All language subtitles for Evan Almighty 2007 1080p DDP.5.1 H.264

[ Female Anchor ]
And that's the news.

But before we sign off
we'd like to congratulate,

our very own Evan Baxter,

who has just been elected,

Buffalo's representative
to Congress.

And now we have a surprise
- for Evan.
- No, you don't.

- We do.
- Oh, no.

I really didn't
expect this.

Here's a look back
at his run for office.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

What are we gonna do?

[ All ]
Change the world!

That's right!

♪ This land is your land ♪

♪ This land is my land ♪

♪ From California ♪

♪ To the New York Island ♪

♪ From the redwood forests ♪

♪ To the Gulf Stream waters ♪

Hi!

[ All ]
Baxter! Baxter!

That's right!

[ Clears Throat ]

I feel like that old Indian
in front of all the garbage.

So, for the last time,

this is Evan Baxter
for Eyewitness News.

Good night.

♪ [ Rock ]

♪ Someone told me long ago ♪

♪ There's a calm
before the storm ♪

[ Woman on GPS ]
Huntsville, Virginia,
Prestige Crest,

four miles.

What did we do
before GPS?

Nothing.

Guys, Dad's very proud
of his new car.

Hey, I am proud
of my new car.

Look, I'm a politician now.

I'm in the public eye,
and as you know,

when you are in
the public eye,

image is everything,
isn't it?

♪ Shining down like water ♪

[ Evan ]
Here it is!
Welcome to the good life.

Hey, guys,
why the long faces?

We're off
on a new adventure.

It's just-- We're gonna
miss our friends.

You'll make new friends.
Better friends.

Yeah, richer friends.

Do not mouth-off
to me, sir.

I am the boss of you,

and let me
tell you something,

you guys are gonna
love this place.

Oh, and you know what?

I think there's something
for our fisherman up there.

Baxter family,
this is what's called
a scenic vista,

and I don't think
the big man himself
could do a better job.

Pretty cool, huh?

An iguana can stay
underwater for 28 minutes.

- What's that?
- And a shrimp's heart
is in its head.

- Really?
- Okay, someone's had enough
Animal Planet for one lifetime.

Yes, let's head out.
Come on. Best is yet to come.

Gentlemen, I have saved
the best for last.

Look over to the right.
That... is your new home.

- Whoa.
- That's our house?

Uh-huh.

I don't remember it being
this big in the brochure.

Pretty amazing,
isn't it?

Here they are!

Is this curb appeal or what?

Here we go!

Ooh, honey, I think
you're blocking my photo.

Sorry.

All right,
everybody say "escrow."

[ All ]
Escrow!

Come on, come on,
go, go, go!

Whoa.

[ Evan ]
Guys, easy.

- Check it out.
- Whoa!

- This is our house?
- Uh-huh.

[ Evan ]
Careful.

[ Joan ]
- Oh, honey, be careful.
- Watch it.

Are you kidding me?

- Can we go upstairs?
- Yup.

And I get my own room,
- right?
- Yup.

Mr. Baxter, could you
give us some direction
on these kitchen cabinets?

Sure.

Okay, it's between
your maple--Yeah.

and your old-growth
Brazilian cherry.

Ooh, that is nice.
Which is best?

Well, if you're not sensitive
to that "save the rain forest"
stuff,

you can't beat
the Brazilian cherry.

It's 200-300 years old.

- Three hundred years.
- Three hundred.

Wow, that is old.

And now you are going
to hold my dishes.

That's right. You're gonna
go with the cherry?

- Yeah, definitely.
- He's goin' with the cherry!

Dad, look!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Ryan, do not
touch him please.

Oh, no, no. No, no,
get him away! He might have
lice-flea-maggots or something.

We do not play
with stray dogs because
they are very dir-- Ooh!

No-- Ow!
Get away, get away.

Whoa, oh, ha, okay.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- He's thirsty.

No, you don't.
There we go.

Well, Ryan, he's a stray.

If we give him water
he's just going to come back.

Come on, Dad.
Why can't we keep him?

We've got a new house.

Okay, Ryan, this is why
we can't keep him.

They are stinky,
they get hair
all over the place,

they get a little thing
called the mange.

In a nutshell,
he is disgusting.

Case in point.

Oh, yes.

[ Evan ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
this concludes day one,

of the Baxters'
new and exciting life.

I have to do
the new-house dance.
Mmm. Mmm.

- Wow, that dance?
- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

That's a good
- new-house dance.
- Thank you.

You know,
those boys were having
so much fun tonight,

I thought I would
never get them to bed,

and then Ryan
did the cutest thing.

He asked if we
could all pray together.

Really. What, uh,
what did you pray about?

He met a dog. What do you
think he prayed for?

Oh, yuck, aah.

It's a walking
petri dish, that dog.

And Jordan was very precise.

He prayed
for good visibility,

good weather on
the hiking trip tomorrow.

The hiking trip? Oh, right,
yeah. The hiking trip.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You wanna know
what I prayed for?

Yeah, what'd you pray for?

I prayed we would
become closer as a family.

Honey, you don't need
to pray for that to happen.

I will make that happen.

What would you pray for?

Me? I don't know.

Praying just--
[ Scoffs ]

Honey, you're the one
who said you wanted
to change the world.

It's a pretty big job.

If it were me I would take
all the help I could get.

[ Crowd ]
Baxter! Baxter!

[ Female Reporter ]
Former Buffalo
news anchor Evan Baxter,

takes office tomorrow
to make good on a lofty
campaign promise.

[ Baxter ]
What are we gonna do?

[ All ]
Change the world!

[ Female Reporter ]
Good luck, Congressman.

Many have tried,
many have failed.

Hello!

This is Regina Sparks
reporting for MS--

[ Sighs ]

[ Clears Throat ]

Hello there. Hi.

This is Evan. Baxter.

Um, just wanted to say
thank you for everything.

Thank you for the new car,
and for the house.

The house is great.
Um, I love it.

I mean, I picked it out,

but you created matter
and everything, so...

um, I just wanted to say,

that I think Joan
makes a good point,

and that I am now
in a position of great power,

and I know that
with great power comes
great responsibility.

So, God--

[ Clears Throat ]

please help me
change the world.

Okay. That's it.
I'm hangin' up now.

God bless.
Well, you-- Okay.

[ Alarm Clock Buzzes ]

Okay.

What? That's weird.

What?

- I set the alarm for 7:00.
- Oh.

[ Grunts ]

[ Raps Countertop ]

I am successful, I am powerful,
I am handsome, I am happy.

Successful, powerful,
handsome, happy.

All right, everyone,
wish me luck.

The congressman
has left the building.

All right, Baxter brood,

I will see you later on
this afternoon,

for the big hike, huh? Yes?

- Huh?
- You psyched? You ready?

- Bye.
- Good luck, honey.

- See ya. Bye, guys.
- Later, gator.

Ow! Gosh!

Wow.

Honey, did you order anything?

Alpha and Omega Hardware?

[ Joan ]
Never heard of 'em.

Me either.

What do we have--

[ Gasps ]

What is this stuff?

Must have the wrong address.

Yep. Wrong address.

Congressman Baxter,
- good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning,
- Congressman Baxter.
- Hello.

