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1
00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:04,503
(phone rings)
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,038
(moans softly)
3
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,340
Hello?
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,341
Are you awake?
5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,811
At 2:30 in the morning?
6
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,080
You betcha.
7
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,816
I think I'm pregnant.
8
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,919
Oh, God, can I not be awake?
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,323
How is that even possible?
10
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,458
What kind of question is that?
11
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,495
I happen to be in
the bloom of my life.
12
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,831
Half the men in Napa Valley
13
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,967
have been in
the bloom of your life.
14
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:37,136
What?
15
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,604
Nothing.
16
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,872
Did you take a test?
17
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,041
I don't need to.
18
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,475
I've got all the signs.
19
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,977
I missed my period, I'm moody,
20
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,879
my nipples are
incredibly angry.
21
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,282
Trust me, there's fruit
in these loins.
22
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:54,386
No, no, no.
23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,055
My daughter and my mother
24
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,357
cannot be pregnant
at the same time.
25
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,225
I don't have the strength.
26
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,895
Please don't make
this about you.
27
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,299
Okay, look, maybe we're
worrying for no reason.
28
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,834
First thing tomorrow morning,
29
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,169
we'll get you
a doctor's appointment
30
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,203
just to be sure.
31
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,772
Oh, God, why is
this happening to me?
32
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,040
Honestly?
33
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,644
Do we need to have
the talk again?
34
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,580
I devoted the best years
of my life
35
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,248
to loving and nurturing a child.
36
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,484
This was supposed to be my time.
37
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,421
Boy, I would love
to meet that child.
38
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:32,958
Look, I gotta
go back to sleep.
39
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,326
But what am I supposed to do?
40
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,394
I don't know.
41
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:36,728
Grab your calendar
42
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,063
and see if you can figure out
43
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,132
who the father is.
44
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,567
Oh...
45
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,902
(crying loudly)
46
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,972
BONNIE:
Are you freakin' kidding me?!
47
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:50,042
You're a lying son of a bitch!
48
00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:53,445
You shouldn't even be allowed
to practice in this country!
49
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,048
Menopause, my ass.
50
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,488
Hate to be her daughter.
51
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,641
(sighs)
52
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,109
What are
you doing?
53
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,644
I'm hot.
54
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,212
Get back
in the car.
55
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,081
You look like
a Labradoodle.
56
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,682
Ugh...
57
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,218
I think I just ate a bug.
58
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,553
(gags)
59
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,955
You know, menopause
isn't the end of the world.
60
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,257
Easy for you to say.
61
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,359
You can still provide
a king with an heir.
62
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,793
Oh, get real.
63
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,162
The only king
you've got a shot with
64
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,796
is the King of Big Screens.
65
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,432
All I am saying is
66
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,901
what if I were to meet someone?
67
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,969
Maybe a young guy
who wants a family.
68
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,404
You have a family.
69
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,540
That doesn't mean I can't try
for a better one.
70
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:59,044
Want to know what I have
to look forward to?
71
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,045
Ah...
72
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,780
Hot flashes, weight gain,
73
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,382
decreased sex drive,
74
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,950
incontinence.
75
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:08,320
What kind of man is gonna want
a piece of that action?
76
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,855
I'm sure there's a Web site
77
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,024
for guys who are into fat,
sweaty bed-wetters.
78
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,361
Oh, I'm sorry,
is this fun for you?
79
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,164
Oh, come on, I'm just
trying to lighten the mood.
80
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,632
And yes.
81
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,734
Oh, look.
82
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,737
A tester tube
of vaginal lubricant.
83
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:26,805
Why don't
they just put
84
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,674
a gun in here?
85
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:32,110
Instead of focusing
on all the cons,
86
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,912
why don't we try
to make a list of the pros?
87
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,047
Like...
88
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,648
no more birth control worries.
89
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,350
Right. If I were worried
90
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,352
about birth control,
you wouldn't exist.
91
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,754
Okay, pro:
92
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,089
no more PMS.
93
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,825
So now when I'm a bitch
I'm just a bitch?
94
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,595
All righty.
95
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:50,996
Pro...
96
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,965
you're entering
the time in your life
97
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,099
when you give back
98
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,801
to loved ones
and community.
99
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,604
Oh, please, now you're
just making stuff up.
