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00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,796
The defendant is
a jilted lover charged
2
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,507
with destruction of property
for branding her former partner
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,385
with a scarlet letter.
4
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,096
I'm sorry. Branding?
5
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:15,098
I think a couple of painted
shirts was not only warranted,
6
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:19,519
but also a classy
literary reference.
7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,187
According to the defendant,
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,356
this is not based
on any literary work.
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,526
The "A" is for "asshat."
10
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,779
Regardless, there is
nothing innocent about this man,
11
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,365
which this witness
will attest to.
12
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,369
This is the TaskRabbit
that he hired to dump my client.
13
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,830
That's right.
We do all kinds of odd jobs.
14
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:43,543
Last week, I dressed up like
a ghost to scare a mean old man.
15
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,295
Time served.
16
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,005
And the next time
you have to deliver bad news,
17
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:50,216
do it like a normal coward--
fake your own death.
18
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,052
Five-minute recess.
19
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,679
I'm sorry, sir,
20
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,806
models for the Nike shoot
are down the hall.
21
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,975
Just wanted to say hi
before I head to my pickup game.
22
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,144
Hi.
23
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,855
Jake.
I didn't know you ball.
24
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,815
That seems kind of risky
in those ultra-low tops.
25
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,734
Well, they're primarily
to accommodate my bunions.
26
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,152
I'm in the middle
of a blister cycle--
27
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,696
Say no more.
28
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,907
Please.
29
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,992
So, what'd you get me?
30
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,702
Our six-month anniversary?
31
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,662
The traditional gift is
Tupperware.
32
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:22,499
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I totally blew it. Stupid!
33
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,376
And I was just
at a Tupperware store.
34
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,003
Just kidding.
35
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,671
People don't celebrate
six months of anything.
36
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:31,841
Unless your doctor
only gave you five.
37
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,843
Well, I didn't know.
38
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,054
This is the longest relationship
I've ever been in.
39
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:45,563
Look at me
laying tracks on fresh powder.
40
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:48,025
Anyway, have fun tonight.
- Okay.
41
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,445
Does anyone else think
it's weird that...
42
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,863
He's never been
in a relationship
43
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,698
more than six months?
Hell, yeah.
44
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,200
- Weirdo.
- Big red flag.
45
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,786
Run.
46
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,747
Great. So we're all
on the same page, then.
47
00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,714
{\an8}I'm probably overthinking
this-six month thing.
48
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,716
{\an8}Maybe Jake is just
unlucky in love.
49
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,969
{\an8}Or maybe something really
freaky comes out at six months,
50
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,221
{\an8}like he wants to make a suit
out of your skin.
51
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:21,474
{\an8}Or worse-- he's a Disney adult.
52
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,811
{\an8}No, I think I would know
if Jake was a secret freak.
53
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,896
{\an8}- What was that?
- What was what?
54
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,650
{\an8}Call Meryl Streep, Wyatt,
because that was Doubt.
55
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,735
{\an8}Okay, maybe
there's a little bit of doubt,
56
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,488
{\an8}but that's just because
things started out so great.
57
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,490
{\an8}I met his mom at three weeks.
58
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,327
{\an8}I stopped pretending to like
his guitar playing at five.
59
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,413
{\an8}And now it feels like
we hit a wall.
60
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,081
{\an8}We haven't even said
"I love you."
61
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,583
{\an8}Probably 'cause it's weird
to say "I love you"
62
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,835
{\an8}to someone you're gonna
make into a suit.
63
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,004
{\an8}Jake is definitely
hiding something.
64
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,589
{\an8}His sneakers? Those are not
65
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,925
{\an8}bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
66
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,928
{\an8}These are bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
67
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,139
{\an8}So-- So what are you saying?
That he's lying to me
68
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,682
{\an8}about playing basketball
every Thursday?
69
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,350
{\an8}I'll put it like this.
70
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,437
{\an8}My ex-wife took a French
cooking class for a year.
71
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,647
{\an8}Ask me how many quiches I had.
72
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,276
{\an8}None, Abby. None quiches.
73
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,278
{\an8}There's only one way
to know for sure.
