All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s36e16.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab-hi

♪ ♪

[bell rings]

[burps]

[horn whistles]

[tires screech]

D'oh!

[grunts]

Huh? [grunting]

Whoo-hoo!

♪ ♪

- Shotgun!
- Shotgun!

- I said it first.
- I said it first.

What are you, coping me now?

[nasal voice] What are you,
coping me now? Nyah.

I can't listen
to this stupid fight anymore.

Lisa, you sit in the front.

[chortles]

[growls]

Happy start of the school week,
everyone.

Happy start
of the school week, everyone.

You're still mad

- about yesterday?
- You're still mad about yesterday?

- Seriously.
- Seriously.

- How long is this gonna go on?
- How long is this gonna go on?

Don't you think this is a little

- beneath the "Prank King"?
- Don't you think this is

a little beneath
the "Prank King"?

He's not doing this
to everyone, is he?

Oh, thank God.

- I know how to deal with this.
- I know how to deal with this.

- I love Lisa so much.
- I love Lisa so much.

- I wish I was Lisa.
- I wish I was Lisa.

- Hmm, I thought that would work.
- Hmm, I thought that would work.

Bart commits to the bit.
Always has.

The novel has two equally

- important protagonists...
- The novel has two equally

important protagonists.

- ...Mouse and Motorcycle.
- Mouse and Motorcycle.

Grilled vegetables,

and you ordered the same thing
just after she did.

[forlorn groan]

- E-B-Z.
- E-B-Z.

- T-O-O-V.
- T-O-O-V.

♪ ♪

What's up, food fighters?
I'm Thad Parkour.

Today on Dude vs. Food,

I'm going to war with ten
buckets of fried chicken skin

served on top of a smash burger

the size of a laser disk.

Give them hell, Thad.

- Dad!
- Yes...?

Bart's using the bathroom
and he doesn't wash his hands,

so I've got 20 seconds tops.

Make him stop copying me.

Please, it's been a month!

That is a huge percentage
of my short life.

Not now, honey.

Daddy's watching his latest
favorite show of all time.

We can talk about jazz later.

Dad, please, he won't stop!

Dad, please, he won't stop!

- Ah!
- Ah!

[Lisa]
Okay, I just have to accept

that this is my new reality.

[Bart]
That this is my new reality.

[Lisa]
And if that's the case,

then I'm gonna make
something good come out of it.

[speaks Mandarin, Bart repeats]

What do we want?

- What do we want?
- [crowd] Ban touch tanks!

When do we want it?

- [crowd] Now!
- When do we want it?

[playing
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"]

That is terrific progress.

That is terrific progress!

"I'm Bart Simpson,
and this is how I feel."

I'm Bart Simpson, and this is
how I feel.

"I have spent

- "the last six months...
- I have spent the last six months

-"repeating every word said
-repeating every word said

- "by my sister, Lisa Simpson.
- by my sister, Lisa Simpson.

- "We entered as adversaries...
- We entered as adversaries...

"and through
some strange magic...

...and through some
strange magic...

- "we have emerged as friends.
- we have emerged as friends.

"I set out to break

- "my sister's spirit...
- I set out to break my sister's spirit...

"but wound up giving her

- "a priceless gift.
- ...but wound up giving her

a priceless gift.

-"The knowledge that her brother
-The knowledge that her brother

- "will always be by her side.
- will always be by her side.

-"And so she will always feel
-And so she will always feel

- "loved and protected.
- loved and protected.

"I am the best big brother

a girl could ever ask for."

Aren't you gonna repeat
that last part?

I don't think I can.

Does that mean it's over?

Because I'm, I'm-I'm not sure
I want it to be.

- [speaks Mandarin] Bart.
- I love you, too.

Hugging?

Did you teach them that?

I guess I must have.

That was so beautiful.

I'm gonna go call my sisters

and tell them how much
they mean to me.

And there's a very special man
I need to say some things, too,

while I still can.

I love you, Thad!