100
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,005
Oh, God,
101
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,140
where did the years go?
102
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,141
You wasted 'em.
103
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,177
I mean...
104
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,345
it's gonna
be okay.
105
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,679
(sobbing)
106
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:10,449
No, it's never
gonna be okay again.
107
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,484
(sobbing)
108
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,156
Mom. Three o'clock.
109
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,863
Are you okay?
110
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,032
No, not really.
111
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,001
Would a ride cheer you up?
112
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,370
Don't you dare.
113
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:33,639
I deserve this.
114
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,442
Yeah, I think it would.
115
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,479
All right.
Hop on.
116
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,015
I'll call you later.
117
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,486
Stop, you're making
a terrible mistake!
118
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,187
Don't worry about me.
119
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,522
Worry about him.
120
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,557
I was talking to him!
121
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,696
Hey.
122
00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:00,132
Mom, do you like
circumcised men?
123
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:04,770
Um, can I put my purse down
124
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:07,372
before we have
this conversation?
125
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,740
Well, if we
have a boy,
126
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,342
Luke wants to get
the baby snipped.
127
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,377
Not snipped,
streamlined.
128
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,480
Tell him it's not necessary.
129
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,915
Oh, God.
130
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,116
Luke, why don't you
have this conversation
131
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,484
with your own parents?
132
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,486
'Cause his parents
don't know I'm pregnant.
133
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,422
Wait, what?
134
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,456
You told me
135
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,557
they were thrilled
136
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,658
and totally supportive.
137
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,294
Yeah, well...
138
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,263
that was sort of a...
139
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,899
you know, lie.
140
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,835
Luke, why didn't you tell them?
141
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:37,803
He's scared of 'em.
142
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:38,970
No, I'm not scared.
143
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,672
It's just...
complicated.
144
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,174
They're not
cool like you.
145
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,809
My mother's not cool.
146
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,210
Hang on.
147
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,479
Let the boy talk.
148
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,715
I was just waiting
for the right time.
149
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,016
Which would be when?
150
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,919
I don't know.
151
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,721
They're old,
they could die soon.
152
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,522
Problem solved.
153
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,359
Oh, sweetie, don't
wish for that.
154
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,327
Besides,
it doesn't work.
155
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,995
If anything, the
parent lives longer.
156
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,199
You need to
tell your folks
157
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,368
and you need to
do it immediately.
(moans)
158
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:10,602
Oh, sack up.
159
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,371
Did they snip off
all of your penis?
160
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,341
Violet, be nice.
161
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,110
Go ahead.
162
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,145
You can do it.
163
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,449
Would you maybe
come with me?
164
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,954
This is something
you have to do yourself.
165
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,922
Encourage him.
166
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,357
Oh, be a man.
167
00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:36,995
Seriously?
168
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:43,235
The chef is especially happy
with the catch of the day,
169
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,303
which is a Copper River
salmon, and...
170
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,471
Psst.
171
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,374
Need to talk.
172
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,109
Sorry. Uh...
173
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,477
the salmon is pan-seared
174
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,880
with fingerling potatoes
and savoy spinach.
175
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,315
BONNIE:
Fingerling...
176
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,051
Uh, the other specials
are heritage pork chop,
177
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,020
Kobe beef
and Maine lobster,
178
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,688
which is flown in daily from...
179
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,490
Anyone? Anyone?
180
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,192
(imitates buzzer)
Maine.
181
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,794
Okay, uh, I'll be right back.
182
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,196
Mom.
183
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,397
What's going on?
184
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,666
My vagina is dead.
185
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,137
What the hell are
you talking about?
186
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,505
That motorcycle guy.
187
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,808
I took him back to my place,
stripped off his clothes,
188
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,776
ran my tongue up and down
his gorgeous body
189
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,111
and felt nothing.
190
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,646
It was like I was
licking a rock.
191
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,649
I'm confused.
192
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,750
Did you sleep
with him or not?
193
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,785
Not. I mean, I tried,
194
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,654
but it was like
I-I couldn't get it up.
195
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:41,092
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was
Take Your Mother to Work Day.
196
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,161
Yeah, it comes
right after
197
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,398
Sleep with Your
Married Boss Week.
198
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,500
Carry on.
199
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:52,871
Well, well.
200
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,574
Who's this beautiful,
wounded bird?
