Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

♪

(Text on screen)

- So, your husband ran away 48 hours ago

because his crochet business got so successful

he had a nervous breakdown? - Mm-hmm.

- Can you describe him? - He...

(sobs) - Oh.

- Uh, he um, he's very kind and loving husband.

You mean how he looks. Uh... - Um...

- Uh... - Beard. Hair.

Like a French Zach Galifianakis. - Mm-hmm.

- He was wearing raw silk, loose fit trousers,

one volcanic bead bracelet,

one teak and sandalwood bead bracelet.

(sobs) I'm sorry.

- Dawn, we're here for you.

Everybody's focused on bringing Bo back.

(Viv): Mommy?

Can we get this for our house?

It's so good.

(Felix): Dad's not working, Viv.

We have to buy the cheap stuff.

(Astrid): Hey, you guys love Apple Joyce.

- You mean juice?

- No, it's, it's Joyce.

- It's Joyce.

(Astrid): When there's an emergency,

you clear everything else off your plate.

(James): Laundry, finding a job,

seeing a dentist, it all gets postponed.

(Astrid): But you can't postpone parenting.

Kids still need to eat and be told not to skateboard in the house.

- Anything else you can tell me that might be of help?

- Well, before Uncle Bo left, he told me something.

(Dawn gasps) (James): An emergency also

might be an opportunity for a kid to step up.

- Nah, it was something about goji berries.

I forget. (Dawn): Oh.

(Astrid): Or not.

(Dawn sobbing)

(Dawn): Oh God.

Bo!

My Bo-Bo.

- Can I interest you in some Apple Joyce?

- Uh, I'll stick to water, yeah.

It's um, my fuel, friggin' um, my battery.

- Uh, uh so last time Bo had an episode, he walked to Guelph.

- We're not here to find Bo, James.

It's you we're looking for.

GoBo is still in the middle of a major merger

with Gero's Grocery. - You can't have a merger

without the founder and president of GoBo.

- Oh, Bo made it clear

that you are acting president until he returns.

- It's time for the bear to eat the, the friggin' uh, the deer.

Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

- Are you doing Kendall Roy from "Succession?"

- Okay, James. Focus.

I need you to be present and to sign the deal when it's done.

But you're gonna let me do the talking.

I'm like a level 20 Dragonborn.

You're like a level 1 Paladin. (phone rings)

(Ennis): Dragons right, yeah. (James): Hello?

- James. (James): Where are you?

- I need you to speak at my negotiation.

As my confidante, you know

my most intimate business thoughts.

If GoBo isn't safely in family hands...

I don't know what I might do. - Don't do anything.

I will speak for you at the final negotiations.

- What? You?

- It's a real crap storm at the dang factory.

(Bo): Well, I won't be in contact for the next third of the day.

In the meantime, please reassure my beloved Dawn

that this present-day furlough shant unfold like the previous interlude.

- He said he'd be back in no time.

- Bo called you?

He's handling business instead of calling me?

- James, if you speak to that deadbeat again,

you tell him that Dawn needs him.

Look at her! - No, please don't. I'm a mess.

- Can I get you anything?

Should I find my own way to the midwife appointment?

- No, I can take you.

I guess I have to get used to being a single parent.

(scoffs) Can you drive?

- Uh, okay. Yep.

- I'm so glad you both are here.

Thank you. - Yes, we love you, Dawn.

We're gonna be here for you. - 100%, we got you.

- Of course.

(door closes)

Well, I can't be there for her. - We don't got anything.

- Leonard's campaign is already in the toilet because of me.

We're working long hours. I barely see the kids as is.

- I gotta handle a big merger. That's gonna go late.

Like, late, late. - Who's gonna pick the kids up from school?

Who's gonna take care of them?

Morris' daycare is already being fumigated.

My sister's completely lost control.

Look at this charcuterie plate, James. It's all grapes!

- Um, we could, um...

(sighs heavily)

I could take Morris to work and then Felix walks Viv home

from school and then watches her for a couple hours?

