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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,120
Whoa. I've never seen
this place so empty.
2
00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:05,710
Is this what the end times
will be like?
3
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:10,000
Yes. And they can't
get here fast enough.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,510
Where is everybody?
5
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:12,920
Day court ran long again,
6
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,970
so they all went to see
Judge Nulman.
7
00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:16,640
Nulman.
8
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,390
This is like the 10th time
he's made us start late.
9
00:00:18,390 --> 00:00:20,220
He's wasting my 5-hour Energy.
10
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,230
I can't do this
on two and a half hours' energy.
11
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,310
So that's why
you don't like him.
12
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:27,860
Not because the Times called him
the funnest judge in the city?
13
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:29,940
I couldn't care less
what the Times called him.
14
00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:31,440
And "funnest" isn't even a word.
15
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,820
It's probably why newspapers
are dying.
16
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:36,570
She didn't mean it.
17
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,580
Some of us don't need
an article to know we're fun
18
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:43,200
because we have a quiet
inner confidence.
19
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,250
And a lot of out-loud talking
to yourself in a mirror.
20
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:47,540
You should close your door.
21
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,000
According to the article,
22
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,460
Nulman's a...
"generational talent."
23
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:55,380
And if that keeps the, uh,
coffee stand unattended...
24
00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:58,180
well, all I have to say is...
25
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:01,100
chin-chin.
26
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:06,520
"Generational talent."
How fun can he be?
27
00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,980
Ah!
Now the ladies!
28
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,240
Just ladies!
Say "Ho! Ho!"
29
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,820
- Ho! Ho!
- Say "Ho, ho, ho!"
30
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:20,160
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Say "Eww!"
31
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,580
Eww!
32
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,540
And that's what witnesses did
33
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:26,250
when they were flashed
by jolly old St. Ick.
34
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,670
Guilty.
35
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,460
Let's hear it
for the Gay Men's Choir!
36
00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:31,000
Sing em out, boys.
37
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000
♪ Goodbye,
you scary gentleman ♪
38
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,260
♪ You're headed off to jail ♪
39
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:37,550
♪ Maybe an elf or Mrs. Claus ♪
40
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,640
♪ Will come and pay your bail ♪
41
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:46,140
God. That is fun.
42
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:53,400
...and that's why
you never shake hands
43
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,820
with a Times Square Elmo.
44
00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,450
All right. That's my time.
45
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:00,870
- Aww.
- Aww.
46
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,370
Hey, I'll be back tomorrow.
47
00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:05,500
Stay tuned for an all-new
night court.
48
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,910
♪ Nulman's court is adjourned ♪
49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,120
♪ Let's remember
all we've learned ♪
50
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,630
♪ Don't mug, stab, steal,
or pretend that you're a nun ♪
51
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:14,920
♪ Trials resume tomorrow
at one ♪
52
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,210
Yes!
53
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,550
Okay.
54
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:19,760
{\an8}This guy's a fad.
55
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,390
{\an8}These are the same ding-dongs
56
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:23,640
{\an8}that went to go see Pizza Rat
in concert.
57
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,850
{\an8}- Isn't that ding-dong your ex?
- Jake's here?
58
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,400
{\an8}If you don't want him
to see you,
59
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,980
{\an8}I've been practicing
animal face painting
60
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:33,610
{\an8}for my daughter's
birthday party.
61
00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:35,020
{\an8}That won't be necessary.
62
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,070
{\an8}Sure, our relationship ended
badly,
63
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,990
{\an8}but Jake and I are friends now.
- Oh, really? You guys talk?
64
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,070
{\an8}- No.
- Text?
65
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,660
{\an8}- No.
- Hang out?
66
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:45,830
{\an8}Look who knows all the things
that friends do!
67
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:47,450
{\an8}- Abby.
- Jake!
68
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,660
{\an8}Howdy, partner.
- Oof.
69
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,130
{\an8}Funny. You never came
to watch me when we were dating.
