movie theater?
153
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,283
Other people would be there.
154
00:05:29,384 --> 00:05:32,053
And, I would...
where would I pee?
155
00:05:34,555 --> 00:05:36,658
(chuckles)
Oh, wow!
156
00:05:36,725 --> 00:05:37,959
This view?
157
00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:40,228
Malcolm, I love this place.
(stammers)
158
00:05:40,328 --> 00:05:41,930
Don't get attached
because I'm buying it.
159
00:05:42,063 --> 00:05:43,231
Oh, hold up.
Yeah?
160
00:05:43,364 --> 00:05:44,666
Are you
Bruce Hargaden?
161
00:05:44,733 --> 00:05:46,234
Yes.
(laughing)
162
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,236
Oh, I'm sorry.
163
00:05:48,336 --> 00:05:50,004
Oh!
164
00:05:50,103 --> 00:05:52,907
Oh, Malcolm, this guy's
a cybersecurity legend.
165
00:05:53,007 --> 00:05:55,444
He created the graphic
randomizer that powers captchas.
166
00:05:55,577 --> 00:05:58,413
Oh, those things on websites
to prove you're human?
167
00:05:58,547 --> 00:05:59,380
Yep.
168
00:05:59,481 --> 00:06:00,915
(chuckles)
I hate those.
169
00:06:02,951 --> 00:06:05,053
Big surprise,
everybody does.
170
00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:07,088
I'm so sorry
you have to click
171
00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:10,859
on three bicycles so you don't
get infected by Russian spyware.
172
00:06:10,925 --> 00:06:12,326
My bad!
173
00:06:13,695 --> 00:06:15,029
Ooh, that's a space!
174
00:06:15,129 --> 00:06:17,365
No, I think
it's too small.
175
00:06:17,432 --> 00:06:18,600
Is it?
176
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,035
Uh...
Yeah.
177
00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:24,573
I just want to see
my baby's new home.
178
00:06:24,673 --> 00:06:25,807
Hurry up, Dave.
179
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:28,042
(stammers) How can
I do this faster?
180
00:06:28,109 --> 00:06:29,711
Explain it to me,
Tina, please.
181
00:06:29,811 --> 00:06:31,980
I would love to know.
(car horn honking)
182
00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:36,117
Well...
183
00:06:36,217 --> 00:06:38,086
I got into
your crawlspace,
184
00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:39,554
and, uh...
185
00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:41,355
well, your foundation
is fine.
186
00:06:41,456 --> 00:06:43,792
Finally, that is good news.
187
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,393
(scoffs)
188
00:06:49,498 --> 00:06:51,432
What's the bad news, Pop?
189
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,503
Well, the salt air has corroded
your dryer vents.
190
00:06:54,603 --> 00:06:56,437
That's gonna be 375.
191
00:06:57,204 --> 00:07:00,575
I know you think I don't know
what I've gotten myself into,
192
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:02,977
but I did my homework,
and I'm good.
193
00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:04,613
Okay.
194
00:07:04,679 --> 00:07:06,481
(shouts)
195
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,284
Please don't, Pop.
196
00:07:10,384 --> 00:07:11,620
$72.
197
00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:17,025
Oh, hey.
198
00:07:17,158 --> 00:07:18,627
Want to help keep Venice weird?
199
00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:20,829
Uh, maybe.
Is weird good?
200
00:07:20,929 --> 00:07:22,631
Yeah, weird is great.
201
00:07:22,731 --> 00:07:24,599
My name's Bellamy,
I'm right next door.
202
00:07:24,666 --> 00:07:26,400
Oh, Marty.
My brother just moved in.
203
00:07:26,501 --> 00:07:28,302
Oh, cool. Well, it's great here.
204
00:07:28,369 --> 00:07:30,071
I mean, I've lived
in Venice my whole life.
205
00:07:30,171 --> 00:07:32,340
Well, I did miss
my ride home from Coachella
206
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,775
one year, so I just stayed.
207
00:07:33,842 --> 00:07:35,677
But, eh.
208
00:07:35,777 --> 00:07:37,679
Anyway, we're just trying
to keep the spirit
209
00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:40,114
of Venice alive and stop
rich jerks from building
210
00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:41,583
monstrosities
like that one.
211
00:07:41,683 --> 00:07:43,852
Oh, I actually think
that house is...
212
00:07:43,952 --> 00:07:46,855
awful!
It's a blight on the beach.
213
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,323
See? You get it.
