Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

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(Text on screen)

(toy squeaking) (Morris): Feel my toy.

- At night, school belongs to the kids!

(Morris): Felix. - We make beautiful humans.

- Can we go to the gym? At parent-teacher night,

everybody plays bloody murder and murder ball.

- All right, sold. Get outta here.

- Come on, Morris. Come on, buddy.

- So, Viv's teacher is obviously running late,

but Felix's interview is about to start.

- Well, I should take the Viv interview, right,

because I've been helping her with her school work?

- Hmm, yeah, but there's usually some kind of behavioural talk

and I've been working with her on regulating her emotions,

so... - Oh.

(Astrid): There's a lot of ego involved with raising kids.

(James): You take credit for all their successes and failures.

So, as you lead them through life's complicated maze,

you wanna be the one choosing a path.

(Astrid): But if your partner chooses a different path, it gets tricky.

So, you need a very mature way to resolve your differences.

(laughing)

- You gonna be okay, James? Tough loss. Yeah.

- I thought about it and I'm gonna be fine

because Felix is always showered with praise,

which I will gladly accept. - Okay, well in that case,

he gets his math brain from me.

- I was close to you and now I'm far so...

- Any math praise is mine, James.

You know.

(theme music)

- Is Mrs. Berney joining us? - No, I'll be handling this.

The Felix stuff kinda goes through me, so.

- So, you received my email about taking some extra time today?

- Yeah-huh. I did. And I, I forget though, what was the extra time um...

- Because Felix defaced school property.

- Felix did? No.

I don't, I don't think he did.

- He admitted to it, Mr. Berney.

Some of the staff believe that this is supposed to be me.

- Oh, it is. I knew right away.

I taught him this shading technique and...

It's a... the important thing is that this is wrong.

- Yeah. Sometimes, when a child acts out,

it's because there's been changes at home.

I understand Felix's mother used to be at home part-time

but is now at work full-time?

- That's true, but now I'm at home full-time.

- Is she gonna be able to speak to Felix about this?

- I can talk to Felix.

- Okay.

You should know we have a three strike rule.

If he has two more strikes, he will not be allowed to attend the upcoming field trip.

- There will not be another strike.

He's gonna be batting a thousand from now on.

Which is baseball.

It's impossible in baseball terms,

but not in behaviour ball.

(sighing)

(tense music)

- So, how's Viv? - Hmm?

- How's Viv? - Oh, sorry.

There's just not enough hours in the day.

- My God, you guys are heroes.

I don't know how you're expected to do the work

that you do. It's amazing.

- Yeah, I mean, that doesn't really leave me

a lot of time to deal with my personal life,

which is why I'm doing it now.

God, my roommate's an idiot.

(message bloops)

- Great, so anyway, um,

are any of Viv's ADHD management strategies

helping her keep up with class?

- Yeah, yeah, she's doing great.

Uh, I have some work of hers to show you.

- Oh, okay. - Um, somewhere.

Just uh...

(Astrid's phone buzzes)

- The bathroom in public, not on my watch.

Cut the crap! - Ah!

- Oh, my God! (Ms. Wu): Oh, my God.

- Don't film that!

- Sorry, I was just distracted--

- Oh, my God, you're an idiot. We already talked about this.

I live with an idiot.

- Hey, how'd it go in there?

- Uh, Leonard threw poop at a woman.

- That makes sense. And our daughter?

(sighs) - Huh?

Uh... - Vivian. How's the Viv doing?

- Oh, good. Sorry, yes, a great problem solver.

Just like me. How's Felix?

- Felix is in trouble for defacing school property.

- What?

Oh, my God, he really captured Dongall's lack of personality.

- I know, right? I think it's some of his best work.

- It's really good. - So, he just needs to do it

at home and, you know, on paper.

- Yes, he's our little Banksy. - Hmm.

- Okay, I'll talk to him and--

- Or I could talk to him 'cause I am also his parent.

- Yeah, I've seen the birth certificates.

You okay, James?

- Just that Mr. Dongall said that Felix's behaviour

is probably because you went back to work.

Like I'm some goblin dad encouraging mischief.

- What? You're not a goblin dad, James.

He's a goblin jerk! - Thank you!

So, here's what we do. I'll talk to Felix

and then we can both donk on his Dongle head

about what great parents we are. - Thank you.

Heck yeah, we're good parents!

Heck yeah, we are! - Okay.

- Where are our kids? - I don't know.

You go that way.

- All right, see ya. - See ya later.

(James): Hey, there ya are. Lookin' for ya.

Listen, mister, you and I need to have a little bit of a chat.

(exhales)

- Is this about the drawing thing?

