Original subtitles

I don't understand.

We nailed potty training with Felix and Viv.

This guy is making us seem like amateurs.

What are we doing wrong?

Well, he's putting his junk in there.

He's got the right idea. - Attention!

We have a question.

Excuse me, Daddy is trying

to learn how to not be seduced if he's in a cult.

What does Mommy do for her job?

Okay. Guess we're just going to hope

that I'm never in that situation.

I am a data analyst for the city so I...

I look at information and numbers...

See, her job is boring. You were wrong.

- What? Viv? - We made a bet.

I said that you were in charge of the World Cup.

Well, yeah, okay... So, I...

I said that you were the queen of all the garbage trucks.

Garbage trucks are infrastructure.

So what I do is I take the data...

Do you control the trucks or not?

Everyone has a little critic in their head

that undermines their confidence.

Tells them that they are not good enough.

No. But I do take the data.

That's not anything. When you have kids,

that little critic doesn't live in your head, it lives in your house.

And you feed it three square meals a day.

Nobody wins.

Couldn't agree more.

My job is interesting.

Right, Morris?

We have a problem.

Oh, what up?

The waterfront for our proposed World Cup village

is closed due to contamination.

- Oh, dang, sis. - What's with all the stickers?

Are you doing another unboxing video?

Oh, no. I just lost the instruction manual so I'm just kind of winging it.

Okay, do you have time to discuss this right now, or...

...would you rather play with your toys?

I can do both. Contaminated with what?

- Geese. - Okay, well, they'll just fly away.

Well, it's actually their poop.

So geese feces is toxic and abundant.

This could be a complete disaster for the World Cup village.

Oh, dang...

Well, we do have a World Cup committee meeting on Friday.

Councillor Flynn will probably want to hear this.

Flynn... What does he care?

Him and his developer buddies would probably rather build a golf course there.

He's more toxic than the poo.

Yeah, and he always calls me "Kyle."

I think he knows my name, but he's just trying to like disrespect me.

Yeah, maybe.

He's kind of sort of been put in charge

of our World Cup event. - Him?

Argh... - Yeah...

Hey, but you should take the lead, Astrid.

You slap.

Yeah. You're right about me.

I do slap.

Okay, yeah.

I'll give that turd the truth about crap.

- Yeah. - You have a sticker on your chin.

Oh. Uh...

Did I get it?

- Yeah. - Thanks!

Thank you.

Look, Daddy, I've basically killed this list.

It really helps you stay on top of things, huh?

Our helper teacher said my brain is like a puppy.

If I train it properly, it'll be my loyal companion for life.

Well, I think all that hard work deserves a reward. What do you think?

Like a puppy that's not my brain?

- No, no. - We're getting a dog? - No!

No, no. Felix, remember when I taught you how to ride a bike?

That was awesome.

I got to skip school and eat a banana split.

And you got to learn how to ride a bike.

No, I think I learned before that.

No. It happened on that day. Because Daddy taught you.

That's why you got the banana split, bud.

I don't remember.

Very special memory for me.

But Viv, what do you say you and me give it a go?

What are you talking about this Friday, huh?

Yeah! Banana split!

Yeah, valuable new skill.

Alright, I put Morris to bed a half hour early.

I really have to practise for my presentation on Friday.

I'm so rusty. - Why don't you do your presentation for us?

Okay. Okay...

Goose feces... - But I get to do a presentation first.

Can I have your phone for background music?

I can dust off my history presentation about Alexander Graham Bell.

Guys, guys, I think Mommy needs our help.

I don't think we need to put on a whole talent show.

No, no, don't say it! Talent show!

Talent show!

Alright, keep your acts tight. Three minutes max.

Yes! I'm so horny for this.

- Felix! - I'm sorry, buddy...

What? It just means excited, right?

Let's just stick to saying the word "excited." Okay?

Talent show! Talent show!

Talent show! - Alright, which one of us has to talk to Felix about "horny?"

Yes!

Ha!

Conclusively, by matching projections

against our detailed data sets.

And that's why this species' feces makes me uneasy.

Anyway, that's it.

Ye... Yeah!

Very informative.

I know where I won't be swimming this summer.

Okay, what's with the robot voice?

What robot voice?

You, um, talk, um, like, this.

Okay, that's just Mom's professional speaking voice.

Like broken Siri?

No, no.

Anyway, I won the talent show.

No, I did!

