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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,129
Whoa. I've never seen
this place so empty.
2
00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:05,714
Is this what the end times
will be like?
3
00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:10,009
Yes. And they can't
get here fast enough.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,511
Where is everybody?
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,929
Day court ran long again,
6
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,973
so they all went to see
Judge Nulman.
7
00:00:14,974 --> 00:00:16,641
Nulman.
8
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,393
This is like the 10th time
he's made us start late.
9
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:20,228
He's wasting my 5-hour Energy.
10
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:23,231
I can't do this
on two and a half hours' energy.
11
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,316
So that's why
you don't like him.
12
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,861
Not because the Times called him
the funnest judge in the city?
13
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,946
I couldn't care less
what the Times called him.
14
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,448
And "funnest" isn't even a word.
15
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:32,824
It's probably why newspapers
are dying.
16
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:36,579
She didn't mean it.
17
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,582
Some of us don't need
an article to know we're fun
18
00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,209
because we have a quiet
inner confidence.
19
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,253
And a lot of out-loud talking
to yourself in a mirror.
20
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,547
You should close your door.
21
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,007
According to the article,
22
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,468
Nulman's a...
"generational talent."
23
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:55,388
And if that keeps the, uh,
coffee stand unattended...
24
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,184
well, all I have to say is...
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,103
chin-chin.
26
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,524
"Generational talent."
How fun can he be?
27
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,989
Ah!
Now the ladies!
28
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,241
Just ladies!
Say "Ho! Ho!"
29
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,827
- Ho! Ho!
- Say "Ho, ho, ho!"
30
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:20,163
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Say "Eww!"
31
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,581
Eww!
32
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,541
And that's what witnesses did
33
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,252
when they were flashed
by jolly old St. Ick.
34
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,670
Guilty.
35
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,464
Let's hear it
for the Gay Men's Choir!
36
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,007
Sing em out, boys.
37
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,009
♪ Goodbye,
you scary gentleman ♪
38
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,261
♪ You're headed off to jail ♪
39
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,555
♪ Maybe an elf or Mrs. Claus ♪
40
00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,641
♪ Will come and pay your bail ♪
41
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:46,147
God. That is fun.
42
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,404
...and that's why
you never shake hands
43
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,824
with a Times Square Elmo.
44
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,452
All right. That's my time.
45
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,870
- Aww.
- Aww.
46
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,372
Hey, I'll be back tomorrow.
47
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,500
Stay tuned for an all-new
night court.
48
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,919
♪ Nulman's court is adjourned ♪
49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,129
♪ Let's remember
all we've learned ♪
50
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,632
♪ Don't mug, stab, steal,
or pretend that you're a nun ♪
51
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,926
♪ Trials resume tomorrow
at one ♪
52
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,219
Yes!
53
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,555
Okay.
54
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:19,764
{\an8}This guy's a fad.
55
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,391
{\an8}These are the same ding-dongs
56
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,643
{\an8}that went to go see Pizza Rat
in concert.
57
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,856
{\an8}- Isn't that ding-dong your ex?
- Jake's here?
58
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,400
{\an8}If you don't want him
to see you,
59
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,985
{\an8}I've been practicing
animal face painting
60
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,611
{\an8}for my daughter's
birthday party.
61
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,029
{\an8}That won't be necessary.
62
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,073
{\an8}Sure, our relationship ended
badly,
63
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,993
{\an8}but Jake and I are friends now.
- Oh, really? You guys talk?
64
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,077
{\an8}- No.
- Text?
65
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,662
{\an8}- No.
- Hang out?
66
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,832
{\an8}Look who knows all the things
that friends do!
67
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,458
{\an8}- Abby.
- Jake!
68
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,669
{\an8}Howdy, partner.
- Oof.
69
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,130
{\an8}Funny. You never came
to watch me when we were dating.
70
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,007
{\an8}And we were together
during the summer,
71
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:56,259
{\an8}when most of my defendants
were wearing bikinis.
72
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,761
{\an8}Actually, I am here
to see your court.
73
00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,971
{\an8}Oh. Really?
74
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,806
{\an8}- About an HR complaint.
- Ah.
75
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,726
{\an8}But I am so psyched I got to
witness Nulman in action.
76
00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:07,770
{\an8}I mean, you can really feel
the electricity in the room.
77
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,689
{\an8}Well, if the room feels
electric,
78
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,609
{\an8}it's only because the walls
are filled with frayed wires.
