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YTS.MX
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My name is Jamie Kelly.
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I'm an artist and a writer
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and an expert on all things beautiful.
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Inner beauty, outer beauty...
You name it.
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I go to mackerel middle school.
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Hey, you'd think
they named it after a fish
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because so many of the kids
are working below a "c" level.
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Okay, bad joke.
Forget I ever said that.
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My best friend is Isabella.
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Isabella is probably one
of the nicest people you'll ever meet,
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even though you can't tell
by looking at her
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or meeting her
or knowing her your whole life.
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Okay, Isabella
is my second-best friend.
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00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,633
My best friend is...
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00:00:56,848 --> 00:01:00,215
Well, my best friend is someone
I can tell anything to,
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even the really weird things
that keep happening to me.
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Is it just me,
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or is it possible that everything
in middle school is a weird thing?
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To answer that question,
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I need to figure out
the meaning of life.
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But until then,
my best friend is my diary,
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my dear dumb diary.
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J yada yah yah yah yah yah yah
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j yada yah yah yah yah j
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Jamie's voice: If I didn't give you
permission to read this diary,
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you better stop reading right now.
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If you are my parents, then yes,
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I know I'm not allowed
to call people idiots and tools
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and trolls and all that.
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But this is a diary.
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And I didn't actually
call them anything,
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I wrote it.
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And if you punish me for it,
then I will know that you read my diary,
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which you did not
have permission to do.
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Now by the power vested in me,
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00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:12,504
I do promise that everything
in this diary is true.
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00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:16,425
Or, at least as true
as I think it needs be.
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J are you sure you're supposed to be j
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j reading someone else's diary? J
42
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j it might be time to stop and think j
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j 'cause I wrote this down
in poison ink j
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poisoning somehow seems wrong.
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00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,686
J if you read a little secret
about Isabella j
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j you really shouldn't know it,
so just don't tell her j
47
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j just let your mind flip
into a comfortable numbness j
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00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,492
j but never underestimate
your own dumbness
49
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j idiots and fools and goons
and half-wits j
50
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,752
j it's not my fault I know everything j
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j information is revealed
on a need-to-know basis j
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j it's all in my dear dumb diary j
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j read it in my dear dumb diary j
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J if this is you, freaky beauty queen j
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j otherwise known as Angeline j
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j don't you dare take another peek j
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j 'cause I won't turn the other... j
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j idiots and fools and goons
and half-wits j
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00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,502
j it's not my fault I know everything j
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00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,673
j information is revealed
on a need-to-know basis j
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00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,967
j it's all in my dear dumb diary j
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j read it in my dear dumb diary j
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J yada yah yah yah yah yah yah
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j yada yah yah yah yah j
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j yada yah yah yah yah yah yah j
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j yada yah yah yah yah. J
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Jamie:
I know, I pretty much rock.
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That's why all the dudes
are crazy about me.
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Dudes like Hudson rivers.
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He knows I got it.
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Hey, Jamie, check it out.
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00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,967
New dance I'm working on.
73
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It's called the choke.
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00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,851
Did you say something, Hudson?
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00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,853
Yeah, the box you made me
for my birthday, for my arthropods...
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00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,560
I was up all night labeling.
Doesn't it look cool?
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I'm sorry.
Here, let me help you with that.
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I've dropped things before and I know
how much trouble droppage can be.
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Bugs don't bother you?
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Each of these beautiful invertebrates
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has their own special role
in nature, you know?
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Every creature has its place.
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00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,761
And my place... it's next to you.
84
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:12,058
We're like two swallowtail butterflies
meant to flap their wings together,
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yep, two swallowtail butterflies
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with their pet unicorn
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who has his own pet,
which is a koala.
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What?
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I said I thought I had more beetles.
Did you see any more of them?
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00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,949
No. You know, Hudson,
I've been thinking...
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- Hey, Angeline.
- Jamie's voice: See, dumb diary,
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00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,958
there's one small problem.
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The universe has afflicted me
with a girl of such genetic superiority
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that my own personal awesomeness,
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which by just about any standard
is sufficiently awesome,
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is made to look sub-awesome.
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00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,798
Is that your lip gloss I smell?
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00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,600
Watermelon splash? It's great.
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00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:58,101
Good news, Hudson... you could be
a professional smeller if you wanted.
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Yeah, you sure smell a lot.
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Jamie's voice: And just like that,
Hudson followed Angeline
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like my dog stinker
following a pork chop.
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00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,322
Watermelon splash?
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00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,996
Angeline just stole
my signature lip-gloss flavor.
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00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,995
This could get ugly, kids.
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00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,750
Normally I hate seeing
my best friend Isabella angry.
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But now she's mad at Angeline,
and I can live with that.
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Miss bruntford
would like to remind students
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that tofuloaf...
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00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,721
But more difficult to live
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with was having to sit
through Mr. vandoy's class.
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00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,348
He's famous at mackerel
for a historical fact of his own.
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He was born with no personality.
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When the doctor spanked him,
he just said...
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Mr. vandoy's voice: "Really?
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Is that absolutely necessary?"
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In other news,
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mackerel middle school
is proud to announce
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the first district-wide jump-a-thon.
120
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,419
When you're that pretty,
you can't tell right from wrong.
121
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,843
She's blinded by her own beauty.
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That's not fair.
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Angeline completely throws off
the attractiveness curve.
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I could be gorgeous
and we wouldn't even know it.
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Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
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I'm having a brainstorm
of gigantic proportions.
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00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,197
What if all the average-looking people
in the world banned together?
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00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:38,576
Seriously, isn't it time we took a stand
against the effortlessly beautiful?
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00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,538
J on behalf of the 99% of us j
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00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,837
j we won't bow down
to the 1% of the populace
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00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,291
j we're not going to drop down
and take it, now are we? J
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00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:53,095
j just because they look
like Ken and Barbie j
133
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:59,472
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
134
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:05,937
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
135
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,734
j all the problems of the world
will vanish j
136
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,314
j when the freaks of nature
are rounded up j
137
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,115
j and banished j
138
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:18,320
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
139
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,032
j your sweet-smelling symmetry
is starting to sicken me j
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00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,289
j I'm gonna puke my guts
in your perfect hair j
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00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,996
j you're so wonderful,
flawless and joyful j
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00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,207
j we're gonna ship you to an island j
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00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,260
j and leave you there... j
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j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
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men: J perfect people
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j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
147
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:48,232
j all the problems of the world
will vanish j
148
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,528
j when the freaks of nature
are rounded up j
149
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:52,740
j and banished j
150
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:57,943
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go...
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I hereby declare the need
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for an equal playing field
for all humanity.
153
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:06,083
Here is my proposal... hair tattooed
on the legs of the pretty people,
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00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,833
permanent unibrows
surgically implanted
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00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,381
on the foreheads
of the effortlessly beautiful,
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00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:16,007
super stinky pit stains embedded
in the shirts of the overly confident.
157
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,259
I do solemnly swear
that we will once and for all
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put an end
to your sickeningly cute injustices,
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now and for all eternity!
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00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:30,313
J perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
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men: J the perfect people
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00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,396
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
163
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,198
j all the problems of the world
will vanish j
164
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,325
j when the freaks of nature
are rounded up j
165
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,623
j and banished j
166
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:50,499
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go-0-0 j
167
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,080
men: J perfect people
168
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:56,418
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go j
169
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,880
j all the problems of the world
will vanish j
170
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,342
j when the freaks of nature
are rounded up j
171
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,926
j and banished j
172
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:09,890
j perfect people of the world,
you've got to go-0-0 j
173
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,150
men: J perfect people... j
174
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,106
you're beautiful and you smell great
and you're nice to be around.
175
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:17,405
But I'm sorry, you've gotta go!
176
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,107
Mr. vandoy: Jamie
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00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,659
Jamie?
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00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,078
Your hands are raised.
179
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:28,454
Do you want to sigh up
for the jump-a-thon?
180
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,083
Angeline was the first
to sign her name.
181
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,913
Hmm?
182
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,045
Come on, Jamie,
it's for a good cause.
183
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,503
What have you got to lose?
184
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,304
Hey, I came prepared.
185
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,382
So did I, dad.
186
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:45,602
Nice.
187
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,097
Mrs. Kelly: Ta-dah!
188
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,178
Jamie's voice:
Mom is up to her usual hijinx,
189
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,015
committing dinner
against the entire family.
190
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,442
- I heard that, Jamie.
- I didn't say anything.
191
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,695
Who would love my casserole.
192
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:05,779
Casserole! That's what that is.
193
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,614
Mmm, yum.
194
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,868
It seems to me that the kids
in where-the-heck-istan
195
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,831
have enough problems without
dumping mom's casseroles on them too.
196
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,631
- Hello? Carol!
- It's aunt Carol!
197
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,929
- No, Carol, it's a fine time.
- Let me talk to her!
198
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,687
Hey,
199
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,765
- why the long face, chief?
- Nothing.
200
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,691
- Are you sure?
- Nothing.
201
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,715
- What's wrong? What's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing.
202
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,739
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
203
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,529
- What's for dessert?
- All right.
204
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:45,452
All right. I just... I don't like school
very much right now, okay?
205
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,279
That's because school
is supposed to prepare you for real life
206
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,865
- which also really s...
- Honey?
207
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,700
Sweetheart?
208
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:59,837
I just... I feel kind of invisible
at school sometimes.
209
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,169
Well...
210
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,595
I understand, Jamie.
211
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,139
When I was your age,
212
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,249
Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
213
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,436
doesn't my dad realize my life
has nothing to do with football?
214
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,394
Seriously, these guys
do recess for a living.
215
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,275
What I need is a...
216
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,011
Mr. Kelly: After a while, though,
I started making friends...
217
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,035
That's it!
218
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,076
The thing that's gonna
make me sparkle.
219
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,779
Actually sparkles!
220
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:34,376
Yes.
Why didn't I think of it before?
221
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,953
If there's one thing I know,
222
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,915
it's the science of shimmer.
223
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,591
More blue!
224
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:46,513
Oh, no. More pink! Yeah!
225
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:51,684
Oh, this was an excellent year
for hot magenta.
226
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,682
Thank you.
227
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:57,769
Sequinization! Rhinestonery!
228
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,729
Emflowerment! Stickerating!
229
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:06,317
Jamie's voice: I'm even thinking
because of my monumental art project
230
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,948
glitter can become...
231
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,825
A college major.
232
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:16,167
I wouldn't be surprised
if they put it on coins,
233
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,960
or cars...
234
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,623
Or even the statue of Liberty.
235
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:25,802
And this year's pulitzer prize
for world peace through glitter
236
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,721
goes to Jamie Kelly!
237
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,083
Jamie's voice:
Ladies and gentlemen,
238
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,940
mackerel middle school history
is about to be made.
239
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,895
Jamie, what have you got there?
240
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,404
Jamie's voice:
Isn't she gorgeous?
241
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,201
Meet miss Anderson, art teacher.
242
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:55,202
She's my bft, which is like a bff,
except for teachers.
243
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,004
I have something to show you.
244
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,083
You may want to brace yourself.
245
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,264
What is it?
246
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,341
Oh, Jamie,
247
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,176
it's magnificent.
248
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,680
I'm afraid I have bad news.
249
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,816
Due to significant budget cuts,
250
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:27,148
certain extra-curricular activities
are being eliminated this year,
251
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,857
including...