74
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,281
{\an8}We tail him and do a stakeout.
No--
75
00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:21,826
{\an8}A Jake-out.
Yeah, we all got there.
76
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,662
{\an8}I'm not gonna spy
on my boy..."Friends"
77
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,122
{\an8}was a good show.
78
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,125
{\an8}Monica was the neat one.
79
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,877
{\an8}I just popped in
to grab a water for the game.
80
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,296
{\an8}Oh. Hey.
Uh, what if I came by tonight
81
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,214
{\an8}and watched you hoop it up?
- No!
82
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,800
{\an8}I mean, you can't.
They keep spectators out
83
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,719
{\an8}because there are some
pretty big celebrities who play.
84
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,804
{\an8}Really? Like who?
85
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,514
{\an8}Uh, Ariana Grande
86
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,183
{\an8}and Everybody Loves Raymond.
87
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:48,311
{\an8}Fun fact-- on the court,
not everybody loves him.
88
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,314
{\an8}Anyway, see you later.
89
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,610
Okay, fine!
We'll go on the Jake-out.
90
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,404
Well, how do you like that,
Dan?
91
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,490
Nine wins in a row.
92
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,076
An entire baseball team being
convicted of indecent exposure
93
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:06,496
is one win, not nine.
94
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,206
I know it's a long shot,
but do you know
95
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:09,582
where I could get binoculars
this time of night?
96
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,418
Opera or stalking?
97
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,087
It's not stalking.
98
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,339
I'm just covertly following
my lying boyfriend
99
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,340
to see what he's up to.
100
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,384
So stalking, then.
101
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,761
Try the evidence locker.
A lot of peeping toms this week.
102
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,013
It's the weather.
103
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:28,601
Ooh! I don't miss those days.
104
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,728
Suspicious of every boyfriend,
105
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,189
eavesdropping on calls,
106
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,527
taking little cat naps on
the branch outside their window.
107
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,033
Yeah, I can't relate,
mostly because I'm not insane.
108
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,244
But also I'm a very good judge
of character.
109
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,453
Oh, really?
110
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,539
Because you did ask me out
111
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,750
while I was actively
planning your destruction.
112
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,919
Although, in your defense, uh,
113
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,879
you were blinded because
of your attraction to me,
114
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,133
and you probably still are.
115
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,386
Oh, Julianne,
this is so exciting.
116
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,722
I've never used
this phrase before.
117
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:08,183
- Hmm?
- As if.
118
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,563
Oh, really? So you have no
feelings for me whatsoever?
119
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:17,192
Even if I stroked your arm...
120
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,653
...and looked into your eyes
121
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,614
and listened while you explained
122
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,076
how the Brooklyn Bridge
was built?
123
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,830
You wouldn't feel anything?
124
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,166
Oh, Julianne,
125
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:36,836
you're gonna have to do
a lot better than that.
126
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,504
Unlike the Brooklyn Bridge,
127
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,507
you ain't that hard to get over.
128
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,099
You know,
when I agreed to do a stakeout,
129
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,643
I didn't realize that we'd be
in a car the color of the sun
130
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,855
{\an8}with a license plate
that says "GURGS."
131
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,777
Don't worry.
We know what we're doing.
132
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,280
He's getting out of his car!
Get down!
133
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,285
Oh, he's getting something
out of the trunk.
134
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,120
Oh, it's a duffle bag.
135
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,955
See? The story checks out.
136
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,666
He's parked outside a gym
with a bag full of basketballs.
137
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,627
Those aren't basketballs.
138
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,295
And as the returning champion
of an unaired game show
139
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,006
called "What's In That Bag,"
I would know.
140
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,841
- You're crazy.
- Sorry, Abby.
141
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,887
I gotta know...
What's! In! That! Bag!
142
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,722
Gurgs, get back here.
143
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,308
Oh, no. I'm not here.
I'm not seeing this.
144
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,143
Uh, no one's seeing anything.
145
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,647
I think Gurgs just dropped
a smoke bomb for cover.
146
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,190
What?!
147
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,318
What did you do?!
You-- You took his bag?