Morning,
- Congressman Baxter.
- Good morning.

Oh, this is so cool.

Uh-huh. Yeah. This'll work.

There he is, the head honcho,
the big kahuna.

Rita, I think
I have to do the dance.

Do the dance.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

- That's enough of the dance.
- Oh, this is nice.

This is really nice.

It's too nice.
There's something
crooked going on.

[ Sniffs ]
Do you smell anthrax?

- Congressman?
- Hey, Marty.

Ooh,
- nice sound to that.
- I like it.

- Here they are.
- Hey, all right!

You remember Sarah, Alan,
Michael. I don't think you know
the new kid, Eugene Tennenbaum.

I found him at GW.
Sort of a walking
search engine. Watch this.

- How many stars
on the flag in 1818?
- Fifteen.

And Congressman
Baxter's coffee habits?

He likes a morning latte
with a cruller,

a decaf espresso after lunch
served sans pastry of any kind.

Very impressive.
Little freaky,
but I like this kid.

[ Laughs ]
I love you.

Hmm?

I mean, we should
hang out socially.

I just got a Ping-Pong table.

Not going to happen.

Go find out where
his license plates are.

Everybody else,
back to your holes.

I'm doin' a background check
on that kid.

Ta-da. This, my friend,
is a power office,

to remind you of the mission.

- Change the world.
- Change the world.

Okay, Evan,
who do you know?

- What do you mean?
- Come on.

Yesterday
we're in the basement,

today, look at this place.
It's like the Emerald City.

"Enjoy your office.
Your neighbor,
Congressman Long."

Congressman Long did th--
Did you say "neighbor"?

That's right.
He lives in Prestige Crest.
Right up the street.

Evan, you've got
to tell me these things.

Think of the publicity
angle on this.

You and Congressman Long
having a barbecue.

Congressman Long
eating your hot dog.

Hate to break up
your little weenie roast.

Congressman Long's assistant
just dropped this off.

The congressman would like
for you to junior cosponsor...

this bill
that he's introducing.

Hold on,
Congressman Long asked us
to junior cosponsor his bill?

What's the bill?

The Citizens' Integration
of Public Lands Act.

Never heard of it.
Gene, here now.[ Switch Clicks ]

- Rita, why didn't you
tell me about this?
- I just did.

You need to tell me
before I need to know.

You are not
the vice congressman.

Nobody voted for you.

If Evan gets shot
in the head you do not--

If Evan got shot
you're the first suspect.

Play nice. Play nice.

Eugene, what's
Congressman Long's bill?

HR7124, better known
as CINPLAN.

The bill would open up
fringe areas...

of the national parks
for development. Long's been--

Got it. Pause. Come on,
Evan, this is huge.

You hitch your wagon
to the right star,

you could ride
all the way down
to Pennsylvania Avenue.

This is day one!

You got your name on
a major piece of legislation.

Oh, and another thing.
He wants you to read it today.

- Well, I can't do it today.
I promised my kids--
- Eugene.

There's a time clock
on the bill. If Congressman Long
wants to pass it this quarter,

he's going to have
to introduce it
to the committee immediately.

I'm personally going
with whatever Congressman
Baxter decides,

because if I could be,
like, one man, it'd be him.

Either him or Kareem.

Can I tase him?

Gene, heel.

It'd probably be you.

Come on, Evan. This is it.
This is why we came here.

It's world-changing time.

[ Chattering, Shouting ]

Hey, anybody home?

Hey, Dad, come on,
we're in here.

Hey, guys.

Dad, guess what?
I got all your stuff
packed up so that--

What's wrong?

We're not goin',
are we?

First things first.

I have been asked
to junior cosponsor a bill.

Yeah.

See? I told you.
And you owe me five bucks.

Whoa, whoa, guys, hey, hey,

we said we would have
to make sacrifices, right?

Yeah, whatever.
New house, same old dad.

[ Evan ]
Hey, I'm the one
who has to read this thing.

Hey. Did you hear?

Junior cosponsor of a bill.

Hmm.

Okay, Ry, let's clean
all this stuff up.

Dad's got work to do.

Come on, babe.

[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Alarm Buzzes ]

Oh, 6:14. Of course.

Voodoo clock speaks again.

What the...

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Oh, okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on?

Got a delivery
for Evan Baxter.

Yeah, that's not mine.
I didn't order that.

I just deliver, guy, huh?

You got a complaint,
call the number.

No, hey, listen,
we are 416 not 614!

You got the wrong house!

You can't leave that there!
Listen! Listen!

That's gonna leave
a brown patch!

I am a U.S. congressman!

[ Commentator On TV ]
Penalty early on
could be very costly.

Instead of punting from
deep in their own territory,

they're already
out to mid-field right now.

Yeah, and that's just
that quick throw again.

It's not a three-step
drop, you just...

Dad, what are you doing?
I'm watching this.

Genesis 6:14.

Gen 6:14.

Joan, do we have
a Bible anywhere?

Genesis 6:14.

"Make thee an ark
of gopherwood."

Gopherwood?

[ Man ]
Go-4-Wood. Get it?

Well, it's not
really gopherwood.

I just like the wordplay.

No, it's pine and maple.

It was clear-cut
from this valley,

to make room
for all those houses.

Excuse me, do I know you?

Not as well as I'd like.

I see you got
my housewarming gift?

That was you? You sent those?

What are they for?

Hey, hey...

Genesis chapter six verse 14.

I want you to build an ark.

You want me to build an ark?

Yes.

So that's why the tools...

and you are responsible
for the wood?

Mm-hmm.

All right, well, uh,
let's just start over.

[ Clears Throat ]

Hello, I am Evan Baxter--

Born June 15th 1962,
eight pounds 11 ounces.

Mother's Carol-Anne Parker,
father, Eugene Evan Baxter.

Ooh, you have Internet
access. Very impressive.

- Do you also have cable?
- You're a clean freak.

You care much too much
about your outward appearance.

Your left nipple
is a quarter inch higher
than your right nipple,

and when you were
a little boy,

you were afraid of Gumby.

Who are you?

I'm God.

You're God?

Yes, and I want you,
Evan Baxter,

to build an ark.

Okay, you know what?

This conversation
is a little thing,

I like to call... over.

But I gotta get going
because, frankly,

I have an ark to build.

Busy, busy, busy, busy.
Nice meetin' ya.

Take care.

Oh, and--

All right, see you later.

Shake it off, Evan.
It's over.

The nutcase is gone.

I am successful,
I'm powerful,

I'm handsome, I'm happy.

Successful,
powerful, handsome,

happ--ah--aah!

Let it out, son.

It's the beginning
of wisdom.

How did you get in here?
Aah! I'm calling the cops.

Oh, no need. Look, look.
There's one right there.

Officer! Officer!

Officer! Carjacker!

Carjacker in the car!
Carjacker in the car!

Oh!

Careful pulling out.

Pedestrian in the crosswalk.

[ Honk ]

[ Elevator Dings ]

[ Blubbers ]

Shake it off, shake it off.

Mornin', chief.

Aah!

Good morning, Rita.

You almost scared me to death.
What's wrong with you?

Nothing. Just sort of
a weird ride in.

Weird how?

