Original subtitles

Mmmm...

- It’s Saturday. - Mm-hmm...

What do you wanna do this weekend?

Sleep in.

Then...I don’t know...Brunch.

Oh...yeah, we could go to Kensington Market,

or we could walk around Trinity Bellwoods?

- Oh, yeah...

And then...come home? Take a nap?

- Before kids, weekends were for

sleeping in and doing what you felt like:

brunch, booze, and hanging out.

- Good morning!

- Wake up, sleepyheads! - Wake up...!

- Now, weekends are a mad scramble

of chores you didn’t finish during the week.

- And making sure your kids are fed,

exercised, and entertained.

- Can we try to catch a squirrel today, and what’s for breakfast?

- Maybe, and I don’t know.

- Can I spend all my birthday money?

Can I dye my hair, please?

- Probably not, and definitely not.

This weekend’s already pretty jam-packed as it is.

[baby crying]

There he is!

Viv! Let’s go. Let’s go, c’mon.

- More quality time to connect, but there are lessons,

and playdates, and so many birthdays.

I’m amazing at laser-tag now.

- You’re supposed to let the kids win on their birthdays--

- I’m giving the gift of humility!

- OK. You end up feeling like a chauffer,

driving the kids from place, to place, to place.

- And that quality time that you were hoping for

goes up in flames as your weekend becomes

a two-day physical and emotional obstacle course

that leaves you exhausted.

- But, if you make it till Monday, you get

five days of work to recharge until the next weekend.

You thought we forgot you?

Well, we did.

- Okay, last item. We’re almost done, Marla?

- You’re almost done. I work late on Fridays

and start early on Mondays.

Okay. So, the canned bananas, they arrive in three weeks.

- They’re not just "canned bananas," James.

They’re "Cananas," a Baggie’s Buys exclusive.

Put some respect on it.

- Well, uh, there’s not enough room in the warehouse for them,

so we’re going to have to stack them

a little bit higher than we normally do.

- Are you willing to accept the danger? The carnage?

- Can you explain the carnage?

- A can falling from that height will kill a man

faster than a Dracohydra fighting a level-one paladin.

- Can you...continue to explain? - Accidents are

the fourth-leading cause of death in this country.

- They are? - Especially for kids,

which have even fewer "hit points."

- Yes, they are very frail.

- This morning I hurt Felix’s shoulder by hugging him.

- You’ll be back in the office next week?

That was not meant to sound like a question.

- Yes, uh, have a good weekend!

- I’ll be here till mid--

- Hey! Okay, that’s ...hot coffee.

- ...but if I have to use labels,

I would say my socials are my actual work,

my job keeps me grounded,

and my passion is espresso-making.

- So, is that a "yes, we do have enough public toilets

for the World Cup," or "no, we do not"?

- Yes.

And no, right...?

- Wow! Look at that, almost 5:30.

How ’bout we, uh, take the weekend to mull this over,

hit the ground running on Monday?

- Yes, love that.

- Great. - Hey, any big weekend plans?

- Yes! Y’know, laundry, groceries,

hanging out with my kids, who I miss.

- I never see my nephew.

I should really see him more.

- You guys close? - No.

- Anyway, if I leave now, I can probably

get home in time for dinner, so...

- Oh! Oh, whoa,

this is some problematic positioning on my part.

You are free to leave.

Please get some serious R&R after this grind of a week.

- Yeah, I’ll make the most of my 30 minutes in traffic

before I’m back on the Mom-clock.

- Yeah, interesting, I read this article

about this new thing families in Portland are doing,

where you have kids, but your life doesn’t change.

- Hey, can you forward that article to my nipples?

- Uh, hundo-P. - Have a great weekend!

- Namibougie!

- I’m a Namibougie! You’re Namibougie!

Ow!

- Namibougie! - Who’s a Namibougie!?

- You’re a namibougie! - You’re a namibougie!

- We’re all namibougie!

- Hi!

Anyone want to explain to mom what a...

namibougie is?

- You had to be there.

