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1
00:00:05,256 --> 00:00:07,257
{\an8}Yikes!
2
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:10,135
{\an8}Courthouse cafeteria
lobster roll?
3
00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:14,431
{\an8}20 bucks says you can't
keep that down for two hours.
4
00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:17,851
You're talking to a woman who
once ate calamari in The Hole.
5
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,228
Oh. You know, we get it.
You were in prison.
6
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,648
The Hole is what
I call the state of Ohio.
7
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,901
The water in the water fountain
is carbonated again.
8
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,820
Can't tell
if it's concerning or fancy.
9
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:31,906
Well, it depends.
Do you consider tetanus fancy?
10
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,451
So, my favorite
law professor e-mailed,
11
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:36,703
and she needs a speaker
for a lecture next week.
12
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,705
Do you want to do it?
- Abby, you know I only
13
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,583
ever leave the city
for farm-to-table dining, hm?
14
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:44,294
- I was asking Julianne.
- And I was saying yes.
15
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,962
Aww!
16
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,839
Why would I ask you, Dan?
You'll just say no.
17
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,507
That's even more hurtful.
18
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,468
You know how much
I love saying no to things.
19
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:53,470
I do. You're the only person
I've seen giddy
20
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:56,223
from rejecting
a computer software update.
21
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,769
Oh, Dan. Always the duck-duck,
never the goose.
22
00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:02,687
You can't blame her.
23
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,023
I mean, she did choose
the better lawyer.
24
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:08,485
Uh-- [ Grumbles] You think
you're the better lawyer?
25
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:11,696
The only way I would believe
that is if I argued it in court,
26
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,948
and I wouldn't argue it
because I'm the better lawyer.
27
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,535
Do you see the conundrum
we have here?
28
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:18,787
You sound crazy.
29
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:20,163
You know,
and that's coming from someone
30
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:22,665
who spent six months
in a group home.
31
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:26,085
The group was the Bee Gees.
And I dated all three.
32
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,088
So many teeth.
33
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,550
I'll tell you what. You pick
any case on the docket tonight,
34
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:36,138
and I will beat the cashmere
blend pants off of ya.
35
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:41,143
Hey, look! Look!
There's Mr. Fielding!
36
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,687
- Oh, God.
- Dan, do you know
37
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:48,024
those two Great Depression
time travelers?
38
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,484
Do not make eye contact.
39
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,361
That's Bob and June Wheeler,
40
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:54,823
the only living creatures
I know who can haunt a place.
41
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,742
Mr. Fielding! Mr. Fielding!
42
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,707
Oh, no, Dan.
43
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,711
You might have to defend us
for that, too.
44
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,842
I think we found our case.
45
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,426
Oh, but you're
such a good lawyer.
46
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,846
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Knock on wood.
47
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:20,306
Don't let 'em knock
on anything.
48
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,065
Thanks again for showing me
to the cafeteria.
49
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,776
I can't believe I almost ate
my sandwich in the morgue!
50
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,528
{\an8}They do look similar,
but the people
51
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,530
{\an8}lying on the tables in here
are just super-drunk.
52
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,741
{\an8}Ohh! Cute and funny.
53
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,326
{\an8}I'm Crash, by the way.
54
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,328
{\an8}Crash.
I like a one-syllable name.
55
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,415
{\an8}I'm Abby. That's two syllables.
So stupid.
56
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,085
{\an8}Well, here's two
one-syllable words.
57
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,296
{\an8}call me.
58
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,674
{\an8}Looks like that
industrial-strength deodorant
59
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,509
{\an8}is really payin' off.
60
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,261
{\an8}Abby, pull yourself together.
61
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,555
{\an8}People are trying to eavesdrop.
62
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,391
{\an8}That guy was super-hot.
Like "red eye" hot.
63
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,268
{\an8}Like, I want to ride him
for six hours
64
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,396
{\an8}and wake up in a different city.
65
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:10,940
{\an8}Yeah, too bad there's
something wrong with him.
66
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,444
{\an8}Is he the kayaker
in the herpes commercial?
67
00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:16,029
{\an8}Man, you wish.