It was just a weird ride in.

Okay, well,
thanks for clarifying.

Here's your mail
and your schedule.

Oh, and they finally
fixed the phones.

My new extension is 614.

Six fourteen?

Yeah. Six-one-four?

Right.

You want me
to write that down?

I'd rather you didn't.

Good morning!
Hey, Long came through...

with that seat on the House
Resource Committee.

You stuck in your thumb
and pulled out a plumb,
my friend.

Also the new congressional
plates just came in.

Gene, plates. Now.

And Alex at the Buffalo
office had her baby.

- Boy or girl?
- A little boy,
and here he is,

cute as a button, not bad
for such an ugly woman.

- Weighed in at--
- Six pounds, 14 ounces.

- How'd you know that?
- Lucky guess.

Whoa, whoa, hot, hot.

Hot off the press.

It's a joke.

- Here are your plates, sir.
- [ Gasps ]

[ Marty ]
Those are rock star
plates, man.

You can park anywhere.

You can't be sitting.
You got a committee meeting
in five minutes.

Come on, B.M.I.C.
Big man in Congress.

Evan Baxter,
the shark on the move.

[ Gavel Pounds ]

[ Man ]
This resources committee
is now in order.

Chair recognizes the
congresswoman from Tennessee,

to lead the Pledge
of Allegiance.

[ All ]
I pledge allegiance...

to the flag...

of the United States
of America...

and to the republic...

for which it stands...

one nation...
under me...

indivisible...

with liberty
and justice for all.

How long do you
wanna do this, son?

I've got all eternity.

[ Crowd Gasps ]

[ Whistles ]

Hey, you okay, young man?

- What happened?
- You fainted.

Dropped like a leaf during
the Pledge of Allegiance.
Chuck Long.

- Resources Committee chairman?
- Oh, oh,
Congressman Long, yes.

Oh, I'm so--
I'm so sorry about--Forget it.

Many a man's been humbled
by his first day in Congress.

So, how'd you like
that office?

Oh, it was great, yes.
Thank you, sir.

Not bad for a freshman
dorm room, huh?

So, here's the skinny.

I'm bringing you
into my land use bill,

because you strike me
as the type of guy...

who knows how to hit
the ground running.

Yes, sir. I've read
the bill, and it's great.
I just had a few questions?

Hey, I wrote the thing,
and I have a few questions.

We'll get
to the questions later.

So, you with us?

- Yes, sir. I'm in.
- Wonderful.

I'll need you to put that
into a letter of intent,

as soon as you're
feeling up to it.

Enjoy that office.

Thank you, sir.

He's exhausted
from reading that bill.

I got woozy
from just carrying it.

Evan, sit down.

Evan, what happened to you?

You can't faint during
the Pledge of Allegiance.

- It's un-American.
- Oh, good,
a doctor's here.

Say "ahh."

Just go home,
get some rest,

and start on that ark.

You hear me?

Evan?

[ Evan ]
Okay, God warned Noah that
a great flood was coming.

Noah built the ark
with his wife and three sons.

[ Ryan ]
I want strawberries,
I want strawberries.

Why don't you
have some strawberries?

[ Sighs ]

The ark was 300 cubits long
and 50 cubits high.

- This is insane!
- What's insane?

- Hmm?
- Congressman Long's bill?

Yeah, the bill.
That's what I was looking at.

There's a lot of, um,
a lot of research to do.

[ Groans ]

You know, babe,
you have every right
to be freaked out.

Freaked out?
I'm not freaked out.

- Why would I be freaked out?
- I'm freaking out.

This house alone
is a huge adjustment,

and you've got a new job,
and New Land Act bill
you're working on.

We're in a new town.
I mean, that's a lot of new.

So you think
I'm just stressed?

Evan, honey,
I've known you 20 years.

I know you're stressed.

[ Ryan ]
Oh, my gosh.

Hey, stop it!

Well, that's the sugar
- kicking in.
- Yes, it is.

Thank you, hon.

Eat your ice cream.

I will. Thanks.

I hope she's right.

This is crazy.

I'm just stressed,
and you are gone.

[ Evan ]
Good morning, troops.

Good morning.

Good morning.
How are you?

- Wow.
- Mwah!

Somebody's in a good mood.

I am. I thought
about what you said,
and you are right.

I need to get my head
on straight. Guess what?

This weekend we are going
on that hiking trip.

Yeah!

Yeah! Right here!
High-five me.

Righteous.

Righteous. We're gonna have
a righteous hiking trip.

Hey, Dad, look,
two doves.

That's supposed
to be good luck.[ Evan ] Hmm.

Well, today
must be my lucky day.

- Bye, guys. Bye.
- Bye.

[ Meows ]

Good morning, kitties.
Keep movin'. Not your house.

[ Meows ]

Hey, when you're on my lawn
keep it in your butt.

[ Chitters ]

Oh.

Oh! Hey, thanks for sharing.

[ Birds Caw ]

[ Birds Caw ]

[ Chipmunks Chitter ]

[ Chittering Continues ]

[ Screeching ]

[ Chirping ]

[ Chirping ]

[ Birds Squawking ]

No!

[ Elevator Dings ]

Oh, you're right on time.

Long just called.

He's on his way
with the powers that be.

Who are they, Gene?
Talk.

Congressman Jim Dodd,
head of Ways and Means,

but don't worry, sir.
He's definitely not way-mean.

That's speculation.
I don't know him personally.

That's too much, Gene.
Who else?

Congressman Richard Stamp,
head of Commerce,

and Bob Hughes
is Transportation.

I have a draft
of your support letter.

- Sounds like a plan.
- Are you all right?

I'm good.

You're sure you're good?

Okay.

- Morning, chief.
- Good morning, Rita.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

- You don't look so good.
- That's what I said.

You're all jumpy.
Are you on that fen-phen?

Guys, I'm fine.
I'll be inside.

[ Exhales ]

[ Caws ]

Ah, no, no, no.

Oh!

No! Okay, no, no.

No, oh, oh. No! No!

[ Grunts ]

Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, my God!

Guys, no, no. Get out!

Out! Aah!
They're all over my hair.

Gentlemen, welcome.

What an honor
to have you here.

I'm Marty Stringer,
I'm Congressman Baxter's
Chief of Staff.

This is Rita Daniels,
his executive assistant.

[ Rita On PA ]
Are you ready, sir?

Just a minute.

No, no, no.

Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty.
Big one!

Baxter's only a freshman,
sir, but I think you'll find
he is locked and loaded.

Good, maybe this young stud
can help me get these
old mares on board.

Oh, you'll be impressed.

[ Birds Chirping ]

Gentlemen.
Good to see you.

Do you want
to explain yourself,
Congressman?

What is going on?

Oh, these...

are birds.

What are they doing here?
How did they get in here?

Well, that is an
excellent question,

and my response
to said question is,

they are trained...
aviaries, sir.

Let me make you see
what I'm talking about.

I can make
any sort of movement,

and they will not get off!

Do you have a point,
Congressman?

Hey, guys, what's the point?

What's my point? Ow!

I'll tell you.

The point is...

that... man...

needs to dominate creatures.

And ultimately...

man must...

dictate what happens
in this country.

[ Sighs ]
God bless America.