252
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,159
Thespian society,
253
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,994
model united nations,
254
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,783
the art program...
255
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,914
- Breathe.
- Can't.
256
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:45,669
In, out.
257
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,046
No art.
258
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,678
This could be the end of Jamie Kelly.
259
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,727
This could be the end of all artists.
260
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,931
What?!
261
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,606
Ow!
262
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,235
Breathing again. You're welcome.
263
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,567
That's why our school's fundraisers
264
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,778
are more important than ever.
265
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:19,457
So I need to see everyone
at mackerel middle
266
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:24,504
get behind this year's jump-a-thon!
267
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,502
Ho ho ho!
268
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,674
Did you know every year
269
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,050
500 children get injured
in a tragic jump-roping accident?
270
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,972
It's true...
271
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,264
And funny.
272
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,513
That's what I'm talking about.
273
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:42,893
The event will involve
all five middle schools in the district,
274
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:46,021
and listen up, friends...
Certain local businesses
275
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:51,152
have chipped in
and awarded $10,000
276
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:55,781
to the school whose student
wins the jump-a-thon!
277
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,988
Whoo! Whoo hoo!
278
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,082
Is that really like caramel apple?
279
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,378
There are 350 lip-gloss flavors
in the world.
280
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,252
You'd think with all those choices,
281
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,255
certain people could keep
their well-manicured paws
282
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,508
off other people's
signature flavors.
283
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,012
Now what do you say, friends?
Can we band together
284
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,224
and raise some money
for mackerel middle...
285
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,685
Yeah!
286
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,816
Come on, everybody.
We can do it.
287
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,522
'Cause we're all in this together!
288
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,984
All: Shut it, cupcake!
289
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,279
Jamie's voice:
This isn't the end of it.
290
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,664
My time to shine isn't going
to be ripped away without a fight.
291
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,438
The school office
is a bleak and desolate place
292
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,392
where students with bloody noses
293
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,899
come for the expert healing powers
of the school nurse.
294
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,783
Here all are comforted
295
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,611
by the sweet
and pleasant personalities of...
296
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,202
The office ladies.
297
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,411
Butterscotch!
298
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:32,123
I need to speak
to assistant principal Devon.
299
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:35,130
The culture of our free world
is at stake.
300
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:40,090
Art! That's the cornerstone
of the whole world, of civilization!
301
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,891
What's the earth
302
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,891
without art?!
303
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,597
It's just "eh."
304
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,023
Eh...
305
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,021
Do you know what you have
without art?
306
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,445
Well, basically, nothing.
307
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:58,366
Architecture... that's art.
Furniture... art!
308
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,785
- Our clothes... art!
- Jamie.
309
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,453
I got it.
310
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,906
I don't want to lose any program.
311
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,367
I want every student
312
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,624
to fly on the limitless wings
of eagles.
313
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,833
My job is to be a problem-solver.
314
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,214
And you can join me
in being a problem-solver too.
315
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,094
That's what I'm trying to do right now,
316
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,925
solve a really big problem.
317
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,852
You could sign up
for the jump-a-thon.
318
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,726
That's being part of the solution.
319
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,268
"Beeing part..." Bzzz.
320
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,440
Isabella says all fundraising
is a money-hungry scam.
321
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660
Does she really?
322
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,556
And what does Isabella know
about fundraising?
323
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,162
Isabella knows about everything.
324
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,786
You're a good kid, Jamie.
325
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:50,960
But your friend Isabella
doesn't have all the answers.
326
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,379
Isabella says the people
who say things about her
327
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,424
- only do so because they're jealous.
- I'm not jealous of Isabella.
328
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,672
Isabella says that denying jealousy
329
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,004
is, like, the surest sign of jealousy.
330
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,389
Did you know
that Isabella told Mrs. frundle
331
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,017
that her dress looked like something
you'd bury a clown in.
332
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,894
Isabella offers free fashion advice.
333
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,172
Her third-grade teacher
said that Isabella is a thief.
334
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,983
Isabella is a modern-day
Robin hood,
335
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,565
in much better tights.
336
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,492
Finally, this.
337
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,616
Disruptive, unsanitary,
338
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,494
and frankly, ew.
339
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,873
Isabella is in touch
with her inner dolphin.
340
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,999
Bottom line,
341
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,962
Isabella is selfish.
You don't want to end up like that.
342
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,264
Jamie: Wait.
343
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:49,810
So all of our dirty deeds...
344
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:54,061
All of our deepest secrets
live in that cabinet?
345
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,732
Pretty much.
346
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,527
Everyone has a record?
347
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,355
Without it, you don't even exist.
348
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:06,114
Assistant principal Devon,
line three.
349
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,787
Whaaaa! Ah!
350
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,287
Oh.
351
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:15,620
This is tragic or something.
352
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,360
Jamie's voice:
Turns out it was tragic.
353
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,625
She broke her hip.
Hips a big deal to office ladies.
354
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,928
They need them
for sitting around all day.
355
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,552
And when assistant principal Devon
356
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:30,476
called for help, I was alone
with all the permanent records.
357
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,553
Isabella: Including Angeline's?
358
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,229
It was right there.
359
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,433
You know, it's true what they say...
360
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,940
Without a permanent record,
you don't exist.
361
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:45,446
You basically walk the earth
as a ghost.
362
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,992
Did you see my record?
363
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,195
Yours?
364
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,708
Eh, I may have seen it.
365
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,957
Mr. Kelly: Jamie! Guess who it is.
366
00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:01,132
Oh, that's my aunt Carol!
Gotta fly, pumpkin pie.
367
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,799
Catch you later, perspirator.
368
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:07,221
I told you, I switched my spy name
to Princess unicornia!
369
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:09,953
Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
370
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,888
isn't my aunt Carol incredible?
371
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:15,062
Her wardrobe is like the clothes
my old Barbies used to wear.
372
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,858
Except my aunt doesn't spend
as much time on her tip-toes.
373
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,148
Jamie!
374
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:25,481
Jamie!
375
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,613
- Aunt Carol!
- Oh!
376
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,660
Do you know what all that means?
377
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,158
Pink is the new black?
378
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,616
Well, obviously. But no.
379
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:40,626
It means there are lots of clothes
for you to inherit.
380
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,921
Don't you see how cool she is already?
381
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:49,471
See, most of my conversations
with adult relatives go like this...
382
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,516
- So how's school going?
- Fine.
383
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,185
- And how's soccer going?
- Fine.
384
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:59,940
See, if I explain
that I've never played soccer,
385
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,985
it would just lead
to extra questions.
386
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:06,360
So what do you think
about all this rain we're having?
387
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,815
Fine.
388
00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,151
So how is school going?
389
00:22:11,372 --> 00:22:12,657
Fine.
390
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,433
Are any of the kids,
like, really gross?
391
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:15,622
Stop it, Carol.
392
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,700
Angeline is gross.
393
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,285
Jamie.
394
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:23,123
Do you know that your mom
once peed her pants at school?
395
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,799
Don't... do not listen to her, Jamie.
396
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,593
Your aunt Carol
has taken her allergy medicine,
397
00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:30,966
and she really has no idea
what she is saying. Stop it.
398
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:35,601
Okay, fine. Fine, I'll drop it.
399
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:39,271
So, Jamie, what do you think
of all this rain we are having?
400
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,690
- I don't know.
- I bet your mom hates it.
401
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,312
It could get her pants wet.
402
00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:45,770
Mrs. Kelly:
Hey! Time out for you, Carol.
403
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,190
Jamie: School is a disaster.
404
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,824
Well, that's because it is supposed
to prepare you for the real world,
405
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,719
- which also kind of...
- Yeah, I've heard.
406
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:58,616
But how am I supposed
to make it through without going nuts?
407
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,451
Play to your strengths.
408
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,252
I've tried that.
409
00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,750
Well, maybe you have
more than one strength.
410
00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,673
It's highly unlikely.
411
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,298
When I was in middle school,
412
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,346
I got teased for having thin lips.
413
00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,674
They called me lizard lips.
414
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,385
So I would walk around
trying to push my lips out
415
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,095
so they would be more full.
416
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,474
That didn't work.
417
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:25,855
But later I discovered
I was a really good kisser
418
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,471
no matter what my lips looked like.
419
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,238
And trust me,
nobody was complaining.
420
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:32,032
Stop.
421
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,611
You have got to
422
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,038
use what you have got.
423
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,616
Sometimes what you think
might be a problem
424
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:43,543
could turn out to be
your greatest strength.
425
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,920
See? There.
426
00:23:51,305 --> 00:23:54,047
Photo, photo, photo, photo,
photo, photo.
427
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,512
But what if I don't
have a greatest strength?
428
00:23:57,728 --> 00:24:00,720
Oh, everybody's got a greatest strength.
I've got, like, five.
429
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,306
Come on, who doesn't?
430
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:08,565
Well, well. If it isn't Jamie.
431
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,442
You still a vegetarian?
432
00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:13,775
Because now we've got tofuloaf.
433
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:17,737
This is even worse
than when they tried serving us...
434
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,868
Lollyloafs.
435
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:23,826
I saw a doctor.
436
00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,458
I got healed from vegetarianism.
437
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,756
Well, then,
438
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,833
bring up the tray.
Pick it up. Put it up here.
439
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,338
All the way. There you go.
440
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:36,092
Why do I feel like all the adults
in my life are trying to poison me?
441
00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:41,720
I don't think she's going to look away
until you take a bite.
442
00:24:58,122 --> 00:25:02,206
I can't tell the difference
between the meatloaf
443
00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:03,783
and my tongue.
444
00:25:04,795 --> 00:25:06,706
Now down to business.
445
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:10,005
I've been thinking about Angeline
446
00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,754
and the whole permanent-record thing.
447
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:15,382
The girl has got to be stopped.
448
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:17,277
- Why do you think that...
- Hudson: Jamie!
449
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:18,597
Hey, how are you doing?
450
00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:20,845
I didn't see your name
on the jump-a-thon list
451
00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:24,645
and I know you'd do a great job.
That's all.
452
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,948
- Is she okay?
- She's fine.
453
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,776
Might be a small panic attack.
454
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:40,782
Go ahead. As you were saying?
455
00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:46,291
Well, I remember that
456
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,459
playing double Dutch and stuff...
457
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:50,913
You used to be the best
jump-roper in the whole school.
458
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,794
Does she need to see the nurse?
459
00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:59,297
Dear dumb diary,
460
00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,973
only a miracle happened today.
461
00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:05,804
Hudson rivers basically has declared
his undying love for me,
462
00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:07,934
except he said it another way.
463
00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:10,391
His code,
which I cleverly deciphered,
464
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:13,853
was saying that he thinks I'd do good
in the jump-a-thon.
465
00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:17,691
I cannot... repeat,
cannot let him down.
466
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,822
I think I can uphold our love,
467
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:24,405
save the art program, and finally...
Finally bring justice
468
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:26,991
to every average-looking person
in the whole world
469
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:29,748
who's ever been shown up
by a girl like Angeline.
470
00:26:29,963 --> 00:26:32,500
That's right... I have no choice
471
00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:35,002
but show once and for all
the entire world...
472
00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:38,131
My awesomeness!