Yeah.
214
00:07:49,423 --> 00:07:51,025
Uh, this is a weed pen.
215
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,294
Oh, my God,
I've been looking for that.
216
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,698
Ooh, space!
What?
217
00:07:57,599 --> 00:08:00,702
"No parking Monday to Friday
218
00:08:00,802 --> 00:08:02,837
"except holidays, two hour
parking Tuesday-Thursday
219
00:08:02,904 --> 00:08:04,806
"10:00 to 4:00, permit parking
only after 1:00 p.m.,
220
00:08:04,906 --> 00:08:06,975
tow away zone
weekdays"?
221
00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:08,610
Feels like that sign is a trap.
222
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,411
I'm too scared. I'm gonna drive
around the block again.
223
00:08:11,713 --> 00:08:12,847
Bellamy?
224
00:08:13,447 --> 00:08:15,584
Hi, can you and your, uh,
friend come over here?
225
00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:17,251
I'm having a little bit
of an emergency.
226
00:08:17,385 --> 00:08:20,288
Well, Marty, this is Matisse.
227
00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:22,090
Hello, Marty.
Can you please hurry?
228
00:08:22,223 --> 00:08:24,525
Your little party guest
is passed out on the couch.
229
00:08:24,626 --> 00:08:26,227
And he's naked.
230
00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:27,728
This is an emergency?
231
00:08:27,829 --> 00:08:30,231
The couch is Italian suede,
232
00:08:30,364 --> 00:08:32,500
and he's got
his junk all over it.
233
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,570
Look, and I obviously
can't have a naked dude on it
234
00:08:35,670 --> 00:08:37,671
when the rep from Campari
gets here, please.
235
00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:39,674
Okay, look, I-I am
a pretty smart guy,
236
00:08:39,774 --> 00:08:41,075
but I am very confused.
237
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:44,245
Oh, you don't know
who Matisse is?
238
00:08:44,378 --> 00:08:45,880
You don't have Instagram?
239
00:08:45,947 --> 00:08:47,081
Of course
I have Instagram.
240
00:08:47,181 --> 00:08:48,817
You got a lame algorithm.
241
00:08:48,917 --> 00:08:50,919
I have a healthy and
diverse algorithm.
242
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,755
Please, please,
just excuse my friend here.
243
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:57,358
I just really need
that guy out of our house and...
244
00:08:57,458 --> 00:08:59,694
you're so big and strong.
245
00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:01,796
(chuckles)
246
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:04,098
I do cut an imposing figure.
247
00:09:04,198 --> 00:09:06,801
You know I be...
Oh, wait, no!
248
00:09:06,935 --> 00:09:08,136
He looks way stronger.
249
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:12,941
I moved a chair
just like that one!
250
00:09:14,175 --> 00:09:16,611
Uh, Marty, what the hell
are you doing over there?
251
00:09:18,579 --> 00:09:20,782
Uh, where is the bathroom?
252
00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,784
I'm pretty sure
it's not on the porch, man.
253
00:09:22,884 --> 00:09:24,052
Why is he naked?
254
00:09:24,118 --> 00:09:25,720
I am.
255
00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,288
No wonder I'm chilly.
256
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:28,890
(chuckles)
257
00:09:28,957 --> 00:09:30,659
Yeah, you look chilly.
258
00:09:32,794 --> 00:09:34,629
Where's my cardigan?
259
00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:36,097
Your cardigan?!
260
00:09:36,164 --> 00:09:38,132
How about you find
some drawers?
261
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,636
Get dressed and kick rocks!
262
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:43,404
Thanks, neighbor.
263
00:09:44,238 --> 00:09:45,573
I do what I can, you know.
264
00:09:45,674 --> 00:09:47,909
(muttering)
265
00:09:47,976 --> 00:09:50,745
Better get used
to the public nudity, fellas.
266
00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:53,147
(chuckles)
It's nearly constant.
267
00:09:54,749 --> 00:09:56,050
Oh, hey, Bruce.
268
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:57,952
Thanks so much
for calling the cops
269
00:09:58,019 --> 00:09:59,420
on our party last night.
270
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,690
To be clear, I actually
didn't call the police.
271
00:10:01,823 --> 00:10:03,424
(chuckles)
I called the FAA.
272
00:10:03,524 --> 00:10:07,829
Because that one invaded
my airspace with her drone.
273
00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:09,798
Oh, my God, Bruce!
274
00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:11,199
You are not a country.
