Original subtitles

- You fell in lava.

- No, I didn't! - Felix, tie your shoe, buddy.

You're gonna trip. Ooh, Viv! Good hot steppin'!

Stay outta that lava!

- That's so kind of you to

give your wife a break with the kids.

I actually take care of the kids a lot.

I'm pretty good at it, so. - Oh, cool.

Viv, you wanna pick up that juice box for me?

Do it, Viv. Be a garbage picker.

Garbage picker, garbage picker. - Don't call me that!

- Do you want some help, dear? - No, I'm... I got it.

Felix, stop calling your sister a garbage picker.

Not that there's anything wrong with... the garbage people...

Not the garbage people, the people who pick up the garbage.

We need those people. - Felix kicked it away

from the garbage. - It was an accident, Viv.

Don't say my name!

Before kids, you were only responsible

for your own behaviour. Like, if someone yelled

at a waiter, or threw up in a flowerbed.

Happened one time.

It didn't reflect poorly on you.

When your kid misbehaves,

everyone blames you. Like, if your credit score

got worse when other people missed a payment.

So, sometimes, you gotta put your foot down.

Okay, guys, somebody is putting that juice box

in the garbage in five, four...

Three.

My name is Viv. - Two.

This is the last finger. Last finger's coming down.

In five, four, three.

Yeah, you know what? - Look at my hair.

It's so pretty. Oh, look at my pink new shirt.

All right, guys, let's go.

Viv, why are you wearing Felix's pants?

I couldn't find mine. Our room's too messy.

Okay, go upstairs and change quickly.

- What's the magic word? - Quickly.

Oh, kids, put your bowls away!

Hey, sir, come here. I'm trying to find your lunch container.

Did you unpack it like I asked? - I don't know.

You were supposed to put this in the dishwasher the night before.

There it is. What is all this stuff?

You brought the remote to school?

Gus said his had more buttons.

There's a can opener in here, my man.

That's like a time capsule for B-list items.

Check this out.

My own pants.

Do you wanna play ice cream, Morris?

Excuse me, may I have some ice cream?

Oh, oh, right. This... Hey, guys.

- Thank you, here's the bucks. - Kids.

- Come clean this. - Thank you.

It's quicker if I do it.

They'll get it next time.

Hey, buddy, what are you doin' this weekend?

Potty training a toddler.

We got his uh, favourite treat as a nice reward.

Eh! Oh, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for

is you are going to the Raptors game with me, your friend!

My treat! - What? You're... What?

- Yep. You heard right! - Really? Thank you!

- One thing. - Did Ennis tell you

that Fintekoäly is treating us to a Raptors game?

- Kinda. - I was building to that.

Can I have a ride? I would like to get quite hammered, please.

- No. - The real question is why?

'Cause he fiddles with all the dials.

Why would Fintekoäly, the very company

that is trying to replace us with AI,

treat us to a basketball game?

Wanna know the answer? - Oh, yes.

So do I, James. That is why we all must go and learn what we can.

Oh, but James, you can't go, right?

You actually have to stay home and teach your baby how to go poo-poo.

I will be going to the Raptor game.

And potty training will not stop me.

Good. We'll present a united front.

A family. Family cannot be replaced by robots.

- Yeah, can Astrid come? - Yeah, I don't care.

Oh!

That's Marla for yes.

Morris... Je veux te que touches ma bouche.

- Oh Dawn,

always trying to get men to touché her boobs.

Laugh all you want,

but we started Corey on French lessons when he was two.

You missed the boat with Viv and Felix.

How do you say condescending in French?

- Condescendant. - Hmm.

- Having fun with your cousins? - Sort of.

I tried to teach them about the maned wolf,

but they were just taking apart the bookshelf.

The Gio Ponti or the Theodore Alexandra?

Take your cousins down to the basement, please.

Yes, Mumsy.

Mumsy? What cheek!

Looks like everyone is misbehaving today.

The kids, the new employee who took two tea breaks.

So, anyway, um, I just remembered,

James and I are going to the Raptors game.

So fun. - Oh, the kids will love it!

- They're not coming.

But they would love to spend more time with Dawn Auntie and Uncle Bo.

I don't know. I love them so much, but they're so fragile.

- My kids are not fragile. - I meant my things.

Your kids are wonderful, but my poor house can't take much more.

No offence. - None?

I can take them. Have you heard of Laser Mania?

With the flashing lights and the cheap food and the laser tag?

You wanna go there? - Lasers, Bo?

Yeah, sounds like Bangkok in the '90s.

I mean, that's amazing. Thank you.

Morris is potty-trained, right?

- Yep. - Oh yeah.