- That's a 15 minute walk across a very busy street.

He, he's too young for that. - I used to walk across

streets all the time. I was younger than him.

- You didn't live in a city. They could be hit by a bus

or attacked by coywolves, or kidnapped.

- We live in Parkdale, not a Liam Neeson movie.

This is one day only, and he's a responsible kid.

- We have to prep them. Thoroughly.

- So, we've been over what route to take,

what to do in case of fire, flood,

uh, duct cleaning scam, and coywolf attack.

- Yes, I will bring Morris to work

because I never get to see you, Moomoo.

Love you. (Morris): Yay!

- Um, and I'll be home at 5:00. Right?

You guys know the rules.

- Yeah, yeah, not too many snacks.

Not too much TV. Don't use the oven.

Be nice to each other. And don't answer the door.

- If for any reason we have to send someone to come get you,

they will have a secret family safe word that only we know.

Now, what shall that word be?

- Pee-poo-fart-butt.

(Viv laughs) - Okay, no, not that.

- Ooh, okay. What about um, pickle spider?

- No, it's worse than pee-poo-fart-butt.

- Are you imaging the body is not a pickle or the legs?

- No, no, no. - All of it's a pickle.

(overlapping chatter)

Okay, guys, guys, guys.

Here we go.

The family secret safe word,

that we will never have to use, will be pee-poo-fart-butt.

(both): Yes!

- I think we're ready. (together): Pee-poo-fart-butt!

Pee-poo-fart-butt!

(Jean-Luc): I don't think it's that serious.

(Leonard): It is a little serious, all right?

(Leonard sighs)

Oh look, Astrid showed up.

With a toddler.

- Yeah, sorry, we had a family emergency

and we've been too busy to find childcare.

- Yes, things are busy.

And why are they so busy, Jean-Luc?

- Oh, uh, numbers. - The numbers.

I was doing great here, but then something happened here.

What was it? (Astrid sighs)

- The hug incident. - Yes, the hug incident.

- Oh!

(Leonard): I'm not so scary, am I?

- Leonard, I didn't ask you to hug the woman.

I was trying to tell you to smile.

- Well, we didn't work out hand signals.

This could mean literally anything.

We've got to focus, people.

Jean-Luc has a way of getting us back in the game.

- So, our main rival is Charles Martin.

- Charles Martin. - Who's a big supporter of little libraries.

- The things people put on their front yard to share books?

- Except now we're gonna call them... black market libraries,

'cause who knows what they put in them?

- Well, I do.

Pornography, razor blades,

books on how to do drugs better.

- Is there not a more serious bone to pick with Martin?

NIMBYism? He's dead set against rezoning.

- Boring! We're putting little libraries in our crosshairs.

Can you handle that, Astrid? - Yes.

But um, actually, I have to leave at 4:30 today.

- PM? Ugh!

- Yeah, right? Uh, hashtag the cavalry, yeah? Here we go.

- Why are you impersonating a "Succession" character?

- I don't know. I thought it was helping.

I just wanna do a cool business move.

You know, they're all doing cool business moves on that show.

- I hear you, man. I need help, too.

Gero's is sending some professional negotiation...

shark to chew my face off.

(sighing) - How's my hair, by the way?

Does this look okay? - Front.

Front. It's front and top. (Ennis): Okay.

- Sides. (Ennis): Okay.

(phone ringing) - Oh. Hello?

- James, I have mere moments before everything goes dark.

(James): What's that mean? Bo, where are you?

- It doesn't matter.

Look, keep the conversation off GoBo's valuation.

It may be a little high,

especially if they think I won't be around.

- Uh, yeah, you're gonna be around, right, Bo?

(call clicks off) Bo?

Bo? Bo? Bo? Bo?

- Was that Bo? (James): N...

- Did he have a message for me?

- He said, "hi."

- Hi?

(dark music)

That's our safe word.

Something's wrong.

- Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, look at me. (music ends)

He didn't have a message for you. I'm so, so sorry.