473
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,939
J my awesomeness is awesome j
474
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,482
j my technique is unique j
475
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,309
j my awesomeness is awesome j
476
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:56,737
j everybody else if freakin' weak... j
477
00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:58,405
j my footwork is like clockwork j
478
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,608
j my routine is the hottest j
479
00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:03,911
j I'm a voodoo samurai super-ninja
jump-rope goddess j
480
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:07,115
j so if you step to me j
481
00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:10,701
j proceed with caution j
482
00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,583
j my awesomeness is awesome j
483
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,249
j my awesomeness is awesome... j
484
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:21,508
look, ninjas! And they have Hudson!
485
00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:24,848
J there is no competition j
486
00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:26,550
j there will be no contest j
487
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:28,852
j 'cause now I'm on a mission j
488
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,146
j to be the very best of the best
of the best j
489
00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:34,270
j and unless you've got three legs
and a built-in trampoline j
490
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:38,149
j you've got no chance against me,
even you, Angeline j
491
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,856
j so if you step to me j
492
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:44,785
j proceed with caution j
493
00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:47,739
j my awesomeness is awesome j
494
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:51,708
j my awesomeness is awesome... j
495
00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,089
you're right, Jamie.
496
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:57,460
Your awesomeness is awesome.
497
00:27:57,676 --> 00:28:00,713
J they come to worship me j
498
00:28:00,929 --> 00:28:05,298
- j from all around the world
- Other: J ooh ooh j
499
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,384
j and no one can believe j
500
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:14,099
j I'm just your average girl j
501
00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:17,813
j my concentration is unbreakable j
502
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,645
j my confidence unshakable j
503
00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:21,696
j my moves are so unfake-able j
504
00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:23,445
j my genius unmistakable j
505
00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:25,241
j 'cause I'm capable of miracles j
506
00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,570
j and I'm here to pull
the stops out of y'all
507
00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:30,371
j so check check check check
checka checka checka me out j
508
00:28:30,584 --> 00:28:33,667
j if you want a piece of me j
509
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:38,418
j proceed with caution j
510
00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:41,501
j my awesomeness j
511
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:47,090
j is awesome. J
512
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,932
I can't take it anymore.
513
00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,060
It's too overwhelming.
I'm gonna jump.
514
00:28:56,276 --> 00:28:58,938
Jamie, middle school's not that bad.
515
00:28:59,154 --> 00:29:00,564
Please reconsider.
516
00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:02,772
No, the jump-a-thon.
I'm doing it.
517
00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,481
I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna win.
518
00:29:04,701 --> 00:29:06,111
We're all gonna jump
519
00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:08,319
'cause we're all in this together!
520
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,159
Pretty gutsy, Jamie,
521
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:19,588
considering all the money
you have to raise.
522
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,165
Money?
523
00:29:21,385 --> 00:29:23,592
I have to raise money?
524
00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:25,214
300 bucks?!
525
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:27,350
Angeline just went around
asking people for money
526
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:29,548
and they raised
up 300 buck-a-roos?
527
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,975
How famous does Angeline
need to be?
528
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:35,224
If it was me, I'd be totally satisfied
with being partly famous
529
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,056
and not have to go around
making myself famouser all the time.
530
00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:42,065
She just asked and boom...
531
00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:45,444
= money. -
532
00:29:58,005 --> 00:30:01,122
If I could paint and talk at the...
533
00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:05,004
Jamie! Hi.
I just met your lovely aunt.
534
00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:06,926
I'm glad to hear
you're moving to town.
535
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:08,720
Please, assistant principal devonn,
536
00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:10,138
call me Carol.
537
00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,931
Carol. And you can call me Dan.
538
00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:13,805
Oh, Dan.
539
00:30:14,021 --> 00:30:16,558
And it's "Devon," not devonn.
540
00:30:16,773 --> 00:30:18,934
I will talk to you later.
541
00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:20,311
Bye.
542
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,773
- Carol: Oh!
- See you.
543
00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:27,652
Hey, no... not... not here!
544
00:30:27,868 --> 00:30:31,360
Big news. Assistant principal Devon
just offered me an office job.
545
00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:33,571
It turns out some poor woman
broke her hip.
546
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,906
Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
547
00:30:36,126 --> 00:30:37,787
Jamie,
548
00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,959
I am gonna be working
at your school!
549
00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:44,589
Of course there was a time
when my aunt Carol understood
550
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:48,714
that a person would rather bathe
in a tub of hot dog slobber
551
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:51,421
than have a relative
working at their school.
552
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,677
Isn't it great?
553
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:55,976
She's lost touch with reality.
554
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:59,931
So I had absolutely no choice
except to lie to her.
555
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:02,182
Yes.
556
00:31:02,402 --> 00:31:04,233
And I'm not lying to you.
557
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,450
Hi, Mrs. clawson.
558
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:20,284
I'm doing a jump-a-thon
to raise money for my school.
559
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:23,337
Since the state doesn't seem
to value education enough
560
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:25,834
to meet our needs...
561
00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,961
What just happened?
562
00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:31,180
I'm not sure.
563
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:34,223
Let me turn up my hearing.
564
00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:37,517
I said, I was wondering,
would you give us money?!
565
00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,186
Let me see what I've got.
566
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:42,310
I'd rather be at the dentist.
567
00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:43,686
Yeah.
568
00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,542
It's funny how they're always
so surprised
569
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,811
when you bite their fingers.
570
00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:51,239
Ah, here you go, dears.
571
00:31:58,458 --> 00:32:00,323
What is it? Clothes?
572
00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:01,954
Maybe we can resell them.
573
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:03,956
Oh, no.
574
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,378
What is it?
575
00:32:11,263 --> 00:32:13,094
Granny panties.
576
00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:15,046
They look like
old army-man parachutes
577
00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:16,757
with two big holes
shot through them.
578
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:20,765
She must have thought we were
on some clothing drive or something.
579
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:24,144
Well, if at first you don't succeed,
580
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:25,815
try try again.
581
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,608
Okay.
582
00:32:27,821 --> 00:32:32,030
But if any old lady
gives me a bag of her giant bras,
583
00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:34,028
I'm out.
584
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:43,534
You have to give 'em
a taste of the product.
585
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,709
Show 'em what they're investing in.
586
00:32:47,841 --> 00:32:50,548
Feet like fire, Jamie Kelly!
Feet like fire.
587
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,251
I taught her everything she knows.
588
00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:55,758
Would you like to sponsor me,
Mrs. cutler?
589
00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:58,090
Ah, my pleasure.
590
00:32:58,310 --> 00:32:59,800
Mmm, well,
591
00:33:00,020 --> 00:33:02,932
best of luck, Jamie.
592
00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,063
Thanks, Mrs. cutler.
593
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:09,393
We're also collecting
for another charity today.
594
00:33:09,613 --> 00:33:10,613
We are?
595
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:13,655
The juvenile optometry federation.
596
00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:17,234
They supply eyeglasses and such
to underprivileged kids.
597
00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:19,695
Well, aren't you two
the little do-gooders?
598
00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:22,577
I'd be proud to give you...
599
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:25,124
$5.
600
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:27,794
Jamie's voice:
Look how self-sacrificing Isabella is.
601
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,746
She's basically like Gandhi
602
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,797
with a bowl haircut and glasses.
603
00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:37,679
Yeah, I got all the information
about this charity online.
604
00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:40,507
You can help me collect for it
if you want.
605
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:47,936
Jamie's voice:
And so, ddd, as we went door to door,
606
00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:51,564
not only were people shocked
and amazed by my jump-roping skills...
607
00:33:54,407 --> 00:33:56,407
But we also picked up
a few bucks here and there
608
00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,654
for the juvenile optometry federation.
609
00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:00,906
J if you're with me, with me j
610
00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:02,987
j let me hearya j
611
00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,995
j get your hands together
so that we can feel ya j
612
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,701
j it don't matter what they do j
613
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:09,252
j it don't matter what they say j
614
00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:12,831
j we're rock stars, do it our way,
don't change j
615
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,051
j you're the same girl j
616
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:16,634
in your face, Angeline.
617
00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:19,007
Now I'm as gentle and sweet as you.
618
00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:21,510
Take that, you toad.
619
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:26,595
- Is that...
- Granny panties
620
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:29,101
as far as the eye can see.
621
00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:31,558
Stinker! Ugh!
622
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:37,697
Ugh! Must not touch
granny panties with hands.
623
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,524
Plan b. Get to work.
624
00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:41,280
You too!
625
00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:52,796
- What time is it?
- 4:52. Why?
626
00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:55,124
Hurry. Just hurry!
627
00:35:00,348 --> 00:35:04,057
Jamie's voice: Sometimes things
that seem really gross at first
628
00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:08,308
can seem less gross if you just dig in
and deal with the grossness.
629
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,774
Sometimes if you just pretend
things aren't gross,
630
00:35:16,990 --> 00:35:19,231
the grossness just kind of goes away.
631
00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:22,783
But not this time.
632
00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:26,454
Hudson: Jamie!
633
00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:42,300
He rides past on his way from soccer
634
00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:45,052
every day at the same time.
635
00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,758
Isabella: It could be worse.
636
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:48,934
These old-lady panties
637
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,934
could still have old ladies in 'em.
638
00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:12,575
I've heard from some reliable sources
639
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:15,663
that Angeline
does the zone shampooing.
640
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:17,247
She shampoos
each zone of her head
641
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:20,755
with its own distinct fragrance
of shampoo.
642
00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:24,592
Whenever she tosses her hair,
643
00:36:24,808 --> 00:36:28,300
she shoots a delicious waft of fragrance
right at your unsuspecting nose.
644
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,887
You know, there is one way
to make Angeline disappear.
645
00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,974
If that permanent record's gone, poof!
646
00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,308
Are you sure about that?
647
00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:38,314
Have I ever been wrong
about anything?
648
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:40,530
What about that one time
you tried tanning yourself
649
00:36:40,573 --> 00:36:42,279
with flashlights
and a magnifying glass?
650
00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:45,279
Okay, so she won't disappear exactly,
651
00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:47,827
but we might find
some embarrassing info
652
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,030
and tarnish her reputation forever.
653
00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,390
Jamie's voice:
Wow. Aunt Carol's influence
654
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:11,263
has really turned this place around.
655
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,604
Hi, Jamie.
656
00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:39,880
Wait a second, Jamie.
I just have some flowers to replace.
657
00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:43,670
What a wonderful surprise
to have you come visit.
658
00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:45,172
Is it business or pleasure?
659
00:37:45,388 --> 00:37:46,844
Oh! I was wondering,
660
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:49,547
is assistant principal Devon here?
661
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:51,929
No, he's at lunch.
You want to leave a message for him?
662
00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:55,182
No. I was just looking for...
663
00:37:56,316 --> 00:37:58,352
- A paper clip.
- Oh.
664
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:00,900
Here you go.
665
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:04,275
No, no. A bigger paper clip.
666
00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:07,699
A big red paper clip.
667
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:11,870
Do you think assistant principal Devon
might have a big red paper clip?
668
00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:15,323
Maybe. He is just nuts
about office supplies.
669
00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:18,626
- Why don't you go and look?
- Just walk right in?
670
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:20,829
You are my niece. Go ahead.
671
00:38:35,355 --> 00:38:38,142
- Jamie!
- Hey. Back from lunch?
672
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:41,646
Yes. But I believe you and I
have something bigger to talk about.
673
00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:42,896
We do?
674
00:38:43,112 --> 00:38:44,112
We sure do.
675
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:47,189
Look, I can explain.
676
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,366
You don't have to.
Your posters say everything.
677
00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:51,578
My posters?