I'm sorry. I was messing around

with some friends and it just happened.

It's my fault and I won't do it again.

I'll just draw at home.

- Yeah, don't do it again.

And if you're gonna draw, draw at home.

- Yep, I just said that, but...

- Good. Good, good, good, good.

You shouldn't have done that.

- I said that, too. - Yep, all right.

You know, going forward,

I'm gonna start paying a little bit more attention to you.

All right?

- Sure. I get that. Thanks, Dad.

- All right.

(Leonard): I don't know, Astrid, these ones are hemmed way too short,

and these ones make my ass look huge,

which is the only thing I like about them, actually.

- Leonard, can we just please be serious?

The poo throwing incident caused a major dip in the polls.

- It was a brownie, and she should've watched where she was going.

- The video made it look like

you hit a woman in the head with a bag of poo.

Look, I'm gonna write you a great apology.

It's gonna, it's gonna show

that you can admit when you're wrong.

It'll play great with your younger voters.

- But I'm the "cut the crap" guy, not the feelings guy.

- Leonard, people vote with their feelings.

And right now, "Poop Bully" is trending locally.

- Fine.

But then I'm gonna write it because people like

a nice, masculine apology. If they were offended.

- Leonard, I really, really think that I should write it.

- So, Astrid knows much better than Leonard, huh?

Okay, you write it, but make it nice and short, okay?

You know what?

I'm going with the big butt pants.

'Cause I'm a big butt boy.

(James): Yeah, I'm just picking up Ennis for lunch.

(Ennis): Hey, you're early.

- Hey, there he is. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi, yeah, hi.

(Zinnia): Yum, what is that smell?

- I'm sorry to hear about Felix's school troubles.

Astrid and I were brainstorming solutions earlier.

- What do you mean? I handled it.

- So, how did you handle it?

- We came to an understanding. - Well, that's not enough.

Schools give up on the troublemakers

and focus on the more productive students.

You need to take action, James.

- I had a different take. - You weighed in on this?

- Troublemakers are just disruptors with bad PR.

I mean, rule breakers rule the world.

I got in so much trouble as a kid for stealing other kids' lunches,

and I think I turned out pretty good.

- I thought that Felix should just stay quiet

because even if the teacher forgets you're in the class,

you can still get a B minus by default, and that's pretty good.

- Thank you! It's my kid though, so I've got it under control.

I've handled it. He knows it's wrong. He's not gonna do it again.

- But why did he do it, James?

Kids, and employees, often act out when something deeper is bothering them.

But unlike employees, you can't just wait a month

and fire a kid for a clause you buried in their contract.

- I'm gonna know when something's wrong

because I told him I was gonna watch him like a hawk.

That's the exact words I used. (clicks tongue)

- Are you... watching him like a hawk?

(curious music)

- How was your day? Was it good?

- Is today the pancake thing?

- I don't know, wonder girl, I wasn't the one who was here.

- Okay. We're all set. - Wait, why aren't we leaving?

- Felix, I want you to apologize to Mr. Dongall about the picture.

- Oh, oh, okay, sure.

- Mr. Dongall, Felix has something he would like to say to you.

- Sorry for the drawing. - Hmm.

- I appreciate that, Felix.

And just to clear up any confusion,

was that a drawing of me? - Yep.

(sighs)

- Well... - You know what?

I was thinking that maybe

I'd volunteer for that field trip.

Keep an eye on things. - Sure.

Nobody ever volunteers,

so we're pretty much desperate for anyone.

- Dad, no! Why are you coming?

- Well, we're all very worried about this behaviour and uh,

also happen to be very interested in the uh...

- Fort York.

We're gonna walk around the fort for a couple of hours,

listen to some lectures, and then partake in fort cuisine.

- Can't wait.

usic)

- Felix, what's on your arm?

You'd better wash this off before school

so they know that you learned your lesson.

And like you bathe. - I can have a shower without washing it off.

- I just learned that for Felix,

washing and showering are two different things.

- Yeah, I've seen him after a shower with dry hair.

Is he just like, standing near water?

- Why was he so defensive

about going all Keith Haring on his arm?

- Hmm. - Something's up.

Should I go talk to him? - No, I'm on it.

I'm gonna go on a field trip. I'm gonna observe.

See if there's bad influences.

- Is that why you're looking up Fort York?

- Ooh, did you know that Fort York defended

the Toronto Harbour in the War of 1812 against the American army?

- Our dinky little colony fought off the American military?

- Nope. Destroyed in a single day.

- Well, I'm trying to prevent Leonard from destroying

his whole campaign in one day. - Hmm.