- OK, guys, snack time!

- Snack time! - Snack time!

- Was that shade? - No, no. You’re cool.

- What’s a namibougie? - Mmm...

- Hello! - Hi.

- It’s a stand-in for "butt burger," which I outlawed.

- You run a tight ship. - Mm-hmm.

- They are getting so funny. Like, actually funny.

Felix does this impression of his teacher now that’s like...

I tried to take a video of it, but...

- Oh, yeah, he still won’t let us take pictures.

- Uh, what’s with the rocks? - Oh...

That is for Viv’s business!

- Viv’s starting a business? - Mm-hmm!

- She even sorted them into categories!

Long, sharp, dark...

ten dollars...

- It’s a safe activity.

- I need to spend more time with them!

I, I feel like I’m missing everything!

Why don’t we do something together

as a family this weekend?

- Felix is going to Wonderland with Gus’ family.

They sent me an invoice!

- Ugh! - $60 for admission,

plus $40 for food, gas, and "incidentals."

- What is that, like, wear and tear to their car?

Their cell phone bill for the day?

Let’s cancel!

Okay? Felix needs to be with us.

His own, better, not-weird family.

- But that seems like a... tough sell.

- He’s going to be fine. James, we’re his parents.

We don’t need to "sell" him on anything.

Hey...

What’cha up to?

- Making a list of cool rides.

- Love that shirt. - You bought it.

- You know what we should do tomorrow?

Something fun together as a family.

- I’m gonna be riding on rollercoasters all day.

Nothing beats that.

- I’m here!

- Okay, but Felix, would you rather

go to Wonderland with Gus and his parents, or...

Or! - Mmm.

- Be part of a big family adventure,

with us, together,

that may not be as exciting as Wonderland,

but will be more special.

- Yay! - Eh! She knows it.

- What’s the adventure?

- Big adventure to... be determined.

- Mm, the word "adventure" is doing

a lot of the heavy lifting here.

- Family meeting! Let’s make it cozy!

Hey!

- Alright, I did some power-researching

while we were getting changed, and...ta-dah!

- Ta-dah! - What?!

- Ta-dah! - Three "ta-dahs"?

- Move over, Wonderland. New adventure in town.

- Are those ponies?! - Yes.

They’re ponies, and we can ride them!

And then, look, they also take you on a scenic trail!

- So a small pony, so if you fall off...

don’t, don’t fall off. - Ponies are real?

- Yes, Wonder girl, you’re thinking of unicorns.

- Unicorns are real.

They live in Australia and they eat snakes.

- Yep, like spaghetti. - Yep.

- Imagine all of us in the woods on ponies,

riding through like a cowboy family.

- Ponies! - What do you think, Felix?

Alright...

It’s fine. Sorry, I’m just...

I’m forcing it, because I haven’t seen you all week.

Honestly, I don’t want anyone to do anything they don’t wanna do.

- I want to ride the ponies.

- I think she’s talking about your brother.

- We’ll do something together soon.

- I wanna go.

- You wanna go on the pony-ride?

Oh my god, really?

- Yeah! It sounds really fun.

- Ponies!

- Felix! Ah...

This is gonna be an amazing... cherished family memory.

No pressure! Thank you! Thank you...

Y’know, I really think that this could be, like...

our thing! Y’know? Saturday: family adventures.

- Yeah, we can become one of those families

who, like, their whole identity is

"they go hiking."

- Yes.

- Not much in the way of snacks, kinda... out of everything.

- Okay, we’ll go grocery shopping tomorrow.

- Okay...

- Can I invite Gus to the pony ride?

- I don’t think Gus is going to be passing up Wonderland

to ride a bunch of ponies, buddy.

- Also, this is kind of an us... family thing. Right?

- Besides, rollercoasters can be dangerous.

- James, anything can be dangerous.

- Yeah, a kid at my school

got a concussion at recess yesterday.

- See? - What was he doing?

- Playing. - [James gasps]

- Alright, Andrew’s nap-window is closing,

so let’s uh, hit the road, let’s go!