148
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,195
I was in and out.
Burn rubber, Wyatt!
149
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,364
- I'm in the back seat.
- Oh.
150
00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:48,491
These goggles don't work.
I can't see.
151
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,162
I think we may have
figured out
152
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,749
why Jake can't hold on
to a girlfriend.
153
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,086
I'm gonna say it.
154
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,588
I wish he was cheating on me.
155
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,927
Okay, there has to be
an explanation
156
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,428
for why Jake has this doll.
- There is.
157
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,514
You're not getting it done
in the bedroom.
158
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,182
We don't know
it's that kind of doll.
159
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,268
Maybe he uses it as a companion.
160
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:18,187
So he's in the friend zone
with a sex doll?
161
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,690
Abs? It's Jake.
162
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:21,691
Why is the door locked?
163
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,526
Here I come. Um...
164
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,903
I was just, uh,
fighting off a dog!
165
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,780
- Woof-woof!
- Yip, yip!
166
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,575
I said a dog, not two dogs.
167
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:32,828
Just get rid of it!
168
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,208
Wh-- Are you all right?
169
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,918
It sounded like
you were fighting off two dogs.
170
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,421
Oh, yeah. It's okay.
Wyatt threw them out the window
171
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,757
when he could have easily
just put them in the closet!
172
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,594
Have a good hoop sesh, babe?
- No, I was robbed.
173
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,554
Someone smoked-bombed me
and took my bag.
174
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,309
Do you have any idea
who did it
175
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,562
or how yellow their car was?
176
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,272
Come on, Gurgs,
we should go down to the alley
177
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:02,565
and check on our friend.
178
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,483
She's no friend of mine.
179
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,903
She's sleeping
with my friend's boyfriend.
180
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,740
So sorry about your bag,
181
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,783
but the main thing is
you're okay.
182
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:15,453
Yeah. I-I'm fine.
183
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,914
Actually, no, I'm not fine.
184
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,916
And I'm tired of lying to you.
185
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:22,126
Someone important to me
was in that bag,
186
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,170
someone I should have told you
about a long time ago.
187
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,922
Oh, oh, you don't need to.
188
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,007
I'm sure I'll learn about her
eventually,
189
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,967
at which point I'd either be
ready to get weird
190
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:34,096
or just tag out
and come back for cuddles.
191
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,015
The truth is, I don't play
basketball every week.
192
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,809
I'm...
193
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,479
a cheerleader.
194
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,939
I was on my way to cheer tonight
195
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,649
when my training dummy
got stolen.
196
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,943
I use her to practice lifts
and throws.
197
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,195
Of course!
It was a training dummy
198
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,781
you use to practice lifts
and throws.
199
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:55,034
What else would you do with
a life-sized rubber woman?
200
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,661
You're really not freaked out?
201
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,120
Because the cheerleading thing
has been
202
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,622
a dealbreaker for other women.
203
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,040
Well, those women clearly
didn't consider
204
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:04,043
the more perverted alternatives.
205
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,796
I am just so happy
this is finally out in the open.
206
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:10,926
Ah, yes! Ah! Ah!
207
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,971
So Jake's a male cheerleader?
208
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:18,391
Yeah, that explains why he needs
a pretend lady in a duffel bag.
209
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,685
No, he uses her for lifts
and throws.
210
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,645
Abby, I have two kids.
211
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,147
You don't have to tell me
how sex works.
212
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,983
This would have been nice
to know
213
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,693
before you stole his doll
and lost it.
214
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,027
Lost it? Doris is missing?
215
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,988
- She has a name?
- Yes, it's Doris,
216
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,656
and we're all fine with it.
217
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:36,367
Well, Doris was gone
when we got to the alley.
218
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,702
I don't know
what you were thinking
219
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,078
when you threw her
out the window.
220
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,580
Y-You really panicked.
221
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,916
Well, we have to find her,
or else Jake won't be able
222
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,252
to train for the second-biggest
adult-cheerleading competition
223
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,254
in Central Florida.
224
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,508
Man, can't anybody be a good,
old-fashioned sicko anymore?