[Thad] Today it's me versus
the spiciest ramen

in a city known
for its fiery Asian flavors,

Des Moines, Iowa.

[cheering]

I find this performative
gluttony offensive.

Yeah, there are hungry
supermodels in this world

who would kill for a bowl
of painfully spicy ramen.

[slurping]

[groaning]

[screams]

That's what I want

my relationship with soup
to be like.

What up, Food Duders?

That's his name for me
and people like me!

The Dude vs. Food pig-rig is
coming to Springfield!

Oink-oink!

Coming here? [screams]

I'll be unhinging my jaw
donkey-style

at Luigi's Italian restaurant.

I've been there once.

Where I'm going up against
a 17-pound meatball.

Mano a ball.

I'll see you there October 10!

I finally have a reason
to live till October 10.

We asked:
"Could-a we make it?"

We never asked
"Should-a we make it?"

- Yeah.
- [Homer chuckling]

[producer]
Are you Thad bods

ready to meet the man who eats
food for breakfast?

[lusty cheering]

Put your greasy hands
together for...

Thad Parkour!

[upbeat techno music playing]

[screaming]

[groaning]

He looks like Luann's uncle
when the neighbors found him.

Let's chew this thing.

Oink-oink.

[thuds]

Yeah, that's a wrap on Thad.

After 400 episodes, shot over
the course of two months,

he's finally full.

Series over.
Strike the meatball.

Come on, Thad,
eat too much of something

so we know you're okay.

Sorry, man.
Looks like this time, food...

beat dude.

[groans]

No...!

If no one's eating that,
I'll take it.

...o!

My car's out front.

Just squish it into the trunk.
Awesome.

[wailing]

I don't get it, Thad.

Just last episode,
you were a healthy young man

drinking 20 gallons of ranch
dressing to win a T-shirt.

I'm sorry, brother.

I really hate
letting my fans down,

but I died three times
in the ambulance.

I don't think
that's good for you.

Doc, you got to fix him.

Where's he's indomitable spirit?

His can-chew attitude?

"Can-chew attitude:
critically low."

Damn! He's as good as dead.

[Homer]
Wait.

There's one more thing
we can try.

Thad, if you've ever
put your faith

in a relationship
with an obsessive superfan,

let it be
in the imaginary friendship

I think I have with you.

You definitely scare me
a little,

but... okay.

What is this place?

Just breathe.

[inhales deeply]
Incredible.

Wh-what's happening?

This is my secret
smelling place.

From here you can smell

every meal being cooked
in Springfield,

from windowsill pies

to dishwasher-poached salmon.

But how is this possible?

Who knows?
But if I had to guess...

Warm moist air
coming off the ocean meets

cold breezes descending
from the mountains.

Springfield's unique topography,

a remnant of glaciation
during the last ice age,

produces varying degrees
of albedo,

a unique system of high-
and low-pressure zones,

which shunt odor-rich air
from kitchens around the town

into this natural amphitheater.

But again, that's just a guess.

[inhales]

Oh!

Every individual smell
is distinct

and takes me back
to a specific time and place.

[sniffing]

Oh, pepperoni pizza.

[sniffs]

Braised bok choy.

[sniffs]

Ribeye steak.

[woman exhales sharply]

Oh! This is a miracle.

Food is a miracle!

I think I love food again.

I knew this place would fix you.

[sniffing]
Wait, I'm getting a scent

I've never encountered.

Homer. [sniffing]

Oh, man, we got
to find the source.

And I'll play phone games.

♪ ♪

[sniffing]

[doorbell rings]

I could swear I've seen
this house before.

But blindfolded,
from the trunk of a car...

Gentlemen.

[shrieks] Hi!

What a pleasant surprise...

that you made it past
my bodyguards!

Sorry, boss. I thought
I had a pebble in my shoe.

Turns out there's
this embroidery on my sock.

Let's go, Thad.
The man with the goons is busy.

- [high-pitched] Bye!
- What are you cooking in there?

I have to know.

[inhaling]

Wow, this stew smells amazing.

This recipe is all I have left
of a great man.

