Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

♪

(Text on screen)

(curious music plays)

- Is this something for something or can I throw this out?

- Not sure. That could be something.

Put it in this bowl of possible somethings.

- I'm having more cheesies! - Oh, shh, shh.

Morris is napping so, keep it down.

Also, no more snacks before lunch.

- Oh, thank you for the cheesies, Mrs. Berney.

Should this go in the dishwasher?

- Um... yeah, you're, you're very welcome, Maya.

Uh, yes.

(Astrid): There's a lot of ways to evaluate your parenting.

(James): How well your kids do in school, how many cavities they have.

Do they cheat at go fish?

(Astrid): She beat you fair and square, James.

Let it go, man. You don't wanna judge yourself too harshly.

(James): But sometimes you meet a child who's so well-behaved.

- Guess who found her old Halloween candy.

Trick-or-treat, fart butts.

(Astrid): You realize you've been fudging your grades.

Felix. - Hmm?

- Did you notice how, how Maya didn't just leave her bowl

around for someone else,

she put it in the dishwasher?

- Oh, ooh! I made a hilarious movie.

- No. No, no. - You have to see it.

- But, in the... - Come on, I think I left the iPad outside.

- Is it the one where I die? - Oh yeah.

- Maybe our kids behave perfectly at other people's houses.

We just don't know it. - Hmm.

- Oh, um, enjoy your afternoon. (Viv): Where's the iPad?

(Felix): I don't know. I left it right here.

- There's no way.

- Yeah, you enjoy your afternoon. (Maya): Thank you!

(Viv): No, I didn't! (Felix): Yes, you did!

(Viv): No, I didn't!

- There you go. - Aw, thank you.

Mm.

(Bo grumbles)

Ugh.

Apologies. To me, drip coffee tastes like a hitchhiker's sock.

- Huh. - I'm in a bad way, James.

- CEO blues? - No, GoBo is thriving.

Crochet is the new denim.

But I can feel myself slipping into a Bo I swore

I would never be again, "Bo Business."

- Bo money, Bo problems. - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I will say you look more buttoned up than normal.

Except the sandals.

- Well, as long as my toes are breathing, so am I.

And unburdening myself to you is like a sandal for the soul.

- Okay.

- But how goes your poor job search?

- It's... it's okay. It's good.

Uh, I mean, it's not great, obviously.

A lot of work to be done around the house

so, 3:30 rolls around quicker than you think.

- I caught a dead grasshopper at school.

Her name is Thunder. - My old lunch container

was in the gym, so now I've got two.

- What's for dinner? Tacos forever!

- Oh yeah, I need knee pads for gym class tomorrow.

- See ya! (Felix): We're gone!

(Viv): What about a knee pad taco?

(Felix): Best combination.

(Felix and Viv): Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!

- Yeah, they kinda keep me busy in um, rolling the same

boulder up a hill every day kind of way.

(downtrodden music plays)

(yawns loudly) (lunch squishes)

- You just sat on my lunch. - Oh, sorry.

I'm still drowsy.

That Indian lunch buffet knocked me out.

Had to take a nap in the car.

What'd I miss? - Most of the day.

- Oh. - Leonard's still leading.

The polls love him. And I'm actually pretty surprised

with how much engagement the slogan "Cut The Crap"

is getting. But also, not surprised.

- People hate crap. I'm neutral.

- Yes, well, Leonard's chosen a side.

He wants bigger fines for owners who don't pick up after their dogs.

Bigger the dog, bigger the fine.

- That's a great idea. Ooh!

Which reminds me, when I was asleep in the car,

I dreamed a great idea.

Okay. Okay, cool.

So, it's a park community clean up.

People come together, they make the park

more beautiful, and romantic.

You know, maybe somebody finds true love or something?

It's not, not important. - Okay, I mean, we have had

a lot of complaints with how filthy Ellsworth Park is,

and that's right in the middle of Leonard's riding.

- Okay, so... - All right.

Go on, get to work.