70
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,000
{\an8}And we were together
during the summer,
71
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,250
{\an8}when most of my defendants
were wearing bikinis.
72
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,760
{\an8}Actually, I am here
to see your court.
73
00:02:58,760 --> 00:02:59,970
{\an8}Oh. Really?
74
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,800
{\an8}- About an HR complaint.
- Ah.
75
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,720
{\an8}But I am so psyched I got to
witness Nulman in action.
76
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,770
{\an8}I mean, you can really feel
the electricity in the room.
77
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,680
{\an8}Well, if the room feels
electric,
78
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,600
{\an8}it's only because the walls
are filled with frayed wires.
79
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,150
{\an8}I'm just gonna mosey.
80
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:18,360
{\an8}Ah. Now that the circus
is over, can we start?
81
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,900
{\an8}How do you always show up
82
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,780
{\an8}at the exact moment
day court adjourns?
83
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,700
{\an8}Uh, she has a Ring camera
in here,
84
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:25,700
{\an8}and they sent me
to confiscate it.
85
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,580
{\an8}Oh.
So a woman can't be Big Brother?
86
00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:32,000
{\an8}Well, that is patriarchy.
87
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,920
{\an8}Judge Nulman.
I'm Abby Stone.
88
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,880
{\an8}Thank you.
Always nice to meet a fan.
89
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,590
{\an8}Oh.
90
00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:41,800
{\an8}I'm... I'm not a fan.
I'm a judge in night court.
91
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,090
{\an8}Aw.
You can be a judge and a fan.
92
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,890
{\an8}Hey.
Sorry that we ran late.
93
00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:49,470
{\an8}It's just when the crowd
is that hot-- Well, you get it.
94
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,480
{\an8}Oh, yeah. Totally.
Totally.
95
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,850
{\an8}I mean, I'm actually
a bit of a fun judge myself.
96
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,980
{\an8}I wasn't in the Times,
97
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,730
{\an8}but a quote of mine did appear
on a poster for "Sonic 3," so...
98
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,490
{\an8}Well, hey, since I'm here,
99
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,740
{\an8}I'd love to stick around and,
uh, catch your session,
100
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:06,870
{\an8}see how a fellow fun judge
rocks the bench.
101
00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:08,450
{\an8}All right.
102
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:10,200
{\an8}Well, slap a jockstrap
on your front parts,
103
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,290
{\an8}because Judge Abby's
about to go nice and hard.
104
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,000
{\an8}- ♪ Gross ♪
- ♪ Gross ♪
105
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,960
{\an8}- ♪ Gross ♪
- ♪ That's just gross ♪
106
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,800
Why am I clapping?
You just insulted me.
107
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,340
Dan, may I run something
by you?
108
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:27,680
It would be my first big swing
as chief bailiff.
109
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,350
Are you gonna get rid
of the "all rise"?
110
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,850
'Cause I get comfortable.
Then I got to stand up.
111
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,270
It's a good idea.
112
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:35,020
No.
A courthouse welcome video.
113
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,310
You know, we used to have a
welcome video back in the '80s.
114
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:40,070
Why not just use that?
- Because this is the only copy.
115
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,320
Uh-huh.
116
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,240
Well, you know,
I can probably fix this,
117
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,200
but it's a rather technical
process.
118
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:55,210
- Oh!
- Good as new.
119
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:57,460
I found this VCR
in the evidence locker.
120
00:04:57,460 --> 00:05:00,380
There was bread in it 'cause
people thought it was a toaster.
121
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,590
Hi.
I'm Bailiff Roz Russell.
122
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:07,050
And if you're watching this,
you screwed up.
123
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,260
You didn't tell me Roz was
the star of the welcome video.
124
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,520
Yeah. No. I forget. She was in
all the instructional videos.
125
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,100
You know, when Roz Russell tells
you to do something, you do it!
126
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,650
I can't think of
a better person
127
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,270
to welcome everyone
into the courthouse.