It's not that children don't care about your feelings...

It's that they don't think you have any.

As parents, we work hard to nourish our children's confidence

and protect them from harmful criticism.

But the more confidence they have,

the more they feel they can share their hurtful, tactless opinions.

Which can make you feel like crap.

- Oh, you want it? - I do!

Hey!

Oh my God, I'll be back. Guys, guys, guys.

Dawn's left for work, but Corey's making

nettle tea before we hit the books.

Thursday is homeschool day.

Oh, right. What are you studying?

Capital punishment.

Right.

Join us for a tea and a little chin wag?

Both those things sound gross.

I should probably just go.

Wait, is everything alright?

I'm sensing a nervous energy...

Oh, I can feel it in my glutes.

Come here.

Okay, I mean, you used to work in the corporate world, right?

With actual professional people?

Yeah, I had a nervous breakdown to prove it.

I mean, what I wouldn't give to have those years back.

Right, right, right. Anyway,

so you actually did a lot of public speaking.

With presentations, and pitches, and what not.

Oh, I see. You've got to impress the big wigs

and as a result, you are "wigging out."

More or less.

- My advice: - Okay.

Accept the public speaking trauma of your past.

Wait, what public speaking trauma?

In grade three?

With your speech about peer pressure?

Dawn told you about that?

That was so humiliating.

I belched in the middle of my speech.

I can still hear it echoing through the auditorium.

I can still taste the turkey sandwich I had for lunch that day.

Well, you can forget about it now.

Whoosh! - I had forgotten about it, but you just reminded me!

Really? It comes up in our household fairly often.

Every charades night someone inevitably

puts "Astrid's Speech" in the hat.

Most of our guests laugh.

I... actually find it moving.

You can leave it on the desk or in the kitchenette,

just make sure Fintekoäly can see it. Okay?

Thank you.

Hey, Marla...

I just want to say, great email today

about footwear in the office.

I don't think sandals should be worn in the workplace either.

This is a business, not an all-inclusive.

I love that line.

Can I get a personal day tomorrow?

Personal day? For what?

It's personal.

But still, I must know.

Well, I wanted to take the day

to teach my daughter how to ride a bike.

No one taught me how to ride a bike.

I had to teach myself.

Oh, that's very sad. Also, inspiring...

I rode straight down a hill without knowing how to stop

and crashed through a construction barrier.

To this day, I still scream every time I see a traffic cone.

Hey, it's my birthday!

Take your personal day, James.

But do not fail to teach that child to ride

or she will suffer for the rest of her life.

Oh, thank you so much, Marla.

I already taught my son, so I feel like...

Mark my words!

Do not fail.

Okay, I don't think we need to do this part.

I feel very confident. - I certainly hope so.

So what are you trying to grow? A Fu Manchu kind of thing?

- Yeah. - You'll get there, man. Oh, talk to you later.

Astrid! Hey, I just want to run something by you.

So what if I introduce your presentation with music?

You know, like, as you go out to the podium,

I play Nirvana or Public Enemy.

Something badass and retro like you.

A podium? Where is this taking place?

- Like City Hall. - There he is.

Watching you in my rearview mirror, buddy.

Hey, how's your golf game? Turkey.

Ah, hey, Councillor Flynn.

Yes, hello.

Leonard Flynn.

Councillor for Etobicoke, Lakeshore.

You don't know that jingle? That was my campaign jingle.

- Oh. - Yeah, and you are?

- Astrid. - Astrid.

Like asteroid. Or asterisk.

Spell it for me.

A-S-T...

...R-I-D.

Astrid.

You're the one who's presenting

at the committee meeting on Friday.

Yeah.

Kyle here says it's going to be really crappy.

- Jean-Luc...

Well, I hope not. I've been preparing.

Oh, no, no. That you're actually talking about crap.

Isn't there a big issue with goose crap?

Oh, yes, "crappy."

It'll be good, though.

I'm very "poo-shinate" about the topic.

I mean "passionate."

It's a bad poo pun.

Anyway, I'm quite horny about Friday.

I mean, sorry, excited.

I said the wrong thing. What... I meant...

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Astrid, I really appreciate all the research you've done

and it matters to me big time,

but I think this sensitive information

should perhaps be disseminated

by someone the committee knows a little bit better.

Like maybe... Kyle here.

Oh, you mean me?

Yeah, you, Kyle.

What do you say?