678
00:38:51,788 --> 00:38:56,157
I've seen your juvenile optometry
federation signs everywhere.
679
00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:59,368
I am so proud of you and Isabella
for taking on this charity.
680
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:03,500
It even makes me feel bad
for cautioning you against Isabella.
681
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,081
I want to commend the two of you
682
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:08,259
for making this world
a better place to be.
683
00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:11,929
Or should I say...
684
00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:14,507
"Bee"?!
685
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,183
Buzz, buzz.
686
00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:20,897
Here, I want to contribute.
687
00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:23,100
This is what happens
688
00:39:23,319 --> 00:39:26,857
when you put others
before yourself... magic.
689
00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,313
Carol: Jamie!
690
00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:30,364
Look what I found.
691
00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:34,114
We've got everything here.
692
00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:37,242
Ah!
693
00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:41,663
Wow.
694
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,542
- Jamie: Mmm! Yeah.
- Yeah.
695
00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:46,839
- Okay, ready?
- Ready. Go.
696
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,260
Ah.
697
00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:53,679
- That was so good.
- So yummy.
698
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,721
So how come aunt Carol
never showed up for dinner?
699
00:39:57,937 --> 00:40:00,770
Oh, no reason.
Plans, work stuff, you know.
700
00:40:00,982 --> 00:40:03,689
Sounds to me like she's got
a big hot date.
701
00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:05,233
No.
702
00:40:05,445 --> 00:40:08,653
Ew! Old people dating.
703
00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:12,824
Seriously, can you imagine
anything as repulsive
704
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:18,030
as two old people
locked in some withering embrace?
705
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:21,787
Their dusty decrepit flesh
706
00:40:22,003 --> 00:40:23,834
brushing up against each other?
707
00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:27,756
Their bony fingers clutching...
708
00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:29,958
Jamie. She's 32.
709
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,801
327?!
710
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:35,346
I didn't realize she was that old.
711
00:40:37,894 --> 00:40:41,102
Jamie's voice: And just when I thought
I couldn't get grossed out anymore,
712
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:43,555
stinker proved me wrong.
713
00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:19,841
Ew ew ew! Clean air!
714
00:41:20,061 --> 00:41:22,177
Ay, help!
715
00:41:22,397 --> 00:41:24,763
I'm not sure
if she's going to make it, nurse.
716
00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:27,975
She inhaled a lot
of pure dog stink.
717
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:30,526
Jamie's voice: So mom let me
sleep in the living room
718
00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:32,478
in case the beagle fumes
could have had
719
00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,530
any permanent effects
on my development.
720
00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:35,928
Mrs. Kelly:
All right, so then what?
721
00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,988
When we were eating,
he just grabbed my hand.
722
00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:39,204
- Mmm!
- Yeah.
723
00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:40,641
- And then the other hand.
- Both hands?
724
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:41,665
- Yeah.
- He did not.
725
00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:43,435
- Yeah, it was very romantic.
- He did not!
726
00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:45,290
- Carol.
- And he asked me out again.
727
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:46,913
Carol, stop it!
728
00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:49,166
Carol:
Oh, don't be so old-fashioned.
729
00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:52,089
Mrs. Kelly:
I've heard a thing or two...
730
00:41:52,301 --> 00:41:53,336
Red alert.
731
00:41:53,553 --> 00:41:55,760
Right now at this very second,
732
00:41:55,972 --> 00:41:58,714
I think my aunt Carol
is telling my mom about...
733
00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:03,472
Well, I think it really
is about a big gross date.
734
00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:04,803
Mrs. Kelly: And?
735
00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:08,481
Oh, he had these strong, warm,
736
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:10,433
- George Clooney lips.
- Mm-hmm.
737
00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:12,939
Which is so gross to listen to.
738
00:42:13,156 --> 00:42:16,023
It's all I can do
to keep eavesdropping.
739
00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:18,574
These powerful,
masculine Ben affleck hands.
740
00:42:18,786 --> 00:42:20,367
Mrs. Kelly: Ben affleck, really?
741
00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,696
Is he known for his hands?
742
00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:25,657
Ew. Adult city.
743
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,458
That's it.
744
00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:31,254
But, wait. I'm trying to imagine
the kind of guy
745
00:42:31,466 --> 00:42:33,878
aunt Carol could possibly date.
746
00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:36,379
He would have to be
someone who is, a:
747
00:42:36,596 --> 00:42:39,133
More attractive than aunt Carol,
but dumber,
748
00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:41,885
b: Less attractive than aunt Carol,
749
00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:45,218
but funnier,
750
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:48,271
c: The exact same level
of attractiveness,
751
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:50,098
but shorter,
752
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:53,936
d: The owner of a really hot car.
753
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,972
Why don't you just take a picture?
754
00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:26,722
So then I can be the weird girl
who takes stalker-like photos
755
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:29,145
and plays with old ladies'
undergarments?
756
00:43:29,357 --> 00:43:30,813
You don't know what Hudson likes.
757
00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:32,981
Lots of guys
might find that attractive.
758
00:43:33,194 --> 00:43:35,230
- Name one.
- Big foot.
759
00:43:37,907 --> 00:43:39,772
Frankenstein.
760
00:43:39,992 --> 00:43:41,277
Big foot!
761
00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:43,826
Hey, Jamie, good morning.
762
00:43:44,038 --> 00:43:45,849
It feels like there's
something electric in the air.
763
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,660
Cute jacket, by the way.
764
00:43:49,919 --> 00:43:51,705
Um, what just happened?
765
00:43:51,921 --> 00:43:53,786
You think she senses
I'm her competition
766
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,041
for the jump-a-thon?
767
00:43:55,258 --> 00:43:56,873
She's trying to get
in your brain, Jamie.
768
00:43:57,093 --> 00:43:58,583
Don't let her in there.
769
00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:01,761
Don't let her in!
770
00:44:01,973 --> 00:44:05,261
Class, I thought
we'd spice things up a bit.
771
00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:08,092
Today we're making valentines.
772
00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:11,679
But it's, like, four months
until Valentine's day.
773
00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:15,266
Well, this is why you're in school...
To practice stuff.
774
00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:18,193
Oh, and don't put your name
on anything.
775
00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:22,026
Isabella, don't you think Hudson
776
00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:24,700
is the cutest boy
in the whole school?
777
00:44:24,912 --> 00:44:27,494
Actually, he's eighth.
778
00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:28,707
What?
779
00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:31,658
I've scientifically ranked
all the guys in our school
780
00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:33,038
based on my cuteness scale.
781
00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:35,836
According the science of boy-ology,
782
00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:38,585
Hudson is the eighth-cutest guy
in our school.
783
00:44:38,801 --> 00:44:40,792
I've done a very accurate study
784
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,752
which accounts for looks, personality,
785
00:44:42,972 --> 00:44:46,510
physicality and fashion sense.
786
00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:51,431
Eighth is all right with me.
787
00:45:00,072 --> 00:45:02,984
J in first place is Andy Clyde j
788
00:45:03,201 --> 00:45:06,693
j he's got a crush
on Claire vanderhyde
789
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:10,997
j his shirt's always untucked
and his shoes are untied j
790
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:15,828
j and whenever he smiles,
you get all squirmy inside j
791
00:45:18,591 --> 00:45:21,833
j Brian buxbaum is ♪2 j
792
00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:24,920
j he moved here last year
from kalamazoo j
793
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:28,631
j he used to be in fifth place,
but then he grew
794
00:45:28,851 --> 00:45:31,467
j he's just not my type j
795
00:45:31,687 --> 00:45:34,679
j maybe he's for you j
796
00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:42,312
j Hudson rivers
is the eighth cutest guy in my school j
797
00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:45,815
j he's a lifeguard in training j
798
00:45:46,035 --> 00:45:49,903
j at the cuteness gene pool j
799
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,408
j you might say j
800
00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,035
j go for one, two or three j
801
00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,208
j I think eight is my fate j
802
00:45:56,420 --> 00:45:59,833
j 'cause he's more
than just a number to me j
803
00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:08,884
J the hoffenberg twins
are three and four j
804
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:12,433
j Glenn collects ninjas
and Gavin's a bore j
805
00:46:12,645 --> 00:46:15,853
j calder MacMillan
holds down the fifth place j
806
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:20,900
j but I think there's
something weird about his face j
807
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:26,189
j sixth is Josh Chapman,
he lives on my block j
808
00:46:26,409 --> 00:46:29,776
j Fred Wells is seventh,
he's kind of a jock j
809
00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:33,488
j I could go down the list,
say who's in and who's out
810
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:36,324
j but there's only one name j
811
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:40,002
j that I care about j
812
00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:45,629
j Hudson rivers
is the eighth cutest guy in my school j
813
00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:49,553
j he may not be Einstein j
814
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:54,099
j but I say he's nobody's fool j
815
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:55,848
j you might say j
816
00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,099
j go for one, two or three j
817
00:46:58,316 --> 00:46:59,772
j I think eight is my fate j
818
00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:01,724
j he's more
than just a number to me j
819
00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:04,276
- others: J you might say j
- J just follow your heart
820
00:47:04,488 --> 00:47:06,399
j I khow Hudson and me j
821
00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:09,011
- j are more than the sum of our parts j
- Others: I you might say
822
00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:11,276
j go for one, two or three j
823
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:14,032
j I know eight is my fate j
824
00:47:14,248 --> 00:47:18,287
j he's more than a number to me. J
825
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:36,766
Ah!
826
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:38,890
I'm ss 0 ry I'm ss 0 rry
827
00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:41,222
Jamie, could I ask you a question?
828
00:47:44,570 --> 00:47:46,526
Why do I feel
like I've imagined this before?
829
00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:49,276
I was just wondering why you haven't
asked me to sponsor you
830
00:47:49,492 --> 00:47:52,734
- for the jump-a-thon.
- You want to sponsor me?
831
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:56,032
Okay.
832
00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:03,001
Jamie, I love your Valentine.
It's perfect.
833
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:05,375
If Michelangelo and Da Vinci
had a baby,
834
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:08,128
and it was a card,
it would look like this.
835
00:48:08,344 --> 00:48:09,959
Mmm!
836
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,764
- Thanks.
- Yeah, sure.
837
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:26,350
Jamie: Hudson.
838
00:48:26,570 --> 00:48:28,185
Is that you? Hudson.
839
00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:32,235
Did you hear that?
840
00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:34,817
He doesn't think I'm some creepy
panty-picker-upper.
841
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:36,493
Or he finds it attractive.
842
00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:39,196
I'm just sayin'!
843
00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:43,413
Devon: Jamie Kelly.
844
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,165
Just the girl I wanted to see.
845
00:48:45,381 --> 00:48:47,542
I wanted to let you know,
and Isabella,
846
00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:50,966
that because of the success
of the juvenile optometry federation,
847
00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:54,170
the town paper wants to come
and interview you both.
848
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:56,005
- No way!
- Way.
849
00:48:56,225 --> 00:48:58,386
It's about two girls
making a difference,
850
00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,718
taking it upon themselves
to think of others.
851
00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:02,303
- We'll be in the paper?
- Yes.
852
00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:03,792
- Will there be a picture?
- Yep.
853
00:49:03,816 --> 00:49:05,136
- Will it be in color?
- Think so.
854
00:49:05,234 --> 00:49:08,226
- Will it be bigger than this?
- I don't know.
855
00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:11,779
Can I do a snazzy over-the-shoulder?