A working actor would be
68
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,323
{\an8}an improvement
over the guys you've dated.
69
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,951
{\an8}Since your breakup,
it's been a loser convention.
70
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,704
{\an8}Remember the guy
who only wore terrycloth?
71
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,247
{\an8}I don't know.
Must have been nice,
72
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,625
{\an8}always having a towel
right there.
73
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:31,836
{\an8}Okay, so maybe my radar
has been a little off lately,
74
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,422
{\an8}but I have a feeling that Crash
is gonna break that streak.
75
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:38,509
{\an8}I mean, those teeth? No way
those come off when he sleeps.
76
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,762
{\an8}I bet he makes noises
when he kisses.
77
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:42,765
{\an8}Myom-myom-myom!
78
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,392
{\an8}Get used to that.
- Hm.
79
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,064
{\an8}The People vs.
Bob and June Wheeler.
80
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,650
{\an8}Aww! The Wheelers!
Welcome back!
81
00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:55,944
{\an8}And may I remind everyone,
in case of an emergency,
82
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:59,113
{\an8}the exits are in the front
and the back of the courtroom.
83
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,074
{\an8}Sorry, Judge.
84
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,868
{\an8}Trouble seems to find us
like we owe it money.
85
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,620
{\an8}And we don't.
86
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,832
{\an8}Unless "trouble" is what
they call the IRS these days.
87
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,460
{\an8}The defendants are charged
with destruction of property
88
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,129
{\an8}after their chickens
burrowed out of their apartment
89
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,800
{\an8}and into a nearby
massage parlor.
90
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,720
{\an8}From what we hear,
it was not a happy ending.
91
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,556
{\an8}My clients were nowhere near
the scene of the alleged crime,
92
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,225
and I don't think it's necessary
to go into detail
93
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,687
as to where they--
- It was date night.
94
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,022
I took the missus
to her favorite restaurant--
95
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,651
Trader Joe's
free sample station.
96
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,278
- Mmm!
- Mmm!
97
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,115
It doesn't matter where they
were when the crime happened.
98
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,992
They own the chickens
and are responsible
99
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,244
for the damages
to their neighbor's business.
100
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:50,373
Oh, technically, uh,
they're not our neighbors,
101
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,209
since we're squattin'.
102
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,382
Technically, you're not
charged with that, so shush!
103
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,385
You know what they say.
104
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,721
Home is where the heart is.
105
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,514
And in our case,
the hearts are
106
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,685
in the bathtub full of ice
until we can find a buyer.
107
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522
Permission
to approach the bench.
108
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,275
I would like to ask
for a continuance
109
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,527
so I can educate my clients
on their right to remain silent
110
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,947
and to go pick up some duct tape
in order to enforce that right.
111
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,241
Well, Dan,
I'm feeling generous,
112
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,951
so I can offer you a plea deal.
113
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:30,455
I mean, yeah, you'll lose,
but, honestly,
114
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,708
I can't think of anybody
who could win this case.
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00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,209
A good lawyer
can win this case,
116
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,878
regardless of what
the evidence is
117
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,380
or what the law
clearly states or...
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00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:42,258
which gods hate my clients.
119
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,260
Hey. It's fine with me.
120
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,722
Watching men struggle
is one of life's great joys.
121
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,099
I'll allow it. I don't
understand it, but I love it.
122
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,893
I'm excited but I'm impartial,
so I will allow it,
123
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,811
which is all I will say,
even though I said much more.
124
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,564
Court adjourned.
125
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,649
Look, Judge.
Your boyfriend is here.
126
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,068
Oh.
127
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,778
Why is he hugging
the Wheelers?
128
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,613
I mean,
t-that doesn't mean anything.
129
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,448
I hug strangers all the time.
130
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,701
I hug the Domino's guy
when I'm really hungry.
131
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:13,247
Oh! That's what's wrong
with him. He's a Wheeler.
132
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,999
It could be worse.
133
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,710
Myom-myom-myom-myom!
134
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,547
Never mind.
That's as bad as it gets.
135
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,095
Okay. Look.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
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00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,971
They have a strong case
against you,
137
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:32,017
especially given how much
you admit to all the charges.
