All language subtitles for Mom S01E13 Hot Soup and Shingles [wb2k]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,534 (grunts) 2 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:11,877 Whoa. 3 00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,048 Ow. 4 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,050 Damn it. 5 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,451 (groans) 6 00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:21,720 (screams) 7 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,294 Ah... 8 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,696 Help! 9 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,297 Mom! 10 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,167 Anybody?! 11 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,502 ¶ Jump, jump ¶ 12 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,637 ¶ Kris Kross will make you ¶ Jump, jump ¶ 13 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,140 ¶ Don't try to compare us to another bad little fad ¶ 14 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,641 ¶ I'm the Mac and I'm bad 15 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,143 ¶ Give you something that you never had ¶ 16 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,377 You dance like a white guy. 17 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,378 ¶ And shake your rump 18 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,846 I am a white guy. 19 00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,581 ¶ That makes you wanna jump 20 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:50,749 ¶ How high? Real high... 21 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,586 Hey! Hey! 22 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,655 Man down! 23 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,529 ¶ Jump! How high? Real high 24 00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:04,730 ¶ 'Cause I'm just so fly 25 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,765 ¶ A young lovable, huggable type of guy ¶ 26 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,568 This is how Grandma made money in the '80s. 27 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,437 ¶ 'Cause inside-out is wiggity wiggity wiggity whack ¶ 28 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,438 ¶ I come stompin' 29 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,739 ¶ With something pumpin' to keep you... ¶ 30 00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:16,408 (grunts) 31 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,178 ¶ The Mac Dad will make you 32 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,179 ¶ Jump, jump ¶ 33 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,180 ¶ Daddy Mac will make you 34 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,514 ¶ Jump, jump ¶ 35 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,449 ¶ Kris Kross will make you 36 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,518 ¶ Jump, jump, jump, jump ¶ 37 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,754 ¶ The Mac Dad will make you ¶ Jump, jump ¶ 38 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,023 Hey! ¶ Daddy Mac will make you 39 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:32,691 ¶ Jump, jump ¶ Hey! 40 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,526 ¶ Kris Kross will make you ¶ Jump, jump... ¶ 41 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,961 What are you doing down there? 42 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,729 I fell. 43 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,730 I hurt my ankle. 44 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:39,765 Well... 45 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,567 why didn't you call for help? 46 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:42,935 I did. 47 00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,937 I threw fruit. 48 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,040 Oh, God, maybe we should get you to the emergency room. 49 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:49,541 Oh, it's just a sprain. 50 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:50,542 Let me see. 51 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,445 Wrong leg, wrong leg, wrong leg! 52 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,329 (groans softly) 53 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,331 These cookie are wet, Mom. 54 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,867 I'm sorry. 55 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:19,738 Are you crazy? 56 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:20,739 Get off that foot. 57 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:21,907 Let me put the groceries away. 58 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,408 (sighs) No. 59 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,677 If you do it, I'll never find anything. 60 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,979 You've got two cabinets. 61 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,847 It's not exactly a scavenger hunt. 62 00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,250 I got this. 63 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,451 All right, fine. 64 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,752 At least tell me why 65 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,154 you won't let a doctor look at your ankle. 66 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,355 (sighs) 67 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,956 Because he might say it's broken 68 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,092 and I don't have time for that. 69 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,093 (clicks tongue) 70 00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:42,694 Oh, yeah. Good strategy. 71 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,631 Is it your plan to tough out the roof, too? 72 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,832 (Christy sighs) 73 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,033 I called the landlord 74 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,102 over and over. 75 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,770 Each time, his English got worse. 76 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:53,839 VIOLET: Mom! Grandma! 77 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,774 Get in here! The baby's moving! 78 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,009 (gasps) 79 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,544 I'm coming! Ow. 80 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,645 I'm coming! Ow. 81 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:00,812 CHRISTY: I'm coming. Ow. 82 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,014 Oh, my God. There it is! 83 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,015 Right? (laughs) 84 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,483 Let me feel! Let me feel! 85 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,785 Ow. Ah, where? 86 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:07,853 Where? 87 00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,622 Guess it stopped. 88 00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:12,724 Wait. 89 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,260 Nope, just gas. 90 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,064 I gotta call Luke. 91 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,467 (groans) 92 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,038 Don't feel bad. 93 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,040 You'll have plenty of time to spend with that baby 94 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,441 after Violet dumps it on you. 95 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,477 Thanks, Mom. 96 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:33,579 It's funny... 