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00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,920
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:08,256
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:11,843
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,829
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:18,233
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,302 --> 00:00:21,636
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,705 --> 00:00:23,299
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,911
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,319 --> 00:00:38,019
Peter, come on, get dressed.
We're late for church.
11
00:00:38,088 --> 00:00:39,566
I don't want to go to church.
12
00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:41,852
I always feel
like that priest
has it in for me.
13
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,042
Body of Christ.
14
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,793
Body of Christ.
15
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,574
Butt of Christ.
16
00:00:47,598 --> 00:00:49,518
Lois, trade me.
No.
17
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,168
You're not wearing
that to church, are you?
18
00:00:53,236 --> 00:00:55,515
What? Yeah. Why not?
This is what
I always wear.
19
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:57,806
She's right, man.
It's Sunday. Get noticed.
20
00:00:57,875 --> 00:00:59,441
I'll be in the car.
21
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,446
I'm getting tired of you
wearing the same
thing every day.
22
00:01:04,515 --> 00:01:06,131
Look, that shirt's
got a hole in it.
23
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,862
I'd like to point out
that Jesus wore the
same thing every day.
24
00:01:08,886 --> 00:01:11,164
And you didn't hear
Alice giving him
a hard time about it.
25
00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:12,532
Who?
Wasn't that her name?
26
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:14,122
Let's just get to church.
27
00:01:14,191 --> 00:01:16,369
And afterward,
you're going to the mall
to go clothes shopping.
28
00:01:16,393 --> 00:01:17,938
Well, you're coming with me.
29
00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:20,606
Last time I tried
shopping without you,
it was a disaster.
30
00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:21,630
Hey, I'm home.
31
00:01:21,698 --> 00:01:23,476
I got groceries.
You what?
32
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,044
Yeah, I was driving past there,
33
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:26,579
and we were out of
some stuff, so I...
34
00:01:26,603 --> 00:01:28,865
You listen to me,
you son of a bitch!
35
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,850
I've got one thing
in this lifetime!
36
00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:32,373
One thing!
37
00:01:32,442 --> 00:01:35,710
You always
say I never do
anything around here.
38
00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:39,347
Yeah, I like saying
that more than I like
you doing things.
39
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,249
Dad, I got the rest
from the car. Where...
40
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,718
Chris, run! You were right!
She didn't appreciate it!
41
00:01:43,787 --> 00:01:44,936
Oh, crap!
42
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,755
Ow!
43
00:01:47,824 --> 00:01:50,559
That's right. I do groceries.
44
00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:57,344
All right, even
though we just walked in,
45
00:01:57,368 --> 00:02:00,235
and this whole
place is one hallway,
let's consult the map.
46
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,404
Okay.
47
00:02:02,473 --> 00:02:03,889
Uh-oh.
48
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,230
I'll bet we can find you
some new clothes in here.
49
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,627
Hey, Lois, are you sure
this place is for men?
50
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,383
Yes, Peter, it's for everyone.
51
00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,764
Really? 'Cause this
kind of looks
like a dress.
52
00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:19,537
Peter, it's fine.
Come on out.
53
00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:22,557
Ha! You gaybo!
54
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,546
Hang on, Peter.
55
00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,141
I'm gonna go look for
a couple things
for me in here.
56
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:30,198
I'll be right back.
57
00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:31,811
Okay, Lois, I'll be right here,
58
00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:34,313
standing uncomfortably
close to the
unnecessary piano player
59
00:02:34,337 --> 00:02:35,782
in the middle of the mall.
60
00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:39,752
So, what's it like
now that you've made it?
61
00:02:39,776 --> 00:02:41,220
Did you ever have a bank account
62
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,456
full of pedestrians'
disinterested smiles?
63
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,679
You're amazing.
64
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,382
I'm gonna sit Indian-style
on top of your piano.
65
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,203
There aren't enough verses
in any song I could write
66
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:54,206
that would express
how much hatred I
have in my heart.
67
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,124
You talk like a book.
68
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,261
Hey, Lois, how about
we try Sears?
They got good stuff.
69
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,575
Peter, nobody's been
in Sears for decades.
70
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,809
Oh, come on.
When I was a boy,
71
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,578
we always used to go
clothes shopping at Sears.