- Oh, don't you usually handle most stuff?

- I'm actually handling enough right now.

And while I don't work for you anymore, Jean-Luc,

I do believe in you.

- Okay, cool.

Um, so, some people, some bags, some garbage.

Maybe a special lady introduces herself.

She digs my grassroots vibes. I'm into her smile.

- I'm into you taking this fan fiction elsewhere.

- Right, that makes more sense. Cool.

(door opens and shuts)

(Astrid): What the hell happened?

(James): I swear, it was tidy before the kids showed up.

They ripped through here like twin tornadoes,

ate everything they could get their hands on, and then moved north.

- This is out of control. I don't get it.

We told them a million times to clean up after themselves.

They just don't care.

There's a bowl of cereal on the stairs!

- That's mine. I actually forgot that.

But the rest of this is the kids.

- How are our kids such inconsiderate slobs?

Is this our fault? - No, no, no.

If it was our fault then how come Morris turned out to be so helpful?

All you have to do is sing the clean up song.

♪ Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere ♪

♪ Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share ♪

- The daycare taught him that.

And to be honest, I find it unnerving.

- You don't listen to her. Morris, you're doing great work.

- Yay! - Here's the deal.

I'm gonna clean up this room. Again.

And then we'll make dinner in peace and quiet

while number one and number two are occupied.

- Okay. - Okay.

(instrumental clean up song plays)

(James singing clean up song)

- Wait.

It's our fault.

The kids don't help us with anything

because we just do everything anyway.

We're literally doing it right now.

- Oh, my. You're right.

(Viv): How come I don't smell dinner?

(huffs) - Okay, they want dinner?

They're gonna have to help make it.

- That's... yeah, I think that sounds

like more trouble than it's worth.

(Felix): Can someone bring me a snack?

(tense music plays briefly)

- We must break them.

(Felix): Helloooo?

- Felix, can you stop waving that knife around?

You're slicing a pepper, not working at Benihana.

Um, James, where is the spaghetti?

- Oh, uh no more spaghetti, but if we use the last of the fusilli,

penne, and macaroni, we could have a shape-a-aghetti.

- How many eggs go in a souffle?

- None! We're making pasta.

- I'm doing my own thing.

- You've literally mashed that to a pulp.

- I know. I'm insane.

- Hey, where is the frying pan? - Whoa!

Beef on the floor. - Oh, my gosh.

- It's okay. Morris will clean it up. Morris.

♪ Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere ♪

(James): Felix, stop. - I mean, he's brainwashed.

- Let's help make dinner all the time.

- Yeah, it's so funny. And getting pizza is the best reward.

- No, no, pizza's not a reward, it's a last resort.

Because it's so late. Morris is already asleep.

- Most of the dinner either ended up burnt or on the floor.

I think in lieu of this failed experiment,

you guys should clear the table.

- You're kidding. - What did we do to deserve that?

- All right, plates aren't gonna clear themselves. Chop, chop!

- All of them? But I only used one.

- Well, your mother and I paid for all the pizza.

So... chop, chop!

(Felix and Viv grumble)

- Pass me your plates.

- Yeah, scrape all the crust on to one plate

then stack the rest of the plates.

There we go.

- Not the wine. Not the wine.

The wine stays. Everything else, to the kitchen.

And we're off!

- It's full! - We're screwed.

- Okay, you just... just put the dishes on the counter

and just go get ready for bed.

- Yes! - And don't say screwed.

Right? - I don't know.

- So, I just told Leonard about the park idea and he's psyched.

- But let me guess, he's not coming?

- Nah, he's not. But you're coming at least.

- Ooh, no, incorrect. Yeah, I will not be there.

Not coming. Don't want to.

- Oh. So, I'm totally alone.

- Yes. - That's cool.

I mean, I got a great response online.

Oh, and check this out.

Custom campaign trash bags.

- Maybe don't put our candidate's face on garbage?

- Oh yeah. Okay, good point.

I mean, just printing this one bag cost 18 bucks so,

huge savings right there, right? Yeah! Get it.

