Original subtitles

Twisted Wood of Shantung, Blind Pine of Shansi

Big Eye Rooster of Shensi, Double Blade of Hunan

and Old Man Chai of Peking,

They all buy their guns through me.

Everyone from the five great lakes to the seven seas

are all my brothers.

Then how about Old Man Fok of Quin Ming?

Oh, we've been to hell and back together many times!

But my grandfather has retired for over 20 years!

You're granddaughter of Old Man Fok? You should've said so earlier!

I'll give you all my shipments from now on.

I'm going to make you rich!

I'm not greedy. We'll talk after we're through with this collection.

Baldy!

I know him really well. I saw him go from hairy to baldy.

He's coming!

All my good brothers, here I come again.

Old Four, looks like you've put on a few...

Pimple Face, you're looking good...

Monkey Head, I heard you had

a one on one with One Eye Ying and was hurt in the line of duty...

Are you ok now? I'm fine now.

Brother Wang!

Brother Wang. How have you been?

It's been a while.

It has really been too long.

It's a great pleasure to see you again.

Are these your goods?

Yes! Whatever Brother Wang want,

even if I had to go to hell to get it, I would deliver.

My dear brothers, this is no ordinary gun!

It was because of this weapon

that the Japanese were able to establish Manchuria.

With this weapon in your hands, you'll be able to take over the region.

One Eye Ying will have to beg for his life!

Just cut the crap! Give it a try...

Of course!

Don't underestimate its power because of its small size.

Within one hundred feet, this weapon is deadly!

Watch out! It's LOUD!

Come on, let me try.

What are you laughing at?

I'm no good at this!

I'll show you.

Pull this open, insert the bullet, close and lock it.

It's that easy.

One Eye Ying is history!

Please don't misunderstand. I don't want to avenge his death.

But now that you've killed him.

Who's going to pay me the money he owes me?

Naturally, you'll collect from me!

Fine. That will be twenty gold coins.

There are over a hundred gold coins in here.

Come and get it!

Don't say I didn't ask nicely first!

I want her dead!

Are you going to pay me now?

Youda...

Fuck you!

Okay. So you know I'm 001, now what?

You should have done so earlier.

Now we're even.

Get her!

Damn you, bitch!

You bitch!

Fuck you and your ancestors!!

Bye!

"Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity"

The Japanese are nothing but trouble.

Crazy!

Where's the Chinese guy? He's gone.

Thank you. Bye.

My Lord.

Turn around! Quickly turn around now!

Why?

Do I have to explain my orders to you?

Now count from one to five hundred. Count!

One... Two... Three...

Man, do you want to get me into trouble?

Coming here like this, you'll blow my cover!

That's why I came. My identity has been exposed.

You can use a dog to test the poisonous gas...

Just calm down.

The Japanese don't know we're working together yet.

That's better.

Don't you have a meeting with Toga?

Shit! I almost forgot.

Can you stall another couple of days? Again?

Please do me just one more favor.

I've already arranged for a plane to fly you out.

I've heard that one before.

I have yet to see even a fly!

And don't you try to eavesdrop on our meeting!

Ninety two... Ninety three... Ninety four...

Everybody is here today! What is the meeting about?

About your working with Imperial Japan

in developing the city of Puttan Kaal.

Have you made a decision?

I am still thinking about it.

My Lord,

I thought we had decided to cooperate with Imperial Japan.

Did we?

Now that you mention it...

Yes.

We had already outlined our development plans last time.

We will start with building a chemical plant here.

Are you referring to a poisonous gas plant?

Yes.

If you do not have any problems,

we will commence delivery of raw materials immediately.

Do we need to be in such a rush?

Don't worry, My Lord.

We have already talked about it. There will be no problems.

In that case, all raw materials

will be shipped in four days.

Brother, don't mess with me now!

Speak now or I'll chop your hand off!

Grandpa, are you all right?

I'm fine.

What is this all about, Grandpa?

Brother Lung, I told you there's no need for a test.

Now you believe how good my granddaughter really is!

Not bad at all.

Come and say hello to Uncle Lung.

Brother Lung is a pillar of our country and a hero of our people.

Although I do look a little like a Mafia boss.

