Original subtitles

Ugh!

Morris, for your information, Snoozy's mine!

You're being a burglar. Say burglar.

Viv, Mommy gave Snoozy to Morris to help him

get excited for potty training.

Why do you call yourself Mommy?

I... don't know.

Did you brush your teeth? - No.

Go on, I asked you three times.

Ugh!

Oh, well, well, well, if it isn't Mr.--

- Can I have coffee? - Scruffy head.

Ah! Blew my timing.

It was not my best. - What are you saying?

Felix, go brush your hair. It looks like you got

a scalp massage. - I can't hear you.

- Remove the headphones. - Dude, take the headphones off.

Okay, I'm going upstairs now.

He really needs to work on his sarcasm.

I mean, what was that?

A big part of parenting

is second-guessing your parenting.

In avoiding your parents' mistakes,

sometimes the pendulum swings too far the other way.

Right. My parents were hands off,

but maybe I've been too smothering?

Mm-hmm, my parents were too strict.

And I let the kids call me "stinky daddy".

Oh, I came up with stinky daddy, so uh, that's on me.

I'm not loving this tween attitude on Felix.

I mean, I'm all for rejecting authority, just not mine.

Yeah. Viv's seeing a psychologist,

Morris won't poop in a bucket.

Are we screwing things up? - What? No!

We got this. We're good parents.

Hmm.

Guys, Morris has an egg and a knife.

How did he get the knife?

- I thought we were out of eggs.

- Come here, come here. Oh! - Morris, come here!

James, the knife, get the knife.

Okay, you get the egg.

Did you get to fill out

Viv's ADHD questionnaire for her session today?

No. I haven't started it.

But there's-there's time.

The ADHD assessment is a complex

and involved process that really wants us

to fill out like, a lot of little circles.

Viv is six. I asked her how she's feeling today,

she said, "Unicorn". What answers is she telling the doctor?

Well, Shauna would know. She's a professional psychologist.

I'm sure she knows what Viv means...

- Shauna. - ...when she says unicorn.

- Oh, Shauna. - It's just a name.

I mean, she overpronounces her words.

Thinking-G, feeling-G.

I don't need to hear the "G" in "ing".

- Okay. - Thank you. All right.

"Forgets what they're doing, never, rarely, often, always."

I mean, who doesn't forget what they're doing?

I forget what I'm doing in the shower sometimes.

You're probably avoiding the children.

But Viv forgets what she's doing often.

See, I would say sometimes. This is it.

How is a questionnaire gonna assess Viv?

We're giving different answers.

Now, I have been doing some reading

about child behaviour and-- - What, wait, when?

Okay. I've been following parenting accounts on Instagram.

I love Instagram. So many good TikToks on there.

Viv has trouble with transitions,

so why don't we support her by giving her a simple

heads up when a transition's coming?

Viv, we're leaving in five minutes!

I can't find my colouring book!

Why don't you stop looking for it in two?

What was I looking for?

Okay, go ahead, put me down for an often.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and do that.

You wanna show me your drawings while we wait?

No. Why do we keep coming here?

Well, sweetie, Shauna is like a doctor

but for your thoughts and feelings.

So, this is just a normal checkup, but for your brain.

When can we get a dog?

Okay, you're not even listening.

Shauna!

I did the drawings I told you about.

Exciting-G! While I was waiting-G for you,

I got your cocoa, Viv. - Sorry we're late again.

Traffic was stupid.

Ugh, Toronto traffic is maddening-G.

Yeah. Hey um, can I talk to you for a moment?

Uh, so I was just wondering how the evaluation was going?

You know, Viv doesn't really tell us much.

What she does share is sometimes made up,

you know, she's invisible, or she's the president of the driveway, or...

I'm wondering is the information you're getting reliable?

I am getting-G information from a lot of sources, including-G, you.

Have you done your questionnaires?

Yeah, I finished 'em. Sorry they took so long.

- Oh! - They are...

- Okay. - Sorry, that one has coffee on it.

And butter. Can I just ask,

how do you know what's ADHD and what's just like, a kid?

I promise, I know what I'm doing-G.

Oh, so close!

So close. Can that be the last one?

Go for the Kawhi bounce. Check this out.

Is this the dagger?

Hey, how come you're so boring today?

I'm just trying to figure out what these Gero benefits get me.

I'll tell you what they do not cover is electrolysis.

And electrolysis is not what I thought it was.

We think Viv might have ADHD. Or I do.

Astrid thinks she's too young to be diagnosed.

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed as gifted.

- Oh. - I wasn't.

- Oh no? You... - The real gifted kids

would bully me in Latin. It was no bueno.

Really did a number on my head. Just be careful.

The building is on fire!

'K, so we should leave then, yeah?

Not literally on fire. But the flames of progress will scorch us.

