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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,679 My name is Jamie Kelly. 4 00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:22,056 I'm an artist and a writer 5 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,433 and an expert on all things beautiful. 6 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:27,232 Inner beauty, outer beauty... You name it. 7 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,775 I go to mackerel middle school. 8 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,820 Hey, you'd think they named it after a fish 9 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,741 because so many of the kids are working below a "c" level. 10 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,825 Okay, bad joke. Forget I ever said that. 11 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,451 My best friend is Isabella. 12 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,410 Isabella is probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, 13 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,415 even though you can't tell by looking at her 14 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,873 or meeting her or knowing her your whole life. 15 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,005 Okay, Isabella is my second-best friend. 16 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,633 My best friend is... 17 00:00:56,848 --> 00:01:00,215 Well, my best friend is someone I can tell anything to, 18 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:03,472 even the really weird things that keep happening to me. 19 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,020 Is it just me, 20 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:08,975 or is it possible that everything in middle school is a weird thing? 21 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,154 To answer that question, 22 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:15,197 I need to figure out the meaning of life. 23 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,614 But until then, my best friend is my diary, 24 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:23,539 my dear dumb diary. 25 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:37,924 J yada yah yah yah yah yah yah 26 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,847 j yada yah yah yah yah j 27 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:45,052 Jamie's voice: If I didn't give you permission to read this diary, 28 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,012 you better stop reading right now. 29 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,393 If you are my parents, then yes, 30 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:53,194 I know I'm not allowed to call people idiots and tools 31 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,770 and trolls and all that. 32 00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,150 But this is a diary. 33 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,277 And I didn't actually call them anything, 34 00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,653 I wrote it. 35 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:03,203 And if you punish me for it, then I will know that you read my diary, 36 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,952 which you did not have permission to do. 37 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:07,954 Now by the power vested in me, 38 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:12,504 I do promise that everything in this diary is true. 39 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:16,425 Or, at least as true as I think it needs be. 40 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,800 J are you sure you're supposed to be j 41 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:23,178 j reading someone else's diary? J 42 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,100 j it might be time to stop and think j 43 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,897 j 'cause I wrote this down in poison ink j 44 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,349 poisoning somehow seems wrong. 45 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,686 J if you read a little secret about Isabella j 46 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:39,194 j you really shouldn't know it, so just don't tell her j 47 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,617 j just let your mind flip into a comfortable numbness j 48 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,492 j but never underestimate your own dumbness 49 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,825 j idiots and fools and goons and half-wits j 50 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,752 j it's not my fault I know everything j 51 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:56,923 j information is revealed on a need-to-know basis j 52 00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,093 j it's all in my dear dumb diary j 53 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:06,096 j read it in my dear dumb diary j 54 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:16,268 J if this is you, freaky beauty queen j 55 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:19,821 j otherwise known as Angeline j 56 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,275 j don't you dare take another peek j 57 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:27,113 j 'cause I won't turn the other... j 58 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,324 j idiots and fools and goons and half-wits j 59 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,502 j it's not my fault I know everything j 60 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,673 j information is revealed on a need-to-know basis j 61 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,967 j it's all in my dear dumb diary j 62 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:47,095 j read it in my dear dumb diary j 63 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,942 J yada yah yah yah yah yah yah 64 00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:00,271 j yada yah yah yah yah j 65 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,948 j yada yah yah yah yah yah yah j 66 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:07,779 j yada yah yah yah yah. J 67 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,790 Jamie: I know, I pretty much rock. 68 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,460 That's why all the dudes are crazy about me. 69 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,505 Dudes like Hudson rivers. 70 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:19,832 He knows I got it. 71 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,633 Hey, Jamie, check it out. 72 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,967 New dance I'm working on. 73 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,974 It's called the choke. 74 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,851 Did you say something, Hudson? 75 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,853 Yeah, the box you made me for my birthday, for my arthropods... 76 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,560 I was up all night labeling. Doesn't it look cool? 77 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,087 I'm sorry. Here, let me help you with that. 78 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,117 I've dropped things before and I know how much trouble droppage can be. 79 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,865 Bugs don't bother you? 80 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,412 Each of these beautiful invertebrates 81 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,123 has their own special role in nature, you know? 82 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,085 Every creature has its place. 83 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,761 And my place... it's next to you. 84 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:12,058 We're like two swallowtail butterflies meant to flap their wings together, 85 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:18,015 yep, two swallowtail butterflies 86 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,146 with their pet unicorn 87 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,978 who has his own pet, which is a koala. 88 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,984 What? 89 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,816 I said I thought I had more beetles. Did you see any more of them? 90 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,949 No. You know, Hudson, I've been thinking... 91 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,281 - Hey, Angeline. - Jamie's voice: See, dumb diary, 92 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,958 there's one small problem. 93 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:41,163 The universe has afflicted me with a girl of such genetic superiority 94 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,749 that my own personal awesomeness, 95 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,836 which by just about any standard is sufficiently awesome, 96 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,717 is made to look sub-awesome. 97 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,798 Is that your lip gloss I smell? 98 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,600 Watermelon splash? It's great. 99 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:58,101 Good news, Hudson... you could be a professional smeller if you wanted. 100 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,932 Yeah, you sure smell a lot. 101 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,771 Jamie's voice: And just like that, Hudson followed Angeline 102 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,448 like my dog stinker following a pork chop. 103 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,322 Watermelon splash? 104 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,996 Angeline just stole my signature lip-gloss flavor. 105 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,995 This could get ugly, kids. 106 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,750 Normally I hate seeing my best friend Isabella angry. 107 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,919 But now she's mad at Angeline, and I can live with that. 108 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:32,131 Miss bruntford would like to remind students 109 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,965 that tofuloaf... 110 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,721 But more difficult to live 111 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,269 with was having to sit through Mr. vandoy's class. 112 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,348 He's famous at mackerel for a historical fact of his own. 113 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,729 He was born with no personality. 114 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:47,278 When the doctor spanked him, he just said... 115 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,026 Mr. vandoy's voice: "Really? 116 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:53,531 Is that absolutely necessary?" 117 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,954 In other news, 118 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,158 mackerel middle school is proud to announce 119 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:03,541 the first district-wide jump-a-thon. 120 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,419 When you're that pretty, you can't tell right from wrong. 121 00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,843 She's blinded by her own beauty. 122 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,380 That's not fair. 123 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,307 Angeline completely throws off the attractiveness curve. 124 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,760 I could be gorgeous and we wouldn't even know it. 125 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,693 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 126 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,818 I'm having a brainstorm of gigantic proportions. 127 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,197 What if all the average-looking people in the world banned together? 128 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:38,576 Seriously, isn't it time we took a stand against the effortlessly beautiful? 129 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,538 J on behalf of the 99% of us j 130 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,837 j we won't bow down to the 1% of the populace 131 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,291 j we're not going to drop down and take it, now are we? J 132 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:53,095 j just because they look like Ken and Barbie j 133 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:59,472 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 134 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:05,937 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 135 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,734 j all the problems of the world will vanish j 136 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,314 j when the freaks of nature are rounded up j 137 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,115 j and banished j 138 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:18,320 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 139 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,032 j your sweet-smelling symmetry is starting to sicken me j 140 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,289 j I'm gonna puke my guts in your perfect hair j 141 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,996 j you're so wonderful, flawless and joyful j 142 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,207 j we're gonna ship you to an island j 143 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,260 j and leave you there... j 144 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:38,716 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 145 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,391 men: J perfect people 146 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:44,687 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 147 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:48,232 j all the problems of the world will vanish j 148 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,528 j when the freaks of nature are rounded up j 149 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:52,740 j and banished j 150 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:57,943 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go... 151 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,778 I hereby declare the need 152 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,410 for an equal playing field for all humanity. 153 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:06,083 Here is my proposal... hair tattooed on the legs of the pretty people, 154 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,833 permanent unibrows surgically implanted 155 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,381 on the foreheads of the effortlessly beautiful, 156 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:16,007 super stinky pit stains embedded in the shirts of the overly confident. 157 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,259 I do solemnly swear that we will once and for all 158 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,309 put an end to your sickeningly cute injustices, 159 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,557 now and for all eternity! 