Original subtitles

Hmm, what are you listening to?

What?! - Shh, shh, shh,

hold this, hold this.

Kids, sleeping.

What are you listening to? - Why?

What? What do you mean why?

'Cause I think we're supposed to be listening

to the same thing. - I know but I-I don't want

you to make fun of me.

I won't make fun of you.

No!

Oh. Hoobastank.

You're a stank. What are you listening to?

That's some underground hip-hop that Ennis

turned me on to. - "Fields of Gold" by Sting.

Interesting, yeah. Um, we should open another bottle.

- Oh, what? - The other bottle's

a screw top. It's basically already open.

We're gonna be a little hungover if we have that guy.

So what? We have nothing to do tomorrow.

Hmm, yeah, except for... excuse me, raise three kids.

- On a Saturday. - Hmm.

I mean, can't they just raise themselves for one day,

once in their life? - Screens can raise them.

- Woo! - It's got a screw top.

I'm just gonna unscrew it. That's what's happening. Wha!

How much indoctrinating could possibly be done

in one silly, little day on the internet?

To terrible ideas.

We got tons of 'em.

Felix, you said we could play screaming horses!

Yeah, and I said that you can't scream loud enough!

Yes, I can!

Ow! Oof,

do we have to have these lights on?

- The lights are off, James.

What you're complaining about is the sun.

Ah, sun, we get it, you're bright!

Don't lay it on so thick.

Before kids.

And before your late 30s.

Hangovers were like a mild flu.

But as you get older,

hangovers become more intense

and long-lasting and... sucky.

Throw a few kids into the mix.

And you'll never wanna drink again for a few weeks.

Uh... - Who did this?

Did we do this? - No.

This looks like a crime scene for bread.

Why is there a chicken defrosting in the sink?

- Oh, my God, James, it's 9:15!

- Huh? - The kids have been up

for more than two hours. - They did this.

- Why are you eating that? - I don't know, I'm just sad.

You're awake! What took so long?

Soft, indoor voices, please.

Oh, guys, who wants to explain what happened here?

We tried to make pancakes but it didn't work.

- Where's Morris?

He's in his pillow fort.

We gave him a whole carrot and he loved it.

- Okay. - Have you seen my hammer?

You said we could play screaming horses!

Well, you don't scream loud enough!

- Yes, I do! - James, James, James.

Okay, guys, here's the thing. Ooh, special announcement,

today is internet day. Ah, yes!

That means that the internet fairy

wants you to have as much entertainment as you want.

Hooray. - For as long as you want.

There is no internet.

You think we wouldn't know how to look up

a recipe for pancakes?

What?

Oh, my God, he's right, the internet's down.

Let me Google what to do. Oh, no!

How's the jiggling going?

It's emasculating. Somewhat demeaning.

- Right, but is it working? - No.

Hi, yeah, the-the jiggling's not working.

We've also tried waggling, wiggling, and jangling.

Surely there's something more technical at play?

Yeah, okay, fine.

He gonna wiggle it from his end?

No, they think the entire system might be down.

They're gonna send someone over but it could be hours.

Years, even.

Why did we cancel basic cable?

It was a financial decision.

Yeah, but we're paying for nine streaming services.

I don't wanna fight, James, I just wanna die.

Can't we just die a little? - We-we survived hangovers

long before the internet. - We didn't have kids back then.

Yes, but the reason you have multiple kids

is so they all play with each other.

One horse is being mean!

Then go away!

- Grrr! - Quick, let's have another one.

Okay, Mommy, pretend your doll smacks Daddy's doll.

And Daddy, pretend that hurt.

Ow.

Now, Mommy,

pretend you are going to sing him a song

to say sorry. - Viv, this is not pretend,

this is you just telling us what to do.

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.

I'm gonna pretend my doll just jumps over here.

- Okay. - Okay, baby,

we've been playing pretend for so long

and it's been so fun, maybe it's time to have

a little lunch, right? Have a little lunch?

- 9:45 AM, James. - Oh, my God,

time is so stupid. Are we in a simulation?

Viv, how about you grab your brother and go play outside

like it's, well, I don't know, 1998.

Daddy and I need to lie down forever.

I feel like I should be here for that.

- Bye, bye, love you. - Bye, Viv.

Love you, bye, bye. Love you, bye, bye.

- What's that smell?

It's the chicken. We gotta, I gotta clean

the kitchen. I'll clean the kitchen.

Ugh.

Oh, that looks like a nice time.

Yeah, you want in on this?

Oh, thank you, lovely wife.

Okay, um, we need a plan.