72
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,282
Trust me. They'll
have everything I need.
73
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,070
What the hell happened here?
74
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,243
Look out!
75
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,711
He wants to know who you are.
76
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,019
We seek clothes
for the cold times.
77
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:29,024
He says he'll take
you to the clothes
for herbs and meat.
78
00:03:29,093 --> 00:03:32,810
Well, we can probably
come up with some herbs
and meat, right, Peter?
79
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,962
Peter?
80
00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:35,363
I'm with them now.
81
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:36,714
No girls allowed.
82
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,874
See, Lois, now this
is more like it.
83
00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:47,463
What the hell?
Why won't this button?
84
00:03:47,511 --> 00:03:48,922
It's the same size I always get.
85
00:03:48,946 --> 00:03:50,907
Maybe you put on
a few pounds, sweetie.
86
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,830
Lois, I weigh the same
293 pounds today
87
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,682
that I weighed in grade school.
88
00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,369
Perhaps it's this
lump on the side
of your neck, sir.
89
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,887
Oh, my God, Peter!
90
00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:00,600
How long have
you had that thing?
91
00:04:00,624 --> 00:04:01,906
I don't know.
92
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,070
We got to go
see Dr. Hartman
right away.
93
00:04:04,094 --> 00:04:06,006
Oh, my God,
what if it's
something serious?
94
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:07,407
It's all right, it's all right.
95
00:04:07,431 --> 00:04:08,774
We'll be in good
hands with Dr. Hartman.
96
00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,765
He handled my
reassignment surgery.
97
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:14,202
I think, emotionally,
I've always been
a lizard, you know?
98
00:04:14,271 --> 00:04:17,773
And now I feel
comfortable, finally, in
my leathery, scaly skin.
99
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,207
Kids, if you need me,
100
00:04:19,276 --> 00:04:22,516
I'll be on the wall
making rapid,
darting glances.
101
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,542
Is this just to get
out of my parents' visit?
102
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:27,865
No.
103
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,334
Hello!
104
00:04:34,925 --> 00:04:36,441
No, you're stupid!
105
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:37,537
Oh, hello, Griffins.
106
00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:39,089
What can I help you with today?
107
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,433
Dr. Hartman, Peter
has a huge lump
growing on his neck.
108
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,982
Mrs. Griffin,
that's called a head.
109
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,600
I've been fooled
by that one before.
110
00:04:45,669 --> 00:04:47,012
Well, will you take
a look at it?
111
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,581
I think it might be a tumor.
112
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,004
Okay, let's have a look.
113
00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:54,326
Oh, yes, it appears
that there is a...
114
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,005
Great rack, by the way.
Thank you.
115
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,857
Well, thank
Grandma Griffin,
really.
116
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,799
It appears you
have a subcutaneous
vestigial twin
117
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,149
growing on your neck.
118
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,313
What is that?
119
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,786
Well, it's an incomplete twin
120
00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:06,799
that never developed
into a fully-formed person,
121
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:09,224
but still exists as a growth
feeding off your body.
122
00:05:09,292 --> 00:05:10,558
Now, hold still.
123
00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:11,904
I'm just gonna give you
a little topical anesthetic,
124
00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:13,128
and we'll have a closer look.
125
00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:17,999
Hi, everybody!
126
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,779
Ahhh! What the
hell is that?
127
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,669
Oh, my God!
It's a little me!
128
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,033
Well, it looks as if
he's more fully formed
than we thought.
129
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,374
Wow, your wife is gorgeous!
130
00:05:27,277 --> 00:05:29,210
Is that a foot?
Almost!
131
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:30,412
This is awesome!
132
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,491
Finally, I'll have
an interesting silhouette
133
00:05:32,515 --> 00:05:34,594
for the beginning of
my spoken-word jazz.
134
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:38,787
I left...
135
00:05:39,489 --> 00:05:40,822
my poem...
136
00:05:41,524 --> 00:05:43,424
at home.
137
00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:51,933
We now return to Quantum Creep.
138
00:05:56,506 --> 00:05:58,072
Al, what year is it?
139
00:05:58,141 --> 00:06:00,041
1972.
Cool.
