Original subtitles

And now DreamWorks's "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[THEME MUSIC]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-Punch it, Private.

[SCREAMS]

-Private, what was that?

You could have broken the track record.

-Oh, you're welcome, little guy.

Sorry, Skipper.

I guess nice guys really do finish last.

-Yep, that's just nature's way, young Private.

THE AMARILLO KID: Yee-haw.

Hole in one.

-Intruder alert.

THE AMARILLO KID: Mister, I ain't no intruder.

I am The Amarillo Kid.

-Should I know you?

-Only if your name is Mr. Tux.

-Kowalski, my alias portfolio.

-Let's see.

There's two-bit hood Jack the Knife,

international playbird Diego Garcia,

wealthy industrialist Lincoln Douglas.

-I'm not seeing a Mr. Tux here, Skipper.

-Perhaps it was the time I woke up in that Kyoto hotel room

on a bed of counterfeit Deutschmarks.

-I'm Mr. Tux.

-Oh, yeah.

Well, thanks, young Private.

I think I got this.

-Well, Mr. Tux, it's been a long time.

Longer than a yellow snake in a bowl of red bean chili.

-What?

-See, Mr. Tux and me, we have some unfinished business.

-Our Private?

Your business is all finished, isn't it, Private?

-No, Skipper.

The Amarillo Kid and I have been on a collision course

for a long, long time.

-Yeah, that's right.

Longer than a yellow--

-Zip it, Kid.

You're wasting your breath.

I'm a different man now.

-Man?

But Private's so Private-y.

What's this about?

-Mr. Tux knows what it's about.

-I told you.

Never again.

-Never say never, unless it's when

you're saying never to say never.

-Armadillos are all just whacked out

from the scorching desert heat.

SKIPPER: Well, Private, what an unexpected dimension

this adds to your character.

-Yeah, that's--

-I don't like it.

I like my men one-dimensional; works better for me.

-Sorry, Skipper.

I was young and foolish.

-Sorry.

Went down the wrong oesophagus.

-Here's what we got.

Two legs, two flapjacks, two strips of bacon,

one smiling face.

Might make you change your mind.

What do you say, Mr. Tux?

-Mr. Tux left nothing but a trail

of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

-Tell you what, you sure shattered my dreams

like a big old China plate of dreams.

-No.

I will not play your cursed game, Amarillo Kid.

-Well, we'll just see about that dramatic pronouncement

and such, Mr. Tux.

-What does he mean "game"?

-It was brutal combat, Skipper, and I was the best.

But I walked away before it destroyed me.

-Guys?

I think you're going to want to get out here.

-Hey, what's the deal?

-I'm just warming up on the locals before I whoop Mr. Tux.

-Wait, you mean the brutal combat was--

-Mini golf.

-Sorry, again.

I thought he said mini golf.

-No, that's right.

Miniature golf.

-With the windmills and the neon-colored balls

and the little pencilly things?

-Oh, you betcha.

Now, if you don't mind, watch me sink this putt.

-Oh, he's made this interesting.

Everybody be interested.

-Made it interesting?

You mean you're betting this nut ball?

-Technically I'm losing everything to this nut ball,

but I can't let that distract me from my game.

MARLENE: Julien, he's hustling you.

-Oh, really?

Well, what makes you think so?

-Look out, clown's mouth.

MARLENE: I don't know, call it a hunch.

-Not to worry.

I have already doubled down so all I need to do

is make this shot.

-Doubled down?

-But what have you got left to bet?

-Nothing that is too valuable.

Only my loyalest subjects.

-Yippee.

-Look, this isn't fair, Kid.

That shot is impossible.

-Impossible for him maybe, but not for Mr. Tux.

I think I might stuff them and put them next to my jackalope.

Maybe put little antlers on them, too.

Call them lemurlopes.

-Wait.

[APPLAUSE]

-I swore, I swore I would never, ever,

ever play that infernal game again.

