Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: And now DreamWorks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL RINGING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Oh, Skipper, salt, please.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

-Here you go, Bra.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

-Thank you, Skipper.

So Kowalski, have you discovered any science things?

-Kowalski?

-Hm?

-Science-- any new discoveries?

-Oh, um-- well, yes.

I've been experimenting with transdimensional--

[TOILET FLUSHING]

- --trans dimen--

[TOILET FLUSHING]

- --tran-- oh, come on!

Enough already!

-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But you can't rush smoked salmon puffs.

They burn if you so much as look at them the wrong way.

-The food isn't the problem, Roger.

[PIPES RATTLING]

-That is the problem.

We're eating in a stinking sewer.

-I know, I know.

Oh, flush does not a great dinner party make, right?

So I'll put on some show tunes.

Yeah, yeah-- something bold and brassy,

a real eleven o'clock number.

-Reptile, the sounds of the sewer

are the least of our problems.

-Oh.

I'm sorry, guys.

I've lived down here so long I barely notice the smell.

-Really?

How do you get used to--

-You can't.

You can't get used to that.

What are you, insane?

I hate my home.

-So why not leave?

-Many of your kind live quite comfortably

in the south Florida area known as Gator Alley.

Oh, I just got that.

Aligator-- gator.

-Yeah, we get it, Kowalski.

Operation See You Later, Gator is a go.

We'll need a large crate, 10 million Deutsche marks,

and a C-17 cargo jet on the runway in 15 minutes.

-I might need 30 minutes on the jet.

-That could jeopardise the whole mission.

-Whoa.

Guys, I'm not moving.

Times Square, the Met, Broadway.

I mean come on-- Broadway.

You can't as me to give up on my dream

of singing on the Great White Way.

No, I would rather live in the worst sewer in the Big Apple

than in the best swamp in all of Florida.

-I hear you, brother.

It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

-Uh, OK.

-So I'll just stay put, down here in this sewer,

on the banks of his raging river of filth.

-Oh, dear.

You can always move to the zoo, Roger.

-I could?

-Negatory.

Our zoo overloads may be somewhat slow on the uptake--

-But even they would notice the sudden appearance

of an 800-pound alligator.

-Despair not, Roger.

Compared to our usual high stakes tango.

Your little problem is but a petty pirouette.

-Oh, OK.

Which means what?

I don't know.

-We'll find you a new home right here

in the city that never sleeps.

-Fresh air, sunshine, and a pond to replicate

your native marshy environment.

-Sold, done.

And we pirouette.

-What do you think, Roger?

-It's, uh, it's nice.

It's nice.

I've got one question-- why the log?

I-- it's not very, um, uh, what's

the word, uh-- comfortable.

-Well, with the park's predominately human population,

you'll need camouflage.

-Just hold still when people are around,

otherwise they're likely to--

[SCREAM]

-Alligator.

Get the police.

Help!

-No, no.

I'm not gonna--

-Help!

-And finally, from the whackadoo file,

Esther A. Paxon of Paramus claims

to have seen an actual alligator in Central Park.

But when animal control investigated,

all they found was this log.

-Sounds like they were barking up the wrong tree, Chuck.

-You're out on a limb there, Bonnie.

-OK, I grant you there were issues

with our previous home proposal.

-But this one's brilliant.

-Are you really positive they're not going to find me here?

-Not if you hold still this time.

-From 10 AM 5:45 PM Monday through Friday,

8 PM on weekends.

-Uh-oh, Skipper, the museum's open.

-Duck and cover, men.

And Roger, hold still.

-Who wants to see some dead things?

-Gator, cool.

-What, that?

It's totally fake looking.

-Check out his dumb rubber nose.

-Ow!

Why would you do that?

[SCREAMS]

-Fear gripped the Museum of Natural History

today as witnesses claim they were

attacked by the alligator exhibit.

-We was just standing there, you know, not doing nothing wrong,

and then the alligator comes alive and tried to eat

my cousin, Vic.

-Curiously, museum officials say there is no alligator exhibit.

-Hm, curious, indeed, Chuck.

-OK, the pond and the museum scenario

separate from unplanned variables-- lessons learned.

But this

-One's a winner.

-All right, let me get-- I'm supposed to be what now?

-A gargoyle-- stone carved into a mythological creature

that wards off evil spirits.

-The thing is, guys, um, I'm not really good with heights.

-Well, gee, Roger, what are you real good with?

Not camouflage, not holding still.

We're running out of options here.

-Just don't look down.

You'll be fine.

-Don't look down.

Don't look down.

Don't look--

-Roger!

[SPLASH]

-Ooh, lucky for him there was a swimming pool down there.

-A rather public pool.

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

TV ANNOUNCER: This is "Gator Watch," New York's number

one in alligator attack updates.

-Breaking now-- Manhattan's most wanted reptile

has literally dropped into midtown.

-Animal control has placed the gator threat level at severe.

