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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,036
¶
2
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:09,675
Hey, uh... where are we?
3
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,643
I thought you were
driving me home.
Oh, I am.
4
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,878
I just took
a little detour
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,980
to give you a taste of
what I do for a living.
6
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:15,981
(exhales)
7
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,483
See that
stop sign?
8
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:18,684
Yeah.
9
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,153
As a Sonoma County
civil engineer,
10
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,521
I processed the paperwork
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,189
that made that stop sign
a reality.
12
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,159
Very impressive.
Yeah.
13
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,894
City council was pushing
for a light,
14
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,062
but I didn't think
the traffic flow
15
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,998
justified the expense
to the taxpayers.
16
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,367
Well, as someone
who recently started
17
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,102
paying taxes,
I thank you.
18
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,339
How 'bout that yield sign?
19
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,673
What a beauty.
Is that you?
20
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,075
Nah.
21
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,511
That was another guy
in my office.
22
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,179
Brett.
23
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,380
Such a jerk.
24
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,184
Well, you know what?
25
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,553
I think the stop sign's
much nicer.
26
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,088
Right?
27
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,223
Thank you.
Yeah.
28
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,025
Hey, maybe
next time, um,
29
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,226
we can drive
to Petaluma.
30
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,694
I'll show you
a traffic circle there
31
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:05,197
that will
blow your mind.
32
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,899
I'd like that.
33
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,041
Hey, um...
34
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,043
I gotta run
something by you.
35
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,411
Sure.
36
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,113
I like you.
37
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,048
Good, I like you.
38
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,450
Yeah?
39
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,485
I don't show my stop
sign to just anyone.
40
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,557
Anyway, I...
41
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,625
I want to take this
real slow.
42
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,727
That's fine.
You sure?
43
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,162
Yeah, of course.
44
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,132
How slow?
45
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,768
(laughs)
46
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,070
Until we get to know
each other better,
47
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,406
sex is off the table.
48
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,408
And any other furniture.
49
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,110
Okay.
50
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,279
(laughs)
51
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,081
Wow.
What?
52
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,283
I've said that
to other men before,
53
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,285
but I never actually meant it.
54
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,955
Should I feel special?
55
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:05,257
Yeah, yes.
56
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,325
You should.
57
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:10,629
Question:
58
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,964
do you like
to hike?
59
00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,932
'Cause I was thinking
maybe next Saturday
60
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,100
I'd take you to
this beautiful trail.
61
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,835
It's about an hour
north of here.
62
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,138
Yeah, sure.
63
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,439
Just a heads up:
64
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,107
I'm-I'm a bit of
a nature buff.
65
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,342
It's kind of
my thing.
66
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,144
Camping, fishing,
67
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,445
rock climbing,
you name it.
68
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,479
(distantly):
If it's outdoors...
69
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,449
(grunting, panting)
70
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,885
(Christy moaning)
71
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,988
When I was eight,
I joined the Cub Scouts
72
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,123
and I was just
immediately hooked.
73
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,691
It was like...
74
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,793
finally, I found my people.
75
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,128
And...
76
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,497
I proceeded to get
pretty much every
77
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,299
merit badge
known to man.
78
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,034
Uh, my mom
actually had to
79
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,036
(distantly):
make an extra-wide
sash to hold them...
80
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,204
(grunting)
81
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,412
(Christy panting)
82
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,318
You're amazing.
83
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,519
You sound like my mom.
84
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,554
(laughs)
85
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,226
Uh, okay, um...
86
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,328
well, good night.
87
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,197
Good night.
88
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,336
No. Uh...
89
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,337
I gotta go.
90
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,606
Night.
Night.
91
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,842
Looking forward to our hike.
92
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,612
Our what?
93
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,429
So he pulled over
to show me
94
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,863
this stop sign
he made...
95
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,565
What?
I don't know...
96
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,401
made, painted, installed...
I wasn't listening.
97
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,204
I was too busy
fantasizing
98
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,372
about being in
the back seat with him,
99
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:03,208
doing it like a couple
of ninth graders.