160 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:30,313 J perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 161 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,189 men: J the perfect people 162 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,396 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 163 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,198 j all the problems of the world will vanish j 164 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,325 j when the freaks of nature are rounded up j 165 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,623 j and banished j 166 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:50,499 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go-0-0 j 167 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,080 men: J perfect people 168 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:56,418 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go j 169 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,880 j all the problems of the world will vanish j 170 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,342 j when the freaks of nature are rounded up j 171 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,926 j and banished j 172 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:09,890 j perfect people of the world, you've got to go-0-0 j 173 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,150 men: J perfect people... j 174 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,106 you're beautiful and you smell great and you're nice to be around. 175 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:17,405 But I'm sorry, you've gotta go! 176 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,107 Mr. vandoy: Jamie 177 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,659 Jamie? 178 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,078 Your hands are raised. 179 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:28,454 Do you want to sigh up for the jump-a-thon? 180 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,083 Angeline was the first to sign her name. 181 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,913 Hmm? 182 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,045 Come on, Jamie, it's for a good cause. 183 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,503 What have you got to lose? 184 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,304 Hey, I came prepared. 185 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,382 So did I, dad. 186 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:45,602 Nice. 187 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,097 Mrs. Kelly: Ta-dah! 188 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,178 Jamie's voice: Mom is up to her usual hijinx, 189 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,015 committing dinner against the entire family. 190 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,442 - I heard that, Jamie. - I didn't say anything. 191 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,695 Who would love my casserole. 192 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:05,779 Casserole! That's what that is. 193 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,614 Mmm, yum. 194 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,868 It seems to me that the kids in where-the-heck-istan 195 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,831 have enough problems without dumping mom's casseroles on them too. 196 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,631 - Hello? Carol! - It's aunt Carol! 197 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,929 - No, Carol, it's a fine time. - Let me talk to her! 198 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,687 Hey, 199 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,765 - why the long face, chief? - Nothing. 200 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,691 - Are you sure? - Nothing. 201 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,715 - What's wrong? What's wrong? - Nothing. Nothing. 202 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,739 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 203 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,529 - What's for dessert? - All right. 204 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:45,452 All right. I just... I don't like school very much right now, okay? 205 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,279 That's because school is supposed to prepare you for real life 206 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,865 - which also really s... - Honey? 207 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,700 Sweetheart? 208 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:59,837 I just... I feel kind of invisible at school sometimes. 209 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,169 Well... 210 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,595 I understand, Jamie. 211 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,139 When I was your age, 212 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,249 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 213 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,436 doesn't my dad realize my life has nothing to do with football? 214 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,394 Seriously, these guys do recess for a living. 215 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,275 What I need is a... 216 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,011 Mr. Kelly: After a while, though, I started making friends... 217 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,035 That's it! 218 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,076 The thing that's gonna make me sparkle. 219 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,779 Actually sparkles! 220 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:34,376 Yes. Why didn't I think of it before? 221 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,953 If there's one thing I know, 222 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,915 it's the science of shimmer. 223 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,591 More blue! 224 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:46,513 Oh, no. More pink! Yeah! 225 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:51,684 Oh, this was an excellent year for hot magenta. 226 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,682 Thank you. 227 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:57,769 Sequinization! Rhinestonery! 228 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,729 Emflowerment! Stickerating! 229 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:06,317 Jamie's voice: I'm even thinking because of my monumental art project 230 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,948 glitter can become... 231 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,825 A college major. 232 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:16,167 I wouldn't be surprised if they put it on coins, 233 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,960 or cars... 234 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,623 Or even the statue of Liberty. 235 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:25,802 And this year's pulitzer prize for world peace through glitter 236 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,721 goes to Jamie Kelly! 237 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,083 Jamie's voice: Ladies and gentlemen, 238 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,940 mackerel middle school history is about to be made. 239 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,895 Jamie, what have you got there? 240 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,404 Jamie's voice: Isn't she gorgeous? 241 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,201 Meet miss Anderson, art teacher. 242 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:55,202 She's my bft, which is like a bff, except for teachers. 243 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,004 I have something to show you. 244 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,083 You may want to brace yourself. 245 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,264 What is it? 246 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,341 Oh, Jamie, 247 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,176 it's magnificent. 248 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,680 I'm afraid I have bad news. 249 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,816 Due to significant budget cuts, 250 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:27,148 certain extra-curricular activities are being eliminated this year, 251 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,857 including... 252 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,159 Thespian society, 253 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,994 model united nations, 254 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,783 the art program... 255 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,914 - Breathe. - Can't. 256 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:45,669 In, out. 257 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,046 No art. 258 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,678 This could be the end of Jamie Kelly. 259 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,727 This could be the end of all artists. 260 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,931 What?! 261 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,606 Ow! 262 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,235 Breathing again. You're welcome. 263 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,567 That's why our school's fundraisers 264 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,778 are more important than ever. 265 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:19,457 So I need to see everyone at mackerel middle 266 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:24,504 get behind this year's jump-a-thon! 267 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,502 Ho ho ho! 268 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,674 Did you know every year 269 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,050 500 children get injured in a tragic jump-roping accident? 270 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,972 It's true... 271 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,264 And funny. 272 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,513 That's what I'm talking about. 273 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:42,893 The event will involve all five middle schools in the district, 274 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:46,021 and listen up, friends... Certain local businesses 275 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:51,152 have chipped in and awarded $10,000 276 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:55,781 to the school whose student wins the jump-a-thon! 277 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,988 Whoo! Whoo hoo! 278 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,082 Is that really like caramel apple? 279 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,378 There are 350 lip-gloss flavors in the world. 280 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,252 You'd think with all those choices, 281 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,255 certain people could keep their well-manicured paws 282 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,508 off other people's signature flavors. 283 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,012 Now what do you say, friends? Can we band together 284 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,224 and raise some money for mackerel middle... 285 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,685 Yeah! 286 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,816 Come on, everybody. We can do it. 287 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,522 'Cause we're all in this together! 288 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,984 All: Shut it, cupcake! 289 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,279 Jamie's voice: This isn't the end of it. 290 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,664 My time to shine isn't going to be ripped away without a fight. 291 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,438 The school office is a bleak and desolate place 292 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,392 where students with bloody noses 293 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,899 come for the expert healing powers of the school nurse. 294 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,783 Here all are comforted 295 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,611 by the sweet and pleasant personalities of... 296 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,202 The office ladies. 297 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,411 Butterscotch! 298 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:32,123 I need to speak to assistant principal Devon. 299 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:35,130 The culture of our free world is at stake. 300 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:40,090 Art! That's the cornerstone of the whole world, of civilization! 301 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,891 What's the earth 302 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,891 without art?! 303 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,597 It's just "eh." 304 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,023 Eh... 305 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,021 Do you know what you have without art? 306 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,445 Well, basically, nothing. 307 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:58,366 Architecture... that's art. Furniture... art! 308 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,785 - Our clothes... art! - Jamie. 309 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,453 I got it. 310 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,906 I don't want to lose any program. 311 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,367 I want every student 312 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,624 to fly on the limitless wings of eagles. 313 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,833 My job is to be a problem-solver. 314 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,214 And you can join me in being a problem-solver too. 315 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,094 That's what I'm trying to do right now, 316 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,925 solve a really big problem. 317 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,852 You could sign up for the jump-a-thon. 318 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,726 That's being part of the solution. 319 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,268 "Beeing part..." Bzzz. 320 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,440 Isabella says all fundraising is a money-hungry scam. 321 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660 Does she really? 322 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,556 And what does Isabella know about fundraising? 323 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,162 Isabella knows about everything. 324 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,786 You're a good kid, Jamie. 325 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:50,960 But your friend Isabella doesn't have all the answers. 326 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,379 Isabella says the people who say things about her 327 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,424 - only do so because they're jealous. - I'm not jealous of Isabella. 328 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,672 Isabella says that denying jealousy 329 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,004 is, like, the surest sign of jealousy. 330 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,389 Did you know that Isabella told Mrs. frundle 331 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,017 that her dress looked like something you'd bury a clown in. 332 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,894 Isabella offers free fashion advice. 333 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,172 Her third-grade teacher said that Isabella is a thief. 334 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,983 Isabella is a modern-day Robin hood, 335 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,565 in much better tights. 336 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,492 Finally, this. 337 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,616 Disruptive, unsanitary, 338 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,494 and frankly, ew. 339 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,873 Isabella is in touch with her inner dolphin. 340 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,999 Bottom line, 341 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,962 Isabella is selfish. You don't want to end up like that. 342 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,264 Jamie: Wait. 343 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:49,810 So all of our dirty deeds... 