I couldn't agree more.

You have got
to be kidding me.

[ Congressman ]
No, of course not.

We lost a huge
project last year,

because of the redheaded
woodpecker.

Those environmentalists
got so up in arms,

over the potential
disappearance,

of one stupid bird--

Yeah, birds are stupid
sometimes.

We lost over 25 million
dollars in business.

I see where you're going
with this, Congressman.
Good work.

Your little display
has obviously hit a chord.

Gentlemen.

From now on
let's keep the surprises...

to a maximum of, say... none.
Understood?

Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.

[ Sighs ]
Evan, that was brilliant.

Risky, but brilliant.

What the he--

I'll tell you one thing.
These birds...

had a nice, big meal
before they flew in here.

Want me to get my BB gun?

No, I want you
to open the door--

Open the door?[ Evan ]
Just open the door!

Close the door after I leave.

Just do it.

Okay.

One, two, three!

Oh!

Man, if I get the bird flu,

he is paying
for my medical bills.

[ Tires Screech ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Snorting ]

[ Bleating ]

Sheep!

[ Chittering ]

[ Hisses ]

Ooh. Ooh!

Oh, no.

Oh! Gah!

Aah! Go, go, go, go, go!
Get out.
[ Groans ]

[ Screams ]

[ Tires Screech ]

[ Donkey Brays ]

[ Growls ][ Moos ]

Ooh!

I'm not doing this.

It's insane.

No!

Enough already!

See? If you had an ark,

you'd have a place
to put 'em all.

- Why are you doing this?
- Why me?

[ Snorts ]

It's not time yet.

Go on. Go on.

Yeah, go on.

So, how 'bout it?

Feel like
living on the edge?

Beautiful, isn't it?

I remember
creating this valley.

Notice how the mountains
line up east to west.

That's so there'd
be lots of sunshine.

Where are we?

Don't recognize it, eh?

No.

Well, this is where
you live, son.

This is Prestige Crest.

I wanted you to see
the original design.

So you're...
really him, aren't you?

You want more proof?

I haven't done
the pillar of salt thing
in a while.

That's all right. I believe you.
I just don't understand
why you chose me.

You want to change
the world, son.

So do I.

Well, what--
well, why an ark?

I mean, that's like
flood territory.

You wouldn't do that again.

You wouldn't do that.

Would you do that?

Let's just say
that whatever I do,

I do because I love you.

Well, then you
have to understand,

that this whole
building an ark thing,

isn't really part
of my plans here.

I need to settle
into my house,

I need to make a good
impression at work--[ Laughing ]

What?

Your plans? That's--
[ Laughing ]

What are you talking--

We're talking about
an ark, right?

I mean, an ark?

An ark is huge.

I don't even know
where I would begin.

Well, I hear that a lot.

People want
to change the world,

don't know how to begin.

You wanna know how
to change the world, son?

One act of random
kindness at a time.

Build the ark.

I'll tell you what--

you build it,
I'll fill it.

And if anybody asks,

tell them...
a flood's coming.

Oh, and, um,
you might need this.

Okay. Okay, so what do I do?
I grab the wood--

Okay, you know?

That's... just cruel.

Do you see him?

I don't see him.

"Building an ark
the old fashioned way."

"God is the creator
of the Heavens and the Earth.

He lives in all things,

and has over six billion,
700 million children."

[ Alarm Buzzes ]

Gah!

[ Joan ]
Honey, you okay?
You need something?

No, nothing. Just...
dropped something.

Aah! Oh.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Yeah. Here we go.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on.
I mean, a beard?

A beard is so dirty.

Gah. Gross!

...It would really
help me out if you would--

Good morning.

Good mor--

Wow. Oh.

What's with the scruffle,
mountain man?

Oh, well, you know, I figured
it was the weekend, and...

I just thought...
you know... whatever.

[ Mumbling ]

- Honey, did I miss something?
- Hmm?

How long have
you been growing that?

[ Doorbell Rings ]
I'll get the door.

Congratulations!

What are you talking about?

The lots! You bought
the lots next door. Hello?

Oh.

And pulling the down payment
out of your home equity?

Very gutsy move.

- I didn't do that,
did I?
- You sure did.

So what's your plan?
What're you gonna do?

Turn a quick profit?
Build 'em out on spec?

[ Sighs ]

Who wants champagne?
Hip, hip, hooray!

Whoo!

You bought eight lots?

Yup. I was, uh,
going to surprise you.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Gomer Pyle.

[ Laughs ]

What are you doing?
We... we can't afford that.

Hey, Mom. John Lennon,
good to see you again.

Good to see you.

And eight lots?

What are you gonna do
with eight lots?

I don't know...
maybe I'll build a boat.

Did you say, "build a boat"?

It might be something
fun for the family.

We could, uh, take the boat,

go sailing on the lake.

Be great in case
it floods or something.

What is going on with you?

You bought all those lots,

and you're talking
- about building a boat!
- Yeah.

And you grow
this crazy beard.

Is this, like,
- a midlife crisis?
- It's not that bad.

It's not? Why do you think
they call it a crisis?

[ Children Chattering ]
Hey, keep it down,
you guys, okay?

Oh, my God.

Honey...

Oh, my God.

Honey...

I know this sounds crazy.

I really think
I need to do this.

Okay.

Build your boat.

Just don't
take too long, okay?

'Cause we didn't leave
our lives in Buffalo,

so you could sail
the S.S. Depression.

[ Thud ]

Here we go.

Gentlemen, I'm sure
you're all wondering,

why I've assembled
you here today.

An Argentine lake duck has
a penis as long as its body.

Wow, that's huge.
He must be proud.

So, I have come up with
a little construction project
for us this weekend.

- The whole weekend?
- The whole weekend, yes.

Maybe a couple weekends
after that.

I can do this.
♪ [ Rock ]

Help!

If I could stand up
that would be--

Here we go.

Oh, man.
Okay, that's good.

Ow!

Mother...

father, sister,
brother, wow!

Ow, okay.

Hey, Dad, he's back.

Ryan, no, don't do-- Ow!

Leverage it up.
Leverage. Okay.

You gotta put some body weight.
Ready? One, two, three.

Come on. Come on.

Oh![ Thud ]

Oh, I'm an idiot.

Nice to meet you,
Mr. Congressman.

Why do you have
raw-beef hands?

Well, I'm building an ark.

Ooh! Boo, boo, boo!
I got a boo-boo!

I got a boo-boo,
I got a boo-boo!

You ever hear of Home Depot?

Here we go, here we go.
Oh, yeah!

Boom, boom, bu-boom.

Oh, oh![ Thud ]

Oh, whoa! Gah!

Oh! Ooh!

Aah! Ow.

All right, so our little
Marlboro Man moment
didn't work out so well.

It's a disaster.
I don't know how to build
something like this.

That's easy.
Just don't.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Wow!

[ Phone Rings ]

Hello?

Yes, Marty,
your fearless leader
is right here.

Hey, Marty, what's up?

Yes, I'll tell him.
Thank you.

I might need security.

Thank you.

Can I help you?

Rita, it's me.

Why do you sound
like Evan Baxter,

but look like a Bee Gee?

Okay, all right.

Okay, that's great.
It's longer.

