Original subtitles

That's basically what Daddy does.

He puts mangoes in trucks and then, into mouths.

Hello, family. Hi!

Oh, I love you, I love you.

Hello. Tag, you're it!

I'm gonna get you.

Well, somebody had a very good day at work

or a near death experience that changed her life forever.

Well, I was almost sideswiped by a bus.

- Hello. - But no, I had a great

day at work. I got the city

to delay some construction projects.

I got them to issue special permits for a fan zone.

I just generally kicked butt.

Hmm, this is cause for celebration. Maybe with a scoop

of ice cream from that place with all the toppings

that you keep talking about. Um, Scoup De Doup?

Oh, you mean the place that you keep talking about?

- Yeah.

Something better. I was rewarded for my greatness

with a gift certificate to the Jambon d'Eau.

These are my favourite French sounds.

Yes, well, it translates to The Water Ham.

How do you like those English sounds?

- Less, I like it less. - The food's supposed

to be incredible. Wine we can only assume

is great because we can't tell.

And maybe for dessert we have ice cream at Scoup De Doup.

Don't answer now. I'm gonna get a sitter.

When you first become parents, you wanna protect

your precious babies, so you're very choosy

about who can look after them.

But when you're on your third kid, the only thing

precious is time to yourselves. So, to get a night out alone,

you might start to consider more questionable supervision.

Ooh, what are we thinking? Are we thinking Friday?

- Yeah. - Where are we going?

Uh, Daddy and I are going out.

You guys are staying here with Mandy.

Yay! Is she gonna clean your room again?

I'm sorry, she cleans our room?

Just the drawers. She said not to tell you.

It's a surprise.

You do look really surprised.

Or you might not.

Edna, your slip stitch is slipping,

which I know sounds positive, but in this case, it's not.

Halt. Sweatshop inspector.

Gonna need to see your sweatshop licence.

It's hardly a sweatshop. Climate controlled,

luxury furniture, an essential oil diffuser.

This is an excellent work environment.

- Hmm. - Two bathroom breaks

in an hour, Dottie? Hmm, okay.

We gonna talk about your uh, medieval socks?

They help with my circulation

after a particularly intense workout.

Please be talking about the gym.

What do you want, Astrid?

Um, I'm looking for a babysitter.

And now that we're gonna send Corey to Swiss boarding school

you want access to Jeffrey.

- Who's Jeffrey? - Oh, he's the most

sought-after babysitter in the west end.

- Mm-hmm. - Look, he's even got

his own app. - That's it.

The Jeffrey App.

20 out of 10. Mm-hmm.

- "Jeffrey changed my life." - Mm-hmm.

"Our family is closer because of Jeffrey."

- That was me. - "Jeffrey is better

than all of us."

Anyone getting cult leader vibes?

ABC, Dottie. Always Be Crocheting.

Um yeah, sure, I'll meet with him.

- You don't meet with Jeffrey. - Mm-mm.

He meets with you. I doubt he can see you

on such short notice. - Oh...

Oh well. Can you guys babysit on Friday?

- Nope. - No.

But I can put in a good word for you.

I may have to exaggerate.

Thank you so much, Dawn. Come here.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Too much, too much.

Too much, too much! Astrid, too much! Too much!

- How, how-- - It's the off. It's the off.

I don't understand what's happening.

He's booked. So is Ethan. Lindsay says she retired

from babysitting.

She was at the top of her game. Good time to get out.

All we have to do is find one solid,

trustworthy babysitter.

How many kids have you taken care of at summer camp?

Uh 30, yeah. Oh, that's where I picked up my CPR course.

And you have CPR. Wow, that's amazing.

I've had to take extra safety courses, yeah.

On account of all the accidents.

So many freak accidents.

What do you mean it doesn't matter, Ryan?

Oh, so what, I don't matter?

How can you like, basically say that?

We have a two-year-old who goes by Andrew or Morris.

Funny story.

Yeah, I know. I haven't told you the funny part yet.

It's the phone. He's laughing at his own phone.

Excuse me?

Excuse me!

It's not you, it's me, right?

I have heard that so many times!

And stay out!

So, did I get the job?

- Okay.

So, we're never going out again.

- Nope. - Nope.

Next time we eat at a restaurant

it'll be at 5 PM with the rest of the seniors.

Mm.

Don't worry, guys, I can watch the kids.

That's so nice.

The kids.

But the kids are a little challenging.

I think it might be too much responsibility for you.

But you're always saying I have to do more

around the house. I'm even doing my own laundry.

But you did shrink all your clothes.

Fine. It's your funeral.

- Excuse me. - Eh, eh, eh--

We're not dead yet. We just live like we are.

Yeah. We could, for example,

celebrate if we wanted to,

with like, a fully loaded cone from Scoup De Doup.

That is a celebration for you, James.

