All language subtitles for ghosts.2021.s04e21.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab[EZTVx.to].mkv

Ah, poutine.
Gravy and cheese curds on fries?

It sounds nuts, but you can't
argue with the smell.

[laughs]
I know you can't hear me,

but I'm gonna pretend
you laughed affably.

Trente quatre!

Trente quatre!

Uh, oh, is that 34?

Yes. Smoked meat.

Ooh, I was hoping someone
would get the smoked meat.

Let me get right in there.
[sniffs]

Okay, could you not?

You can see me?

Yes, I can see ghosts.
Now, have a good day.

Oh, sure, I'm just
going to let that drop.

Are you kidding me?
We're going to talk about this.

Not if I leave the property.

Oh, I've got news
for you, Smokey.

'Cause of your smoked meat?
Hold on. C-Come back.

♪

So, we just sit here

and wait for
that branch to fall?

There've been
some close calls

over the last decade.

I think we're
one fat squirrel away

from that thing
coming down.

That's cool.

I saw the Parthenon
last week.

NANCY:
Oh, hey,

look at you two lovebirds.
You guys do it yet?

Excuse me?

Sorry, it's just,

we're betting on this
in the basement.

In fact, I've got a parlay going
where if you guys boink

and that branch falls
before next week,

I get 10,000 back rubs,

so, you know,

think horny.

We'll keep
that in mind.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry
about her.

Well, her dialogue
could use a little polish,

but maybe she's got a point.

Are you saying
what I think you're saying?

I'm saying,

maybe tonight's the night.

Oh.

And just to be clear,

you're not talking
about the branch.
Oh, Sass.

You don't get to be
a 500-year-old virgin

by picking up
on clues, okay?

I need things spelled out.

JAY:
I just don't get it,

why aren't people coming back
to the restaurant?

Well, there was a lot
of bad publicity

because of
what happened.

- That's crazy.
- I mean,

by lightning
strike rules,

there's no restaurant
on Earth less likely

to have a stripper crash
through the roof now.

It's very rude
to mention lightning.

Too soon, small man.

Hey, guys.

Uh, Sam,

I was just outside,
and there seems to be a Living

about to
come in, so...

I don't know,
maybe he's a customer.

I don't know anything about him.

[suppressed laughter]
Hi, I'm Kyle.

Hi, Kyle, welcome to Woodstone.

Kyle is dumb name.

Well, it matches
his dumb back-purse.

Yeah, well, at
least I'm alive.
[gasping]

Sorry, I...

Pete wanted me
to do this thing

where I pretend like
I can't see ghosts,

but I can
see ghosts.

[laughing]:
He can see ghosts.

Wait, what?
Seriously?

Booyah! I totally got you guys.

You should see
the look on your faces.

This is
incredible.

Oh, it's
another freak.

THORFINN:
Like Sam,

but man. Man Sam!

ISAAC:
I actually like
your back-purse.

I was just piling on.
There's a lot of pressure

for me to maintain
my reputation as...

[clears throat]
"the funny one."

I thought
I was funny one.

PETE:
Oh, raise your hand

if you've been paid
to do improv at a Sheraton.

Oh, wait, that's just me.

And when I woke up
from my coma,

I could see ghosts.
How about you?

I was on
a roller coaster

and a giant bird
hit me in the face.

Oh, my God, you got Fabio'd?

What is Fabio?

Well... He's this model

who was on
the cover of a bunch

of romance novels,
and he famously

got hit in the face
with a goose.

SAMANTHA:It is

so nice to have
somebody else

who can answer
ghost questions.

I know, it's so cool
to meet somebody

who actually knows
what I'm going through.

I saw the ghosts once.

That's cool, man.

But then I didn't anymore.

It was just for an afternoon.

And then I became a zombie.

Oh, Jay. He so desperately
wants to be a part of this.

So, Peter, where does this
scrumptious fellow live?

Oh, you can just
talk directly to me.
What?

Ghost thing.
Ghost thing.

Ah.
Ah.

[laughs]
Man Sam and Sam Sam
say same thing.