Sit and I'll tell you
the whole sad story.

Not because
it's any of your business,

but because
this pot needs to simmer

for the length
of one whole sad story.

When I was a child,
there existed an uneasy peace

between Springfield's
two most powerful families.

The Italian, uh,
"Thing of Ours,"

and the Prussian mob.

To maintain the peace,

each boss would send
his youngest son

to live with the other family,
as collateral.

It was a ceremony
steeped in tradition.

♪ Flip-flop, clippety-clop ♪

♪ I declare a son swap. ♪

[Fat Tony]
My surrogate father's name was

Wilhelm Von Wonthelm.

It was rumored that he had never
in his life smiled.

And I believed it.

Wilhelm conducted
the mob's business

from the kitchen
of his restaurant.

He had a deep love for the grim,

humorless flavors
of German cuisine,

a passion that was not shared

by his eldest son and heir,

Maximillian.

[German accent]
Where are you going?

We need that blood sausage
for the dessert.

No can do, Pops.

My band has a gig tonight.

[Fat Tony] Max had fallen prey
to the scourge

that was destroying
America's youth:

the ska revival.

[ska music playing]

You are needed here, my son.

Not out all night tromboning

to a calypso-flavored fusion
of jazz and punk rock.

[sighs heavily]

You chop like a Belgian.

But with ceaseless repetition
and unyielding criticism,

you will learn.

You schnitzel well.
You are a sh-natural.

[Fat Tony]
And then it happened.

The old man smiled at me.

Maximillian,

put down that brassentooter.

Tonight, I need you
here with me.

Why don't you ask
your new son to help you?

[Fat Tony]
This was the night

Wilhelm was to pass his
greatest secret on to his son.

The recipe for gewalteintopf: "Stew of Violence."

A centuries-old dish served only

at the initiation of new members

into the Prussian mob.

For his son to reject
this sacred honor

was a stab to Wilhelm's heart.

Ska is no future!

How much was your band
paid to perform

at the grand opening
of the Continental Tire store?

- $50.
- But there are 17 of you.

And several who do nothing
but dance around.

This recipe is at the center
of everything we believe.

Please, let me
pass it on to you.

♪ ♪

[sobbing]

[Fat Tony] This man had survived
car bombings, bullets

and the shame of adult braces.

But not this.

[gasps, groans]

[panting]

This recipe belongs with someone

who respects tradition.

Protect it with your life.

And never share it with my son.

Promise me...

I never realized how gross it is
under the oven.

[exhales]

Maximillian took
his father's place

as head of the Prussian mob.

He rules with an iron fist
while still dropping

poorly-received ska albums
on SoundCloud.

But I kept my promise
to his father

and never gave Maximillian
the recipe.

Now, if you will
turn your backs,

I must consult the recipe

for the final
secret ingredients.

You may turn back around.

[delighted groans]

[garbled] Oh, it's so good
I never want to swallow.

[garbled]
Oh! Me neither.

Let's stay like this forever.

Okay.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

Everyone, shut up!

Thad has a new show
and the trailer's about to drop.

I said, "Shut up!"

Shut up!

Shh.

I'm Thad Parkour,
and I'm a thief.

Snitches get dishes
on my new Chew Network show

Kitchen Betrayals.

Watch me steal secret recipes

from unsuspecting chumps

and reveal them to the world.

On the series premiere,
I'll show you the murder stew

that certified killers
don't want you to know about.

- [shrieks] Stew!
- What's wrong?

Everything's fine.

Take the baby and go
to Flander's panic room.

Damn it, Thad!

If Fat Tomy sees this,
his gonna come to my house

- and he's gonna...
- [doorbell rings]

- [shrieks]
- [Marge] Homie, Homie, open up.

- I've got groceries.
- Phew!

Look who dropped by.
A very worked-up Fat Tony.

Hello, Homer.

I was just meeting
your charming widow.

[chuckles]
I'm not that charming.

Thanks to that idiot
putting the recipe on TV,

the Prussians are
on their way to kill me.