275
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,201
You don't have airspace.
276
00:10:14,669 --> 00:10:16,671
So, have you guys
met your neighbor,
277
00:10:16,771 --> 00:10:18,006
"Narc" Zuckerberg?
278
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:21,309
Yep, he wants
to tear my house down.
279
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:23,344
Oh, see, that is why
we need this petition.
280
00:10:23,477 --> 00:10:26,647
This is one of the last classic
bungalows left on this beach.
281
00:10:26,748 --> 00:10:27,882
And these tech bros just keep
282
00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:29,851
turning them
into big metal boxes
283
00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,721
to make up for their tiny--
To make up
for our tiny penises, oh, yeah!
284
00:10:32,821 --> 00:10:34,622
Yeah, how original,
Bellamy.
285
00:10:34,723 --> 00:10:36,891
Not the first time I've heard
I have a tiny penis.
286
00:10:36,991 --> 00:10:38,526
(chuckles)
287
00:10:39,994 --> 00:10:42,030
You might want to work
on your comebacks.
288
00:10:43,865 --> 00:10:46,868
All right,
let's see what we got.
289
00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:48,602
Fire in the hole!
290
00:10:49,738 --> 00:10:52,373
All right, well,
something around here works.
291
00:10:52,473 --> 00:10:53,875
Ha ha!
292
00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:55,844
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
293
00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:57,378
Yeah, you can say that again.
294
00:10:57,478 --> 00:11:00,448
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
295
00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:03,818
Uh, I-I-I'm Bruce.
296
00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:05,253
Yeah, Calvin.
297
00:11:05,353 --> 00:11:07,221
Yeah, my son just bought
this place.
298
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:08,589
Bit of a money pit.
299
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:11,292
Ooh, yeah. (laughs)
300
00:11:11,392 --> 00:11:12,526
Hey, uh,
301
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:14,428
just thinking
out loud here, but, um,
302
00:11:14,562 --> 00:11:17,498
what if I told you
you could turn that money pit
303
00:11:17,598 --> 00:11:19,433
into a money pot?
304
00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:23,671
I'm listening.
305
00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:26,440
So, uh...
306
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,576
I'd be happy to take
that house off your hands.
307
00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:31,412
Okay, so, uh,
what are we talking?
308
00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,749
Ten percent over what he paid.
309
00:11:34,849 --> 00:11:37,318
Okay, so we're
not talking at all.
310
00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:39,353
Had you said 20
and no inspection,
311
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,222
I would've been
downright chatty.
312
00:11:41,289 --> 00:11:42,390
Deal!
313
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,025
Okay.
314
00:11:44,092 --> 00:11:46,795
(stammers)
Fist bump, then?
315
00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:55,069
I got great news.
316
00:11:55,136 --> 00:11:56,871
I just sold your house.
317
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:06,114
You did what?
318
00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:08,149
Yeah, there's a guy next door--
319
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:11,052
crazy, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs--
320
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:13,154
but loaded.
321
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:15,356
Uh, yeah, yeah,
Bruce, I met him.
322
00:12:15,456 --> 00:12:18,126
I told him I wasn't selling,
Pop, which I am not.
323
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:19,760
But, Malcolm,
324
00:12:19,828 --> 00:12:22,163
I just solved
all your problems, man.
325
00:12:22,296 --> 00:12:24,032
I don't need you
to solve my problems.
326
00:12:24,132 --> 00:12:26,801
What part of "I'm not selling"
do you not understand?
327
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:31,572
The "I'm not selling" part.
328
00:12:37,846 --> 00:12:40,048
*
329
00:12:45,053 --> 00:12:47,388
Oh, no. No, no, no.
330
00:12:47,488 --> 00:12:48,890
Absolutely not.
331
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,291
Please leave.
332
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,527
Malcolm, ah!
333
00:12:53,594 --> 00:12:55,930
I've never been
to a beachecue.
334
00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:58,332
Congratulations!
I love this new place.
335
00:12:58,399 --> 00:12:59,901
Funky Venice vibes.
336
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:02,770
Hey, listen, I am actually glad
that you are here. Um...
337
00:13:02,904 --> 00:13:05,739
Starting to realize I might have
a little cash-flow problem.
338
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,842
So about my book?
339
00:13:07,942 --> 00:13:09,677
I know it might be
hard to say, but...
340
00:13:09,743 --> 00:13:11,779
when can I start expecting
royalty checks?
341
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,247
Oh, that's not hard to say.