-Citizens are warned to not approach

any prehistoric killing machines they may

encounter between 82nd and Canal Street.

-Stay with us for team predator coverage

and Gil Force with Gator Watch weather.

[HELICOPTER]

-I'm a fugitive.

I'm a fugitive from justice.

-Don't panic.

We just need to find a safe house

and lay low until Danny Dog Catcher loses our scent.

Ah, this should do it.

Kowalski, can you crack the lock?

-A simple pin tumbler?

Well, while you're lobbing soft balls,

why not ask if I can design a self replicating

nanobot-- which I can, obviously.

OK, slow and steady.

[HELICOPTER]

[SCREAM]

-They're onto us!

Am I--?

[PIANO PLAYING]

- --on Broadway?

I was born for this moment.

(SINGING) When I was very young I

felt that I was sure to be more than a handbag, pair of shoes,

or belt-- a nice belt, but still.

And now that it's years later, people say--

-It's an alligator!

[SCREAMS]

-What, too pitchy?

Please don't lock me up.

I didn't have time to rehearse.

-The got Roger.

-Next stop, the Grey Bar Hotel.

-They're taking him to a hotel?

Oh, that will be a lovely home.

Perhaps he'll find a mint on his pillow.

-We're cancelling Roger's reservation.

Rico, grappling gun.

Follow my lead, boys.

All right, we're back in this thing.

All we need to do--

(IN UNISON) Aargh.

Aargh.

[SCREAM]

-Men, commandeer this vehicle.

-Penguins?

-Kowalski, wheel man.

Rico, gas.

Private, music.

-Smooth jazz or hot adult contemporary?

-Let's classic rock this chase.

-And away we go.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAM]

-Look out!

Look out!

-Not to worry, citizen, we'll return

your vehicle in factory condition.

-Oopsie.

-Well, near factory condition.

-Left.

Right.

Left.

Lotta left.

Whole lotta left.

[HORN HONKING]

[CRASH]

-Rico, more gas.

[BELCH]

You know what I need, soldier.

-Skipper, can I do a pedal?

-Sorry, Private.

We won't be needing brakes today.

Well, this is our stop.

[HORN HONKING]

[SCREAM]

-Fast and furious, boys.

Rico, blow torch.

-Guys, you came to rescue me.

-Roger that, Roger.

We're getting you a real home, not

some dark, stinking hole of woe, despair.

-Um, Skipper, I think we've arrived at the dark,

stinking hole of woe and despair and--

-And it's our hole.

-We got the gator in the back.

-Bring him in.

We've got a nice cosy habitat all set up for him.

Oh, well that simplifies things.

-And so Gator Watch comes to an end

as the happy reptile finds a new home at the Central Park Zoo.

All's well that ends well, eh, Bonnie?

-Right you are, Chuck.

Coming up, a Manhattan motorist swears his car was commandeered

by-- and I'm not making this up-- penguins.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BEEPING]

-Hey!

[BEEPING]

-Oy, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Get out of me personals.

-Oooooooh.

It make butter in my tummy.

-Hey.

[BEEPING]

-Whoa.

[BEEPING]

[ALARM SOUNDING]

-Guys, outside there's all these men in the matching suits

and they have wands that are all like, bleep, bloop,

bloop, beep, bleep, bloop beep.

And-- OK, how am I the paranoid one here?

-Relax, Marlene.

Have some morning nosh.

-What?

Hey, I don't-- oh, aw.

-What you are seeing is the vanguard

of democracy in action.

-No, I'm seeing men in suits with-- with wands

and-- blooping.

-Today is the grand opening of our newest upcharge

attraction-- the Central Park Children's Zoo.

With the ribbon cutting ceremony by Fergus McSlade,

New York's parks commissioner and the hero

that gave us zoo regulation 742-M.

-Mm, a fresh fish for penguins initiative.

-Bless that man.

-Uh-huh.

-Now if you've seen men in suits, that must mean

the commissioner's team is making

its final security sweep.

-How exciting.

Can we go watch?

-Negative, Private.

Commission Oriole Security is a high stakes game.

They don't need four extra players.

-Yeah, well never mind.

They're leaving anyway.

-What?

-Hey.

-Leaving?

They couldn't be done already.

What kind of slapdash security sweep is this?

-I dunno.

Looks pretty safe to me.

-Looks, Marlene-- looks.

It's not the threats you see with your eyes,

it's the ones you can feel deep in your gut.

-Mm-hm.

-Where's the reflecting mirror for satellite-based lasers,

the titanium ground net for tunnelling mole robots,

the comprehensive antidote kit that counteracts any mind

control gas sprayed by a villainous madman

with a super blimp?

-A super blimp-- really?

-Go ahead and scoff.

Super blimp mad men live to smack down scoffers.

This is Commissioner McSlade we're talking about.

If those kindergarten cracker jacks can't protect him,

then we will.