138
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,812
As Dan's paralegal,
I'd like to go on record
139
00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:38,857
as saying
you have excellent snacks.
140
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,359
- Murray.
- Hm?
141
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,777
- That's chicken feed.
- Are you sure?
142
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:45,071
There's a chicken on the bag!
143
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,116
So Frosted Flakes
are just for tigers?
144
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:50,159
And you have to be a sea captain
to enjoy
145
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,495
the mouth-cutting delight
that is Cap'n Crunch?
146
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:55,998
You--
You sound ridiculous, Dan!
147
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,416
Can he be our lawyer?
148
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,212
Oh! You can't afford me.
149
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,756
Alright. Look.
You're only guilty
150
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,300
if the prosecution can prove
that you own those chickens.
151
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,386
And I can win this
if you just don't admit
152
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,720
to owning those birds!
153
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,389
- But those are our bir--
- Stop!
154
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,807
- We are the ow--
- Don't!
155
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,308
We're the only parents
they ever ha--
156
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,477
Shoosh!
157
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,688
As far as you're concerned,
those birds flew to the city
158
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,858
to make it big on Broadway.
159
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:26,612
Oh, look! Santa's made it
to the Island of Misfit Toys.
160
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,531
Hey, Miss Julianne.
161
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,449
Guess what we're not
supposed to say we own,
162
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,119
except that we do.
- You just-- Would you--
163
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,704
Hey, Bob. Here.
Here's a quarter.
164
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,289
Go buy a gumball
or something else
165
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,750
that'll fit perfectly
in your esophagus.
166
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:42,588
I have an esophagus, too,
you know.
167
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,470
Dan, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing I told my shrink.
168
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,348
You're wasting your time.
169
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,933
And you are not gonna be happy
170
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,311
when you see the surprise
I have in store for you.
171
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,355
The joke's on you.
I'm never happy.
172
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,691
Look. She must have
a surprise witness.
173
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,735
Find out who it is.
- Oh, I don't know, Dan.
174
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,361
She went to a lot of trouble.
175
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,740
Are you sure you want
to ruin the surprise?
176
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,411
Alright.
Crash Wheeler pros and cons.
177
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,039
The pros are obvious.
Cute. Sweet.
178
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,540
Carries himself
with the confidence
179
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,168
of a man with six to eight abs.
180
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,712
I don't know
if this is a pro or con,
181
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:28,008
but his whole family is cursed.
182
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,677
Okay, but we don't know
that he's cursed.
183
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,763
He's not like them
in other ways.
184
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:37,226
I mean, he looks like he's at
least aware of indoor plumbing.
185
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,811
There's only one way
to find out.
186
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,189
Hey, Crash!
- Mnh! Inviting the curse over?
187
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,649
What's the point of ranting
188
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,276
if you're just
gonna do it anyway?
189
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,612
Hey, Abby.
This is my sister, Carol Ann.
190
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,697
Nice to see you again, Judge!
191
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,452
Well, nice to see anything
after staring at that eclipse.
192
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,252
So, I was thinking
it might be good
193
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,212
to get to know each other
a little better.
194
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,715
Like, what's your favorite food?
What's your favorite animal?
195
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,469
Are you the victim
of an ancient hillbilly curse?
196
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,888
My brother
is definitely cursed.
197
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,391
Do you know this dummy has a job
198
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,893
and he don't even
get paid for it?
199
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,021
It's called volunteering.
200
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,898
I help at
the Boys & Girls Club.
201
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,777
Oh, yeah? Well, he was in
an institution for four years.
202
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,029
College.
203
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,031
I graduated from UPenn.
204
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,326
Short for U-Penitentiary.
205
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,870
I assume you know it's not.
206
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,998
So, just to be clear,
207
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,958
you're a hottie
with an Ivy League degree?
208
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,669
Which you've applied
towards helping America's youth?
209
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,213
All while using those muscles
to flip tires
210
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:52,301
and flail big ropes
in your private sweat cathedral?
211
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,598
See? What a zero.
212
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,143
He don't even talk good
like we done.
213
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,939
I have to run.
Red Cross is calling
214
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,899
about an emergency
blood donation.