- Leaving the house with a baby can be challenging.

- Alright, guys, c’mon, let’s do it!

- And risky-- - James!

- What? Their skulls are soft!

Outside is where the skull-danger is.

- I gotta tie my shoe...

- What I’m talking about is

scheduling around feedings and naps.

It’s a delicate dance, and it takes months to find a groove.

- You have to line up everything just right,

because if you don’t... - You’re far from home

with a fussy namibougie baby on your hands.

- Nope, that’s not-- - Really?

- Not, no, you didn’t use it right.

You really had to be there.

- I wanna play with them! - Go on!

- James? - C’mere! Huh...?

- Move, move, move! - Yes, uh huh...

I’m gonna just do one more thing,

watch out for your little fingies...

And...oh!

And what about my fingies?

There we go, there we go.

Coming, coming, coming!

- This seems very... wholesome and peaceful.

Andrew agrees.

- See? Told you this place would kick ass.

Kids’ll probably tell me they love me because of it.

Unless they’re, unless they’re namibougies!

- You’re not using that word right.

- Shh! Let’s just stay positive.

- You kids here for the pony trail?

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Yeah, look at that!

- We’re kind of an outdoorsy family, so...

- Yeah... - No rides today, I’m afraid.

- What?! - What?!

- C’mon! - One of the ponies

got into a bag of coffee beans yesterday.

- Ahhh, and that makes him... - What...?

Whoa, so productive...?

- No. Makes ’em mean.

She bit a child right in the armpit.

- In the armpit?

- What about the other ponies?

Can we ride some of the not-bitey ones?

Oh, no, if one pony gets vicious,

we have to shut down the whole operation

and wait for Animal Control to investigate.

Oh, their rules, not mine.

- Sorry kids, the ponies are having a bad day.

- This sucks!

- This super sucks!

Hold on, there’s still a trail, right?

- Oh, yes! 80 acres to hike on!

- Okay! - Okay, wow, 80 acres...

What is, that seems, how big is that?

- Roughly 32 hectares,

and just shy of 390,000 square yards.

- Very helpful, thank you.

- Great! Kids, ready to hike?

- I don’t want to use my legs, I want pony legs!

- I wanna go to Wonderland!

- Guys, c’mon, we only have a couple days together.

Let’s try to make the most of this.

- Fine... - Okay, kids.

And you, let’s go, let’s go.

- Right this way! - Okay, thank you!

- There you go.

- This is a true adventure, guys.

Totally unpredictable.

Very exciting.

Guys, in a way, a family hike is even better.

- Not better. - C’mon guys, let’s have fun!

And also let’s be safe and protect our heads!

- If there’s no ponies, then why are we still here?

- To hang out! C’mon! The five of us, the wilderness!

It sounds like a recipe for a super-fun day today.

- Mm-hmm!

- Here, how ’bout this? Want some snacks?

- Oh! - Yes!

- Yeah! - Yes!

- We need to stop bribing them with granola bars.

- Correct, those were our last ones.

- Oh my, we need to grocery shop.

- Look, I know it’s disappointing

to replace rollercoasters with ponies--

- Yes, and then replace the ponies with a walk.

- But we can still have a wonderful,

magical day as a family.

- Especially for me who needs it the most.

If we can just...

get their heads in the right... mindset!

- Yes! Let’s rally them troops!

Pew pew!

- Hey, Viv!

How was your week? I feel like I barely saw you.

I’m tired!

- Yeah, that’s part of why we’re doing this.

I don’t think a 6-year-old should be tired after walking...

30 meters.

Did you see all the cool rocks they have around here?

Look at this, isn’t that cool? - It’s so cool...!

- Y’know, if I were a young entrepreneur

looking to start a small, rock-based business,

I would be all over this. - Ooh!

This’ll sell big at Christmas!

- Viv, maybe we could start a business together.

- I can’t start another business.

My rock business is my whole life!

- Of course, I respect that.

- I need to put these in your bag.

