Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL CHIMES]

[THEME MUSIC]

-Hit it.

[SINGING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Now, for today's training,

I though we'd mix it up with a little treat

from the Land of the Rising Sun.

-Oh, Long Island.

-Actually, Japan.

Also known as Nipon, which in the native tongue

means "sun origin."

Thus--

-Kowalksi, put a quarter in the showoff jar, please.

[RATTLING]

-(MUMBLING): Quarter in the showoff jar.

-Now, as I was saying, today we--

-Hi, sumo!

-Correctomundo

MARLENE: Hey, guys.

Guys, check this out.

I found these leaves by the fence

that are like, organic moisturiser.

Mmm.

Yeah, uh huh.

They have this oil on them that really makes your coat shine.

-Ooo.

I am a little dull sometimes.

-Here, let me give it a go.

Bracing, tingly.

Ooo, refreshing.

-[GIBBERISH]

-If everyone's finished with their beauty treatments,

can we sumo now?

ALICE: All right.

Fun time's over.

Back to the bus.

[YELPS]

[SNICKERING]

[SLURPING SOUNDS]

-Ah, Maurice.

[BURPS] Entertaining the masses is so

punishing, what with the burden of my ridiculous awesomeness

and such things.

[YELLING]

-Heavy hangs the head that wears a crown.

A CHILD: Ew, cooties!

-Say-- what now?

[YELLING]

-Get away from me!

Argh!

Cooties!

You gave me cooties!

-[YELPS]

[YELLING] -Oh, no!

Get away from me!

-Never, ever have I felt such terror in my toes.

What?

Must you make bad go to the worse?

[YELLS]

-Rico.

Kowalski.

-According to the circumference of my belly, victory is mine.

SKIPPER: Private.

[WHOOSH]

[SQUAWKS]

[YELLS]

[GROWLS]

[YELLS]

[SCREAMS AND GULPS]

-I think that may be a penalty.

But I'm not sure who gets it.

-Hey.

--[STARTLED] Oh, hello, neighbours.

I am needing to be borrowing some of your gadgets and gizmos

and whosits.

-It seems the humans are spreading

something called "cooties." [YELPS]

-Yes!

Which is why we are needing your sciencey things to keep

the royal body strong and, you know, cootie-less.

Ooo.

These will go quite nicely with my kingly crown, yeah?

Looks nice.

So borrowing is, eh, OK, yes?

[CHILDREN YELLING]

-[YELLS] There they are!

Run for your lives!

It's spreading.

[YELLING]

-She gave me cooties!

-Ew!

Now I've got it.

-Great Barrier Reef.

-[SQUAWKS]

-Now do you see?

As your beloved king, I order you to do your civic duty

and protect my royal hide.

-And seek!

I'm it.

-Kowalski, cootie analysis.

-Judging by the anguished cries of the boy children,

it appears that females spread the virus by mere touch.

-Wait, you mean, if I touch a girl, I could get cooties?

-Odds are somewhere between posilutely and absotively.

--[SQUEAKS AND FAINTS] And what are cooties exactly?

-Yeah.

And more importantly, how will we

be knowing which of the girls are having them?

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]

-Well, you're just a precious little pachyderm.

Aren't ya?

Huh.

Ah.

Uh.

-The otter has the cooties.

-Shh.

We have to watch Burt for symptoms.

For all we know, Marlene's already infected him.

-Cooties!

-The otter has the cooties!

What should we do?

What should we do?

Wait.

Wait.

I'm having a storm inside of my brainy parts.

First, we'll-- eh, uh, [MUTTERS] OK.

Now that is just rude, when you haven't even

heard the stone-cold genius of my plan.

MARLENE: What'cha doing?

-[YELLS] Nothing.

Heh heh.

Just, you know, swimming in terror.

[CHUCKLES] G-- g-- g-- girl!

-Uh, yeah.

Hey, could you do me a favour?

See, I've got this rash.

Could you j--

-[YELLS]

-Now just one--

-The otter has the cooties.

-Now just give you this-- -The otter has the cooties.

Everybody run because the otter has the cooties.

-Hold on. Just put--

-Hold on. Just put-- Just put-- -The otter has the cooties!

Just put-- -The otter has the cooties!

The otter has the cooties!

Everybody run 'cause the otter has the cooties!