128
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:21,070
We'll just use this.
- Yes. Absolutely.
129
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:24,030
If it's not broke, don't fix it.
- Ooh!
130
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:25,280
Oh!
131
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:28,110
This is clearly broke, though.
132
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:35,960
All rise. Manhattan Criminal
Court Part 2 is now in session.
133
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,000
And coming to the bench--
134
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,590
She's cute, she's fun.
she likes her steak well done--
135
00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:43,630
It's the Honorable
Judge Abby Stone.
136
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:47,470
Oh! Who's ready
to get this party started?!
137
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,640
Somebody say "Ho!"
138
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,350
Uh, you can't call us that
anymore.
139
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:55,020
Oh, please, Lacy.
140
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,980
You called me a high-strung
bitch an hour ago.
141
00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,770
What's with the entrance?
142
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:02,770
Nulman's here, so I'm puttin'
a little stank on it.
143
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,030
Okay.
144
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:07,820
Well, tonight's docket
has plenty of fun...
145
00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:10,490
damentally disturbed people.
146
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:14,330
Got it. Murder.
Attempted murder. Hit-and-run.
147
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:17,290
Are any of these at least naked?
- Uh, the hit-and-run was.
148
00:06:17,290 --> 00:06:21,420
But the victim landed
in a pair of pants.
149
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:24,710
How am I supposed to wow Nulman
with this bummerfest?
150
00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:26,460
Oh, wait. Wait.
How about this guy?
151
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,260
His name is Frankenstein.
152
00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:30,640
It's actually not.
153
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,430
The People vs. Frank... Enstein.
154
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:36,640
Hey, Gay Men's Choir,
sing him in.
155
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,190
We're just waiting
for our Uber.
156
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,190
Makes sense
you don't have a car,
157
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:43,150
because you can't find a key.
158
00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:48,860
Good evening, Frank Enstein.
159
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,240
And may I say
that I too think...
160
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,410
...fire bad.
161
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,160
This thing on?
- It is.
162
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,750
Mr. Enstein is charged
with littering.
163
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,880
And before you ask,
it was a cup.
164
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,290
And not even a cool one.
165
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,000
Just that small cup
they give you
166
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,130
when you want to drink
sink water at the movies.
167
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,470
All right, Counselor.
Your turn.
168
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:13,300
Please set me up to score.
169
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,010
Sorry, Your Honor.
I got nothing.
170
00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:18,060
My client feared
that his discarded cup
171
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:22,190
made it out to the open sea
and choked the Little Mermaid.
172
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,860
He pleads guilty
and asks for a moment of silence
173
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,900
to honor
his ocean-dwelling victim.
174
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:32,240
If you listen, you could hear
her underwater screams.
175
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,620
Fine. Let's just do
the stupid silence.
176
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,790
You're not as fun as your name.
177
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:39,700
All right. Great.
Guilty.
178
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,170
Please call me something fun.
179
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,090
You asked for fun,
and I delivered!
180
00:07:47,090 --> 00:07:49,840
Oh!
181
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,090
Nulman!
182
00:07:57,390 --> 00:07:58,930
Unbelievable.
183
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,180
Everyone thinks Nulman
is the fun judge.
184
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,060
But my eyes are wide open.
185
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:07,150
Because you haven't blinked
since the snakes scared you.
186
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,030
I'm telling you.
That guy set me up.
187
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,690
Abby, I think Nulman
set you up.
188
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:13,700
See? I was right.
How was I right?
189
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,990
- He stole all our fun cases.
- How fun we talkin'?
190
00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:19,580
A grandma fight club.
Flasher flash mob.
191
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,000
The theft of a classroom hamster
named Nibble Nuts.
192
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,580
Was the hamster short-haired
or fluffy?
193
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:27,710
- Fluffy as hell.
- Mother fluffer.
194
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,380
He's coming for my territory.
195
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,380
This is a turf war.
- Oh, please.
196
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,880
Now, if this were a real turf
war, you'd get one of these.