But to answer
your question, Hetty,

I kind of just bounce around.

It's really hard

to hold on to a job
when I have to keep pretending

like I can't see ghosts.

Which is what he was doing
during our famous meet cute.

Our smoked meat cute.

[Pete chuckles]

When we met,
I was smelling his meat.

Oh.

He says a lot of
stuff like that.

Hmm.
What's happening?

And he says a lot
of stuff like that.

[laughter]

What is it?
Why are you guys laughing?

See?

Oh, Jay.
[laughter]

THORFINN:
So,

Joan say tonight is the night.

Yep, and she wasn't talking
about the branch. I clarified.

Oh, it's so on.

Are you so
excited, Sass?

I mean, yeah.
I'm a little nervous.

Why, just 'cause you oldest
virgin in human history?

TREVOR:Or is it because
she's a roamer

and has likely had her choice
of history's greatest lovers?

You guys are not helping.

Look, Sass, you have
nothing to worry about.

Joan's crazy about you.

And you're going to be,
what, one of four

or five people there?

You don't have to do everything.

Just follow their lead.

What? No, it's just
going to be Joan and me.

Yikes.

You better bring it, man.

[sighs]

Oh.

Alberta.

Hi. Just got back
from the old trip.

Nice hat.

Don't make it
weird, Pete.

Are you referring
to how you tried

to kiss him and
he facepalmed you?

Yes, Hetty.

Which must be especially
painful given that

not long ago,
you were the one

doing the facepalming,

and Peter was
the sad recipient.

I don't think Alberta
has anything

to be embarrassed about, okay?

I'm just dating someone now.

But I think you are a swell gal

and a neat friend

who any guy would be lucky to--
[Alberta groans]

Please, God. Take me up,

take me down, just get me
the hell out of here.

So, I just met that Kyle guy.

Pretty crazy that
he can see ghosts, too.

Yeah.

And you're cool with
him being around?

Yeah,

I mean-- What do you mean?

Well, you know, hot guy--

You think he's hot?

Jay, don't be dumb.
You cannot deny

that those are
stableboy cheekbones.

Yeah, he's attractive.

But more importantly,

he and your wife
have this connection,

that seems pretty rare.

So...

Look, I don't think Sam
would ever cheat on you,

but none of my boyfriends

ever thought
I would cheat on them.

And yet, I did.

This story
ain't helping.

Look, Bela,
I trust Sam.

Yes, they have
a unique connection,

and his hair's cool,

but, you know what,

truth is,
I'm just happy

that she has
someone else to talk to

who has this ability.

See, my guy Jay is a sweetie.

JAY:
I think it's
good for her,

and I don't want to come off
like some jealous husband.

Besides, he's only
here for one night.

And then Kyle and I
are off to Chicago

where he has promised
to let me inhale his kielbasa.

He...
facepalmed you.

BELA:
That's a really healthy

attitude, Jay.

Hey, you guys.

You remember how
our last assistant

got scared and ran away

because he thought
we had ghosts?

ALBERTA:I remember how
he was correct

and you gaslit him to hell.

Well, you know who
wouldn't have had that problem?

Kyle!

So I've hired him
as our new assistant.

JAY:
Oh.

Neat.

SAMANTHA:
I mean, it's great.
Not only

will he be helpful
with things around the hotel,

but he can also help out
with, like, ghost stuff.

We are a handful.

Yeah, I'm
really excited.

Uh, thank you.

HETTY:So you can make
him do anything?

Ask him to rub
down a horse.

Again, I can hear
and see you.

Well, then it's all
out on the table, Kyle.

So go grab a brush
and get horsing.

And that is our
reservation system.

Seems pretty
straightforward.

What makes it
really easy,

is they almost
never have guests.

Anyway, next,

let's talk about
your ghost-related duties.

Right. Uh, they've been
filling me in a little.

Turning onthe TV,

opening the shouting window

so that Thor
can yell at his son.

Also, going to the supermarket

to buy magazines
with Momoa content.