- Sorry.

Yeah, yeah. Sounds good, sounds good.

I got to run, so...

Gas, like burpee. "Gastrid."

I've got her name locked in now...

...Kyle.

Is that your Starbucks name?

- Yeah... - Mine's Ricky.

Astrid?

Thank God you're still here.

Is everything okay? Did that girl leave another mean comment

on your crochet video? - No, I just feel awful

for bringing up your old public speaking thing.

It was thoughtless, and I want you to know

that Dawn is very cross with me.

It's okay, it's fine.

It's funny, I guess.

Still, don't let a little past humiliation

stop you from sharing your voice.

It's fine, it doesn't matter anyway.

I've been passed over for the presentation.

They've asked my boss, Jean-Luc, to do it.

That's outrageous. Sexist.

I mean, no doubt you're the one with the expertise in...

What is it exactly?

- Goose poo. - Seriously?

Yes, it's a very serious problem.

- Oh. - They're highly parasitic, they cause E.coli contamination,

salmonella, and spread bird flu to humans.

If we host the World Cup before we deal with our poo problem,

we could be hosting the next global pandemic.

But who cares, right? Like the kids say, "My job is boring."

Why get worked up about it, why, why, why?

- That's not boring, Mom.

That's really gross and important.

He's right.

If you don't do this presentation,

all this poo could be swept under the rug.

Here.

They're not in order

and I accidentally spit on one of them.

You got this.

You're right.

All I need is a little nerve.

And perhaps an antacid?

Okay, now...

The key to riding a bike is focus.

I can't do that. My brain is different.

Yup, no, that's true. That's why we took an extra half an hour

to find the most quiet place in the park.

- So... - Different because ADHD.

Yup, that's true. So put your little feetsies on the pedals here.

What's that guy doing over there?

Oh, that doesn't matter. Let's concentrate on you.

This is a handbrake, right? So put your fingies on that and we'll squeeze that.

- Okay, hold on. - What's in that bike's trunk? - Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.

So why don't you just tell me more about how this handbrake feels?

When you squeeze it, it goes all the way down to the wheel.

Honey, it goes all the way down to-- - Puppies!

Yeah, that's exciting and cute.

It's a little bit suspicious, but honey, honey,

the reason we came to the park is to learn how to ride a bike, right?

Want to hold one? I'm trying to socialize them.

Yes!

Oh my God. Maybe we'll get a puppy.

- Really? - Yeah, we get stuff we shouldn't get all the time.

Take-out, your baby brother.

Maybe we'll surprise your mom with one in like three to eight years.

- Yay! - Okay, okay, okay.

Let me take this guy. Oh, buddy,

please take back your kid magnet.

You sure? This one is on sale.

Dude, you're killing me.

Okay, we took the whole day off.

So why don't we learn how to ride a bike?

Use our time wisely, yeah? Yeah! Okay.

- I did it, Daddy. - Yeah, you climbed a tree.

You want to show me how you can ride a bike?

It's too high.

- Hello. - Astrid.

Just to play Devil's Avocado...

Aren't goose feces a part of nature?

How bad could it be? - What are you doing?

Oh, hey, Astrid. Just going over some notes.

- What's that on your hand? - Visual prop,

Devil's Avocado. Thought of it last night.

Were you high?

Alright, I had gummy, but it was all CBD.

You know, for anxiety.

Okay, well, no need to be anxious.

I'm going to do the presentation.

Okay, are you sure?

Wait, why is there a camera in here?

Oh, they're livestreaming to the other committee members

and other host cities.

Oh God...

She's not Kyle.

Good morning. It's the afternoon.

Oh. Right...

Sorry, I missed lunch.

Psst.

Please, c'mon, let's go.

Anyway, peer pressure.

Yikes...

I mean...

Okay, finally got some peace and quiet. No distractions!

- I'm tired! - Nope, that's, nope.

Let's just...

Momentum and balance, they go hand in hand.

They're like best friends, they're like that.

- I don't understand. - It's okay.

You don't need to understand, Daddy's very confusing sometimes.

All I need you to do is trust me, okay?

So let's put your feet back up on the pedals.

And we're just going to start pedaling, okay?

Ready? Here we go.

Yeah, that's it...

You're doing it, Wonder Girl.

Oh my God, you're so good.

You trust me?

What? No!

Viv!

I said, "I don't trust you!"

- It's okay. - But you didn't listen.