Oh, my God. It is you.

Evan, what happened?
Are you--

Did you fall
in a mine shaft?

- No.
- Did you just
come out of a coma?

No.

W-were you attacked
by a werewolf?

No, I wasn't.

Well, if you were going
for that rugged look,
you overshot it.

You look like a bum
in a suit. You need
Supercuts and a shave.

Da, da, da, da, da!

Right, yeah, but I can't.
It doesn't work.

What do you mean
it doesn't work?

It doesn't work!

W-what, are you
shooting up Rogaine?

Rita, if Evan shows up--

I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be with you
in just one mo--

Aah! Evan?

Take it in. To answer
any questions you may have,

I am going
through adult puberty.

This is all temporary.

Why did you bring me here?
What was so important?

What is so important?

I've got a letter of intent
about Congressman Long's bill.

You remember that, don't ya?
Well, you haven't been here,

and now he wants you
to sign this in person, Evan.

No, I can't do that.
Nope, nope, nope,
not gonna happen.

No, you can't do that.
Not looking like that.
You have to go shave.

I can't. When I shave
it grows back out.

That's what happens
when you shave.

But then you shave again!

You have no idea.

Evan, what is going on?

I'm...

building something.

[ Marty ]
You're building something?

Well, I hope
it's a barber shop.

Guys, I can't let Long
see me this way, okay?

Tell him I'm sick.

Just cover for me.
Just help me out.

Come on, Evan.
Be reasonable.

You gotta get rid
of that beard.

I need your face back.
I need you back.

Can you at least tell me
what you're building?

- Building a boat.
- You're building a boat?

Look, you gotta cover for me.
I don't want anybody to see--

[ Long ]
- Congressman!
- Me.

There you are.

Congressman Long, I-- I--

Stop stammering, son.
We all play hooky
from time to time.

I'm not gonna turn
you in to the principal.

Mostly because
I am the principal.

Very good.

What's with the veil?
You get ya a new set
of braces?

No, no, no. I--
No, that's hilarious, though.

Would you drop
that thing, son?

I can't understand
a word you're saying.

It's a wife thing, sir.

Just trying to spice up
the love life.

She's a big
Loggins and Messina fan.

Keepin' it fresh.
Keepin' it real.

Would you excuse us
for a moment?

The congressman and I
are going to have
a little chat.

Come on.

Nice, isn't it?
Politics is dog eat dog,

but if you survive
they give you a bigger den.
Have a seat.

So, tell me, Congressman,

are you freakin' out
on me, or what?

- No, sir.
- Ah, come on, son.

I hand you your first
cosponsorship of a bill,

and when you finally
show up you look like
the fifth Beatle.

Now, you expect me to believe
- everything is hunky-dory?
- Well, sir, actually,

things have been
a little more dory.

Of course they are.
I get it.

You know anything
about animals, son?

The Argentine lake duck has
a penis as long as its body.

Although you probably
already know that.

Or have heard it.
Not experienced it.

Have you ever heard
of the Arctic white wolf?

- No, sir.
- Top of the food chain.

It's fast, it's smart,
it can fend for itself,

but it chooses not to.
It chooses to run with a pack.

- And do you know why?
- No.

The Arctic white wolf,
congressman,

realizes that it is stronger
as part of a group.

You know what happens when
one of these wolves
decides to fend for itself?

The pack kills the loner
for the greater good
of the community.

Ouch, that hurts.

Are you familiar
with Jim Jenkins, the junior
congressman from Tennessee?

When I met Congressman Jenkins,

he was fresh off
the turnip truck,

but now he's sittin'
on his own committee.

Congressman Jenkins,
Congressman Whitehall,
Congressman Freeman,

they all have
committee chairs,

because they're all
runnin' with the pack.

Now, you have to come
to a decision.

Are you gonna run
with the pack, or are
you gonna lone-wolf it?

I am a pack man, sir.

Good, I'm introducing
the CINPLAN bill in two weeks.

C-Span is covering it live.

I want your full support
and nothing else.

Yes, sir.

Those fish are on you
like bait on a hook.

Birds follow you...

fish follow you...

see if we can get some
congressmen to follow you.

Let's get this bill passed,
shall we, Congressman?

Yes, sir.

Hey, flea bag,
out of the way.

Hey, Dad, I think
there are more animals
than yesterday.

Well, let's not keep
our audience waiting,
shall we?

[ Mooing ]

[ Growls ]

Up, up.

Push it up. Push it.

We got it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Just let go.
Just let it go.

Dad, we can do this,
but we're gonna
need some help.

I know. We just need
something to lift those beams.

[ Sighs ]

Like that?

Holy moley!

This is so totally awesome!

It's perfect.

Dad, there's a note.

Let me see that.

How does it work?

♪ [ Rock ]

Dad, this is really weird.

Repeat after me,
"We are hamsters"!

We are hamsters!

Leg power!

Leg power!

And it's in!

Whoo!

That's it!

Hey, who has opposable
thumbs? Anybody?

[ Moos ]

♪ We all wanna
change the world ♪

You wanna try this one?

Good. Make sure
it's straight.

This is so cool!

- Here we go.
- Oh, my God.

Yeah!

Come on, let's do the dance.

Uh-huh, yeah.
We're doin' the dance.

Come on, do the dance.

[ Dylan ]
I am not doin' the dance.

Oh! Go-- Ow! Ooh!

Don't scratch.

Doggie, come here.

Insult to injury. My!

Good boy, good boy.

Okay, guys,
a little bit more.
Here we go. I got it.

Okay.

Beautiful.

[ Dog Barks ]

[ Evan ]
You guys all right?

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

[ Reads Text Aloud ]

Well, I hope this isn't
our last supper.

[ Children Laughing ]

[ Weatherman ]
...this dry, hot weather
will continue...

[ God ]
Until September 22nd,
midday.

And if the ark isn't finished
by then, you will be.

Is that when
it's going to happen?
September 22nd midday?

[ Weatherman ]
High temperatures tomorrow,

back into the 90s everywhere
right on through Tuesday,

and the next seven days...

That would be a good day
to have chicken.

How about Mom's chicken?
Huh?

Hon, can we have
some more chicken
September 22nd midday?

Boys, will you
excuse us please?

Your father and I need
to have a little talk.

[ Ryan ]
Dad, you're busted.

Yeah, I know.

What are you doing?

Do we have anything unleavened?

Yeah, we do.
It's in the back,

next to the frankincense
and myrrh.

We have a fancy name
for it in this century.

It's called pita.

Got it.

Evan, what is happening to you?

Don't-- No.
Just put it down.

Look at you. The hair--
Are you on something?

I-is it a mega-growth
hormone? What?

Evan, talk to me.

I'm building an ark.

What does that mean?

God appeared to me
and told me to build an ark.

He said there was
going to be a flood,

and that I should be prepared.

Whenever I shave, my beard
grows right back out.

My hair grows longer everyday.

This robe,
God sent me the robe.

Thought it would be funny.

I actually think
it's really comfortable.

That's why I'm wearing it.

The beard, the robe...

you're Noah?

Yeah, kind of.

Mom--

Not now, Noah.

Dylan.

Okay.

We left everything behind
to come here.