344 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:54,061 All of our deepest secrets live in that cabinet? 345 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,732 Pretty much. 346 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,527 Everyone has a record? 347 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,355 Without it, you don't even exist. 348 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:06,114 Assistant principal Devon, line three. 349 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,787 Whaaaa! Ah! 350 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,287 Oh. 351 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:15,620 This is tragic or something. 352 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,360 Jamie's voice: Turns out it was tragic. 353 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,625 She broke her hip. Hips a big deal to office ladies. 354 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,928 They need them for sitting around all day. 355 00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,552 And when assistant principal Devon 356 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:30,476 called for help, I was alone with all the permanent records. 357 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,553 Isabella: Including Angeline's? 358 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,229 It was right there. 359 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,433 You know, it's true what they say... 360 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,940 Without a permanent record, you don't exist. 361 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:45,446 You basically walk the earth as a ghost. 362 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,992 Did you see my record? 363 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,195 Yours? 364 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,708 Eh, I may have seen it. 365 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,957 Mr. Kelly: Jamie! Guess who it is. 366 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:01,132 Oh, that's my aunt Carol! Gotta fly, pumpkin pie. 367 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,799 Catch you later, perspirator. 368 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:07,221 I told you, I switched my spy name to Princess unicornia! 369 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:09,953 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 370 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,888 isn't my aunt Carol incredible? 371 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:15,062 Her wardrobe is like the clothes my old Barbies used to wear. 372 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,858 Except my aunt doesn't spend as much time on her tip-toes. 373 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,148 Jamie! 374 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:25,481 Jamie! 375 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,613 - Aunt Carol! - Oh! 376 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,660 Do you know what all that means? 377 00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,158 Pink is the new black? 378 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,616 Well, obviously. But no. 379 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:40,626 It means there are lots of clothes for you to inherit. 380 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,921 Don't you see how cool she is already? 381 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:49,471 See, most of my conversations with adult relatives go like this... 382 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,516 - So how's school going? - Fine. 383 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,185 - And how's soccer going? - Fine. 384 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:59,940 See, if I explain that I've never played soccer, 385 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,985 it would just lead to extra questions. 386 00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:06,360 So what do you think about all this rain we're having? 387 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,815 Fine. 388 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,151 So how is school going? 389 00:22:11,372 --> 00:22:12,657 Fine. 390 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,433 Are any of the kids, like, really gross? 391 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:15,622 Stop it, Carol. 392 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,700 Angeline is gross. 393 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,285 Jamie. 394 00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:23,123 Do you know that your mom once peed her pants at school? 395 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,799 Don't... do not listen to her, Jamie. 396 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,593 Your aunt Carol has taken her allergy medicine, 397 00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:30,966 and she really has no idea what she is saying. Stop it. 398 00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:35,601 Okay, fine. Fine, I'll drop it. 399 00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:39,271 So, Jamie, what do you think of all this rain we are having? 400 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,690 - I don't know. - I bet your mom hates it. 401 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,312 It could get her pants wet. 402 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:45,770 Mrs. Kelly: Hey! Time out for you, Carol. 403 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,190 Jamie: School is a disaster. 404 00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,824 Well, that's because it is supposed to prepare you for the real world, 405 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,719 - which also kind of... - Yeah, I've heard. 406 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:58,616 But how am I supposed to make it through without going nuts? 407 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,451 Play to your strengths. 408 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,252 I've tried that. 409 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,750 Well, maybe you have more than one strength. 410 00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,673 It's highly unlikely. 411 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,298 When I was in middle school, 412 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,346 I got teased for having thin lips. 413 00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,674 They called me lizard lips. 414 00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,385 So I would walk around trying to push my lips out 415 00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,095 so they would be more full. 416 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,474 That didn't work. 417 00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:25,855 But later I discovered I was a really good kisser 418 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,471 no matter what my lips looked like. 419 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,238 And trust me, nobody was complaining. 420 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:32,032 Stop. 421 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,611 You have got to 422 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,038 use what you have got. 423 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,616 Sometimes what you think might be a problem 424 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:43,543 could turn out to be your greatest strength. 425 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,920 See? There. 426 00:23:51,305 --> 00:23:54,047 Photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo. 427 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,512 But what if I don't have a greatest strength? 428 00:23:57,728 --> 00:24:00,720 Oh, everybody's got a greatest strength. I've got, like, five. 429 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,306 Come on, who doesn't? 430 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:08,565 Well, well. If it isn't Jamie. 431 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,442 You still a vegetarian? 432 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:13,775 Because now we've got tofuloaf. 433 00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:17,737 This is even worse than when they tried serving us... 434 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,868 Lollyloafs. 435 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:23,826 I saw a doctor. 436 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,458 I got healed from vegetarianism. 437 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,756 Well, then, 438 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,833 bring up the tray. Pick it up. Put it up here. 439 00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,338 All the way. There you go. 440 00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:36,092 Why do I feel like all the adults in my life are trying to poison me? 441 00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:41,720 I don't think she's going to look away until you take a bite. 442 00:24:58,122 --> 00:25:02,206 I can't tell the difference between the meatloaf 443 00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:03,783 and my tongue. 444 00:25:04,795 --> 00:25:06,706 Now down to business. 445 00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:10,005 I've been thinking about Angeline 446 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,754 and the whole permanent-record thing. 447 00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:15,382 The girl has got to be stopped. 448 00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:17,277 - Why do you think that... - Hudson: Jamie! 449 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:18,597 Hey, how are you doing? 450 00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:20,845 I didn't see your name on the jump-a-thon list 451 00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:24,645 and I know you'd do a great job. That's all. 452 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,948 - Is she okay? - She's fine. 453 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,776 Might be a small panic attack. 454 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:40,782 Go ahead. As you were saying? 455 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:46,291 Well, I remember that 456 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,459 playing double Dutch and stuff... 457 00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:50,913 You used to be the best jump-roper in the whole school. 458 00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,794 Does she need to see the nurse? 459 00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:59,297 Dear dumb diary, 460 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,973 only a miracle happened today. 461 00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:05,804 Hudson rivers basically has declared his undying love for me, 462 00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:07,934 except he said it another way. 463 00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:10,391 His code, which I cleverly deciphered, 464 00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:13,853 was saying that he thinks I'd do good in the jump-a-thon. 465 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:17,691 I cannot... repeat, cannot let him down. 466 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,822 I think I can uphold our love, 467 00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:24,405 save the art program, and finally... Finally bring justice 468 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:26,991 to every average-looking person in the whole world 469 00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:29,748 who's ever been shown up by a girl like Angeline. 470 00:26:29,963 --> 00:26:32,500 That's right... I have no choice 471 00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:35,002 but show once and for all the entire world... 472 00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:38,131 My awesomeness! 473 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,939 J my awesomeness is awesome j 474 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,482 j my technique is unique j 475 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,309 j my awesomeness is awesome j 476 00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:56,737 j everybody else if freakin' weak... j 477 00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:58,405 j my footwork is like clockwork j 478 00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,608 j my routine is the hottest j 479 00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:03,911 j I'm a voodoo samurai super-ninja jump-rope goddess j 480 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:07,115 j so if you step to me j 481 00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:10,701 j proceed with caution j 482 00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,583 j my awesomeness is awesome j 483 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,249 j my awesomeness is awesome... j 484 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:21,508 look, ninjas! And they have Hudson! 485 00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:24,848 J there is no competition j 486 00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:26,550 j there will be no contest j 487 00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:28,852 j 'cause now I'm on a mission j 488 00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,146 j to be the very best of the best of the best j 489 00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:34,270 j and unless you've got three legs and a built-in trampoline j 490 00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:38,149 j you've got no chance against me, even you, Angeline j 491 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,856 j so if you step to me j 492 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:44,785 j proceed with caution j 493 00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:47,739 j my awesomeness is awesome j 494 00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:51,708 j my awesomeness is awesome... j 495 00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,089 you're right, Jamie. 496 00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:57,460 Your awesomeness is awesome. 497 00:27:57,676 --> 00:28:00,713 J they come to worship me j 498 00:28:00,929 --> 00:28:05,298 - j from all around the world - Other: J ooh ooh j 499 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,384 j and no one can believe j 500 00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:14,099 j I'm just your average girl j 501 00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:17,813 j my concentration is unbreakable j 502 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,645 j my confidence unshakable j 503 00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:21,696 j my moves are so unfake-able j 504 00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:23,445 j my genius unmistakable j 505 00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:25,241 j 'cause I'm capable of miracles j 506 00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,570 j and I'm here to pull the stops out of y'all 507 00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:30,371 j so check check check check checka checka checka me out j 508 00:28:30,584 --> 00:28:33,667 j if you want a piece of me j 509 00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:38,418 j proceed with caution j 510 00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:41,501 j my awesomeness j 511 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:47,090 j is awesome. J 512 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,932 I can't take it anymore. 513 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,060 It's too overwhelming. I'm gonna jump. 514 00:28:56,276 --> 00:28:58,938 Jamie, middle school's not that bad. 515 00:28:59,154 --> 00:29:00,564 Please reconsider. 516 00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:02,772 No, the jump-a-thon. I'm doing it. 517 00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,481 I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna win. 518 00:29:04,701 --> 00:29:06,111 We're all gonna jump 519 00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:08,319 'cause we're all in this together! 