856
00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:13,606
Sure.
857
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:15,991
Yes!
858
00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:17,443
Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
859
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:20,037
all this giving to people
is really paying off.
860
00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:23,867
I can even feel myself
getting more beautifuller inside.
861
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:29,543
Soon my inner beauty
will be so enflamed
862
00:49:29,758 --> 00:49:31,153
that it will rupture through my skin
863
00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:34,965
and spew bubbling squirts of beauty
all over the floor
864
00:49:35,181 --> 00:49:39,140
that the janitors will have to clean up
with their special throw-up sawdust.
865
00:49:42,897 --> 00:49:45,013
Isn't it magnificent?
866
00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,746
Aunt Carol, isn't this going to be
a musical number?
867
00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:05,324
Sorry. Budget cuts.
868
00:50:05,544 --> 00:50:07,660
- Man: What?
- Man ♪2: I thought I had a tap solo.
869
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,792
This is ridiculous.
I'm... I'm gonna call my agent.
870
00:50:11,008 --> 00:50:12,527
Don't think you're going
to get away with this.
871
00:50:12,551 --> 00:50:14,041
This is unprofessional!
872
00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:16,377
This is why I don't do film!
873
00:50:19,558 --> 00:50:22,641
Hey, sweet pea,
how was your day?
874
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:24,309
Fine.
875
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:31,437
Is that one of stinker's chew toys?
876
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:33,394
A lot of things look like chew toys.
877
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,106
Hey, guys, don't wait up.
Call if I need you. Love you, bye!
878
00:50:40,162 --> 00:50:41,482
Jamie's voice:
And so, dumb diary,
879
00:50:41,664 --> 00:50:43,746
now that I'm beautiful
like aunt Carol,
880
00:50:43,958 --> 00:50:45,494
I can understand
why men flock to her.
881
00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:49,543
I myself feel like I could stare
at my reflection for hours,
882
00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:51,837
lost in the gaze of my own beauty.
883
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:54,882
It's not weird to check yourself out.
884
00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:56,630
It's not!
885
00:50:58,389 --> 00:50:59,970
Birthday-cake frosting?!
886
00:51:00,182 --> 00:51:03,140
Is that supposed to make
the meatloaf more appealing?
887
00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:08,270
- Oh, no.
- Isabella: What?
888
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:12,270
Angeline... she's been grinning
at me for two weeks.
889
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:13,672
Maybe it's some curse she learned
890
00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:15,982
using the flawless reflection
of her teeth.
891
00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:18,940
Ruthless with her
jedi mind tricks, she is.
892
00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:22,952
- What was that?
- Adorable hand wave.
893
00:51:23,163 --> 00:51:26,451
Oh, that's low. Real low.
894
00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:28,703
I don't think you should
keep coming to this school
895
00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,230
if she continues
this kind of behavior.
896
00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:31,744
Jamie: Oh, no.
897
00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:35,331
She's coming over here with that big old
gorgeous smile on her face.
898
00:51:35,551 --> 00:51:38,213
- What do we do?
- Be strong, Jamie.
899
00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:42,672
You must resist her evil.
900
00:51:42,891 --> 00:51:45,052
- Jamie!
- Ah!
901
00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:49,137
Oh, my gosh! Amazing!
902
00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:57,732
I feel like I've been playfully mauled
903
00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,155
by a really sweet grizzly.
904
00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,858
That's a maneuver
that could easily kill a person.
905
00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:06,696
Look! It's spreading.
906
00:52:06,915 --> 00:52:08,701
Aunt Carol, no!
907
00:52:10,210 --> 00:52:11,370
That's the move!
908
00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:14,670
Look, she's attempting
little tiny stampy stamps.
909
00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,668
She's flipping her hair
back and forth,
910
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,499
or at least trying.
911
00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:22,674
And she's even making
that little squealy sound
912
00:52:22,890 --> 00:52:24,050
that makes puppies pee.
913
00:52:24,266 --> 00:52:26,678
Isabella: Definitely gigglecide!
914
00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:28,976
You know, I think
it really is the meatloaf.
915
00:52:29,188 --> 00:52:32,931
Do you think the meatloaf
is finally making everyone crazy?
916
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,766
Jamie's voice:
One can hardly imagine the madness
917
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:39,524
going on inside the mind of bruntford.
918
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:44,279
J what is it about school cafeterias j
919
00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:47,953
j that makes the meatloaf
so mysterious? J
920
00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:51,908
j gets you hooked
like a book by dickens j
921
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:56,621
j add gray gravy
and the plot just thickens j
922
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,503
- j what magic's in the meat? J
- J magic
923
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,426
j what makes it
such a treat to eat? J
924
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:07,097
j makes you want to move
your feet to the beat
925
00:53:07,309 --> 00:53:09,140
j and wiggle and giggle j
926
00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:12,390
women:
J what magic's in the meat? J
927
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:16,394
- j what happens in that oven j
- J magic j
928
00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:21,229
j that turns 'em into
meatloaf-lovin' fools like me? J
929
00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:25,782
j it's a meatloaf mystery... j
930
00:53:25,994 --> 00:53:27,404
yum.
931
00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:31,830
J don't you dare question
my strange ingredient j
932
00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:35,955
j my recipe demands obedience j
933
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,832
j you know you're hungry j
934
00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:39,788
j don't try to fight it j
935
00:53:40,008 --> 00:53:43,466
j you're gonna eat it
and you're gonna like it j
936
00:53:43,679 --> 00:53:48,093
- j what is that secret flavor j
- J magic
937
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:51,391
j that makes you want
to squeeze your neighbor? J
938
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:55,596
j can't you see
it's a meatloaf mystery? J
939
00:53:55,816 --> 00:53:57,647
j don't touch that broccoli j
940
00:53:57,860 --> 00:53:59,646
j not so hasty j
941
00:53:59,862 --> 00:54:01,568
j come try a bite of me j
942
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:03,145
j mmm, you know I'm tasty j
943
00:54:03,365 --> 00:54:07,984
- j what magic's in the meat? J
- J magic
944
00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:10,990
j what makes it such a treat to eat? J
945
00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:14,698
j makes you want to move your feet
to the beat j
946
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:16,454
j and wiggle and giggle... j
947
00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:19,707
j what magic's in the meat? J
948
00:54:19,923 --> 00:54:22,790
- j what happens in that oven j
- J magic j
949
00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:28,425
j that turns 'em
into meatloaf-lovin' fools j
950
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,505
j like me? J
951
00:54:30,726 --> 00:54:37,723
j it's a meatloaf mystery j
952
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:41,980
j magic in the meat j
953
00:54:42,988 --> 00:54:45,946
Jamie! Jamie, eat your meatloaf!
954
00:54:46,158 --> 00:54:49,571
If you're not going to eat it,
then I will.
955
00:54:51,497 --> 00:54:52,953
Hmm!
956
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:58,371
Call 9-1...
957
00:55:00,088 --> 00:55:01,544
Isabella: Wait a minute.
958
00:55:01,757 --> 00:55:04,999
The office ladies are here,
959
00:55:05,219 --> 00:55:08,711
which means the office is empty.
960
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:12,719
If any permanent record
wanted to disappear forever,
961
00:55:12,935 --> 00:55:15,392
now would sure be a great time.
962
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:17,936
Oh.
963
00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:23,225
Woman: This is ridiculous.
964
00:55:23,445 --> 00:55:25,731
Devon: Well, Holly,
I have feelings for you.
965
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:28,030
They're just the wrong ones,
I guess.
966
00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:29,903
- ===
- Holly: I can't believe this.
967
00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,609
There was a lot of time and effort
that was put into that.
968
00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:35,367
- Um, what, the Valentine?
- Holly: Yes!
969
00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:38,415
- It's a beautiful Valentine.
- Yes, it is. It's got glitter.
970
00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:41,147
Holly, acceptance is seeing
with your heart, not with your eyes.
971
00:55:41,213 --> 00:55:43,454
Oh! I don't want to talk about it.
972
00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:45,460
- Holly, don't take it personally.
- Don't!
973
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:48,258
Holly, the road to success
is always paved with destruction!
974
00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:50,176
Holly: Stop it! No!
975
00:56:05,988 --> 00:56:10,448
Jamie's voice:
Wait. That's the Valentine I made.
976
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:13,617
Dan. How about lunch.
Miss Anderson.
977
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,962
Stinker.
978
00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:30,918
They say guilt can make you
do strange things.
979
00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:36,431
Who knew putting yourself
in a candy coma
980
00:56:36,643 --> 00:56:38,725
would be one of them?
981
00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:45,857
I can't tell if I feel sick
982
00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:50,233
because I stole Angeline's record
983
00:56:50,449 --> 00:56:54,613
or because I just at
10 chocolate bars in a row.
984
00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:58,369
Fine, 32.
985
00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:01,289
Hey, Jamie, I know...
986
00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,037
Wow, okay.
987
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,584
Okay.
988
00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:07,663
I know that you are doing
some serious jump-rope training
989
00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:11,421
and fundraising, and I get
that it may be stressing you out.
990
00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:14,219
But you really need to clean
your room.
991
00:57:14,431 --> 00:57:17,969
We are having a little party here
for aunt Carol on Saturday night
992
00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:20,267
and we need this to be
the coat room.
993
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:22,265
And I am afraid
994
00:57:22,481 --> 00:57:25,143
that there may be things alive
995
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,839
under this pile of...
996
00:57:26,902 --> 00:57:30,360
What?! Jamie! Whaaa!
997
00:57:30,572 --> 00:57:32,563
Thanks for the support.
998
00:57:36,078 --> 00:57:38,820
No more chocolate!
999
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:49,246
Stinker, have you seen
my dumb diary anywhere?
1000
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:52,253
I should have excavated
down to it by now.
1001
00:57:55,931 --> 00:57:57,922
Where is it?
1002
00:58:13,865 --> 00:58:15,776
No. No. No.
1003
00:58:18,161 --> 00:58:19,822
Ew!
1004
00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:42,549
I still feel sick.
1005
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:44,259
Jamie's high voice: Jamie.
1006
00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:45,719
Do you want to feel sick,
1007
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,021
sick of yourself
for the rest of your life?
1008
00:58:48,233 --> 00:58:50,461
Jamie's low voice: Do you ever think
you'll stop feeling sick
1009
00:58:50,485 --> 00:58:52,726
until Angeline's gone for good?
1010
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,608
There's something wrong
with your little floating doughnut.
1011
00:58:55,824 --> 00:58:57,439
It's a halo, stupid!
1012
00:58:57,659 --> 00:58:59,650
Guys, the record!
1013
00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:03,203
High voice: Don't do it, Jamie.
You don't know the consequences.
1014
00:59:03,415 --> 00:59:06,122
What if you're forced
to wear stripes in prison?
1015
00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:07,824
Horizontal stripes!
1016
00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:09,125
So unflattering!
1017
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:10,622
Go away.
1018
00:59:23,935 --> 00:59:25,471
Oh! Isabella!
1019
00:59:25,687 --> 00:59:26,972
Isabella.
1020
00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:28,929
I feel like my inner beauty
might be fading.
1021
00:59:29,149 --> 00:59:30,668
We need to go around
and raise more money
1022
00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:32,523
for the juvenile
optometry federation.
1023
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:35,853
Um, well,
we don't have to anymore.
1024
00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:39,941
See, I sent them all the money
and now they have enough.