79
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,153
{\an8}I'm just gonna mosey.
80
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:18,364
{\an8}Ah. Now that the circus
is over, can we start?
81
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,908
{\an8}How do you always show up
82
00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,784
{\an8}at the exact moment
day court adjourns?
83
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,703
{\an8}Uh, she has a Ring camera
in here,
84
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,705
{\an8}and they sent me
to confiscate it.
85
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,583
{\an8}Oh.
So a woman can't be Big Brother?
86
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:32,004
{\an8}Well, that is patriarchy.
87
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,923
{\an8}Judge Nulman.
I'm Abby Stone.
88
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,883
{\an8}Thank you.
Always nice to meet a fan.
89
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,593
{\an8}Oh.
90
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:41,804
{\an8}I'm... I'm not a fan.
I'm a judge in night court.
91
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,098
{\an8}Aw.
You can be a judge and a fan.
92
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:46,893
{\an8}Hey.
Sorry that we ran late.
93
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,479
{\an8}It's just when the crowd
is that hot-- Well, you get it.
94
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,481
{\an8}Oh, yeah. Totally.
Totally.
95
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,858
{\an8}I mean, I'm actually
a bit of a fun judge myself.
96
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,985
{\an8}I wasn't in the Times,
97
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:59,739
{\an8}but a quote of mine did appear
on a poster for "Sonic 3," so...
98
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,491
{\an8}Well, hey, since I'm here,
99
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,743
{\an8}I'd love to stick around and,
uh, catch your session,
100
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,871
{\an8}see how a fellow fun judge
rocks the bench.
101
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,456
{\an8}All right.
102
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,208
{\an8}Well, slap a jockstrap
on your front parts,
103
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,293
{\an8}because Judge Abby's
about to go nice and hard.
104
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,003
{\an8}- ♪ Gross ♪
- ♪ Gross ♪
105
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:16,966
{\an8}- ♪ Gross ♪
- ♪ That's just gross ♪
106
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,803
Why am I clapping?
You just insulted me.
107
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,348
Dan, may I run something
by you?
108
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,684
It would be my first big swing
as chief bailiff.
109
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,352
Are you gonna get rid
of the "all rise"?
110
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:30,853
'Cause I get comfortable.
Then I got to stand up.
111
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,271
It's a good idea.
112
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,024
No.
A courthouse welcome video.
113
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,318
You know, we used to have a
welcome video back in the '80s.
114
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,072
Why not just use that?
- Because this is the only copy.
115
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,323
Uh-huh.
116
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:44,242
Well, you know,
I can probably fix this,
117
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:47,203
but it's a rather technical
process.
118
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,211
- Oh!
- Good as new.
119
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,463
I found this VCR
in the evidence locker.
120
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,383
There was bread in it 'cause
people thought it was a toaster.
121
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:03,594
Hi.
I'm Bailiff Roz Russell.
122
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:07,057
And if you're watching this,
you screwed up.
123
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,268
You didn't tell me Roz was
the star of the welcome video.
124
00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,520
Yeah. No. I forget. She was in
all the instructional videos.
125
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:16,107
You know, when Roz Russell tells
you to do something, you do it!
126
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,650
I can't think of
a better person
127
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,277
to welcome everyone
into the courthouse.
128
00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:21,070
We'll just use this.
- Yes. Absolutely.
129
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:24,032
If it's not broke, don't fix it.
- Ooh!
130
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,283
Oh!
131
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,119
This is clearly broke, though.
132
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:35,960
All rise. Manhattan Criminal
Court Part 2 is now in session.
133
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,004
And coming to the bench--
134
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:41,591
She's cute, she's fun.
she likes her steak well done--
135
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,634
It's the Honorable
Judge Abby Stone.
136
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:47,473
Oh! Who's ready
to get this party started?!
137
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,641
Somebody say "Ho!"
138
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,352
Uh, you can't call us that
anymore.
139
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,021
Oh, please, Lacy.
140
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,982
You called me a high-strung
bitch an hour ago.
141
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,776
What's with the entrance?
142
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,779
Nulman's here, so I'm puttin'
a little stank on it.
143
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,031
Okay.
144
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,825
Well, tonight's docket
has plenty of fun...
145
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:10,495
damentally disturbed people.
146
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:14,332
Got it. Murder.
Attempted murder. Hit-and-run.
147
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,293
Are any of these at least naked?
- Uh, the hit-and-run was.