(spits coffee) Yep, hmm, still hate coffee.

Blech.

Cool. - Oh, what?

Are you done with that?

- Yes? - Huh, and yet there it sits.

Hmm, what to do?

- Oh!

- Oh. - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, okay.

(cutlery clangs) Uh...

(dishes rattles) Oh no.

Um...

(mug clangs on dishes)

- I think you're gonna have to run it.

- Yeah. Uh, totally.

It's just... (dishes clatter)

Um...

(humming to self)

Uh yeah, I'm just gonna make a quick phone call.

(call dials)

Hey, Mom. Uh, weird question.

(speaking foreign language)

(James): Hello?

- James, yeah, we're gonna need to fix our kids.

I've seen the future and it's useless.

- No, no, no, what do you mean put soap in the door?

In, how? Mom!

Can, can you come here?

was eye-opening, James.

Look, I never wanted to be like my mom,

banging on my bedroom door first thing

every Saturday morning with a vacuum.

I don't know, I think she might have been right.

- Me too. I mean, I only did chores because my dad made me feel guilty.

And really, I think that guilt was more about my mom abandoning us.

- Yeah, it's not just about chores, James, it's about survival.

- Mm-hmm. - How will our kids survive

if you get burnt in a fire and I get kidnapped?

- On the same day? - We need a course correction.

- Yes, our kids need to learn how to take care of themselves.

- And us. - What?

- There will come a day where you're on your deathbed

and I'm paralyzed... with grief.

Sitting next to you, holding your hand,

rubbing your arm, telling you,

"Hey, baby, everything's gonna be okay.

Baby, everything's gonna be okay." You look at me.

You have no idea who I even am.

- Okay, maybe let's just circle back--

- I'm showing you pictures to remind you of our life.

You look up at me. You say,

"Who's this beautiful woman?"

- Our kids need life skills, and teaching them life skills

is not one of our life skills. - Right.

What do we do? What's the plan?

- A chore wheel. That's a thing.

- Chore wheel, James? Chore wheel.

This can't be solved with arts and crafts.

- Well. - There's no magic bullet or,

or enchanted wheel that's gonna solve this for us.

Come on. - I know, you're right. I know.

- Come on! - I know!

I'm just...

What we need is like, a deliberate, calculated,

consistent approach that's gonna take years.

But if we keep at it, who knows?

(Astrid scoffs)

This is a chore wheel.

Each section has a different chore on it.

And when you spin the spinner thing,

you do whatever chore it lands on.

(Astrid): Well, Daddy made it, but it was my idea.

- Yeah. - And I emailed him

the instructions and I chose the colors.

And then changed my mind about a color.

- It was a full cooperation,

which is exactly what this is all about.

- Can I show you what I made?

It's a flower puppet named...

(dramatic): Thunder.

- No. - For example.

I'm gonna give it a spin. What did I get?

I got, ooh. (James gasps)

Clear the gutters. Clean the oven?

James, none of us can do those things.

- Yeah, I may have gotten carried away with all the stuff

that needs doing around here. Also, I had a small panic attack

and laid on the floor. - Been there.

- Okay, ignore anything that requires a ladder or noxious fumes,

and give this wheel a spin-erooni.

- I got... tidy room.

- Oh. - No thanks.

I'm doing take out garbage.

- No, no, the spinner chooses. Not you.

- Are any of these prizes?

- Living in a nice, clean house is the best prize of all.

- That's no fun. - It's not supposed to be fun.

- You guys are making zero sense.

Is this a dream?

(dramatic): Wake up, Viv.

Wake up, Viv! Wake up, Viv!

- Hey.

(video plays through headphones)

What's this?

The chore was to tidy up, not to make more garbage.

- It's not garbage. It's a hack.

I took all my stuff and made it into an awesome, fake leather bean bag chair.

Watch this.

(items snap) Oh.

I think I sat on a Nerf gun. Ugh.

- Trying to muster sympathy for ya.