We were not just kidding with you.

That's right. The matter concerns our entire country and people.

This here is Puttan.

Inside is a city named Kaal.

The head of the city is a man named Youda.

He said he has information on the Japanese for us.

But he's scared to death of them.

He would not give us the information until

What? I'm as good as dead!

Ming, we're only doing this for our country.

Please don't be upset with us.

I should be upset.

You've turned something so simple into such a complicated matter!

All you had to do was ask!

When do you want me to leave?

Tomorrow morning.

That's right. Then you get to the city of Kaal,

first meet up with our secret agent 001.

How do I find him when I've never met him?

That's no problem.

Just remember this watch.

All right.

Let the pigeon go. Yes.

Pigeon, pigeon, What were you doing with a watch?

Bye!

Reporting there is a Chinese enemy plane.

Shoot it down immediately. Yes!

Have you seen him?

Have you seen this guy?

Have you seen him? Have you?

Have you? Have you?

Asshole! I'll bet you with all I've got!

No problem! Come on.

Yours is just a tad heavier.

Thousand Miles Eyes.

This? Magical Torch.

And the newest toy in America... the yo yo.

Now's about right.

Come on.

There is lead!

Use another one.

Use this one! No problem.

Youda... Youda... Youda...

I'll go get it back.

Why are you taking everything with you to pick up the dice?

I don't trust you.

Stay where you are. I'll be right back.

Who are you?

You have the wrong guy!

People sometimes do look alike, don't you think?

Stop!

Who dares to cause trouble in Kaal?

It's those three big lugs over there!

Mind your own business, bitch! Get out of the way!

Come on,

let's fight some more!

You all stay out of this!

Miss, you were wonderful! Thanks for lending a helping hand!

You'd better not cause any trouble again!

First we get cheated of our money, now we get beaten.

It's just not fair!

These people are too unreasonable.

Who said we're unreasonable?

You started the fight here, wasn't that wrong?

This guy cheated our money.

We wanted to teach him a lesson. Was that wrong?

You're right.

We gambled and I won. There's nothing wrong with that!

You're right.

But he cheated!

Then you're wrong.

I played "Numbers" with them.

They threw a "2" and I threw a "6".

I won. Right? Right.

They threw a "5" and I threw a "6".

I won. Right? Right.

They threw a "6" and I threw a "7". I won. Right?

Wrong.

There's no "7" on a dice! You cheated!

Quiet!

Everybody said you're wrong. You must be wrong.

If you're wrong. Then they must be right.

I helped you, then I must be wrong.

Now that's wrong!

If someone did something wrong you helped him change his ways,

was that right? Right.

I cheated. That was doing something wrong.

You helped me. So you were right.

Right! No... Wait, let me think...

You cheated. You were wrong.

I helped you. I was right.

You cheated and hit him. You're wrong.

But I have an idea.

I'm so confused. I don't want to play anymore!

Pal, why don't we have a drink instead?

Have you all heard of the saying "peace is better than war"?

It's a very wise saying!

You think I'll manage to get away this time?

I'll give it a try... Help! Help...

If beating me makes you feel good, then come on!

Hold it, guys!

Secret Agent No.1, I'm here to help you.

Then take care of these guys for me. Okay.

This one right here. Hurry up!

Don't you want this anymore?

Thank you for saving my life back there, lady.

Have something to eat.

Let's not waste time, 001.

What 001?

I'll pay... pay...

We'll go save Youda.

Excuse me. Why do we save Youda?

That's your business.

I got paid. My job is to take Youda away.

Money? There's money in this?

Are you two here to save Youda?

What's it to you?

It's great if you were.

What so great about it?

You are...

I am 001.

I am 003 and he's 004.

We're just disguised as Japanese.

No wonder I've not seen you before.

And I'm even a couple levels higher than you! Our men.

Let's go.

Where to?

Didn't headquarters clue you in?

We're supposed to take all of Youda's jewelry too.

Yes! Of course! Let's go then.

Please.

It's very nearby.

Just around the corner.

We're almost there.

Don't move or I'll blow a hole in you.

Don't move!

You're Japanese! Please don't misunderstand.

I'm not Secret Agent No. 1.