Keep your cuckoo cooties away from me!

Mort, take one for the team.

-I'm sacrificial.

-Onward, Maurice.

We must find someone to protect us.

Uh, and by us, I mean me-- you know.

-OK.

Fine.

I can take a hint.

[WHOOSH]

-Oh!

[ALARM]

-Quarantine!

Now, look.

We don't put a lid on this thing,

we could be looking at a replay of the Loudling Outbreak.

-The panda-demic?

Oh, my stars and garters!

-Kowalski, language.

Private's present.

-Skipper, Marlene was in our habitat today.

We could all be infected and not even know it.

[YELLING]

SKIPPER: None of us are itching.

So obviously, none of us have cooties.

-Right.

Well, that's a relief.

Hey, what's this?

Hmm.

-Quarantine!

-Oh, dear.

-You-- you wish to have us protect you from what,

now, capicola?

-Hey.

Could someone get my back?

-Oh, hey, Marlene.

[YELLS] Cootie Otter!

[MUMBLING AND MUTTERING]

-Ha!

King, me.

-The otter has the cooties!

-Wrong king.

-Be afraid.

She's coming.

The Cootie Otter, that's who.

She will touch you, and then you will have the cooties too.

MARLENE: Guys?

-Oh, hey, Marlene.

How's it g-- [YELLS]

-I-- I could use a hand, actually all four.

If you-- if you could just get your fingers in the--

--[SOUND OF DISGUST] Will you please take your contagious

cooties and self-quarantine?

-C-- contagious?

C-- wait, cooties?

Is that why I'm so itchy?

Oh, oh no!

I've got cooties!

[SCRATCHING]

-Ah, OK.

It is here we make our brave, last stand.

Maurice, you will be like the famous Davy Crockett

at the Alamo.

I will be like the guy nobody ever

heard of-- because he lived.

-All right.

Davy Cr-- what?

[TICKING]

[SILENCE]

-It's quiet.

Too quiet.

[TICKING]

-Don't scratch the beak.

Don't scratch the beak. [WHIMPERS]

-Look at him.

He's just crawling with cooties.

-Maybe a little baby scratch.

No!

Don't scratch the beak!

[GASPS] [SQUEALS] Oh.

-Quarantine!

-Who's the smart one now?

-Eh, sorry about the rough stuff, boys.

But this crisis must be contained at all costs.

Anyone who shows the slightest symptoms has to be isolated.

Right, Rico?

-Yeah.

[GIBBERISH] isolated.

-We've got to think of the big picture here,

protecting the entire zoo.

Right, Rico?

-Huh?

Oh, [LAUGHS] Yeah.

-Good man.

-No exceptions.

[MUTTERING AND MUMBLING] I'm

-Right, Rico?

-Huh? [LAUGHS] [GIBBERISH]

-Quarantine!

-I don't suppose someone could scratch my toes?

-Skipper's log-- my loyal men--

-Hi.

- --and Mort have been infected with the calamitous--

MARLENE: Cooties!

[SCRATCHING]

-Ah!

She's gone mad!

-Hi, Marlene.

-Someone just scratch my back.

And what's with the box?

-Marlene!

We-- uh, you're here.

In our home.

How unexpected and in no way horrifying.

-Yeah, yeah.

Th-- th-- that's great.

Look, I don't care what kind of top secret stuff

you have to do.

But'cha gotta get rid of these cooties.

Can't you daddy zap me with one of these doohickies?

[BLASTING AND CRASHING]

-What about this one?

Come on, man!

Give me a cure!

-Hey!

MARLENE: Get back here!

[SQUAWKS AND YELLS]

-This might be a bad time, but I'd

really appreciate that toe scratch.

-Found ya.

-I'm infected.

Let me in.

(SOBBING) Let me in.

-Huh? [GROANING]

-Huh?

[HISSING SOUND]

[GROANING]

-Code 83.

I repeat, code 83!

-I, um, don't want to alarm anyone,

but I went all in on the broccoli for lunch today.

[DIGESTIVE RUMBLING]

-Oh

[YELLING]

-What was that?

-Topside, pronto.

[SCRATCHING]

[SCRATCHING AND GROANING]

-Brace yourself, boys.

This is gonna--

Hit the spot.

Ooh!

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

-This oatmeal bath appears to be--

[SIGHS]-- curing our cooties.