Yeah.

- Ah...

- Oh, no. - Hello?

I have two words for you.

Rat infestation!

Oh no, what?

Is that because you always have $1,000 worth

of cheese in the house? - Not us.

Our neighbourhood doesn't have pests.

- What does she want? - Attention.

That's my thing.

Jeffrey was booked on Friday

but the family he was supposed to sit for has

a rat infestation. So, he has an opening.

Okay, I'll call him tomorrow morning.

Already contacted him and luckily,

he can squeeze you in at 4:00 tomorrow.

Wear something business piquant.

Yeah, yeah, this looks really good.

You can find my CPR certificate

and a clean police report on the app.

You can also sign up to earn Jeffrey Bucks.

And you are all done, mister. Oh, you like that?

Okay. Okay. Thank you.

You know, most toddlers actually love vegetables.

It's all about the blend.

This recipe is on my app.

So are the diapers. 100% biodegradable.

The tabs are made of seeds, so when he's done,

just pop it in the yard, and in eight weeks,

you'll have an herb garden.

Wow, that's good.

Oh, Jeffrey, this is Felix and Viv.

Hey, nice to meet you.

- We don't need a babysitter. - Felix, don't be rude.

It's okay. I love it when kids speak their minds.

I'm not a kid. My dude.

Shh. - Seriously, you're blowing it.

Just... - May I suggest something?

Sometimes I find it helps

if I spend some time with the kids first,

let us get to know each other better. Huh?

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds, that sounds great.

- Take 'em. - When?

I've got the Kwan triplets at 5:30,

which I can't move because I'm also choreographing

their skating routine. Hmm.

But um, I can squeeze you in right now. And win them over.

Yeah, I mean, you... you already have.

He means... Oh them.

You mean them. Yes, you were talking about the kids.

He's talking about the kids. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A whole hour. What should we do?

I'm a little hot, I'm a little hot,

I'm a little, I'm a little peckish and a little hot.

What's so great about this place?

What? Look at the everything!

I mean, it looks like there's a carnival

on top of that ice cream cone. - Oh!

Uh, what time is it? Felix has my phone.

Yeah. Ugh, our hour's almost up but we're so close.

Should we wait? - And risk upsetting Jeffrey?

Yeah, all right. No, you're right, you're right,

you're right. Eh, well, what a waste.

Come on, we got to stand here

for an hour without being bothered.

- Yeah, it was pretty great. - The best.

You think Jeffrey's still alive?

Um...

Look at that. Well, well, well.

Hello uh, children, what are you doing may I ask?

We're having a cleaning competition.

But not against each other.

We make a cleaning goal and try to beat it as a team.

- We're winning. - This sounds very... neat.

What is happening? - I think they killed Jeffrey

and they're hiding the evidence.

Welcome back. Great cleaning, team. Love it.

Wow! I just put Morris down for a nap.

He was sleepy from laughing so hard.

Jeffrey's so funny.

And he braided my cheveux.

Oh, I hope you don't mind,

I taught 'em a few words in French.

Oh no, je ne mind pas.

- Eh-uh, he-huh. - James.

Right. Um, for Friday,

several people reached out so just wanted to know if um...

Oh, my God, yes! Book it!

- We want that. - Yeah? Okay, awesome.

Yay, Jeffrey's babysitting again!

Yay!

And how do you feel about that though, buddy?

Viv and Morris are the ones who need a babysitter.

But I don't mind giving Jeffrey a hand.

Watch me, Jeffrey. Are you watching?

- Yep. - Wait, Viv, let's not

climb all over our guest, please.

No, it's okay. I'm used to it.

I lift all three Kwan triplets for a skating routine,

so it's fine.

He's magic.

Restaurant is booked.

Did you get a chance to look at that menu?

I did, yes. At first I thought

the prices were in rupees.

We're gonna use our entire gift certificate on parking.

But who cares? - Who cares?

- We're going out. - Going outwards.

- Um, so I think... - Hmm?

...Viv has a crush on Jeffrey.

Yeah, I have a crush on Jeffrey. He's magic.

I caught her watching one of his tutorials.

I just, you know, Viv has a hard time pumping the brakes

when it comes to her feelings

and I just hope she doesn't, you know, propose.

Hmm.

Who dares? - Jeffrey dares.

Hi, Jeffrey. What's up?

I'm really sorry to bother you.

Um, it's about Viv.

I think she has a little crush.

Yeah, we caught that too, buddy.

I'm sure that's just the story of your life.

Par for the co--

Yeah, it's just that she's been sending me

video messages ever since I left your place.

The Jeffrey App is intended for parents only.

It's not appropriate for clients' children to send...

and she sent me another one.

It's a puppet show. It's 14 minutes long.

Wait, hold on, sorry.

Viv went to bed an hour ago, so...

Okay, yeah. I'm so sorry.