215
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,154
I'm a universal donor,
so I'm everybody's type.
216
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,198
- Yeah, you are.
- Yeah, you are.
217
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:21,287
Uh, what's a four-letter word
for breakfast?
218
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,790
Oh. Never mind. It's sudoku.
219
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,252
Oh. There you are. Tell me
you found the surprise witness
220
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,380
and you weren't sidetracked
by a balloon again.
221
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,923
That balloon
looked just like me.
222
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,259
If anything,
I didn't look at it enough.
223
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,261
But, Dan, Dan, Dan. Focus.
224
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,014
I followed Julianne all night,
and, boy, was it fruitful.
225
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,433
"9:15.
226
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,353
J...exits courthouse.
227
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:49,190
Receives mysterious package
from man at a cart.
228
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:52,902
Package turns out
to be a hot dog."
229
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:57,239
Then there's a lot of stuff
here about that hot dog.
230
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,574
Oh! Here we go.
231
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,576
"9:15 again.
232
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,246
I realize
it can't still be 9:15.
233
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:07,041
My watch must be dead.
234
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:12,505
9:15-- I ask J for the time.
235
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,343
She says to stop
'following' her."
236
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,262
How is this fruitful?
237
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:23,766
Reconvening!
People vs. Bob and June Wheeler.
238
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,268
Oh. Look at us,
reconvening like a real court.
239
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,853
I'm proud of us.
240
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,189
Your Honor,
I'd like to call a witness.
241
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,358
Ms. Carol Ann Wheeler.
242
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,570
Well, I'll be damned.
243
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:40,282
She has the same name
as our daughter!
244
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,202
And her face, too!
245
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,371
Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,
246
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,123
and nothing but the truth,
and try to use correct grammar
247
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,541
so we can all follow it?
248
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,835
I did.
249
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,212
Ms. Wheeler, where do you work?
250
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,132
I'm a feed rep for
General Frumpton's Chicken Feed.
251
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,052
Frumpton's: it's what
the thing you eat eats.
252
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,556
Carol Ann, tell me.
Whose name is signed
253
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:06,517
on this invoice
for 20 pounds of chicken feed?
254
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,603
Oh! I'd recognize
that big X anywhere.
255
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:13,649
That's my daddy's signature.
Bobert Wheeler.
256
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,734
Uh, Your Honor, objection.
257
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,154
Purchasing feed
does not prove ownership.
258
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,657
I happen to recall a woman
who bought a number of cat toys
259
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,284
but never actually owned a--
- Ah. Sustained.
260
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,786
Movin' right along.
261
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,496
I'd also like
to enter into evidence
262
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,039
this thank-you note
263
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,876
written in
Mrs. Wheeler's handwriting.
264
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,919
"Thank you for being
the best big sister
265
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,254
us chickens could ask for.
266
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,714
The feed was delicious.
267
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,674
Lots of cluck,
Edna, Otis, James..."
268
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,010
Okay. I'm not reading
40 chicken names!
269
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:43,053
No further questions,
Your Honor.
270
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,805
It never occurred to you
to mention
271
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,558
that your daughter was your
chicken-feed dealer?
272
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,478
Why? You need feed?
273
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,939
I can hook it up.
274
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,736
I don't know.
I got to be missing something.
275
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,321
No chicken could cause that kind
of damage to a massage parlor.
276
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,989
I mean,
what kind of crazy chicken
277
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,950
pecks hot stones into gravel?!
278
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,621
Two words! Foghorn Leghorn!
279
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:12,166
You find that cartoon chicken,
we blow this case wide open!
280
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:15,252
Murray. Murray. Calm down.
We can figure this out.
281
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,713
Now, tell me. What kind of dirt
did you dig up on Carol Ann?
282
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,132
Oh. Lots of dirt.
Lots of dirt.
283
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,760
And twigs.
And abandoned shoelaces.
284
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,179
What the-- Hey! What?!
What the hell?!
285
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,722
I'm trying to build a case here!
286
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,807
What are you doing,
making a nest?!
287
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,143
I didn't like the way
those papers were looking at me.
288
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:35,064
And I heard
what those shoelaces said!