- Does this sound like him? - Okay.

- "It is with deep regret..." - No, it does not.

- Perfect. (phone pings)

- Oy.

Gulp.

- So, I got here as soon as you got my text.

- Not true. That was over 90 minutes ago.

- Yeah, that's right. I couldn't find my car keys.

And then I got distracted by this movie I was watching.

- How can I quickly help you?

- Did you use that advice that I gave you for Felix?

- Oh, absolutely not. Never would I ever.

- Oh, thank God, okay, 'cause I know that I said

that troublemakers become captains of industry,

but I looked up some of the troublemakers I went to school with,

and uh, they are not doing well.

- That is actually very sweet of you, Ennis.

Thank you. But I have it all under control, okay?

I'm on top of it. - Okay, good.

(phone pings) I was so worried I could

barely finish "Cloverfield."

- Astrid said she just found something crazy.

- Is it like a giant creature's footprint?

- Whoa, what's going on? - Hey, look at this.

Look at the eyes. The eyes in both drawings are exactly the same.

- Yeah, 'cause he drew both drawings.

- Hi, Astrid, I'm here to help.

Are there kids behind every one of these doors?

- This drawing was on his right arm. Felix is right-handed.

He couldn't have done the drawing. Hi, Ennis.

- Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

Look at this. Well, what if it was like this, though?

What if you go back? Is it on the forearm?

No, it's impossible. Couldn't have done it.

- If he didn't do the arm drawing,

he didn't do the desk drawing. - Ooh.

- Feels like an episode of "Law and Order".

You are fantastic at this. Single-handedly saved your son.

(exhales)

Hey, have you seen "Cloverfield?"

(curious music)

- This is what I really look like.

- We need to talk.

- Okay, I can't really do a ton of talking with this thing on.

- Why don't you trust me to handle something when I tell you that I will?

- James, I do, I just, I thought about it

and the drawing didn't make sense, so I checked.

- Thinking about something and then checking it is secretly handling it.

- James, I did, it's not... (sighs)

I'm at a real disadvantage with this thing on.

- It's just like you don't trust me, you know?

Like, I've got solutions, too. - I know. And I do.

I just, you know, I was the at-home parent for years,

so I'm just used to handling this stuff.

- I hear that, I totally understand that, but we made a plan, right?

And then you just went and did your own thing.

You went behind my back. - Yeah, I did.

God, I'm treating you like the goblin dad now.

- I'm not a goblin dad. - I know you're not.

- I'm not a goblin dad. - You know it and I know it.

(sighs)

I wanna work on not stepping on your toes.

- Thank you.

So, we know that he didn't do the drawing,

but we don't know why he admitted to it. So, tomorrow,

I'm gonna find that out right after I throw these drawings

into the teacher's ding-dong face.

- Sure. But just remember, this is about helping Felix

and not about being right. Right?

- Mm-hmm.

(school bell rings)

(old-timey Western music)

(Astrid): You spend a lot of energy and time looking out for your kids.

(James): Head injuries, sun damage, germs,

beating traffic, social media. You're on the defensive a lot.

(Astrid): But sometimes the only way to defend your kids is to attack.

- Mr. Dongall, I presume you got my email?

- No, I, I didn't receive anything.

And I just checked.

- Oh, maybe I forgot to press send.

Doesn't matter. Here we go. I've got actual proof.

Hold, you hold, you hold right there.

You see?

Felix couldn't have drawn this on his own arm.

- Wait! - Secondly,

the style of this tattoo exactly matches

the style of the drawing on the desk.

Therefore, whoever drew on Felix's arm

is the same person who drew on the desk.

(Felix): Dad, wait! - In conclusion,

Felix could not... (Felix): No, Dad, Dad!

- ...have defaced school property.

- You're right.

This looks like Maya's drawings.

(Felix): Oh no.

(both): It's the eyes.

- Maya? (Maya): Yes, Mr. Dongall?

- Maya, Mr. Berney and I have deduced

that it was your drawing on the desk, not Felix's.

I'm sorry, Maya, but that is strike three!

You are not going on the field trip.

You are going to stay behind in detention.

- Can I please go? - Rules have consequences.

Thank you, Mr. Berney. - No, no, don't, don't, don't.

He didn't mean to-- - Dad!

I didn't even want you to come on the trip.

- Uh...

This was all your mother's idea!

- You just come stand right here.

We'll be with you in just a moment.

- This feels like a lot of fuss.

- Well, we care about you, Sarah, and maybe that's a silver lining in uh...

- Getting hit in the head with stinky filth?

- Yeah, not that it excuses anything, but it was a brownie.