140
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,478
I'm gonna go show my
penis to some kids.
141
00:06:03,547 --> 00:06:05,090
Hey, Dad.
How'd it go
at the hospital?
142
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,754
Kids, remember how
when you were little,
143
00:06:06,817 --> 00:06:08,349
you always wanted a neck uncle?
144
00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:10,318
No.
Well, now you got one!
145
00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:12,887
Ahhh! What is
that thing?
146
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,656
This is my vestigial twin.
147
00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:15,890
I named him Chip.
148
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,754
You know, like "chip
off the old neck."
149
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,723
I like to poke him
'cause it makes him happy,
150
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,763
and I feel it
a little bit in my nads.
151
00:06:24,434 --> 00:06:26,312
Well, keep that
freakish thing
under wraps.
152
00:06:26,336 --> 00:06:29,536
I don't want it cramping
my style while I'm
macking on toddlers.
153
00:06:34,178 --> 00:06:35,826
See you around, bitch.
154
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,446
You know, Lois, a lot of times
you go into someone's house,
155
00:06:38,514 --> 00:06:39,747
and it's just a house,
156
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,783
but you can
tell this is a home
by all the love here.
157
00:06:42,853 --> 00:06:44,369
Aw...
158
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:47,033
Peter, this seems
unnatural, and quite
frankly, dangerous.
159
00:06:47,057 --> 00:06:49,457
Hey, you must be the owner
of that Prius outside.
160
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:51,325
Thanks for saving the world.
161
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:52,694
He gets it.
162
00:06:52,763 --> 00:06:54,791
He gets what
we Prius owners
are trying to do.
163
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,865
Wow, the world is
such a cool place.
164
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:58,833
There's so much I
want to do and see!
165
00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:01,802
Oh, he's such a great
energy to have around.
166
00:07:01,872 --> 00:07:04,583
Aw, Chip, I am gonna
show you all kinds
of cool stuff.
167
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:07,759
My Hot Wheels,
my lawn darts, even
my new musket.
168
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:12,158
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
169
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,015
Lois, I thought I
heard a noise downstairs.
170
00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:17,451
Go stall 'em for 20 minutes
and pray that it's
not too damp in here.
171
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,233
Man, how do you
know so many songs?
172
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:23,124
Oh, when you're trapped
under a layer of fat,
173
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,560
a muffled folk song
is like manna from heaven.
174
00:07:25,629 --> 00:07:26,728
Give me a C.
175
00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:31,766
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore
176
00:07:31,835 --> 00:07:35,036
♪ Hallelujah
177
00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:38,372
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore
178
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:41,409
♪ Hallelujah ♪
179
00:07:41,477 --> 00:07:43,177
Sister, help to trim the sail.
180
00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:46,480
♪ Sister,
help to trim the sail
181
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,884
♪ Hallelujah
182
00:07:49,953 --> 00:07:51,853
♪ Sister, help to trim... ♪
183
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,422
Ahhh! Run!
184
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:57,609
No, Peter, gently stroke
his snout counterclockwise.
185
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:02,764
Wow, it's working.
186
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:05,200
There's a universal language
for all creatures,
187
00:08:05,268 --> 00:08:06,667
and it's called love.
188
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,820
Now, how about
that River Jordan?
189
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:12,123
♪ River Jordan
is deep and wide
190
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:15,293
♪ Hallelujah ♪
191
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,894
Join us, bear!
192
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,575
♪ Milk and honey
on the other side
193
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,934
♪ Hallelujah ♪
194
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,123
Good morning, boys.
195
00:08:29,192 --> 00:08:30,603
What's in store for today?
196
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:33,160
Well, I thought we'd start
with a vigorous power walk
197
00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:34,295
around the neighborhood.
198
00:08:34,363 --> 00:08:36,497
Whoa, I was thinking
we would just watch
199
00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:38,806
Dr. Oz and eat cold
cuts off our stomach.
200
00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:44,372
Those people ain't taking
good care of themselves.
201
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,042
What? But there's
so much to do
and experience!
202
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,045
Did you know that
the Quahog Museum
has an interactive display
203
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,813
on the history of
the garment district?
204
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,476
Look, Chip, Chip,
slow down, all right?
