Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,670
Your Honor,
the defendant is charged
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,839
with inciting a riot
during a Christmas concert
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,633
at the Central Park
Bird Sanctuary.
4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:09,843
Your Honor,
my client was merely trying
5
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,511
to put on a holiday concert
6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,513
where the birds
could tweet along
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,515
or land on your shoulder
8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,644
like we've been promised
by cartoons.
9
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,439
Instead, the music turned
our feathered friends
10
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,483
into killing machines.
11
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:27,861
I would show you the photos,
but-- hoo!--
12
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:30,488
you would never
eat chicken again.
13
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,365
According to this report,
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,993
there are injuries
to 12 drummers drumming,
15
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:38,122
11 pipers... piping?
16
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,334
10 lords a-leaping.
17
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,879
♪ Nine ladies dancing ♪
18
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,881
♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪
19
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:50,300
They wrecked the latte bar.
20
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,511
♪ Seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying ♪
21
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:58,016
♪ I want to drink ♪
22
00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:01,060
♪ Four calling birds,
three French hens ♪
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,021
♪ Two turtle doves ♪
24
00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:04,981
Dan?
25
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,357
And a partridge--
26
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,903
Objection! Scrooge.
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,238
Don't hide that baritone
28
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,742
under a bunch of bah humbug,
Counselor.
29
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:21,915
♪ And a partridge
with a broke beak ♪
30
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,752
Merry Christmas to all.
31
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,713
And to you, $1,000 fine.
32
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,013
Just a little something
to show my appreciation
33
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,724
at this special time.
- Aw!
34
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,268
- Mine's empty.
- Mine, too.
35
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,895
Unless...
36
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:47,106
{\an8}did you blow a kiss in here,
you scoundrel?
37
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,526
{\an8}No, it's not my fault
38
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,069
{\an8}that the city outlawed
gift giving
39
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:52,612
{\an8}between municipal workers.
40
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,073
{\an8}Fingers crossed
next year they ban small talk,
41
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,243
{\an8}so I'll never have to answer
"Sup, big man?" again.
42
00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:01,579
{\an8}Sup, big man?
43
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,915
Don't think I forgot
my favorite judge.
44
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,960
I know it's empty.
45
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,798
{\an8}But don't worry.
46
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,466
{\an8}Even without gifts,
we're still gonna do
47
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,134
{\an8}something special
for the holidays.
48
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,928
{\an8}I signed us up
for a Christmas escape room.
49
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,638
{\an8}We got the invitation.
50
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,765
{\an8}Rather unsettling
that the only two RSVP options
51
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,768
{\an8}were "yes" and "hell yes."
52
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,145
{\an8}It's Titanic themed.
The only other option was
53
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,481
{\an8}Escape from Santa's Workshop,
but I did that one,
54
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,985
{\an8}and I got in trouble
for not trying to escape.
55
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,069
{\an8}Wait. We have to be there
in three hours?
56
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,612
{\an8}No way!
57
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,323
{\an8}I mean, if Julianne was here, maybe.
58
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,158
{\an8}But she's at her
anger-management group's
59
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,743
{\an8}Christmas dinner.
60
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,246
{\an8}None of the food
requires knives.
61
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,290
{\an8}With Murray filling in,
you might as well cancel.
62
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,666
{\an8}I mean, it takes him two hours
63
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,334
{\an8}just to do
his pre-trial warmups.
64
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,170
{\an8}I prosecute with every inch
of my body.
65
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,006
{\an8}I will be damned
if I'm gonna pull a muscle
66
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,342
{\an8}and let A.I. take my job.
67
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,596
{\an8}Hey! New coat,
these are my friends.
68
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:02,765
{\an8}Friends, this is my new coat.
69
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:06,185
{\an8}Where was this energy when
I introduced you to my new hat?
70
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,521
{\an8}The girls got this for me
as an early Christmas gift.
71
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,190
{\an8}All I had to do was pay for it,
wrap it,
72
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}and then pretend to like
the stuff they actually got me.
73
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,862
{\an8}Wyatt, just so you know,
we need to move fast tonight.
74
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,282
{\an8}Hold up. Did you just put
your coat under mine?
75
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,159
{\an8}Did I?
76
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,703
{\an8}I was listening to the judge
talk about moving fast tonight.