Come on, kids, let's go!

They're gonna have so much fun.

With Bo. Chasing after them.

Alone. - Why are you talking...

in short... sentences?

I'm concerned it'll be too much for him.

Let's face it, all our kids are a bit wild.

Yeah, look at Corey vacuuming against the grain, like an animal.

Look, you know I love your kids,

and it's not their fault that they have trouble listening.

Would you rather I get out the wooden spoon, like Mom?

Oh, God, do you remember that?

Your mom hit you with a wooden spoon?

I mean, she never actually hit me,

but the spoon came out and I did whatever I was told.

But didn't she hit you once? She did.

Please, I was practically perfect.

Okay, I spilled lemonade once. I thought she hit you?

Oh, my God. She played us!

You know what you should try? The silent treatment.

Worked on me. The silence was both meditative

and soul crushing. - I think we're good.

Come on, kids, let's get outta here!

Okay, kids, TV off.

Viv, stop bouncing.

You said we could watch one more.

- Yeah, and it's almost done. - Okay, one more,

but then you stop watching.

You know what my know-it-all sister said?

- Hmm? - She said the kids run the house.

What? No, they're just spirited.

That's what I said. And we don't wanna crush their spirits, right?

- Can you guys talk quieter? - Yeah, I can't hear.

- Let's crush their spirits. - Yeah, a little bit.

This is a thing my mom used to do.

Ahem.

- Hey!

- We were watching that! - I said turn the TV off.

Now, clean your lunch boxes and your room, now.

Huh, what's that you're doin'?

It's a look my mom used to do. It's terrifying.

You look like you have to sneeze.

All right, you know what? Enough outta you.

We said now!

Let's just take a little... Um, what are we,

can I just, what is this? What's that?

- This is what my mom used to do. - Uh-huh.

I mean, she never actually, you know, made contact.

- Okay, good.

So, this is just empty threats.

I'm sorry, was your plan to look at them intently?

It's a little bit... Okay, kids just two seconds.

Which one's scarier?

What about this guy? Hey, I'm getting the eyebrows.

And now you don't know what to do.

Oh, you're so tough, you're so tough. Well, I--

We need you to know that we love everything about you, good and bad.

- We just wanna work together. - Yes.

Without yelling, or silly looks, or hitting with a spoon.

- You were gonna hit us? - So, now spoons are scary.

No. No one was gonna hit anyone.

But we need to make a change around here.

We tell you to do something, you do it.

And you know what? If you don't do it,

we're gonna take away a privilege.

You got it? - All right, let's try this out.

We would love if your room were clean before bed.

- Deal! - Deal!

Clear communication for the win.

Uh-oh, Morris has got the look.

Oh, not a problem. We're on a roll.

We got this!

Okay, well, we didn't get that.

Yeah, turns out clear communication works best

with a human being who knows lots of words.

Well, at least he fell asleep right after.

He must've been pooped.

Oh, you're so proud of that one.

So um, what privileges were you thinking

of taking away from the kids?

Uh, you know, TV, sweets, video games, fresh air.

Eye contact. The classics.

And what about Viv, who has poor impulse control?

Well, I dunno.

I mean, ADHD can't be an excuse not to do what we ask.

Look at you talking tough, like a big, mean daddy.

- No thank you? - I'm sorry.

- That was awful. - I hated it as it was coming out of my mouth.

Okay, I was gonna roll with it for you.

But I don't--

Snowball fight with socks!

What's going on in here? I told you guys to clean this room!

Freeze!

We just had a family meeting about this.

This is unacceptable. - It's our room.

We like it like this. - Yeah!

Excuse me, you remember what we talked about consequences?

No listening, no cleaning, no Laser Mania.

No fair! - Well, I'm afraid so,

'cause when this foot comes down, it stays down.

Ooh!

Also means no Raptors game.

No fair!

- Look at this!

Poop goes in the potty.

I believe in you, buddy. I believe in you.

Look at this little saw.

Look, there's a little saw for you to hold.

Before kids, bodily functions

weren't a common topic of conversation.

After kids, feels like the only thing you talk about.

Well, that was my last encore.

I don't think he's gonna go.

I know butts, it's only a matter of time.

"A" for effort, my dude.

Well, at least we have all afternoon to practice

since we're not going to the Raptors game.

- Yeah, about that. - No, James.

Uh-uh. No, James. No, no. You are not going without me.

I don't wanna go, I have to go.

It's work. It's-it's unpaid work, actually.

I mean, my boss is gonna be there.

I'm not gonna have any fun, I swear.

I can see your Raptors jersey through your shirt, James.

Well, in my defence, I did not know that!