You know Yennefer from The Witcher?

I... do not.

That kind of fire.

'K, well, speaking of being burned,

I'm trying to figure out these Gero benefits and I was wondering--

This is no time to book a foot massage, James.

Mr. Gero has hired Fintekoäly

to automate checkouts at Gero's Groceries.

We could be next. - What is Fintekoäly?

They're a tech company from Finland.

- Okay, that checks out.

Gero's wants to replace us with software.

We will fight the rise of machines.

We'll eat at our desks, work through breaks, wear diapers.

- Oh. - We are gonna outsmart

their artificial intelligence.

Get to work, Beth!

- Oof. - Starting to feel

a lot like my gifted days.

- How many days was that? - Like, four.

Man jugglers.

Okay, like some jugglers are impressive because of danger,

like they're juggling axes or fire.

Oh, uh, you don't have to take notes for this, by the way.

Oh, I'm not. I stopped listening

after you said street magicians are important.

Just trying to discredit all of child psychology.

- Is this for work? - Uh, no.

I'll finish my work later, after I start it.

I'm trying to find if this doctor has any bad reviews,

or pharmaceutical ties, or recorded Karen moments.

I've got an update.

I have an address, tax records, and I'm her LinkedIn friend.

I'm really starting to understand this woman.

Okay, I'm looking for some dirt, not to steal her identity.

Oh, she's so good. You'd be surprised

how many times she's catfished me.

- Is it 15? - It's 15!

What have you learned about Shauna?

Illegitimate degree? History of fraud?

Is she always wrong?

She's well liked, respected, and she donates to a donkey rescue.

- Aw. - I know.

But maybe I can find some dirt on her Spotify.

Ooh!

Sometimes, we need to have like,

a private conversation in front of our children.

So, we have to speak in a coded language we call Parentuguese.

You guys get it too. End pieces still avail.

So, I understand how somebody could think

they have the thing, but not actually have the thing.

- What thing? - Felix, finish your dinner.

Viv, come on, sit down, please. Sit down and finish your dinner.

I was also thinking about the thing.

Gus' parents let him drink mochaccinos.

That's insane.

So, at first I thought S was BS,

but I did some digging and it turns out

that S knows everything there is to know about the thing.

Now, S does really like the Red Hot Chili Peppers,

but I'm willing to let that one go.

You know, Ennis thought he had a thing

and he didn't have it. - Huh?

I mean, it's not the same thing, but like, still.

- Can I get a thing? - Can it be a dog?

Viv, back in your seat.

I asked you twice already. - Ugh.

You know, everyone I work with has some form of the thing.

And they all say that S is the best thing for the thing.

Gus says mochaccinos are lit.

Gus says the cutest things I've ever heard.

- Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Viv, back in your seat. Sit down.

Why doesn't Morris have to sit at the table?

Well, because Morris is in a high chair.

- He's gone. - What?

He's got the knife and egg again.

What? How? Where does he keep finding the eggs?

Thank you for being-G on time.

We are looking forward to diving in and listening.

And also talking, where appropriate.

We're-we're great. Thank you for... You didn't ask.

I-I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous because the...

See, my mother left me when I was young.

Yeah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

I see you nudging in your own trauma, Mr. Sneaky.

We're here to talk about Viv today.

Yes, you're right.

I'll just stuff that back... back, back, back down.

Um, we're really looking forward to hearing your expert opinion.

- So, Viv definitely has ADHD. - Says who?

My comprehensive clinical assessment.

Uh, yeah, no, we're... we're listening.

Yes. So, she is so bright and personable, okay?

She is very advanced in reading,

she has great humour and empathy.

But as you can see, here is the typical range

of behaviour for a kid her age, okay?

And these spikes here show where she is classically

a clinical ADHD kid.

Difficulty with executive functions.

I know the charts can be confusing.

No, I look at charts all day, so I, yeah, I see.

Okay. So, we'll put her in therapy,

um, once a month or once a week. - You could.

I don't know how much help that would be at her age.

I would highly recommend meds.

I think you will notice a huge difference

once we get the correct dosage. - I'm sorry, no, no.

Absolutely not. - Well, we said we would listen

to the expert's advice.

But this is brain altering meds.

Okay, you have a tough decision

hanging-G over you, so let's discuss it.

Oh, we're gonna discuss it so you can talk us into drugs

like we're at one of your Chili Pepper concerts?

I don't think so. - All right.

Do you have a method for making tough decisions?

- Ahem. - We tend to do

a little bit of a "rock, paper, scissors" kinda thing.

That we... - Which we would never do

in a situation like this. - No, we would not do...

Because the stakes are so much higher.

Right.

Here we go.

Pancakes!

Yes, this is a remix version of Mommy's famous

buttermilk pancakes with no sugar, or flour, or buttermilk.