ISAAC:
That's the stuff Samantha's

been doing in
her spare time,

but now that we have
a dedicated servant,

we have other demands.

The special projects.

You're not getting a puppy.

But Kyle will
take care of it!

He works for us!

HETTY:
We also have an idea

for an aroma we would
like for you to maintain.

Oh, yes, right.

What do you mean, maintain?
Like a candle?

A perpetually "just out of
the microwave" Hot Pocket.

Some are calling it
"The Eterna-pocket."

But how would it
constantly be

just out of
the microwave?

Because, Kyle,
every five minutes,

you shall prepare
a fresh one.

We, the people,
demand pepperoni.

Or, if it's sold out,
broccoli chicken cheddar.

Good luck, Kyle.[scoffs]

You must be the new Living
who can see ghosts.

Yeah. Hi. Kyle.

I'm Nancy. I died of cholera.

Oh,

but the open sores,

those aren't usually
a symptom.

I've come across a few
cholera ghosts before.

Oh, sweet of you
to notice, Kyle.

Oh, is that a basement ghost?

You talking to a basement ghost?

[laughs] I know about them.

Yeah, Nancy walked in.

NANCY:
What we think

happened was that there was

a concurrent outbreak
of a flesh-eating bacteria.

See, the pest house

was sort of
a mélange of disease.

It does have
colorful anecdotes.

Have you ever noticed
how the ghosts

are, like, obsessed

with their deaths?
Oh, my God,

I know, right?
Constantly working it in.

It's like,
"How was your morning?

Let me tell you about
the Spanish flu."

[laughs]

Wasn't that funny.

And ghosts are always asking you
to look up their relatives.

Uh, yeah.

I'm just here
to see a movie,

I don't wanna
go to Toledo

to find out if your
nephew became a doctor.

It's so good
to have somebody else

to talk about
this stuff with.

Yeah, it is.

[Jay laughs]

The-the ghost boundary,
that's weird, huh?

Yeah, like,
some ghosts'

deaths predate the house,

but they all have
the same boundary.

HETTY:
You know
what's weird

about the boundary?

[both laughing]

What? What is it?

No, it's just Hetty.
It's hard to explain.

Oh![laughs]

[laughter]

Totally!
Peanut butter!

[ghosts laughing]

SAMANTHA:
Peanut butter!

SASAPPIS:
I can't do this.

I'm gonna tell Joan
that tonight's off.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm down, buddy.

You guys totally freaked me out.

I mean, I have no idea
what I'm doing.

FLOWER:
No one knows
what they're doing

the first time.
First times are awkward.

We'll help you.

Talk to us.
What's your plan with Joan?

Well, I figured
we'd go to my room--

[imitates buzzer]
No offense, but your room

is half-virgin,
half-Pete.

The vibes are
friendship at best.

I'm going to
let you use

my room, aka
"The Boneyard."

No one calls it that.

They will if you do your job.

See, now, this is
what I'm nervous about.

Like, how do you even, like,
start the whole process?

As oldest and most
experienced ghost,

Thor will share move
that has never failed.

Women like it

when hunk take control.

He's not wrong about that.

In heat of moment,

pick Joan up
and throw her on bed.

Yeah?

THORFINN:
Trust Thor.

I will demonstrate
with Flower.

Oh!

[gasps]
[laughs]

But just so you know,
once this fuse gets lit,

there will be an explosion.

You guys are welcome to stay.

Yeah, we prefer.

Okay, on that note,
I'm going to go,

but thank you, this has
actually been really helpful.

Eh, I've got nothing else to do.

JAY:
I mean, I get it.

If I met another D&D player

who was a Level 9
Chain Warlock,

we'd have a lot
to talk about.

How this nerd
has any wife

to worry about
is beyond me.

But it's
the talking

and the laughing
and the inside jokes.

I mean, it's excessive, right?

Especially given how hot he is.

What? I'm agreeing with you.

This is all Pete's fault.

He's not wrong.

How am I supposed to not
introduce two Livings

who share this rare gift?
I connect people.