1025
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,570
What?
1026
00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,991
We totally filled up
an entire charity?
1027
00:59:48,418 --> 00:59:51,501
Isabella! Isabella!
1028
00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:55,213
What happened to your eyes?
1029
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:58,508
They're green, like jelly beans.
1030
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,711
I got contacts. Cool, huh?
1031
01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:02,796
Where'd you get the money
for contacts?
1032
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,972
The juvenile optometry federation.
1033
01:00:05,185 --> 01:00:06,846
Plus I had a few bucks saved up.
1034
01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,559
Forget the signature lip-gloss flavor.
1035
01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:14,061
Now it's my eyes
that everyone will notice.
1036
01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:16,563
Isabella, what about
all the inner beauty
1037
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:17,780
we worked so hard for?
1038
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:20,275
Look, they're in my eyes, right?
1039
01:00:20,492 --> 01:00:23,529
And they're beautiful.
Bang... inner beauty.
1040
01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:27,283
They didn't have the tinted ones,
so I colored them in myself.
1041
01:00:27,499 --> 01:00:29,785
I may have used a little bit
too much green marker
1042
01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,458
and I... I might have wrecked
the left one.
1043
01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:35,955
Mommy.
1044
01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:39,291
- You faked a charity!
- And you helped me.
1045
01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:42,218
Right, so if I rat you out,
I'll be in as much trouble as you.
1046
01:00:43,723 --> 01:00:45,304
We faked the principal,
1047
01:00:45,517 --> 01:00:48,384
which is like faking out the president!
1048
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,764
But when you say it like that,
it sounds bad!
1049
01:00:50,981 --> 01:00:52,542
They're supposed
to interview us next week.
1050
01:00:52,566 --> 01:00:54,086
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
1051
01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:55,849
Lie in print, to the whole city?
1052
01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:57,338
What kind of supportive
friend are you?
1053
01:00:57,362 --> 01:01:01,446
- Me?! You lied, Isabella!
- I don't need this, Jamie!
1054
01:01:08,456 --> 01:01:10,412
No. No. To the right.
No. Your other right.
1055
01:01:11,918 --> 01:01:14,330
So much for
my over-the-shoulder shot.
1056
01:01:23,138 --> 01:01:26,175
Devon: Bottom line,
Isabella is selfish.
1057
01:01:26,391 --> 01:01:28,473
You don't want
to end up like that.
1058
01:01:36,985 --> 01:01:39,146
Hey!
1059
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:41,648
Did you hear they might stop
serving meatloaf
1060
01:01:41,865 --> 01:01:43,105
since it poisoned bruntford?
1061
01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:46,491
Looks like now they're serving...
1062
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,444
What do you old people eat, anyway?
1063
01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:52,997
- Uh, beef stew and noodles.
- Bran muffins.
1064
01:01:53,210 --> 01:01:55,747
- Yeah! That's what they have.
- No!
1065
01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:57,042
Jamie's voice: I've learned
1066
01:01:57,214 --> 01:02:00,547
that it's really not that hard
to fool adults.
1067
01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:04,923
And this is in no way
comforting to us kids.
1068
01:02:35,418 --> 01:02:37,830
Hey, guys, check this out.
1069
01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:39,502
Why not?
1070
01:02:43,343 --> 01:02:46,551
Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly
too cute for me.
1071
01:02:46,763 --> 01:02:49,379
I'm right on the edge of adorable."
1072
01:02:49,599 --> 01:02:51,464
Boy: Oh, my gosh!
1073
01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:54,848
"But if I'm really really lucky
and keep my fingers crossed,
1074
01:02:55,063 --> 01:02:57,054
he could become mildly disfigured.”
1075
01:02:59,567 --> 01:03:02,479
"Then Hudson and I
would be on the same level!"
1076
01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:09,570
Hey, can I see that?
1077
01:03:15,542 --> 01:03:17,282
It's you!
1078
01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:20,369
You're so upbeat and encouraging.
What is it you always say?
1079
01:03:20,588 --> 01:03:22,124
- "We're all in this to..."
- Sorry.
1080
01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:25,503
You're on your own, "cupcake."
1081
01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:35,013
Hey, honey,
sorry you're not feeling well.
1082
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:38,724
I can't believe I did the right thing.
1083
01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:41,431
Whatever made me feel
like I should do the right thing?
1084
01:03:41,651 --> 01:03:43,892
What's that?
1085
01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:45,693
Nothing.
1086
01:03:45,905 --> 01:03:48,112
I just need to go home
and lie down.
1087
01:03:51,995 --> 01:03:56,830
Dear dumb piece of paper,
1088
01:03:57,042 --> 01:03:59,954
I'm writing to you
instead of my diary
1089
01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:04,254
because my diary has been stolen.
1090
01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:07,461
Of course you understand
1091
01:04:07,677 --> 01:04:11,386
that I am de-stroyed!
1092
01:04:11,598 --> 01:04:13,463
I don't think
1093
01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:17,016
I'll ever be able
to return to school again...
1094
01:04:18,563 --> 01:04:23,398
Unless I get extreme plastic surgery
1095
01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:26,067
so no one will recognize me.
1096
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:28,019
But considering
1097
01:04:28,239 --> 01:04:30,150
my mom won't even
buy me a cell phone,
1098
01:04:30,367 --> 01:04:33,128
I don't know how I'm going to get her
to spring for plastic surgery...
1099
01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:38,489
Just because I'm too embarrassed
to be myself at school.
1100
01:04:38,708 --> 01:04:43,543
And in case my children
are reading this years from now,
1101
01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,337
this is the exact moment
1102
01:04:46,549 --> 01:04:48,505
that Angeline ruined any chance
1103
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:51,835
of everlasting love
between your father and me.
1104
01:04:52,055 --> 01:04:55,673
And it's her fault
your last name is "buttalington"
1105
01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:58,929
or something lame like that.
1106
01:05:01,523 --> 01:05:03,559
The future.
1107
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:08,981
I wonder if when I'm older,
1108
01:05:09,197 --> 01:05:11,563
any of this will even matter.
1109
01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:20,956
So what if middle-school Jamie
is a total loser?
1110
01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:23,533
It's not gonna be that way
for future Jamie.
1111
01:05:32,804 --> 01:05:34,920
J dear future Jamie j
1112
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:37,176
j it's me, I mean it's you j
1113
01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:39,053
j only younger j
1114
01:05:39,269 --> 01:05:43,638
j do you remember
how complicated life used to be j
1115
01:05:43,857 --> 01:05:46,940
j when everything seemed
so unfair? J
1116
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:50,565
j but you don't care anymore,
do you? J
1117
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,941
j what with your fabulous career j
1118
01:05:53,158 --> 01:05:55,365
j as United States ambassador j
1119
01:05:55,577 --> 01:05:58,614
j and your movie-star boyfriend j
1120
01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:02,789
j and I bet you never shed
a single tear for me j
1121
01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:05,083
j Jamie of the past j
1122
01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:07,251
j 'cause you grew up really fast j
1123
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,125
j like your new scooter j
1124
01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:13,834
j so how's the weather in Bermuda? J
1125
01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:16,169
j dear future Jamie j
1126
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:18,220
j just look at you now j
1127
01:06:18,433 --> 01:06:19,889
j in your big beach house j
1128
01:06:20,101 --> 01:06:21,762
j with your personal staff j
1129
01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:24,765
j and have you ever told them
that old story j
1130
01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:27,472
j 'bout how they stole your diary
fromme j
1131
01:06:27,692 --> 01:06:30,650
j oh boy,
I bet that gets a good laugh j
1132
01:06:30,862 --> 01:06:33,478
j but that was long before
you won the Oscar j
1133
01:06:33,698 --> 01:06:35,188
j and the nobel prize j
1134
01:06:35,408 --> 01:06:37,649
j and started
saving Sunday afternoons
1135
01:06:37,869 --> 01:06:39,700
j for family joyrides j
1136
01:06:39,913 --> 01:06:42,950
j in your environmentally-friendly
convertible car j
1137
01:06:43,166 --> 01:06:46,408
j just chillin'
with your totally hot husband j
1138
01:06:46,628 --> 01:06:49,995
j and your genius children j
1139
01:06:50,215 --> 01:06:54,504
j guess by now you've found
the cure for aids or cancer j
1140
01:06:54,719 --> 01:06:58,837
j maybe you're a ballet
or a belly dancer
1141
01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,888
j you're probably an astronaut j
1142
01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:03,466
j the first to walk on Mars j
1143
01:07:03,686 --> 01:07:09,022
j maybe you're in Hollywood
among the movie stars j
1144
01:07:09,234 --> 01:07:11,816
j you are so beautiful j
1145
01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:13,734
j dear future Jamie j
1146
01:07:13,947 --> 01:07:17,986
j you really light up a room
when you walk in j
1147
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:20,817
j and people like you
and they listen j
1148
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,198
j and they notice
when you're missin'
1149
01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:28,625
j 'cause your everybody's
favorite friend j
1150
01:07:31,548 --> 01:07:33,880
don't you know
you're all of those things already?
1151
01:07:37,178 --> 01:07:40,011
This turned up at school today.
1152
01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:44,136
Don't tell me you know
all about my public humiliation too.
1153
01:07:44,352 --> 01:07:46,183
That bad, huh?
1154
01:07:53,778 --> 01:07:56,565
- I understand.
- No, you don't.
1155
01:07:56,781 --> 01:07:59,864
- You were basically born cool.
- Oh, really?
1156
01:08:00,076 --> 01:08:02,276
You think I haven't been through
something so mortifying
1157
01:08:02,370 --> 01:08:04,410
that I thought my only option
was to have my parents
1158
01:08:04,455 --> 01:08:06,366
buy me my own private island?
1159
01:08:06,583 --> 01:08:08,824
Seventh grade...
1160
01:08:09,043 --> 01:08:11,580
And my brief but
1161
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:14,128
torrid romance with Lex steel.
1162
01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:17,173
Oh, he was so handsome.
1163
01:08:17,385 --> 01:08:20,843
He and I had been passing notes
for three weeks in english class.
1164
01:08:21,055 --> 01:08:24,468
And the tension between us
had become unbearable.
1165
01:08:28,771 --> 01:08:32,434
Somehow I knew
it was all coming to a head
1166
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:35,312
at the St. Martha's
Valentine's day dance.
1167
01:08:35,528 --> 01:08:39,191
Well, I was so nervous,
I couldn't stop eating.
1168
01:08:39,407 --> 01:08:43,070
Basically everything on the snack table
went in my mouth.
1169
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,653
I mean everything.
1170
01:08:48,499 --> 01:08:50,490
I mean, to this day,
1171
01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:54,294
I can feel my heart
beating in my throat
1172
01:08:54,505 --> 01:08:58,418
when I saw him cross the floor
to tell me how he felt about me.
1173
01:08:58,635 --> 01:08:59,635
What'd he say?!
1174
01:08:59,844 --> 01:09:01,129
He said something like...
1175
01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:05,510
Hey, Carol,
I think you're righteous.
1176
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:08,011
Wanna dance to the next
Bryan Adams song with me?
1177
01:09:08,227 --> 01:09:10,058
I was completely overwhelmed.
1178
01:09:10,271 --> 01:09:13,855
Nothing like this had ever
happened to me before.
1179
01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:18,026
There was just one thing to do.
1180
01:09:18,237 --> 01:09:20,899
I threw up on Lex.
