Original subtitles

Well, look at us. We're outside before 10:00 AM

on a Saturday. It's a miracle.

-Rejoice. -It's 10:15, actually.

We were outside before 10:00.

It's not my fault that we had to go back

to the house to get bicycles.

And then, again, to get scooters and stuff.

-Daddy? -Yes?

Can you attack us when we get to the park?

Yes. But you can't catch us, but you have to try.

And I'm an astronaut.

Okay. I'm an astronaut-eating goblin. Hello.

Oh, you better run, you better run!

I didn't know that you said no more juice.

If I had known that, then I wouldn't have given them

-more juice. -But once you did know that,

you still gave them more juice.

Because I was trying to get them out of the house.

But it undermines my parenting.

It's like you're the main parent, I'm the side parent.

-I'm thirsty. -Yeah alright.

-Your dad will get your water. -Yeah. You're the boss.

[Astrid] Even a loving, supportive relationship is gonna have

moments that make you wanna put your teeth through your nose.

[James] So, you can either have an argument or get away from each other,

and then have a calm... argument.

[Astrid] Either way, there's a simple path to a resolution.

- [James] But when the kids are around-- - [Astrid] Which is always.

[James] T hat path becomes more complex.

[Astrid] And you--you don't wanna hash things out in front of your kids.

[James] You can't necessarily get away from each other.

[Astrid] So, the anger kind of bubbles out

in passive-aggressive ways.

Looky, looky.

Who put that there?

-[Felix] Daddy? -Mm-hmm.

Why aren't you and mommy talking?

-We are. -Yeah.

-Hi. -Hello.

All right, kids. Scoot ahead.

Sometimes it does feel like you're the side parent

when I--Viv, watch out.

When I make the snacks, you're the one that's making up

a fun rap with Felix.

Viv, watch out for the curb.

Nice moves, Felix.

-I see you. -Yeah. Really well done.

I see. So, filling the kids up with juice just to make

them happy, that's okay.

But-- I'm a goblin. I'm coming to get you.

-Nyaaa! -[Felix screams]

But coming up with a rap with a surprisingly good flow

with my son, that's off the table.

-Interesting. -You rhymed "cake" with "hail."

James is looking at real estate.

-Hey, no. I'm on my five-minute break. -Busted.

I was just-- what am I explaining this to you for?

You went for coffee an hour ago.

Yeah, 'cause the coffee here sucks.

You know how many emails I've written that we need to get a new coffee machine?

I just don't know who to send them to.

-Thank you for the coffee. -Well, hey, not for you.

-Text me next time. -I can't.

Astrid took my phone again, without asking me, again.

So, you're moving away from her?

No. This is a family home.

Five-bedroom, two-bath, big backyard, finished basement.

Oh, it's like a movie star.

Yeah. But it's so far away from the city.

This is like witness relocation territory.

If a mob rat can get a new start, why not us?

-Because... -James, answer your phone.

Oh, I think I left it at home.

You left your phone at home? What next? No shoes?

Nintendo at your desk?

Astrid needs it to soothe the baby.

I have a premium app and it's like white noise.

That's what's this excuse is, white noise.

Marla, I got you a Misto.

Pretty thoughtful.

We have a lettuce crisis on the horizon.

We have to recall 200 units of romaine

before they hit the shelves.

"Lettuce" take care of it.

We'll "endive" right into it.

-It's E. coli. -Okay. Yeah.

Well, we're gonna get into that. Thank you. [clears throat]

"Thanks for the coffee, Ennis. It's very nice of you."

"Oh, no problem, Marla."

Hey. You know what you should do?

Get your place evaluated,

because then it might be worth than you're thinking,

then you don't have to move so far away from me.

Oh. That's--okay, I will get it evaluated.

You know, because if it's an inconvenient distance,

that's--that's gonna be it for us.

Okay.

[pop-up dings]

-Not now... -[others laughing]

Nice yard.

Are they kidding me?

Something's the funniest over there.

You guys watching Adventure Time again?

A person's asking what kind of police presence

the World Cup will have.

And we're like, "How about none?

Police don't make people feel safe."

[Astrid] Totally.

But we need the police to enforce HOV lanes,

for example, for people who are coming in from outside

the city so that they're not in a gridlock.

-Right. -We should encourage bicycling

-instead. -Mm-hmm.

-[text alert] -But is that what our job is?

Well, it could be.

But is it?

It should be.

-Both these ideas are great. -[text alert again]

I don't know which one's right.