205
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,027
You know,
just because
everything's new to you
206
00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,812
doesn't mean you have
to do it all at once.
207
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,220
Peter, where's your sense
of fun and adventure?
208
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,367
You're starting to sound
like a stick-in-the-mud.
209
00:09:01,391 --> 00:09:03,169
Well, that stuff
sounds exhausting.
210
00:09:03,193 --> 00:09:05,304
I'm just being honest,
like George Washington.
211
00:09:05,328 --> 00:09:08,062
George, did you chop down
our cherry tree?
212
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,276
I cannot tell
a lie. Yes.
213
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,534
And what is this pamphlet
I found under your bed
214
00:09:12,602 --> 00:09:14,436
called The Boston He Party?
215
00:09:14,504 --> 00:09:16,170
Not mine.
216
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,277
Wow! Is there any
better time in the world
217
00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:25,580
than 11:00 a.m.
on a Wednesday?
218
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,282
You already have
two days of hard work
under your belt,
219
00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:30,184
and there's so much
more work to come.
220
00:09:30,253 --> 00:09:32,453
Look, I'm trying to
get this stuff done here.
221
00:09:32,522 --> 00:09:35,156
Griffin, did you finish
those purchasing reports?
222
00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:36,390
Oh, that voice!
223
00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:38,126
It's like God sneezing!
224
00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:39,505
What the hell is this?
225
00:09:39,529 --> 00:09:40,929
They found a guy on my neck.
226
00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,263
Hello there.
227
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,133
I've never met
a supervisor/supermodel
before.
228
00:09:45,201 --> 00:09:46,600
Do you like crab?
229
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,831
There's a knockout
crab place right
around the corner.
230
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,049
What the hell are you doing?
231
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:52,307
I'm using my knowledge
of the local food scene
232
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:54,209
to get this woman
to go to bed with me.
233
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,611
Well, now we know.
234
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,580
I can taste what he eats.
235
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:03,067
What are we watching?
236
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,280
Oh, it's just a tennis match.
237
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,920
So this is tennis!
238
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:09,523
Wow! Wow! Wow!
239
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:12,359
Wow! Wow! Wow!
240
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:13,539
15-love.
241
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:14,974
That was just one point?
242
00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:17,832
Federer and Hastings are known
for their long rallies.
243
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:19,211
Federer to serve.
244
00:10:19,235 --> 00:10:22,103
Wow! Wow! Wow!
245
00:10:22,172 --> 00:10:25,106
Wow! Wow! Wow!
246
00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:28,009
Wow! Wow! Wow!
247
00:10:28,078 --> 00:10:31,345
Wow! Wow! Wow!
248
00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,457
15 all.
249
00:10:32,481 --> 00:10:33,915
And this is just the first game
250
00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:36,050
of the first round
of a three-week tournament?
251
00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:37,752
Yay!
252
00:10:37,821 --> 00:10:39,131
This is more
painful than sitting
253
00:10:39,155 --> 00:10:41,434
through those
parent-teacher-cheetah
meetings.
254
00:10:41,458 --> 00:10:44,142
So, in short, your
kids are all doing great.
255
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,955
Keep reading to
them every night,
256
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,623
and I think we're
gonna have a great year.
257
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,109
So unless there
are any questions,
thank you all for coming.
258
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:54,185
Uh, yeah,
I noticed the hot lunch menu
doesn't feature any gazelle.
259
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,100
I'll bring that up to the board.
260
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:59,657
Yeah. See, I heard
that last year,
261
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,210
and here we are again.
262
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,659
Listen, Doc, is there any way
263
00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,328
you can have this thing
on my neck removed?
264
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:11,986
Well, Mr. Griffin,
your organs and his
are intertwined.
265
00:11:12,054 --> 00:11:13,854
That would be a highly
dangerous procedure.
266
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,156
You could die.
267
00:11:15,225 --> 00:11:16,841
On the other hand, if you live,
268
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,471
I'll let you pick any
prize off that shelf.
269
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:20,039
Even the tiny pinball machine?
270
00:11:20,063 --> 00:11:21,540
Oh, that shouldn't
have been up there.
271
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:23,893
Look, Doc, you got to do
the procedure, all right?
272
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,650
I don't care if I die.