1181
01:09:21,115 --> 01:09:24,198
Ew, no no no! Puke!
My imagination can't handle it.
1182
01:09:24,410 --> 01:09:28,278
Let me think about something else.
Storybooks, glitter...
1183
01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:31,205
Oh, I got it... gummy bears!
Keep on going.
1184
01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:37,411
Then I threw up in the punch bowl.
1185
01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:42,884
Then I threw up all over
these delicious chocolate muffins.
1186
01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:45,633
That's horrible.
1187
01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:46,963
Horrible.
1188
01:09:47,183 --> 01:09:49,640
Then you guys got together, right?
1189
01:09:49,852 --> 01:09:51,433
No, not really.
1190
01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,682
But the next guy was even better?
1191
01:09:53,898 --> 01:09:57,356
No, the next couple after
were pretty much creeps.
1192
01:09:57,568 --> 01:10:00,435
Eventually everybody
finds someone, right?
1193
01:10:00,655 --> 01:10:05,274
No, I have a cousin who's basically
alone and old and crusty.
1194
01:10:05,493 --> 01:10:07,029
Lots of cats.
1195
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:11,116
So basically you're saying
that love is painful and embarrassing.
1196
01:10:11,332 --> 01:10:12,617
Yes.
1197
01:10:12,834 --> 01:10:16,326
And also the best thing
in the world.
1198
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:18,286
And you're gonna do it anyway,
1199
01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:22,294
so you might as well
stop fighting it and just enjoy it.
1200
01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:23,590
Hmm.
1201
01:10:27,306 --> 01:10:28,637
Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
1202
01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:31,842
tomorrow, as you know,
is the dumb jump-a-thon.
1203
01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:35,724
I really don't know
if I should show my face.
1204
01:10:35,940 --> 01:10:38,977
But what if aunt Carol is right
1205
01:10:39,193 --> 01:10:42,401
and life is just a series
of embarrassing stories?
1206
01:10:44,031 --> 01:10:45,817
Then I might as well
go for it anyway.
1207
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,319
And who knows what could happen?
1208
01:11:04,677 --> 01:11:06,258
Hyah!
1209
01:11:08,139 --> 01:11:10,972
Jamie's voice: Okay, no ninjas.
1210
01:11:11,184 --> 01:11:13,345
Actually, surprisingly normal.
1211
01:11:17,523 --> 01:11:19,809
Ahh!
1212
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:22,108
Jamie's voice:
Let's check out the competition.
1213
01:11:34,248 --> 01:11:35,738
Hi, Hudson!
1214
01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:07,937
Are you okay?
1215
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:10,443
I can't do it.
1216
01:12:11,744 --> 01:12:13,109
What?
1217
01:12:14,622 --> 01:12:16,704
I can't jump a rope by myself.
1218
01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:19,578
And look... my pledge sheets.
1219
01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:22,752
There must be 300 names on here.
1220
01:12:22,964 --> 01:12:24,420
That's just the first page.
1221
01:12:24,632 --> 01:12:27,089
I made a big push
for sponsors this weekend.
1222
01:12:27,301 --> 01:12:29,337
All this money.
1223
01:12:29,554 --> 01:12:33,968
And I'm gonna blow it for the school
'cause I can't jump a stupid rope.
1224
01:12:39,564 --> 01:12:40,804
Wait.
1225
01:12:41,023 --> 01:12:44,481
Did she say "the school"?
1226
01:12:44,694 --> 01:12:47,686
No, no, no, not the school.
1227
01:12:47,905 --> 01:12:50,112
Why'd she have to mention
the school?
1228
01:12:50,324 --> 01:12:54,237
If I let Angeline fail, it would be
a huge loss for this school.
1229
01:12:54,453 --> 01:12:57,115
No one else
had near as many sponsors.
1230
01:12:57,331 --> 01:13:00,823
Without this money,
think of what might happen.
1231
01:13:02,837 --> 01:13:05,203
The marching band
could be cut down to one person
1232
01:13:05,423 --> 01:13:06,423
with a kazoo.
1233
01:13:07,717 --> 01:13:10,880
They might have to stop
giving teachers free coffee.
1234
01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:13,882
But the most devastating thing of all
1235
01:13:14,098 --> 01:13:16,464
was losing the art program.
1236
01:13:16,684 --> 01:13:21,428
Not just for me, but for all the kids
that might not get the chance
1237
01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:23,638
to express
their inner awesomeness.
1238
01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:27,271
I guess I know
I'm just letting everybody down.
1239
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:28,942
And with that one sentence,
1240
01:13:29,155 --> 01:13:31,396
she made my inner beauty
squirt out of me
1241
01:13:31,616 --> 01:13:36,326
till I was standing in a puddle
of my own loveliness.
1242
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,902
I got it!
1243
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:44,291
Coach Dover, do jumpers
have to hold the ropes themselves
1244
01:13:44,503 --> 01:13:46,869
- or can they just jump it?
- All right, let's check.
1245
01:13:47,089 --> 01:13:48,289
'Cause if they had to hold it,
1246
01:13:48,341 --> 01:13:50,297
it wouldn't be fair
to people with no hands,
1247
01:13:50,509 --> 01:13:53,125
- like pirates, right?
- Uh, "length of rope...
1248
01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:55,257
Natural versus nylon fiber..."
Huh.
1249
01:13:55,473 --> 01:13:57,213
Um, okay, "peg legs..."
Oh, here we go.
1250
01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:00,345
The jumper only has to jump.
Somebody else can twirl the rope.
1251
01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:02,472
Isabella!
1252
01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:07,103
Isabella, I need you to help me
twirl the rope for Angeline.
1253
01:14:07,318 --> 01:14:09,229
She has way more pledges
than I ever had.
1254
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,560
Don't care.
1255
01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,487
It's the right thing to do
for the sake of the school.
1256
01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,985
Forget it.
1257
01:14:17,411 --> 01:14:20,778
Isabella, either you do this
or I'll tell your parents
1258
01:14:20,998 --> 01:14:22,798
how you got the money
for your contact lenses.
1259
01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:26,497
Then you'll be grounded
until you graduate from college!
1260
01:14:30,341 --> 01:14:32,502
I'm just moved.
1261
01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:35,755
After all these years, you've finally
learned something from me.
1262
01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:37,928
Blackmail?
1263
01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:41,974
Now if I say yes,
will you get your butt off my chest?
1264
01:14:42,186 --> 01:14:43,847
Oh, yeah.
1265
01:14:46,440 --> 01:14:48,280
Jamie's voice:
Angeline jumped for a long time.
1266
01:14:48,401 --> 01:14:50,983
This was probably going to be
her biggest jackpot yet,
1267
01:14:51,195 --> 01:14:54,779
and her beauty and fame
were going to skyrocket.
1268
01:14:54,991 --> 01:14:57,573
I was furious and delighted
at the same time.
1269
01:14:57,785 --> 01:14:59,821
Hey, Angeline, how come
you can only jump this way?
1270
01:15:00,037 --> 01:15:02,265
'Cause I need both hands
to keep the hair out of my eyes.
1271
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:03,850
You could put it in a ponytail,
you know.
1272
01:15:03,874 --> 01:15:06,581
Oh, yeah, good one.
1273
01:15:06,794 --> 01:15:09,957
And the winner of the first-ever
district jump-a-thon
1274
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:12,834
is mackerel's very own Angeline!
1275
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,388
My arms are killing me.
1276
01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:27,345
I feel like I have a Charley horse
on my shoulder.
1277
01:15:27,565 --> 01:15:29,851
I feel like I have
a Charley horse on my heart.
1278
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,523
I can't believe I helped Angeline
1279
01:15:31,736 --> 01:15:33,852
after she read my diary
in the cafeteria.
1280
01:15:34,071 --> 01:15:36,813
Cafeteria?
You don't know what happened?
1281
01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:40,859
Isabella: Well, I couldn't see
where I was going
1282
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,911
and I ended up making a circle
1283
01:15:44,123 --> 01:15:47,286
just in time to find myself at the table
behind Angeline and her friends.
1284
01:15:47,501 --> 01:15:50,493
Boy: "Maybe he is
just slightly too cute for me.
1285
01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:54,251
I'm right on the edge of adorable."
1286
01:15:54,467 --> 01:15:57,630
Isabella: I'd heard that phrase before
because you had said it to me.
1287
01:15:57,845 --> 01:15:59,836
So therefore I knew it was your diary.
1288
01:16:00,056 --> 01:16:03,093
Boy: "Then Hudson and I
would be on the same level."
1289
01:16:03,309 --> 01:16:05,345
Boys: Oh!
1290
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:07,722
Isabella: Then I heard...
1291
01:16:07,938 --> 01:16:09,394
Hey, can I see that?
1292
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:19,105
Oh, this is my cousin Jenny's diary.
1293
01:16:19,325 --> 01:16:22,442
Uh, Hudson Johnson.
That's who she's talking about.
1294
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:24,492
Jenny goes to weeks middle school.
1295
01:16:24,705 --> 01:16:27,788
She's gonna be so glad
that I found this.
1296
01:16:30,044 --> 01:16:31,830
She didn't rat me out.
1297
01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:37,506
But that doesn't make any sense.
1298
01:16:37,718 --> 01:16:39,879
Then why isn't Hudson
talking to me?
1299
01:16:40,888 --> 01:16:42,532
Isabella stepped on my throat
1300
01:16:42,556 --> 01:16:44,092
while I was doing
my warm-up stretches.
1301
01:16:44,308 --> 01:16:47,175
I... I didn't see him lying there.
1302
01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:54,841
It was really cool of you guys
to help out Angeline that way.
1303
01:16:54,944 --> 01:16:56,264
You guys really saved the school.
1304
01:16:56,403 --> 01:16:59,611
Probably. Yeah.
Whole lotta probably.
1305
01:16:59,824 --> 01:17:03,237
A ton! Difficult to measure, really.
Infinitely!
1306
01:17:03,452 --> 01:17:07,536
Jamie, there's something
I feel that I have to say.
1307
01:17:07,748 --> 01:17:10,364
What is it, Hudson?
1308
01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:15,710
Taste a little blood in my mouth.
1309
01:17:15,923 --> 01:17:17,959
Me too, Hudson! I always have.
1310
01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,175
What?
1311
01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:21,421
I think Isabella
really hurt my throat.
1312
01:17:21,637 --> 01:17:23,719
I should go see the nurse.
1313
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:28,049
Ah! He is so into me!
1314
01:17:29,436 --> 01:17:31,552
Jamie's voice:
Remember that little get-together
1315
01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:34,809
my aunt Carol was having?
Guess what that meant.
1316
01:17:35,025 --> 01:17:38,609
Actual teachers in my actual house.
1317
01:17:40,030 --> 01:17:42,362
Seeing a live teacher
in your own home
1318
01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:45,612
is like seeing a live orangutan
in your own home.
1319
01:17:45,828 --> 01:17:48,035
You just don't know how to react.
1320
01:17:48,247 --> 01:17:51,535
Miss Palmer was wearing a dress.
1321
01:17:51,750 --> 01:17:53,331
It was actually kind of flattering.
1322
01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:57,378
She looked like a nice couch
tipped on its edge.
1323
01:17:57,590 --> 01:18:01,208
And coach Dover?
Turns out his real name is...
1324
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:02,542
- Ben.
- That's right.
1325
01:18:02,761 --> 01:18:05,298
Ben Dover! Can you believe it?