197
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,890
Oh.
Scar's gone.
198
00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:39,600
Huh.
Cream worked.
199
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,680
If Nulman wants pranks,
he's gonna get pranks.
200
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,140
No.
No pranks.
201
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,150
Yeah.
These things escalate quickly.
202
00:08:47,150 --> 00:08:48,770
It starts with silly snakes.
203
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:50,610
Next thing you know,
your college roommate
204
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:53,200
has turned your toilet
into a spring-loaded catapult.
205
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:55,910
What's the matter, Wyatt?
206
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,160
You don't think fun judge
can take a joke?
207
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,030
It's not a joke!
208
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:00,580
I have been able to put my
full weight on the toilet seat
209
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,080
in six years.
210
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,170
Oh, quit whining.
Your quads look amazing.
211
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:11,170
Roz, I'm so excited
you agreed to do this.
212
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:14,050
Man, I am so excited
you agreed to pay me.
213
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,050
But I don't see why we can't use
the old script.
214
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:19,970
Well, that one's
a little dated.
215
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:22,890
You used terms like "homeless"
and talked about your boyfriend.
216
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:25,890
Mm. I haven't had a boyfriend
in a while.
217
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:27,900
Just ask my wife.
218
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,570
Fine.
I'll learn this one.
219
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030
Hey. Listen.
220
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,740
I-I had a thought
about the script.
221
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,570
You know the scene
where Roz tells us
222
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:38,070
which floor processing is on?
223
00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:40,240
I think it'd be
more compelling...
224
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,000
if she was holding a big bag
of dog food.
225
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:46,540
This is a scam.
Tell me how.
226
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,250
No, no, no.
Listen.
227
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:50,170
Actors need to do something
with their hands--
228
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,550
like when Marlon Brando
played with that glove
229
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,380
in "On the Waterfront."
230
00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:56,630
But this would be better,
because instead of a glove,
231
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,180
it would be a big bag
of dog food.
232
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:01,720
Explain... the... scam.
233
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,560
All right.
234
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,680
Every night, hundreds of people
are gonna see this video.
235
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,180
And I found a pet-store owner
236
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,770
who wants access
to those eyeballs.
237
00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:12,190
He gets advertising,
I get a small finder's fee,
238
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:15,360
and you get a-a bucket of cash
to do whatever you want.
239
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,320
Dan, this isn't
a dog-food commercial.
240
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,570
This welcome video has got to be
like "Blaow!"
241
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:22,870
But also..."Om-m-m-m."
242
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:25,370
But ultimately--
"Bew-bew-bew-bew-bew!"
243
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:28,540
Come on.
I want those things, too.
244
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:31,540
But those noises cost money.
245
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:33,460
And the only way to get it
246
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:38,050
is to have this dog food
in the commercial.
247
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,220
Are we doing this or what?
248
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,060
If it was good enough
for Brando.
249
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,310
That's the spirit!
Come on. Okay.
250
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,520
Hey, Roz...
251
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,230
if you want to, touch it.
252
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,940
All right.
Let's try one.
253
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:55,780
And... action.
254
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,820
Welcome to Kight Nourt.
255
00:10:57,820 --> 00:10:59,900
We got it.
Moving on.
256
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,780
I-I think we need another one.
257
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:03,240
Huh? Really?
I thought that was perfect.
258
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,830
You know, that dog food...
is a star!
259
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,500
I'm not gonna lie.
This is a tough decision.
260
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:16,550
Some deliberation music
while I go over the file.
261
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:19,510
♪ The judge is thinking,
the judge is thinking ♪
262
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:23,590
♪ And we are singing
while he thinks ♪
263
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,260
What's to think about?
264
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:27,310
The case is a lady
who fell in love with a bus
265
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:29,980
and tried to drive it back
to her house.
266
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:33,440
Okay. I've decided.
267
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:37,980
Ms. Brickton... if you want
monogamy, don't marry a bus.