97 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:34,813 'cause it's true. 98 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,262 It was so smart to keep this walking boot. 99 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,831 How'd you hurt your ankle the last time? 100 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,733 Oh, you know... 101 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,368 back when I was drinking, 102 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:57,836 I had this pesky habit 103 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,606 of slipping on my own vomit. 104 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,674 A tale as old as time. 105 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,110 (sighs) 106 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,713 Please tell me you microwaved that sponge 107 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:08,780 before you did the dishes. 108 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,515 What? Why? 109 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,117 To kill the germs. 110 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,785 You're serious? 111 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,421 This thing is filled with bacteria. 112 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,858 Might as well be washing dishes in the toilet. 113 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,593 Wow. 114 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,095 What happened to the fun-lovin' chick 115 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:25,697 who liked to slip and slide through her own vomit? 116 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,634 She watched a very scary exposé on the 6:00 news 117 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,535 about how your kitchen can kill you 118 00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:31,770 and everyone you love. 119 00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,341 Somebody really needs to get laid. 120 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,777 I can hear you, Mom. 121 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,746 You were meant to. 122 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:41,747 By the way, it's gonna 123 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:42,781 rain again in a couple of days. 124 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,283 What do you want to do about the leak? 125 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,484 I don't know. 126 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,487 If I could figure out where the hole was, 127 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,155 I'd probably jab a tampon in it. 128 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,792 Nice. 129 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,994 That way, the house can do archery and ride a horse. 130 00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:58,964 I guess I'll just 131 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,265 climb up there 132 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,767 and throw a big tarp over everything. 133 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,435 Really? With one foot? 134 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,637 Who else is gonna do it, Mom? 135 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,772 Are you gonna do it? 136 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,907 You don't even know to microwave a sponge. 137 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,811 Why don't you just call Baxter 138 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,446 and see if he can fix it? Ah! 139 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,914 My ex-husband? 140 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,916 You want to send a stoner up to the roof 141 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,551 with hot tar and a nail gun. 142 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,755 How's that not gonna end in tears? 143 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,759 Well, I'm calling him. 144 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,828 Maybe you should get laid. 145 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,363 I did. 146 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,500 Might want to microwave your sheets. 147 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,141 Whoa. 148 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,543 What's the matter? 149 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,178 I felt the baby move. 150 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,446 Ah! 151 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,714 The baby's moving! 152 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,115 Violet, I'm coming! 153 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,883 I'm coming! 154 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,452 I'm coming. 155 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,520 Shake your belly! Keep it moving! 156 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,026 (microwave beeps) 157 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,234 I always wondered how they made sponges. 158 00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:15,907 (knocking at door) 159 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:16,975 (door opens) 160 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,081 Somebody need a hole plugged? 161 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,419 Oh, God. 162 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,688 There's a... 163 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,356 old tarp in the shed. 164 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,658 Just cover as much of the roof as you can, 165 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,861 and I'll get a roofer out here next week. 166 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:36,928 A roofer? 167 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:37,929 (laughs) 168 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:38,997 La-di-dah! 169 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,832 When did you get so middle-class? 170 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,503 Can you find the leak, 171 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,705 cover it with hot tar, and then reshingle? 172 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:50,242 There's a couple of steps I didn't know about, but yeah. 173 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,445 What happened to your paw? 174 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,213 Oh... I fell. 175 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,648 Were you loaded? 176 00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:58,917 No. 177 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,986 That's where you went wrong. 178 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:03,789 Never fall sober. 179 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,990 You tense up. 180 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,026 Thanks for the tip. 181 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,194 It's a scientific fact. 182 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,595 You can't get hurt when you're high. 183 00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:15,200 I don't make the rules. 184 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,704 (beer can popping open) 185 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:24,810 Mr. Baxter... 186 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,212 Oh! 187 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,214 That was my only beer! 188 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,583 Sorry. 189 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,751 I got weed. 190 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,020 Forgiven. 