- Marla's here with the Gero negotiation team.

I'll um, send them down.

- "Hi" as a safe word?

Mine's "SpaghettiOs."

- My kids picked "pee-poo-fart-butt." - Oh.

- James, Ennis, uh, you remember Beth?

- Holy frickin' reunion!

It's so nice to see you guys.

- Uh, Beth is Gero's main negotiator.

- I know. Crazy, right?

I tried to get out of it, but whew,

those talks did not go well.

- Hmm. - Huh.

(♪ Trendsetter ♪ by Connor Price & Haviah Mighty)

♪ Yeah. Trendsetter, whoa ♪

♪ League of my own, it don't get better, no ♪

♪ Read what I wrote, I'm a best seller, yeah ♪

♪ Reach for my goals, hit it dead centre... ♪

(Felix): When you have parents, they stress you about useless stuff like dishes

and not watching movies where guys get their heads chopped off.

(Viv): Heads get chopped off all the time. It's normal.

(Felix, mocking): Hey, finish your laundry.

(Viv, mocking): Do your homework.

(Felix): Don't steal our chips. (Viv): Flush the toilet.

Stop not flushing the toilet.

(Felix, normal): Sometimes, I just wanna chill.

Viv, hurry. The sooner we get home,

the more screen time we can have.

- I hate being wet. - It's okay.

Come on, it'll dry fast. - No, it won't!

- Okay, I'm counting down from 100, and then I'm going.

- That's not enough time. - 100, 99,

98, 97, 96, 95...

(Beth laughs) - So, that was my first

and last time on an electric unicycle.

(laughing)

- That is a good story, Beth. Wow.

- Beth, I've never been happy to see you.

- Happier. - Happier to see you.

Uh, why don't we finish up this deal and go consume food

in each other's company? - Doesn't that sound so natural?

- Oh, stop. I would love that.

Okay, I guess I should at least pretend to do my job.

- Okay, sure. Fire away.

- How exactly did you arrive

at this absurdly generous valuation?

- Uh... (dark music)

You know, growth potential and profitability.

- Look, I'm not trying to brag

but I grow zucchini in my backyard.

You wouldn't believe how fast these things mature.

One day, barely sprouts.

And then the next... Boom! Full size.

Like the zucchini, GoBo is done growing.

You're not worth anything near what you're asking for.

- Okay, yeah, enough, uh, hokey pokey.

- No, no, we don't have to-- - Yeah, this friggin' deal

is so sexy it sets unrealistic beauty standards in women,

causing depression in friggin' teens, yeah?

So, Beth, the train is about to leave the station.

Do we climb the beanstalk or do you wanna be crying wolf

on the way to Grandma's house

with a burnt-up witch and house full of candy?

(phone buzzes) - Why isn't your founder Bo here?

- I'm so sorry.

I have to cut this meeting short. I have an emergency.

(tense music)

- Can we talk about what happened with Felix today?

- We had a trial run. We learned a lot.

Tomorrow's gonna go perfect. - He left Viv at school

and she had a meltdown.

- Okay, he's not gonna do that again.

And he just needs another chance to step it up.

Ugh!

- I feel like you're pushing him to do something

he's not ready for so you can be GoBo's saviour for a day.

- What if it's not for a day?

I mean, you're making decent money now

and we're spending every penny.

What if I was also making decent money?

Ooh, brand name juice.

Viv's therapist. The vacation.

- I just think it's too much for him to handle right now.

- Just imagine, if you will, we're both in a furniture store.

We see a furniture thing and we say, "Oh, we can buy that."

- I don't wanna buy that. I don't like it.

It doesn't go with the curtains. - Why did you imagine furniture

that doesn't go with the curtains?

- 'Cause I don't like this store!

- But, but-- (Viv): Mom!

I hit my nose on the mirror.

- I'm gonna pick them up from school.

I'm gonna take Morris again. It's fine.

(James): He called me this morning. - Okay.