268
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,820
Marry a penguin.
269
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:43,700
You think that's funny?
270
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,530
Wait until you see what happens
when he bangs his gavel.
271
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,200
Oh, I find the defendant
guilty.
272
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,040
What?
It didn't work.
273
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,210
Honestly, I expected more
from the Guaranteed Yuks section
274
00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:57,590
at Goof-About's Prank
and Discount Cellphones.
275
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,670
My way would've worked.
276
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:03,340
Unless he's one of those people
chloroform makes stronger.
277
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:05,800
Let's take ten.
278
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,560
Oh, it's times like these
279
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,730
I wish they hadn't taken down
my Ring camera.
280
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,280
All right.
281
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,740
Welcome to a friendly
but very mandatory mediation.
282
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,530
Is this really a matter for HR?
283
00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:30,490
I mean,
you did try to explode me.
284
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,410
I did set up a prank,
but not that prank.
285
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,790
Mine was a harmless whoopee
cushion with a smell component.
286
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:41,090
And after, I was gonna yell,
"Look who put the F-U in 'fun'!"
287
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:45,260
Instead, you put the F-U
in "full range of motion,"
288
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:47,220
which I've lost forever.
289
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,180
It's not fair.
He started it.
290
00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:51,020
With a few soft
and silly snakes.
291
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,560
He's not telling
the full story.
292
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:55,060
After the snakes,
he gave a mean laugh.
293
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:57,230
It was like this.
"Heh-heh-heh-heh!"
294
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,820
Only laugh you got all night.
295
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:02,440
Look.
Not all judges are fun!
296
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,780
And that's okay... for you.
297
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,530
I think you rigged that prank
to make me look bad.
298
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,830
And on top of it,
you're stealing all my cases.
299
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:13,040
I'm telling you, Jake.
This guy's a sneak.
300
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,910
This is sounding
a lot like the time
301
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,750
when you accused the pizza place
of stiffing you on garlic knots.
302
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,130
I paid for three knots!
303
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,250
They gave me two knots
and a nub.
304
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:22,420
Remember when you called
to complain?
305
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:25,220
You ate them all in a blind rage
while you berated the owner.
306
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,340
I would've gotten us a refund
if I hadn't said those things
307
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,840
about his mother.
- Yeah.
308
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:32,890
So you two used to munch knots
together.
309
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,390
We dated.
310
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,940
Did you dump her
because she wasn't fun?
311
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,770
No.
I was super fun.
312
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:40,020
He dumped me
because I lied to him.
313
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,730
So the liar is calling me
a sneak.
314
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:44,400
Don't use our relationship
against me.
315
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,900
We are in a good place.
316
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,030
He's dating a lovely girl
named Lucy.
317
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:50,450
Still?
Not important.
318
00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:51,910
Maybe we keep our history
out of this.
319
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:53,410
You know,
so it doesn't get awkward.
320
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,370
- Why would it get awkward?
- Because...
321
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:58,580
I have to suspend you
for one week starting tonight.
322
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:01,380
You know, as luck would
have it, my nights are free.
323
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:04,420
I-I'd be-- Yeah. I'd be happy
to take over for Judge Stone.
324
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:06,340
Oh, my G--
That's what this is!
325
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:08,550
He doesn't just want my cases.
He wants my court.
326
00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:11,800
You have to believe me.
- I-I don't know what to believe.
327
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:15,560
No. Jake, she's right.
I want night court.
328
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,810
It's the jewel in the Manhattan
judicial system's crown.
329
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:22,730
That's why I've been plotting
against her all this time.
330
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:25,030
Can you imagine?
331
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,160
That's how crazy you sound.
332
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:37,250
- What is all this?
- Oh!
333
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,920
This is all the bells
and whistles.
334
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,960
Better to have and not need
than need and not have.
335
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,340
Huh? Come on.
Hey.
336
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,840
Hey, everybody!
The director's here!
337
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,720
Let's put one in the can!