- What? - Hmm, and what will this solve?

Well, according to my research--

- Social media sites? - Yes, highly reputable Momfluencers.

- Right, right, right. - There are certain ingredients

that trigger ADHD symptoms more than others,

so kids love pancakes, they're obviously never gonna taste the difference.

This is egg, banana, and they're good, I think.

- M'kay. - This tastes like punishment.

No, instead of being light and fluffy like a pancake,

these are wet and squishy, mm, like a... mistake.

- Can I have some maple syrup? - I don't know.

Does it have sugar in it? - I hope so.

- I'll just have toast. - Okay, let's wrap it up.

Come on, guys, you're gonna be late. Let's go.

But the toast. - Come on, come on.

- Go on, go on. - Let's go, let's go, let's go.

I know there are studies about how ADHD meds work.

How many weird pancake studies are there?

We don't even know what the drugs do.

What if they make her a zombie or not Viv?

Ah, time for a change.

What's all this about? - Oh, I decided to try that tapas place.

Well, isn't tapas like a bunch of little shared plates for sharing?

Yeah, but I got the bachelor's tapas.

It's like a bunch of one-night stands for your mouth.

And I won't be calling any of them back.

What do you have there?

Oh, I've got a cold, grey pancake. Wanna share?

Did your kids make that for you?

Is it Father's Day? Oh, I gotta text my dad.

No, Viv's got ADHD and the doctor's recommending meds

and Astrid's not into it. So, we're trying this thing

where we remove the joy from our food to see if that helps.

- Pff. - So, if an optometrist

tells you that you need glasses, you'd say,

"Thanks for the advice, Doc,

but I think I'll try an enema."

Stupid.

What do you know about it, Beth?

Yeah, Beth, what do you know?

Try "everything". I happen to have ADHD,

unlike you two goons. And IBS.

And sometimes depression, astigmatism, fibromyalgia,

and I'm prone to getting carsickly.

I've been on meds practically my whole life.

I wouldn't be here today without them.

So, do your ADHD meds, do they like,

turn you into a zombie, at all, or like, extinguish your spark?

Sorry, what do I look like, "Girl, Interrupted"?

Do you guys even know what I do on the weekends?

Hello? I'm a majorette!

You ever seen a zombie twirl a baton?

Eh, no.

What's the deal, she can just hear everything we're saying?

Are we screaming? We're being quiet, right?

It's acoustics, is that the deal?

Look, if you're so worried about side effects,

why not test them out on yourself first.

These wear off after like, eight hours.

Uh, I'm so sorry. This is all I had.

I didn't know you'd be joining us for lunch, Astrid.

I haven't seen you since your trip to Europe.

I've been practicing on Duolingo.

I was able to fire people in four languages.

Sei licenziato, Tommaso

I'm sure that felt very authentic to Tommaso.

Grazie.

Astrid, do you have a headache?

Oh, you look like you have a headache.

That face you're making.

Nope.

Viv's doctor wants us to give her meds,

which James agrees with, which is crazy, right?

Totally crazy. I hear reiki and exercise are best.

You can't sweat out ADHD.

Do you remember Barb Huang, our vet, who developed

Foreign Accent Syndrome right after her dental surgery?

- She wasn't really Irish? - Her daughter had terrible

psoriasis until she started taking anti-organ rejecting pills.

Mom, that's not the same thing.

Why? It's medicine and it helped her.

Take it from a nurse, drugs work.

- Hey, sorry I am late.

I was recruiting some hotshot crocheters at a retirement home.

Bo, when you had your mental breakdown, did you take drugs?

Thanks for bringing it up. Yes.

- Oh. - But they didn't work.

Meditation, peyote, and a trip to Joshua Tree

was what realigned my life.

The right meds are effective.

But with side effects.

Stop complicating this with nuance.

Okay, I should go. - Okay.

Can I take some of this meat home?

I'll get you a doggy bag.

My mouth is so dry.

Ennis?

You feel a bit clammy, a bit headachey?

Actually, I've never felt quite so clear in my life.

I don't know why I was avoiding doing work for so long.

It is very interesting, and a little bit fun.

My stomach hurts. I don't think Beth's meds are agreeing with me.

Gentlemen. Thank you for taking the threat

of Fintekoäly seriously and working so hard today.

Marla, I am in the zone.

You're gonna have to stay in the zone for the next

few months at least. I'm proud of you, Ennis.

Proud of him? His parents aren't even proud of him.

What are you looking at? Get back to work.

How's the science experiment going, boys?

- I feel gross. - Well, that'll teach you

to take meds that aren't prescribed for you.

You're the one who said it was okay.

Hey, how long does this medication take before it wears off?

I'd like to go pick up some of those intellectual babes in HR

before I turn back into a pineapple.