201
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,843
Don't waste your time.
202
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,444
I'm numb from the neck down.
203
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,979
Hmm.
204
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,114
So the head's still in play?
205
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,289
(frantic knocking,
doorbell ringing wildly)
206
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,125
Hold your horses,
I'm coming.
207
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,994
Ta-da!
208
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:20,932
I figured it out.
209
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,367
I'm not giving up.
210
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,569
If I'm gonna go down,
I'm gonna go down fighting.
211
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,672
If it stands up to pee,
I'm banging it.
212
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,042
Glad to hear it.
213
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,210
Let me introduce you
214
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,612
to Luke's parents.
215
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,049
Nathan and Mary, this
is my mother, Bonnie.
216
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,653
Howdy-do.
217
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,465
I just want to thank
both of you
218
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:56,401
for coming over so we can
discuss the, uh...
219
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,403
Child conceived
in sin?
220
00:08:58,405 --> 00:08:59,604
(sobbing)
221
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,477
You're right,
I am the cool parent.
222
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,713
Luke, did you
223
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,081
learn nothing
224
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,550
from your father's
Bible class?
225
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,685
I'm sorry, what?
226
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,220
Bible class?
MARY:
Yes.
227
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,755
Nathan is
the head pastor
228
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,423
at the Baptist Church
in Santa Rosa.
229
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:22,394
(laughing):
Oh, that's just hilarious.
230
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,728
(laughing):
Right?
231
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,898
I'm so sorry, Father.
232
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,569
All right,
I just want to say
233
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:32,837
that we've all really
come to love your son
234
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,739
and I know that my daughter
is crazy about him,
235
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,207
so I'm sure there's
236
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,043
a happy ending
in here somewhere.
237
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,711
If Violet just gave him
a happy ending, we...
238
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,746
Mom!
239
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:48,086
I'm sorry, I-I'm about
a quart low on the estrogen.
240
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,287
Ah.
241
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,922
You know what
I'm talking about, right?
242
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:53,925
NATHAN:
Look...
243
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,660
here's what's
going to happen.
244
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,629
All of this nonsense
about these two kids
245
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:58,997
getting married
after high school
246
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,599
is just that,
nonsense.
247
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,866
It is not
going to happen.
248
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,135
Now, as far as
the child is concerned,
249
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,670
Luke will provide
financial support,
250
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:07,505
if in fact it turns
out to be his.
251
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,807
What?
252
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:09,975
Violet, I got this.
253
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,676
What?
254
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,511
We don't know for sure
255
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,113
that our son
is the only boy
256
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,815
your little temptress
has been with.
257
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,883
Okay, buddy.
258
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,218
Let's get
something clear...
259
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,787
Christy, I got this.
260
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,523
Here's all you need to know
about this family.
261
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,525
With every generation,
262
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,860
we are getting better.
263
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,395
That's right.
264
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:36,234
So, I may have been
a drunken slut...
265
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,637
She was.
266
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,739
...and my daughter may have been
a drunken slut...
267
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,806
Hang on a second.
268
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,874
What?
269
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,809
Never mind.
Go on.
270
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:48,546
...but my granddaughter,
this tender angel,
271
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:51,116
she was pure
as the driven snow
272
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,418
until she smoked your son's
weed, drank his tequila,
273
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:56,721
and then made passionate love
with him for about two minutes.
274
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,825
Am I telling it
right, honey?
275
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,730
So don't you take the
high road with us, Pastor.
276
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,599
I know your type.
277
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,501
I have bedded
my share of clergy.
278
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:10,635
(clicks tongue)
279
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:17,809
Mary, Luke, let's go.
280
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,245
No, I love Violet
and I'm gonna stick by her
281
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,147
for as long as she'll have me.
282
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:22,981
Get in the car.
283
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,016
I'll call you later.
284
00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:28,253
CHRISTY:
Hey, Pastor?
285
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,721
I just want you to know,
286
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,656
we're gonna raise
the baby Jewish.
287
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:36,327
And we're not Jews!
288
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,331
Shalom, bitch!
289
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,942
(knocking)
290
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,677
Um, it-it's open.
291
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,215
How ya doin'?
292
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,117
Okay.
293
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:02,887
I'm sorry about all that.
294
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,589
I guess you can see
295
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,692
why we don't do a lot
of entertaining.