191 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:39,257 Need any help? You know how to patch a leaky roof? 192 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,927 No. That makes two of us. 193 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,762 Here, let's just rip up shingles, 194 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,096 and if we see the living room, 195 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,165 we've gone too far. 196 00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:52,404 I once patched a leak in a swimming pool. 197 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:53,638 Yeah? How'd that go? 198 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,006 Not good. 199 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,075 Apparently, you gotta take the water out first. 200 00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,945 Hey, can I ask you a question? 201 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:04,082 The capital of Ethiopia is Addis Ababa. 202 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,150 What? 203 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,653 That's just something I like that I know. 204 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,689 No one ever asks. 205 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,958 Actually, I was gonna ask you about having a baby. 206 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,626 Oh. 207 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,194 Yeah, you don't want to have one of those 208 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,096 until you're, like, 45, 50 209 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,264 and you can't have any more fun 210 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,599 or your heart'll explode. 211 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,535 No, dude, 212 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,704 Violet's having my baby in a few months. 213 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,539 Oh... 214 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,074 Well, game over. 215 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,178 It's starting to kick. 216 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,346 Oh, that's big. 217 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:37,349 Yeah. It's really happening. 218 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,784 I just don't know if I'm ready to be a dad. 219 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,052 (laughs) 220 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,153 Been there. 221 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,488 Really? 222 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,656 Yeah, absolutely. 223 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,658 Believe it or not, I had grave doubts 224 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,493 about my own parenting abilities. 225 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,662 I just don't want to turn into my father. 226 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,231 I mean, I love him, but... you'd only give him 227 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,635 a "world's greatest dad" T-shirt ironically. 228 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,136 Yeah. 229 00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,404 I had a father like that. 230 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,073 Vice cop in Oakland. 231 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,142 I sure showed him. 232 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,713 Let me tell you something: When the baby gets here, 233 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,015 you'll know what to do. 234 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,050 I hope so. 235 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,151 I'll never forget 236 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,219 driving home from the hospital 237 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,654 after Roscoe was born. 238 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,989 I looked in the rearview mirror at him in his car seat, 239 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,091 and I just... knew I could do it. 240 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,493 Cool. 241 00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:24,029 Yeah. 242 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,864 If Christy hadn't caught me banging her best friend, 243 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,566 I'd still be doing it. 244 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,268 Don't worry. 245 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,503 You'll be a great dad. 246 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,171 Thanks. 247 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,706 It sounds like you're a great dad, too. 248 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,241 (laughs) 249 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,043 I do my best. 250 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,245 Now, let's smoke that weed before I go crazy. 251 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,351 (Baxter and Luke laughing) 252 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,257 It sounds like Luke and Baxter are getting along. 253 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,293 I know that laugh. 254 00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,098 They're getting ready to order pizza. 255 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,370 Just my luck. 256 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,906 I got a couple of idiot nine-year-olds 257 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,208 fixing my roof. 258 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,610 I'm nine. 259 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,946 Nothing to brag about. 260 00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:18,283 BAXTER: Hey, man, let's order a pizza! 261 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:25,490 Ow! 262 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:29,828 Ow! 263 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,200 Ah! 264 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,136 This is fun. 265 00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,474 What are you doing? 266 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,142 Working. 267 00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:48,113 I knew I should've handled this myself. 268 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,948 Christy, it's done. 269 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,650 Look. All sealed. 270 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,151 Just got to let it dry 271 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,753 and put the shingles on tomorrow. 272 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,621 Oh. 273 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,856 Okay. 274 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,658 Good. 275 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,027 Just promise me you'll be careful. 276 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,094 Promise. 277 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,763 I don't care if you get high. 278 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,631 I just don't want anybody getting hurt. 279 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:10,235 We are not getting high. 280 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,205 She knows, dude. 281 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,309 Relax. We're being real safe. 282 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,945 Thank you. 283 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,681 No, no, no, no, no! 284 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,748 (crashing) 285 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,054 Oh. She tensed up. 286 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,364 It was so smart to save this. 287 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,535 Another vomit-related injury? 288 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,036 (sighs) 289 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,037 No. 290 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,205 Slammed it in a car door. 291 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,707 Drunk? Acid. 292 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,908 Ah. 293 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,143 Thought I was invisible. 