273
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:29,403
I mean, maybe in my next
life, I'll come back as
an air bag or something.
274
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,994
It's okay. It's okay.
Peter's got you.
275
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,328
Don't you worry.
276
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,108
Everything's gonna be all right.
277
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,264
Is my wife okay?
278
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,411
No, the ski boots
that was in the back
279
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,435
flew up and
chopped her head off.
280
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,784
You can turn your
blinker off now,
it's very annoying.
281
00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:05,651
Nurse, have somebody
fix that clock.
It's very distracting.
282
00:12:05,675 --> 00:12:07,555
All right,
let's get this started.
283
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:16,495
All right, halfway done.
284
00:12:16,519 --> 00:12:18,019
Time for a break.
285
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:25,007
♪ I hate myself
286
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:27,228
♪ For loving you
287
00:12:27,296 --> 00:12:29,063
♪ Can't break free
288
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:31,198
♪ From the things
that you do... ♪
289
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,875
Oh, God, I'm so nervous.
290
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,286
Thank God
Stewie's too
little to understand.
291
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:43,011
Look at him over there,
playing that board game.
292
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:46,414
Ah, three.
Okay, one, two...
293
00:12:46,483 --> 00:12:48,232
Sorry!
294
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,421
Sorry!
The board game thatteaches you to be a dick.
295
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,106
Dr. Hartman, is everything
all right with my dad?
296
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:57,609
Griffins,
I'm afraid
we lost him.
297
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,655
What?
Oh, my God!
298
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,124
Hey, guys.
Oh, there he is.
299
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,192
It worked!
I'm free at last!
300
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,683
But what about Chip?
Where's Chip?
301
00:13:05,735 --> 00:13:08,369
Hey, everybody,
look who's walking!
302
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,454
Chip!
303
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,001
Oh, Chip,
I'm so glad
you're okay.
304
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:15,054
Yeah, and I'm okay, too.
305
00:13:15,078 --> 00:13:17,622
So, you know,
Chip, now that
you're a free man,
306
00:13:17,646 --> 00:13:19,291
this is a chance
for you to go out
307
00:13:19,315 --> 00:13:20,893
and make a real life
for yourself someplace.
308
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:23,162
I'll tell you what,
anywhere you want to go,
I'll FedEx you.
309
00:13:23,186 --> 00:13:25,064
What are you
talking about,
Peter?
310
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:26,665
Chip is part of our family.
311
00:13:26,689 --> 00:13:28,623
He's staying with us.
What?
312
00:13:28,692 --> 00:13:29,768
Yay!
Yay!
313
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,142
Awesome!
314
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,931
Hey, hey, Dad?
Yeah, I'm done.
315
00:13:32,963 --> 00:13:34,963
Can you pick me up?
316
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,898
Oh. That's okay,
I have a book.
317
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,367
Oh, hey, Peter.
318
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,757
Lois, where's the couch?
319
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,488
Chip redecorated
the room to improve
the feng shui.
320
00:13:49,512 --> 00:13:52,057
He said our old
furniture was blocking
the flow of energy.
321
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,966
I had my life's fart
savings in that couch!
322
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,433
And where are the drapes?
323
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,581
Chip took them
to make play clothes
for the children.
324
00:13:58,605 --> 00:13:59,704
What?
325
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,355
Oh, hey, Peter.
You're home.
326
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,912
Hi, Dad!
Hi, Daddy.
327
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,525
We dug a lake for this!
328
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:10,848
Whoa!
329
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,885
Come out of that water at once!
330
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,836
Gosh, isn't Chip wonderful?
331
00:14:15,905 --> 00:14:17,933
No, he's not wonderful,
Lois, he's annoying.
332
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,835
I don't get why everyone's
so in love with that guy.
333
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,903
What's so great about him?
334
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,393
Well, to be honest,
335
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,563
the same thing
that used to be
so great about you.
336
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,142
What? What are
you talking about?
337
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:28,377
Just that when you were younger,
338
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,801
you were as passionate
and full of life as him.
339
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,056
Hey, boys, catch me if you can!
340
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,890
Oh, crap! I didn't
realize they had bikes!
341
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,791
What
are they gonna do
when they catch me?