Yep. The... uh...

No, James, you do not get to malfunction first. Not today.

- Plergh. - Sleep, we need sleep.

Yeah. Maybe Do and Bawn can take the kids for a bit

or uh, who's that lady, your mom.

No, Do and Bawn are getting their sacrums massaged.

Can't those people do anything themselves?

Um, my mom's at an improv workshop all weekend.

What about Taylor?

He's busy up north flipping houses still.

You know, maybe getting into business with him

might have been a good idea.

- I think I got all the regrets

I can handle now, thank you.

Our kids have multiplied?

Some of those kids are Rachel's.

Our friends are here.

Yeah, I can see that.

And hear it and feel it in my teeth, weirdly.

- Can they stay? - No, I don't think

that's really something--

Uh, give me a second to just confer with my wife over here.

A play date is technically free babysitting.

So, all we have to do is take care of our precious babelette?

Me and Dynasty wanna play dress up with Morris.

I promise we won't hurt him.

- Sold, sold. Have fun. - Oh, geniuses.

Oh, my god. Oh, what do we do?

What do we do? Oh, get it. Give it, give it to me.

We are geniuses.

We're the smartest and we're the best.

We're brilliant.

No, no, no, what are you doing? - Cancelling out the noise?

No! We can't both cancel the noise

because what if something happens to the kids?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I'll take first shift.

Alright, I'm gonna lie here and pretend like I'm dead.

I get to pretend I'm dead next.

Oh, God! Oh, that's a noise

I wish I would've cancelled. - What the problem is?

Viv won't let me play with her dolls. It's insane.

- Is that true, Viv? - Yes, but only because

I don't want her to. - Viv, that's not very nice.

No, but it's so emotionally honest.

God, I love her.

I'm kinda just alone up there so I'm gonna go home.

Can I borrow this? - What? No!

No! Wait, where is Felix?

He was on his iPad and wouldn't let us play.

You guys stay here. Instead of going home,

you'll eat snacks and watch a movie.

Yay!

You remember our network's still down, right?

Oh, yeah, but there's a box of DVDs in the mudroom.

Okay, let's see what we got.

Sliding Doors,

First Wives Club, Pride and Prejudice, The Order.

Okay, I couldn't find the DVD player.

Boo!

But I did find a laptop that plays DVDs.

Yay! - Uh...

All these DVDs, they're...

We got them before we had kids.

Is that Jersey Shore Season 2 on DVD? Barf.

It's Ennis'. He's pretty sure his legs are in the background

of an episode. - Ooh, uh, double barf.

Oh, every time I think of barf it makes me wanna barf.

Oh, maybe stop saying the word barf.

Just keep looking, please.

Yeah, yeah, okay, what do we got?

That's not a thing.

No. No, shouldn't even see the cover of that.

No, okay. What is this? Pelican Brief?

That's not a... no. - I love pelicans!

Viv, I don't think that's the...

Pelican Brief! Pelican Brief! Pelican Brief!

Make it stop. Make it stop.

It's gotta be 3:00 now, right?

- It's 11:00. - AM or PM?

Who cares, let's just suffer silently. Ugh.

What now?

Ah, Rachel.

Hi, bestie. Quick quesh, are my kids here?

- Yeah, some of them. - Phew! It's always

the last place you look, am I right?

Oh, oh. Hey, Ashley Lynn,

Dynasty, asses here, now! - No, no, no, Rachel,

honestly, they can stay. They're playing so nicely

and so quietly. So quietly.

They're in a takey phase. They're gonna steal from you.

Easy come, easy go.

Um, you know what? The truth is

James and I are both very hungover right now.

- I get it. - Okay.

- On both fronts. - Great.

What are we having for lunch?

What time is it?

It's only 11:00? God, I'm starving.

Something missing from the snack tray.

- Little light on snacks. - We have tuna and garlic.

Oh, what are we even doing? We were so close.

It was quiet, it was dark, we were gonna

ride out this hangover. - I know, but be we can't

kick her out. - I know.

That's why you gotta pretend like you're sick.

James, Rachel's my good friend.

I haven't seen her in weeks.

Hey, don't take this the wrong way but uh,

are you guys serial killers?

Is there even a wrong way to take that? Also, no.

You have no cable and all you have are these nerdy magazines.

I'm gonna see about that tuna.

Yeah, our um, our internet's broken.

Lucky for you, one of my husband's businesses

is installing networks.

When he's not being a pain in the ass.

Ah, a double threat. A doublé. A Michael doublé.

Yeah. He shaved his beard this morning without

telling anyone. The kids hate it.