We know.

That's good. I have nothing to do with this. Sayonara.

What do you want? Let's talk about it.

Yeah. Let's talk!

A peaceful family is a happy family, right?

You'll have to come with us. Move!

Thank you. Don't move!

Don't move!

Come back to Headquarters with me. Move it!

No need to chase. Let's go. Come!

Why did you save us?

Because I'm the real Secret Agent No. 1.

I just picked it up!

Where are you taking us now?

To the palace to save Youda.

You two swordsmen go ahead with your heroic deeds.

I just remember something urgent I have to take care of. See you!

Let him go.

If the Japanese reach the palace ahead of us,

the fact that Youda is working with us will be exposed.

It'll be harder to get him out then.

What so hard about it? We'll just have to fight them.

Come on.

Over here.

Thank you for saving my life back there.

You've saved me twice before.

So I still owe you one.

But don't worry, I'll repay you in time.

Now I'm beginning to understand why Headquarters would send a woman!

To undo all your male chauvinistic notions!

We do a test now.

In this can is the result of the collaborating effort between

our Imperial Japan and a friendly neighboring country.

General Toga.

He only went into your supply station to drive his sheep out.

This can of poisonous gas may look small to you,

but it's potent enough to kill ten people.

His whole family only has that one sheep.

It only takes five seconds.

Five seconds?

It's gone!

General, is it really that powerful?

You don't have to take my word. I'll show you.

I'm going to take a bath.

Come on.

No need to be so scared. I'll give you a chance.

If you can hold your breath for five seconds,

then you'll live.

One... Two...

Four...

Damn Japanese!

Save Youda first!

All right. You go look for Youda.

I'll stay here to watch the Japanese.

No problem.

Stay calm. I still owe you a life.

I can't repay you if you are dead.

Congratulations, General. With this poisonous gas,

the Imperial Army is invincible!

Even without the gas,

the Imperial Army is invincible.

We just don't want to waste time on fighting wars.

General... General...

General, there's a Chinese woman here looking for Youda.

Youda is...

Who are you?

From your panicky look, you must be Youda.

Who are you?

I'm a Chinese.

Don't worry. It could be Secret Agent 001.

I'll get the door.

You want to get me killed? Hide!

Why should I hide?

If you don't hide, I'II...

Youda...

Don't be so loud!

Are you dressed now?

Of course! You think this is a free show?

A woman is looking for you.

I know.

How did you know?

Aren't you a woman?

You finally see me as a woman!

we send a plane to fly him out to Canton. So...

Don't fool around!

I think that woman is here to rescue you.

You're so bad. You should have let me know sooner!

How am I going to have enough time to pack now?

I don't know what you're babbling about.

Don't try to fool me now. Last time at the old temple,

I heard you talking to that 001.

You said if I didn't tell my father, You would take me with you!

Well, I didn't blow your cover!

What are you talking about?

You want to go back on your word? I'm telling father now!

Chin-Chin! Chin-Chin!

My Lord, my Lord!

It's Father! What do I do?

What took you so long to come to the door?

I thought you had been kidnapped.

I didn't hear the door. I was bathing.

A woman came into the palace.

I'm worried that she's hiding in here.

I've been bathing all day. I didn't see anyone come in.

For the sake of your safety, I'll have to search the room.

Your daughter is in there!

Spider!

Who are you?

I'm a Chinese.

We don't welcome Chinese in our city!

You don't welcome Chinese? Then I'd better go.

Not so easy!

Youda!

Are you trying to kill me?!

Shit...

Do you want to help me out on this?

Then try to stop your father!

What happen to me after you leave?

All right. I'll see you back at the old temple!

Are you all right?

Father, I'll help you!

Hurry and take Youda out of here.

I'll help you stall Father.

All right.

Assassin! Assassin! Get out of my way!

Kick me! Kick me!

Let's go.

Hurry up!

In here, woman!

I'm just a drifter.

I have nothing to do with this.

Why did China send you here?

Why did China send me here?

Makes no difference to me!

You can say anything you want!

General, why don't we test your new product?

Please.

Now I remember. China sent me here to be their diplomat.

No? To do business?

They certainly didn't send me here to test your poisonous gas!