[cell phone ringing]

Mom, what is it? I'm at work.

I was trying to text you.

Graham fell down a ravine while forging for mushrooms.

I understood every word of that and yet,

I'm gonna need you to go ahead and repeat it.

Graham is in the hospital.

You need to come take the baby so I can go.

Did you call James? He's not answering.

Hurry!

I have to go work from home.

I have to help my mom, and apparently,

my husband's job is more important than mine.

Mom, I can't keep coming home like this.

You know, it's very hard for a woman

to get respect at work if people know she cares about her family.

A man fell down a ravine, Astrid.

And James just was ignoring your phone calls?

And my emails. But don't be too hard on him.

-Why the hell not? -Well, fine.

Just don't go to bed angry.

Should I also fetch his slippers when he comes in?

Make sure there's a cold wine in the fridge for my man?

Graham and I always wake up smiling at each other.

It might be love...

if he's alive.

I'll text you if he's not.

[Felix] Viv, can you come here for a second?

Hey. Quick question, how much do you think our house is worth?

-[Felix] Can you come? -Also, hello.

Viv?

Sorry, I'm a little late.

I just had a quick drink with Ennis after work.

A quick drink? Wow. That must be so nice.

Good thing I got everything under control.

Yeah. No need to check in or answer my mom's phone calls.

Yeah. You know, you have my phone.

Oh, right.

You have the white noise machine.

All right. What about all the emails marked urgent?

The last time your mother sent me an email

marked urgent, it was about quiche.

I need batteries, please.

My walkie-talkie is out.

Batteries are upstairs. You and Felix gonna have

a little chitchat?

I use both with different voices.

All right. Come on, my little astronaut.

[clears throat] Hey. These are doors that open and close.

There's no ice.

Tray's cold though.

Maybe we'll put the tray in my water.

[Astrid] When you're on the edge of a fight,

every annoyance feels heightened.

[James] Like empty toilet paper rolls or an empty gas tank.

[Astrid] I put five dollars in.

That's enough to get to the gas station.

[James] You were at the gas station.

Why didn't just put the--argh.

Anyway, you start to keep score

of all the things that piss you off.

[ding]

[Astrid] The more points you have,

the more ammunition there is for the next argument.

[James] That's how arguing about one thing

turns into fighting about everything.

[ding]

[Astrid] You could even argue about the way

-that you're arguing. - [ding]

-So meta. - [James] It's an awful game

that no one wins.

[Astrid] Except for always me.

[ding]

-Hi. -Hey.

My mom said we shouldn't go to bed angry.

My mom said she once saw a yeti.

My mom and Graham wake up the exact

same time, grinning at each other.

For some reason, that made me think of the movie Hereditary.

Because it's disturbing.

-I'm tired. -Me too.

I did the laundry. It was your turn to make the bed.

I kind of had my hands full while you had a quick beer.

["Brahm's Lullaby" plays]

Hey.

[car alarm sounds in distance]

My phone cannot be the family phone.

I don't wanna pick up your socks.

You left crusty containers in the sink for me

to wash and recycle and I have to use

so much water to wash and recycle them,

then it defeats the point of washing and recycling them.

I don't wanna pick up your socks.

I can't sleep.

Come on, baby. Get in.

-Yay. -Okay. You know what?

Why don't I just sleep in Viv's room?

-That's a great idea. -You know what?

I might grab my phone from the nursery on the way.

Another great idea.

Hey. Well, can you check your email while you're at it?

Are you guys doing a play?

Just getting breakfast.

Mommy's loud before she's had her coffee.

What about you guys? Are you happy?

-I'm normal. -I had an amazing sleep.

[strained laughter] How good for you.

Hey, what do you think about going to watch some cartoons?

-Yes. -Oh, boy.

No, no. You're supposed to clean your room

before you get any screen time today.

Be nice if I knew that.

I'm not your assistant. Go on upstairs.

Clean your half of the room like you said you would.

Daddy, you promised I would paint your nails this morning.

I know I promised that, sweetie, but--you know what?

That sounds like a great idea. Let's go do that.

Okay.

What should I be for Halloween?

[chuckles] Well, we only have six months to decide.

So, do you wanna start a little list?

How about a witch covered in blood?

I'm not crazy about blood,

but I--I think witches are cool.

How about a gold medallist?

Yeah. That's a great idea. I love it.

Covered in blood.

[text alert]

I saved the middle finger for last

because I know what the means.

Go away.

Uh-huh.

Don't you like your nails?

Oh, are you kidding, baby girl? Look at these.

