Original subtitles

Done!

Oh, heard you like clothes.

What? There's more?

Okay, we need to pick one outfit

and stick to it, like a cartoon character.

Or we need to bring back the toga.

It was all you needed.

Felix, use a plate and utensils.

C'mon.

Not on the couch!

Oh, not on the clean pile.

I'll go get a plate.

Buying clothes used to be so simple.

If an outfit looked good and was affordable, you got it.

But with kids you have to consider other things.

Like, will stains wash out of this?

And will this hide stains?

Kids are so messy it would make more sense to wrap them in paper towel everyday.

Instead, you buy cheap clothes and hope

they last long enough to pass down to the next adorable slob.

Which works great! Until your kids care how they look.

Those are my pants!

Yeah, well, they don't fit you anymore.

So, Janice's clothes don't fit her.

And she's a beauty.

Once they start voicing their opinions

like you foolishly encourage them to do,

you're in trouble.

I'm amazed that Viv brought home all her lunch containers and lids.

This says "Henry."

She brought home another kid's stuff.

Uh, Felix...

What are you doing, laundry?

First time.

I woke up with a nosebleed.

My pajamas and pillow were all bloody.

Do you even know how to get blood out of clothes?

Extra hot wash and extra hot dry.

- Okay, so you don't know. - Nope, that's not how you do it.

And I know you hate wasting water,

so I washed all my clothes.

Felix, you shrunk everything.

That's okay. I needed new clothes.

No, you don't just get a new wardrobe anytime you want.

Are you kidding? Next time you want to do laundry or grow,

you need to talk to us first.

Okay, okay, okay. Maybe these will fit Viv.

Not my style, crocodile.

Um...

Hello, what's with the top?

What? I saw this on a TV show,

in a book, and on the iPad.

Okay, let's just pull it on down.

C'mon, guys.

Let's get to school.

I don't have anything else to wear.

Okay, why don't you wear that suit that Dawn Auntie gave you

for Corey's Montessori graduation.

Okay.

Can I shrink my shirt like Felix?

That's a hard no.

Yeah, but that's part of the fun.

Chill berry, you know what I mean? Ice berry.

I don't think it's a berry at all.

Marla...

What a reveal.

Like my new sweat jacket?

Not used to seeing you in your civvies, Marla.

Mr. Gero met with the top brass from Fintekoäly,

and I wanted to eavesdrop without drawing attention.

Just a pedestrian taking a stroll through a private business.

I always thought that Gero's should provide branded hoodies for the staff.

That'd be nice. Also, it's freezing in here.

Yes! I have to wear an undershirt just to keep my nipples at bay.

- That's genius. - Right? I mean, look, it really helps.

Not your stupid nipples, James. The branded clothing.

We could sell a whole line of discount Baggies Buys clothing.

I don't know. Fast fashion is an ugly business.

I agree. Let's not exploit a developing country for their cheap labour.

No, I was saying the clothes are ugly and the quality sucks.

Here, feel my sleeve. - No.

I shook the hand of the Italian tailor who made this.

James is right. You can't make a buck in the garment biz

without the woke police all over your ass.

I did not say that at all.

But generating new lucrative revenue streams

is a surefire way to prove to Mr. Gero

and those Fintekoäly creeps that this department

will not be replaced by robots.

Marla, I really don't think the robots are coming for us.

You sound crazy, James.

Okay, let's run with this idea.

I need an ethical loophole, pronto!

Okay, we're on it, Marla.

C'mon, we ain't doing that.

Morris made this for you in daycare.

- This is a forgery. - Yeah.

- Recycling bin. - Agreed.

I need a drink.

Hello there, Mr. Business.

How was school?

All the big kids made fun of me

and the little kids thought I was a teacher.

I need normal clothes.

I'm on it. Snaps N' Zippers is having a big online sale.

Don't you think we should be buying those from a store

that's a little bit more conscientious?

We should. But it's expensive.

And he ruined all his clothes.

So, the planet is going to have to take one for the team.

What about Dawn? Doesn't she buy Corey's clothes from stores like that?

I mean, what about some ethically sourced hand-me-downs?

James, I've been shopping for half an hour.

You want me to now go to my rich sister's and beg for scraps, again?

She might offer to make us dinner and we don't have to cook...

Felix, get your sister. We're going to Dawn Auntie's.

Okay.

Yeah...

Oh, that's a nice shirt.