520 00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,159 Pretty gutsy, Jamie, 521 00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:19,588 considering all the money you have to raise. 522 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,165 Money? 523 00:29:21,385 --> 00:29:23,592 I have to raise money? 524 00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:25,214 300 bucks?! 525 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:27,350 Angeline just went around asking people for money 526 00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:29,548 and they raised up 300 buck-a-roos? 527 00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,975 How famous does Angeline need to be? 528 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:35,224 If it was me, I'd be totally satisfied with being partly famous 529 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,056 and not have to go around making myself famouser all the time. 530 00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:42,065 She just asked and boom... 531 00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:45,444 = money. - 532 00:29:58,005 --> 00:30:01,122 If I could paint and talk at the... 533 00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:05,004 Jamie! Hi. I just met your lovely aunt. 534 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:06,926 I'm glad to hear you're moving to town. 535 00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:08,720 Please, assistant principal devonn, 536 00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:10,138 call me Carol. 537 00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,931 Carol. And you can call me Dan. 538 00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:13,805 Oh, Dan. 539 00:30:14,021 --> 00:30:16,558 And it's "Devon," not devonn. 540 00:30:16,773 --> 00:30:18,934 I will talk to you later. 541 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:20,311 Bye. 542 00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,773 - Carol: Oh! - See you. 543 00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:27,652 Hey, no... not... not here! 544 00:30:27,868 --> 00:30:31,360 Big news. Assistant principal Devon just offered me an office job. 545 00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:33,571 It turns out some poor woman broke her hip. 546 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,906 Oh, yeah, I heard about that. 547 00:30:36,126 --> 00:30:37,787 Jamie, 548 00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,959 I am gonna be working at your school! 549 00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:44,589 Of course there was a time when my aunt Carol understood 550 00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:48,714 that a person would rather bathe in a tub of hot dog slobber 551 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:51,421 than have a relative working at their school. 552 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,677 Isn't it great? 553 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:55,976 She's lost touch with reality. 554 00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:59,931 So I had absolutely no choice except to lie to her. 555 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:02,182 Yes. 556 00:31:02,402 --> 00:31:04,233 And I'm not lying to you. 557 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,450 Hi, Mrs. clawson. 558 00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:20,284 I'm doing a jump-a-thon to raise money for my school. 559 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:23,337 Since the state doesn't seem to value education enough 560 00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:25,834 to meet our needs... 561 00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,961 What just happened? 562 00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:31,180 I'm not sure. 563 00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:34,223 Let me turn up my hearing. 564 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:37,517 I said, I was wondering, would you give us money?! 565 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,186 Let me see what I've got. 566 00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:42,310 I'd rather be at the dentist. 567 00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:43,686 Yeah. 568 00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,542 It's funny how they're always so surprised 569 00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,811 when you bite their fingers. 570 00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:51,239 Ah, here you go, dears. 571 00:31:58,458 --> 00:32:00,323 What is it? Clothes? 572 00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:01,954 Maybe we can resell them. 573 00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:03,956 Oh, no. 574 00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,378 What is it? 575 00:32:11,263 --> 00:32:13,094 Granny panties. 576 00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:15,046 They look like old army-man parachutes 577 00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:16,757 with two big holes shot through them. 578 00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:20,765 She must have thought we were on some clothing drive or something. 579 00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:24,144 Well, if at first you don't succeed, 580 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:25,815 try try again. 581 00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,608 Okay. 582 00:32:27,821 --> 00:32:32,030 But if any old lady gives me a bag of her giant bras, 583 00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:34,028 I'm out. 584 00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:43,534 You have to give 'em a taste of the product. 585 00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,709 Show 'em what they're investing in. 586 00:32:47,841 --> 00:32:50,548 Feet like fire, Jamie Kelly! Feet like fire. 587 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,251 I taught her everything she knows. 588 00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:55,758 Would you like to sponsor me, Mrs. cutler? 589 00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:58,090 Ah, my pleasure. 590 00:32:58,310 --> 00:32:59,800 Mmm, well, 591 00:33:00,020 --> 00:33:02,932 best of luck, Jamie. 592 00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,063 Thanks, Mrs. cutler. 593 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:09,393 We're also collecting for another charity today. 594 00:33:09,613 --> 00:33:10,613 We are? 595 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:13,655 The juvenile optometry federation. 596 00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:17,234 They supply eyeglasses and such to underprivileged kids. 597 00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:19,695 Well, aren't you two the little do-gooders? 598 00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:22,577 I'd be proud to give you... 599 00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:25,124 $5. 600 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:27,794 Jamie's voice: Look how self-sacrificing Isabella is. 601 00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,746 She's basically like Gandhi 602 00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,797 with a bowl haircut and glasses. 603 00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:37,679 Yeah, I got all the information about this charity online. 604 00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:40,507 You can help me collect for it if you want. 605 00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:47,936 Jamie's voice: And so, ddd, as we went door to door, 606 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:51,564 not only were people shocked and amazed by my jump-roping skills... 607 00:33:54,407 --> 00:33:56,407 But we also picked up a few bucks here and there 608 00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,654 for the juvenile optometry federation. 609 00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:00,906 J if you're with me, with me j 610 00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:02,987 j let me hearya j 611 00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,995 j get your hands together so that we can feel ya j 612 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,701 j it don't matter what they do j 613 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:09,252 j it don't matter what they say j 614 00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:12,831 j we're rock stars, do it our way, don't change j 615 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,051 j you're the same girl j 616 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:16,634 in your face, Angeline. 617 00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:19,007 Now I'm as gentle and sweet as you. 618 00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:21,510 Take that, you toad. 619 00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:26,595 - Is that... - Granny panties 620 00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:29,101 as far as the eye can see. 621 00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:31,558 Stinker! Ugh! 622 00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:37,697 Ugh! Must not touch granny panties with hands. 623 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,524 Plan b. Get to work. 624 00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:41,280 You too! 625 00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:52,796 - What time is it? - 4:52. Why? 626 00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:55,124 Hurry. Just hurry! 627 00:35:00,348 --> 00:35:04,057 Jamie's voice: Sometimes things that seem really gross at first 628 00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:08,308 can seem less gross if you just dig in and deal with the grossness. 629 00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,774 Sometimes if you just pretend things aren't gross, 630 00:35:16,990 --> 00:35:19,231 the grossness just kind of goes away. 631 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:22,783 But not this time. 632 00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:26,454 Hudson: Jamie! 633 00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:42,300 He rides past on his way from soccer 634 00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:45,052 every day at the same time. 635 00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,758 Isabella: It could be worse. 636 00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:48,934 These old-lady panties 637 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,934 could still have old ladies in 'em. 638 00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:12,575 I've heard from some reliable sources 639 00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:15,663 that Angeline does the zone shampooing. 640 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:17,247 She shampoos each zone of her head 641 00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:20,755 with its own distinct fragrance of shampoo. 642 00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:24,592 Whenever she tosses her hair, 643 00:36:24,808 --> 00:36:28,300 she shoots a delicious waft of fragrance right at your unsuspecting nose. 644 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,887 You know, there is one way to make Angeline disappear. 645 00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,974 If that permanent record's gone, poof! 646 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,308 Are you sure about that? 647 00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:38,314 Have I ever been wrong about anything? 648 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:40,530 What about that one time you tried tanning yourself 649 00:36:40,573 --> 00:36:42,279 with flashlights and a magnifying glass? 650 00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:45,279 Okay, so she won't disappear exactly, 651 00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:47,827 but we might find some embarrassing info 652 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,030 and tarnish her reputation forever. 653 00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,390 Jamie's voice: Wow. Aunt Carol's influence 654 00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:11,263 has really turned this place around. 655 00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,604 Hi, Jamie. 656 00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:39,880 Wait a second, Jamie. I just have some flowers to replace. 657 00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:43,670 What a wonderful surprise to have you come visit. 658 00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:45,172 Is it business or pleasure? 659 00:37:45,388 --> 00:37:46,844 Oh! I was wondering, 660 00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:49,547 is assistant principal Devon here? 661 00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:51,929 No, he's at lunch. You want to leave a message for him? 662 00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:55,182 No. I was just looking for... 663 00:37:56,316 --> 00:37:58,352 - A paper clip. - Oh. 664 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:00,900 Here you go. 665 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:04,275 No, no. A bigger paper clip. 666 00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:07,699 A big red paper clip. 667 00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:11,870 Do you think assistant principal Devon might have a big red paper clip? 668 00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:15,323 Maybe. He is just nuts about office supplies. 669 00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:18,626 - Why don't you go and look? - Just walk right in? 670 00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:20,829 You are my niece. Go ahead. 671 00:38:35,355 --> 00:38:38,142 - Jamie! - Hey. Back from lunch? 672 00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:41,646 Yes. But I believe you and I have something bigger to talk about. 673 00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:42,896 We do? 674 00:38:43,112 --> 00:38:44,112 We sure do. 675 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:47,189 Look, I can explain. 676 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,366 You don't have to. Your posters say everything. 677 00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:51,578 My posters? 678 00:38:51,788 --> 00:38:56,157 I've seen your juvenile optometry federation signs everywhere. 679 00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:59,368 I am so proud of you and Isabella for taking on this charity. 680 00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:03,500 It even makes me feel bad for cautioning you against Isabella. 681 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,081 I want to commend the two of you 682 00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:08,259 for making this world a better place to be. 683 00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:11,929 Or should I say... 684 00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:14,507 "Bee"?! 685 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,183 Buzz, buzz. 686 00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:20,897 Here, I want to contribute. 687 00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:23,100 This is what happens 688 00:39:23,319 --> 00:39:26,857 when you put others before yourself... magic. 689 00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,313 Carol: Jamie! 690 00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:30,364 Look what I found. 691 00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:34,114 We've got everything here. 692 00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:37,242 Ah! 693 00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:41,663 Wow. 694 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,542 - Jamie: Mmm! Yeah. - Yeah. 695 00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:46,839 - Okay, ready? - Ready. Go. 696 00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,260 Ah. 697 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:53,679 - That was so good. - So yummy. 698 00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,721 So how come aunt Carol never showed up for dinner? 699 00:39:57,937 --> 00:40:00,770 Oh, no reason. Plans, work stuff, you know. 700 00:40:00,982 --> 00:40:03,689 Sounds to me like she's got a big hot date. 701 00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:05,233 No. 702 00:40:05,445 --> 00:40:08,653 Ew! Old people dating. 