My life is saved!

Should I save him?

No reason to go back and get killed!

Looks like he can handle them all right.

I'd better take off!

That's too cowardly!

I can't do that!

You're just in time. Go rescue him!

Again? It's becoming a habit here.

Now I don't owe you anymore!

Let's go!

Go!

What are you trying to say?

I'm the head of the city of Kaal.

The Japanese wanted to build a poisonous gas plant here.

I tried to do what's right.

I was going to give him information on the Japanese

because he is a Chinese spy.

To repay me,

he'd promised to send a plane to get me out to a safe place.

So she is the Chinese pilot sent here

to get me out of here.

And you... you are...

That's right, this is none of your business!

What do you mean "none of my business"?

I'm for the defeat of Japanese Imperialism.

I'm for uniting our billions of Chinese people.

I'm for the establishment of peace and happiness for our future generations.

So do you think this is any of my business now?

Is that so? He's nuts!

What? Is it wrong to fight for peace?

Since we all share the same goal,

If you want to leave, you'll certainly have my full support.

We shall go together.

Leave? How do we leave?

Your plane?

It's out of fuel.

How did that happen?

The fuel tank was shot by the Japanese on my way here.

All the fuel leaked out.

Don't worry. I know where we can find more fuel.

In the Japanese supply station.

That's right!

Then let's go. The sooner we get fuel,

the sooner we get home.

Then I'll wish you all a safe trip home.

What do you mean?

Aren't you coming with us too?

I've to stay here to finish Toga off.

Only then would the building of the poisonous plant be stopped.

Don't worry. You all go ahead.

I'll see you in China.

How do you plan to get him?

Toga has so many guards around him.

Worse comes to worse, we'll just die together.

But I know he checks in at the Supply Station every night.

I will have my chance.

Why didn't you say so? We can kill two birds with one stone.

We'll first get rid of Toga, then we'll steal their fuel.

I have no problem with that, as long as we can get away.

Since everyone agree, it's decided then.

You really want to help me on this?

We're just helping each other. We'll help you with Toga,

and you'll help us steal their fuel.

That's a deal.

Thank you.

Wait a minute!

You two are lovers.

You two have a business relationship.

You two are destined to be lovers.

What I want to know is, if it comes down to it, will you abandon me?

Don't worry. We're in this together!

Then no one leaves unless all of us leave!

Got it!

What is it, Miss?

There's been so much trouble lately. Father told me to keep a tighter watch.

I want to have a look inside.

Miss, no one is allowed

to enter without a permit.

Where do you keep the airplane fuel?

Only Lt. Matchi knows. I'll go ask him.

Why don't you bring him here, and I'll ask him.

Lt. Matchi.

They threatened me...

Where do you keep the airplane fuel?

Those with red lines on them.

I'll go get Youda.

Hold it. Where is Toga?

He didn't come here today.

Never mind. Just get the fuel!

Tell me! Where is Toga?

We had agreed to kill Toga first before we'd leave.

Don't be an idiot! We have to be flexible.

So we missed Toga. We can still move the fuel first.

No!

Stop!

I'll shoot if you move the fuel.

I want to wait for Toga.

What is wrong with you, pointing a gun at a friend?

That's the difference with me. I've never treated him as a friend.

You...

Don't move or I'll really shoot!

I'm only doing what's best for everybody.

What are you all doing?

Don't mind him. He has gone crazy.

I'm going to move the fuel. You watch him.

You have not gone crazy too, have you?

All right, we'll vote on it.

Do you want to leave?

Of course.

How about you?

I want to be with Youda.

How about you?

My job is to take Youda to safety.

Meeting is over. Let's move.

I said they would come.

Lock them up!

Father, don't shoot!

They have taken me hostage!

Don't come any closer!

Don't open fire!

Move closer and I'll blow her up!

Chin-chin!

Don't open fire!

Lighter!

You all get in the car and leave!

Get off!

Get in! Hurry up and get in!

You go ahead and go!

We can take him with us!

Move!

An officer of Imperial Japan will never be used as a hostage!

Just burn it!

Let him be! Let's go.

No! I must finish him off tonight.

Now you guys can leave!