I wish I could wear a white shirt.

Every time I do, the kids treat me like a human hand towel.

That's a shame.

A crisp white shirt is my signature style.

At work, they call me "Crispy-D."

They do?

No.

Thanks so much for dinner, guys.

I really hope we're not imposing.

I'm sorry we didn't have more in the way of extra clothes for Felix.

Well, if you're looking for sustainable clothing,

we buy everything for Corey at "Le Petit Chèvre Enjoué."

Well, Le Petit is a little...

chi-chi for your tastes, no?

You usually shop at that big store

with all the bright colours and vanity sizing.

I went in there once when I needed pants in a pinch.

You know I'm a size zero?

We're just trying to be more conscientious consumers, is the thing.

Yes, and I, personally,

don't feel that we're terrible people

because we choose to shop affordably.

We make up for it in other ways.

Like, washing sandwich bags and never going on vacation.

And I think it's a little uncomfortable

that our kids' clothes are made by other kids.

Well, some would say that's a very Western perspective.

Right, some would say that our culture

is too precious about children.

Dad, I can't open my sparkling water.

The tab hurts my finger.

Aww... Give it to Daddy, sweetheart.

Don't hurt your wittle fingey.

There you go, darling.

You guys want to hear this scary story?

Yes!

- Woo! - Oh!

Ho-ho-ho!

Look, kids, it's crummy Santa.

Kids grow so fast

and clothes don't grow at all. It's a problem.

You've got mere months before the kid clothes you bought

are useless and bound for the garbage.

Really pays to have a neighbour

that's crazy enough to have more kids than us.

Rachel traded me all these hand-me-downs for a tetra pack of wine.

Smells like soup and dogs.

Felix, every family has their own smells.

Luckily, there's a network of parents

who are both needing more clothes

and wanting to get old clothes out of their house.

And so our clothes get many second lives...

before inevitably polluting our precious but dying world.

You promised to keep it positive.

I am not wearing that.

Yeah, nobody is. Who gets this for their kids?

It's actually very "on-brand" for Rachel.

Theoretically, I really shouldn't like her,

but ultimately, I very much do.

A belly button shirt!

What does "Girls are on fire" mean?

It means girls can burn you and cook food?

I love it!

I don't know about that, Viv. You're only six.

Please!

You know, I have a thing about belly buttons.

I just feel that they should be covered and protected.

From what?

The cold, predators...

from lions, lion predators.

What is this?

Oh my God, that's someone's retainer.

- Okay. - Let's all go wash our hands.

Yeah...

You cleaning the house with a T-shirt?

Yeah.

I have diverted some of Rachel's ruder hand-me-downs

from the landfill and turned them into rags.

"The person beside me is stupid."

Did you get any new rags from Snaps N' Zippers?

Don't judge me. I went to a thrift place first,

but they wanted just as much for the old stuff as they did for the new and...

I could not justify that. - Could you justify it to Greta?

- However... - Just asking.

...I did find a few things at Snaps N' Zippers'

more eco-conscious line.

- Okay. - Pajama Joe, get over here.

"Think'n Bout' It."

That's the name of this line.

Hey, got you some new duds.

- Argh. - What? What's wrong?

I can't wear this. I'm in grade five.

- You're ten. - These are so mid.

I'm not wearing them. - Felix!

What does mid mean?

You're so old.

How would you like it if your mom

bought you clothes that you hated.

Oh, that happened. All the time.

And I had to wear them because that's the way it works.

Well, that sucks!

You know what sucks means, right?

Yeah!

Hey.

Put these on. - Mom,

I really don't want to wear this kid stuff.

Yeah, well, it's either that

or you go shopping in your PJ's.

We're going shopping?

You should look the way you want to look.

And I get that you're not a little guy anymore.

But you'll always be my little guy.

Can we go to that skateboard store

with all the ripped stuff?

And those shirts with the mushrooms.

Ahem. Uh-huh.

There's always broken glass out front.

Yeah, I know the one.

Well, I can't believe I'm about to say this,

but there's no way I'm paying good money for holes.

Whoa, look at this.

These are cool.

Felix, we were just given pants with rips in them.

Real rips that were earned.

I want to wear stuff like this.

Yeah, and I want to wear a white shirt,

but some things are just not practical.

Mom, I'm trying them on.

Well, those are not going to fit.

Don't come in.

Well, how am I going to tell if they fit?