703 00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:12,824 Seriously, can you imagine anything as repulsive 704 00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:18,030 as two old people locked in some withering embrace? 705 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:21,787 Their dusty decrepit flesh 706 00:40:22,003 --> 00:40:23,834 brushing up against each other? 707 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:27,756 Their bony fingers clutching... 708 00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:29,958 Jamie. She's 32. 709 00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,801 327?! 710 00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:35,346 I didn't realize she was that old. 711 00:40:37,894 --> 00:40:41,102 Jamie's voice: And just when I thought I couldn't get grossed out anymore, 712 00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:43,555 stinker proved me wrong. 713 00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:19,841 Ew ew ew! Clean air! 714 00:41:20,061 --> 00:41:22,177 Ay, help! 715 00:41:22,397 --> 00:41:24,763 I'm not sure if she's going to make it, nurse. 716 00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:27,975 She inhaled a lot of pure dog stink. 717 00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:30,526 Jamie's voice: So mom let me sleep in the living room 718 00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:32,478 in case the beagle fumes could have had 719 00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,530 any permanent effects on my development. 720 00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:35,928 Mrs. Kelly: All right, so then what? 721 00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,988 When we were eating, he just grabbed my hand. 722 00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:39,204 - Mmm! - Yeah. 723 00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:40,641 - And then the other hand. - Both hands? 724 00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:41,665 - Yeah. - He did not. 725 00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:43,435 - Yeah, it was very romantic. - He did not! 726 00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:45,290 - Carol. - And he asked me out again. 727 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:46,913 Carol, stop it! 728 00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:49,166 Carol: Oh, don't be so old-fashioned. 729 00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:52,089 Mrs. Kelly: I've heard a thing or two... 730 00:41:52,301 --> 00:41:53,336 Red alert. 731 00:41:53,553 --> 00:41:55,760 Right now at this very second, 732 00:41:55,972 --> 00:41:58,714 I think my aunt Carol is telling my mom about... 733 00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:03,472 Well, I think it really is about a big gross date. 734 00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:04,803 Mrs. Kelly: And? 735 00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:08,481 Oh, he had these strong, warm, 736 00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:10,433 - George Clooney lips. - Mm-hmm. 737 00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:12,939 Which is so gross to listen to. 738 00:42:13,156 --> 00:42:16,023 It's all I can do to keep eavesdropping. 739 00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:18,574 These powerful, masculine Ben affleck hands. 740 00:42:18,786 --> 00:42:20,367 Mrs. Kelly: Ben affleck, really? 741 00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,696 Is he known for his hands? 742 00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:25,657 Ew. Adult city. 743 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,458 That's it. 744 00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:31,254 But, wait. I'm trying to imagine the kind of guy 745 00:42:31,466 --> 00:42:33,878 aunt Carol could possibly date. 746 00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:36,379 He would have to be someone who is, a: 747 00:42:36,596 --> 00:42:39,133 More attractive than aunt Carol, but dumber, 748 00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:41,885 b: Less attractive than aunt Carol, 749 00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:45,218 but funnier, 750 00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:48,271 c: The exact same level of attractiveness, 751 00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:50,098 but shorter, 752 00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:53,936 d: The owner of a really hot car. 753 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,972 Why don't you just take a picture? 754 00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:26,722 So then I can be the weird girl who takes stalker-like photos 755 00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:29,145 and plays with old ladies' undergarments? 756 00:43:29,357 --> 00:43:30,813 You don't know what Hudson likes. 757 00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:32,981 Lots of guys might find that attractive. 758 00:43:33,194 --> 00:43:35,230 - Name one. - Big foot. 759 00:43:37,907 --> 00:43:39,772 Frankenstein. 760 00:43:39,992 --> 00:43:41,277 Big foot! 761 00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:43,826 Hey, Jamie, good morning. 762 00:43:44,038 --> 00:43:45,849 It feels like there's something electric in the air. 763 00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,660 Cute jacket, by the way. 764 00:43:49,919 --> 00:43:51,705 Um, what just happened? 765 00:43:51,921 --> 00:43:53,786 You think she senses I'm her competition 766 00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,041 for the jump-a-thon? 767 00:43:55,258 --> 00:43:56,873 She's trying to get in your brain, Jamie. 768 00:43:57,093 --> 00:43:58,583 Don't let her in there. 769 00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:01,761 Don't let her in! 770 00:44:01,973 --> 00:44:05,261 Class, I thought we'd spice things up a bit. 771 00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:08,092 Today we're making valentines. 772 00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:11,679 But it's, like, four months until Valentine's day. 773 00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:15,266 Well, this is why you're in school... To practice stuff. 774 00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:18,193 Oh, and don't put your name on anything. 775 00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:22,026 Isabella, don't you think Hudson 776 00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:24,700 is the cutest boy in the whole school? 777 00:44:24,912 --> 00:44:27,494 Actually, he's eighth. 778 00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:28,707 What? 779 00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:31,658 I've scientifically ranked all the guys in our school 780 00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:33,038 based on my cuteness scale. 781 00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:35,836 According the science of boy-ology, 782 00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:38,585 Hudson is the eighth-cutest guy in our school. 783 00:44:38,801 --> 00:44:40,792 I've done a very accurate study 784 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,752 which accounts for looks, personality, 785 00:44:42,972 --> 00:44:46,510 physicality and fashion sense. 786 00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:51,431 Eighth is all right with me. 787 00:45:00,072 --> 00:45:02,984 J in first place is Andy Clyde j 788 00:45:03,201 --> 00:45:06,693 j he's got a crush on Claire vanderhyde 789 00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:10,997 j his shirt's always untucked and his shoes are untied j 790 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:15,828 j and whenever he smiles, you get all squirmy inside j 791 00:45:18,591 --> 00:45:21,833 j Brian buxbaum is ♪2 j 792 00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:24,920 j he moved here last year from kalamazoo j 793 00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:28,631 j he used to be in fifth place, but then he grew 794 00:45:28,851 --> 00:45:31,467 j he's just not my type j 795 00:45:31,687 --> 00:45:34,679 j maybe he's for you j 796 00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:42,312 j Hudson rivers is the eighth cutest guy in my school j 797 00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:45,815 j he's a lifeguard in training j 798 00:45:46,035 --> 00:45:49,903 j at the cuteness gene pool j 799 00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,408 j you might say j 800 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,035 j go for one, two or three j 801 00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,208 j I think eight is my fate j 802 00:45:56,420 --> 00:45:59,833 j 'cause he's more than just a number to me j 803 00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:08,884 J the hoffenberg twins are three and four j 804 00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:12,433 j Glenn collects ninjas and Gavin's a bore j 805 00:46:12,645 --> 00:46:15,853 j calder MacMillan holds down the fifth place j 806 00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:20,900 j but I think there's something weird about his face j 807 00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:26,189 j sixth is Josh Chapman, he lives on my block j 808 00:46:26,409 --> 00:46:29,776 j Fred Wells is seventh, he's kind of a jock j 809 00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:33,488 j I could go down the list, say who's in and who's out 810 00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:36,324 j but there's only one name j 811 00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:40,002 j that I care about j 812 00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:45,629 j Hudson rivers is the eighth cutest guy in my school j 813 00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:49,553 j he may not be Einstein j 814 00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:54,099 j but I say he's nobody's fool j 815 00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:55,848 j you might say j 816 00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,099 j go for one, two or three j 817 00:46:58,316 --> 00:46:59,772 j I think eight is my fate j 818 00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:01,724 j he's more than just a number to me j 819 00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:04,276 - others: J you might say j - J just follow your heart 820 00:47:04,488 --> 00:47:06,399 j I khow Hudson and me j 821 00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:09,011 - j are more than the sum of our parts j - Others: I you might say 822 00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:11,276 j go for one, two or three j 823 00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:14,032 j I know eight is my fate j 824 00:47:14,248 --> 00:47:18,287 j he's more than a number to me. J 825 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:36,766 Ah! 826 00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:38,890 I'm ss 0 ry I'm ss 0 rry 827 00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:41,222 Jamie, could I ask you a question? 828 00:47:44,570 --> 00:47:46,526 Why do I feel like I've imagined this before? 829 00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:49,276 I was just wondering why you haven't asked me to sponsor you 830 00:47:49,492 --> 00:47:52,734 - for the jump-a-thon. - You want to sponsor me? 831 00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:56,032 Okay. 832 00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:03,001 Jamie, I love your Valentine. It's perfect. 833 00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:05,375 If Michelangelo and Da Vinci had a baby, 834 00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:08,128 and it was a card, it would look like this. 835 00:48:08,344 --> 00:48:09,959 Mmm! 836 00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,764 - Thanks. - Yeah, sure. 837 00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:26,350 Jamie: Hudson. 838 00:48:26,570 --> 00:48:28,185 Is that you? Hudson. 839 00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:32,235 Did you hear that? 840 00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:34,817 He doesn't think I'm some creepy panty-picker-upper. 841 00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:36,493 Or he finds it attractive. 842 00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:39,196 I'm just sayin'! 843 00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:43,413 Devon: Jamie Kelly. 844 00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,165 Just the girl I wanted to see. 845 00:48:45,381 --> 00:48:47,542 I wanted to let you know, and Isabella, 846 00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:50,966 that because of the success of the juvenile optometry federation, 847 00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:54,170 the town paper wants to come and interview you both. 848 00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:56,005 - No way! - Way. 849 00:48:56,225 --> 00:48:58,386 It's about two girls making a difference, 850 00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,718 taking it upon themselves to think of others. 851 00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:02,303 - We'll be in the paper? - Yes. 852 00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:03,792 - Will there be a picture? - Yep. 853 00:49:03,816 --> 00:49:05,136 - Will it be in color? - Think so. 854 00:49:05,234 --> 00:49:08,226 - Will it be bigger than this? - I don't know. 855 00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:11,779 Can I do a snazzy over-the-shoulder? 856 00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:13,606 Sure. 857 00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:15,991 Yes! 858 00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:17,443 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 859 00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:20,037 all this giving to people is really paying off. 860 00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:23,867 I can even feel myself getting more beautifuller inside. 861 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:29,543 Soon my inner beauty will be so enflamed 862 00:49:29,758 --> 00:49:31,153 that it will rupture through my skin 863 00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:34,965 and spew bubbling squirts of beauty all over the floor 864 00:49:35,181 --> 00:49:39,140 that the janitors will have to clean up with their special throw-up sawdust. 865 00:49:42,897 --> 00:49:45,013 Isn't it magnificent? 866 00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,746 Aunt Carol, isn't this going to be a musical number? 867 00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:05,324 Sorry. Budget cuts. 868 00:50:05,544 --> 00:50:07,660 - Man: What? - Man ♪2: I thought I had a tap solo. 869 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,792 This is ridiculous. I'm... I'm gonna call my agent. 870 00:50:11,008 --> 00:50:12,527 Don't think you're going to get away with this. 871 00:50:12,551 --> 00:50:14,041 This is unprofessional! 872 00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:16,377 This is why I don't do film! 873 00:50:19,558 --> 00:50:22,641 Hey, sweet pea, how was your day? 874 00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:24,309 Fine. 875 00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:31,437 Is that one of stinker's chew toys? 876 00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:33,394 A lot of things look like chew toys. 877 00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,106 Hey, guys, don't wait up. Call if I need you. Love you, bye! 878 00:50:40,162 --> 00:50:41,482 Jamie's voice: And so, dumb diary, 879 00:50:41,664 --> 00:50:43,746 now that I'm beautiful like aunt Carol, 880 00:50:43,958 --> 00:50:45,494 I can understand why men flock to her. 881 00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:49,543 I myself feel like I could stare at my reflection for hours, 882 00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:51,837 lost in the gaze of my own beauty. 883 00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:54,882 It's not weird to check yourself out. 884 00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:56,630 It's not! 885 00:50:58,389 --> 00:50:59,970 Birthday-cake frosting?! 886 00:51:00,182 --> 00:51:03,140 Is that supposed to make the meatloaf more appealing? 