342
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,161
Oh, boy, I got a
back-of-the-head
punch coming,
343
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,251
I just know it!
344
00:14:52,842 --> 00:14:55,642
♪ It seems today
that all you see
345
00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:56,928
What the hell?
346
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:59,347
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
347
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,817
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
348
00:15:02,885 --> 00:15:05,419
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
349
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,716
What the...
What the hell is
going on here?
350
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,351
You're singing
our song without me?
351
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,409
Oh, sorry,
Peter, we couldn't
find you.
352
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,311
Do you want to
sing your part, Peter?
353
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,012
Go ahead.
354
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:18,527
♪ But where arethe fashioned...Good fashion... ♪
355
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,168
I don't want to!
356
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:27,841
I tell you,
Chip is making my life
a living hell, you guys.
357
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:30,622
Remind me again,
Chip is that African
kid you adopted?
358
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:33,046
No, that was Chocolate
Chip. We gave him
back to Kenya.
359
00:15:33,115 --> 00:15:35,193
But I can't
take it anymore.
I got to get rid of him.
360
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:36,629
Well, what are you gonna do?
361
00:15:36,653 --> 00:15:38,230
I don't know yet,
but I'll come up
with something.
362
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:39,665
After all,
I'm the guy
who invented
363
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,640
"Choose Your
Own Adventure or
Have Pie in Bed."
364
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,075
I picked the pie again.
365
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,351
Hey, welcome backto The Mikey Tony
Magnanimous Hour,
366
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,432
where real peopleget magnanimousabout real things.
367
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,956
This week's real thing.
Hey, Native Americans,
368
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,703
if I saw you on
the street begging,
369
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,337
I'd throw a buck
in your moccasin.
370
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,122
Next week's magnanimous thing,
371
00:16:04,146 --> 00:16:06,925
I'm wearing thisyellow bracelet.You're welcome.
372
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,645
Peter, what the
hell is that thing?
373
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,536
It's a dingo.
I named him Bingo.
374
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,504
If you can't
have fun with that,
you're crazy.
375
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:16,835
Hey, Peter.
376
00:16:16,859 --> 00:16:18,270
What's that?
377
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,334
Oh, he's gonna
turn you into a
pile on Joe's lawn.
378
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,440
What?
379
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:22,541
Here, let's play steak catch.
380
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,848
Oh, boy, I got it!
381
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,182
Hey, back to you, Peter!
382
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,733
Oh, cool! Steak catch!
383
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:28,802
I'm gonna use my one
steak-in-the-pants
time-out.
384
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:31,773
Ahhh! No!
Not me! Not me!
385
00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,357
Attack him! Ahhh!
386
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:37,411
Hey, it's 3:00 p.m.
Should I give up on breakfast?
387
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,576
Ahhh! Brian!
Browser history,
clear it!
388
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,920
Peter, that dingo
was meant to
eat me, wasn't it?
389
00:16:43,953 --> 00:16:45,552
Why would you do that?
390
00:16:45,622 --> 00:16:48,122
Because my life was fine
before you showed up.
391
00:16:48,191 --> 00:16:50,140
My family liked me,
and I didn't feel bad
392
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,209
about not ever doing new stuff.
393
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,728
Well, I never asked to
grow out of your neck.
394
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:57,331
My life was better
before I met you, too!
395
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,151
You're a terrible brother,
husband and father.
396
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,199
I'm out of here,
and you could go to hell!
397
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,789
Wow! What a nice day out!
Look! A rainbow!
398
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:07,958
I did it.
399
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,309
He's gone.
400
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:12,629
Just as easy as
the creation of
techno music.
401
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,314
Wait a minute,
what key are we in?
402
00:17:14,383 --> 00:17:16,543
No, no, no, no, no,
none of that.
403
00:17:21,757 --> 00:17:23,502
Oh, hey, Peter.
Where's Chip?
404
00:17:23,526 --> 00:17:25,171
I haven't seen him all day.
405
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:26,906
He likes to yell out,
"Good luck!"
406
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:28,573
after they read
each lottery number.
407
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:30,075
He's gone.
I threw him out.
408
00:17:30,099 --> 00:17:31,699
You what?
No!
409
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,100
Peter, how could you?