- Uh, my bag’s already kinda heavy.

- Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?

- Alright.

- Yes!

- Quite a gait, my man. Really stomping in that dirt.

- Mom tricked me!

I didn’t wanna come!

- I don’t think anybody tricked ya, pal.

You wanted to go to Wonderland, but then...

you saw how excited mom would be if she rode ponies with you,

and so you wanted to make her happy.

And then you immediately regretted it.

- Yes! - Yeah!

Congratulations, you made a difficult decision!

You sacrificed your own pleasure for the sake of your family.

And that makes you a good guy.

- But it’s not what I want!

- Mm! That’s called "good guy’s remorse."

All the good guys have it. Every superhero,

when they are suiting up to go fight bad guys,

they’re like, "Why am I doing this?

I would rather be watching TV and eating a pizza."

- So why don’t they? - ’Cause that...

is what makes them heroes. Also, nobody would watch a movie

where Batman ordered a pizza.

- You don’t even let me watch Batman movies.

-They’re really not for kids.

- This is not fair!

Nothing’s ever fair in this life!

- Yup, yup, yup...

- Look at this! [gasps]

- I think I can feel Andrew having a dream.

Is that what it feels like to be pregnant?

- No. You’ll never understand.

Look at this.

Isn’t this beautiful?

Kids, get over here!

- Wow! Cool! - Wow! Cool!

- Can we go in the water? - No! No, you keep away.

We don’t know how deep it is, or...

what kind of snakes are in there.

- Is that a frog over there?

- C’mon, let’s go catch it, Felix!

- Alright, this is where we turn the Pony-fail

into a cherished family memory. Here we go, it’s happening.

- Putting a lot of pressure on this frog.

Hey, oh, careful guys! Don’t get close to the edge.

- James. Enough. - Watch out.

- Hey! Don’t take my picture!

- It’s only for me and Daddy, I’m not going to show anyone.

- C’mon! Delete it!

- Okay, you wanna see the picture, pal?

Here, let, we’ll show you... - No!

I don’t care! You’re trying to make me feel remorse!

Can you delete it?

- Yes, Felix.

There you go. It’s deleted.

- Prove it.

Come on.

-There you go.

Gone forever. You happy?

- Felix? I think the frog peed on me.

There’s another one over there!

Okay, guys, let’s go! Hey...

Y’okay?

- No, I’m not okay.

He called my stupid bluff. - Yeah...

I did like the way he did that.

- It was cool. - Mm-hmm.

- He got me good. - Yeah.

- I’m trying to make up for lost time,

but it’s really hard now

because they don’t just do what we want them to do.

- Mmm, you may be forcing it... a little bit.

- Felix is a full on ’tween. Soon, he’s not gonna

wanna hang out with us unless we force it.

- I’ve never understood what "tween" meant.

- It’s like...

still scared of the dark, but now has B.O.

- Mmm, yes. I get it. I get that--

Hey! Careful!

Well, look, we’ve seen some hectares.

No one got killed by a falling branch, or got poison ivy.

Why don’t we cut our losses, go home,

and connect over some momos from Tibetan Kitchen?

- Gotcha! Tag! You’re it!

- Oh! - Oh!

Somebody’s awake!

Hello...

Quick recap for you,

we’re somewhere in the forest and nobody likes it.

- Gotcha!

- Andrew’s up, we’re heading home!

Just need to find the...

nearest exit...

of this forest.

- Good! - No!

- I think if we, if we cut through there,

that’s the fastest way... - Oh...

- Or, we just go back the way we came.

- Well, but, we made a lot of turns...

when we came in here. I don’t know.

I don’t know if I remember the turns.

Do you remember the turns? - No...

- Umm...

- I think we should go...

that way.

Well that’s... definitely the wrong direction.

- It looks fun to me!

- I’m with Viv!

Let’s keep going.

- Yay for girls! - Girls!

- What? No! Let’s go home!

- Y’know what, Felix? It’s gonna be fine.

All these paths, they lead to a main path.

Probably. That takes us home...