-OK.

My bad.

I really should just put this mug down.

-Private, what could be so infernal about mini golf?

-It wasn't the game; it's what it did to me.

I started playing for fun, but I was good.

I was too good.

Pretty soon every young punk who thought

he could hit a straight putt came looking for me,

and then one day a young armadillo was playing me tough.

And I started to worry that, for the first time,

I might lose so I did the unthinkable.

That was it for me.

I just walked away.

-So you quit the game?

-Yes.

Forever.

-Over an ice cream cone?

-It was a double scoop.

-Couldn't you just buy the girl another ice cream?

Or, you know--

-It wasn't just the ice cream.

It was me.

The pressure of the competition was making me tart and churlish

and, yes, I'll admit it, at times even a bit snippety.

-Well, Private, as utterly ridiculous

as that sounds to all of us, we're behind you 100%.

[KNOCKING]

-You know what I'm here for.

-Sorry, armadillo, Mr. Tux has retired.

Permanently.

Don't make me take Rico off his leash.

-I've got a date with destiny, Mister.

You don't mess with destiny or Texas.

Both.

What do you say, Mr. Tux?

Fancy a little game?

-I warned you, Kid.

Rico, find the armadillo, do something horrific.

-Oh, yeah.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Self-destruct sequence initiated.

-A thermo fusion reactor.

-Yeah, about that.

I took the liberty of changing the deactivation code.

So no one gets out of here until I've had my game with Mr. Tux.

-You think you can manually override

the self-destruct sequence?

-Probably not.

-Private, I know you swore never to play again.

-If he wants Mr. Tux, I'll give him Mr. Tux.

-Now you go get him, Private.

We all believe in you.

[SCREAMING]

KING JULIEN: Now, from the Central Park Zoo, in, you know,

Central Park.

Hello and welcome to the Zoostas Cup.

I will be your whispery announcer guy.

-You're going to give me your best game, Mr. Tux,

or this whole animal farm won't be worth more than a tooth

with sidewinder on Easter Sunday.

-And the trash talk is inscrutable.

-He's going to blow up the zoo?

-Oh, high stakes.

Exciting.

-Shh.

They're about to tee off.

Live from the gallery.

-The instruction manual is around here somewhere,

I know it.

-Here we go.

Got it.

No, wait.

This is for the microwave.

-Oh, we have a popcorn setting?

[APPLAUSE]

THE AMARILLO KID: Yeehaw.

-Press and hold the start button for five seconds, then?

-Toggle.

-I'm pressing the start button.

-That's the menu button.

-Oh, well, which one is it?

-And so our two mini golf gladiators

enter the final hole all tied up.

Not like in ropes, but, you know, like in scores.

A hush has fallen over the crowd, and I-- oh,

am I right in the way here?

A little bit?

KOWALSKI: It was worth a try.

-You hit that shot, and you beat me, Mr. Tux.

I guess you best not miss.

-Count on it.

-Oopsy.

-Hey, what was that?

-No fair.

-I decide what's fair, and Mr. Tux needs to sink that shot.

SKIPPER: Private, I know I throw the encouragement around

like candy, but this time I mean it, because I have no choice.

-What is he doing?

-But that's the opposite direction.

KING JULIEN: And here we go.

For the match and the bragger's rights.

-And all of our lives.

-I can't watch, but I must peek.

-It's all over.

I'm the best.

I told you.

I'm fancier than a peacock in a crow flock.

Yeehaw.

-No, Kid, you might want to take back that yeehaw.

-Huh?

What the?

[CHEERING]

-He did it.

-And Private wins.

-Yay for the Private in the bow tie.

-Well, Kid, you wanted my best game.

How's it taste?

Like a tall glass of loser?

-Kinda.

SKIPPER: Nice job, young Mr. Tux.

-That last shot, I mean, wow.

-The ball had totally stopped.

-How did you do it, Private?