Maybe that's put too much
pressure on you? I don't know.

But this has got to stop.

Please. You're scaring me.

The boys need
their father back,

and I need my husband back.

[ Sighs ]

♪ [ Rock ]

Yes.

Successful, powerful,
handsome, happy.

Successful, powerful,
handsome, happy.

♪ Clean shirt ♪

♪ New shoes ♪

♪ And I don't know
where and I am going to ♪

Morning.

Cold today, huh?

Hmm?

Oh! Gah!

Back to work?

Okay. All right.

You want me
to wear the robe?
I'll wear the robe.

Here we go.

Huh? Huh?

There we go.

Ha-ha-ha!

Pièce de résistance.

The student has
become the teacher.

[ Gavel Pounds ]

This meeting
will come to order.

Rita, any sign of him?

Marty, I told you I would
let you know as soon--

Okay, you got me. He's here.
We're in the middle
of a yoga class.

No jokes. I'm not kidding.
If he's not in that meeting
we're all out of a job.

Wait, let me finish
my sun salutation.

Marty, sorry I'm late.
Come on. Let's go.

What... is that?

Makin' lemonade out of lemons.

- Pick up your phone.
- Come on.

[ Long ]
At its heart, this bill
gives private citizens...

access to lands they
technically already own.

[ Man ]
Will the chairman yield--

Mom, look,
- there he is.
- Yup. Yup, I see him.

"Access" is just
a word you're using...

to hide what's really
going on here.

This is about development,
short and simple.

Evan, what are you doing?

You have a ponytail
on your face.

What you going to do next?
Cornrow your eyebrows?

Development means
the advancement of jobs.

An increase
in domestic commerce.

If you happen
to like those things,

I invite you to join myself
and my cosponsors,

Congressman Dodd...

Congressman Hughes...

and Congressman Baxter.

[ Crowd Gasping ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Crowd Laughs ]

Did you just do
a wardrobe change?

What do you think this is,
the Oscars?

You are not Whoopi.

[ Gavel Pounds ]

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

Please. Congressman Baxter
has a tendency...

to embrace the theatrical
in his support of this bill.

Congressman,
let me warn you.

You are approximately
ten seconds away,

from committee censure.

Oh, no.

Hey, would anyone mind
if I closed the window?

[ Screams ]

[ Growls ]

[ Growls ]

[ Gavel Pounds ]

[ Long ]
Ladies and gentlemen, please.

These animals are trained.

I've seen this
circus act before.

Congressman, I'm sure
St. Francis would be envious.

We, however, are not.
You have five seconds.

You march yourself
and your little animal troop
out of here now,

or you will be
forcibly removed.

I'm afraid I can't
do that, sir.

Congressman?

These animals
are not trained.

- Congressman!
- I--I think they want me
to save them.

Save them from what,
Congressman?

Savin' the animals.
Okay.

I can roll with that.
That's a good idea.

The flood.

A flood?

Rollin' out.

The flood?

This has been the driest
summer on record,

and you say we're
gonna have a flood.

When might
we expect this?

September 22nd, midday.

That's what I was told.

Might I ask who told you?

Not in front
of all those people.

Don't say it. Don't say it.

God.

God? You talk to God?

Yes.

[ Long ]
And God is talking back?

Yeah. We hung out a little.

Well, time to update
the resume.

Congressman, your name
is being removed
from this bill.

Obviously the stresses
of this office,

have proven
too much for you.

Please have
the congressman removed.

No, please,
you don't understand.

God commanded me
to build an ark.

It's going to rain!
There's going to be a flood!

Remove him now!

We have to prepare ourselves!

I need to finish the ark!

Remove him now!

Does this mean
we're moving back home?

Home. Canada.
One or the other.

Can you feel it?

You're exactly where
you're meant to be right now.

[Engine revs]

Rick: You and me,
we could do anything.

Michonne:
Us against the world.

Welcome to the Theatre
des Vampires.

Rowan: You have no idea
what I'm capable of.

Gray:
My word means something.

Losang:
We need you...

Isabelle: ...to lead
the revival of humanity.

You deserve
a happy ending.

[Growling]

Well, guess this is it, then.

♪

Joan? I know you probably
saw what happened,

but I can explain.

Um, take the stuff
to the car, guys.

I'll be there
in a minute.

Guys?

I'm--I'm gonna take them
to my mother's, Evan.

I think you need help.

Joan, please.
I'm not doing this.

It's not me. It's him.

I went to that meeting
in a suit,

and he took it off of me.

Those animals
are following me
because of him.

God?

Does God know
he's destroying our lives?

Does God know
he's gonna get you fired?

Yeah, he's trying
to get me fired.

He is trying to get me fired.

That way I'll have more
time to work on the ark.

Because the rain
and the floods are coming.

No, I heard you, Evan.
The whole world heard you.

Joan, please,
you've gotta believe me.

There it is! It's happening.

It's happening!
It's raining!

Bye, Evan.

Joan...

I know.

I know,
whatever you do,

you do because you love me.

Do me a favor.

Love me less.

Congressman, Congressman.

Are you concerned at all about
Congressman Baxter's tirade,

and the adverse effects
it may have on your bill?

The day it rains and floods
and Congressman Baxter takes
a ride on his ark,

that'll be the day
I'll be concerned.
Thank you.

♪ Me and all my friends ♪

♪ We're all misunderstood ♪

[ Male Reporter ]
His name is Evan Baxter,

but now he goes by
"New York's Noah,"

"Heaven's Evan,"

"The weirdo with a beardo."

Okay, guys, watch it.

Watch it. Comin' through.

Watch your back.

Marty, can you comment
on Congressman Baxter's
change of appearance?

Yes, his hair is long,
yes, his beard is unshaven.

Are you equally stunned
by this man's appearance?

The way things go
around here,

if he gets any crazier,

we may end up
in the White House.

[ Reporter Speaking Spanish ]

...Evan Baxter...

un poquito loco.

Hey, no, no, no, no, no!
No, that's my-- God.

Whatever.

♪ I'm still waitin' ♪

♪ Waitin' on the world
to change ♪

♪ One day our generation ♪

♪ Is gonna rule the
population ♪

♪ So we keep on waitin' ♪

♪ Waitin' on the world
to change ♪

♪ So we keep on waitin' ♪

♪ Waitin' on the world
to change ♪

He's filling the boat
with two of every kind
of animal.

Still to be collected,

two giraffes, two elephants,

and one more jackass.

- What an idiot.
- Oh, he's a mook.

Jerks.

Don't worry about it,
you guys.

Come on, eat up.

- I'm not hungry.
- Yeah, me neither.

You guys can't eat,
I can't stop.

Can I go
to the bathroom?

Me too?

Okay, Dylan,
go with them. Please.

Fine.

Oh, excuse me,
can I get a refill please?

Coming right up.

Thank you.

Excuse me, are you--
are you all right?

Yeah.

No.

It's a long story.

Well, I like stories.

I'm considered a bit
of a storyteller myself.

My husband--

have you heard
of New York's Noah?

The guy who's building
the ark.

- That's him.
- I love that story.

Noah and the ark?
You know, a lot of people
miss the point of that story.

They think it's about
God's wrath and anger.

They love it
when God gets angry.