296
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,194
There's nothing
to be sorry about.
297
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,029
You and Grandma
were great today.
298
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,230
You think?
299
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,998
Yeah. For the first time
in my life
300
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,967
I felt like we were
the normal family.
301
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,137
Me, too! It's so weird.
302
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,472
(sighs)
303
00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:22,207
So, are you in touch with Luke?
304
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,441
No.
305
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,577
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
306
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,645
I know what
you're going through.
307
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,614
When I was your age,
I had a boyfriend
308
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,616
whose parents
just hated my guts.
309
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,284
Really?
Yeah.
310
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,687
To be fair,
we were on pretty good terms
311
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:39,257
until I got drunk and burned
their garage down.
312
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,759
They were really judgey
about it.
313
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,060
(giggles)
314
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,662
Luke's parents were always
really nice to me,
315
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,064
I mean, until today.
316
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:50,468
Well, until today, you were
his high school sweetheart.
317
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,071
Now you're his
white trash baby mama.
318
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,008
Guess it doesn't matter anyway
319
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,576
'cause I think
we should break up.
320
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,713
I'm gonna tell Luke to start
dating other people.
321
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:05,016
Oh, honey, are you sure
that's a good idea?
322
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,887
I mean, he is the baby's father,
323
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,356
and more importantly,
he thinks I'm cool.
324
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,092
BONNIE:
Christy!
325
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,161
Call 911!
I'm having a heart attack!
326
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:20,031
No, you're not.
327
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:23,001
It might be a stroke!
I smell toast!
328
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,271
I'm here if you need me.
329
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,505
Thanks.
330
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,707
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
331
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,242
Shouldn't you hurry?
332
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,945
False alarm, just gas!
333
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:38,917
There you go.
334
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:42,153
A good night's sleep
gonna make all the difference.
335
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,188
Thanks.
336
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,857
Am I pretty?
337
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,561
What?
338
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,630
Yes, of course.
You're beautiful.
339
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,165
I don't feel beautiful.
340
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:58,269
I feel like a man trapped
in a man's body.
341
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,672
Stop it.
342
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,241
All the stuff you're
worrying about is in your head.
343
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,475
It's not really happening.
344
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,544
Are you saying I'm crazy?
345
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,948
No. I mean, not in this context.
346
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,618
Is Violet mad at me?
347
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,487
Quite the contrary,
she's actually proud of you.
348
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,056
Really?
Yeah!
349
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,525
She thought you were awesome
with Luke's dad.
350
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,728
And get this, she called us
the normal family.
351
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,330
Shut up!
352
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,966
Yeah, that's a first.
353
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,201
Oh. (chuckles)
354
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,203
Okay, let's get some
shut-eye.
355
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,372
I'm sure everything will look
better in the morning.
356
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,673
I hope so.
357
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,742
I'll tell you one thing
I'm not imagining.
358
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,244
I am losing my hair.
359
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:42,080
Oh, Mom, please,
don't be ridiculous.
360
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,748
Your hair is amazing.
361
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,650
Now go to sleep.
362
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,195
Sweet dreams.
363
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,302
Mom.
364
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,904
What?
365
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,805
Something's wrong with Grandma.
366
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:11,609
You're late to the party, dude.
367
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:18,983
Mom?
368
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,119
Good morning, loved ones.
369
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:25,757
See?
370
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,992
You... feeling okay?
371
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:28,993
Never better.
372
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:30,461
Come, sit, enjoy.
373
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,563
I've made scrambled eggs,
pancakes, bacon,
374
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,198
hash browns,
toast, oatmeal.
375
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,603
All sprinkled with a healthy
dollop of Grandmama's love.
376
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,975
Mom, let go of his cheek.
377
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,611
Oh, sorry, he's
just so pinchable
378
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,047
and so, mmm, kissable
379
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:52,817
and so, ooh, squeezable.
380
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,319
Help me.
381
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:57,488
Yeah, yeah-yeah,
we all love him.
382
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,457
Come on. Sit down.
383
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,528
Wow, this is
really quite a spread.
384
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:05,797
What brought this on?
385
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,299
Well, I woke up in
the middle of the night
386
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,934
and realized, since I'm
clearly no longer
387
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,603
a sexual being, I needed
to find a new identity.
388
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,507
Okay, I get that.