100
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,543
Ninth grade?
101
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,245
Tenth?
102
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,716
What grade makes me
sound normal?
103
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,551
Never mind.
So what happened?
104
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,386
I stuck to the plan
105
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,554
and played it slow.
106
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,922
Good for you.
107
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,290
Thanks.
108
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:21,293
Although, I am ashamed of what
I did when I went in the house.
109
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,561
Oh, please,
110
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,096
that's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
111
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,097
You're a
grown woman.
112
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,465
No... no!
113
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,300
Not that.
114
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,268
Oh.
115
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,236
I ate all of my son's
pudding cups.
116
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,238
Oh.
117
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,073
Six of them.
118
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,676
My farts smelled
like butterscotch.
119
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,780
Well, well, well.
120
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,418
Isn't this a surprise?
121
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,586
Hi, Mom.
122
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,921
You know Marjorie
from the meeting.
123
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,957
Oh, I do.
124
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,326
Marjorie.
125
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,361
Bonnie.
126
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,097
Would you like
to join us?
127
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,265
I'd like to join you,
128
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,301
but I'll make the best of it.
129
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,771
Marjorie has been giving me
130
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,939
some really good
relationship advice.
131
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,174
BONNIE:
Is that so?
132
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,442
Why wouldn't
you come to
133
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,110
your own mother
for that?
134
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,612
The same reason
135
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,280
I don't come to you
for advice
136
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:16,782
about beekeeping.
137
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,350
You know nothing about it.
138
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,354
For the record,
I've had hundreds
139
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:25,390
of successful
relationships with men.
140
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,793
The fact that you don't know
141
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,295
what you just said
is horrifying.
142
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,997
What did I say?
143
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,366
You know,
these things
144
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,301
aren't always
judged on quantity.
145
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:39,304
I was with one
wonderful man
146
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,505
for 30 years.
147
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,207
And then
he left you.
He died.
148
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,508
Spin it however
you want.
149
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,479
Marjorie's just trying
to help me.
150
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,480
Oh, I get it.
151
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,349
You think she's wise
'cause she's old.
152
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,486
So what's your
big advice?
153
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,355
Well, I told
your daughter,
154
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:58,523
who came to me
instead of you...
155
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,827
...that if she
really wants
156
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,495
something meaningful
with this guy,
157
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,997
she shouldn't
have sex with him
158
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,833
for at least
three months.
159
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,401
(laughing)
160
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,673
I'm sorry, that's not a joke?
161
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,508
No.
162
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,509
Oh, come on.
163
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,177
What if she
waits three months
164
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:22,013
and then finds out
he can't deliver the goods?
165
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:25,350
True intimacy doesn't depend
on "delivering the goods."
166
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,185
Oh, Marjorie.
167
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,054
You make me sad.
168
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,190
Well, what does
this guy say?
169
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,925
Is he okay with
taking it slow?
170
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,360
He thinks it's a great idea.
171
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:36,862
Flag on the play.
172
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,397
What?
173
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,365
Real men
don't go slow.
174
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:41,700
He's either
lying, gay
175
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,068
or he's packing
a gherkin.
176
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,537
It's a little
pickle.
177
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,039
I know what it is.
178
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,542
Just do yourself
a favor.
179
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:51,877
If you're
going to wait,
180
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,545
at least make sure
there's something
181
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,046
worth waiting for.
182
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,215
Oh, what's she
supposed to do?
183
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,750
Ask him
to whip it out?
184
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,118
No.
185
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,420
Show a little
class, Marjorie.
186
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,425
Do a drive-by.
187
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,559
A drive-by?
188
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,262
A drive-by.
189
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:14,433
You know, cruise by
the general vicinity.
190
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,570
Send your knee on
a fact-finding mission.
191
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,738
Oh, God.
192
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,406
Do you believe her?
193
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,643
It's actually
not bad advice.
194
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,412
My late husband loved me,
but wow...
195
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:30,148
there was not a lot
to work with.
196
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,485
Twerkin' the gherkin.
197
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,489
Okay.
198
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,924
I gotta go.