(Felix): Ow. - Really trying.

(Felix): Dad? - All right, sit up.

Look, can we just, are you good?

(James): You have limited energy

and chores are a drain on your power supply.

(Astrid): But getting your kids to help with the chores

is yet another chore.

- That's fine.

(vacuum whirring) - Viv.

(Viv humming) Viv. Viv!

Vacuums are not for harmonizing! They're for cleaning!

(James): A chore that takes more energy than just doing the chores yourself.

(Astrid): But you have to power through until the chores are done.

- I'm doing it my way!

Mahhhh!

(Astrid): Or until somebody blows a fuse.

(meter beeping)

(James): Okay, Viv, you have got re-grout the bathroom tiles.

(Viv): Woo! - James, she's not a Property Brother.

- Yeah, okay. Um, here, clean under the couch cushions.

- Can I keep or eat what I find?

- No! Please don't tell me you've eaten food

from the couch before.

- Okay.

(James): Felix, my man!

Got put away the Stanley Cup. - Stanley Cup?

- Yeah, that's uh, my cute little nickname for Mommy's

clutter sculpture over there on the bookshelf.

- But that dumb bead kit isn't mine.

Or that dumb mermaid book.

(James): Okay. - That's Viv's Stanley Cup.

- That's your Minecraft coloring book.

- Well, actually, it's a strategy guide.

- Guys, take what's yours and put it away.

- Why are you making us clean the whole house?

It's your house. - That we all live in together.

- Well, that's not our fault.

We didn't ask to be born.

- Don't complain about existing. Life is a miracle.

Life is also a series of mundane tasks.

- You said if I got a dog then I would have to clean up after it.

But we're like, your dogs, so don't you have to clean up after us?

- No more philosophizing.

Do as you're told because we said so.

(Felix): How do you even... (James): This isn't working.

(items crash to floor)

(bowl rolling around)

- Go get your jackets.

- Sorry, Mommy. - Really sorry.

Wait, so you brought us to a park where we could just chill,

but we're not chilling, we're picking up garbage?

- Correct. - But I didn't drop any of this garbage.

- Viv, none of these people made this mess.

They're all helping out so we can have a clean park.

- Is this like, a lesson about cleaning our home like we have to clean the planet?

- Yes. Although, most of this garbage is just going to a landfill anyway,

including, unfortunately, most of the recycling.

- James. (Jean-Luc): Astrid, you came!

And you brought the whole fam. You want a t-shirt?

- No. - Oh, that's cool.

I can't believe how many people showed up.

Hey man, how's it goin'? - How you doin'?

- Good, good. I brought some extra garbage

from home just in case we ran out. No detail spared.

- First aid. Bathrooms. A water station.

A sign!

- All good ideas for next time. And there will be a next time.

I found my passion. (both): Oh.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

- I'm Jean-Luc. - Nice to meet you.

- Do you like garbage? - Yeah, let's go.

- At least we get new robot hands.

- So mid.

How long do we have to do this?

- As long as it takes, Felix.

The point is to do something selfless

so we don't have to pick up after you.

Now, run along. Be altruistic.

(curious music plays)

I think we're picking up Jean-Luc's home garbage now.

(James): Hmm. Hello. - Is this enough?

(James): You guys did all that? - That is great work.

How does it feel to do something good for your community?

- Hot and hungry.

- My neck hurts from looking down at garbage.

- Okay, do you maybe feel, I don't know, proud or inspired?

- If I say yes do I get a reward?

- Just 'cause you did a good thing, Viv,

doesn't mean you're entitled to a reward.

A lot of hard work goes unnoticed.

And you can't expect anything in return.

- Ice cream! (Felix): Oh, my gosh!

(Jean-Luc): I got us an ice cream truck.

Creamy rewards for everyone!

- Awesome! - Can I have

the vanilla ice cream, the chocolate ice cream--

- Banana bowl. - Strawberry ice cream.

(Felix): Iceberg. Please, please snow cone!

(Viv): With the banana boat!