-Well, let's just say nice guy's don't always finish last.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Classic.

-All right then, Skipper?

-At ease, Private.

I was laughing at a little joke in the mission files.

-Is it a funny one?

-Oh, yeah.

-Well, can I see it then?

-Classified.

-What's classified?

Classic.

-What?

Why does Kowalski get to see it?

-Well, he's got top secret clearance.

We can't go showing our classified material

to just anybody.

Rico, you gotta see this.

-I love it.

That's classic.

-Rico too?

How's that fair?

-Sorry, Private, but some files are too private for a private.

-Well, then, perhaps it's time I got a promotion.

-Uh-oh.

-Let the promotion test begin.

-What test?

-Tonight you go mono e mono with the most

fearsome beast in the concrete jungle.

-A badger?

-Exactly.

What?

No, not a badger.

It's a secret, OK?

A mysterious and deadly secret.

-He doesn't know what he's saying.

Give the boy a chance to back out.

-There are no take backs in this unit.

Rico, hit the snooze.

SKIPPER: Stay frosty, Private, the mystery

beast can smell your fear.

So can I. That is fear, right?

-And I'm supposed to fight this secret beast

taped to a dumpster, am I?

KOWALSKI: No.

Rico just thought that would be fun.

-What's this?

SKIPPER: The Concrete Jungle Survival Guide.

KOWALSKI: Audiobook version.

AUTOMATED VOICE: So you're about to face a beast more

horrible than your worst nightmare?

Congratulations, random listener.

Let's work on that.

-Wait, does this mean you're not coming with me?

SKIPPER: Well, this is your promotion test, Private.

No backup, no supplies, you don't

even get to know where you are.

MORT: I know where we are.

I drawed a map on the way.

-You did not.

That's a kiddy menu you found in the gutter.

-I live in the hamburger.

SKIPPER: What in the name of Custer's muster?

-Oh, yes.

We're here for the camping out party.

I've got my booty all warmed up for the banjo

sing along camp fire dancing.

Check it out.

Yeah, yeah.

Keep checking.

-Well, this ain't no camp out, Ringtail.

-Yeah?

Then how come you've got a fire plug poncho and a dress

made out of artsy craft supplies?

-Hey.

-This is standard issue urban jungle camouflage.

-Uh-huh.

So who wants to sing the Kumbayas till the sun comes up?

-No Kumbayas.

This is penguin versus nature.

Private's lucky if he lives to see another sunrise.

-Sorry?

-It's a rite of passage, Private.

If everybody survived, it would be a-- a-- Kowalski?

Clever turn of phrase options?

-A wrong of passage.

-Fine.

See if I care, but you'll miss some happy camping, my friend.

-27 minutes to midnight, Private.

You better play that tape before the beast goes on the prowl.

-Oh.

Less than half an hour?

How am I supposed to--

AUTOMATED VOICE: Key one to defeating

the beast, surveillance.

Binoculars, anything to track your enemy's movements.

-Instant telescope.

-Thank you, dumpy penguin.

You see, Mort, in camping you can build a fire

with nothing but a pirate looky tube.

-Don't you need sunlight for that?

-Why would I need sunlight to do this?

Make fire now you looky tube.

This one's defective.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Key two, camouflage.

If the beast can't see you, he can't hurt you.

-OK.

How did Rico make his newspaper disguise?

-Artsy craft supplies.

-What are you doing?

-Check it out.

King Julien crossing the Delaware Avenue, right?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Key three, weapons.

You need some.

-Well, obviously.

That's a whip.

Or I could make a bow and arrow.

-Banjo strings.

ALL SINGING: Julien is the king of the ocean.

-Stay on key, Mort.

-Will you stop that?

I need that string.

It's nearly midnight, and I've got to face some horrible--

-Private.

This is how you prepare for the fight of your life?

-No.

I wasn't.

-Kowalski, commandeer that banjo.