225
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,525
What?
226
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,861
Your sexy dress.
227
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:15,406
What is this, another move
in your little seduction game?
228
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,575
You thought you'd just throw
that on and I'd be all,
229
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:22,204
"Awoooga! Awooga!"?
230
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,373
Grow up.
231
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,459
It's just a dress.
232
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,045
But it's pretty telling
that you called it sexy.
233
00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:31,756
It is objectively wanton.
Gurgs.
234
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,424
How would you describe
her dress?
235
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,927
I don't know. Black?
236
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,971
If I am a little more
dressed up tonight,
237
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,723
it's because I am seeing
my boyfriend.
238
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:43,392
Oh, your boyfriend! Yes.
239
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,479
Who I'm hearing about for
the very first time right now.
240
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,397
Just admit what you're doing.
241
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:49,940
You don't have to go
make up fake--
242
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,317
- Julianna!
- Oh!
243
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,402
I know I've arrived too soon.
244
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,571
But I couldn't wait
to see you.
245
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,074
- Mm.
- Ah.
246
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,077
Ew. Eh?
247
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,082
Oh, this is my boyfriend,
Rodrigo.
248
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:10,169
And then this is my coworker,
uh, uh...
249
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,296
Dan. That's right.
250
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,633
Oh, yes, the sad, lonely man
who still has amor for you.
251
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,260
- Mm.
- I can set you up
with my sister.
252
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,597
She's unwanted,
but she has many extra teeth.
253
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,099
All right, look,
I don't have to be set up
254
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,143
with no shark-mouth sister, okay?
255
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,645
Hey, I've got a girlfriend.
256
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:29,855
Matter of fact,
she's coming here tonight.
257
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,357
My sister will be
disappointed,
258
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,025
but this is nothing new to her.
259
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,277
She's cursed.
260
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,113
Well, we're having dinner
in the cafeteria.
261
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,949
Why don't you come by
and say hello?
262
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,620
Otherwise, someone might think
you made your girlfriend up.
263
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:50,334
Pretty sexy dress
for court, huh?
264
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,462
Where were you
five minutes ago?
265
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:57,049
Okay! We're strong.
We're tough.
266
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,009
We'll stab your team
in the gut.
267
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,053
We're mean. We're rough.
268
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,306
We'll pull your spine
out your butt!
269
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:08,144
Ah! Thank you so much
for helping me train for Tampa.
270
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:09,520
Sure, it was a lucky break
271
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:12,481
that I fit into
all of Doris's clothes.
272
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,568
You always had her
wear clothes, right?
273
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,987
Okay, so what do you think?
Should we do the full routine?
274
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,990
In the words of Doris...
275
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:22,324
Let's do this.
276
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,993
♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah ♪
277
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,494
♪ Get on the floor ♪
278
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,830
♪ Everybody go feel that beat ♪
279
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,665
♪ Give me more ♪
280
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,585
♪ Move that body
and stomp those feet ♪
281
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:36,088
♪ Show me what you got,
sing it out, ah-la-la-la ♪
282
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,007
♪ Clap one, two, three ♪
283
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,884
♪ Come on
and stomp all those feet ♪
284
00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:42,428
♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah ♪
285
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,762
♪ Stomp those feet ♪
286
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,432
♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah ♪
287
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,935
♪ Stomp those feet ♪
288
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,437
- Hey!
- Hey!
289
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,606
- Ah!
- Ah! That was amazing.
290
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,524
Oh, so much better
than the doll.
291
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,110
Your bones and organs
really add to the experience.
292
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,737
Oh. I'm blushing.
293
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:02,573
Oh, because of my real blood!
294
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,117
This might be the happiest
I've ever been.
295
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,204
Abby, I love you.
296
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:09,789
I love you, too.
297
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,808
Marge, listen,
I'm hiring you under the table
298
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:34,730
because I suspect this is not
a rabbit-sanctioned task, okay?
299
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,274
I need you to pretend
to be my girlfriend.
300
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,652
Nothing untoward.
Just a quick hello,
301
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,570
prove you're real,
and then leave.
302
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,323
It's your 45 minutes.