199
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,492
Thanks, Marjorie.
200
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,493
I don't know how
201
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,161
I would get through
this without you.
202
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,596
Oh, you're welcome, dear.
203
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,864
And, Mom...
204
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:49,134
...nice jacket.
205
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,015
So how long you been a widow?
206
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,452
Little over eight years.
207
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,654
That's tough.
208
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,326
Want to come with me
to a cop bar?
209
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,634
Since when do you bake pies?
210
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,802
Since the pastry chef
211
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,036
threw a hissy fit and quit.
212
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,471
What happened?
213
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:27,706
I got tired of
having sex with her.
214
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,976
What do you mean,
"what happened?"
215
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,512
Chef Rudy, we need
to hire a new pastry
chef right away.
216
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,347
And this time,
let's get a man.
217
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,249
Like that'll stop me.
218
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,519
You zig, I zag.
219
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,888
But you don't know anything
about desserts.
220
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,055
Well, up until recently,
221
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,657
I didn't know anything
about bisexuality,
222
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,691
but I'm a quick study.
223
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,727
Right, Paul?
224
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,067
I, uh...
225
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,669
I texted you three times
last night.
226
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:58,537
I know.
227
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,672
Why didn't you
text me back?
228
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,706
I was on a date.
229
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,875
So? I was having dinner
with my in-laws--
230
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,711
I still found the time.
Gabriel,
231
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,346
you have a lovely wife.
232
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,382
Why can't you find
happiness at home?
233
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,184
It doesn't work that way
when you marry for money.
234
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,587
I don't know what to tell you.
235
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,689
I hear Chef Rudy
is experimenting.
236
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,559
Maybe you could find
happiness with him.
237
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,369
¶
238
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,272
Who ate all my pudding?
239
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,074
Wasn't me.
240
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,610
Okay, I'm out of here.
241
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,211
Mom, did you eat my pudding?
242
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,080
Um, no.
243
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:45,050
Maybe you ate it.
244
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,485
Did I?
245
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,590
I think
I'm losing my mind.
246
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,894
What's the story here?
Are you a lesbian now?
247
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,797
I'm going hiking with Adam.
248
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,399
Since when do you hike?
I don't.
249
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,002
I'm faking it to please a man.
It's what we do.
250
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,571
Hey, wait,
251
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,906
can I ask you something?
252
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,576
Yes. These are your jeans.
253
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,778
No. I just need
some advice about Luke.
254
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,681
Oh. Really?
255
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,819
You want to talk
to your old mom?
256
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,821
That's great.
So, what's going on?
257
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,923
Ever since he found out
I'm pregnant,
258
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,459
he's afraid
to have sex with me.
259
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,998
Huh.
260
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,934
What else is going on?
261
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,769
Nothing. That's it.
262
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,138
He's scared
he's gonna hurt the baby.
263
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,674
Right.
264
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,275
Sure.
265
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,678
So...
266
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,279
So, uh...
267
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:52,484
I guess you could
explain to Luke that...
268
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,519
there are certain...
269
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:01,159
...sexual...
270
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,495
positions, um...
271
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,831
which would
allow him to...
272
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,700
I can't do this!
273
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,901
Google it!
274
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,373
I'm so glad
we can talk like this.
275
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:24,983
Hey, um, we're still
going slow, right?
276
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,384
Yeah.
Okay.
277
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,153
But even if we weren't,
278
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,655
I'm not doing it
in the freakin' woods.
279
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,491
Right.
280
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,494
(thunder crashes)
281
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,663
Oh, that's not good.
282
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,832
We have time to get
back, don't we?
283
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,535
Um...
284
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,203
No.
285
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,845
Hello?
286
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,080
Hey, I don't think
anybody's home.
287
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,047
Wait here.
288
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,182
Where are you going?
289
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,583
Just wait!
290
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:01,786
(glass breaks)
291
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,523
Come on in!
292
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,694
I'm not really comfortable
with breaking and entering.
293
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:12,063
For you, it's just entering.
294
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:15,400
It's a good point.
295
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:19,104
You're luring me
into a life of crime here.