-[GULPS AND SWALLOWS] Mmm.

-Marlene, I feel we owe you an apology.

-OK.

Go ahead.

-We owe you, which means you'll get it at some future date.

When's your birthday?

ZOOKEEPER: No doubt about it.

Poison ivy.

-Poison ivy?

-Which is not cooties.

Is it?

-No.

In fact, it would be Marlene's so-called moisturising plant.

-Oh, so the stuff I thought was gonna

help, actually-- that my friends is ironic.

[CHUCKLES] Whoopsies.

[CHUCKLES]

[GROWLS]

-I'm sorry.

-Shouldn't, uh, someone tell Julien the cootie truth?

-Eh, no rush, Private.

[SOUND OF SCRATCHING]

-Ah!

Curse-- ooh-- otters.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Combat driving drills.

Now, this is where we separate the adult migratory

males from the hatchlings.

[ENGINE REVVING]

-(SINGING) Badda ding, bum, bum, bum, ba, ba-bum, bum.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Private, what was that?

-Just observing the rules of the road, Skipper.

-That is no way to treat nitro-charged,

fuel-injected, motorised mayhem.

Out of the car.

Kowalski, show him how it's done.

-Let's see.

Fuel tank-- adequate.

Tyre pressure-- optimal.

Altitude-- 40 feet above sea level.

Minimise freeways--

-Get outta the car.

Rico, take the wheel.

[MUTTERING AND MUMBLING]

-Now, pay attention.

See how a real penguin drives.

[ENGINE CRANKS AND TIRES SQUEAL]

-Woo hoo!

-That maniac sure loves to rip up the road.

Woo!

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Yeah.

E-yeah!

Heh heh.

-All right.

Wrap it up, RIco.

-Aww.

-And no.

You can't have just one more spin around the park.

--Please?

-That and your baby blues won't cut it tonight, soldier.

Lights out in 10.

-Oh, hello, Rico.

I was just labelling some of my inventions--

the Neural Neutralizer, the Duotronic Laser Targeting

System, and the Spectral Demagnatizer.

At least I think that's what these labels say.

Hard to tell when you can't read.

SKIPPER: Lights out, boys.

KOWALSKI: Coming, Skipper.

-Bye-bye.

[DOOR CLOSING]

-Aw, come here.

[KISSING]

SKIPPER: Rico!

-[MAKING CAR SOUNDS] Huh?

What? [YELLS]

COMPUTER: Don't even think about it, Rico.

-Aww.

[BEEPING]

-Woo hoo!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[YELPS]

-Maurice!

Who is disturbing the royal rest?

Who?

Who??

[LAUGHS CRAZILY]

-Oh, oh, oh.

Is it the penguin in the car?

Because I think it might be the penguin in the car.

-Um, can I go back to bed now?

-No.

I demand you punish him-- savagely.

-And exactly just how am I supposed to punish him?

[CRASH]

[COUGHS]

-I mean, you know, other than doing that,

which I totally just did.

-Whoa-a.

Nice, Maurice.

I don't know you did it, but I like the results.

-My pleasure.

-OK.

Back to sleepytime, everyone.

MORT: Nighty-night.

-[GROANS] [SHIVERS WITH FEAR]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[KISSES] -Sorry.

[ENGINE CRANKS AND REVS]

-Oh.

[BUGLE PLAYING]

-Ack!

-Up and at 'em, boys.

-Oh, ho.

Looks like someone forgot his bright eyes and bushy tail.

-Well, some more time behind the wheel

will put a little skip in your step.

Right, Rico?

-Uh, yeah.

-Today's challenge-- navigate around

the zoo in a clockwise direction.

-Simple enough.

-Ah, making only counterclockwise turns.

-OK.

The ante is upped.

-Rico, you're up.

[DING]

[ENGINE REVS AND TIRES SQUEAL]

-Whoa!

Heh heh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[RICO YELLS]

[DINGING SOUNDS]

-Is he doing it right, Skipper?

-Well, Rico's never one to do things by the book.

-[YELLS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

RICO: Oh, no.

Oy!

-If I didn't know better, I'd say that car's got in for Rico.

-Oh, Private.

There you go anthropomorphising the inanimate-- again.

-Well, that's a lot of egghead jibber-jabber, Kowalski.