Ready or not, Private, it's time to meet the enemy,

and since you like banjo music so much,

we're going to do it in song.

[BANJO MUSIC]

KOWALSKI SINGING: Pull up a seat and sit a spell

while this spooky tale I relate.

[INAUDIBLE] of steel and wheels man never did create.

The bus called Graveyard Eight.

-The bus called Graveyard Eight.

KOWALSKI SINGING: Runs midnight to dawn, no driver in sight.

Fueled by evil incarnate.

Never slowing down as it prowls the town,

ploughing animals down to their fate.

Better run from Graveyard Eight.

-Better run from Graveyard Eight.

Look out.

KOWALSKI SINGING: So hear and fear and keep the kids clear

of this express to the Pearly Gates.

-It got two of my uncles and six of my cousins.

They were all from upstate.

True story.

ALL SINGING: The bus from Graveyard Eight.

-So the bus is haunted, and you want me to fight it?

A bus?

-And come home with a nifty souvenir to prove it.

-That'll put some feathers on your chest, eh?

-Um, I don't think I care about that classified joke anymore.

-Good hunting, Private.

If all goes well, we'll see you alive at dawn.

Of course, with the prementioned souvenir in hand.

-And if not, well, you'll be fine.

-But I'm not ready.

Any more advice survival guide audio book?

AUTOMATED VOICE: This recording will self-destruct right now.

-Good luck.

-Here, bus.

Here, bussy, bussy.

Please be a nice haunted bus.

-I caught a wall, yay.

-What are you doing in the street?

-Obviously we are sewer fishing, duh.

-But the Graveyard Eight.

-The grape jar what now?

-The haunted bus that runs over animals.

-Never heard of it.

Perhaps if you gave it a catchy jingle?

Or perhaps a theme song?

-Look out.

-Shh.

I'm in my fishing zone.

-Really?

Cause I'm not catching jack-a-doodly

with this [INAUDIBLE].

I have caught something.

-No.

This is your test, Private.

[SCREAMING]

-Yes.

[SCREAMING]

-Hang on, I think I can get you free.

-No, no.

I know this camp time activity.

The only way to untangle is to work as a team

so everybody shut it, and I will be the team.

-Oh, the foot is in my face.

-I did it.

-Goody for you.

-We just need something to cut the line.

Just hang on; I'll be back.

SCARY VOICE: Fifth Avenue, Washington Square.

-No driver.

-I know.

Spooky right?

[SCREAMING]

-I thought this was where we steal the other camp's mascot.

-What?

Are you completely-- we are not camping.

-Oh, somebody's working on his sour puss

grumpy grouch activity badge.

It's you by the way.

-Just find something sharp and pointy to cut the fishing line.

Sharp, pointy, perfect.

[SCREAMING]

KING JULIEN: Look at me.

I found us something sharp and pointy.

I win.

-We have to hurry, Julien, before the Graveyard Eight

claims Maurice and Mort forever.

-And yet, here you are talking, talking, talking,

and doing nothing, nothing, nothing.

-But there's still one part of the bus I haven't searched yet.

SCARY VOICE: Seventh Avenue.

-No pets on the bus.

[LAUGHING]

-Again, again.

PRIVATE: Sharp and pointy.

-Oh.

Whoa.

-Come on.

-I love camping.

-Jump

-Hurray for the Private.

Thank you, the Private.

-Amazing.

-Yeah, that was pretty good.

-Kowalski, promotion analysis?

-Private risked his own safety to free helpless captives

from a demonic bus.

That's plus 17 points.

-They were all lemurs.

Minus 20.

-But he did bring back one primo souvenir.

-Well, congratulations young Private.

You've been promoted to Private First Class.

-Yes.

-Way to go.

-Yippee.

-First Class.

-Of course, we'll still call you Private.

First Class is implied.

Enjoy your classified joke access.

-I don't get it.

[THEME MUSIC]