77
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,288
It's just
a strange thing to do,
78
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,540
given there are a number
of open hooks.
79
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,208
This is the opposite
of moving fast.
80
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,045
You know what?
It is a bit odd.
81
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,838
Well, even if
all the hooks were full,
82
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,007
you would go on top of a coat
that was already there.
83
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,303
Nobody goes under
a pre-existing coat.
84
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,348
That's what I'm saying.
There's a lot to unpack here.
85
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,224
No, no, no,
there's nothing to unpack.
86
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,185
Our bags are already
on the Titanic. Let's go.
87
00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:50,063
The judge is right.
Time is of the essence.
88
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,732
We need to get in there
and-- aah!
89
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,567
Aah! See this?
90
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,987
This is why I need to stretch.
91
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,408
Sir, you can't go around
tearing down inflatable Santas
92
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,410
because you feel
they draw attention away
93
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,204
from the birth
of your Lord and Savior.
94
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:10,541
December 25th is
Jimmy Buffett's birthday,
95
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,919
and you all have lost your way.
96
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,754
Jimmy saves.
97
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,882
Jimmy saves!
98
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,927
Well, it's 5:00 somewhere,
but not where you're going.
99
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,430
One night in jail and $50 fine.
100
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,349
I gotta hand it to you
Parrotheads.
101
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,017
Hawaiian shirts don't look
good on anybody,
102
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,186
but you're sticking with it.
103
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,856
All right. We are one case away
from boarding the Titanic.
104
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,608
I hear the first puzzle
105
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,611
is actually rearranging
the deck chairs.
106
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,364
Last up-- the State versus
Fred Norton.
107
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,074
The defendant is charged
with trespassing
108
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,201
after he refused
to leave a Christmas party.
109
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,246
I couldn't leave before those
fine people heard all about
110
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:51,791
the suckiest vacuum cleaner
money can buy,
111
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,128
or my name isn't... Sam Snead.
112
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,587
But that isn't your name.
113
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,548
According
to your driver's license,
114
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,967
you're Fred Norton,
and you're not a salesman.
115
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,052
You're an actor.
116
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,889
And it says here you're
really willing to do nudity.
117
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,727
The defendant was hired to run
a murder-mystery holiday party
118
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,812
and wouldn't break character,
119
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,648
even after it was made clear
everyone wanted it to be over.
120
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,567
Wanting it to be over
is implied when
121
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,652
you said "murder-mystery party."
122
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,655
Hey, murder-mystery parties
are not on trial.
123
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,117
If so, I'd have to recuse myself
because I love them.
124
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,453
Everyone gets dressed up,
the lights go out,
125
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,996
there's a dead body,
126
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,497
and you have to figure out
who did it
127
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,749
and why my date
disappeared into a bedroom
128
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,418
with a different person.
129
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,420
I've got the perfect way
to keep your man happy
130
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:41,507
this Christmas--
the Staininator 3000!
131
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,676
Would you care for
a demonstration, ma'am?
132
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,845
"Ma'am"?
133
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:50,349
This because somebody said
I was eating yogurt earlier?
134
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,185
Mr. Norton,
it would really help your cause
135
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,145
if you would just
speak as yourself.
136
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:57,148
This is a court of law,
not a murder-mystery dinner--
137
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,360
{\an8}Oh, no!
138
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,154
{\an8}Flobert's dead!
139
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,157
{\an8} Why?!
140
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,617
Take me instead!
141
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,535
No, wait.
142
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,289
Take Dan!
143
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,041
{\an8}Sorry.
144
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,795
Darkness instantly
puts me to sleep.
145
00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,173
I am very dangerous
driving through tunnels.
146
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,468
Judge, your chair.
147
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:30,223
{\an8}"You're next.
Ho ho ho."
148
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,060
{\an8}Aw.
Your first death threat.
149
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,021
No one move. You're gonna
want to remember this.
150
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,732
I'll get a camera!
151
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,405
Detective Kratz, NYPD.
How can I help you?
152
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,574
Besides finding the bastard
that did this?
153
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,827
It might be easier
if you took your sunglasses off.
154
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,246
After all, it is night,
and we are inside.
155
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,039
Don't tell me how to do my--
156
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,583
Oh, yeah, that's much better.
Thank you.
157
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,544
Detective, it's gotta be
the murder-mystery guy.