- We put a brownie in the poop bag.

- I don't understand your euphemisms.

But I did pray for Leonard Flynn.

- Dope. I'm more of a manifestation guy myself.

It's worked out so far. Look at how I grew my long hair.

- Jean-Luc, let's go over there. - Yeah, okay.

(indistinct chatter)

- Check. (feedback screeches)

(groaning)

(sighs)

To my constituents, they say that a man's strength

can't be measured by his many wins,

but rather how he handles his controversies.

(woman): Okay, good start.

- So, let me be the first to say that I am sorry

for flinging feces

at one of our town's finest women.

I would like to offer an apology to you, Miss Sarah Smith.

How devastating it must be to see a brown bag coming towards your head.

- Keep it short.

- Oh. (crowd exclaiming)

- Leonard. No, no, no, no.

- Okay.

- Stop, stop, stop, Leonard, stop.

(man): Yikes.

(Astrid): Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no.

(Leonard): See, I'm not so scary, am I?

- Jean-Luc! Stop! - Oh.

single file now.l right,

- Hey, hey, hey, come here, come here.

So, I was just trying to clear your name, right? I was helping.

- No, I was helping and you ruined it.

- So, you lied just to keep Maya out of trouble?

- Her first two strikes were totally unfair,

and now I have to go on this field trip

without anybody to sit on the bus with.

- And you wanted to hang out with her?

- Mr. Berney, the children are boarding the bus.

We'd better hurry. - Yeah, ahem, listen, Dongall,

I was thinking, and I'm very disappointed in this young man.

I think he should stay back from the trip.

He's not going.

- But to deny your son a chance to see a fort?

- As his father, I forbid him from learning about any forts!

He's gonna stay back here with Maya.

- All right.

I respect your right to handle this situation as you see fit.

- It's what a good parent does, Dongall.

Now, I guess I'll be going home.

- Oh, we still need you as a chaperone.

You volunteered. - Huh? No, no. What?

No, Felix is staying here. I don't know those kids.

- And we need your incredible disciplinary skills.

This class is a nightmare on the bus.

Confiscate any banana you see.

- Dongall.

Dongall.

(sighs)

- We have to find some way to spin it.

- Spin it?

You made me manhandle a woman in front of the cameras.

You know, people who like apologies didn't like it.

My base hated it. My wife really hated it.

- It could have gone better. - It was a disaster.

That's why I, A, write my own apologies, and B, don't apologize.

- Okay, well, Leonard, just for future reference,

you should know that it's best never to touch,

let alone pat, the head of people we say sorry to.

- What timely advice.

Maybe you should be apologizing to me.

- Okay, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, Leonard.

I understand if you don't want to work with me anymore.

- Hey, so good news is that all press is good press.

Bad news is that this press is bad press.

Leonard's approval ratings plummeted.

- Astrid...

...handle it.

- Copy that.

Okay, get on the phone. - Got it.

(Astrid): Parenting is a humbling journey with a lot of missteps.

(James): So many missteps that you start planning

for missteps that are very unlikely.

(Astrid): Is that why you bought iodine tablets?

(James): Yes! (Astrid): It's so humbling

you can start to doubt your decisions.

(James): But if you're lucky, you have a partner

who shares the burden of parenting.

(Astrid): A partner who also doubts their decisions.

(sighs)

(Viv): Felix, stop putting stickers on my door!

(Felix): Well, you shouldn't ask me to do it!

- Should we do something about that?

- Let's see how this one plays out.

(glasses clink)

(Viv and Felix grumble)

(Felix): You're so confusing!

Stick his-- - Oh, in the cannon, yeah.

I saw two that had guilty looks so they,

so the whole crew in on the whole deal.

- This job tends-- - I know.

- I'm... I'm 37. - Dongall.

- Yeah.

It was, it was exceptionally bad today, I have to say.

- That's every day for you? - Fort days

or when we go on trips, that's when it's like, they're infested with--

- The ghosts of 1812. - Yeah.

That child, Ephraim, that you were shouting at.

- Yeah. - It illustrated

to the other children your anger.

- It's good to put that out there

every once in a while...

- I'm just going to come out and say this.

You wanna go for a drink?

(clicks tongue) - Oh!

- You must need a drink. I, I, and let me say,

this is not something I do all the time.

- I have a thing. I'm not sure when you said it was,

but I think, I will check my calendar.

- Check it right now. - Felix!

- I can read your face. I am...

- No, my face is.

- ...an expert at micro expressions.

- You can't see anything. My face is...

I'm still haunted by the cannon situation

with the, and the, and the... and he tried to...

(rhythmic music)

Subtitling: difuze