Gorg!

Switch for me, sweetie pie.

Okay. Let me just...

[text alert]

[text alert]

-Mom, your phone. -I hear it.

Is that one of those air duct people again?

No.

Excuse me. How do you make blood?

Your bones make blood.

-Read a book once in a while. -I don't wanna read.

I want to be an Olympic witch with blood.

Yeah, right.

You really think they would let a witch play sports?

Let me do the thing I made up.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Let's just--guys, why don't you play out front

for a second while your mother and I have a conversation?

Go outside like daddy said, but out back.

[Viv groaning]

So, you seem to have a lot

of thoughts about how I conduct myself.

No. I told you how the things you sometimes do make me feel.

You're in therapy, so, I feel like it's an unfair advantage.

You should do therapy.

-It's great. It's normal. -I wrote you a text.

I know it's normal. I wrote you a text.

I would like to read it to you. [clears throat]

"Astrid, I know it's been a tense couple of days

and it's been hard to take--" that's typo--

"talk with the kiddos around.

When I was hopping--" that's a typo--

"hoping to--yeah, this whole thing is typos.

Also, it's covered in nail polish.

Okay. I feel like you are stressed and frustrated at work,

and then you come home and take it out on the only

other adult in this house.

Yeah. You're right.

Thank you. That was hard to say.

You need to check in more.

You just do things, and then you tell me

about it later, and it's really frustrating.

I hear you. And I absolutely--

this is a bad time and also a good time to say

that I booked an appraisal with a real estate company.

What? James, when?

To--just soon, soon, soon.

Today.

Where's my phone? I need to send another text.

It's the company that Ennis's dad uses.

It's gonna be so quick and so professional.

It's just like a quick in and out.

Quick and profesh'.

[knocking on door]

Hi. Hi. Jen.

From when I told you that you were pregnant,

remember me?

-Oh, my God. -Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not pregnant again. Well, that I know of.

I'm actually here because I have my real estate license.

I'm sorry. How, how long have you been doing this?

Oh, for months.

-But how, how many months? -Four months.

Though, I did break my ankle mini-golfing.

So, this is my first ever "eval."

I saw your name and your address.

I said I knew you.

Let's slap a price tag on this townhouse.

-Semi-detached. -Oh.

Price just went up. It's that easy.

Just a... just the one bathroom?

Yeah. It's real cozy.

Is there a second toilet somewhere?

Do we have a toilet just out

in the middle of a room somewhere? No.

Okay-dokay.

What are you doing?

Well you said that we'd explore this together.

We are gonna be exploring PTSD remedies.

Moving with three kids, the--the boxes,

the packing, the unpacking, my job?

It's too much for us to handle right now.

Okay.

Honestly, your home has doubled in value since you bought it.

Doubled the amount, in, like, money?

Oh, yeah. I mean, a good area, parking spot.

The market's detached from reality.

Three bedrooms.

I mean, I knew we would-- we would be up there.

I just didn't know we--we were sitting on a giant pile of money.

Okay. Okay.

But now, imagine what a bigger house is gonna cost.

Unless you leave the city. So, I--I've got a house.

It's--it's about to come up on the market.

Big yard, a room for every kid,

and an office or a massage room. It's your call.

We're gonna--we'll mull it over.

-I--yeah. Thank you. -Yeah, mull that over.

No. Absolutely. But mull this?

And this is--okay.

-How much-- -Wow.

-How much is that? -Oh, it's within your budget.

I mean, unless you owe somebody money.

Been there. Still there.

Anyways, it goes up tomorrow.

You wanna see it first?

-Um... -[sighing]

-Okay. -Oh, my gosh.

This is so exciting. Yes.

Oh. Do you guys wanna maybe carpool to save on gas,

or should I get another Uber?

Drive wasn't terrible.

Thought it would take two Scoot McDooby albums

to get here, but it barely took one.

Well, it's 10:00 AM on a Saturday.

In rush hour, we need the entire Scoot catalogue and the mix tape.

Maybe I could work virtual-from-home full-time.

And am I just supposed to commute every day or...

I don't know. But--but I mean, there's a lot of reasons

to say no to something big.

But look at this place. Look at it.

-Tag. You're it. -Oh, kids, be careful.

Watch out for the...

bees.

Okay. So, the owners said that they'll wait outside

while you look around.

They just ask that you don't take any pictures

of the artwork and don't take anything from the fridge.

Kids, let's go pretend we live here for a minute.