Could you just wait outside the store until it's time to pay?

Um. No.

Fine...

But don't act like my mom.

Just pretend you're a regular lady.

Please?

I wish we could keep shopping with Felix and Mommy.

Yeah.

I wish that man didn't get mad

when I accidentally tipped that mannequin over.

It's okay, honey. It's safer out here anyway.

That girl is wearing a crop top!

Oh, hey, hey, we don't have to yell and point at people. No, no, no.

She's not supposed to wear a crop top.

She'll get a cold, she'll get predators.

She doesn't... You're old enough.

Uh... Wear whatever you want.

Why can't I wear what I want?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, I think that young man

is trying to get your attention.

- Is that your son? - No!

Yes, please don't tell him I said that.

Sorry?

I'm just trying not to embarrass him.

You know, he's at that age.

Right...

Could you please go over there and tell him,

we're not shopping for shoes today.

Thank you.

What's up, bro?

- You need something? - Yeah.

How much are these kicks?

Oh, these are straight fire. They go for 70.

Dollars, right?

Yup, 70 dollars, man.

For each?

For the pair.

- Oh. - Yeah...

Is that lady over there your mom?

Yeah...

Fine, what size?

Um... Let's see.

Hi, no, we're not shopping for shoes today.

So...

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. - I'm going to get your size.

Nice moves.

Thanks. I love these.

Yeah, 70 dollars.

And that price is for both shoes, Mom.

Felix, shoes are not on the shopping list.

You didn't shrink your shoes.

But these are straight fire.

Oh, that's new.

I say that all the time.

Felix, we're already spending a lot of money to replace the clothes.

You know?

Okay.

That dude is going to sleep in those shoes.

It's okay to buy their happiness once in a while, right?

Yeah... - Absolutely,

we're just going to cut cheese out of the grocery bill

for the next six months. We're going to be fine.

I was looking for a reason to cut the cheese.

Oh, there she is.

There she is!

That's my wife. Listen,

so Viv is still fixated on this crop top situation.

And I don't know how to explain to her that it's inappropriate.

Is it inappropriate?

She's not being inappropriate.

But, I mean, there are creeps.

Right? There are creeps. That are out there.

And they're going to be creepy. Creepy creeps.

And we have to explain to her about the creeps, right?

You want to tell her that she's going to invite unwanted attention

because of what she chooses to wear?

I don't want to tell her. I'm just saying

that's the world we live in.

Because we tell boys they can dress however they want, but not girls.

Okay, fine.

I am a Handmaid's Tale villain.

You're right, you got me. It's just crop tops for all the little children.

And leather undies with the frilly on the outside

and the snappies connected to the...

- Garter belts? - Yeah.

Garter belts for all the babies.

Right now,

Viv has no hang-ups about how she looks.

It's a very special time that does not last long.

She's going to hear about all the ways her body is inappropriate

or not good enough when she's older.

Yeah...

There's got to be some rules, though, right?

Like, no fur.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's...

Because it's cruel. Of course, also...

no white after labour day.

- That's another one. - Or ever if you have kids.

Ha! Let's do it.

Hey, what's that little dot on your shirt?

A belly button. Is this one okay with you?

I like this compromise, do you like this compromise?

I got marker on the couch.

Oh, hello there, nice shirt.

Felt like looking crisp today.

What's our lunch today, Dad?

Oh, it would be a tortellini, extra saucy.

- Yes. - And how is it you plan on saying goodbye

to our disgusting children?

Bye now.

- Bye! - Bye.

Bye bye now.

Bye... bye bye.

Most impressive, Mr. Wick.

Damn it.

See ya.

It's perfect. This is going to be exciting.

I think this is really going to work.

- All your idea. - Guess what...

what's-her-name who works here has?

She's talking about Beth.

Beth! Black toenail. Already saw it.

No, a cousin who's in jail.

Oh, is this gossip? I don't think we should be

judging people's cousins or judging people based on their cousins,

right, Ennis? - No, it's not gossip. It is gold.

Oh, then, Ennis' cousin Berk was incarcerated.

Hey, he sold a few exotic pets that he acquired illegally.

Okay? Big deal. - Beth's cousin is a real criminal.

He's in jail for manslaughter.

Okay, so ending a human life.

You know what Beth's cousin does in there, James?

In the slammer? Tell him, Ennis.

Beth said that he taught himself how to sew.

And now he runs a class where other inmates can learn.