158
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,879
I mean, you can't pretend
to die 52 weeks a year
159
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,340
and not end up a little weird.
160
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,385
Well, I'm sorry, but we take
all threats seriously.
161
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,262
There's something
about this time of year
162
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,222
that brings out the worst
in people.
163
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,558
You know,
my wife left me on Christmas.
164
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,434
This Christmas.
165
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,020
I found the divorce papers
in my stocking.
166
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,773
That's what I get for peeking!
167
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,609
Speaking of Christmas,
some of us have plans.
168
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,404
Is there any way we can
fast-track this investigation,
169
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,781
since, again,
we know who did it?
170
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,616
We are talking about
your safety here.
171
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,244
Detective, you take as much time
as you want,
172
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,745
even if it means
we miss the thing
173
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:38,249
that only Abby wanted to do.
174
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,959
Don't listen to him.
He just hates fun.
175
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,878
- I don't--
- If this were a Christmas movie,
176
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:45,548
there'd be a pile of angels just
trying to jumpstart his heart.
177
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,967
Well, unfortunately,
you're all stuck here
178
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,219
until Vacuum Guy cooperates.
179
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,804
Although, he is a good salesman.
180
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,973
I almost bought one for my wife.
181
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,309
Ex-wife.
182
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,810
Now excuse me.
I have to go deal with
183
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,397
some police feelings
in the bathroom.
184
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:04,401
This is why
men shouldn't be cops.
185
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,489
Excuse me, Wyatt.
186
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,659
I just need a place
to put my folder.
187
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,956
Oh, I just put my folder
under yours.
188
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,750
What a weird thing to do.
189
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,462
I should probably
explain myself.
190
00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,172
Fine, Gurgs.
191
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,300
Truth is, I did put my coat
under yours on purpose.
192
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,302
I didn't want it to get stolen.
193
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:34,430
Oh, so you'd be fine
if my coat got stolen.
194
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,974
Fine's the wrong word.
195
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,018
Shocked.
Uh, I would be shocked
196
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,520
if it got stolen.
197
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,648
That's why it's
the perfect cover for my coat.
198
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,441
Oh! Oh, well, my coat
199
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,527
doesn't want to be
your coat's coat!
200
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,113
Enough with the coats.
201
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,531
Whatever happened
with the folder--
202
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,285
now, that was interesting.
203
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,038
All right, guys, if we could
just link Fred to this crime,
204
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,666
we can escape this room and
head to a warehouse in Brooklyn
205
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,209
that used to be
an underground dance club,
206
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,045
but now is a place
we can get into.
207
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,715
I'm not going anywhere
with that jacket ass.
208
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,386
I told you she was a hothead.
209
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,721
Yeah, she's that, too.
210
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,641
What your coat say about me?
211
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,185
Tell... your coat
212
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,020
to say it to my face!
213
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,064
People! People, please.
214
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,735
It's Jimmy Buffett's birthday.
Show some respect.
215
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,570
Abby, just face it.
216
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,489
You're shipwreck's
a train wreck.
217
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,658
We're never making it
to the escape room.
218
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,868
Dan, I know you don't have
the holiday spirit,
219
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,870
but we all fake it sometimes.
220
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,206
News flash-- we don't need
another story about Louisiana.
221
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,916
We know where it is.
222
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,420
If it was that interesting,
we'd go.
223
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,879
If I'm the only one
who cares about this,
224
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,506
I'll just get us out of here,
225
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,049
go to that Titanic escape room
alone,
226
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,094
and drown on Christmas
all by myself!
227
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,596
Move it, big man!
228
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,891
So has he confessed yet?
229
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,435
'Cause I'm about
to miss my boat.
230
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,437
Talking to this guy's
a waste of time.
231
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,106
He suffers from what
we on the force call a 55-20--
232
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,567
broken brain.
233
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,444
He's totally lost touch
with reality.
234
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,863
He's stuck in whatever murder
mystery he was playing in.
235
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,448
Speaking of 55-20,
236
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,783
this baby comes in
55 different colors
237
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,452
and has 20 different
attachments.
238
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,080
That's 4,200 different ways
of having fun!
239
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,790
You see what I'm dealing with?
240
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,793
I gotta go take a walk.
241
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,464
You know, my wife and I
used to take walks.
242
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,799
They've got codes
for broken brains,
243
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,802
but not broken hearts.