289
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,857
- Murray.
- Hm?
290
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,901
How long have you been
eating Frumpton's feed?
291
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,780
I don't know. One sunrise.
292
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,866
Murray, I think
you just saved my case.
293
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,118
That food is poison!
294
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,579
You gotta promise me
you will not stop eating it
295
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,665
until we beat Julianne.
296
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,084
- You know I won't.
- Oh! Ha ha!
297
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,754
Alright.
298
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,384
These are beautiful.
299
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,469
My family thinks
flowers are a waste of money.
300
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,887
That's why at their wedding
301
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,932
Mama threw a bouquet
of hose parts.
302
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,271
Sorry. What?
I was just thinking about
303
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,941
how your jaw line
could cut fudge!
304
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,151
Hi, Crash!
305
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,529
Girl, calm down.
There's no need to yell.
306
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,698
I'll see you tonight.
307
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,741
So you're going out
with a Wheeler?
308
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,910
Yep. And he brought me
these beautiful flowers...
309
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,373
...that are, for some reason,
hissing at me.
310
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,958
Maybe because they were picked
311
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,211
by a cursed man
from a cursed garden.
312
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,796
Would a cursed man be taking me
313
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,590
to a hot new
Italian restaurant tonight?
314
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,800
By any chance,
is it Nicolazzo's?
315
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,218
Oh, yeah.
Have you heard good things?
316
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,638
{\an8}It's burning down right now.
317
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,105
Ooh!
318
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,735
Ms. Wheeler,
you recognize this man?
319
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:06,406
No, but he kinda looks like
a balloon I saw once.
320
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,159
This is Murray Flobert,
a loving husband,
321
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,453
a respected judge,
322
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,163
a song-and-dance man.
323
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,457
It's song or dance man!
324
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,336
I cannot do them together!
No one can!
325
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,632
But lately,
he has been quick to rage.
326
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:27,426
What's changed? His diet.
327
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,596
He's been eating
General Frumpton's feed,
328
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,099
the same feed that was given
to the Wheelers' chickens.
329
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,352
If the defense
wants to waste people's time
330
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,062
with unfounded claims,
then he should just
331
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,815
bitch to his doorman
like a normal New Yorker!
332
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:45,235
There is nothin' in our feed
that would cause violence.
333
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,154
The only side effect
is happy birds
334
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,492
with the biggest chicken
knockers you've ever seen!
335
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:56,288
Perhaps you wouldn't mind
demonstrating to us
336
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,459
how harmless the feed is by...
337
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,961
...eating it.
- Objection! No.
338
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,922
This is clearly
food for animals.
339
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,965
There's-- There's
a chicken on the bag.
340
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,676
So you have to be a leprechaun
341
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,844
to enjoy the
chalky marshmallow hell
342
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,722
that is Lucky Charms?!
343
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,393
That logic is bulletproof.
Overruled.
344
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,269
It's fine.
345
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,231
I'd be delighted
to have a tasty bite. Mmm!
346
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,694
Can Really taste the corn
and the-- and the millet. Mmm!
347
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,029
Nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum,
nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum!
348
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:33,659
Let the record show that the
witness is clearly fake eating
349
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:38,330
and that her space work
is middling at best.
350
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,208
Why won't you eat the feed,
Carol Ann?
351
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,212
Why won't you eat the feed?!
352
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,214
Because it's full
of steroids
353
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,093
and I'm happy with
the size of my knockers!
354
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,638
So the chickens' violence
355
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,765
is not the Wheelers' fault
at all!
356
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:01,437
The blame falls squarely
on General Frumpton's shoulders!
357
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:04,106
No more questions, Your Honor.
- You may step down.
358
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,024
As a reformed arsonist,
I'm not so sure
359
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,485
you're supposed to be
this close to me because,
360
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,864
hoo-hoo, I'm on fire!
361
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,742
Freakin' Wheelers.
362
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,161
They may be the most
insufferable family
363
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:20,123
I've ever met, and I went
camping with the Mansons.
364
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,375
Alright. Listen. We did it.
365
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,127
Now all you have to do
is testify
366
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,963
that you gave the feed
to the chickens, and we win.