338
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,840
Here.
- Oh.
339
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,550
Action!
340
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:55,310
Booking is where you go
after you've been collared.
341
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,180
And speaking of collars,
342
00:14:57,180 --> 00:15:01,100
easy-on-and-off dog collars
are on sale right now.
343
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,020
Uh, Mr. Gasparov wants
you to hold the collars up
344
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,690
a little higher in the frame.
345
00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:08,400
Mr. Gasparov can kiss my ass.
346
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,030
Cut.
Let's take a five.
347
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,120
What's the matter?
348
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,620
Not enjoying
your Soviet dog food commercial?
349
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:21,710
I don't think this is my vision
anymore.
350
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,340
I don't even know
what he's supposed to be.
351
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,340
It all kind of got away from me.
352
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,590
Can I ask you a question?
353
00:15:30,590 --> 00:15:33,720
You could have gotten
somebody else to do this video.
354
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,390
Why ask me?
355
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:38,430
Because you capture
everything this place is.
356
00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:41,520
Underneath the tough exterior,
you're all heart.
357
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,940
Well, I feel the same way
about you.
358
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:48,570
One chief bailiff to another,
you got this.
359
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:51,820
Just block out all the noise
and do your thing.
360
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,110
- Thanks, Roz.
- Roz is absolutely right.
361
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,450
This is your vision.
You know what would be great?
362
00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,990
If your vision
could also include
363
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,790
someone holding this bag
of frozen mice.
364
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:03,460
All mouse. No nitrates.
365
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:07,000
Dan, if you bring any more
pet stuff into this set,
366
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,800
I'm gonna put you
in a freezer bag
367
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,920
and feed you to a snake.
368
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,340
Sorry, Gassy.
I thought you'd play along.
369
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,260
Apparently she's an artist.
370
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:22,430
I can't believe
I got suspended.
371
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,980
I'm a five-time winner of
the Courthouse Kindness Award.
372
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,310
Okay.
Yes, I give it out.
373
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,530
But last month, I almost lost
to a therapy dog named Bingo.
374
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:33,070
Well, at least you don't
have to clerk for Nulman.
375
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,660
What if he pranks me?
376
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,320
I don't want a locker
filled with angry crabs.
377
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,660
No offense,
but you two suck at turf wars.
378
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,710
You can't give up after
just one threatening message
379
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,580
written in prison pudding.
380
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,630
No!
You save that pudding.
381
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:50,250
And you make your enemies
eat it.
382
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,710
What am I supposed to do?
383
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,340
Jake doesn't believe anything
I say.
384
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:56,050
We need proof
that Nulman is out to get you.
385
00:16:56,050 --> 00:16:57,890
Now, you hide a tape recorder
386
00:16:57,890 --> 00:17:00,560
and you trick him into admitting
what he did.
387
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,680
He has what he wants.
Why would he meet with me again?
388
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,640
Ah.
Leave it to me.
389
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,310
Oh.
She told me to do that.
390
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,570
Well. she's fabulous.
I can't stay mad at her.
391
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:16,070
But you?
I'm calling HR.
392
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,070
You're welcome.
393
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,290
I see your boyfriend's late.
394
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:26,210
May I come in,
395
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,960
or are you going to accuse me
of giving you that haircut?
396
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,710
You know what?
397
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:34,170
I deserve that, 'cause I have
been acting crazy.
398
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,880
You're not some devious
mastermind.
399
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,220
You're just a goofball judge
who got lucky.
400
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,600
Aww.
401
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,640
Sweetie,
it was a little more than luck.
402
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,390
Was it?
403
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:48,150
Because if that reporter came
when I was on the bench,
404
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,860
that article would have been
written about me.
405
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,690
You think career-defining
articles just happen?
406
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,230
No.
407
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,030
I orchestrated every moment
of my ascension
408
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,950
and your failure.
409
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:01,330
Airbagging myself
and getting you banished
410
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,080
was just the beginning.