I didn't realize she knew how to--

- Right. - Uh, we'll... we will

talk to her. We're gonna talk to her. So sorry.

Thank you.

You could play with pink unicorn

on Friday but she bites,

but she won't hurt you, Jeffie.

She loves you...

Shh-shh-shh! Do you know what time it is?

Give it back! I'm not done!

Oh, sorry, Jeffie. Jeffrey.

We're gonna um, we got it now. It's all under control.

You wrecked my video for Jeffrey!

Shh! No, we're not sending

any more videos to Jeffrey, okay?

No more videos to Jeffrey.

No! It's not fair!

I'm sleeping.

Jeffrey!

- Sorry.

All right, we called this family meeting

to talk about consent.

Consent means giving someone permission

to do something. Do you understand?

I already understand everything forever.

I don't consent to Viv understanding me.

- I don't consent you! - Okay, no guys,

that's not how it works. - Oh, well, guess what?

I don't consent to you

consenting to me being me. - Stop!

Communicating effectively involves talking

and listening, a civil back and forth

with clear rules.

But communicating with kids is chaos.

They say whatever random, unconnected stuff they want.

They fidget and wander off

and can't remember what you just said.

It's a game you can't win.

Or sometimes understand.

Okay, guys, guys, guys. Back up here.

Consent means asking permission to do something.

So, if I wanted to borrow something, for example,

or if I wanted a hug.

Mom gives me hugs all the time

and she never asks first. - Uh Felix,

I carried you inside my body for 41 weeks.

It means that I get hugs forever.

But if someone touches you and you don't wanna be touched,

you can tell them to stop.

Stop touching me, Felix!

- I'm not! - I was practicing.

Okay, so it also means

when someone asks you to stop, you have to stop.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right? Kinda like,

for example... - Mm-hmm.

- ... Jeffrey. - I can climb Jeffrey

like a tree. He was like,

"Uh, Viv, are you a squirrel?"

And I was like, "Nuh-uh." It was hilarious.

Um, honey, y-y-you can't climb Jeffrey like a tree.

He doesn't like it.

- Yes, he does. It's funny. - No, Viv,

you can't climb all over Jeffrey.

He said he doesn't like it.

So? Who cares? I hate Jeffrey.

I'm still available to babysit.

Yeah.

Hey, how's the Heartbreak Kid?

Viv never wants to see him again.

And I'm pretty sure I found a Jeffrey

voodoo doll under her bed.

Where'd she learn about voodoo dolls?

I don't know, magazine?

Where'd she learn about magazines?

Hello!

Sorry I didn't knock.

My arms were full with this panini press

I thought you might want. It doesn't work,

but otherwise, it's fine.

No, Mom, we don't have any space for a panini--

- Babysitter. - Ah, you know what?

I've always wanted a panini press

but I know I'll never use it, so a broken one

is actually perfect. Um, hey Mom,

how'd you like to have dinner here tonight?

Oh! That would be lovely.

While James and I go out for dinner.

So, babysitting. I can't.

Do you remember Millie? Her son Greg was hit

by a snow plow. I'm taking her to a rage room

so she can rage about how her sister stole her cottage.

Can Greg sit or is the snow plow thing still fresh?

- Doctor says he'll never

sit again.

Didn't the kids love Jeffrey?

Yeah, little too much. Viv got a crush on him,

got her feelings hurt, so we cancelled,

and then Dawn swooped in and took our timeslot.

You cancelled because of a crush?

Oh, you worry too much.

Dawn had crushes on older boys all the time.

Remember how she proposed to the bus driver?

And the piano teacher.

Yeah, sounds like daddy issues to me.

Your dad wasn't around long enough to give her issues.

Anyway, the point is,

you shouldn't worry so much.

I never fussed over your feelings

and I'm doing just fine.

Hmm.

Hi, Dawn. How are you?

Are those from my neighbour's garden?

What? I don't know. They're flowers.

What a nice gesture.

Listen, I really need Jeffrey tonight.

Bo and I have booked a couples massage

and we've already prepared our bodies.

I don't... I don't wanna know what that means.

Dawn, please. Please help me out.

I'll-I'll do anything.

Help me record a funny video for Bo's birthday.

- No. - Come with me

to my friend's one-woman show?

- No. - Bo has a kiosk

at the One of a Kind Show and desperately

needs people to model his clothes.

Hey, I would be proud

to watch James model Bo's clothes.

Deal.

Hmm...

Okay, Viv, I told you to go upstairs and put on your PJs.

Why can't Mandy babysit?

Because we're the parents and we make the decisions.

Go upstairs. Into your PJs, please.

I don't feel like seeing stupid-headed Jeffrey! Ugh!

- Hey, okay. - Oh, Viv!

It doesn't matter how you feel,

just please go upstairs. Jeffrey's babysitting.