410
00:17:33,169 --> 00:17:35,397
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you all
coming down on me for?
411
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,599
Meg throws away people
who come out of her
body all the time,
412
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:38,701
nobody says nothing.
413
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,008
Peter, Chip was
a part of our family.
414
00:17:41,076 --> 00:17:42,309
And he's so little.
415
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,145
He can get hurt
out there on his own.
416
00:17:44,213 --> 00:17:45,579
We got to go find him.
417
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,898
We should look for him
in the ball pit at McDonald's.
418
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,045
You can just leave me there,
I'll conduct the search.
419
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,897
Meg's right!
Come on, kids.
420
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:54,505
Let's go find Chip
and bring him back!
421
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,091
You guys do whatever you want.
I got stuff to do anyway.
422
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,037
I got to get ready
for my Bar Mitzvah.
423
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,848
♪ I want fancy things
like my friend Ephraim
424
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,528
♪ I want the newest
ten-speed bicycle
425
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,730
♪ That I will ride oncebut then I willcall my parents
426
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,320
♪ and have them come get me
427
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:12,222
♪ I want to swim in the pool
but only with my shirt on
428
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,291
♪ I want to lose
my virginity at 24
429
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,360
♪ But tell everyone I was 16 ♪
430
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,969
Ah, crap, I'm out of beer.
431
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:28,272
Great. I have to
walk down these stairs
the one day I wore heels.
432
00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:35,229
Son of a bitch!
433
00:18:35,297 --> 00:18:36,831
I think I broke my leg!
434
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,814
There's no way
I'm gonna make it
back up those stairs.
435
00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:46,190
Nope.
436
00:18:48,077 --> 00:18:50,410
Peter? It's me, Chip.
437
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:53,247
Listen, I'm sorry for
the mean things I said.
438
00:18:53,315 --> 00:18:55,115
Help!
Peter?
439
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,653
Holy smokes!
Peter, are you okay?
440
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:02,362
These books was
already down here!
I'm not a nerd!
441
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,559
Oh, my God!
442
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:06,572
We got to get this
leg set and get you
to the hospital!
443
00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:09,263
Oh, cool. That's
the place with all
the Ghostbusters cars!
444
00:19:30,185 --> 00:19:31,563
If you had only done that
while you were here,
445
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,019
we wouldn't be in this mess.
446
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,037
Mr. Griffin, you're
a lucky man.
447
00:19:39,061 --> 00:19:41,712
If it weren't for Chip here,
you might have lost your leg.
448
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,592
The bad news is,
we did an X-ray,
449
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,250
and your body is full of
a spooky skeleton man.
450
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,819
Gosh, Chip, I don't
know how to thank you.
451
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,254
No problem, Peter.
452
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,089
You would have done
the same thing for me.
453
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:54,926
You know, Chip, Lois
was right about you.
454
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,427
You are special.
455
00:19:56,495 --> 00:20:00,164
You've got all
the sense of wonder
that I somehow lost.
456
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:04,201
I got so used to watching TV
and looking for tiny
jean fibers in my nuts,
457
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:07,316
I forgot there's
a whole world out
there to experience.
458
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,018
Thank you for showing me that.
459
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:12,443
As far as I'm concerned,
you're a permanent
part of our family now.
460
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,613
Well, that sure is
nice of you, Peter, but...
461
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,647
There's a big old
world out there.
462
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,333
I want to go out and
experience it for myself.
463
00:20:20,402 --> 00:20:21,818
Aw...
464
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,572
Well, I'm sorry
to see you go,
but I understand.
465
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,474
Oh, we're gonna miss you, Chip.
466
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:34,281
I'm too tough to cry,
but I'm gonna miss you, too.
467
00:20:38,253 --> 00:20:40,921
Safe travels, buddy,
and keep in touch.
468
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,106
I will!
469
00:20:43,025 --> 00:20:44,692
Whee!
470
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,611
Good-bye, Chip!
Bye!
471
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,646
Come back soon, okay?
472
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,775
But Chip never did come back.
473
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:55,018
He became the new, young,funny kid on ABC's The Middle.
474
00:20:57,290 --> 00:21:00,490
Wow! This is just
a whole bunch of loud garbage!35852
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