What is the story
about then, the ark?

Well, I think
it's a love story...

about believing
in each other.

You know, the animals
- showed up in pairs.
- Mm-hmm.

They stood by each other.
Side by side.

Just like Noah
and his family.

Everybody entered
the ark side by side.

But my husband says
God told him to do it.

W-what do you do with that?

Sounds like an opportunity.

Let me ask you something.

If someone prays for patience,

you think God
gives them patience?

Or does he give them
the opportunity to be patient?

If they prayed for courage,
does God give them courage,

or does he give them
opportunities to be courageous?

If someone prayed
for their family to be closer,

you think God zaps them
with warm, fuzzy feelings?

Or does he give them
opportunities
to love each other?

Well, I gotta run.
Lot of people to serve.

Enjoy.

Guess this comes
as no surprise,

to those who remember
his campaign promise--

"I will lower taxes,

go crazy, and build
a gigantic ark."

[ Joan ]
Oh, my gosh.

Evan?

Dad?

Honey?

Dad?

You guys,
I'm up here.

[ Snickers ]
Rough week?

[ Jordan ]
You look really funny.

You look really old.

Yeah, well,
he is really old.

Why'd you come back?

It was the kids.
Tell 'em, guys.

We like you better
as the crazy guy.

You spend time with us,
and you're home a lot more.

Just please don't make us
do the dance anymore.

I don't know
what's going on.

Or what you're going through.

But we got into this
as a family,

and we're gonna
get out of it as a family.

Side by side.

But, Evan, we have
to talk about the ark.

It has to come down.

I can't do that.

You don't have a choice.

Congressman Long
went to the city.

There's a laundry list
of code violations.

You have until September 22nd
to take it down,

or they'll take it down
and arrest you.

September 22nd?
That's the day of the flood.

Mom, Dad, come here!

Don't you dare
take that ark down.

How? How are we
gonna do this?

There's no way
the five of us
can finish on time.

We don't have money
to hire anybody else.

[ Bleats ]

Is that a llama
- with a hammer?
- An alpaca.

They rarely spit at people
unless frightened or abused.

Let's finish this sucker.

♪ [ Rock ]

♪ I'm ready for a miracle ♪

Come on, let's go.

[ Female Reporter ]
No one knows
where they came from,

or how the congressman
is getting them to do it,
but, two by two,

animals of all kinds
are working with Godspeed,

to build this ark.

Thank you.

If this flood
really does happen,

Evan help us.

Hey, little help?

[ Caws ]

Thanks.

Here it is, hon.

Perfect. Thanks.

Hold it right there.

This is Ed Carson
coming to you live,

from New York Noah's
construction site,

where we are unable
to leave the news van,

due to hazardous
conditions outside.

[ Growling ]

What's up?

High-five.

What's up?

Hey, puddy tat.

Oh...

Aah!

Go! Go! Go!

He tried to eat me!

Dylan, Jordan, check it out.

Your mom's building an ark.

Whoo!
Let's do the dance.

Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm,
mmm, mmm, mmm.

[ Crowd ]
Well, where did the animals
come from, then?

Please, it's a trick.

It's a circus,
is what it is.

[ Carson ]
Wild animals running amok
in suburban Virginia.

With all these species,

what's being done
about the feces?

Evan Baxter, you have
gone from newsman,

to congressman to caveman.

What makes you
so sure God chose you?

He chose all of us.

Time to wash up, you guys.

Thanks.

Want some?

[ All Swallowing ]

[ Rita ]
Why couldn't the man
just buy a Corvette?

Well, well, well,
there they are.

It is good to see you guys.

It's good to see you.

Your hair looks great.
It's very regal.

Man, I love your hair!

And you're still
suckin' up.

- So, why are you here?
- Long locked us out.

He can't do that.
I mean, I've been suspended,

but I'm still a congressman.

Rita, tell him
- what you know.
- Tell me what?

I smelled a rat the second
we got that office.

You don't get a office
like that for nothin',

so, I had the stalker
here do some research.

Okay, Eugene, talk.

[ Eugene ]
Prestige Crest
used to be federal lands,

but what's interesting
is how it got
into private hands.

Congressman Long
got the approval
to build a dam,

and then passed out
the surrounding lands to
a group of private investors.

Now, the locals fought
this thing for years.

They said Long
and his developer buddies
were cutting corners,

like skipping important
building code check points.

And with the land use bill,

he's gonna do the same thing
with the national parks.

Yeah, you stand by and shake
your pom-poms while Long
and his buddies get rich.

What can we do?
I'm suspended.

Go back to the hill,
and show them that you can
and will fight this bill.

I'm sorry, I can't do that.
- I have to get back to the ark.
- The ark?

All right, okay, God told
- you to build an ark.
- Yes.

But did he say
to make your friends
believe in you,

and follow you,
so you could make us
look stupid?

'Cause I go to church
every Sunday.

Okay, every other Sunday.

I've been to church,

and that does not
sound like God to me.

Rita, I know that this
doesn't make any sense.

I just want you to trust me.
You just have to have faith.

Evan, faith will not
fight this bill.

The CINPLAN vote is today.

If we're gonna
stop this thing,

you need to get down
to Capitol Hill now.

Otherwise it's impossible.

Dad. Dad.
I think it's done.

What in the w--

I can't even get my cat
to use the litter box.

Jesse: Do you still want me
to come for Christmas?

You're family.

The name's David. I fall under
the title of nephew.

Man, Liz, if you were
two years younger,

we'd have to try not
to get pregnant.

[ Laughter ]

♪ Merry Christmas,
merry Christmas ♪

♪

It's September 22nd,
and we're all still here.

Awkward.

People, the flood is imminent.

Board the ark.

Save yourselves.

Get down, you fool.

Listen to me.
The time has come.

No, Captain Ahab.

Your time has come.

Yeah, Baxter.
The weather's 70 and sunny.

With a chance of crazy.

[ Distant Rumbling ]

Do you hear that?
The rains are upon us.

Dad, I don't think
that's the rains.

[ Siren Wails ]

[ Man ]
Hey, Baxter,
kiss your ark good-bye!

Where is he?

He's on the boat, sir.

Give me a minute.

Let's see if I can
convince Noah...

that the world doesn't
have to end today.

I gotta hand it to you.
This is quite the show.

According to my source,

the show hasn't
even started yet.

Still expecting
the big flood.

You know, voters don't respond
to the gloom-and-doom stuff.

- They like a positive message.
- Like the one you're
sending with your bill?

How much did you make
off all this land?

You are destroying
our national parks
for profit.

You have a problem
with somebody taking
a little profit?

It's called business, son.
So if I need to get...

a message out there,
or get a congressman elected,

there are people who pay for it,

and, yes, those people
want this bill to happen,

and by God it's gonna happen.

Now, you look down there.

Those are the wolves, son.

I'm gonna give you
one last chance.

Take down this boat.

I'm giving you
one last chance.

Repent.

Such a shame.

You had possibilities.

But you want to stop
progress to save the Earth,
go for it.

Good luck getting a tree
to come to the polls.

Take it down.

[ Sirens Wail ]

This is a court order
approving the demolition
of this boat.

Evacuate immediately.
You have three minutes.