And then I said, rather insensitively,

"Hey, that could come in handy."

And it's given me a brilliant idea.

Is the idea prison labour?

Yes. The unsexy thing about clothing sweatshops

are the innocent workers in prison-like conditions.

But, what if they weren't innocent?

What if they were really bad guys already in prison?

It's perfect and we have an in. Get to it!

Yup. We're getting right on it.

What does she want us to get on exactly?

I don't know, man. I think she's just paranoid

because she thinks robots are coming to take our jobs or whatever.

Why would a robot be sent to replace me?

I don't do anything.

Hello.

- Hi. - How was your day?

- Aw, it was... - Felix lost his new shoes.

- Viv! - What?

Yeah, that was Felix's news to share.

How? Where?

I don't know.

But I found these cool flip flops

at the Lost and Found, and...

I like them better.

Felix, you promised me you'd look after those shoes.

Also, gross! You can't steal

a stranger's flip flops.

Hey, how long before you got that stain on that shirt?

Well, somebody brought donuts, and I got cocky and had jelly.

Yes! I'm going to look for some dollars.

I have to take her to the dollar store, we made a bet.

You bet on me ruining my shirt?

No, Viv bet on you ruining your shirt.

I bet that you'd make it. Real ding dong.

Can I go to the dollar store too?

Nope, the only place you're going is back to school right now

with me to find your shoes.

- Argh. - Get to the car.

Now.

Okay...

You hear that tone?

Terrible, terrible son.

New number one son.

Oh my God, it's like a lice farm in here.

Yeah, you're right.

Go grab one of those hockey sticks.

Why, why?

Okay, here we go.

Ready? - Ready.

Okay, nope.

Ah!

Alright, I think I see a shoe.

Ew, what is that?

- That's pizza crust. - Eww.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Okay.

Oh, wait, I see a shoe. I see a shoe.

Ah-ha!

Oh, you found it. That's my son's shoe.

Oh, actually that's my son's shoe.

Oh, it's ours. He found the left one here today

and he couldn't find the right so that's it.

He found the shoe today because my son lost his shoe today.

So did mine.

Really...

- Hmm... - Mom, I found them.

They were in the gym change room.

- That's crazy.

That's insane. I mean, Lost and Found indeed.

- If I were to... - Thank you. C'mon, sweetie.

Then, Marla abandoned the whole sweatshop idea

when she found out that AI was an upcoming tool for fashion design.

She said she would not quote,

"Hold the corporate ladder for C-3PO to climb."

- Woof. - A real hate on for robots.

Oh. - Everything okay, Viv?

Felix wrecked his clothes

and then gets new clothes and fancy shoes.

And I'm not even allowed to have one little shirt.

My new shoes don't show my belly button.

What's so wrong with my belly button?

Nothing is wrong with your belly button, sweetie.

Your belly button is perfect.

In fact, if you want to have a crop top...

...you can have a crop top.

Really? Yes!

You hear that? We're free.

Okay, well, if you're going to have a belly button shirt,

I'm going to have a belly button shirt.

What do you think of this guy?

And... "Pa-zow!"

The new season of belly button shirts has arrived.

No, no, no. You're not doing it right.

When kids are little, they wear whatever we tell them.

But gradually, they express themselves through hard won battles

with snow pants they refuse to put on

and Halloween costumes they refuse to take off.

Before you know it, you're looking at your kids like my dad looked at me

in my "Meat Puppets" T-shirt and an infected eyebrow ring.

Fashion comes and goes. What are they doing?

Clothes will be important to your kids and that's okay.

What's really important is what's underneath.

Belly buttons.

Okay, Mommie needs a half hour more with Felix.

Okay. So, I needed to tell you this dream.

It's so cool. - Okay.

So, me, Vivian!

Was an evil, evil princess.

I lived in an evil castle.

- Okay... - And then, my pet T-Rex came.

Her name was "Bloody."

Her name was "Bloody?"

- Yeah. - Well, I mean, it's a T-Rex.

And I changed my name to "Bloody Princess."

This dream sounds a little... okay.

So, there's this other dream where a tiger was chasing me

and I walked on its back, and I ran across the whole world.

I like this. What do you think the tiger represents?

- So then... - She's going to need another...

I don't know how we got to 40 minutes,

but that's where we're at.

What else you got?

You want to hear one of my dreams?

- Yeah! - You ain't ready.