- It was mostly business, but he did say that he loved you

and that he was dedicating all his time to family.

- Dedicating? He's gone.

Corey is at boarding school.

It is just me and a baby bump that is not even in my body!

Thank you, Zinnia.

- James! (groans)

Get your sword and shield ready. The dragon is here.

- Okay, Beth is the dragon, I assume?

- I am the dragon! You are the knight.

Ennis is the archer. And Beth is the evil robot.

- What a weird fight.

- James! - Ah! Okay.

(Morris): Look at my picture.

- Hi, Astrid. Uh, did you get pictures of little libraries

that look like they're brimming with guns or knives?

- No, I did not.

- Huh, well when the press get here,

I'll just have to use words to slander the library.

Words, how poetic.

(Jean-Luc): And if you follow me this way, yeah, yeah,

just over here, we've got coffee, water, cookies.

Anything you need.

- Leonard, bringing the press is a really bad idea.

- I have no options. I have to win them back, Astrid.

- Are you gonna pat anyone on the head today, Leonard?

- Are you gonna shut up talking today?

(laughs) - That's Leonard.

He said that to me in a context that is both hilarious

and very respectful so, don't...

Let me see your speech. - There is no speech.

I took a Second City class. I'll improv.

- No. No, no, no, no.

Let's just, let's go over talking points, okay?

I'll, I'll stay later.

- Oh, you're gonna stay 'til what, 4:45? Hmm?

(Morris): Moomoo!

(tense music)

- Because we ended so early yesterday,

I poured over GoBo's every financial detail.

A suspicious amount of money spent on smoothies.

- GoBo has Smoothie Tuesdays. - And Thirsty Thursdays,

where you can get any drink you want.

But most people want smoothies. What of it, Beth?

- Well, is the inflated price

so that Gero can pay for your many treats and goodies?

- Listen, Beth, I worked at Gero's a long time.

We didn't have Smoothie Tuesdays.

In fact, you tried to replace us with AI.

And your CEO is in the news

for running over dolphins with a yacht.

- Yeah, what is up with that, Beth?

I thought you loved animals?

- I sponsor three depressed horses,

and I do a baton routine at Toronto's annual hawk

and falcon rehab fundraiser. So, yes, I love animals.

- Point is you've been in a PR nightmare.

Meanwhile, here at GoBo, we've been in the news.

- And in seven podcasts. - And seven podcasts,

for being wonderful to people. And to animals.

You're not just buying GoBo's product,

you're buying our reputation.

(James' phone chimes)

Um, oh God.

Okay. - Another interruption?

- Unfortunately... - Unfortunately,

we have another interested buyer.

- What the frig? - In fact, I think it's time

for me to maybe go pick them up and introduce them to Joyce?

- Cool business move.

- And uh, any message from the president?

- Make sure you tell them pee-poo-fart-butt.

- You got it.

- Of course, it's our preference to close with Gero's.

(mysterious music)

- Why are they so late?

- It's gonna be okay.

Hey, what kinda cake do you want for your birthday?

- Hmm, I want the kinda cake that has candy fall out of it.

- Cool. So like, candy falls out of it all the time?

- No, when you cut it.

- Oh. So, when you cut the cake, candy falls out.

And then when you cut the candy, cake falls out.

And then when you cut the cake, candy falls out?

- And it keeps going so you have cake and candy forever.

- Yeah.

(tender music)

Ooh, want me to teach you how to snap your fingers?

Then you can snap at Dad. Kinda like this.

Hey! Stop eating my cake and candy.

(Viv chuckles softly)

So, you take these two fingers

and you push them together. Yeah. Then you just push.

(fingers snap) Nice.

(scattered chatter)

- Hello.

Thank you.

Thank you for that warm welcome.

(Morris): Mama, I wanna go outside. (sighs)

- I'm here to announce that there is a fight brewing...

(Morris screams then cries) ...between me, Leonard Flynn

and a topic that is tearing the city apart.