You are staying here. You're the one who screwed up!

I was just trying to lay down the law.

And I gave you the look. We share a look.

I thought you were gonna take away TV for a week,

not launch all nukes. - Basketball fans,

are you ready for game night?!

No. No, we're not. Mostly because it's not night,

it's very, very early.

Yes, but I rented us a limo. Do a hoop.

- Oh no. - Come on, do a hoop.

I figure we go to Yorkville,

do some luxury shopping, maybe get some pregame steaks

at Harbour 60, then hit the game.

Are you trying to Pretty Woman us?

Ennis, we're not going to a basketball game

11 hours before it begins.

Well then, I guess the three of us

will just have to hang around here all day!

Let's do this! All right!

- No, no. - Ooh, hey.

Oh, your kids aren't here, are they?

Yes, yes, they are here. And they're bad so.

Okay, I'm so glad we're finally ready to talk about this.

Your kids are the worst. - They misbehaved.

So, we have to stay and punish them.

I don't understand, why do you have to stay here

if they're just standing in a closet?

Oh, my God, is that how your parents punished you?

Pff, my mom didn't put me in a closet all day

because I lost a hamster, okay?

There was lots of stuff going on that day.

Anyway, Finteka-ole, or however you say it.

- Fintekoäly. - They sprung for a box, okay?

Free food, free drinks.

You get to literally look down on people who have worse seats than you.

My limo is a stretch Hummer. You know the last time I was in a stretch Hummer?

My DJing days. - You made enough money as a DJ

to get a stretch Hummer? - He DJ'd inside

of stretch Hummers. - Ah.

You know the horn plays La Cucaracha?

Look, t-shirt cannons, little kids dancing,

old people dancing, sushi for everybody.

Let's go! - I know, it sounds amazing.

I want to go. Do you know how much I wanna see a slam dunk?

Do you know how long it's been since I've seen a live dunk?

Tonight, I'm probably missing six, seven, eight slam dunks.

Nine, if they play well. - Could be ten.

I could catch it on a replay. Won't be the same.

It's not the same! - Yeah, so in essence,

what we're saying is our kids need to be punished

and we need to stick to our guns.

Okay, here's what you do. You put a fresh battery

in the smoke detector and we walk away.

Oh!

I gotta take that. Think about it.

Hi, who's a sleepy little guy?

Yeah, you are. No, no. No rush to get up.

We're stuck here all day, thanks to Daddy.

Hey, buddy. Time to get up and realize

that Daddy was being a very good and smart parent,

and he just thought Mommy was on board.

Yes, Mommy was on board and she realizes

it's ultimately for the best.

Yes, it is ultimately for the best.

See, this is part of the sacrifice that one

has to make about being a parent.

- Now, a query. - Okay.

Is there a way for us to not walk back the punishment?

We would never, we would never, we would never.

But perhaps there is a way for us to get what we want.

- Hmm. - While also getting what we want.

- Ooh! - With a little guilt trip.

I love this. This is an effective thing.

Also, the engine that runs my life.

What kind of guilt trip were you thinking about?

All right, here's the deal.

First you're gonna clean your rooms,

then you're gonna clean your lunch containers,

and then, as a little break,

you're gonna do math for the rest of the day.

- Yeah, sorry,

you guys messed up and now we're just gonna up your math game by like 10,000%.

- Them's the breaks. - This is the worst day ever!

Yeah, no kidding! I just had to break the news to Uncle Bo, so.

- Oh, how did he take it? - Ooh, not good.

- Oh no. - Like, really bad actually.

I actually couldn't even hear him through the tears.

- Aw. - He was crying?

- She heard us!

Eek! - Hey, it was a good question though.

Okay, between us.

- Okay, don't tell Bo. - He was crying.

- Yeah. - Big time.

This actually meant so much to Uncle Bo,

so... he'll be sad forever.

- Forever? - Well, that's, let me,

I think it's a little too far. I wasn't on the phone,

but I don't think he said... He's gonna be fine.

The real question is, what can we do?

What can we do to help him... - Good question.

- ...out of the funk? - Yeah, well, I don't think

it's fair that Uncle Bo is punished for your mistakes.

So, I guess you could clean your room,

and then maybe... maybe at the end of it,

there might be a little treat,

but only if your room is spotless.

- What's the big treat? - Hmm. I don't know, but maybe,

maybe it's got something to do with lights and lasers.

Clean your room and you can go to Laser Mania.

Yes!

- I mean, this is... - I mean, incredible work!

Seems clean.

But is it?

Wow, that's actually amazing.

Ah, ba, ba, what is that?

Oh, these are my toy soldiers.