342
00:13:13,347 --> 00:13:15,049
Okay.
Two, three years.
343
00:13:15,116 --> 00:13:16,985
Years?
344
00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:20,454
Oh, damn, no, I need money
sooner than that.
345
00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:21,956
Well, have no fear.
346
00:13:22,056 --> 00:13:25,259
I have fantastic news
for my favorite client.
347
00:13:25,359 --> 00:13:27,461
Mercedes Selznick,
of the Real Housewives?
348
00:13:27,561 --> 00:13:29,763
She has a great idea
for a YA novel
349
00:13:29,864 --> 00:13:32,200
and needs someone
to ghostwrite it for her.
350
00:13:32,266 --> 00:13:33,767
Well, that sounds...
351
00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:35,303
terrible.
352
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,739
Yeah,
she's an absolute nightmare.
353
00:13:38,839 --> 00:13:40,308
Even for a Housewife.
354
00:13:40,441 --> 00:13:41,876
But...
355
00:13:41,943 --> 00:13:44,946
her kids book is
on the Amazon preschool top ten.
356
00:13:45,046 --> 00:13:47,615
Nanny Bathes You,
Mommy Loves You.
357
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:51,719
Yeah, Lisa, I don't think
I'm cut out for that.
358
00:13:51,819 --> 00:13:53,487
Oh, I see. I didn't realize
359
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:55,689
we were still
in the integrity phase.
360
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,492
(reggae music playing)
361
00:13:58,592 --> 00:14:00,861
Oh, oh, there! Okay, okay, okay!
362
00:14:00,962 --> 00:14:02,863
Okay, all right.
All right, all right.
363
00:14:02,964 --> 00:14:04,765
Thank you, all right,
thank you, okay.
364
00:14:04,832 --> 00:14:05,866
Move, Dave, get--
365
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,301
(groans)
Thank you.
366
00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:08,502
Where were you guys?
I thought you weren't
367
00:14:08,602 --> 00:14:09,971
gonna make it to the beachecue.
368
00:14:10,104 --> 00:14:11,672
Well, after spending an hour
looking for a parking spot,
369
00:14:11,805 --> 00:14:13,574
we finally found
a valet that only charges
370
00:14:13,641 --> 00:14:15,743
$12 every 15 minutes.
371
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:16,978
Yeah.
372
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,947
But we were still
a mile and a half away,
373
00:14:19,013 --> 00:14:20,848
so this man
gave us a ride.
374
00:14:20,982 --> 00:14:23,484
Yeah, uh, Tina,
will you Venmo him $30, please?
375
00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:25,486
I don't have
Venmo, Dave.
376
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:29,190
Tina, I've had just about
enough of you today!
377
00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:32,460
Malcolm.
378
00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:34,628
This place?
You scored.
379
00:14:34,695 --> 00:14:36,797
Yeah, it's really a beautiful,
beautiful place, Malcolm.
380
00:14:36,864 --> 00:14:40,001
But, uh, boy, parking is...
(chuckles) ...no picnic.
381
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:41,135
Oh?
382
00:14:41,235 --> 00:14:43,071
I found a spot
right out front.
383
00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:46,140
Of course you did.
384
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,209
Congratulations!
385
00:14:49,843 --> 00:14:51,345
Uh, hey, everybody.
386
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:53,847
Thank you guys
so much for coming,
387
00:14:53,948 --> 00:14:56,284
but, uh, there's something
I need to tell everybody.
388
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:57,851
Oh, before you do!
389
00:14:57,952 --> 00:14:59,387
A toast.
390
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:01,822
To my firstborn,
my baby Malcolm.
391
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:04,025
You know, seeing you here
392
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:05,960
in your, your new place,
it's just--
393
00:15:06,027 --> 00:15:08,662
Uh, Ma, Ma, I'm sorry,
please, let me...
394
00:15:08,729 --> 00:15:11,265
I've decided
I'm gonna sell this place.
395
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,901
Well, all right.
396
00:15:14,969 --> 00:15:18,172
I'm just glad the boy's
coming to his senses, bae.
397
00:15:19,173 --> 00:15:21,009
Malcolm,
why would you want to sell?
398
00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:23,211
I bit off more than I can chew.
399
00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:26,614
You know, I got my first
big paycheck, and I guess I--
400
00:15:27,648 --> 00:15:29,550
I went crazy.
401
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:32,320
You know, Pop's been trying
to make me see that, and...
402
00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:33,754
I see it now.