So, closet space, storage space in the basement,

massage room, beautiful in-ground pool for the kids.

And the seller is motivated.

Yeah. She certainly seems interested in our walk through.

Hey, get! Get! So sorry.

She can be a bit much, but she has a beautiful home.

I love the-- I wanna say cheetahs.

That's actually a leopard.

You can tell by the rosettes.

[Felix] I get the better room.

-[Viv] Which one's better? -The one you want.

I'm just gonna make sure they don't go into one closet.

Definitely taking pictures of these paintings.

Imagine Felix, Viv, and Morris growing up here.

-Did you just call him Morris? -Andrew. Sorry,

Andrew growing up here,

biking through the neighborhood, the quiet.

Hold up.

This is Jen's parents' place.

What?

She painted these warped cats.

That's crazy.

Almost as crazy as staying in her current home

instead of selling it, moving here happy

and safe and pocketing a ton of money.

I'm not moving into Jen's parents' house.

I don't want Viv growing up in Jen's bedroom,

and finding her diary in the floorboards,

and then painting weird pictures of cats.

Stop writing a creepy YA novel about this house.

If you grow up in this house, it don't end well.

How do you even--look, this house is everything we could ever want.

-What are you talk-- -And look--

We haven't even been upstairs.

It could be crawling with mice or asbestos.

Are you just gonna leave--sorry.

What do I have to do to get you to close a cupboard door?

I do close it after I put everything away

so I don't have to do it twice.

You didn't put anything in there or take anything out.

-That time I forgot. -[Andrew fussing]

You know what you do?

You leave all your beard trimmings in the bathroom sink.

And just so you know, the toilet paper needs

a Chelsea, not a mullet.

-What is a Chelsea? -The paper

hangs forward like a Chelsea.

That doesn't explain to me what a Chelsea is.

Look, you brush all your hair into the corner of the tub.

Also, what is that cheese grater thing

in the shower that's taking up all that space?

For the last time, Google it.

[sucking teeth]

That's how you do that.

[bike bell ringing]

Nice, nice, nice moves.

Nice moves. Get it. Get it.

Get it. Hit it. Kick it. Stick it.

All right, kids.

Go burn off some energy before the ride back.

Run to the end of the block.

Dad, you wanna burn some energy?

I burnt all mine in 2010. You go ahead.

I think I feel obligated to explore buying a house

because you never shut down the baby conversation.

Yeah. And I feel like when you feel obligated

to do something, you don't do it.

Good observation.

True.

But, you know, you stayed with the baby conversation and now,

we have a little more-- more to love in terms of kids.

Mmm... And you were right about the baby.

I love this baby.

It might be my favourite baby.

Don't tell the others.

But you were also right about the baby because,

three is a lot harder.

I just feel like I'm failing sometimes.

I feel like I'm failing all the time.

But this house might help.

It's less mortgage, more space.

I could work from home.

Maybe.

I could convince the homeowner to knock the price down a bit.

Hi!

Hello.

How much could she knock it down?

Let me put some booze in her coffee and find out.

[Astrid] Love is close to anger.

The people you're closest to are the ones that get

under your skin the most.

First and best.

-[Viv] No. -And tallest.

-No, you're not. -Yes, I am.

-Okay. Okay. -All right.

-Let's just--okay, guys-- -Let's--we'll take it down a notch.

[James] In a family, feelings are bound to get hurt,

-buttons pushed. - [Astrid] Oh, my God.

Socks left on the floor.

[James] My feet have been getting really hot.

But--but, no, that's not your problem.

I'll work on it.

[Astrid] If you don't want your kids to see you fight, you gotta decide

when to let it slide and when to have it out.

[James] As hard as those conversations are to have,

some great things come from them.

-Hi, Jen. - [Jen, on phone] Hi.

Hi. We're--we're ready to make an offer.

Pinch me. Am I dreaming? I don't know.

[Astrid] And then, you go to bed not angry.

[James] Like your mom and her boyfriend.

[Astrid] I don't wanna picture that, James.

- [James] Sorry. Sorry. - [Astrid] I forgive you.

["Brahm's Lullaby" playing]

♪ I love my kids, but kids ruin everything ♪

♪ Kids ruin everything ♪

♪ I love my kids, but kids ruin everything ♪

♪ Kids ruin everything ♪

♪ No more sleeping in ♪

♪ I got kids in my face ♪

♪ I never knew, but now I see ♪

♪ Children ruin everything ♪

♪ I never knew, but now I see ♪

♪ I really hate this sh...♪