411
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,450
With your court
and its crazy cases,
412
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,710
there'll be no stopping me.
413
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:12,340
TV, podcast,
Fun Judge Robe Snuggies on QVC.
414
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:15,630
I'll have it all. A-ha-ha-ha.
A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
415
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,930
And that's how you do
my mean laugh.
416
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,430
You just laughed
your last laugh
417
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:25,220
while falling for
the oldest trick in the book.
418
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:28,890
Because... my tape recorder
is really old,
419
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,020
and it's in this book.
420
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,020
Aah!
Soft, silly snakes!
421
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,400
Looking for this?
422
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,360
Your clerk told me your plan
423
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,370
because he was afraid
I'd put crabs in his locker.
424
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,200
Which I hadn't even
thought of--
425
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,870
and then totally did.
426
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:46,910
You won't get away with this.
427
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:48,750
You sure?
428
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,790
'Cause I really feel like
I'm gettin' away with this.
429
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:52,790
Oh, yeah?
430
00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:54,590
I thought I'd have a good
entrance line
431
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:56,630
once I got in here.
432
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,420
Sorry.
What's happening?
433
00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:00,630
I caught your confession
on Julianne's Ring camera.
434
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,050
And I was in on it
the whole time.
435
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:05,010
No, you weren't.
- No, I wasn't.
436
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,640
But I'm pleased and surprised
by this whole turn of events.
437
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:09,890
So what?
438
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,070
I'll move to Jersey court
and be on TV by Q1 next year.
439
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:19,700
Fun judge is going to be
in syndication, bitches.
440
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,070
Thank you for believing me.
441
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:25,160
I knew you would never
hurt someone on purpose.
442
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:26,790
And I called the pizza place.
443
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,660
They've been trying to
pass off nubs as knots
444
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,750
since the pandemic.
- And the vegan pepperoni?
445
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,710
- Oh, yeah.
- I knew it was band-aids!
446
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,130
You know, I-I've been
thinking about you a lot
447
00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:37,630
since we broke up--
448
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:40,260
which is probably
why Lucy and I broke up.
449
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,800
Oh, Jake.
450
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,640
I'm so sorry...
that I'm so happy right now.
451
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:52,230
Oh, will you nut up
and kiss him already?
452
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:54,190
I'll take this.
453
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,940
So, where were we?
454
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,240
You really think
that's my only camera?
455
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:05,320
I should probably go
deal with that, but, um...
456
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,030
want to get coffee sometime?
457
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,910
You think you can just
suspend me and then ask me out?
458
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,330
'Cause you totally can.
459
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,840
And if you learn nothing else
from this video,
460
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,050
know that all are welcome here.
461
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:22,510
Also know that
the women's restroom on 3
462
00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:26,430
is out of service
and always will be.
463
00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:33,640
That was incredible.
464
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,650
How long is it supposed to be?
- Two minutes.
465
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:37,520
- And how long is it?
- Four hours.
466
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:41,780
That video was strange.
It was beautiful.
467
00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:43,650
It was you.
468
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,660
You even gave the product
placement dramatic importance.
469
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:48,780
I mean, I felt like I was
the dog food,
470
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,620
the dog food... was me.
471
00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:54,040
{\an8}You know, if there's a sequel,
you could add some romance,
472
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,170
{\an8}'cause that can happen
in this courthouse.
473
00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:59,170
{\an8}She wants us to ask
about her and Jake.
474
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:03,260
{\an8}Which one's Jake?
The green man covered in balls?
475
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,260
{\an8}No. That's Sandy.
He's not into her.
476
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,350
{\an8}Good work all around.
I'll tell you what.
477
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,600
{\an8}Why don't we celebrate
by each of us adopting
478
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,730
{\an8}and raising a dog?
479
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,400
{\an8}You were paid in dogs,
weren't you?
480
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,900
{\an8}And frozen mice.
Ah!
481
00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:21,320
{\an8}But those I can sell
to the cafeteria.
36837
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