148
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:21,422
But the victim landed
in a pair of pants.
149
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:24,717
How am I supposed to wow Nulman
with this bummerfest?
150
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,469
Oh, wait. Wait.
How about this guy?
151
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,262
His name is Frankenstein.
152
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,640
It's actually not.
153
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:34,435
The People vs. Frank... Enstein.
154
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,646
Hey, Gay Men's Choir,
sing him in.
155
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:39,190
We're just waiting
for our Uber.
156
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,192
Makes sense
you don't have a car,
157
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:43,153
because you can't find a key.
158
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,866
Good evening, Frank Enstein.
159
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,244
And may I say
that I too think...
160
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,412
...fire bad.
161
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,168
This thing on?
- It is.
162
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,754
Mr. Enstein is charged
with littering.
163
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,881
And before you ask,
it was a cup.
164
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,299
And not even a cool one.
165
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,009
Just that small cup
they give you
166
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,137
when you want to drink
sink water at the movies.
167
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,472
All right, Counselor.
Your turn.
168
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,307
Please set me up to score.
169
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,017
Sorry, Your Honor.
I got nothing.
170
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,062
My client feared
that his discarded cup
171
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:22,192
made it out to the open sea
and choked the Little Mermaid.
172
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,862
He pleads guilty
and asks for a moment of silence
173
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,905
to honor
his ocean-dwelling victim.
174
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:32,243
If you listen, you could hear
her underwater screams.
175
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:34,620
Fine. Let's just do
the stupid silence.
176
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,790
You're not as fun as your name.
177
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,709
All right. Great.
Guilty.
178
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,170
Please call me something fun.
179
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,091
You asked for fun,
and I delivered!
180
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,845
Oh!
181
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,096
Nulman!
182
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,936
Unbelievable.
183
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,189
Everyone thinks Nulman
is the fun judge.
184
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,065
But my eyes are wide open.
185
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:07,153
Because you haven't blinked
since the snakes scared you.
186
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,030
I'm telling you.
That guy set me up.
187
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,698
Abby, I think Nulman
set you up.
188
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,701
See? I was right.
How was I right?
189
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,996
- He stole all our fun cases.
- How fun we talkin'?
190
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,582
A grandma fight club.
Flasher flash mob.
191
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,001
The theft of a classroom hamster
named Nibble Nuts.
192
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,587
Was the hamster short-haired
or fluffy?
193
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:27,715
- Fluffy as hell.
- Mother fluffer.
194
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,383
He's coming for my territory.
195
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,385
This is a turf war.
- Oh, please.
196
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,889
Now, if this were a real turf
war, you'd get one of these.
197
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,891
Oh.
Scar's gone.
198
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:39,602
Huh.
Cream worked.
199
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:42,688
If Nulman wants pranks,
he's gonna get pranks.
200
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,149
No.
No pranks.
201
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,151
Yeah.
These things escalate quickly.
202
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,778
It starts with silly snakes.
203
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,613
Next thing you know,
your college roommate
204
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,200
has turned your toilet
into a spring-loaded catapult.
205
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,910
What's the matter, Wyatt?
206
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,161
You don't think fun judge
can take a joke?
207
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,038
It's not a joke!
208
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,581
I have been able to put my
full weight on the toilet seat
209
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,083
in six years.
210
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:05,170
Oh, quit whining.
Your quads look amazing.
211
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,175
Roz, I'm so excited
you agreed to do this.
212
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:14,054
Man, I am so excited
you agreed to pay me.
213
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,057
But I don't see why we can't use
the old script.
214
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,976
Well, that one's
a little dated.
215
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,895
You used terms like "homeless"
and talked about your boyfriend.
216
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,898
Mm. I haven't had a boyfriend
in a while.
217
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,901
Just ask my wife.
218
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:31,570
Fine.
I'll learn this one.
219
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,030
Hey. Listen.
220
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,740
I-I had a thought
about the script.
221
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,575
You know the scene
where Roz tells us
222
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,077
which floor processing is on?
223
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,246
I think it'd be
more compelling...
224
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,000
if she was holding a big bag
of dog food.
225
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,544
This is a scam.
Tell me how.
226
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,254
No, no, no.
Listen.
227
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,172
Actors need to do something
with their hands--
228
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,550
like when Marlon Brando
played with that glove
229
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,385
in "On the Waterfront."
230
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,637
But this would be better,
because instead of a glove,
231
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,181
it would be a big bag
of dog food.