- Let me... - I'd never do that to you, Peanut Butter.

Let me see your hand, let me just see your hand.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay?

And now, I'd like to introduce my colleague who has a question.

"Just to play Devil's Avocado, but weren't the geese here first?

If so, aren't we the problem?"

Well, that's a... Oh, that's a great answer.

That's a great idea, Mr. 'Cado.

I don't understand any of this, quite frankly.

Hey, still good. He's fine.

That's a really great point, Mr. 'Cado.

Yeah, I think that's

a great discussion to have with everyone here is

are geese peers or are they...

Okay, yeah, tough crowd.

If she burps again...

Sorry, if this has been confusing.

Big time!

The issue is quite simple, actually.

The area that we have tentatively designated

as the World Cup village is contaminated.

Meaning, all the work that we've put into hosting this event

can be undone by what comes out of a goose.

Yeah, we can come up with some solutions

before scaring off investors. But first,

why don't we understand the facts?

Oh, great save, Astrid.

Should have been you the whole time.

Stupid Flynn.

Thanks. Sorry your puppet didn't go over.

Yo, I never want to see this again. Here.

Give it to your baby.

That was horrible, Kyle.

That was horrible, Jean-Luc.

I'm Leonard.

Wow.

Okay...

Wow, I thought it was all over

after you belched into that microphone.

But somehow you turned a corner

and it became quite enlightening.

Well, I appreciate that.

You've inspired me to come up with a bold idea.

And I could really use your help getting the city on board.

Really?

Yeah, I would love to help develop a task force.

No, I'm talking about a mass cull.

Harm reduction.

A goose reduce.

They're invasive, you said it yourself.

They're kind of grotesque.

They get all over our beautiful golf courses,

and you're not allowed to harm them.

But now that we know they're trying to harm us,

I think there would be big support for a massacre.

Yeah, I don't want to kill any of the geese.

Oh, no, we'll get some guys from out of town.

I'll talk to the mayor.

You know, Astrid...

I think you're too smart for the job you have.

You've got a really bright future.

I can see that.

So let's kill some geese together.

Okay?

What's up, dog?

You're not mad at me?

No, the banana split in my tummy has melted.

Now, I have a popsicle.

I'm great. - Yeah, that's good, sweetie.

I'm sorry if I wasn't paying attention to your feelings before.

I just wanted the day with you to feel so special, you know?

It was special. We played with puppies,

climbed trees, and rocked out.

I know, right? It was... It was, like, crazy.

- Crazy special. - Yeah.

Best. - Best.

So, is the bike working?

Yeah, this bike will be working.

This bike will be under you in no time.

Here, do you want to see? I'm about to fix it.

See, it's just the chain part.

Raising kids can be rough on the old ego.

You have a sleepy brain, bags under your eyes,

and some kind of stain on your sleeve.

It's grease from chicken fingers. I know what it is!

Your kids can be your harshest critics, but also your biggest fans.

- Mommy's home! - Yes, she is!

Feels good to be needed, and loved, and missed.

There she is!

And sometimes out of nowhere, supported.

Hi. - Hi.

Thank you for your note today.

It really helped me.

I came up with a mascot for Toronto's World Cup.

It's a goose with a diaper on.

- It's a work of art. - Thank you.

How was bike riding?

Great, I climbed up a tree and tried out some dogs.

You tried out some dogs?

You know, for the future.

I see... Great job.

- How was your presentation? - Oh, they were really horny for it.

That's great. Hi.

I kind of feel like I should have a final thought on confidence.

Maybe stronger to just let the moment sit.

I'm confident you're right. Boo.

I was really focused when I invented the telephone.

Guess you could say I was... dialled-in.

- I could do some animals. - Yeah, yeah. Let's have it.

You're all very familiar with my crow.

Look at your card, now hand it back.

And close your eyes. - Okay, okay.

Open your eyes.

Where's the card at?

Okay, well there's two kinds of dogs.

There's the dogs that bark like this,

or,

My name's Rappin' Daddy,

and I'm here to say that I like rappin' in the Daddy way.

I do laundry, and dishes, and gettin' kids fed.

End of the day, puttin' suckers to bed.

A parent all day and a parent all night,

and sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it right.

And that's... honestly, the hardest part.

Is the... The doubt of it.

And wondering if I'm ruining a young life.

And give it up for Astrid, my lovely wife!

Whoa!