303
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:51,580
You don't even have to be
funny, and yet you are.
304
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,915
Oh, hi, Julianne.
305
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,750
I like to introduce you
to Marge.
306
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,002
As you can see, you're
on a date with your boyfriend,
307
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,255
and I'm on a date
with my girlfriend.
308
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:04,760
So if this... was a contest,
we'd be even.
309
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:08,097
Uh, aren't you the TaskRabbit
from our case?
310
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,099
Oh, yes. Yes.
Well, nothing wrong with that.
311
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,602
The Obamas met at work, too.
312
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,354
Why don't you two
join us for dinner?
313
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,480
Oh, no, no, no, no,
we wouldn't want to--
314
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,315
Great. I am starving.
315
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:21,777
FYI, I can't chew my food
because of a gum condition,
316
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,030
so I swallow things whole
like a snake.
317
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:29,452
Whatever my princess wants.
318
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:40,379
We found her in FAO Schwarz
lying on the Tom Hanks piano.
319
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,964
She was facedown
on a G-flat like...
320
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,717
♪ Bong ♪
321
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,303
So I guess we'll just
drop her off at the gym,
322
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,346
and Jake and start training
with her again.
323
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:52,808
Or here's another idea.
324
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,811
We don't.
325
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,563
Ever since Doris has been gone,
326
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,565
things have been going
really good with me and Jake.
327
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,899
He's not holding back anymore.
328
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,068
So what are you saying?
329
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,905
You want us to send Doris to
the big duffel bag in the sky?
330
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,491
No, but just hang on to her
for a few days.
331
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,993
Clean her up.
Maybe give her a bath.
332
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,828
I don't want to
give her a bath.
333
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:16,332
What if we connect?
I can't afford that right now.
334
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,167
You guys,
just help me out here.
335
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,251
He told me he loves me.
336
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,670
You know, this makes sense.
337
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,380
It's called transference.
338
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,383
Jake came to emotionally
rely on the doll,
339
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,010
and now that it's gone,
340
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:31,096
he's transferred all
those feelings to you.
341
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,890
- Exactly.
- Not exactly!
342
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,893
I was being sarcastic.
That's insane!
343
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,394
So let me be insane!
344
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,188
Love makes you do crazy things.
345
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,232
No, you make us
do crazy things.
346
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,735
Come on, Wyatt, let's take the
big fake lady down to the morgue
347
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:47,947
for a makeover
because love asked us to.
348
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:01,960
So, anyway, I said,
"Oh, you must be a model."
349
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,255
And you said,
"No, I am one of the foremost
350
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:08,384
pediatric heart surgeons
in the country.
351
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,427
That's why
I'm in so many magazines."
352
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:17,893
I am.
Always in a stethoscope.
353
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,229
No shirt.
- Mm.
354
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,732
You know it's a good story when
it's not funny or interesting.
355
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,317
But enough about us.
356
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,486
I-I'm just fascinated
with your relationship.
357
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,448
I mean, this connection
just feels so real.
358
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,951
You have to tell me,
what's your secret?
359
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:36,495
Oh, want to know
what I like about Marge?
360
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,622
She has such a gentle soul.
361
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:41,250
Roach!
362
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,837
When you go to Hell,
tell 'em Marge sent ya!
363
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,342
She's so spiritual.
364
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,969
I'm very happy for you.
365
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,763
Oh, gotta motor.
366
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,099
Just got pinged
for another task.
367
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,352
Uh, well, all right.
Goodbye, my hardworking duchess.
368
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,938
Oh, no kiss!
369
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,566
Once we start...
370
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,777
Hey, it says my task is here.
371
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,195
Does anybody know a Julianne?
372
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,699
- That's me.
- What a coincidence.
373
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,203
Two tasks-- tell me
if this relationship is real,
374
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,749
and I need you to hang
a flatscreen.
375
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,167
No, it's not real.
376
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:26,044
And let me get my back brace.
377
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,132
Zero stars, Marge!
Zero stars!
378
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,303
I think we're ready
to practice outside.