That's why I was
social chair

at the Kiwanis Club.

Kiwanis. Are
those the guys

with the hats and
the little cars?

No, that's those
frickin' Shriners.

You know what?
I can't.

JAY:
I don't like
this one bit.

And now the guy's working here?

Yeah, this is not good.

I mean, look
at his abs.

You looked him up
online?

And turned off
"safe search,"

whatever that means.

Yeah, I mean, I just wanted
to get a full picture

of what we're
dealing with.

Wait, is that
a mug shot?

TREVOR:
This is interesting.

It says here Kyle was convicted
of breaking and entering.

He robbeda house.

He spent six months in prison.

That doesn't sound like someone
Sam would want working here.

Exactly.

Oh, these two are
cooking something up.

You're saying I tell Sam
about Kyle's criminal past.

And she sends him packing.

No! Do not
deny us our butler.

Not when the dream of
the perpetual Hot Pocket

is finally
within reach.

All right, let's do it.
Let's get rid of Kyle.

Yes, and then
Sam will have

no choice but
to just settle for the old

"can't see ghosts" Jay.

I'm back in, baby.

So, here we are.

Indeed.

Here... we... are.

Look, Sass, if this is all
moving too fast for you,

we can just have Sam,
or Man Sam,

put on a movie for us to watch.

No, no, no, no, no. I...

I really want
to do this.

You're sure?

I'll show you sure.

Joan, get over here.

This is a different side of you.

Oh, my! [laughs]

Take me, Sass.

[gasps]

[screams]

[gasps]

Oh, boy.

Hey, Kyle. How's it going?

Great, just got back
from the market.

We basically cleaned them out
of Hot Pockets.

Oh, you know,
I was thinking,

maybe sometime I could
scoop the filling

out of one of these things,
and put in some baked cod,

and then you
got yourself a "cod pocket."

Don't tease Thor

unless you plan
on follow through.

Oh, good,
everyone's here.

Well, you two,
and I'm guessing

some invisible people.

Just so you know,
I fought for you.

- What?
- Is everything okay, Jay?

Actually, it's not.

It turns out, your little
friend Kyle here

is hiding a deep, dark secret.

He's a convicted felon.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about him
doing six months in prison

for breaking into some
poor family's home.

I brought a criminal
into the house.

I'm sorry. But also,
it's kind of on you

to do background checks.
I'm just a ghost.

Kyle, is this true?

I didn't want it to
come out like this.

There was this
ghost, Marian,

who intended,
on her deathbed,

to give her
daughter a locket.

But a winter
storm delayed

her daughter's arrival,
and so Marian died

without being able
to pass on that family heirloom.

Years passed,

a new family moved
into the house,

and ghost Marian
begged me to get the locket,

which was hidden in the house,
and track down her daughter.

So I tried

to talk my way
into the house at first,

but to no avail,

and so, one night,
I, uh, I broke in.

And I got the locket
to Marian's daughter,

but I got caught on
the neighbor's Ring cam.

So, yeah, I did some time.

But it was...
it was worth it

to-to give an old ghost
some closure.

Aha! So he admits it.

This is not a good
color on you, Jay.

I wanted to come here because
I thought that it would be neat

to meet somebody else
who has the same curse.

- Curse?
- With those cheekbones,

I'll allow it.
KYLE:
But I can see now

that me being here has caused
some sort of trouble,

so I, uh, I think
I should probably go.

[Jay sighs]

What was that about, Jay?

Huh?

What's going on?

Are you jealous
of Kyle or something?

No, but I do think
it's a little weird

that he took
this entry-level job

at the drop of a hat.

He is very jealous.

His being here was
going to be good for us.

You know all
the ghost stuff

I spend so
much time doing?

He was taking that off my plate.

And putting cod pocket
on Thor plate.

Yeah, we were connecting,

but it wasn't him
trying to steal me away,

it was somebody else
who was dealing

with the same thing
that I'm dealing with,

which is pretty rare.

PETE:
Yeah, we only know of

Sam, Kyle,
maybe Fabio.