232
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,726
Explain... the... scam.
233
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,561
All right.
234
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,688
Every night, hundreds of people
are gonna see this video.
235
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,189
And I found a pet-store owner
236
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,775
who wants access
to those eyeballs.
237
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,194
He gets advertising,
I get a small finder's fee,
238
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:15,364
and you get a-a bucket of cash
to do whatever you want.
239
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,325
Dan, this isn't
a dog-food commercial.
240
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,577
This welcome video has got to be
like "Blaow!"
241
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:22,872
But also..."Om-m-m-m."
242
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:25,374
But ultimately--
"Bew-bew-bew-bew-bew!"
243
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:28,544
Come on.
I want those things, too.
244
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,547
But those noises cost money.
245
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,466
And the only way to get it
246
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:38,054
is to have this dog food
in the commercial.
247
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,223
Are we doing this or what?
248
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,060
If it was good enough
for Brando.
249
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,312
That's the spirit!
Come on. Okay.
250
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,522
Hey, Roz...
251
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,234
if you want to, touch it.
252
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,944
All right.
Let's try one.
253
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,780
And... action.
254
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,823
Welcome to Kight Nourt.
255
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,909
We got it.
Moving on.
256
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,786
I-I think we need another one.
257
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,245
Huh? Really?
I thought that was perfect.
258
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,832
You know, that dog food...
is a star!
259
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,505
I'm not gonna lie.
This is a tough decision.
260
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,550
Some deliberation music
while I go over the file.
261
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:19,512
♪ The judge is thinking,
the judge is thinking ♪
262
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:23,599
♪ And we are singing
while he thinks ♪
263
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,267
What's to think about?
264
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,311
The case is a lady
who fell in love with a bus
265
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,980
and tried to drive it back
to her house.
266
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:33,442
Okay. I've decided.
267
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,988
Ms. Brickton... if you want
monogamy, don't marry a bus.
268
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,824
Marry a penguin.
269
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,702
You think that's funny?
270
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,538
Wait until you see what happens
when he bangs his gavel.
271
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,207
Oh, I find the defendant
guilty.
272
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,043
What?
It didn't work.
273
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,213
Honestly, I expected more
from the Guaranteed Yuks section
274
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,591
at Goof-About's Prank
and Discount Cellphones.
275
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,677
My way would've worked.
276
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:03,348
Unless he's one of those people
chloroform makes stronger.
277
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,809
Let's take ten.
278
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,564
Oh, it's times like these
279
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,733
I wish they hadn't taken down
my Ring camera.
280
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,283
All right.
281
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:25,744
Welcome to a friendly
but very mandatory mediation.
282
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,538
Is this really a matter for HR?
283
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,499
I mean,
you did try to explode me.
284
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,419
I did set up a prank,
but not that prank.
285
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,797
Mine was a harmless whoopee
cushion with a smell component.
286
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:41,094
And after, I was gonna yell,
"Look who put the F-U in 'fun'!"
287
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,264
Instead, you put the F-U
in "full range of motion,"
288
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,224
which I've lost forever.
289
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,185
It's not fair.
He started it.
290
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,020
With a few soft
and silly snakes.
291
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,563
He's not telling
the full story.
292
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,065
After the snakes,
he gave a mean laugh.
293
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,234
It was like this.
"Heh-heh-heh-heh!"
294
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,820
Only laugh you got all night.
295
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,448
Look.
Not all judges are fun!
296
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,784
And that's okay... for you.
297
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,537
I think you rigged that prank
to make me look bad.
298
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,831
And on top of it,
you're stealing all my cases.
299
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,042
I'm telling you, Jake.
This guy's a sneak.
300
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,919
This is sounding
a lot like the time
301
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,754
when you accused the pizza place
of stiffing you on garlic knots.
302
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,130
I paid for three knots!
303
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,257
They gave me two knots
and a nub.
304
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,426
Remember when you called
to complain?
305
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,221
You ate them all in a blind rage
while you berated the owner.
306
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,348
I would've gotten us a refund
if I hadn't said those things
307
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,849
about his mother.
- Yeah.
308
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:32,895
So you two used to munch knots
together.
309
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,396
We dated.
310
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:35,940
Did you dump her
because she wasn't fun?
311
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,775
No.
I was super fun.
312
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,027
He dumped me
because I lied to him.
313
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,738
So the liar is calling me
a sneak.
314
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,406
Don't use our relationship
against me.