887 00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:08,270 - Oh, no. - Isabella: What? 888 00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:12,270 Angeline... she's been grinning at me for two weeks. 889 00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:13,672 Maybe it's some curse she learned 890 00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:15,982 using the flawless reflection of her teeth. 891 00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:18,940 Ruthless with her jedi mind tricks, she is. 892 00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:22,952 - What was that? - Adorable hand wave. 893 00:51:23,163 --> 00:51:26,451 Oh, that's low. Real low. 894 00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:28,703 I don't think you should keep coming to this school 895 00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,230 if she continues this kind of behavior. 896 00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:31,744 Jamie: Oh, no. 897 00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:35,331 She's coming over here with that big old gorgeous smile on her face. 898 00:51:35,551 --> 00:51:38,213 - What do we do? - Be strong, Jamie. 899 00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:42,672 You must resist her evil. 900 00:51:42,891 --> 00:51:45,052 - Jamie! - Ah! 901 00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:49,137 Oh, my gosh! Amazing! 902 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:57,732 I feel like I've been playfully mauled 903 00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,155 by a really sweet grizzly. 904 00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,858 That's a maneuver that could easily kill a person. 905 00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:06,696 Look! It's spreading. 906 00:52:06,915 --> 00:52:08,701 Aunt Carol, no! 907 00:52:10,210 --> 00:52:11,370 That's the move! 908 00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:14,670 Look, she's attempting little tiny stampy stamps. 909 00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,668 She's flipping her hair back and forth, 910 00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,499 or at least trying. 911 00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:22,674 And she's even making that little squealy sound 912 00:52:22,890 --> 00:52:24,050 that makes puppies pee. 913 00:52:24,266 --> 00:52:26,678 Isabella: Definitely gigglecide! 914 00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:28,976 You know, I think it really is the meatloaf. 915 00:52:29,188 --> 00:52:32,931 Do you think the meatloaf is finally making everyone crazy? 916 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,766 Jamie's voice: One can hardly imagine the madness 917 00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:39,524 going on inside the mind of bruntford. 918 00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:44,279 J what is it about school cafeterias j 919 00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:47,953 j that makes the meatloaf so mysterious? J 920 00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:51,908 j gets you hooked like a book by dickens j 921 00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:56,621 j add gray gravy and the plot just thickens j 922 00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,503 - j what magic's in the meat? J - J magic 923 00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,426 j what makes it such a treat to eat? J 924 00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:07,097 j makes you want to move your feet to the beat 925 00:53:07,309 --> 00:53:09,140 j and wiggle and giggle j 926 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:12,390 women: J what magic's in the meat? J 927 00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:16,394 - j what happens in that oven j - J magic j 928 00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:21,229 j that turns 'em into meatloaf-lovin' fools like me? J 929 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:25,782 j it's a meatloaf mystery... j 930 00:53:25,994 --> 00:53:27,404 yum. 931 00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:31,830 J don't you dare question my strange ingredient j 932 00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:35,955 j my recipe demands obedience j 933 00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,832 j you know you're hungry j 934 00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:39,788 j don't try to fight it j 935 00:53:40,008 --> 00:53:43,466 j you're gonna eat it and you're gonna like it j 936 00:53:43,679 --> 00:53:48,093 - j what is that secret flavor j - J magic 937 00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:51,391 j that makes you want to squeeze your neighbor? J 938 00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:55,596 j can't you see it's a meatloaf mystery? J 939 00:53:55,816 --> 00:53:57,647 j don't touch that broccoli j 940 00:53:57,860 --> 00:53:59,646 j not so hasty j 941 00:53:59,862 --> 00:54:01,568 j come try a bite of me j 942 00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:03,145 j mmm, you know I'm tasty j 943 00:54:03,365 --> 00:54:07,984 - j what magic's in the meat? J - J magic 944 00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:10,990 j what makes it such a treat to eat? J 945 00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:14,698 j makes you want to move your feet to the beat j 946 00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:16,454 j and wiggle and giggle... j 947 00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:19,707 j what magic's in the meat? J 948 00:54:19,923 --> 00:54:22,790 - j what happens in that oven j - J magic j 949 00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:28,425 j that turns 'em into meatloaf-lovin' fools j 950 00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,505 j like me? J 951 00:54:30,726 --> 00:54:37,723 j it's a meatloaf mystery j 952 00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:41,980 j magic in the meat j 953 00:54:42,988 --> 00:54:45,946 Jamie! Jamie, eat your meatloaf! 954 00:54:46,158 --> 00:54:49,571 If you're not going to eat it, then I will. 955 00:54:51,497 --> 00:54:52,953 Hmm! 956 00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:58,371 Call 9-1... 957 00:55:00,088 --> 00:55:01,544 Isabella: Wait a minute. 958 00:55:01,757 --> 00:55:04,999 The office ladies are here, 959 00:55:05,219 --> 00:55:08,711 which means the office is empty. 960 00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:12,719 If any permanent record wanted to disappear forever, 961 00:55:12,935 --> 00:55:15,392 now would sure be a great time. 962 00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:17,936 Oh. 963 00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:23,225 Woman: This is ridiculous. 964 00:55:23,445 --> 00:55:25,731 Devon: Well, Holly, I have feelings for you. 965 00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:28,030 They're just the wrong ones, I guess. 966 00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:29,903 - === - Holly: I can't believe this. 967 00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,609 There was a lot of time and effort that was put into that. 968 00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:35,367 - Um, what, the Valentine? - Holly: Yes! 969 00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:38,415 - It's a beautiful Valentine. - Yes, it is. It's got glitter. 970 00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:41,147 Holly, acceptance is seeing with your heart, not with your eyes. 971 00:55:41,213 --> 00:55:43,454 Oh! I don't want to talk about it. 972 00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:45,460 - Holly, don't take it personally. - Don't! 973 00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:48,258 Holly, the road to success is always paved with destruction! 974 00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:50,176 Holly: Stop it! No! 975 00:56:05,988 --> 00:56:10,448 Jamie's voice: Wait. That's the Valentine I made. 976 00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:13,617 Dan. How about lunch. Miss Anderson. 977 00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,962 Stinker. 978 00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:30,918 They say guilt can make you do strange things. 979 00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:36,431 Who knew putting yourself in a candy coma 980 00:56:36,643 --> 00:56:38,725 would be one of them? 981 00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:45,857 I can't tell if I feel sick 982 00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:50,233 because I stole Angeline's record 983 00:56:50,449 --> 00:56:54,613 or because I just at 10 chocolate bars in a row. 984 00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:58,369 Fine, 32. 985 00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:01,289 Hey, Jamie, I know... 986 00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,037 Wow, okay. 987 00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,584 Okay. 988 00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:07,663 I know that you are doing some serious jump-rope training 989 00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:11,421 and fundraising, and I get that it may be stressing you out. 990 00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:14,219 But you really need to clean your room. 991 00:57:14,431 --> 00:57:17,969 We are having a little party here for aunt Carol on Saturday night 992 00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:20,267 and we need this to be the coat room. 993 00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:22,265 And I am afraid 994 00:57:22,481 --> 00:57:25,143 that there may be things alive 995 00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,839 under this pile of... 996 00:57:26,902 --> 00:57:30,360 What?! Jamie! Whaaa! 997 00:57:30,572 --> 00:57:32,563 Thanks for the support. 998 00:57:36,078 --> 00:57:38,820 No more chocolate! 999 00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:49,246 Stinker, have you seen my dumb diary anywhere? 1000 00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:52,253 I should have excavated down to it by now. 1001 00:57:55,931 --> 00:57:57,922 Where is it? 1002 00:58:13,865 --> 00:58:15,776 No. No. No. 1003 00:58:18,161 --> 00:58:19,822 Ew! 1004 00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:42,549 I still feel sick. 1005 00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:44,259 Jamie's high voice: Jamie. 1006 00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:45,719 Do you want to feel sick, 1007 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,021 sick of yourself for the rest of your life? 1008 00:58:48,233 --> 00:58:50,461 Jamie's low voice: Do you ever think you'll stop feeling sick 1009 00:58:50,485 --> 00:58:52,726 until Angeline's gone for good? 1010 00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,608 There's something wrong with your little floating doughnut. 1011 00:58:55,824 --> 00:58:57,439 It's a halo, stupid! 1012 00:58:57,659 --> 00:58:59,650 Guys, the record! 1013 00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:03,203 High voice: Don't do it, Jamie. You don't know the consequences. 1014 00:59:03,415 --> 00:59:06,122 What if you're forced to wear stripes in prison? 1015 00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:07,824 Horizontal stripes! 1016 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:09,125 So unflattering! 1017 00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:10,622 Go away. 1018 00:59:23,935 --> 00:59:25,471 Oh! Isabella! 1019 00:59:25,687 --> 00:59:26,972 Isabella. 1020 00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:28,929 I feel like my inner beauty might be fading. 1021 00:59:29,149 --> 00:59:30,668 We need to go around and raise more money 1022 00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:32,523 for the juvenile optometry federation. 1023 00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:35,853 Um, well, we don't have to anymore. 1024 00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:39,941 See, I sent them all the money and now they have enough. 1025 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,570 What? 1026 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,991 We totally filled up an entire charity? 1027 00:59:48,418 --> 00:59:51,501 Isabella! Isabella! 1028 00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:55,213 What happened to your eyes? 1029 00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:58,508 They're green, like jelly beans. 1030 00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,711 I got contacts. Cool, huh? 1031 01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:02,796 Where'd you get the money for contacts? 1032 01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,972 The juvenile optometry federation. 1033 01:00:05,185 --> 01:00:06,846 Plus I had a few bucks saved up. 1034 01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,559 Forget the signature lip-gloss flavor. 1035 01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:14,061 Now it's my eyes that everyone will notice. 1036 01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:16,563 Isabella, what about all the inner beauty 1037 01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:17,780 we worked so hard for? 1038 01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:20,275 Look, they're in my eyes, right? 1039 01:00:20,492 --> 01:00:23,529 And they're beautiful. Bang... inner beauty. 1040 01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:27,283 They didn't have the tinted ones, so I colored them in myself. 1041 01:00:27,499 --> 01:00:29,785 I may have used a little bit too much green marker 1042 01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,458 and I... I might have wrecked the left one. 1043 01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:35,955 Mommy. 1044 01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:39,291 - You faked a charity! - And you helped me. 1045 01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:42,218 Right, so if I rat you out, I'll be in as much trouble as you. 1046 01:00:43,723 --> 01:00:45,304 We faked the principal, 1047 01:00:45,517 --> 01:00:48,384 which is like faking out the president! 1048 01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,764 But when you say it like that, it sounds bad! 1049 01:00:50,981 --> 01:00:52,542 They're supposed to interview us next week. 1050 01:00:52,566 --> 01:00:54,086 - What are we gonna do? - I don't know. 1051 01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:55,849 Lie in print, to the whole city? 1052 01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:57,338 What kind of supportive friend are you? 1053 01:00:57,362 --> 01:01:01,446 - Me?! You lied, Isabella! - I don't need this, Jamie! 1054 01:01:08,456 --> 01:01:10,412 No. No. To the right. No. Your other right. 1055 01:01:11,918 --> 01:01:14,330 So much for my over-the-shoulder shot. 1056 01:01:23,138 --> 01:01:26,175 Devon: Bottom line, Isabella is selfish. 1057 01:01:26,391 --> 01:01:28,473 You don't want to end up like that. 1058 01:01:36,985 --> 01:01:39,146 Hey! 1059 01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:41,648 Did you hear they might stop serving meatloaf 1060 01:01:41,865 --> 01:01:43,105 since it poisoned bruntford? 1061 01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:46,491 Looks like now they're serving... 1062 01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,444 What do you old people eat, anyway? 1063 01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:52,997 - Uh, beef stew and noodles. - Bran muffins. 1064 01:01:53,210 --> 01:01:55,747 - Yeah! That's what they have. - No! 1065 01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:57,042 Jamie's voice: I've learned 1066 01:01:57,214 --> 01:02:00,547 that it's really not that hard to fool adults. 1067 01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:04,923 And this is in no way comforting to us kids. 1068 01:02:35,418 --> 01:02:37,830 Hey, guys, check this out. 1069 01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:39,502 Why not? 1070 01:02:43,343 --> 01:02:46,551 Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly too cute for me. 1071 01:02:46,763 --> 01:02:49,379 I'm right on the edge of adorable." 1072 01:02:49,599 --> 01:02:51,464 Boy: Oh, my gosh! 1073 01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:54,848 "But if I'm really really lucky and keep my fingers crossed, 1074 01:02:55,063 --> 01:02:57,054 he could become mildly disfigured.” 1075 01:02:59,567 --> 01:03:02,479 "Then Hudson and I would be on the same level!" 