244
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,098
You just lost your good cop.
245
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,975
Now you're staring
at a lady who,
246
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,312
for the first time in her life,
is not excited about Christmas.
247
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,147
Tomorrow,
I'm gonna take a bus upstate,
248
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,149
where I'm gonna spend my day
setting up my mom's
249
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151
digital frame
just so she can remind me
250
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,988
that I haven't given her
any grandkids to put in it.
251
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,823
Then I don't have anyone
to kiss under the mistletoe
252
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,492
because my boyfriend's mom
needed a wingman
253
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,994
for her singles cruise.
254
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,246
You not confessing
is keeping me from the one thing
255
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,956
I was looking forward to.
256
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,625
So I'm gonna give you
one last chance.
257
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,878
Come clean, bucko!
258
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,089
Did someone say clean?
259
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,007
Oh, my God.
Just come back to reality
260
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,842
so I can get
on the damn Titanic.
261
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,178
Whoa! Abby. Whoa.
262
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,763
You don't want to shake him.
263
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,807
What you want to do
is you want to lift...
264
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,101
- Oh!
- ...and shake like this!
265
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,019
Aw! You're helping.
266
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:31,190
Yeah, well, Christmas brings
out the best in me!
267
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,775
Ooh!
268
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,652
Oh! Save some
for the wedding night,
269
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,487
my little Georgia peach.
270
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,865
It was yogurt for men!
John Stamos eats it!
271
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,617
Why does he keep calling you
a woman?
272
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,202
You can't see
the beautiful Southern belle
273
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,537
right before your eyes?
274
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,706
What kind of fortune teller
are you?
275
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,875
Fortune teller? Southern be--
276
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,794
Dan! Dan! Dan.
- Hmm?
277
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,046
He thinks we're characters
in his murder-mystery game.
278
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,548
We gotta play along.
Just, um...
279
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,216
buy a vacuum, buy a vacuum.
280
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,302
And remember, you have boobs.
281
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,568
My house...
282
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,529
is just in shambles.
283
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,156
I mean,
I-I don't know what to do
284
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:23,868
since my husband, Ormel, died.
285
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:27,538
Well, I am sorry for your loss,
but I'm happy for my gain.
286
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,957
Enchanté.
- Mm.
287
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,335
Would you be a doll
and put me down
288
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,380
for one of them
little dirt suckers?
289
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:40,050
Oh, and if you'd like to see,
uh, Louisiana,
290
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,262
it's beautiful this time
of the year.
291
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,056
Well, I'll put you down
for a vacuum,
292
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,267
and I'll pick you up for a date.
293
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,769
Let me get
the paperwork started.
294
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,229
Dan, you did it.
You played along,
295
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,689
and you're gonna get a clue.
296
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,274
Well, I don't have
any invoices,
297
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,775
but you can just write
your information here
298
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,944
on my invitation to this party.
299
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,946
Or you can always whisper it
in my ear.
300
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,073
I have a photographic memory.
301
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,075
Click, click.
302
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,120
I'll write it down.
303
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,622
What is this?
"You're cordially invited
304
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:12,124
to Colonel Strangleton's
Malibu estate."
305
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,292
Do you think this is a clue?
306
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,044
Yeah, yeah, this is the game.
307
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,046
We go to this party,
and then we'll get answers.
308
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,298
Why are you smiling?
309
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,718
Oh, my God, there's gonna be
costumes, aren't there?
310
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,723
Okay, so the game
that Fred is stuck in
311
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,433
is called "Murder in Malibu."
312
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,895
We're now all guests at
an oil tycoon's Christmas party.
313
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,647
Abby, I can't hear you.
Speak up!
314
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,149
Dan, this all would be
a lot easier to explain
315
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,569
if you would just come
into the room.
316
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,990
This is ridiculous.
317
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,325
Woman in my station--
318
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,829
this parasol is
dramaturgical incorrect!
319
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,748
I'm just remembering
how awful it was
320
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,501
seeing "Hamilton"
with you.
321
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,253
Flobert,
you're a climate scientist.
322
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,171
How you feeling?
- Bad.
323
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,799
I've been doing some research
to prepare.
324
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,842
Did you know we're losing
the bees?
325
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,264
Without bees, who are the birds
gonna have sex with?
326
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,850
I'm sorry.