296
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,106
Oh, don't worry.
297
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,974
If the owners come back,
we'll just kill 'em.
298
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:27,378
You know how
to make a fire?
299
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:31,583
Do I know how to make a fire?
300
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,787
You gotta admit, though,
301
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,556
cabin in the woods, rainy night.
302
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,724
It's kind of romantic.
303
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:43,561
Yes, yes, it is.
304
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,764
Excuse me.
305
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,605
Hi, Marjorie?
306
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:54,773
It's Christy.
307
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,741
So, listen,
308
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,444
I think God wants me
to get laid.
309
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,922
It's too bad we don't have
any marshmallows.
310
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,123
Oh, but we do.
311
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,759
Really?
312
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,761
That's right.
A good Scout never leaves home
313
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:17,996
without a s'mores kit.
314
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,932
Do you want...?
315
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,801
Uh, no, maybe later.
316
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:28,506
Uh! It is really
comfy here.
317
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,976
Yeah, yeah.
318
00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:36,681
Are you mad at me?
319
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,617
Why would I be mad at you?
320
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,154
I don't know.
'Cause we're not
taking advantage
321
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,823
of the comfy-ness.
322
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,959
Is that an option?
323
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,828
No, it's not.
I checked.
324
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:53,965
Are yokay?
325
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,534
Yeah, yeah,
it's just not how
326
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,837
I usually do things.
327
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,305
What does that mean?
328
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:04,876
Well, in the past,
I would jump into bed
329
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,212
with a guy right away
'cause I was afraid
330
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:11,816
if I didn't,
he'd... leave.
331
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,818
Why the heck
would anyone leave you?
332
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,187
You're-you're wonderful.
333
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:23,394
I didn't think so.
334
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,930
It's weird. I've never left
anyone I've slept with.
335
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:32,337
What's this now?
336
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,038
I always thought
it was such a miracle
337
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,241
that a woman
would have sex with me,
338
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,844
the least I could do was give
her the rest of my life.
339
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,247
You didn't actually
say that to them?
340
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:46,017
(scoffs) That's a mistake
you only make once.
341
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,886
Unless you're me,
342
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,888
and then you do it
every time.
343
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:54,926
Yeah, you know, maybe
it's good that we're waiting.
344
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,795
Yeah, maybe.
345
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,037
This is nice.
346
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,906
Sure is.
347
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,144
Thank you for...
348
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,949
being so understanding.
349
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,786
You're welcome.
350
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,421
I'm a lucky girl.
351
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,958
Yep, very lucky.
352
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,097
If you're curious,
I can just show it to you.
353
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,972
I'm just saying,
I walked in on my parents
354
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,807
having sex once
and it freaked me out.
355
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,642
This is not the same
thing at all.
356
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:45,944
No, it's worse.
357
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,313
Our kid can't run out
of the room screaming.
358
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,951
Hey!
359
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,086
Mom, tell Luke
that he can't hurt the baby.
360
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:59,257
Well, if I do that,
he'll have sex with you.
361
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,758
Stick to your guns, buddy.
362
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,993
(clicks tongue)
363
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,000
I feel like
such an idiot!
Oh, honey,
364
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,468
it's gonna be okay.
365
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,971
No, it's not.
He's never gonna call.
366
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:15,006
Oh, it's only been a week.
367
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,275
Oh, wake up. If a man hasn't
called after three days,
368
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,676
he might as well be dead.
369
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:21,946
This is all your fault.
370
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,114
What did I do?
371
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,983
You told her
not to sleep with him,
372
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,451
and he took a hike.
373
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,119
Oh, hiking.
374
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,687
You see that?
375
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:33,791
She took your advice, not mine,
and now she's devastated. I win.
376
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,994
Honey, it's good thing
you didn't sleep with him.
377
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,695
He's a jerk.
378
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:38,997
More bad advice.
379
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,699
If she'd slept with him,
she'd own the jerk by now.
380
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,334
And is that
what you'd want?
381
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,469
What's her other option?
382
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,137
I don't know, maybe
meet a nice guy.