Whatever. You don't understand.

Ah, Joan, how'd it go with Sass?

Well, he threw me out
the side of the house.

Oh, is that
an old-timey expression?

No, it is not.

Hey, Kyle, sorry about

all that in
the kitchen.

No, I...

I should
have disclosed

that I have a record.

It's just, it's an awkward
thing to bring up.

Of course. Geez.

What was prison like
with this ability?

Not great, Sam.
There's not a lot of people

dying peacefully
in their sleep in prisons.

Also, the Livings

were kind of scary,
and the salad bar

had limited options.

[chuckles] Well,

it was nice to
finally meet someone else

who can see ghosts.

It was.

You know, I, uh,
I spend so much time

trying to hide who I am.

It's just such a relief
to finally meet somebody

that I can be myself around.

I know exactly what you mean.

- Oh. Oh.
- Oh, God.

Sorry. I'm sorry, I think
I must have misread something.

Kyle, what the hell?

I-I thought
we were connecting.

Yeah, we were

connecting, about seeing ghosts.

Yeah, no, I know.
I'm sorry. I just, uh...

You don't know
what it's like out there,

trying to meet people
with this weird thing, you know?

I-I try to hide it
and they think I'm insane.

Or I tell them,
and they think I'm insane.

Or they're-they're not Jewish.

Look, you'll find someone.

I don't know that that's true.

There's not
a lot of people out there

that are willing
to put up with this.

I was with someone when I...

when I first got this power.

Somebody I thought
was really special,

but she just couldn't handle it.

That sounds hard.

[sighs]

So, do you

just want to Venmo me
for the four hours of work?

Uh, you know what, no.
It's fine.

Goodbye, Kyle.
Yeah.

There you are, slugger.

Joan, I'm so
embarrassed.

Oh, come on.

I'm head over
heels for you.

Literally.
I landed face down

on a family
of woodchucks.

See, Thor said
I should take control and...

I feel like such a fool.

Your problem is you're
trying to be somebody else.

Some cool guy
I've never met.

That's not the guy
I'm crazy about.

So, you're saying
I should just be myself?

Yes.

I should trust my own instincts?

Except for the one
that's telling you

to keep talking right now.

Right, I keep making
that mistake. I've got to

remember there's
a time for talking--

Shut up, you damn fool.

PETE:
Hey, guys.
Oh!

Not sure when
the perfect time to announce

that I was sleeping
on the floor was,

but now seems better than later.

You know,
for a roamer,

you sure are around a lot.

That's probably true.

Um, but I did catch the tail end
of what you were saying,

and I have to agree with Joan.
Sass, you are a wonderful--

Pete, get the hell out of here.

Absolutely.

Jay, listen--

Wait, let me go first.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have gotten jealous.

I trust you.

And Kyle seems like
a really great guy.

He made a pass at me.

I knew it! I was right!

Oh, I am so angry,
but also vindicated,

so I'm a little
happy about that.

How far did
you let it go?

Blink twice for
"all the way."

I facepalmed him immediately.

Okay, why is that
everyone's move suddenly?

You start it.

Oh, right.
That's true.

Alberta Haynes, trendsetter.

JAY:
Let's just put this all

behind us and pretend
it never happened.

No, Jay. Listen,
I don't want to do that

because this whole thing
has just reminded me

how lucky I am to have you.

I know it's not easy

to be married to somebody
who has my abilities,

and you're patient
and understanding,

and I don't
tell you that enough.

Small man

about to be thrown out
side of house,

if you know what Thor mean.

I love you, Jay.

I know.

That was Han Solo, Empire.

Is Pete in the room?

No.
Oh, well then,

I love you, too.

JAY: Sass and Joan
are still up there?

Something's wrong.
It's been too long.

Calm down, Jay,
this isn't helping anyone.

That's it, I'm
going in there.

Flower, no!

They might need help.

This isn't something two people

should do by themselves.

Wait, there he is.

♪ ♪

Well?

Oh, yeah.

[all cheering]

Yeah!

♪ ♪

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and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
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