Don't be a fool!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Can you wait till we're out of danger before you get all romantic?

You be quiet!

I'll divert them.

Be careful!

Oh shit!

Follow me!

We're free!

We're back!

Woman, I've come to rescue you!

See? We didn't abandon you.

Are you all right?

Thank you.

Hop in!

Jump!

That's it! We can't leave now!

That's not funny!

The Japanese came here to develop our city of Kaal.

We all want what is best for Kaal.

For the future of Kaal.

For a better life for all people.

We must give our full support to the Japanese.

That's why Japanese are our friends.

Woman, I still don't know your name.

Her name is Fok Ming-ming.

Her father was Old Man Fok, who had single handedly

killed the famous bandit, Nine-tailed Fox.

Ten years ago in Shin Yang,

your father was betrayed by the underlings of Chan Cho-Yang,

Killed by a corrupted police officer. Right?

Is that true? How did you know all that?

How I knew is none of your business.

If you want to hear the story,

you'd better hold your tongue.

Since then, it was just you and your grandfather.

About two years ago, you'd finally avenged your father's death.

Then what happened?

Then she still has no boyfriend.

But she detests the kind

who wears a leather jacket and a silk scarf

and thinks he is so cool.

I never said any of that!

You're taking his side already?

She was not taking my side, mustache. She was just mocking you.

Mock me? You want to compare life stories?

Compare life stories? Then you'll lose for sure.

Don't be too sure.

When you're young your both parent die You'd to fend for yourself ever since.

To survive, you've had to resort to stealing and swindling.

As a result, you have made many enemies.

To avoid your enemies, you became a drifter.

You've been drifting ever since. Am I right?

How did you know?

The stories of all drifters are about the same.

So what's so unusual about your life?

Mine was a bit more special than yours. I have been a spy for five years.

My code name is Secret Agent No. 1.

My real name is Paulina Wong.

What kind of a name is that for a man?

That's not a bad name...

You're taking his side again? I'm getting mad.

Sh... Let's listen to the rest.

I was raised by a bandit, and then...

And then you learned right from wrong

and destroyed the bandit's organization.

But your conscience wouldn't allow you to kill the bandit.

Your foster father is now a law abiding businessman in Hong Kong.

Your original wish was to become a doctor, but...

Your wish could come true very soon. As soon as they execute us,

you can reincarnate

and give your wish a second try.

But your destroying the bandits caught

the Secret Agents Bureau's attention

And that was how you became a spy.

You have been promoted five times in two years and became 001.

You don't have to ask me how I knew.

My grandfather had told me all about you

before I came.

You don't think he would let me work

with someone I knew nothing about?

Wow! Touching! Extraordinary!

How touching! How extraordinary!

You two are a match made in heaven!

If we get out of this alive, you can have two children.

Their names will be Touching Wong and Extraordinary Wong.

And should you have one more,

you can call him Drifting Wong to commemorate me.

Hey, someone over here does not want us to talk...

That is why for the good of Kaal,

anyone who attempt to sabotage our relationship with Imperial Japan

should be executed.

Do you all agree with me?

Right! You're so right!

I've finally come to my senses.

I've decided to betray them

and give you some secret information.

The secret information is...

Come here. Come over here.

What secret information?

Oh... You smell so bad! Did you just eat shit?

General, I think we need Youda out here.

Youda.

General Toga.

Execution in ten minutes.

Memorize this and say it at the execution.

I, Youda, ruler of Puttan Kaal,

officially announce the execution of these three people

because they had sabotaged the order of United East Asia.

Long live the Imperial Japanese Empire!

Bullshit!

I, Youda, ruler of Puttan Kaal,

officially announce the execution of these three people.

Chin-chin. Chin-chin.

Youda.

Everything is fine now. You'll be better soon.

What about them?

Gone. They have all left.

How?

I set them free.

The Japanese agreed?

Of course not.

I had to give them hell.

I told the Japanese,

I am the ruler of Kaal. I order them set free.

Otherwise, I will kick them out of our city.

The Japanese were scared stiffed and set them free immediately.

Really?

Why should I lie to you, right?

They are all good people. They should have good endings.

You should rest now, and don't think so much anymore.