379
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:36,472
After all,
if you're coming to Tampa,
380
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,474
you gotta get used to
falling on concrete.
381
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,851
Are you serious?
You want me to come to Tampa?
382
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,728
I feel like my heart
is doing a switch-kick
383
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,689
double-twist basket right now.
384
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,399
I'm just so glad I don't
have to hide anything
385
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,611
from you anymore.
386
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,741
I'm sorry, ma'am,
is this your floor?
387
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,244
Indeed, it is.
388
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,083
So you've been lying to me
this whole time?
389
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,711
Yes, but keep in mind that when
I thought she was a sex doll,
390
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,087
I could have run screaming,
391
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,215
but instead,
I took good care of her.
392
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:15,010
And the guys at the morgue
gave her a top-to-toe makeover.
393
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,721
I don't know what to say.
I'm really hurt.
394
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:21,266
It feels like you've ripped
my heart out my butt.
395
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,602
I know I was wrong,
but in my defense,
396
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,437
you weren't totally honest
with me.
397
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,189
But when I told you
everything,
398
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,858
you had so many chances
to come clean, and you didn't.
399
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,402
Now I just don't know
how to trust you.
400
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,238
I think I know
what's going on.
401
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,739
You're pulling away
because we said "I love you,"
402
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,616
and that feels scary.
403
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,618
No, I'm pulling away because
you and your friends stole
404
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:43,539
my $4,000 doll
and threw her out a window.
405
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,416
$4,000? Really?
406
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:49,127
For that, you should
be having sex with her.
407
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,131
I'm sorry, I just--
I can't do this.
408
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,801
Wait, wait.
Are you breaking up with me?
409
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,971
- Yeah, I am.
- Jake, this wasn't that bad.
410
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,139
Did you give her a boob job?
411
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,808
No!
412
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,477
The guys at the morgue did.
413
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,398
I forgot my coat.
414
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,901
Where's Rodrigo?
415
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,571
Oh, he, uh, got paged.
He's a pediatric--
416
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:18,615
Oh, my God! You mentioned.
417
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:23,579
So, hiring a mashed-potato
monster to be your girlfriend.
418
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,583
At least get a high-end escort.
This is New York City.
419
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,668
The prices are astronomical.
420
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:34,089
And when you throw in the tip?
Ugh! Mnh-mnh.
421
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,134
I gotta say, I thought
your date was fake, also.
422
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,928
Dr. Rodrigo? I mean,
that sounds more like a guy
423
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:44,516
who would separate you from
your evil twin on a telenovela.
424
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:48,145
Well, I hope that now you can
see that I wasn't playing games.
425
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:52,190
Rodrigo and I have
something very real.
426
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,570
Did I mention that he smells
like gourmet tapenade?
427
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,656
Funny. He's not the kind
of guy I pictured you with.
428
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,325
Oh, really?
429
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:04,953
And who did you picture with?
430
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,788
I don't know.
I figured you'd go for somebody
431
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:11,001
with a little more edge,
someone who challenged you,
432
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:15,964
someone who got
under your skin.
433
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,966
You're saying that if someone
like that came along,
434
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:22,263
that you would not feel...
anything?
435
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,143
- Nice try, Dan.
- Ha! Ha!
436
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,853
I almost had you.
437
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,813
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right. See you tomorrow.
438
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,400
Destroy you in court.
- Ah, you, too.
439
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,653
What the hell, lady?
440
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,489
No tip?
441
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,824
Just because we didn't
make love doesn't mean
442
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,159
you didn't use my body.
443
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,329
Ugh. All right, fine.
444
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:50,415
I'll give you an extra $20
if you unzip me.
445
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,542
{\an8}Ugh. This thing is so tight
that I'm pretty sure
446
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,421
{\an8}one of my ribs
punctured my lung.
447
00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,258
{\an8}Your zipper has more teeth
than my sister.
448
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,805
{\an8}Come on! Isn't taking clothes
off what you do for a living?
449
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,518
{\an8}All right,
so I guess we're even after all.
450
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,689
{\an8}Good night, Jake.
Good night, Abby.
451
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,201
{\an8}It's funny.
34366
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