If I'm the oilman,
327
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,352
why would I invite this guy
to my party?
328
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,855
Because none of this
makes sense!
329
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,649
It's "Murder in Malibu."
330
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,610
I'm a Southern belle.
You're an oil tycoon.
331
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,029
She's a fortune teller
named Seymore Tomorrow,
332
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:28,200
and he is apparently a climate
scientist from the future!
333
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,788
Without the bees,
there is no future.
334
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,457
It is a murder-mystery game.
It's not about making sense.
335
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,626
It's about dressing up
with your friends in costume
336
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,296
so you can watch
one of them die!
337
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,839
Just so you know, for now,
338
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,549
this costume includes
this cool jacket.
339
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,050
I don't want to hang it up
340
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,885
until there's a basic coat
to cover it.
341
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,722
You'll be waiting a long time.
342
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,601
What do you
think about this coat, babydoll?
343
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,520
Great. Our showgirl's here,
344
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,063
and she's escalated
the coat conflict.
345
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,565
Can we just focus on the game?
346
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,567
Our guest of honor is arriving.
347
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:05,404
Well, finally, a room full
of guests and their wallets!
348
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,823
While we're waiting
to have dinner,
349
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,491
would anyone like
to see a demonstration
350
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,994
of the Staininator 3000?
351
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:15,123
It cleans up nice,
kinda like you, missy.
352
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,752
He touches me,
I'm suing the city.
353
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,046
All right, Colonel Strangleton,
as our host,
354
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,672
would you like
to get us started?
355
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,716
His name is Strangleton,
but he gets shot.
356
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:29,928
This was written
by a room full of monkeys!
357
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,766
Welcome to
a home built on black gold.
358
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,225
I really think
my character would be eating
359
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,603
a popsicle right now.
360
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,229
Why don't you take
your coat off?
361
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,398
Oh, right, you won't,
because deep down,
362
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,442
you know your coat
should be my coat's coat.
363
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,904
That's a damn lie.
364
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,113
Enough. If you won't play
your roles,
365
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,948
I'll just do it for you.
366
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,451
As I gaze into the future,
367
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,412
I see that the showgirl is
368
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,456
not in love with the oil tycoon.
369
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:02,086
She's in love with his money,
a gold digger.
370
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,545
Well, I never.
371
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,130
I don't need to marry
for money, see?
372
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,882
My real last name is Amtrak.
373
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:10,135
My daddy owns the railroad.
Choo-choo, baby.
374
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,764
Ooh! I got train money.
375
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,475
If you're hellbent on
drilling Mother Earth,
376
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,313
then I'm hellbent
on drilling you full of lead!
377
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:27,111
Don't you
dare point a gun at my fiancée.
378
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,488
She's a real man.
379
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,490
Don't marry her. Marry me.
380
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,826
I've been in love with you
ever since that torrid night
381
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,744
under the magnolias.
382
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,913
Our dirty little secret isn't
the only thing I'm carrying.
383
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,291
I'm also carrying
your bastard child!
384
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,003
Wow. That was an insult
to story logic
385
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,798
and to regional
Southern dialects.
386
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,341
Shh, shh, shh.
We're almost finished.
387
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,677
So the lights go out,
388
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,012
and when they come back on,
389
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,514
the showgirl's dead,
390
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,682
we all know
the scorned lover did it.
391
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,350
we're finished, and Fred is...
392
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,019
Dying.
393
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,400
The vacuum salesman's not
supposed to get murdered.
394
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,987
Ew. That's really in there.
395
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,531
He's dead.
396
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,324
Oh, God.
397
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,785
I did that, didn't I?!
398
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,873
Come on, it's Christmas.
Help me hide the body.
399
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,628
Detective Kratz, what do we do?
400
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,713
Do we have to lock down
the building?
401
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,381
Right. Yeah, we should, um,
402
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,177
call the chief
or, uh, the commish, or, uh...
403
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,888
Ah! I'm not a cop.
I'm an actor.
404
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,306
Not even a good one.
405
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:42,060
This badge is chocolate.
406
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,729
I'm a part of his
murder-mystery troupe.
407
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,147
We were hired
to run a game here,
408
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,191
but no one was supposed to die!
409
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,692
What do you mean,
you were hired to run a game?
410
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,068
Who hired you?