Honey, we have to go.

They're gonna
destroy the boat.

No. It can't end this way.

Is it too much to ask
for a little precipitation?

Honey, maybe God didn't
mean a literal flood.

Maybe he meant a flood...

of knowledge or emotion
or awareness.

If that's true,

I am going to be so pissed.

Two minutes.
Get off the boat now,

or you will be
removed by force.

Evan, you did it.
You built the ark.

That's all you were
asked to do, right?

No.
There's something else.

Something's going to happen.
I can feel it.

Yeah, what's going
to happen is tear gas
and a wrecking ball.

Evan,
think of the kids.

One minute.

Dad, whatever you say,
I'm with you.

Yeah, me too.

Me too, but can we keep
some of the animals?

I like the alpaca.
He spits.

You're right. We did it.

We built the boat.

Yeah.

Let's go.
Let's go, guys. Come on.

Well, I guess
they don't wanna go.

It's their instinct.

What do you mean, hon?

Some animals know
when weather's coming.

When they feel it coming
they sit.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Joan!

Okay, time's up.
We're coming in.

Get that ball in position.
We're clearing 'em out.

[ Thunder Crackles ]

[ Man ]
Yeah, I know it's raining.

Is that rain?

It's rainin'.

Lucky guess, Baxter.
Lucky guess.

Looks like the drought's
finally over.

Good news eh, Congressman?

Yeah. Good news.

Everybody, please!

Get on the ark!

[ Man ]
I'm going home.

Please, everyone, on the ark!

Cover me up. Keep me dry.

Cover me up. Keep me dry.

Who's crazy now, huh?

Look at you all squishy.

[ Bird Chirps ]

It kinda
stopped raining.

Is that it?

What'd I tell ya?
We're fine. It's over.

Hey, Ahab, this is it?

Your God experiencing
a little water shortage?

It would appear
Evan Baxter was
right about the rain,

with a slight miscalculation
as to the quantity.

Something's wrong.

Well, honey, the clouds
are moving away.

No, no.
No, this isn't right.

Evan, even if it kept raining,

it's not like it could
cause a flood in a day.

But today is the day.

It has to be.

This just doesn't
make any sense.

Wait a second.

What? What is it?

Marty said
that Long cut corners,

violated building codes.

- What are you talking about?
- The lake.

Long Lake.

It's named after him.
It's the lake!

It's the lake!

Oh, no.

Get on the ark!

Everyone, on the ark now!

I think we should
get on the ark.

I agree. I think we should
get on the ark, also.

I'm cold, I'm wet,
I'm going home.

Ladies first! Move!

Oh, my God,
this is happening.

This is really happening.

Oh, my-- Get everyone
on the ark, now!

Get on the ark now!
Let's go!

Get on the ark!
Let's go, go, go, go, go!

[ Girlish Scream ]

Go! Go! Go!

On the ark! Let's go, go, go!

We're gonna need
a bigger boat.

Stay here with the kids.

Ow!

Come on, hurry up.

Everyone,
up the ramp.

- Onto the deck.
- Come on!

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Dylan, get back inside.

It's too dangerous.

No, Dad. I told you.
I'm with you.

[ Evan ]
Careful, everyone.
In the ark, in the ark!

Watch your step!
Up the ramp, everybody!

Good, good, good.
Guys, help me with the door.

Get the door!

Guys, guys!

Everybody, hang on!

[ Crowd Screams ]

You guys all right?
You okay?

There's been a flood
at Prestige Crest,

and you're seeing live images
of New York Noah's ark,

and heading towards
Memorial Bridge.

[ Woman ]
We're gonna crash!

[ Man ]
Turn this thing around!

We're not gonna make that!

[ Man ]
Save us, Baxter!

I command thee, halt!

Stop! Whoa!

[ Woman ]
It's not working!

How 'bout a little help here?

Go! Go! Go!

What do you mean
there was water damage?
It rained for ten minutes.

That is not possible--

Aah!

- I love you guys.
- All right.

- Seriously.
- Okay, I got it.

- I love you.
- Thank you.

All those in favor
of the Public Land Act,

please signify by saying "I."

Good God.

[ Elephant Trumpets ]

I think we can walk from here.

[ Sirens Wail ]

Hello, Congressman.

Mind if I park my boat here
for a little while?

- But how?
- The dam, Congressman.

Your reservoir ruptured.

Prestige Crest,
it's all gone.

No, they said
that couldn't happen.

I never thought this--

You. You did this to me.

You set me up,
you crazy son of a--

Wow, that is disgusting.

That comes out your front,

I don't even wanna know
what's comin' out the back.

Don't look now, Congressman,
but the wolves are here.

Although I wouldn't worry
so much about these wolves...

as those.

[ Wolves Growl ]

Gesundheit.

[ Roars ]

[ Carson ]
As you can see behind me,

New York Noah's
prediction came true.

[ Female Reporter ]
The vote of the Land Act bill
has been suspended,

pending an investigation
of Congressman Long
for profiteering.

[ Carson ]
Of course,
now the question is,

how will these
animals be returned
to their natural habitats?

Something tells me
if God got 'em here,

he can probably
get them home.

[ Female Reporter ]
The House will undoubtedly
reinstate Congressman Baxter,

when it reconvenes
in the morning.

Until then,
there is a lot to be done
here on Capitol Hill.

[ Jordan ]
How's Buster doin'?

[ Evan ]
Come on, Buster.[ Buster, Barking ]

[ Joan ]
Nope, come on.

[ Evan ]
This too heavy?
It's all right?

It's fine.

I know, sweetie.

All right.

What do you say
we take a little break?

We've only been
walking for, like,
five minutes, Dad.

Well, five on, five off.
Life is about balance, right?

How about some sandwiches?

- Okay.
- Who wants sandwiches?

- I do!
- Let's do it.

Everyone but Buster
is going to get a sandwich.

You do not get a sandwich.

You're a dog, and you
do not get a sandwich.

Buster is part
of the family now.

You're just gonna have
to get used to it.

Poor Buster!

Honey, come here.

Sweetheart, be careful.
Come here--

Hey, hon, save me
one of those, okay?

- Okay.
- I'll be right back.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What are you doing here?

Just hanging out
with some old friends.

You knew all along,
didn't you?

You knew the dam
was unstable.

If it hadn't been for the ark,
my family, the neighbors...

I fought you
every step of the way.

Yes, but you did it.

So you had nothing
to do with the flood?

Like, where the ark
landed exactly?

So I gave you a little
shove at the end.

Sue me.

You did good, son.

You changed the world.

- No. No, I didn't.
- Well, let's see.

Spending time with your family,

making them very happy,

gave that dog a home.

Right, so?

So? How do we
change the world?

One act of random
kindness at a time.

One act...

of random kindness.

Wow.

It's time.

Do the dance.

Care to join me?

[ Both Chuckle ]

[ Cooing ]

♪ EVERYBODY DANCE NOW

♪ GIVE ME THE MUSIC

♪ EVERYBODY DANCE NOW

♪ EVERYBODY DANCE NOW

♪ EVERYBODY DANCE NOW

♪ LET THE MUSIC TAKE CONTROL

♪ LET THE RHYTHM MOVE YOU

♪ SWEAT