294 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,814 (sighs) I can't believe you're going to work. 295 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,148 Why not? 296 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,217 Your ankle's the size of a grapefruit. 297 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,652 You just fell off a freaking ladder. 298 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,187 It's a miracle you're not driving a wheelchair 299 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,822 with your tongue. 300 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,690 I'm fine. 301 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,158 It's just a sprain... 302 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:12,931 What are you trying to prove? 303 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,265 (sighs) 304 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,266 Nothing. 305 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,168 I have a job. 306 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,170 I've got bills, I've got obligations... 307 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,505 (keys clatter to floor) 308 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,343 Would you like me to pick that up for you? 309 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:27,512 No. Thank you. 310 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,866 Oh... 311 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,770 Got it! 312 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,275 Soup's up. 313 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,577 Oh, God. 314 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,247 Not more soup. 315 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,215 Careful. 316 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,151 Very hot. 317 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:10,355 I'll see you in hell. 318 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,391 (gasps) 319 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,392 Ah... 320 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,493 Ow. 321 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,995 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 322 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,397 Ow, ow, ow. 323 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,398 Ow, ow, ow. 324 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,399 Ow. 325 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,568 Why is this so enjoyable? 326 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:27,038 I think 'cause we're bad people. 327 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,542 (gasps) 328 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,244 Son of a bitch. 329 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,148 Hot, hot, hot, hot. 330 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,416 Hot, hot, hot. 331 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,751 Ah, hot. 332 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:42,587 Ah... hot. 333 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:43,588 Ah... 334 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,256 ah... ah... 335 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,258 (panting) 336 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,326 Ah... 337 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,362 Ah... ooh... 338 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,431 (panting) 339 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,304 Uh... 340 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:02,574 It appears we are out of soup. 341 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,289 Mmm. 342 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,290 (door closes) 343 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,692 What are you doing back so early? 344 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,627 Oh... 345 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,662 Gabriel sent me home. 346 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,231 He didn't fire you, did he? 347 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,866 No. 348 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:30,201 The one perk to having slept with your married boss 349 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,270 is job security. 350 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,341 Why don't you relax and I'll make dinner? 351 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,575 No, I got it. 352 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,711 Christy... I said I got it! 353 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:50,054 (sobbing loudly) 354 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,024 (sobbing): I don't got it. 355 00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,826 (Christy sniffs) 356 00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:56,361 I don't got it. 357 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,929 What's that I hear? 358 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,664 Was that a cry for help? 359 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,503 I'm done. 360 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,439 There's nothing left. 361 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,074 (sniffs) 362 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,677 I still didn't hear the word "help." 363 00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:18,616 Help. 364 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,357 (sobbing) Oh... 365 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:28,526 Come here. 366 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,794 Let's get you into bed, 367 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,297 and I will cook us all a nice dinner. 368 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,432 Thank you. 369 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,500 (sniffs) 370 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,604 How do you feel about some hot soup? 371 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,044 Thanks for helping out, man. 372 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,211 My pleasure. 373 00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,380 Pitching in around here makes me feel better 374 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,417 about being late with the child support payments. 375 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,953 You'll understand that soon enough. 376 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:58,957 I really appreciate you talking me 377 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,391 through this whole baby thing. 378 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,793 Ah, it was nothing. 379 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,628 No, man, it was a big help. 380 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,296 I would give you 381 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,032 a "world's greatest dad" T-shirt unironically. 382 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,571 Wow. Thanks. 383 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,841 I don't get a lot of positive feedback. 384 00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:20,645 All right. 385 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,646 Enough emotion. 386 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,947 Let's get baked. 387 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,316 Right. 388 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,786 I'm just so tired. 389 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,022 That's because you don't let anybody help you. 390 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,357 (sighs) I would, 391 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,359 but then things don't get done right. 