315
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,908
We are in a good place.
316
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:48,035
He's dating a lovely girl
named Lucy.
317
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,454
Still?
Not important.
318
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,914
Maybe we keep our history
out of this.
319
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,415
You know,
so it doesn't get awkward.
320
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,376
- Why would it get awkward?
- Because...
321
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:58,587
I have to suspend you
for one week starting tonight.
322
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,382
You know, as luck would
have it, my nights are free.
323
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:04,426
I-I'd be-- Yeah. I'd be happy
to take over for Judge Stone.
324
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,345
Oh, my G--
That's what this is!
325
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,556
He doesn't just want my cases.
He wants my court.
326
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,809
You have to believe me.
- I-I don't know what to believe.
327
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:15,564
No. Jake, she's right.
I want night court.
328
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,817
It's the jewel in the Manhattan
judicial system's crown.
329
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:22,736
That's why I've been plotting
against her all this time.
330
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,031
Can you imagine?
331
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:29,160
That's how crazy you sound.
332
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:37,251
- What is all this?
- Oh!
333
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,920
This is all the bells
and whistles.
334
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,965
Better to have and not need
than need and not have.
335
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,341
Huh? Come on.
Hey.
336
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,844
Hey, everybody!
The director's here!
337
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:48,721
Let's put one in the can!
338
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,848
Here.
- Oh.
339
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,558
Action!
340
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,311
Booking is where you go
after you've been collared.
341
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,187
And speaking of collars,
342
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:01,108
easy-on-and-off dog collars
are on sale right now.
343
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,028
Uh, Mr. Gasparov wants
you to hold the collars up
344
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,696
a little higher in the frame.
345
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,407
Mr. Gasparov can kiss my ass.
346
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,036
Cut.
Let's take a five.
347
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,123
What's the matter?
348
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,627
Not enjoying
your Soviet dog food commercial?
349
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,713
I don't think this is my vision
anymore.
350
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,342
I don't even know
what he's supposed to be.
351
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,344
It all kind of got away from me.
352
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,596
Can I ask you a question?
353
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,724
You could have gotten
somebody else to do this video.
354
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,392
Why ask me?
355
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:38,437
Because you capture
everything this place is.
356
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,523
Underneath the tough exterior,
you're all heart.
357
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,942
Well, I feel the same way
about you.
358
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:48,572
One chief bailiff to another,
you got this.
359
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:51,825
Just block out all the noise
and do your thing.
360
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,119
- Thanks, Roz.
- Roz is absolutely right.
361
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,455
This is your vision.
You know what would be great?
362
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,998
If your vision
could also include
363
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,793
someone holding this bag
of frozen mice.
364
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,463
All mouse. No nitrates.
365
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,007
Dan, if you bring any more
pet stuff into this set,
366
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,801
I'm gonna put you
in a freezer bag
367
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,928
and feed you to a snake.
368
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:14,348
Sorry, Gassy.
I thought you'd play along.
369
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,267
Apparently she's an artist.
370
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,439
I can't believe
I got suspended.
371
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,983
I'm a five-time winner of
the Courthouse Kindness Award.
372
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,319
Okay.
Yes, I give it out.
373
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,531
But last month, I almost lost
to a therapy dog named Bingo.
374
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,075
Well, at least you don't
have to clerk for Nulman.
375
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,660
What if he pranks me?
376
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,329
I don't want a locker
filled with angry crabs.
377
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,666
No offense,
but you two suck at turf wars.
378
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,711
You can't give up after
just one threatening message
379
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,587
written in prison pudding.
380
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,631
No!
You save that pudding.
381
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:50,259
And you make your enemies
eat it.
382
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,719
What am I supposed to do?
383
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,345
Jake doesn't believe anything
I say.
384
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,056
We need proof
that Nulman is out to get you.
385
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,891
Now, you hide a tape recorder
386
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,561
and you trick him into admitting
what he did.
387
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,688
He has what he wants.
Why would he meet with me again?
388
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,649
Ah.
Leave it to me.
389
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,319
Oh.
She told me to do that.
390
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,573
Well. she's fabulous.
I can't stay mad at her.
391
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:16,077
But you?
I'm calling HR.
392
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,078
You're welcome.
393
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,293
I see your boyfriend's late.
394
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,211
May I come in,
395
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,964
or are you going to accuse me
of giving you that haircut?
396
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,716
You know what?
397
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:34,178
I deserve that, 'cause I have
been acting crazy.