But I had a thought:

you first.

Please, Fat Tony,
we've been through so much.

You can't kill me
over a stolen recipe.

[yells]

[garbled groan]

[phone chimes]

"Hey, Fat Tony. Homer here.

"You just threw me
off a bridge. LOL.

If you pull me up,
I can save both our lives."

Explain first.

Then I pull you up.

"Pull me up first.
Scary turtle down here.

"Also, running low on oxygen.

Crying-laughing emoji."

- [thuds]
- [panting]

If that TV show airs,
the Prussians are gonna find out

that you had
the recipe all along

and they're going to kill you.

But I can sneak us onto
the Chew Network lot,

and together
we can stop that show.

How?

I'm a deranged fan.

All I do is think of ways
to sneak onto the lot.

Okay. Let's hurry before
the Prussians catch on.

[tires screech]

Two Thad Parkour
look-alikes here

for the Clam Chowder
Chug-a-thon.

Eh. Sounds like
something we'd do.

♪ ♪

Fat Tony, please,
you don't want to do this, man.

How did you steal my recipe?

I took every precaution.

I made you turn around.

Wait a minute.

Your supercool backwards
sunglasses recorded everything!

You broke my heart,
Thad's sunglasses.

It's the Prussians! Run!

[Homer yelling, panting]

[ska music playing]

[playing disjointedly]

[yelps]

It would seem Maximillian is

trying to process
some big feelings.

His last memory of his father
is a bitter one.

His last memory?

I know what to do.
Give me the wheel!

- You, go under.
- No, you go under.

- Your foot's in my gabagool.
- That's not my foot.

That's not my gabagool.

Are you sure? It feels like one.

[ska music playing]

What the hell just happened?

[tires screech]

Where the fuggedaboutit are we?

Just trust me.

Wasn't enough just taking
my father's love from me,

you had to steal
his recipe, too?

Uh, before you shoot,

just take a deep breath
through your nose.

There is nothing I could smell
that could save your...

[inhales deeply]

[Homer]
Because of what Fat Tony did,

people all over this town

are honoring
your father's memory

by making his most beloved dish.

Gewalteintopf...

Eat. There is no cold
in the world

that can stand up
to Papa's special stew.

Oh, yum. What's in it?

That is a precious secret that
one day I will share with you.

For now, just eat.

And know that your father
loves you very much.

Now, let's see what adventures

brave Colonel Klink is having

with that buffoon Hogan
and his unruly friends.

Father did love me.

And now that the world has
his recipe,

your father will never
truly be gone.

Friedrich, put down the sax.

[gasps]

[sighs]

[Homer yelps]

Thank you, Maximillian.

Oh, and how's
my youngest son doing?

Really good.
He's super into mask-making.

- How's mine?
- We're zeroing in on his allergies.

His eyes stopped watering,

and we're slowly
adding things back in.

Kitchen Betrayals is a hit!

Now I can make other shows
where I travel the globe

exploring local food scenes
and fascinating cultures.

And, Homer, my friend,
I want you,

the man who saved me,
to join me on this journey.

I've heard the rest of the world
has slightly different toilets,

and I'm scared of that.

Everything I need is right here.

But, Homer, I mean,
this is growth for me.

Can't you respect my decision?

No.

[Thad groans]

Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

Professor Lisa,
we've established contact

with the alien ship.

As our lead astrophysicist,

you have the honor of conveying
humanity's first words

to extraterrestrial life.

Visitors from another world...

Visitors from another world!

- Not now.
- Not now.

- Can you just...
- Can you just

- This is really important.
- This is really important.

- God, you're annoying!
- God, you're annoying!

- Get the hell out of here.
- Get the hell out of here.

- I hate you!
- I hate you!

- Everyone hates you!
- Everyone hates you!

[Lisa and Bart groaning]

- I'll kill you!
- I'll kill you!

Apparently, this species

has a war-like nature.

Commence obliteration.

- [Lisa] Your fault.
- [Bart] Your fault.

Shh!