That still doesn't tell me why the car would be mad at Rico.

I mean, it's not like he secretly totaled the car

and hastily slapped it back together

to cover his heinous crime.

Right?

-Right.

Ow.

-Ta dah!

Sorry.

[CHUCKLES] Cuckoo.

[ENGINE REVS]

[YELLS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ENGINE REVS]

-Whew.

[ENGINE REVS]

[ENGINE REVS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

-No.

No, Doris.

Kowalski must never know.

Rico?

-Oogie boogie [GIBBERISH]

-Beg pardon?

-Oogie boogie [GIBBERISH]

-What is it, boy?

Our car is haunted?

-Yep, yep, yep, yep.

-Anthropomorphising with the added

twist of supernatural possession.

Preposterous.

-Actually, Rico may be on to something.

Our auto's gone loco.

-But that's impossible.

-It's worse than that.

It's unauthorised, and that doesn't fly in this unit.

-Silent as a grave, Skipper.

-The beast knows we're after it.

The hunter has become the prey.

-Again, Skipper, the car is not alive.

It can't think or--

-Kowalski, don't ruin the moment with your jibber-jabber.

Besides, if it's not alive, then how do

you explain its brutal behaviour?

-Based on available data, I can't.

-Yeah, jibber-jabber your way out of that.

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

-The beast.

-Eek.

-We move silent.

We move fast.

-[YELLING] Oh, ugh.

[ENGINE REVS AND BRAKES SQUEAL]

-Whoa!

-Distraction scenario.

Go.

-Yoo hoo!

Demon car!

Oh.

-You don't have the guts to take me on.

-Though I know you cannot understand me,

I am talking to you anyway.

[YELLS]

That thing really is targeting Rico.

Isn't it?

-It's more demon than car now.

-Rico.

[YELLING]

[TYRES SQUEALING]

[WHIMPERING]

-Look, Rico.

We're gonna find that car, and we're

gonna throttle its engine.

In the meantime, you can stay here

safe and sound on our island.

-OK.

-No, really.

Rico you're safe here.

-Uh huh.

-Seriously.

You are.

-Yeah.

OK.

Listen up, soldier.

I order you to be reassured by my word.

Now on my mark, feel safe.

Mark.

right.

PRIVATE: Rico!

-Rico!

[YELLS]

-There's no stopping that monster.

Men, launch me.

-But Skipper--

-No buts.

Listen to the sounds of that crazy, frightened penguin,

chased by a deranged roadster.

Somebody's gotta do something.

Gentlemen, I'm that somebody.

Now, launch me.

-Leave my soldier alone.

[RICO YELLS]

SKIPPER: [YELLS] [GROANS]

-[GASPS] [GROWLS]

-Rico?

What are you doing?

Take cover.

[ENGINE REVS]

-I know that thing will cream you.

[ENGINE REVS]

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS BACK]

-No!

It's nitro-charged!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-That was a brave thing you did, soldier.

-Still, I'm going to miss that evil, evil car.

I wonder what made it behave so evilly.

-I guess we'll never know.

Wait just a nanosecond.

This is my Duotronic Laser-guided Targeting System.

-So?

-So, despite my remarkable efficiency,

I haven't installed it yet.

-Hey, how did that get in there?

-What?

Um, vroom-vroom.

[IMITATES SQUEALING BRAKES AND A CRASH] Kablam.

[GASPS] [GIBBERISH]

-You secretly took the car out for a spin,

smashed it up, panicked, and hastily

slapped it back together?

-Um, yep.

-Well, Rico, in your haste, you must have grabbed a few errant

parts from some of my other projects.

There's your culprit.

My targeting system targeted you.

-So no ghost?

-No ghosts.

Let's hear it for jibber-jabber.

Woo!

RICO: [SINGING TO SELF]

-Solid work there, soldier.

It almost makes up for your clear violation of orders.

-Sorry.

-Ah, don't sweat it.

The sheer mind-shredding, psychological terror

you endured is punishment enough.

I mean, you thought the car was haunted. [LAUGHS]

-Yeah.

[LAUGHS] [MAKES GHOST SOUNDS] [LAUGHS AGAIN]

[HORN BLARES]

[BOTH YELL]

-Ooo.

Sorry, Rico.

Just looking for my sunglasses.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLOSING THEME MUSIC]