1076 01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:09,570 Hey, can I see that? 1077 01:03:15,542 --> 01:03:17,282 It's you! 1078 01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:20,369 You're so upbeat and encouraging. What is it you always say? 1079 01:03:20,588 --> 01:03:22,124 - "We're all in this to..." - Sorry. 1080 01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:25,503 You're on your own, "cupcake." 1081 01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:35,013 Hey, honey, sorry you're not feeling well. 1082 01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:38,724 I can't believe I did the right thing. 1083 01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:41,431 Whatever made me feel like I should do the right thing? 1084 01:03:41,651 --> 01:03:43,892 What's that? 1085 01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:45,693 Nothing. 1086 01:03:45,905 --> 01:03:48,112 I just need to go home and lie down. 1087 01:03:51,995 --> 01:03:56,830 Dear dumb piece of paper, 1088 01:03:57,042 --> 01:03:59,954 I'm writing to you instead of my diary 1089 01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:04,254 because my diary has been stolen. 1090 01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:07,461 Of course you understand 1091 01:04:07,677 --> 01:04:11,386 that I am de-stroyed! 1092 01:04:11,598 --> 01:04:13,463 I don't think 1093 01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:17,016 I'll ever be able to return to school again... 1094 01:04:18,563 --> 01:04:23,398 Unless I get extreme plastic surgery 1095 01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:26,067 so no one will recognize me. 1096 01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:28,019 But considering 1097 01:04:28,239 --> 01:04:30,150 my mom won't even buy me a cell phone, 1098 01:04:30,367 --> 01:04:33,128 I don't know how I'm going to get her to spring for plastic surgery... 1099 01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:38,489 Just because I'm too embarrassed to be myself at school. 1100 01:04:38,708 --> 01:04:43,543 And in case my children are reading this years from now, 1101 01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,337 this is the exact moment 1102 01:04:46,549 --> 01:04:48,505 that Angeline ruined any chance 1103 01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:51,835 of everlasting love between your father and me. 1104 01:04:52,055 --> 01:04:55,673 And it's her fault your last name is "buttalington" 1105 01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:58,929 or something lame like that. 1106 01:05:01,523 --> 01:05:03,559 The future. 1107 01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:08,981 I wonder if when I'm older, 1108 01:05:09,197 --> 01:05:11,563 any of this will even matter. 1109 01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:20,956 So what if middle-school Jamie is a total loser? 1110 01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:23,533 It's not gonna be that way for future Jamie. 1111 01:05:32,804 --> 01:05:34,920 J dear future Jamie j 1112 01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:37,176 j it's me, I mean it's you j 1113 01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:39,053 j only younger j 1114 01:05:39,269 --> 01:05:43,638 j do you remember how complicated life used to be j 1115 01:05:43,857 --> 01:05:46,940 j when everything seemed so unfair? J 1116 01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:50,565 j but you don't care anymore, do you? J 1117 01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,941 j what with your fabulous career j 1118 01:05:53,158 --> 01:05:55,365 j as United States ambassador j 1119 01:05:55,577 --> 01:05:58,614 j and your movie-star boyfriend j 1120 01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:02,789 j and I bet you never shed a single tear for me j 1121 01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:05,083 j Jamie of the past j 1122 01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:07,251 j 'cause you grew up really fast j 1123 01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,125 j like your new scooter j 1124 01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:13,834 j so how's the weather in Bermuda? J 1125 01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:16,169 j dear future Jamie j 1126 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:18,220 j just look at you now j 1127 01:06:18,433 --> 01:06:19,889 j in your big beach house j 1128 01:06:20,101 --> 01:06:21,762 j with your personal staff j 1129 01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:24,765 j and have you ever told them that old story j 1130 01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:27,472 j 'bout how they stole your diary fromme j 1131 01:06:27,692 --> 01:06:30,650 j oh boy, I bet that gets a good laugh j 1132 01:06:30,862 --> 01:06:33,478 j but that was long before you won the Oscar j 1133 01:06:33,698 --> 01:06:35,188 j and the nobel prize j 1134 01:06:35,408 --> 01:06:37,649 j and started saving Sunday afternoons 1135 01:06:37,869 --> 01:06:39,700 j for family joyrides j 1136 01:06:39,913 --> 01:06:42,950 j in your environmentally-friendly convertible car j 1137 01:06:43,166 --> 01:06:46,408 j just chillin' with your totally hot husband j 1138 01:06:46,628 --> 01:06:49,995 j and your genius children j 1139 01:06:50,215 --> 01:06:54,504 j guess by now you've found the cure for aids or cancer j 1140 01:06:54,719 --> 01:06:58,837 j maybe you're a ballet or a belly dancer 1141 01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,888 j you're probably an astronaut j 1142 01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:03,466 j the first to walk on Mars j 1143 01:07:03,686 --> 01:07:09,022 j maybe you're in Hollywood among the movie stars j 1144 01:07:09,234 --> 01:07:11,816 j you are so beautiful j 1145 01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:13,734 j dear future Jamie j 1146 01:07:13,947 --> 01:07:17,986 j you really light up a room when you walk in j 1147 01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:20,817 j and people like you and they listen j 1148 01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,198 j and they notice when you're missin' 1149 01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:28,625 j 'cause your everybody's favorite friend j 1150 01:07:31,548 --> 01:07:33,880 don't you know you're all of those things already? 1151 01:07:37,178 --> 01:07:40,011 This turned up at school today. 1152 01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:44,136 Don't tell me you know all about my public humiliation too. 1153 01:07:44,352 --> 01:07:46,183 That bad, huh? 1154 01:07:53,778 --> 01:07:56,565 - I understand. - No, you don't. 1155 01:07:56,781 --> 01:07:59,864 - You were basically born cool. - Oh, really? 1156 01:08:00,076 --> 01:08:02,276 You think I haven't been through something so mortifying 1157 01:08:02,370 --> 01:08:04,410 that I thought my only option was to have my parents 1158 01:08:04,455 --> 01:08:06,366 buy me my own private island? 1159 01:08:06,583 --> 01:08:08,824 Seventh grade... 1160 01:08:09,043 --> 01:08:11,580 And my brief but 1161 01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:14,128 torrid romance with Lex steel. 1162 01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:17,173 Oh, he was so handsome. 1163 01:08:17,385 --> 01:08:20,843 He and I had been passing notes for three weeks in english class. 1164 01:08:21,055 --> 01:08:24,468 And the tension between us had become unbearable. 1165 01:08:28,771 --> 01:08:32,434 Somehow I knew it was all coming to a head 1166 01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:35,312 at the St. Martha's Valentine's day dance. 1167 01:08:35,528 --> 01:08:39,191 Well, I was so nervous, I couldn't stop eating. 1168 01:08:39,407 --> 01:08:43,070 Basically everything on the snack table went in my mouth. 1169 01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,653 I mean everything. 1170 01:08:48,499 --> 01:08:50,490 I mean, to this day, 1171 01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:54,294 I can feel my heart beating in my throat 1172 01:08:54,505 --> 01:08:58,418 when I saw him cross the floor to tell me how he felt about me. 1173 01:08:58,635 --> 01:08:59,635 What'd he say?! 1174 01:08:59,844 --> 01:09:01,129 He said something like... 1175 01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:05,510 Hey, Carol, I think you're righteous. 1176 01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:08,011 Wanna dance to the next Bryan Adams song with me? 1177 01:09:08,227 --> 01:09:10,058 I was completely overwhelmed. 1178 01:09:10,271 --> 01:09:13,855 Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. 1179 01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:18,026 There was just one thing to do. 1180 01:09:18,237 --> 01:09:20,899 I threw up on Lex. 1181 01:09:21,115 --> 01:09:24,198 Ew, no no no! Puke! My imagination can't handle it. 1182 01:09:24,410 --> 01:09:28,278 Let me think about something else. Storybooks, glitter... 1183 01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:31,205 Oh, I got it... gummy bears! Keep on going. 1184 01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:37,411 Then I threw up in the punch bowl. 1185 01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:42,884 Then I threw up all over these delicious chocolate muffins. 1186 01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:45,633 That's horrible. 1187 01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:46,963 Horrible. 1188 01:09:47,183 --> 01:09:49,640 Then you guys got together, right? 1189 01:09:49,852 --> 01:09:51,433 No, not really. 1190 01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,682 But the next guy was even better? 1191 01:09:53,898 --> 01:09:57,356 No, the next couple after were pretty much creeps. 1192 01:09:57,568 --> 01:10:00,435 Eventually everybody finds someone, right? 1193 01:10:00,655 --> 01:10:05,274 No, I have a cousin who's basically alone and old and crusty. 1194 01:10:05,493 --> 01:10:07,029 Lots of cats. 1195 01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:11,116 So basically you're saying that love is painful and embarrassing. 1196 01:10:11,332 --> 01:10:12,617 Yes. 1197 01:10:12,834 --> 01:10:16,326 And also the best thing in the world. 1198 01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:18,286 And you're gonna do it anyway, 1199 01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:22,294 so you might as well stop fighting it and just enjoy it. 1200 01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:23,590 Hmm. 1201 01:10:27,306 --> 01:10:28,637 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 1202 01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:31,842 tomorrow, as you know, is the dumb jump-a-thon. 1203 01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:35,724 I really don't know if I should show my face. 1204 01:10:35,940 --> 01:10:38,977 But what if aunt Carol is right 1205 01:10:39,193 --> 01:10:42,401 and life is just a series of embarrassing stories? 1206 01:10:44,031 --> 01:10:45,817 Then I might as well go for it anyway. 1207 01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,319 And who knows what could happen? 1208 01:11:04,677 --> 01:11:06,258 Hyah! 1209 01:11:08,139 --> 01:11:10,972 Jamie's voice: Okay, no ninjas. 1210 01:11:11,184 --> 01:11:13,345 Actually, surprisingly normal. 1211 01:11:17,523 --> 01:11:19,809 Ahh! 1212 01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:22,108 Jamie's voice: Let's check out the competition. 1213 01:11:34,248 --> 01:11:35,738 Hi, Hudson! 1214 01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:07,937 Are you okay? 1215 01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:10,443 I can't do it. 1216 01:12:11,744 --> 01:12:13,109 What? 1217 01:12:14,622 --> 01:12:16,704 I can't jump a rope by myself. 1218 01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:19,578 And look... my pledge sheets. 1219 01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:22,752 There must be 300 names on here. 1220 01:12:22,964 --> 01:12:24,420 That's just the first page. 1221 01:12:24,632 --> 01:12:27,089 I made a big push for sponsors this weekend. 1222 01:12:27,301 --> 01:12:29,337 All this money. 1223 01:12:29,554 --> 01:12:33,968 And I'm gonna blow it for the school 'cause I can't jump a stupid rope. 1224 01:12:39,564 --> 01:12:40,804 Wait. 1225 01:12:41,023 --> 01:12:44,481 Did she say "the school"? 1226 01:12:44,694 --> 01:12:47,686 No, no, no, not the school. 1227 01:12:47,905 --> 01:12:50,112 Why'd she have to mention the school? 1228 01:12:50,324 --> 01:12:54,237 If I let Angeline fail, it would be a huge loss for this school. 1229 01:12:54,453 --> 01:12:57,115 No one else had near as many sponsors. 1230 01:12:57,331 --> 01:13:00,823 Without this money, think of what might happen. 1231 01:13:02,837 --> 01:13:05,203 The marching band could be cut down to one person 1232 01:13:05,423 --> 01:13:06,423 with a kazoo. 1233 01:13:07,717 --> 01:13:10,880 They might have to stop giving teachers free coffee. 1234 01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:13,882 But the most devastating thing of all 1235 01:13:14,098 --> 01:13:16,464 was losing the art program. 1236 01:13:16,684 --> 01:13:21,428 Not just for me, but for all the kids that might not get the chance 1237 01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:23,638 to express their inner awesomeness. 1238 01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:27,271 I guess I know I'm just letting everybody down. 1239 01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:28,942 And with that one sentence, 1240 01:13:29,155 --> 01:13:31,396 she made my inner beauty squirt out of me 1241 01:13:31,616 --> 01:13:36,326 till I was standing in a puddle of my own loveliness. 1242 01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,902 I got it! 1243 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:44,291 Coach Dover, do jumpers have to hold the ropes themselves 1244 01:13:44,503 --> 01:13:46,869 - or can they just jump it? - All right, let's check. 1245 01:13:47,089 --> 01:13:48,289 'Cause if they had to hold it, 1246 01:13:48,341 --> 01:13:50,297 it wouldn't be fair to people with no hands, 1247 01:13:50,509 --> 01:13:53,125 - like pirates, right? - Uh, "length of rope... 1248 01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:55,257 Natural versus nylon fiber..." Huh. 1249 01:13:55,473 --> 01:13:57,213 Um, okay, "peg legs..." Oh, here we go. 1250 01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:00,345 The jumper only has to jump. Somebody else can twirl the rope. 1251 01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:02,472 Isabella! 1252 01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:07,103 Isabella, I need you to help me twirl the rope for Angeline. 1253 01:14:07,318 --> 01:14:09,229 She has way more pledges than I ever had. 1254 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,560 Don't care. 1255 01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,487 It's the right thing to do for the sake of the school. 1256 01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,985 Forget it. 1257 01:14:17,411 --> 01:14:20,778 Isabella, either you do this or I'll tell your parents 1258 01:14:20,998 --> 01:14:22,798 how you got the money for your contact lenses. 1259 01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:26,497 Then you'll be grounded until you graduate from college! 1260 01:14:30,341 --> 01:14:32,502 I'm just moved. 1261 01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:35,755 After all these years, you've finally learned something from me. 1262 01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:37,928 Blackmail? 1263 01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:41,974 Now if I say yes, will you get your butt off my chest? 1264 01:14:42,186 --> 01:14:43,847 Oh, yeah. 1265 01:14:46,440 --> 01:14:48,280 Jamie's voice: Angeline jumped for a long time. 1266 01:14:48,401 --> 01:14:50,983 This was probably going to be her biggest jackpot yet, 1267 01:14:51,195 --> 01:14:54,779 and her beauty and fame were going to skyrocket. 1268 01:14:54,991 --> 01:14:57,573 I was furious and delighted at the same time. 1269 01:14:57,785 --> 01:14:59,821 Hey, Angeline, how come you can only jump this way? 1270 01:15:00,037 --> 01:15:02,265 'Cause I need both hands to keep the hair out of my eyes. 1271 01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:03,850 You could put it in a ponytail, you know. 1272 01:15:03,874 --> 01:15:06,581 Oh, yeah, good one. 1273 01:15:06,794 --> 01:15:09,957 And the winner of the first-ever district jump-a-thon 1274 01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:12,834 is mackerel's very own Angeline! 