403
00:15:33,887 --> 00:15:35,723
Oh, really?
404
00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:40,828
Well, did your father
happen to mention
405
00:15:40,894 --> 00:15:44,232
how he spent his
first big paycheck?
406
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:45,399
No.
407
00:15:45,499 --> 00:15:46,767
What are you talking
about, Tina,
408
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,869
my acid-washed Guess jeans?
409
00:15:48,936 --> 00:15:50,538
I didn't know you were
a Guess man, too.
410
00:15:50,638 --> 00:15:52,440
How have we not discussed this?
411
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:55,509
Tell him
what you bought, Calvin.
412
00:15:55,576 --> 00:15:57,045
(sighs)
413
00:15:57,111 --> 00:15:58,846
I put all my money down
414
00:15:58,946 --> 00:16:01,449
on a convertible
Chrysler LeBaron.
415
00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:03,117
Mm.
416
00:16:03,917 --> 00:16:05,886
And could you afford it?
417
00:16:05,986 --> 00:16:07,621
No.
418
00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:10,591
The payments was high as hell.
419
00:16:10,691 --> 00:16:12,126
And my dad was riding me
about it.
420
00:16:12,226 --> 00:16:14,128
Talking about I was being
irresponsible.
421
00:16:14,262 --> 00:16:17,565
Oh, so you kept
your LeBaron,
422
00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:20,234
but you're telling me not
to keep my house?
423
00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:23,337
Look, son, it's just much
harder than you think.
424
00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:25,873
Those payments
were killing me.
425
00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:27,875
I had to get
a second job.
426
00:16:27,941 --> 00:16:31,345
As a fry cook at
a Long John Silver.
427
00:16:32,546 --> 00:16:34,448
Cats would follow
me everywhere.
428
00:16:37,885 --> 00:16:41,055
Okay, but-but did the car
make you happy?
429
00:16:41,155 --> 00:16:42,656
Yeah, it did.
430
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:44,925
But I want
better for you.
431
00:16:44,992 --> 00:16:47,528
I don't want cats
following you around.
432
00:16:49,597 --> 00:16:52,800
I appreciate that, Pop,
but this house is my LeBaron.
433
00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:55,803
(scoffs) This is
a fleet of LeBarons.
434
00:16:58,005 --> 00:16:59,640
Yeah, it is, and you know what?
435
00:16:59,773 --> 00:17:01,742
This time
I'm going to do as you do,
436
00:17:01,809 --> 00:17:03,677
and not as you say.
437
00:17:05,413 --> 00:17:07,615
Lisa, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
438
00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:10,017
Get me a meeting with
that Real Housewife.
439
00:17:10,151 --> 00:17:12,153
Already did. Tuesday at 11:00.
440
00:17:12,286 --> 00:17:14,754
Whoa, whoa, wait a
minute, come, come...
441
00:17:14,855 --> 00:17:16,757
Uh, so, uh...
442
00:17:16,857 --> 00:17:18,259
which Housewife?
443
00:17:18,326 --> 00:17:19,993
Mercedes Selznick.
444
00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:22,796
(gasps) I love her!
She's evil!
445
00:17:22,863 --> 00:17:24,331
What?
446
00:17:28,769 --> 00:17:31,038
Hate to be the one that's doing
all the counting around here,
447
00:17:31,172 --> 00:17:32,940
but that's 1,500 right there.
448
00:17:40,448 --> 00:17:42,750
Aw. Look at our Malcolm.
449
00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:44,985
All grown up.
(laughs)
450
00:17:45,085 --> 00:17:48,189
And has been since the
first Obama administration.
451
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,258
All right, all right.
452
00:17:50,391 --> 00:17:52,660
I've got a case of free tequila
453
00:17:52,726 --> 00:17:54,528
in limited-edition
skull bottles.
454
00:17:54,628 --> 00:17:55,729
Ooh!
455
00:17:55,829 --> 00:17:57,765
I think I like
your new neighbors.
456
00:17:57,865 --> 00:17:58,699
(chuckles)
457
00:17:58,799 --> 00:18:00,301
Oh, hey.
Oh!
458
00:18:00,401 --> 00:18:03,337
My hero. You really
saved me today.
459
00:18:03,437 --> 00:18:05,005
You know, I try.
460
00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:07,875
I'm sorry, uh,
what's this all about?
461
00:18:08,742 --> 00:18:11,044
Hi! You are?
462
00:18:11,111 --> 00:18:12,413
I'm Courtney.