1326
01:18:05,514 --> 01:18:07,505
Aunt Carol, careful!
Watch where you're...
1327
01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:10,101
Going.
1328
01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:12,643
Jamie's voice:
I could hardly stand it.
1329
01:18:12,855 --> 01:18:16,439
It was one of those awesomely horrible
types of kisses
1330
01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:19,608
that is super gross
and super excellent at the same time,
1331
01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:23,563
like two people trying
to chew one piece of gum.
1332
01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:25,397
Devon's aunt Carol's mystery man?
1333
01:18:25,618 --> 01:18:27,825
That explains the big smooch.
1334
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:32,656
I guess lots of women
are attracted to men with power.
1335
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,740
Voldemort.
1336
01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:37,451
- What was that?
- Nothing.
1337
01:18:37,671 --> 01:18:41,459
So what happened
to your contacts?
1338
01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:44,712
It was so weird.
I couldn't see anything with them on.
1339
01:18:44,929 --> 01:18:48,092
Hey, guys, I'm supposed to tell you
that Mrs. Anderson couldn't join us.
1340
01:18:48,307 --> 01:18:49,467
She isn't feeling well.
1341
01:18:49,683 --> 01:18:51,043
Angeline, what are you doing here?
1342
01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:53,387
I'm so glad you're here, Angeline.
You're just in time.
1343
01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:57,062
I have a little announcement to make.
1344
01:18:57,274 --> 01:18:59,515
I'd like to introduce you
to the future Mrs. Devon.
1345
01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,568
Carol and I are engaged!
1346
01:19:02,780 --> 01:19:06,648
Congratulations, uncle Dan.
1347
01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:09,654
Uncle Dan?! Wait.
1348
01:19:09,870 --> 01:19:14,739
Does this mean Angeline and I
are going to be related?
1349
01:19:14,959 --> 01:19:17,075
I think it makes you
second cousins.
1350
01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:19,080
Or third.
1351
01:19:19,296 --> 01:19:22,379
Ah, I'm really not sure how it works.
1352
01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:29,587
Jamie's voice: Angeline knew
about this the whole time
1353
01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:32,264
and was taking some sick delight in it.
1354
01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:34,683
Maybe Angeline's not all bad.
1355
01:19:34,895 --> 01:19:37,386
But do I still have
to be related to her?!
1356
01:19:46,198 --> 01:19:48,359
Jamie's voice:
It was as though nobody on earth
1357
01:19:48,575 --> 01:19:53,319
could fully grasp the tragedy
of me being related to Angeline...
1358
01:19:54,331 --> 01:19:56,993
Except maybe stinker.
1359
01:20:03,924 --> 01:20:06,027
- Oh, that is worse than my meatloaf!
- Jamie: Stinker!
1360
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,793
That is worse than my meatloaf!
1361
01:20:09,013 --> 01:20:12,380
Ahh! Oh oh oh!
1362
01:20:12,599 --> 01:20:14,089
Are you kidding?!
1363
01:20:14,310 --> 01:20:17,552
Jamie's voice:
He had been saving one massive fart up
1364
01:20:17,771 --> 01:20:19,181
the whole time.
1365
01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:21,389
Devon: I can taste it!
1366
01:20:21,608 --> 01:20:25,476
Vandoy: What was that?!
1367
01:20:25,696 --> 01:20:29,780
I guess we forgot to ask stinker
if he wanted guests over.
1368
01:20:32,661 --> 01:20:33,901
That was terrible.
1369
01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:37,204
Jamie's voice: Look at these people.
1370
01:20:37,416 --> 01:20:39,256
I guess it's good to know
that when you grow up
1371
01:20:39,460 --> 01:20:41,200
into a mature, polite adult,
1372
01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:43,877
you don't actually
become mature or polite,
1373
01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,920
or an adult.
1374
01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:53,087
I wanted to say thanks for covering
for me in the cafeteria.
1375
01:20:53,307 --> 01:20:55,593
I didn't read your diary, you know.
1376
01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:57,549
Oh, I know that.
1377
01:20:57,770 --> 01:20:59,886
I mean, thanks.
1378
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,936
Thank you for helping me
with the jump-a-thon.
1379
01:21:02,149 --> 01:21:04,356
I wouldn't have raised
a single dollar without you.
1380
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:06,684
And because of that,
1381
01:21:06,904 --> 01:21:09,520
it looks like we won't
lose the art program at all.
1382
01:21:09,740 --> 01:21:10,740
Really?!
1383
01:21:10,949 --> 01:21:12,260
I'll have to mention that
to the newspaper
1384
01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:14,195
when they do their article
on you on Monday.
1385
01:21:14,411 --> 01:21:15,867
Oh, yeah.
1386
01:21:16,080 --> 01:21:18,287
The article.
1387
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,952
Isabella:
Assistant principal Devon,
1388
01:21:24,171 --> 01:21:28,084
meet the recipients
of the juvenile optometry federation.
1389
01:21:28,300 --> 01:21:29,980
Jamie's voice:
I know what you're thinking.
1390
01:21:30,052 --> 01:21:32,088
And no, we didn't hire these kids.
1391
01:21:32,304 --> 01:21:34,090
We found real students
that needed glasses
1392
01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:36,217
by talking to our school counselor.
1393
01:21:36,433 --> 01:21:39,425
We got so good at raising money,
we just raised a little more.
1394
01:21:39,645 --> 01:21:42,478
Isabella's mom even gave us
a big donation
1395
01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:44,805
from Isabella's allowance fund.
1396
01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:48,392
And now juvenile optometry
federation is a real charity.
1397
01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:50,648
- It was my idea.
- Jamie's voice: And it was.
1398
01:21:58,288 --> 01:22:01,325
Look how charitably foxy we look.
1399
01:22:01,542 --> 01:22:03,248
That's me!
1400
01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:10,418
Maybe we all have inner beauty.
1401
01:22:10,634 --> 01:22:12,590
Is that possible?
1402
01:22:19,059 --> 01:22:21,266
Even the girls who fake charities,
1403
01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:25,895
and the underpants-strewing beagles,
1404
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:30,271
and the meatloaf makers...
1405
01:22:30,487 --> 01:22:31,943
Even the pencil-eaters,
1406
01:22:32,156 --> 01:22:35,899
and the moms who cook things
that could possibly poison you.
1407
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:40,907
And even the girls
with tons of outer beauty.
1408
01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:43,535
Maybe they do.
1409
01:22:43,750 --> 01:22:45,866
Maybe we all do.
1410
01:22:47,754 --> 01:22:50,791
And sometimes you think you need
colored contact lenses,
1411
01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:52,873
or tricked-out jump-a-thons,
1412
01:22:53,093 --> 01:22:56,426
or some boy's attention
to make you think you shine.
1413
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:03,726
But like a wretched dog fart
in the middle of an engagement party,
1414
01:23:03,937 --> 01:23:08,727
beauty usually just comes bubbling up
when you least expect it.
1415
01:23:08,942 --> 01:23:11,103
Thanks for listening, dumb diary.
1416
01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:15,395
Hello?
1417
01:23:15,616 --> 01:23:18,323
Angeline, I'm so glad you called.
1418
01:23:18,535 --> 01:23:20,150
I have something major to tell you.
1419
01:23:20,370 --> 01:23:23,862
I accidentally stole your school record.
1420
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:27,245
I returned it, but I swear
I didn't read a single word.
1421
01:23:27,461 --> 01:23:29,702
OMG!
1422
01:23:29,922 --> 01:23:32,038
That record could destroy me.
1423
01:23:32,257 --> 01:23:33,997
You would not believe what's in there.
1424
01:23:34,218 --> 01:23:36,800
Anyway, I just called to say
1425
01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:39,048
that even though
we're gonna be cousins,
1426
01:23:39,264 --> 01:23:41,596
Hudson is still my date to the wedding.
1427
01:23:41,808 --> 01:23:43,673
Toodles!
1428
01:23:45,521 --> 01:23:47,762
Uh...
1429
01:23:56,490 --> 01:23:59,027
This is your life too!
Get up and dance.
1430
01:24:00,494 --> 01:24:02,735
J hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you j
1431
01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:07,372
j my your parents be haunted
and the fun continue j
1432
01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:11,126
j is that your lip gloss that I smell? J
1433
01:24:13,131 --> 01:24:15,292
j may the watermelon flavor
serve you well j
1434
01:24:21,682 --> 01:24:24,515
J and I just want to say j
1435
01:24:24,726 --> 01:24:28,844
j just want to say thanks
for listening j
1436
01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:33,023
j and I just want to say j
1437
01:24:33,235 --> 01:24:37,569
j just want to say thanks
for listening j
1438
01:24:37,781 --> 01:24:42,491
j and at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me j
1439
01:24:42,703 --> 01:24:46,070
j and I just want to say
thanks for listening j
1440
01:24:51,503 --> 01:24:53,459
J hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you j
1441
01:24:55,257 --> 01:24:57,964
j may you always outlive
the cafeteria menu j
1442
01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:02,006
j I've been told that life ain't fair j
1443
01:25:03,765 --> 01:25:06,347
j but I really really wish
I had perfect hair j
1444
01:25:12,357 --> 01:25:15,394
J and I just want to say j
1445
01:25:15,611 --> 01:25:19,775
j just want to say
thanks for listening j
1446
01:25:21,116 --> 01:25:24,233
j and I just want to say j
1447
01:25:24,453 --> 01:25:26,819
j just want to say j
1448
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:29,246
j thanks for listening j
1449
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:33,576
j and at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me j
1450
01:25:33,795 --> 01:25:36,582
j and I just want to say
thanks for listening j
1451
01:25:50,479 --> 01:25:54,813
J it's so completely random,
don't you see? J
1452
01:25:55,025 --> 01:25:59,018
j now you've seen
the other side of me j
1453
01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:02,070
j did you teach your dog
to fart your grandma's name? J
1454
01:26:03,116 --> 01:26:07,109
j don't look at me,
I'm not the one to blame j
1455
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,161
j hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you j
1456
01:26:16,254 --> 01:26:18,996
j emergency exit at the rear
of the venue j
1457
01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,457
j freaky little girl
with the French beret j
1458
01:26:22,678 --> 01:26:24,638
j do you know a thing or two
about bastille day? J
1459
01:26:24,805 --> 01:26:27,922
j and I just want to say j
1460
01:26:28,141 --> 01:26:31,884
j just want to say thanks
for listening j
1461
01:26:32,104 --> 01:26:36,097
j and I just want to say j
1462
01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:40,730
j just want to say thanks
for listening j
1463
01:26:40,946 --> 01:26:45,986
j and at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me j
1464
01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:49,034
j and I just want to say
thanks for listening. J
1465
01:27:02,634 --> 01:27:04,170
J hey! J
1466
01:27:05,804 --> 01:27:07,169
j hey! J
1467
01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:10,677
j you didn't know
I was a rock star j
1468
01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:13,508
j well, here you go,
now you know j
1469
01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:17,347
j so you wanna ride around
in your car j
1470
01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:20,182
j I should've know, here you go
1471
01:27:20,402 --> 01:27:22,393
j falling in love with me j
1472
01:27:22,612 --> 01:27:25,945
j I will never be
what you want me to be j
1473
01:27:26,158 --> 01:27:29,571
j I'm the same girl j
1474
01:27:29,786 --> 01:27:31,777
j same old me. J
104727
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