Ooh, I think it might have already happened, my man.

- Oh. - There he is.

Oh, I've just been typing gibberish.

- You awake? - Yeah.

I'm just thinking about all the ways we could screw up Viv's life,

before I close my eyes and have actual nightmares about it.

I know! I can't figure it out either. I feel awful.

But also, I might be coming down

from those ADHD meds, so I'm not sure.

So, after being a guinea pig,

you still wanna give her the meds?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Maybe they'll help her?

Yeah.

I know, it just feels so wrong.

Hi. I can't sleep.

I think it's because I took a sip of Dad's coffee this morning.

I didn't give it to him. You know how many half-finished

cups of coffee we leave around here?

- Is Viv sick?

I heard you guys talking about medicine.

No, everything's fine, pal.

Yeah, I mean, there are some geopolitical problems happening globally.

- James. - Yeah.

Viv got moved to the front of the class

at school for being a distraction.

She thinks she's in trouble. - She's not in trouble.

Everything is fine, pal. - Mm-hmm.

You're a good brother for being worried about your sister, you know that?

Come here.

Eh, there we go, there we go.

There it is, there it is.

Put an arm up, there. - Oh, okay, okay. Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Can I listen to a podcast?

Uh, no, you can go to bed.

But I will not check on you for 10 minutes.

He hugged back. - Still our little guy.

- Yeah. - Stinks a bit.

Ah, man!

- One! - Oh!

Oh, my God!

Morris is down for his nap which gives us between

10 and 200 minutes to play a board game or shoot a movie trailer.

- Movie trailer! - Viv, what do you wanna do?

Uh, I didn't hear what you said.

That's okay, um... - That's okay.

Seriously?

This is why I keep getting in trouble at school.

Why do I keep doing this?! - Hey, hey.

You're not in trouble, kiddo.

Um, okay.

So, Viv, remember when you went to see Shauna,

you guys were playing the games? - And drink hot chocolate.

She learned something about you that might um, change things a bit.

- Viv, you have ADHD. - It's a totally normal thing.

It just means that your brain works a bit differently.

I know that. Four kids in my class have it.

Six kids in my class have it.

And this one kid has anxiety. And this other kid has red hair.

Okay. Um, do you have any questions?

Do you know if egg rolls have eggs in them?

Okay, I think she's handling this pretty well.

- Can I be done the meeting? - Me too.

- Okay. - Okay, kids, yeah.

They handled that better than we did.

Oh, we are handling it great.

Just trying to help Viv navigate a thing that we barely understand.

Yeah, but I actually have an idea that'll help Viv navigate,

that you're not gonna like. - Is it pills?

It's worse?

Sometimes, you ask yourself, am I doing something wrong-G.

No! The frontal lobe is responsible

for our executive functions, okay?

And is underdeveloped in people with ADHD.

So, it is the parents' job

to act as the executive functioning-G for the child.

The brain continues to develop until age 28.

That, that actually makes sense

because I was very self-destructive until I was 28.

Which is about the time my mother came back--

No, no, no. Mommy, no.

- Yep, yep, yep. - But destruction can lead

to a very rough road.

But also breeds creation.

You know who said that?

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Yeah, they also said Catholic schoolgirls rule.

Pretty gross. - Okay, we don't...

we don't need to... - All right, I'm gonna give you

some tools and techniques to help Viv realize her full potential.

The first technique is called scaffolding-G.

Scaffolding-G.

Okay, so you take all of the things in your house.

It's a good thing kids don't need perfect parents,

because there aren't any. Exactly.

I let Felix watch part of a John Wick movie

before bed once and he was not ready.

What? Why did you do that, James?

Of course he wasn't ready for John Wick.

I'm just illustrating that we are not perfect.

Oh, yeah!

Anyway, you learn from your mistakes.

And what you do learn is mostly useless

for the next kid 'cause they're a completely different person.

But you get better at learning.

And we're the biggest majorette coalition in the province.

- No way! - We're thinking of unionizing.

- Oh wow, is that possible? - Yeah, well, if there wasn't

people dragging us back, like Brenda.

Brenda, who steals peoples' routines.

And her routine is really hack,

even though she stole it from me. It wasn't hack when I was doing it.

Like, she wrecked it because she stole it from you?

Yeah, because she's putting her Brenda spin on it.

You know what? It's really actually getting really dramatic around there.

And you'd think, with all the batons twirling around,

there'd be a few more broken legs, but there's not.

But there will be. - You know...

Lunch has been over for hours.

But anyway, Gail, my mentor. She's gonna get us to nationals.

Right. Is she the one that went missing?

- No, that was my first mentor. - Sorry.

And I have been cleared for that.

I've got an alibi. - I believe you.

- I shouldn't say too much here. - Okay.