That's final. - I'm going to wake up

when you're asleep and do something!

Are our lives at risk?

It's worth it for a night out.

Ooh! Okay.

Hi! - Hello, hello.

- Good to see you. Come on in. - Good to see you too.

- Hey, there he is. - How's it goin'?

Come on, kids. Jeffrey's here. Cool shirt.

Hey. - What's up, man?

How's it goin'?

Boom!

Viv doesn't live here anymore.

- Oh, that's too bad,

'cause Viv is so awesome.

It's all good. Don't worry. You guys have a lovely evening.

I have this under control. - Okay, that's--

- Okay, yeah. - You're great, man.

Alright.

- Alright, love you. - Love you guys.

Bye. Enjoy.

Thank you. Night.

Looks like we've got our work cut out for us tonight, Jeffrey.

It's all good. We got this.

Whatever you say boss. Whatever you say.

Uh, wow.

Oh, my God, they have a seafood tower!

Structural fish. Come on!

- Okay, okay. - Oh, question.

The hors d'oeuvres for two, does that come as a tower?

Platter. But after we serve it to you,

you can arrange it however you'd like.

- So now I have to do a job? - Eh, uh, okay,

we'll take one of those. And your... fifth best

bottle of red. We'll start with that. Thank you.

- James, look at me. - Oh.

Look at this. Look at this. I'm eating with both hands

while the food's still hot! - Proud of you.

You're tearing it up both at work

and with this bread situation. To you.

To us.

Felix? Buddy, what's up?

- Blood on the baby. - What?

- Is it his blood? - What does it matter whose blood it is?

No blood is good blood. Viv head-butted Jeffrey.

His face started bleeding and Viv screamed

and woke up Morris.

Jeffrey picked him up and got blood all over him.

And why did you leave me here in charge?

I'm just a little boy!

- Okay, okay, we're on the way. - Yeah, we're coming.

Okay. Uh, oh I'm sorry can you actually cancel the...

Yeah, okay. Perfect.

Enjoy.

Oh, I'm sorry, can... uh, can we get the bill?

Oh, was there something wrong?

Oh, is that chicken wing stuffed?

I'm not... just sorry, just the bill, yeah, bill please.

Okay.

I mean, we're just sitting here.

I mean, right? We should just quick,

real, real, quick. - And you know what?

Yeah, looks good. - Oh, my God.

I knew I had this. So good.

Wow, mmm. Mm-hmm.

We're celebrating.

Ooh, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, so what happened? Oh, your face.

She-she swung at me, but it wasn't very hard.

I backed away, tripped on some clutter,

hit my face on some other clutter.

Yeah, clutter is like the sixth member of our family.

- And that's when he bled

on the baby. I got him some ice.

I've never had an experience like this.

Thank you so much for this opportunity to learn and grow.

To become a babysitter who is prepared

for all situations. To be my best me.

Hey, you're welcome.

I'll issue you a credit on the Jeffrey App.

Oh, my God, that's so kind of you, but no, no.

No, I-I'm... we're sorry about your face.

That's totally fine. Thank you, though.

It's our bad. Anything I can do, let me know.

- Are you sure? - No, I'm mortified.

I'm serious. - I'd be happy to.

- You're so sweet, thank you. - Thank you.

Overrated much?

- Ooh, the worst! - Woof!

Um, Viv, do you wanna come outta there?

I didn't hit him. I missed.

It's still wrong, honey.

You can't hit people.

No matter how mad you are.

I'm sorry.

Maybe she comes out for a super fancy,

super expensive hors d'oeuvre?

What, hey, don't do that. Oh, there it goes.

- It is way past your bedtime. - Way, way, way.

So, do you want Mommy to take you to bed or Daddy?

I'll take her up.

Legally speaking, someone has to watch

over your kids while you're away from them.

That way, if anything bad happens, it's not your fault.

It could feel stressful finding the right person

to be in charge of your messy little goblins.

We sometimes don't even feel qualified

and we made them with our bodies.

Yeah, that was fun. So much fun.

I love the way the plastic is interacting with the tannins.

Yeah, yeah, yes, BPA-mazing.

Oh, ooh!

- Yeah, I said it. I said it. - With the jokes.

Jeffrey, hi. I have some babysitting work for you.

I thought Corey left for Switzerland today?

Oh, he did. Our hearts are broken,

so we need to drown our sorrow in champagne and seafood, ASAP.

Right. But um, is there someone to look after?

Yes! They're a little older.

- Early teens? - Early 70s.

Bo's crochet team will be working

into the evening for the foreseeable future

and without supervision, less gets done.

I don't think so.

Well, they just need to be fed, and read to, and kept awake.

I don't babysit adults,

even though some of them need it.

Je-Jeffrey! Wait.

Ugh, damn it!

Now I have to set up the baby monitor.