(crying continues)

And it's that,

that my hardworking staff can't find daycare.

And I find that unacceptable.

Now, some of my opponents, like Charles Martin,

wanna blab on about little libraries.

But who really cares?

I wanna create more space for childcare

so parents can get back to work.

(applause)

I actually care about people.

I do. So, that's why I want you--

- Um, I don't like this. Why am I here?

- Well, you know, guy by himself walking into a school

is a little bit creepy.

And this way, we look like bonafide breeders,

know what I mean? - Okay.

- Hi. (both): Hi.

- Can I help you? - Yes, we are here

to pick up young Phoenix. - Felix.

- And Viv. - Viv. Yeah.

- Okay, um but there, there are no students here.

- What I meant to say is uh, pee-poo-fart-butt.

(curious music)

- That's a safe word 'cause they aren't our kids.

- Yeah, we're not really kid people.

You know what I mean? - No. This isn't even ours.

- Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. We met at a bar.

- Okay. We need to go to the office.

- Oh, okay. - Oh, okay.

- Let's go. - Yeah.

- SpaghettiOs. - Huh?

- SpaghettiOs. - SpaghettiOs.

Oh yeah, okay good.

- Hey. Hey!

- Okay, let's just... (James): Hello?

- Hey, James. (James): Hey.

- Yeah, your kids aren't at school, man.

They're missing. (James): What?! What?!

- Felix? Viv? - Felix!

(Astrid): Felix! - Where were you guys?

Viv was freaking out. - Where is she?

- Well, when no one came, I took her home, like we planned yesterday.

Her shoes got wet on the way home so, I'm drying them off.

- Felix, I'm so proud of you.

Please do not microwave your sister's shoes.

(Felix): Oh. - You did real good, buddy.

(Felix): It's hard to know when parents will stop freaking out.

Maybe because they never really stop freaking--

(Astrid): Knock it off! You're not wise enough for the voice thing.

Team hug, everybody.

(James): Life brings us emergencies.

Some are big. Some just feel big.

(Astrid): Sometimes you rise to the occasion.

Sometimes you barely make it through.

But when the crisis is over,

you can't go back to how things were before.

- Well, this is good. I mean, now we know

that they can do this when we need 'em too.

- I don't want him to have to take care of his sister,

and then get his driver's license and then move out of our house.

- He just tried to microwave his sister's shoes.

I think he's still a kid.

- All right, drinking at work.

Is this Brut or Cava?

- Where the hell were you? - Oh, hey, hey, hey, just...

- Hey, do not touch me. - I was just getting my drink.

I'm so sorry. - Apologies.

- Hi, wow. - Hey... Bo.

- I went temporarily... to Switzerland.

After James reminded me

how much I miss my family, I called Corey.

He was terribly homesick.

So, I went to pick him up.

- Aw, that's so sweet.

Why didn't you tell anyone?

- Oh, he swore me to secrecy. He was embarrassed.

- He's home now and we're all together.

- Mmm.

(moaning)

- Hi.

- Hey, Corey, how are ya?

- Peace be with you.

- Yeah. - Huh?

- The Swiss boarding school was more religious than we knew.

It's fine.

It's fine. - James, I'm taking a step back

from work to be with my family.

Would you consider staying on at GoBo?

- You got it, brother.

(exhales happily)

- Yes.

- Shall we pray?

- Nah, it's fine.

Thank you, though.

And then, all of a sudden, they're roping in the hawks.

Like, call me a purist, and you didn't hear this from me,

but the hawks are doing just fine.

They've got benefactors, seed money.

(scoffs) Gimme a break.

- Seed money for actual seeds?

- And don't repeat this. - To whom?

- Who would we tell? - The hawks?

- I want everybody to thrive, don't get me wrong.

(Ennis and Marla chatter) - Sign, here it says name.

Here, I'll do this for you.

- Oh wait, I'm not supposed to sign anything.

- Oh, is the person who does,

who, who does the... That's not you?

(theme music)

Subtitling: difuze