-Check one.

-Check two.

-Ow.

-What is a children's zoo?

A zoo for children, yes, but more than that--

-I want the total threat neutralisation in five.

If you notice anything funny, take it very seriously.

-Trip hazard in Delta Sector.

-I'm going in.

-Sheep and donkeys, goats and odd little horses side by side.

There's a lesson in that for all of us.

-Nut-shaped grenade.

-What, no outside food?

-Uh, apparently it's just a nut-shaped nut.

-I've got something.

-What is it?

Missile, chopper?

-Super blimp?

Come on, super blimp.

[GIBBERISH]

-Oh, never mind.

It's only a pigeon.

(IN UNISON) Oh.

-Give me those.

That smile.

Sweet sky gravy.

That bird's going to drop one on the commissioner's suit.

-Drop what?

-Yo, Alice, pigeons really did a number on these statues.

It's like a stinkaroney salad up here.

Pee-ew.

-But Skipper, why would the commissioner

be targeted by pigeons?

-Now there's an animal I have no use

for-- filthy disease mongers.

But thanks to Parks Regulation 758-3, my anti pigeon

initiative, we are actively chasing the little beggars

out of our parks and public spaces.

-Hey, Mr. Commissioner, I'ma show you some of my initiative.

-Rico.

-Say what?

(IN UNISON) Whoa.

-Skipper.

-How did you know that bird had a beef with the commissioner?

I've seen that look before, right

before our last commissioner took a plop to the left lapel.

[GASPS]

-Got him right where a pretty flower would go.

[LAUGHING]

-It's just a suit, isn't it?

-There were blueberries, Private-- blue berries.

It was a beautiful day-- sunny and clear.

The pigeon came in low and slow from due east.

I don't know why I didn't jump in and take it for him.

That day I swore I'd never see another public official

blueberried-- not on my watch.

-Gee, that's too bad because before that ribbon's cut,

this commissioner's going to be wearing

some doody on the suity.

[LAUGHTER]

-Grab him.

-Skipper, what do we do now?

-You heard the pigeon, Private.

He swore to do his dirty deed before the commissioner

cuts that ribbon.

The clock is ticking.

-So were the dramatic pauses really necessary then?

-Yes.

[LAUGHTER]

-Blast.

He's flying circles around us.

-Kowalski, options.

-Well, I could pull this branch.

-Stick.

Your option is a stick.

-I pulled the wrong one, all right?

I've upgraded the standard jet pack

with a full weapons array and auxiliary turbos.

It's all untested but I'm 51.7% certain

it won't erupt in a gaseous fireball

the size of a dwarf sun.

-That's slightly over half.

-Well, those are odds we can most likely live with.

Prelaunch waggle.

-Hey, penguins, I guess I got the drop on you.

[LAUGHTER]

There are many words that rhyme with zoo.

New--

[VOLLEYS BEING FIRED]

-Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Yo, I'm trying to fly here.

-He's trying to lose me in the sycamore.

Converge.

-Don't worry, Skipper.

He can't get away from all of us.

-Fan out, boys.

Check every face.

-They're identical, Skipper.

What are we looking for?

-The look of pure suit-staining evil.

-I've got news for you, pal.

We all want to see the commissioner

get what's coming to him.

-And so without further ado-- also

rhymes with zoo-- Better push back

my 3:00 PM merry-go-round dedication.

Hansel and Gretel special on my mark.

Execute.

-Skipper, look.

-Blueberries.

-It's him.

-Empty.

Kowalski, fire the turbos.

-The turbos?

But they're highly unstable.

I-- It's too dangerous.

-That was an order, soldier.

Now pop this soda.

-Here comes the payback from my way back.

[FART]

-Skipper, the package is dropped.

--[INAUDIBLE] the commissioner's suit.

-Noooooo.

[SPLAT]

(IN UNISON) Blech.

-Fireworks-- I like it.

Good for the old Parks Commission spirit.

Rah-rah.

-Whatever, weirdo.

-Sir, your merry-go-round dedication.

-No, wait.

I can' make another one.

Just-- j-- just give me a sec, all right?

Oh, come on.

-Skipper, talk to me.

-Oh.

-I've seen worse.

-That's true.

I'm sure a good scrubbing with soap and sandpaper--

-Wha?

-Skipper, what?

How did?

-Standard issue pigeon proof vest.

Like I said, never again.

-Woo-hoo.

-Woo.

-And so let us bid farewell to the bravest article of clothing

I've ever known.

[SNIFFLING]

-Well done, suit.

-Wha-- you hear that?

No, no, no!

[SPLAT]

-Oh, man.

Any of you guys know how to get blueberries out of feathers?

-Now that's what I call pooetic justice.

[LAUGHING]

-See what I did?

I played with the words.

-Yes, we're all enjoying your toilet humour, Private.

Real classy.

-Oh, right.

Poo.

Tee-hee.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]