389
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,477
So...
390
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,112
what'd you settle on?
391
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:24,048
Well, isn't it obvious?
392
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,216
I'm the mother.
393
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,818
The-the caregiver.
394
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,152
The nurturing crone.
395
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,757
Who's got your nose?!
396
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,759
Put the nose down, Mom.
397
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,793
(knocking)
398
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,894
I'll get it.
399
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,397
I'm scared.
400
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,432
You should be.
401
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:45,803
Where's my son?
402
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,973
(Southern accent):
I haven't the faintest clue.
403
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,609
Are you mocking me?
404
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,511
Well, whatever do
you mean, sir?
405
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,580
Mom, please.
406
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,848
What's going on?
407
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,417
Luke has disappeared.
I assumed he'd be here.
408
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,551
Well, he's not.
409
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,020
Would you mind checking?
410
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,255
Sure.
411
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:15,133
¶ The only one who could
ever teach me ¶
412
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,301
¶ Was the son of
a preacher man ¶
413
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:21,739
¶ Yes, he was,
yes, he was ¶
414
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,775
¶ Oh, yes, he was
415
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,778
¶ Being good isn't...
416
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,212
Violet's gone, too.
417
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,215
Luke told me he was going
to end the relationship.
418
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,717
She told me
the same thing.
419
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,152
It appears
they've run off.
420
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,686
You think?
421
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,422
Stop!
422
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:45,530
I suppose both of us
bear some responsibility
423
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,731
for this turn of events.
424
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,466
I don't think so.
425
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,835
Those kids were loved and
accepted in my house!
426
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,003
You drove them away!
427
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,605
I was trying to keep my son
from ruining his life.
428
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:58,209
Okay, do you see how
that's a little offensive
429
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,878
when the thing ruining his
life is my daughter?!
430
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,381
That's not what I meant.
431
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,749
Could you help me
out here?
432
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,819
Sorry, I'm the crazy one.
433
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,924
Look, I'm not thrilled
about this pregnancy either,
434
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,425
but that doesn't
really matter.
435
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,294
All we can do
at this point
436
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,362
is keep loving them,
437
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:22,834
even though they
make it so hard!
438
00:18:22,836 --> 00:18:26,571
All right, perhaps I haven't
handled this very well.
439
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:27,738
Haven't handled it well?
440
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,540
You screwed the pooch, Pastor.
441
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,678
The question is,
what are we gonna do now?
442
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,247
What do you suggest?
443
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,319
I suggest we come
together as adults
444
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,355
and help these kids
who love each other
445
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,858
do whatever the hell it is
they're gonna do!
446
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:51,429
Well, I think that's very wise.
447
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,731
Welcome to the dark side.
448
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,169
Ooh, Virginia's alive!
449
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:05,476
VIOLET:
What kind of idiot changes
his Facebook status to single?!
450
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,446
LUKE:
Hey, it was your idea we should
start seeing other people!
451
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,014
That was just to trick
our parents
452
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,316
so we could run away
to Vegas and get married!
453
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,352
LUKE:
Well, you should've
made that clear!
454
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,654
Well, I shouldn't have to!
455
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,328
So, as you may have heard,
change of plans.
456
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:36,007
This is nice, all of us
having dinner together.
457
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,875
It is nice.
Mm-hmm.
458
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,977
(text alert sounds)
459
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,479
Do you need to answer that?
460
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,414
No, it's just a text from Luke.
461
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,584
So, what's going on
with you two?
462
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,286
He wants us
to get back together.
463
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,320
(text alert sounds)
464
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,621
And he loves me.
465
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,557
(text alert)
A lot.
466
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:55,059
Shouldn't you text him back?
467
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,994
No, not yet.
468
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,696
Let him sweat for awhile.
469
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,998
Speaking of which,
guess who stopped sweating?
470
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,101
The estrogen patch is helping?
471
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,270
I am happy to report
that I'm dry
472
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,105
in all the right places now.
Good.
473
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:10,775
And conversely...
Got it.
474
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,778
How about the mood swings?
475
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,414
Much improved, thanks
to hormone therapy.
476
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,784
Ugh, I don't really like
these vegetables.
477
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,018
No problem.
478
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,954
(plate shatters)
479
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,793
We're still working
on the dosage.
480
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,895
(text alert sounds)
37195
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