Cooper doesn't wanna be in the same room as him.

The girls are making fun of him. It's like he changed

his identity so he doesn't have to be a dad.

It makes me wanna scream! - Rachel! Oh, God. Um...

You know what? I don't feel so good.

I-I think I'm coming down with something.

- Oh, no! - Hmm.

- On top of the hangover? - Hmm, mm-hmm.

Oof, I once had a friend who had herpes and migraines.

Just gonna be the cold for me.

Hmm, probably from the vaccine.

Does your heart feel swollen?

No, my heart feels fine. Yeah, totally fine.

Just a general feeling of unwellness, malaise.

Um, I think I gotta go lie down.

James can watch the kids if you just wanna--

Drive you to the clinic?

No. No, no, no, no.

Wouldn't want you to catch what I have, so...

Oof, good point. I should probably get

the kids out of here. Kids!

No! No.

I need...

Me to watch the kids

while James drives you to the clinic.

Yes. Yes, yes, I need...

I need you to watch the kids

while James drives me to the clinic.

I'm not touching you!

As parents, your time to do something

fun for yourselves is very limited.

The only opportunity for some stuff

is when they're not around, which doesn't happen very often.

Or for very long. So, any kid-free time

not spent on fun feels like a waste.

Feel anything?

Ridiculous.

Are you sure you read that right?

Come on, it says...

...getting a sweat on will cure a hangover.

It says right here.

Just wiggle some more. - Okay.

Does this get hotter?

No, it does not.

How did we get here?

Remember when hangovers used to be fun?

Like, gross and uncomfortable but also an excuse

to just lie around and eat crap and-and watch TV all day?

It was the original staycation.

I used to make my spicy chili

just 'cause I thought it cured our hangover.

- Yeah, and we'd rehash

the drama from the night before,

like who fought and who Ennis brought home.

Hmm.

I had so much fun last night.

Me too, my love.

- Oh, it's Rachel. - Hmm.

Rachel, hello? Is everything okay?

Totally. I just wanna make sure Morris is with you.

What?! No, Morris is not with us.

Hmm. Oh, no, never mind!

I found him. Is he allowed to play with knives or eggs?

Hey! Put the--

Hello? Hello?

- Oh. - We should go home.

Yeah.

First we're gonna buy some chili ingredients.

Who is this man and why is he barefoot?

You're asking me as if I have somehow more information than you do.

Guys! Hey! Great to see you!

I shaved my beard. Is that...

oh, Rachel's hubby?

She asked me to fix your network.

Right.

- Okay. - Of course, yes,

Rachel's husband. - Sure.

You. Thank you so much for doing that.

Oh, my God, no. Rachel talks about you guys

so much, we're like family now, I feel like.

- Yes. - You know my big boy, Cooper.

Say hi. - Hi.

I'm going home to get away from your face.

Okay. Cool it with the teen talk, please, Cooper.

Oh, he's a laugh.

Hey, listen. I took the liberty

of hooking you up with some premium channels.

Uh, we don't have cable, though.

Oh, yeah, you do now.

Oh yeah, you got the works. Now-now listen,

you are gonna wanna set up some parental controls on this

because I have given you access to some pretty...

freaky stuff in the channel 400s, so...

Mommy! - Oh, my God! Oh!

- Oof. - We're thirsty.

Yeah, okay. My suggestion is you go have a drink.

Oh, okay.

You girls being good?

It's me, Daddy!

They miss the beard.

I don't know, I think I look younger without it.

Sort of more handsome, you know?

Listen, I appreciate you hooking us up

with all these channels, I just don't wanna get caught.

I-I... don't like getting in trouble.

That's like a childhood trauma thing.

A trauma? That sounds really bad.

Um, I could whip it out, if you want.

You know, show me your cable box and I'll...

Yes, let's do that. Let's go to the cable box.

- Okay. - That'd be great, thank you.

What is this man's name? - I don't remember.

I know it's a name that you don't hear very often

and then you hear it and you're like, yeah, okay.

Ready to go, James!

Great! Follow me m-m-man.

Finally got the baby to take a nap.

I took one, too. So, what are we making?

Spicy chili for my hangover that's handing me my ass, huh.

Say no more. Take a load off.

Don't worry about a thing. I make a killer chili.

- Okay. - Where do you keep your raisins?

- Nope, ugh.

You guys must've really tied one on last night.

- Ugh. - What was the occasion?

Work function? Family get together?

No, just hanging out, dancing.

Hmm, anniversary? One of your birthdays?

Nope. Just... Friday.

That's nice.