392 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,661 Before you know it, everything's falling apart. 393 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,097 Stop tucking. I'm not a burrito. 394 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:41,599 Sorry. 395 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,601 And you don't know how to fluff a pillow. 396 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,602 Oh, go fluff yourself. 397 00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:47,772 Sure. 398 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:48,973 Abandon me. 399 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,174 That's how this all started. 400 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,676 Come again? 401 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,311 Forget it. 402 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,846 No, you-you seriously think 403 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,614 I'm the reason you're a control freak? 404 00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:58,850 You seriously don't? 405 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,485 Here we go. 406 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,454 Welcome back to another exciting episode of Blaming Bonnie! 407 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,357 As far back as I can remember, 408 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,526 I came home every night to an empty house. 409 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,895 Ah, I've seen this one. 410 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,497 If I didn't cook dinner, I didn't eat. 411 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,132 At least the fridge was filled with food. 412 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,366 Don't you dare defend yourself! 413 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,201 But I provided. I... No, no, no, no, no! No! 414 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,137 This is not a conversation. 415 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,872 Do I have to remind you 416 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,540 that I raised myself? 417 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,142 I did my own laundry, 418 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,543 I made my own lunches, 419 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,311 I hitchhiked to school. 420 00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,913 What's that got to do with 421 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,949 you being a bitter, angry, resentful woman right now? 422 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,488 I said this is not a conversation! 423 00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,528 (deep voice): Hey, dude. 424 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,329 Pass the joy. 425 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,733 I don't have it. 426 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,802 I don't have it, either. 427 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,005 (chuckles) 428 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:57,008 Too bad it's not a phone. We could call it. 429 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:58,509 (laughing) 430 00:17:58,511 --> 00:17:59,510 Whoa. 431 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,679 What? 432 00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,583 This is amazing weed. 433 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,518 I can see your farts! 434 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,658 Awesome. 435 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,695 Do you honestly believe you have to remind me 436 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:18,763 how much I screwed up? 437 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,598 You don't think I carry that with me 438 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,200 every minute of every freaking day? 439 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,201 Do you? 440 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,469 The actual amount of time 441 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,636 is not important. 442 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,706 All you need to know 443 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,708 is I am trying to be here for you right now, 444 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:33,444 and you can stop beating me up for who I used to be, 445 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,645 because I've got that covered. 446 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,951 But I like beating you up. 447 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,956 How's this for a plan? 448 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,325 You can blame me for all your problems 449 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,994 on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. 450 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,497 I'll punish myself the rest of the week. 451 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,000 Well, it is Monday. 452 00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,337 All right. 453 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,839 I was a terrible mother. 454 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,674 And I let you down, 455 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,344 and nobody hates me more than me. 456 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,179 How's that? 457 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,050 It would've been better if you cried. 458 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,088 I'll work on it. 459 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,859 I'm so sorry, baby. 460 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:26,697 Aw... 461 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,836 Do you smell something? 462 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,874 (deep voice): Uh-oh. 463 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,782 You were so smart to save this. 464 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,652 Thanks. 465 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,220 It's the herbal tea, right? 466 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,688 As you requested. 467 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,089 Just checking. 468 00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:59,564 Purple's such a pretty color. 469 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,065 It doesn't feel pretty. 470 00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,872 I do love taking care of you. 471 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,041 I love it, too, Mom. 472 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,309 Well... probably should've done it 473 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,710 when you were a kid. 474 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,779 That would've been nice. 475 00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,750 (thunder rumbles) 476 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:24,822 (exhales) Gotta hand it Baxter. 477 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,257 He did a good job up there. 478 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,658 Yeah, he did. 479 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,427 I'm hard on him, but... 480 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,696 he is trying to step up. 481 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,764 Maybe people can change. 482 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,299 (water drips) 483 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,304 Or maybe not. 484 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,907 (pops lips) 485 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,575 If it makes you feel any better, 486 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,645 I forgot you wanted herbal. 35823

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