367
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,548
- Seems simple enough.
- Yeah.
368
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,303
Your Honor,
we change our plea to guilty.
369
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:39,559
We're taking the deal that
flight attendant offered us.
370
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,187
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?!
371
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,772
I object! Wait.
372
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,732
Can I object to my own clients?
373
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,026
Well, you know,
when life gives you lemons,
374
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:52,446
you don't ask
why the lemons are so stupid.
375
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,490
You got a deal.
376
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,659
Okay. Court is adjourned.
377
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:02,874
I want it on the record.
This is in no way curse-related.
378
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,420
I can't believe I lost.
379
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,297
I can't believe I won.
380
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,549
I mean, I knew I'd win until
the moment I thought you'd won,
381
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,803
and then
I couldn't believe I won.
382
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,931
You know, I'm getting sick
of defending people.
383
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,724
Oh! Wait.
384
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,810
What does a lighthouse keeper
pull down these days?
385
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,021
I mean,
I've already got the beard.
386
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,607
And I love being alone.
- Yeah.
387
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,983
Well, for what it's worth,
388
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,277
you did a hell of a job
up there.
389
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,112
You too.
390
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,615
Actually, it's the best fun
I've had in quite a while
391
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,408
till the Wheelers
threw me under the bus.
392
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,538
Well, as the bus,
it was my favorite part.
393
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,456
Hey, there, Mr. Fielding!
394
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,626
Bye, there, Mr. Fielding!
395
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,963
We just wanted to say
thank you.
396
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,382
Because of your
good lawyering,
397
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,218
General Frumpton
gave us a financial reward
398
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,095
in exchange for our silence.
399
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,680
So that's why you took
the plea deal, huh?
400
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,348
Screwed me
for a little bit of money.
401
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,935
- It was a lot of bit of money.
- Yeah...
402
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,895
But some of it is for you.
403
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,397
No, I don't want your curse.
404
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:11,859
Ohh!
405
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,777
$300,000?
406
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,197
We're using the rest to open
our own theme park--
407
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:19,992
Wheeler World.
408
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:23,204
It's like a water park
but with mud.
409
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,751
We're looking for investors.
410
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:37,009
Yes. I would, um,
like to invest in my future.
411
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,427
There you go.
412
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,180
Please... never come back.
413
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,895
We could never quit him.
414
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,482
Still no word from Abby.
415
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,277
No, but I have
a Google alert set
416
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,655
for "blonde, judge,
terrible accident."
417
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,868
Oh. False alarm.
418
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,204
Heidi Klum
fell off a trampoline.
419
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:10,208
There's someone who hasn't
been struck by indoor lightning!
420
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,502
Did your date go well?
- Mm-hmm.
421
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,880
- Did you get a good-night kiss?
- Mm-hmm.
422
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,340
Did that kiss
do something to you
423
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,550
that makes it hard
for you to speak?
424
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,511
What makes ya say that?
425
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,138
Why are you talking
like a Wheeler?
426
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,766
The curse!
427
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,768
It's not a curse.
428
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,354
What it was, was we was
kissing in the French style,
429
00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:32,522
and I had a reaction
to the shrimp he ate.
430
00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:35,442
So now my lips are numb
and my tongue is big.
431
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,695
Abby, if this is what happens
after only one date,
432
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,697
we're all in grave danger.
433
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:43,618
Come on! There's no
such thing as a curse.
434
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,039
Okay. Look.
435
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,749
There's a great person
out there for you.
436
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,209
{\an8}But you're never gonna find him
437
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,295
{\an8}if a piano lands on your head.
438
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,255
{\an8}Dagnabbit.
You guys are so sweet.
439
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,799
{\an8}- Oh, hell no!
- Get that cursed monkey paw
440
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,009
{\an8}away from me!
441
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,388
{\an8}Okay. Fine. I'll call it off.
442
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:07,516
{\an8}"Crash. We can't see
each other no more.
443
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,309
{\an8}Goodbye forever."
444
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,978
{\an8}There. Did it.
445
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,114
{\an8}Fine. I'll done do it
for real this time.
446
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,076
{\an8}It's funny!
34491
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