1275 01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,388 My arms are killing me. 1276 01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:27,345 I feel like I have a Charley horse on my shoulder. 1277 01:15:27,565 --> 01:15:29,851 I feel like I have a Charley horse on my heart. 1278 01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,523 I can't believe I helped Angeline 1279 01:15:31,736 --> 01:15:33,852 after she read my diary in the cafeteria. 1280 01:15:34,071 --> 01:15:36,813 Cafeteria? You don't know what happened? 1281 01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:40,859 Isabella: Well, I couldn't see where I was going 1282 01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,911 and I ended up making a circle 1283 01:15:44,123 --> 01:15:47,286 just in time to find myself at the table behind Angeline and her friends. 1284 01:15:47,501 --> 01:15:50,493 Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly too cute for me. 1285 01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:54,251 I'm right on the edge of adorable." 1286 01:15:54,467 --> 01:15:57,630 Isabella: I'd heard that phrase before because you had said it to me. 1287 01:15:57,845 --> 01:15:59,836 So therefore I knew it was your diary. 1288 01:16:00,056 --> 01:16:03,093 Boy: "Then Hudson and I would be on the same level." 1289 01:16:03,309 --> 01:16:05,345 Boys: Oh! 1290 01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:07,722 Isabella: Then I heard... 1291 01:16:07,938 --> 01:16:09,394 Hey, can I see that? 1292 01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:19,105 Oh, this is my cousin Jenny's diary. 1293 01:16:19,325 --> 01:16:22,442 Uh, Hudson Johnson. That's who she's talking about. 1294 01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:24,492 Jenny goes to weeks middle school. 1295 01:16:24,705 --> 01:16:27,788 She's gonna be so glad that I found this. 1296 01:16:30,044 --> 01:16:31,830 She didn't rat me out. 1297 01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:37,506 But that doesn't make any sense. 1298 01:16:37,718 --> 01:16:39,879 Then why isn't Hudson talking to me? 1299 01:16:40,888 --> 01:16:42,532 Isabella stepped on my throat 1300 01:16:42,556 --> 01:16:44,092 while I was doing my warm-up stretches. 1301 01:16:44,308 --> 01:16:47,175 I... I didn't see him lying there. 1302 01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:54,841 It was really cool of you guys to help out Angeline that way. 1303 01:16:54,944 --> 01:16:56,264 You guys really saved the school. 1304 01:16:56,403 --> 01:16:59,611 Probably. Yeah. Whole lotta probably. 1305 01:16:59,824 --> 01:17:03,237 A ton! Difficult to measure, really. Infinitely! 1306 01:17:03,452 --> 01:17:07,536 Jamie, there's something I feel that I have to say. 1307 01:17:07,748 --> 01:17:10,364 What is it, Hudson? 1308 01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:15,710 Taste a little blood in my mouth. 1309 01:17:15,923 --> 01:17:17,959 Me too, Hudson! I always have. 1310 01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,175 What? 1311 01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:21,421 I think Isabella really hurt my throat. 1312 01:17:21,637 --> 01:17:23,719 I should go see the nurse. 1313 01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:28,049 Ah! He is so into me! 1314 01:17:29,436 --> 01:17:31,552 Jamie's voice: Remember that little get-together 1315 01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:34,809 my aunt Carol was having? Guess what that meant. 1316 01:17:35,025 --> 01:17:38,609 Actual teachers in my actual house. 1317 01:17:40,030 --> 01:17:42,362 Seeing a live teacher in your own home 1318 01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:45,612 is like seeing a live orangutan in your own home. 1319 01:17:45,828 --> 01:17:48,035 You just don't know how to react. 1320 01:17:48,247 --> 01:17:51,535 Miss Palmer was wearing a dress. 1321 01:17:51,750 --> 01:17:53,331 It was actually kind of flattering. 1322 01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:57,378 She looked like a nice couch tipped on its edge. 1323 01:17:57,590 --> 01:18:01,208 And coach Dover? Turns out his real name is... 1324 01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:02,542 - Ben. - That's right. 1325 01:18:02,761 --> 01:18:05,298 Ben Dover! Can you believe it? 1326 01:18:05,514 --> 01:18:07,505 Aunt Carol, careful! Watch where you're... 1327 01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:10,101 Going. 1328 01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:12,643 Jamie's voice: I could hardly stand it. 1329 01:18:12,855 --> 01:18:16,439 It was one of those awesomely horrible types of kisses 1330 01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:19,608 that is super gross and super excellent at the same time, 1331 01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:23,563 like two people trying to chew one piece of gum. 1332 01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:25,397 Devon's aunt Carol's mystery man? 1333 01:18:25,618 --> 01:18:27,825 That explains the big smooch. 1334 01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:32,656 I guess lots of women are attracted to men with power. 1335 01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,740 Voldemort. 1336 01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:37,451 - What was that? - Nothing. 1337 01:18:37,671 --> 01:18:41,459 So what happened to your contacts? 1338 01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:44,712 It was so weird. I couldn't see anything with them on. 1339 01:18:44,929 --> 01:18:48,092 Hey, guys, I'm supposed to tell you that Mrs. Anderson couldn't join us. 1340 01:18:48,307 --> 01:18:49,467 She isn't feeling well. 1341 01:18:49,683 --> 01:18:51,043 Angeline, what are you doing here? 1342 01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:53,387 I'm so glad you're here, Angeline. You're just in time. 1343 01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:57,062 I have a little announcement to make. 1344 01:18:57,274 --> 01:18:59,515 I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Devon. 1345 01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,568 Carol and I are engaged! 1346 01:19:02,780 --> 01:19:06,648 Congratulations, uncle Dan. 1347 01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:09,654 Uncle Dan?! Wait. 1348 01:19:09,870 --> 01:19:14,739 Does this mean Angeline and I are going to be related? 1349 01:19:14,959 --> 01:19:17,075 I think it makes you second cousins. 1350 01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:19,080 Or third. 1351 01:19:19,296 --> 01:19:22,379 Ah, I'm really not sure how it works. 1352 01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:29,587 Jamie's voice: Angeline knew about this the whole time 1353 01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:32,264 and was taking some sick delight in it. 1354 01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:34,683 Maybe Angeline's not all bad. 1355 01:19:34,895 --> 01:19:37,386 But do I still have to be related to her?! 1356 01:19:46,198 --> 01:19:48,359 Jamie's voice: It was as though nobody on earth 1357 01:19:48,575 --> 01:19:53,319 could fully grasp the tragedy of me being related to Angeline... 1358 01:19:54,331 --> 01:19:56,993 Except maybe stinker. 1359 01:20:03,924 --> 01:20:06,027 - Oh, that is worse than my meatloaf! - Jamie: Stinker! 1360 01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,793 That is worse than my meatloaf! 1361 01:20:09,013 --> 01:20:12,380 Ahh! Oh oh oh! 1362 01:20:12,599 --> 01:20:14,089 Are you kidding?! 1363 01:20:14,310 --> 01:20:17,552 Jamie's voice: He had been saving one massive fart up 1364 01:20:17,771 --> 01:20:19,181 the whole time. 1365 01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:21,389 Devon: I can taste it! 1366 01:20:21,608 --> 01:20:25,476 Vandoy: What was that?! 1367 01:20:25,696 --> 01:20:29,780 I guess we forgot to ask stinker if he wanted guests over. 1368 01:20:32,661 --> 01:20:33,901 That was terrible. 1369 01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:37,204 Jamie's voice: Look at these people. 1370 01:20:37,416 --> 01:20:39,256 I guess it's good to know that when you grow up 1371 01:20:39,460 --> 01:20:41,200 into a mature, polite adult, 1372 01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:43,877 you don't actually become mature or polite, 1373 01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,920 or an adult. 1374 01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:53,087 I wanted to say thanks for covering for me in the cafeteria. 1375 01:20:53,307 --> 01:20:55,593 I didn't read your diary, you know. 1376 01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:57,549 Oh, I know that. 1377 01:20:57,770 --> 01:20:59,886 I mean, thanks. 1378 01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,936 Thank you for helping me with the jump-a-thon. 1379 01:21:02,149 --> 01:21:04,356 I wouldn't have raised a single dollar without you. 1380 01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:06,684 And because of that, 1381 01:21:06,904 --> 01:21:09,520 it looks like we won't lose the art program at all. 1382 01:21:09,740 --> 01:21:10,740 Really?! 1383 01:21:10,949 --> 01:21:12,260 I'll have to mention that to the newspaper 1384 01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:14,195 when they do their article on you on Monday. 1385 01:21:14,411 --> 01:21:15,867 Oh, yeah. 1386 01:21:16,080 --> 01:21:18,287 The article. 1387 01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,952 Isabella: Assistant principal Devon, 1388 01:21:24,171 --> 01:21:28,084 meet the recipients of the juvenile optometry federation. 1389 01:21:28,300 --> 01:21:29,980 Jamie's voice: I know what you're thinking. 1390 01:21:30,052 --> 01:21:32,088 And no, we didn't hire these kids. 1391 01:21:32,304 --> 01:21:34,090 We found real students that needed glasses 1392 01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:36,217 by talking to our school counselor. 1393 01:21:36,433 --> 01:21:39,425 We got so good at raising money, we just raised a little more. 1394 01:21:39,645 --> 01:21:42,478 Isabella's mom even gave us a big donation 1395 01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:44,805 from Isabella's allowance fund. 1396 01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:48,392 And now juvenile optometry federation is a real charity. 1397 01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:50,648 - It was my idea. - Jamie's voice: And it was. 1398 01:21:58,288 --> 01:22:01,325 Look how charitably foxy we look. 1399 01:22:01,542 --> 01:22:03,248 That's me! 1400 01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:10,418 Maybe we all have inner beauty. 1401 01:22:10,634 --> 01:22:12,590 Is that possible? 1402 01:22:19,059 --> 01:22:21,266 Even the girls who fake charities, 1403 01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:25,895 and the underpants-strewing beagles, 1404 01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:30,271 and the meatloaf makers... 1405 01:22:30,487 --> 01:22:31,943 Even the pencil-eaters, 1406 01:22:32,156 --> 01:22:35,899 and the moms who cook things that could possibly poison you. 1407 01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:40,907 And even the girls with tons of outer beauty. 1408 01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:43,535 Maybe they do. 1409 01:22:43,750 --> 01:22:45,866 Maybe we all do. 1410 01:22:47,754 --> 01:22:50,791 And sometimes you think you need colored contact lenses, 1411 01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:52,873 or tricked-out jump-a-thons, 1412 01:22:53,093 --> 01:22:56,426 or some boy's attention to make you think you shine. 1413 01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:03,726 But like a wretched dog fart in the middle of an engagement party, 1414 01:23:03,937 --> 01:23:08,727 beauty usually just comes bubbling up when you least expect it. 1415 01:23:08,942 --> 01:23:11,103 Thanks for listening, dumb diary. 1416 01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:15,395 Hello? 1417 01:23:15,616 --> 01:23:18,323 Angeline, I'm so glad you called. 1418 01:23:18,535 --> 01:23:20,150 I have something major to tell you. 1419 01:23:20,370 --> 01:23:23,862 I accidentally stole your school record. 1420 01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:27,245 I returned it, but I swear I didn't read a single word. 1421 01:23:27,461 --> 01:23:29,702 OMG! 1422 01:23:29,922 --> 01:23:32,038 That record could destroy me. 1423 01:23:32,257 --> 01:23:33,997 You would not believe what's in there. 1424 01:23:34,218 --> 01:23:36,800 Anyway, I just called to say 1425 01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:39,048 that even though we're gonna be cousins, 1426 01:23:39,264 --> 01:23:41,596 Hudson is still my date to the wedding. 1427 01:23:41,808 --> 01:23:43,673 Toodles! 1428 01:23:45,521 --> 01:23:47,762 Uh... 1429 01:23:56,490 --> 01:23:59,027 This is your life too! Get up and dance. 1430 01:24:00,494 --> 01:24:02,735 J hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you j 1431 01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:07,372 j my your parents be haunted and the fun continue j 1432 01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:11,126 j is that your lip gloss that I smell? J 1433 01:24:13,131 --> 01:24:15,292 j may the watermelon flavor serve you well j 1434 01:24:21,682 --> 01:24:24,515 J and I just want to say j 1435 01:24:24,726 --> 01:24:28,844 j just want to say thanks for listening j 1436 01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:33,023 j and I just want to say j 1437 01:24:33,235 --> 01:24:37,569 j just want to say thanks for listening j 1438 01:24:37,781 --> 01:24:42,491 j and at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me j 1439 01:24:42,703 --> 01:24:46,070 j and I just want to say thanks for listening j 1440 01:24:51,503 --> 01:24:53,459 J hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you j 1441 01:24:55,257 --> 01:24:57,964 j may you always outlive the cafeteria menu j 1442 01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:02,006 j I've been told that life ain't fair j 1443 01:25:03,765 --> 01:25:06,347 j but I really really wish I had perfect hair j 1444 01:25:12,357 --> 01:25:15,394 J and I just want to say j 1445 01:25:15,611 --> 01:25:19,775 j just want to say thanks for listening j 1446 01:25:21,116 --> 01:25:24,233 j and I just want to say j 1447 01:25:24,453 --> 01:25:26,819 j just want to say j 1448 01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:29,246 j thanks for listening j 1449 01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:33,576 j and at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me j 1450 01:25:33,795 --> 01:25:36,582 j and I just want to say thanks for listening j 1451 01:25:50,479 --> 01:25:54,813 J it's so completely random, don't you see? J 1452 01:25:55,025 --> 01:25:59,018 j now you've seen the other side of me j 1453 01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:02,070 j did you teach your dog to fart your grandma's name? J 1454 01:26:03,116 --> 01:26:07,109 j don't look at me, I'm not the one to blame j 1455 01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,161 j hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you j 1456 01:26:16,254 --> 01:26:18,996 j emergency exit at the rear of the venue j 1457 01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,457 j freaky little girl with the French beret j 1458 01:26:22,678 --> 01:26:24,638 j do you know a thing or two about bastille day? J 1459 01:26:24,805 --> 01:26:27,922 j and I just want to say j 1460 01:26:28,141 --> 01:26:31,884 j just want to say thanks for listening j 1461 01:26:32,104 --> 01:26:36,097 j and I just want to say j 1462 01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:40,730 j just want to say thanks for listening j 1463 01:26:40,946 --> 01:26:45,986 j and at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me j 1464 01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:49,034 j and I just want to say thanks for listening. J 1465 01:27:02,634 --> 01:27:04,170 J hey! J 1466 01:27:05,804 --> 01:27:07,169 j hey! J 1467 01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:10,677 j you didn't know I was a rock star j 1468 01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:13,508 j well, here you go, now you know j 1469 01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:17,347 j so you wanna ride around in your car j 1470 01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:20,182 j I should've know, here you go 1471 01:27:20,402 --> 01:27:22,393 j falling in love with me j 1472 01:27:22,612 --> 01:27:25,945 j I will never be what you want me to be j 1473 01:27:26,158 --> 01:27:29,571 j I'm the same girl j 1474 01:27:29,786 --> 01:27:31,777 j same old me. J 104727

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