I put them there for storage. And I sorted them.

Hmm.

Shelves could use a dust.

Hmm. Carpets could use a shampoo.

But I feel like you guys worked so hard.

- Hmm. - So, maybe just this one time.

Sorry for cancelling and then uncancelling the plans.

No problemo. Just enjoy your game and do not worry about us.

Psst! Who's ready for an immersive experience?

- Here's some diapers. - What?

Yeah, so when I said that he was potty-trained,

what I meant was he's in training.

I am a potty sensei. If he's not trained now,

he will be by the end of the day.

- Thanks, Bo. - Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!

Give me the confidence of a man who's done something once.

Let our kid poop his pants, doesn't matter.

We're gonna to the Raptor game.

All right, well, we had some rough moments,

but uh, parents of the year back on track.

Yeah, we're tough when we have to be,

but we still let them live a life, you know?

Yes. And you know what? Tomorrow, we are gonna come up

with some firm rules and we are gonna enforce the hell out of 'em.

Just a suggestion, you know, tonight's gonna be a late night,

so maybe we start the day after tomorrow.

- Good thinking, my love. - Hmm.

The party bus is here. Wah, wah, wah!

- Okay! - On our way, buddy!

What, wait a minute.

Those little tricked us!

Okay, okay.

Hey, can I help ya?

Yeah, looking for a couple kids.

That sounded criminal. We're looking for our kids

who need to be punished. - About this high.

Can't be trusted. - Hmm.

Yeah, I can't give you access to kids.

Uh, we have a strict no weirdo policy here.

Those weirdos are with me.

Of course they are.

- Hey. - Hi.

Why are you here? And also, thank God you're here.

Bo, you're off the hook. Our kids betrayed us, they're going home.

I'm sorry, do you work here now?

No, Morris had a little accident,

and then he had a big one.

I need a new Belgian linen shirt anyway.

- Hey, Bo, where are our kids? - Oh, they're over there.

Watch him.

- Felix made me do it. - Did not!

Did so. I'm just a little girl.

We're not angry, we're just, we're disappointed.

- Oh, it's a classic. Nice. - And to be honest,

we're pretty angry, too. - Yeah, that's it.

We're going home. Right now.

No, please let us stay!

Please, please! - We're sorry!

I don't want you to spoon me!

- No one is getting spooned. - It's not a real--

Okay, listen, we are your parents.

And what we say matters and is not up for debate.

You're going home and you're cleaning your room.

End of story. And no screen time for a week.

And no ice cream. And no breakfast tomorrow.

- I mean, that's a bit much. - Yeah.

Breakfast will not be delicious.

All right, that's it. Give all your tickets to Corey.

Let's go. - What?

But I--

Okay.

There's a game where you murder aliens, with a gun!

Play it. Tell me everything.

- Okay! - Go get your brother.

Go.

You did the look. You did the look and it worked!

It worked! - I can scare our kids!

Punishing your kids

can feel like you're punishing yourself.

And sometimes, honestly, you deserve it.

Okay, math break over.

Upstairs and finish cleaning your room.

- How is doing math a break? - Upstairs. Go.

Can we have pizza for dinner?

Huh, pizza for dinner?

No, you're not gonna have pizza for dinner

'cause we're gonna have...

Uh, well, we forgot to plan dinner.

But you are not having pizza.

- Aw. - Yeah, that's right.

- Yeah. - We can do this is all weekend.

We can't! I hate this. I'm so bored.

Can we just let them watch a movie or something?

Can't we watch a movie while they clean?

You think Morris will ever remember A Quiet Place?

I don't know, it's quiet. Maybe he'll fall asleep.

Hey, Marla. How are ya? What's up?

They wanted us to have a good time.

That's why Fintekoäly invited us to the game.

Yep, well, mystery solved.

I'm sorry we couldn't make it, but uh--

A good time?! After one of the weakest quarters

in the last three quarters? I don't trust them.

Okay, well, I-I have to go, Marla, but just consider

that Fintekoäly is just trying to install some software

and they're not trying to take over the company?

Goodbye, James.

- Ooh, that is a parenting look. - Yeah, she got the stuff.

You know, I can't believe my mother used to control my whole life with a look.

I don't know, that look you did before was pretty scary.

Oh yeah? This guy?

That's a little De Niro.

- Are you talking back to me? - Okay.

I think it would work. Yeah. Um...

Pupils are always... - Yeah, I'm just...

I'm not, yeah, I don't feel anything from this.

Okay, what about you? I bet you can't even... You don't have a look.

- I got it, I got it. - Okay.

- Five, six, um...

I mean, your looks do make me wanna obey you.

Want me to get the spoon?