I, Youda, ruler of Puttan Kaal,

officially announce the execution of these three people

because they had sabotaged the order of United East Asia.

Long live the Imperial Japanese...

Don't talk to me!

Your daughter was so severely wounded by the Japanese,

don't you have any feelings for her?

The Japanese have guns and cannons, what can we do?

I don't care! I have to rescue them!

Watch your words! You may lose your life!

Even if you were willing to risk your life,

you still may not be able to save them.

If they are truly your friends,

they would not want you to die in vain.

My Lord, you must think of the big picture.

Execution begins!

Awaiting your announcement, My Lord.

I, Youda, ruler of Puttan Kaal,

now pronounce

these three people... innocent. Release them now!

Anyone who attempts to sabotage our relationship with the Imperial Japan

commits a severe crime.

Even though Youda is our ruler,

he is not above the law.

Everyone is equal in the eyes of the law.

This is justice and fairness.

I hereby announce the execution of Youda and the other three.

I've kept my honor with you guys!

Ready!

One... Two...

You must not kill My Lord!

Ready!

One... Two...

No! You must not kill Youda...

Arrows!

No...

No! You must not kill Youda...

Chin-chin!

Don't kill them...

Stop

Father!

Chin-chin!

Let's get this over with.

Begin execution!

Ready!

One!

Youda... Youda...

Youda...

Arrows!

Arrows!

I pay...

Arrows!

Youda... Youda... Youda...

How can we fight the Japanese with these?

But maybe they won't come back anymore.

I want to avenge my father's death.

By nature, the Japanese will come back to destroy the city.

If you are scared, you may leave now.

Do I look like a coward?

I'm going to turn them into Japanese turnip cake!

We'll have turnip cake for lunch tomorrow then.

My Lord, please state your order.

All right. I'll summon everyone in the city.

I, Youda, ruler of Puttan Kaal,

declare war with the Japanese.

We will defend our city in full force!

War! War! War!

War! War! War!

Fire!

Get ready!

You guys stand guard here, I'm going to take off.

Charge!

Charge!

They're coming! Hurry!

One... Two... Three... Fire!

Fire!

Take down the gate!

Son of bitches!

Son of bitches...

They're bombing the gate! Come on!

Search!

Spread out!

Keep moving forward! Search!

Traitor!

Reporting, there is nobody anywhere.

Keep searching!

Lieutenant, please advise.

What the hell is going on? Son of a bitch!

YOU son of a bitch!

Everyone, throw!

Retreat! Everyone retreat!

Hurry!

Come on!

Let's go! Hurry!

A watch!

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, Sir.

You gutless coward! Come on out!

Here! Go for it!

Stop! Come on down!

They're all dead!

Hold him up!

Are they all dead? All dead!

Retreat!

Watch out!

General, the fire is too fierce. We can't fight our way in!

As an officer, you must set a good example for the troops!

Yes! Follow me!

Take these guns!

How are we doing? Not too bad.

Let me...

Throw down your weapons

and surrender and your families will live.

Mother... Son...

Mother... Son...

Mother...

Immediately surrender or more lives will be sacrificed!

I surrender...

Please don't kill my people!

Put down your weapons!

What do we do?

My Lord! Do not surrender!

Get down!

I want to kill this damned Japanese!

Don't!

Otherwise we'll be just like them.

You may go. Go tell your people that

our people do not kill!

Also, the aggressor will always lose!

Everyone, I have something to say.

We still have a vast army of enforcement coming.

They are determined to win!

If this war continues, you will all die.

Then...

How did this happen?

Our army had fought with all their might.

I asked you how this happened?

They would rather burn with the city

than give up.

Such a fine city, now all gone up in smoke. Such a pity!

I would rather be without a city,

than to have all the people suffer.

As long as there are people, there will be another city.

Without this city they would have no place to build the poisonous gas plant.

I can finally take a break.

You have time to take a break?

I'll take you sight seeing in my plane.

Would you be flying back to China?

I really miss home.

I'm so sorry. My plane only has room for two.

Really?

But, there is the cargo compartment if you don't mind.

No, no at all! I don't mind one single bit!

This city is rendered useless to us. Retreat!

Yes.