- Oh, no. What, what, no. - I'm gonna go now!

Ow!

I... ah, it's okay, sit down.

- No. - What happened?

What happ... ow! Ow! Ow!

It's nothing, it's nothing, it's just like, you

guys have the cutest relationship

and my husband just plays Xbox and shaves his stupid face!

Okay, yeah. Um, I'm-I'm listening.

I'm right here listening. I'm just gonna close my eyes

but I am listening. - I just need

to get out of here. Like, Errol doesn't have

to see me like this. - Errol, right. Errol, Errol.

Okay, I think actually a walk

is a great idea. It'd be good for you, yeah.

Yeah, like I need to be somewhere where I can

scream about my husband without him hearing me!

Ah. Ah, ah, ah.

Are you coming?

Yeah.

Great.

I think it's gonna be really fun.

Court's taken!

It's taken! Ugh!

You know,

I'm sorry if I was a little intense before.

No, you don't have to apologize to me.

I mean, the lady doing Tai Chi seemed a bit rattled, but...

Yeah, but I do feel better.

Serve!

- Mm-hmm. - It's just frustrating.

I don't know what I could do differently.

- Don't be so hard on yourself. - Oh, I'm not.

It's obviously Errol's fault. Such a workaholic.

Okay, so he's-he's career driven.

And a chronic gambler.

The only way that I could get him to give you free cable

was to tell him that you owed me money.

What the...? Enough, enough with the--

Don't!

What the hell?!

We're tennising!

- I know that it's hard to,

you know, find time to just hang out

and there's always consequences to having fun.

Yeah, there really are.

But the suffering's worth it.

I think I'm worth it.

You are worth it.

You know, I kind of feel like having something to drink.

- You want wine? - Does a bear

in the woods?

Alright, let's do this! - Ugh...

Okay, here we go.

- Hi. - Oh, hey, hello.

- Sup? - Yo.

I'm just talkin' to uh, Errol.

Totally right about his name, by the way.

- Right? - I mean, it's not a name

you hear all the time, but when you do hear it...

- Such a good name. - I felt bad that he travelled

all this way and hooked us up with cable and that his kids

didn't recognize him, so... - Beer.

Beer. What's wrong with you? What are you doing that for?

Rachel wanted wine.

Yeah, which honestly, I don't think

is the worst idea in the world.

Hair of the dog that bit you?

Yeah. Though I think I might

just hold it and pretend I'm drinking it.

Yeah, hearing it slosh around that bottle

is kinda making me wanna throw up.

- No bueno. - In general,

I am feeling better. Like, a little bit.

I'm up here now. - Yeah.

- Yep. - 'Cause I am too. I feel good.

Could really use a lie down though. Just a quick little mep-mep.

Oh, my God, could you imagine a lie down?

Okay, we're just gonna have one fake drink

with these momo's, then we're kickin' their butts outta here.

Narcs, narcs.

We stopped the movie because there wasn't any pelicans.

And it sucked.

What should we do?

So, no raisins.

In chili? What, no.

Would you put raisins in your lasagna?

That actually sounds really good.

Yeah! I mean, hey, your house, your rules,

but you guys are missing out! Raisins are da bomb, baby.

How you doin' with beers, you want another one?

- Uh, yeah, definitely. - Yeah? Okay, one second.

Hey, you guys, pick a movie. Anything under channel 400 okay?

After tonight, cable goes bye-bye.

Before kids, hangovers were easier.

Not just because you didn't have ankle-biters screaming

and asking questions. So many questions.

And not just because you were younger and your body

could recover faster. - Enjoy.

Hangovers were easier because you spent them

with your friends, commiserating in your discomfort

while you ate greasy food.

But mostly easier because of the first two things, though, right?

Oh, the being younger and no kids?

Yeah. For sure. But the friends thing.

The friend... the friends thing is a nice sentiment.

Oh yeah, I do love a nice sentiment.

Okay, guys, come in the car!

- Okay, here we come. - Thank you for--

No! Don't get in the car with strangers!

- Okay, that's... that is true. - Okay.

Okay, guys, I got puppies, come in the car!

- Okay, here we come! - Wait, no!

Don't get in the car with strangers!

- Yeah, you're right. - So, I wasn't filled in on the back story.

I just assumed that we were, but okay.

Come on, we're sisters! Oh, we're sisters,

okay, great, now we can get in the car.

No! Don't go in the car with a stranger.

Get out! - I thought it was candid

that we were sisters. - No, she's right.

She is correct. You should never

get into the car with strangers.

Guys, come on, we're gonna go to our trip!

This feels like a trap.