(James): Think they learned anything?

I mean, we wanted them to pitch in and they did.

- Yeah, but only after we forced them.

They hated every minute of it

and then expected a big reward at the end.

And then they got it. They learned squat.

- Silver lining, a lot of the most powerful people in the world, very entitled.

- Yeah. Maybe they'll grow up to be like farmer bros or tech psychos.

- Right? Nice guys finish last.

Also, I noticed that you finished your ice cream.

Would you like some of mine? - Oh, yeah.

Thank you, nice guy. Sucker.

- Yeah. - Hi there.

You're Felix and Viv's parents, right?

I'm Laurel. I'm Maya's mom.

- Hi. - Oh, hello.

- Hi. Felix texted Maya to come and meet him

and Viv at the park. So nice.

- Felix texted. How did he--

- Ah, he stole my phone. - Ugh.

- Rat. - Rat.

- Your kids have been so kind to Maya

ever since we moved here.

She's had a little trouble making friends at school,

but, Felix always includes her and she thinks Viv is just a riot.

(laughs)

- Well, thank you for saying that.

- Yeah. - Well, kindness is learned

at home and that's you guys.

So, thank you.

- Oh, that's... - Well, we do try to...

- Well, thank you. - Thank you.

- Thank you for... - Maya is the best.

- She's, woo, she's golden. - Incredibly polite.

- Yeah. - Oh, well, that's good.

She can be a little bit of a handful.

She refuses to go to bed

and she swears like she's in a Scorsese film, so.

We call her "little Pesci mouth."

- Really? - Yeah.

- I guess some kids, you know,

they save their worst behavior for home.

- She also does this thing where she draws

these incredibly mean drawings of me and hides them in weird places.

It's kinda scary.

- That is so nice to hear.

(Viv): Come on, Felix and Maya! (Felix): Yeah!

(Viv, Felix, and Maya playing)

(kids cheering)

(Jean-Luc): Yeah, that was really cool.

- Okay. - No, I'll see you in a bit.

- Bye. (Astrid): Hey, great job.

- Thanks, Astrid. That means so much.

Really nailed it, didn't I? - You really did.

Yeah, clean park. Unlikely romance.

And I can't believe you got Leonard to pay for an ice cream truck.

- Oh, uh, he didn't pay for that.

I booked it, but we cleaned the park

so the city will waive the fee, right?

- Oh, do you think that ice cream trucks are city vehicles?

They're not.

- Oh, snap.

I guess he won't be taking the big piles of garbage bags

with him either.

- I'll see you at work, Jean-Luc.

- Yeah, uh. Yeah, yeah, I'll, I'll talk to him

and figure something out. Alone.

By myself.

Hey!

- Mommy! - Mom!

- Oh, I get hugs.

(Astrid): There are lots of ways

to evaluate how you're doing as parents.

Do your kids make their bed every day?

Do they say please and thank you?

Are they kind to people?

(James): Do they swipe your phone?

Is it for good reason? (Astrid): James.

(James): Fine. Our kids aren't great

at helping out around the house.

(cutlery clangs)

We're not that great at it either.

(Astrid): But the dream of a household

where everyone pitches in is worth pursuing.

(James): If we keep working on it, we'll get there.

(Astrid): Eventually.

Plates are in the dishwasher.

- Mm-hmm.

(Morris): Yucky.

back to my place, maybe two bags at a time in the car.

And then every week, I'll just take out one bag

because, you know, garbage day.

It's the only way we can do this.

And then, maybe as time goes on,

this can kinda be incorporated into the architecture

and the feng shui. Yeah, yeah.

I think we can clean this. Together.

- Hmm, yeah. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Cool, sounds great.

Oh, man. (hand bangs on truck)

(Jean-Luc): Oh yeah, uh, yeah, totally, sir.

I'll be right there in five seconds. I promise.

I promise I'll pay. I'm good for the money.

Heh, heh. Do you take bitcoin?

(rhythmic music)

Subtitling: difuze