383
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,673
Oh, so when she cheats on him,
she's the jerk?
384
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,708
Think it through, Marjorie.
385
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,478
I'm gonna ignore you
because you're insane.
386
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,513
Christy,
387
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,982
if a man won't wait
until you're ready
388
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,484
to share your secret garden,
389
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,553
he's not worth
a second of your time.
390
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,189
Secret garden?
391
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:10,895
Holy Moses, how many cats
do you own?
392
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,831
Four.
393
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,701
(mouthing)
394
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,736
(mocking):
"Oh sure, Christy,
395
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:24,175
I'm fine going slow 'cause I'm
never gonna call you anyway."
396
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,511
Screw you, Scoutmaster!
397
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,713
I never want to see
your stupid face again!
398
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,052
I never want to see
your stupid face again!
What?
399
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,887
If I'd known you
were such a jerk,
400
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,022
I would've had sex with you
all over that cabin!
401
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,391
Once again, what?
402
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,060
Instead, I opened myself up
to you,
403
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,928
I was totally vulnerable,
and I told you things
404
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,063
that I never told anybody else!
405
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,031
And what do you do?
You blow me off!
406
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,433
Wait, hold on.
I didn't blow you off.
407
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,434
You blew me off.
408
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,035
No, no, no, no!
You were the one
409
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,538
who did the blowing-- the
blowing was done by you!
410
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,706
Christy, did you ever get
the flowers?
411
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,742
What flowers?
412
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,911
The ones I dropped off
at the restaurant
413
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,079
the day after we went hiking.
414
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,915
You sent me flowers?
415
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:08,086
Roses. With a note saying,
"I hike you."
416
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:12,790
Aw.
417
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,058
And when I didn't hear back
from you,
418
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,593
I figured
you just weren't into me.
419
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,295
I never got them.
420
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,763
That's weird. I dropped 'em off
421
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,264
with a pasty-faced guy
in a nice suit.
422
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,133
He promised me
he'd give 'em to you.
423
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,107
I hike you, too.
424
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,976
Where are you going?
425
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,811
I'd tell you, but I know
426
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,246
that you're squeamish
about homicide.
427
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,347
Call me!
428
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,987
Where are my
freaking flowers?
429
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,823
What are you talking about?
430
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,258
Don't screw with me!
431
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,626
Adam said he
dropped 'em off
432
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,294
with a pasty-faced guy
in a nice suit.
433
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,164
Nice suit, pasty face!
434
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,802
I prefer fair-skinned, but okay.
435
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,270
Where are they?!
436
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,105
Look, I know I should've
given them to you,
437
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:03,508
but I just got so jealous.
438
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,643
Tell me!
Oh, boy.
439
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,645
This is awkward.
440
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,480
You remember how you advised me
441
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,984
that I should work
on my relationship with my wife?
442
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:17,288
You gave my flowers
to your wife?
443
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,189
If it makes you feel any better,
444
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,191
she still wouldn't sleep
with me.
445
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:22,793
(clears throat)
446
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,195
What's this?
447
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,130
What do you think it is?
448
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,331
Oh.
449
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:41,179
I owe you an apology.
This is delicious.
450
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:55,159
So, when are you seeing
the Boy Scout again?
451
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,861
Next Saturday.
452
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,163
We're going fly-fishing.
453
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,533
Whatever the hell that is.
454
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,736
Your secret garden
still on lockdown?
455
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:10,341
If you mean am I choosing
to delay gratification
456
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,176
to ensure an emotionally
fulfilling relationship,
457
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,177
then yes.
458
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:17,181
And I don't want
to talk about it.
459
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,350
Fine. What about you?
460
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,720
Your boyfriend still afraid he's
gonna poke the baby's eye out?
461
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,390
He happens to be
462
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,393
a very sensitive
and considerate guy. And...
463
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,429
I don't want to talk
about it either.
464
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,535
All right. If no one's gonna ask
about me,
465
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,270
I'll just tell you.
466
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,372
I went home with a vice cop
last night
467
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,407
and, yes, I do want
to talk about it.
37168
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