Eventually. I think.

- Guys, it’s fun! It’s like a family adventure.

Andrew’s fine. He just needs a bottle.

- Yeah, yeah. Just needs a bottle.

- It’s okay, buddy. - Oh my god.

- It’s okay... Why are there rocks

when there should be formula and bottles that we packed?

- Viv, did you just leave the bottles?

- I had to make room.

- Okay, that’s it, family adventure over.

We have to go back to the farm.

- Okay...should I...

scream for help?

- Mommy? Daddy?

- Oh my god!

- Okay, Felix? Step away from the...

We don’t know if that horse has had coffee, okay...?

- Okay, Felix...?

- I’ll use my karate if it attacks...

- What do we do? Do we run?

Are we supposed to run?!

- It’s alright.

- Felix, no! Do not approach!

Felix! - Don’t be afraid...

- She could bite you! - Wait, wait, wait...

I think he’s got it...

- Don’t be afraid...

I think it’s okay.

The lady said the bitey pony was a girl.

This is a boy.

Yep.

- Hey, boy...

wanna smell my hand?

I’m nice!

Don’t be scared.

That’s it, boy!

You’re a nice pony, aren’t ya, fella?

Maybe he can help us?

- He doesn’t speak English... - How would he...

- ...so I don’t... - ...understand?

- Hey! That’s the bottles and the food!

The pony found them!

- Is this really happening?

- I don’t, I don’t...

- Yeah! That’s where I found my amazing rock!

- Thanks, pony!

He’s really smart!

- What should we name him?

- Namibougie.

- Very good. - Nailed it. Nailed it.

- Maybe Namibougie can show us the way back!

Namibougie, can you show us the way back to the farm?

- What is happening? - Whoa!

- This is the best!

Viv, I think he understands us.

- I think so, too.

- [chuckles] Pretty good.

Aw, thank you so much, Bonnie!

- Thank you, Bonnie!

- Thank you!

- Finally got that picture!

- Aww, and it’s a framer! - Mm-hmm!

- I wish they let us keep Namibougie.

He’s gonna miss us.

- Yeah. Well maybe we’ll get to come visit.

- Felix, thank you so much for being in the picture.

- This was the best day of my life!

- Really? You’re not still sad

that you missed Wonderland with Gus?

- No way!

I tamed my own pony!

I can tame animals!

- C’mon guys!

- Mommy, come! - Okay!

- Tag, you’re it!

- Boop, you’re it!

JAMES: Weekends are a little bitty space

where you try to cram in all your living.

ASTRID : Sometimes that means laundry

or karate lessons, sometimes it means

lighting up a birthday boy on a laser-tag court.

- You’re the only parent that plays!

- But once your kids are in school,

weekends are the only time you can be together all day.

- And maybe those days don’t always work out,

like when we drove two-hours to a corn maze

we solved in, like, three minutes.

- But sometimes, you go out,

and you experience something that you’ll end up

talking about together the rest of your life.

- What’re we gonna do about dinner?

- Popcorn. We don’t have any groceries.

- Mmm.

- C’mon, kids!

- Coming!

Viv’s rock business is a real hit with Viv.

- Yeah, she knows her clientele very well.

- That’s why the laundry basket was so heavy.

I thought she put the fire extinguisher in it again.

- Oh! Found something that’s not a rock!

And it’s trash. - Y’know, just one time

I would love to find something lovely in their pockets,

like a note saying "thank you for doing our laundry."

Or, or a jewel.

- I’d actually be fine with finding nothing at all.

- Ooh. A battery!

Useful pile.

Hey!

Really good haul for the useful pile.

Not bad, not bad.

♪ I love my kids But kids ruin everything ♪

♪ Kids ruin everything ♪

♪ I love my kids But kids ruin everything ♪

♪ No more sleeping in ♪

♪ I got kids in my face ♪

♪ I never knew but now I see ♪

♪ That children ruin everything ♪

♪ I never knew but now I see ♪

♪ I really hate this sh... ♪