398
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,889
You're not some devious
mastermind.
399
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,225
You're just a goofball judge
who got lucky.
400
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,602
Aww.
401
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,646
Sweetie,
it was a little more than luck.
402
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,398
Was it?
403
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,150
Because if that reporter came
when I was on the bench,
404
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,860
that article would have been
written about me.
405
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:52,696
You think career-defining
articles just happen?
406
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,239
No.
407
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,034
I orchestrated every moment
of my ascension
408
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,952
and your failure.
409
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:01,330
Airbagging myself
and getting you banished
410
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,081
was just the beginning.
411
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,459
With your court
and its crazy cases,
412
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,711
there'll be no stopping me.
413
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:12,341
TV, podcast,
Fun Judge Robe Snuggies on QVC.
414
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,636
I'll have it all. A-ha-ha-ha.
A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
415
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,931
And that's how you do
my mean laugh.
416
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,434
You just laughed
your last laugh
417
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,229
while falling for
the oldest trick in the book.
418
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:28,899
Because... my tape recorder
is really old,
419
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,026
and it's in this book.
420
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,029
Aah!
Soft, silly snakes!
421
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,406
Looking for this?
422
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,367
Your clerk told me your plan
423
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,370
because he was afraid
I'd put crabs in his locker.
424
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,205
Which I hadn't even
thought of--
425
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,873
and then totally did.
426
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,917
You won't get away with this.
427
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,752
You sure?
428
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,796
'Cause I really feel like
I'm gettin' away with this.
429
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,798
Oh, yeah?
430
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,591
I thought I'd have a good
entrance line
431
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,635
once I got in here.
432
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,428
Sorry.
What's happening?
433
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,639
I caught your confession
on Julianne's Ring camera.
434
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,058
And I was in on it
the whole time.
435
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,018
No, you weren't.
- No, I wasn't.
436
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:07,647
But I'm pleased and surprised
by this whole turn of events.
437
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:09,899
So what?
438
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,070
I'll move to Jersey court
and be on TV by Q1 next year.
439
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:19,701
Fun judge is going to be
in syndication, bitches.
440
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,078
Thank you for believing me.
441
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,163
I knew you would never
hurt someone on purpose.
442
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,790
And I called the pizza place.
443
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,667
They've been trying to
pass off nubs as knots
444
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,752
since the pandemic.
- And the vegan pepperoni?
445
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:33,714
- Oh, yeah.
- I knew it was band-aids!
446
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,133
You know, I-I've been
thinking about you a lot
447
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,634
since we broke up--
448
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,262
which is probably
why Lucy and I broke up.
449
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,805
Oh, Jake.
450
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:45,643
I'm so sorry...
that I'm so happy right now.
451
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,232
Oh, will you nut up
and kiss him already?
452
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,193
I'll take this.
453
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,946
So, where were we?
454
00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,240
You really think
that's my only camera?
455
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,329
I should probably go
deal with that, but, um...
456
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,039
want to get coffee sometime?
457
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,917
You think you can just
suspend me and then ask me out?
458
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,335
'Cause you totally can.
459
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,840
And if you learn nothing else
from this video,
460
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,051
know that all are welcome here.
461
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,512
Also know that
the women's restroom on 3
462
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:26,434
is out of service
and always will be.
463
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,649
That was incredible.
464
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,651
How long is it supposed to be?
- Two minutes.
465
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,528
- And how long is it?
- Four hours.
466
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,782
That video was strange.
It was beautiful.
467
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,659
It was you.
468
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,662
You even gave the product
placement dramatic importance.
469
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,789
I mean, I felt like I was
the dog food,
470
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,625
the dog food... was me.
471
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:54,044
{\an8}You know, if there's a sequel,
you could add some romance,
472
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:56,171
{\an8}'cause that can happen
in this courthouse.
473
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,174
{\an8}She wants us to ask
about her and Jake.
474
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:03,261
{\an8}Which one's Jake?
The green man covered in balls?
475
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,265
{\an8}No. That's Sandy.
He's not into her.
476
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:09,351
{\an8}Good work all around.
I'll tell you what.
477
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:11,603
{\an8}Why don't we celebrate
by each of us adopting
478
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,731
{\an8}and raising a dog?
479
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,401
{\an8}You were paid in dogs,
weren't you?
480
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,902
{\an8}And frozen mice.
Ah!
481
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:21,322
{\an8}But those I can sell
to the cafeteria.
36837
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