463
00:18:12,513 --> 00:18:15,449
I'm the mother
of your hero's child.
464
00:18:18,018 --> 00:18:19,353
I thought
you were single.
465
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:22,656
(stammers)
I am single, technically.
466
00:18:22,756 --> 00:18:24,625
Uh, uh...
467
00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:26,694
uh, what-what was the term
you used, Courtney?
468
00:18:26,794 --> 00:18:30,130
A "beneficial friendship"
is what it is.
469
00:18:30,231 --> 00:18:31,932
Well, uh...
470
00:18:32,065 --> 00:18:34,568
here's one
of the benefits.
471
00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:40,908
(exhales)
472
00:18:51,552 --> 00:18:54,188
Damn, bro, I heard
y'all's teeth clink.
473
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:58,226
Yeah, you did.
My man.
474
00:18:58,292 --> 00:18:59,627
(laughs)
475
00:18:59,727 --> 00:19:00,794
Oh, hey. Hey!
476
00:19:00,894 --> 00:19:01,929
Oh, hey.
477
00:19:01,995 --> 00:19:03,731
No, hey, hey, excuse me.
478
00:19:03,797 --> 00:19:05,266
Bruce, right?
Yeah, yeah?
479
00:19:05,366 --> 00:19:06,900
Oh, my gosh, you know,
I've just got to tell you,
480
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,437
I love doing
the captchas.
481
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,972
Ah, great.
Yeah, just-just fun
little puzzles.
482
00:19:12,105 --> 00:19:13,774
And not to brag, but, uh,
483
00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:16,377
I always get them
first try.
484
00:19:17,211 --> 00:19:19,247
Congratulations,
you're not a robot.
485
00:19:19,313 --> 00:19:22,115
(chuckling)
486
00:19:22,182 --> 00:19:23,851
So, uh, I got it.
487
00:19:23,984 --> 00:19:25,085
Cashier's check.
488
00:19:25,152 --> 00:19:27,154
Oh, for what?
Oh, oh, for your house.
489
00:19:27,288 --> 00:19:29,690
I told you
I'm buying your house.
Oh, no, no.
490
00:19:29,823 --> 00:19:31,091
I am staying.
491
00:19:31,191 --> 00:19:32,926
But we had a deal.
492
00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:35,128
No.
I-I almost shook
your dad's hand!
493
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:36,664
We-we pounded each other!
494
00:19:36,764 --> 00:19:38,299
No, whoa, whoa!
We did.
495
00:19:38,366 --> 00:19:39,900
You know we did.
BELLAMY:
Okay, okay, okay.
496
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,370
You know what, look,
I-I'm so sorry.
497
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,305
You guys are all so lovely,
but Bruce is here.
498
00:19:44,405 --> 00:19:46,640
And we just,
we don't party with narcs.
499
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,542
Oh, yeah, it's not cool.
500
00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:50,043
Well, well, I don't
501
00:19:50,143 --> 00:19:51,845
party, period.
502
00:19:51,979 --> 00:19:53,581
Oh, burn!
503
00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:55,349
That's a sick burn
and you know it is!
(shouting indistinctly)
504
00:19:55,483 --> 00:19:56,984
You can't give it up.
Oh, it's--
505
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,019
Okay! Okay!
506
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,722
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
507
00:20:01,855 --> 00:20:03,156
Listen, we are neighbors.
508
00:20:03,257 --> 00:20:05,759
And we are going to act
like neighbors.
509
00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:07,561
That's how it is where I'm from.
510
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:10,163
That is how
it's going to be here.
511
00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:12,032
So everybody please just
512
00:20:12,132 --> 00:20:14,402
grab a burger.
513
00:20:16,537 --> 00:20:18,238
Grab a damn burger, I said!
514
00:20:24,077 --> 00:20:25,713
Wow.
515
00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:27,715
He sounds like his daddy.
516
00:20:27,815 --> 00:20:30,083
Yeah, he sounds
rude as hell.
517
00:20:30,217 --> 00:20:31,952
I've never been prouder.
518
00:20:35,356 --> 00:20:36,757
C-Calvin?
Yeah.
519
00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:40,127
Is it just me, or is that
Bruce guy kind of a lot?
520
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:50,904
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521
00:20:51,038 --> 00:20:53,774
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522
00:20:53,907 --> 00:20:57,445
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523
00:20:57,445 --> 00:21:02,445
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00:20:57,445 --> 00:21:07,445
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