411
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,487
It doesn't matter
who hired him.
412
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,155
There's a killer loose
in the building.
413
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,656
Don't worry. I won't let
anything happen to you.
414
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,242
- Thanks, Wyatt.
- I was talking to my coat.
415
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,078
Everybody, hands up!
You're all under arrest.
416
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,165
He did it. He talks about
killing people every day.
417
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,334
Hey! Shut up! No! Don't shoot!
418
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,170
I didn't kill anybody.
All I did was hire this guy
419
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,255
for one of the stupid
murder-mystery parties.
420
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,590
Now there is a real dead guy,
421
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,594
and this is no longer a party.
422
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,430
Dan, you threw me
a murder-mystery party?
423
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,558
Yeah, I mean, it's Christmas.
I had to give you something.
424
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,936
But I swear to God,
Jimmy Buffet,
425
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,854
whoever the hell is listening,
426
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,606
bring this guy back,
and I promise I will never do
427
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,443
another thoughtful thing
as long as I live!
428
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,278
Dan, he's moving.
He's breathing.
429
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:36,782
It's coming back to life because
you believed in Christmas.
430
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,118
Well, I fell for something,
didn't I?
431
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,287
Big time.
Stand down, everybody.
432
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,705
These are all fake cops.
433
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,417
All those badges
are chocolate, too.
434
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,127
Fred, take a bow.
You've earned it.
435
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,879
Oh. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
436
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,798
Oh, and I think all of you guys
437
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,550
should give yourselves
a big round of applause
438
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,385
for participating
in this beautiful piece
439
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,803
of immersive theater.
440
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,305
Oh. Excellent job.
441
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,308
I gotta admit, Dan,
you had me going for a while.
442
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,811
But then I saw the way
you shook Fred.
443
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,479
That wasn't your everyday anger.
444
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,314
You know Dan's
different types of anger?
445
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,316
Oh, yeah.
446
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,652
In our time together,
I've seen every vintage.
447
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,321
I'm kind of an anger sommelier.
448
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,658
And that Fred shake-- that was
a bottle you only pop open
449
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,827
when someone overcharges you,
like at Chipotle,
450
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,745
when they make you pay extra
for guac.
451
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,581
Everybody wants guac.
452
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,250
They should include it
in the price.
453
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,335
After that, I went to Fred
454
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,754
and asked him to add
another level to the game.
455
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,590
All it took was me investing
too much money
456
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,134
in his all-female production
of "A Few Good Men."
457
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:40,345
Oh, opening night is--
- I'm not going.
458
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,014
Now, I'm sure you're
all wondering
459
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,640
how I made the murder look
so real.
460
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,684
No, no, we're not.
461
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,437
All it took was a watermelon
full of cow's blood.
462
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,521
And where'd you get
cow's blood?
463
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,523
Just Google it.
464
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,360
So I guess that's
game, set... back.
465
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,296
Did you just sacrifice
your cool jacket to save mine?
466
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,673
It was my coat's turn
to be on top.
467
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,051
- My hero.
- It was nothing.
468
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,803
I was talking to your coat.
469
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,223
We will look back
on this and laugh,
470
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,225
when the world is turned
to sand
471
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,938
and we're riding our worms
to work.
472
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,232
You know, I take back
everything I said
473
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,652
about a pile of angels
having to jumpstart your heart,
474
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:39,988
because this might be one of the
best Christmas presents ever.
475
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,573
You know,
I know you a little, too,
476
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,075
and the only thing
you like more
477
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,035
than escape rooms
or murder mysteries
478
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,245
is this place.
479
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,914
So I thought I'd mash them up
480
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,167
and give you
a little Christmas gumbo.
481
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,919
{\an8}Hey, and you didn't even
have to go to Brooklyn for it.
482
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,172
{\an8}Well, Brooklyn to me
is an escape room.
483
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:02,260
{\an8}You hear that?
He doesn't need angels.
484
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,012
{\an8}Why did we even fly down here?
485
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,931
{\an8}Ah, don't worry.
We'll get our wings.
486
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,934
{\an8}Come on, let's grab some booze
and sneak it back into heaven.
487
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,104
{\an8}Hey, guys,
you forgot your weird...
488
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,567
{\an8}...guitar.
489
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:20,195
{\an8}I really must have hit my head
when I passed out.
37189
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof