Original subtitles

♪♪♪

(Video game beeps, car races)

- (Whispers) He's coming. (Game sounds muffle)

(Footsteps approach)

Viv and Felix: (Humming)

- Hey, you playing games on my phone?

- I don't think I was. - Mm-hmm.

- Stop picking on Felix!

- I'm not picking on Felix,

I want him to tell me the truth.

- Let's go, Felix. (Game sound play)

- Hey, what's going on with you?

I mean, I told you not to play on my phone.

The second my back's turned and I'm cleaning the kitchen,

you take my phone. - I smell chocolate.

Did you have chocolate?

Astrid: When you have kids, your relationship

with lying changes. They're not ready for every truth.

- It's just chocolate's in the cleaning spray.

- Sometimes it's just easier to lie

because they're so gullible.

James: And because it's so useful.

You lie so they behave, or to avoid a fight.

Or because life is harsh enough.

- Listen Buddy, you gotta be honest with me

'cause there's gonna be times where telling me the truth

is gonna save your life. - Like what?

- No, you get nightmares from watching "Ponyo".

I'm not gonna start listing all the ways you could die.

Just tell me the truth. Always.

- Okay. - Okay.

- I like it better when Mom puts me to bed.

(Muffled video game plays)

- There... was that so hard?

♪♪♪

- Ah! I miss you guys!

- I made this one. Felix and me.

- That's beautiful.

- We saw a skunk in the backyard

and we named it Fart Captain.

- Uh, we? I named him Fart Captain.

- I have a wiggly tooth. - What?

No, you gotta keep that in. I wanna be there

when the Tooth Fairy comes. - Hmm.

- Okay, speaking of teeth, let's brush ours, right?

Say goodbye to Mommy. Kids: Bye, Mommy!

- Bye! - Okay, let's go.

- I'll be back from work training tomorrow night.

Hey! Hey! Remember me.

- So, tell me how's the preview of your new job?

- Yesterday I was all,

"The analytics modelling for waste management doesn't

allow for the city's growth from now until 2026, Dummies."

- Sounds like you're crushin' it.

And maybe being a bit mean.

- Yeah, it's a real um, cool girl, back of the class vibes

that I'm cultivating. Everybody loves it.

- So, um...

I think Felix is done with the Tooth Fairy.

- How could you let that happen?

- I don't know what to tell ya, he knows his teeth

are worthless. But if we don't get in front of it,

I think he's gonna tell Viv. - Okay, well I wanna be there

for that conversation. That's huge.

- I agree. When you get back we'll take him out

for ice cream, maybe on a long drive.

- Sounds like we're having him put down.

- Hmm. Well, we'll see. Everything's on the table.

Viv: Daddy!

- Okay, bye my love, I gotta go.

(Baby crying)

(Cereal rattles, lid clangs)

(Baby crying)

- She's not happy, huh? - I'm so sorry. She's teething.

- No, don't be sorry, we all need teeth.

(Baby crying)

- You know, if you leave that spoon in ice water for a bit

it'll feel really good on her gums.

- (Sighs) - Hot tip. Cold tip.

- You've done this before.

- Two times. Maybe three, but you know,

life's so busy already but I just, when I see a baby

I just, I love you! I love you.

(Giggles) Sorry.

Um, let me get you some ice water. You stay here.

♪♪♪

(Backing up truck beeping)

(Box cutter zipping)

- Hmm, good, good. - (Box rustles)

I needed a bigger terrarium for my scorpion.

- They grow up so fast. Am I early for our meeting?

- Blowing past the small talk and getting down to business.

Good. - Let's do our jobs.

- Okay.

Jeff Tremblay, Gero's Grocery VP of Operations is dead.

- Oh, my God!

He bought me a muffin once. I never thanked him.

- I mean retiring. - I see.

So, people either work here, or they're dead.

- His absence has created a gaping leadership hole

and we are jumping into that hole, James.

I have suggested that you become regional manager

for our four new locations

while Tremblay's successor is found.

- You, okay, what does that mean?

Do I get, is that a raise? Do I get a raise?

- (Gasps) Do you hear that sound, James?

I just scratched your back. Ack, ack!

- Ooh, my, that's not my favourite sound

but I'm very grateful. - I need a favor.

- Yes. - Currently, we are opening

four new franchises

but what if it were five?

- Yes, any fool could see that that's more,

but wow, how do we... how?

- I need you to figure out the distribution logistics

for a potential franchise in Gatineau,

for Monday morning. - Mon-- okay,

it's, today is Friday. - So you have two days.

- Yeah.

- Scratch my back, James. Ack, ack!

- Yes. okay.

(Files thud, stressed exhale)

- Hey, would you drink a gin cocktail out of a can?

- Depends how it got in there.

- My cousin is marketing these, they're called Gindestructible.

All the names are dad jokes.

You've got "Cruel Gintentions", "Five-Star Gineral".

- Why do dads have to take the hit for puns?

Why can't it be sportscasters and weathermen?

- They're the dads of the broadcast world.

- I can't deal with this right now.

Marla is making me regional manager.

It's a lot of extra work. - Hey, you're movin' up!

Wait, wait, don't leave me here alone, okay?

Who am I gonna talk to? Simon?

I don't even know if his name is Simon,

we've just been calling him Simon. Hey, Simon.

- I'm not going anywhere, okay?

I'm just trying to build a career, I guess,

and just make some extra cash.

- Well, you're a real ginspiration.

Hey, I'm emailing that to my cousin.

- Can I ask you something?

When did you figure out the Tooth Fairy?

- I was 10.

I really believed. - Oh boy, big mistake.

- My mother used to leave little footprints

made of glitter and write little notes.

It was magical. I've never forgiven her.

I defended the Tooth Fairy so hard we had to change schools.

And I had to get a new haircut, for a litany of reasons.

- Yeah, I think Felix is starting to doubt

that there's a fairy walking around with cash

collecting billions of teeth a year.

- Well then, you gotta do your son a favor

and rip the band aid off. I can still hear

Todd Westerland calling me a baby idiot.

A baby, idiot.

(Meditation music plays) - They're in here meditating.

Bo: Breathe in.

- Oh, it's like a very peaceful double homicide.

Viv: Daddy! - Hey, Wonder Girl! Yeah!

- Has the Tooth Fairy come yet?

- No, Sweetie, Tooth Fairy only comes at night

when everyone's asleep. Oh, where'd my daughter go?

There she is. - Like Fart Captain!

- Yeah! Like... yeah, like Fart Captain.

Do you wanna do me a favor and get your shoes on for me?

Thank you. Dawn: Hmm.

- The uh, the fart, that was,

that's not uh, we saw a skunk.

Felix named him. - That's wonderful.

I love humor.

- If you can't laugh at life, you'll probably cry.

Both are healthy.

- So, any plans for the weekend while the cat's away?

I'm referring to Astrid. - (Laughs)

- Uh, no big plans, just friends coming over

tomorrow night to watch the basketball game.

- You should invite Bo. - Oh.

- Mm-hmm, um... (sucks lips)

Bo? - Mm-hmm?

- Do you wanna uh, come over and watch the basketball game?

- Me? I would absolutely love that. Thank you!

I'll go pack.

- Huh? No, no. Hey, Bo, Bo, Bo, it's tomorrow night.

- I know. I hate doing anything last minute.

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

- So, is he... mm-hmm, okay.

♪♪♪

(Plate clunks)

- Whatcha drawin' there, Wonder Girl?

- This is the Tooth Fairy and her knife.

- Okay, why does she have a knife?

- The knife cuts the hole so the Tooth Fairy can get in.

- No, she's magical. She uses magic to get in the house.

- A magical knife. - Yeah. Uh...

(Paper crinkles)

Oh, it's a beautiful one.

Astrid: The carbon footprint of a parent is massive.

Kids use up a lot of stuff. Every toy is packaged

in 10 layers of plastic and cardboard.

Entire forests have been levelled to make

coloring books that kids scribble in and chuck.

James: They waste food, they leave taps running,

they gobble up batteries.

Not literally. Well, once, almost.

Astrid: And of course, you wanna use less, and recycle,

and take care of the planet,

but also sometimes you want like, 15 minutes. Sorry, Earth.

(Paper scratches)

♪♪♪

- Thank you. I'm not gonna put this one in the gallery.

(Doorbell rings)

(Door opens)

♪ Snacks and fun and snacks and fun ♪

♪ And bonding with my brother-in-law ♪

- I just made that up. - Hi, Bo.

- Yeah, they're clean.

- You are, no exaggeration, seven hours early.

- I need some extra time to prepare the snacks.

Hey, Vivvy! - Hi!

- Phyllo pastry parcels stuffed with goat cheese

and cranberry compote. - Hmm.

We're just watching a basketball game,

we're not, you know, entertaining the mayor.

- I don't get to do this very often, James.

In basketball terms, I'm a roo-key.

- It's pronounced rookie.

But listen, I'm really glad that you're here.

- Me too! - Because I need to work.

I need to get some stuff done before Ennis comes,

so can you watch the kids for me first?

- James, I recognize a man who's work is a succubus

drinking his life away.

That was me before I broke down.

- I can handle a little bit of homework if it means

getting a raise, okay?

- Yeah, but that's how it starts - a raise,

work on weekend, higher stress,

less time for family.

One day you light your tie on fire and walk to Guelph.

Felix: Daddy! Daddy!

- Hey, there he is? What's the- - It came out!

- Oh! That's exciting, right?

- The Tooth Fairy's gonna come tonight.

Cut a hole in our house! - Magic.

She magics into the house and takes our teeth

for her own mysterious purposes. Right, Uncle Bo?

- Perhaps she grinds them into a powder then makes a paste

that she can mould light clay into beautiful sculptures.

- No, no! She'd, she's, we'll never know the real reason.

But not that. - I wanna see the Tooth Fairy.

- Oh, but Buddy,

she only comes after we're asleep. What're you gonna do?

- I could record her on my iPad.

- Hmm. - I wanna see what her deal is.

- Yes!

- Yeah, it's a super smart idea, Buddy!

- I'm gonna start cookin'.

♪ Snacks and fun ♪ (Humming)

(Keys clacking)

(Phone buzzing)

- Hey! So you're not gettin' hammered on the golf course

with the World Cup Committee?

- No, but I drank a beer in the tub.

- Oh, like a cowboy.

So, it was a good day?

- Yeah! Chuck wants me to come back next month

instead of in the fall, because they're obviously

nothing without my muscular brain.

- And I might get a new job title and pay bump.

Wait, are we... are we a power couple?

- Well, for dinner I ordered a room service burger with bacon,

so you tell me.

- Hmm, you know, I would, but I'm too busy looking at

the 30-million-dollar homes on the Bridle Path, so.

- I should actually go 'cause Chuck wants me

to go over something for tomorrow. But hey...

congrats on your maybe promotion.

- Mm-hmm, thank you.

- I remember when you started working at Gero's,

you said you wouldn't last two years.

Now look at you.

- Totally.

- Love you. Bye!

(Viv and Felix scream in background)

Felix: You're not gonna get me!

♪♪♪

Ennis: Whoa!

What time is it? It's game time!

(Imitates horn sounds)

- Come on, come on, come on. - Are your kids here

or can I do voices? - They live here.

Also, they're asleep.

- Okay, then let's keep our voices down.

I don't wanna have to say hi.

Huh, do you want a Gindestructible?

We got uh, "Ginsane in the Membrane"

and "Gint of Lime".

Some of these names need work still.

- Hello, Ennis.

I hope you brought your mouth.

- I don't feel safe. Who is this?

- This is my brother-in-law, Bo.

He's gonna watch the game with us. It'll be great.

- Mm-hmm. Excuse me.

Tonight's line-up of snacks will be very vegetable-forward,

but I can adjust for any food allergies.

- Okay, I'm gonna go. - Wait, no, no, no!

Come on, there's booze, and there's snacks,

and there's a game. What more do you need?

- Mmm.

(Phyllo crinkles)

(Crunches in mouth)

You're lucky these are divine. -Mm-hmm.

- Help yourself to any gin-flavoured beverage.

- I don't drink.

But I do like to indulge when I feel my mood darken.

Homemade edibles! (Bag crinkles)

Yeah, just helps me relax.

Here, have one.

James?

It's mild.

- How mild?

- So mild.

It's nothing.

- See, the thing about guys is we know where to buy

stuff like technology and running shoes,

but where do we go when we're in the market

for organic surf apparel, or a simple crocheted vest?

- You're exactly right. I wouldn't know where to begin.

Hey, I think the second half of the game started.

- Oh no, it's been over for a while now.

We're watching a nature documentary and Bo's telling us

his business idea. - Oh, I see what happened.

- So, I created GoBo.

It's like Etsy, for men.

- So, would this be like, sneakers designed by rappers,

or is it stuff made out of antlers?

- Exactly! And I have start-up capital.

All I need is someone like James.

- What? Someone like me?

- Yeah, someone who's good at logistics, and distribution,

and workflow. I mean, to balance out my pure,

creative energy. - What?

- I have to be the Tooth Fairy. - (Bo gasps)

And Felix set up a camera in his room to catch you.

- Yes. Hmm.

- Means he's on to you. You gotta end this.

- No, look, it's not about Felix, it's about Viv.

You only get so much magic in your life.

I don't want Felix to ruin it for her.

- Okay, let's do it. You changed my mind fast.

Bo, these are not mild.

♪♪♪

- So, about half an inch. - Okay.

- This is for her body. James, you're doing amazing.

- Thanks, Buddy. (Laughs)

- Do you think she's a blonde with brunette lowlights

or a brunette with blonde highlights?

- Uh, just-- Bo: So, just yeah, make a--

- Twist them around? On it!

(Scissors snipping)

(Laughs) - Bam! That's it.

Ennis: Some more string for the hair.

- Oh. Ooh.

- Here's an idea for a final touch: perfume.

Bo: Oh!

- She's done! (Music stops)

James: Bo, this is really great.

- Yeah, she's... really pretty.

- This might be the weed gummy or the Gindiscretion talking,

but you guys are great friends.

- She's bold and powerful.

But she has a secret.

I'd never tell a soul.

♪♪♪

(Footsteps thud lightly)

(Crickets chirp outside)

- (Whispers) Okay, guys, we've gotta be very quiet

so we don't wake Viv or Felix.

- Oh, I don't wanna see your kids.

I just came up here because I'm scared to be alone.

- Sh-sh-sh.

- Do you expect the fairy to put the money under the pillow,

or to take the tooth?

- I didn't actually think about either of those things

because I'm too messed up on your weed gummy!

- It sounds counterintuitive but have another.

(Giggles) I did. - Ah, forget it!

Bo, you army crawl behind the iPad, and I'm gonna fly

the Tooth Fairy right in front of the camera

and you turn off the iPad. - Hey, careful with her!

She's... delicate.

But she has a wisdom, you know.

- Stop creeping on the Tooth Fairy

and let her do her job, please. - We can do this.

- Ennis, you watch Viv's door. Make sure she doesn't come out.

- I'm gonna hold on to the doorknob

so that she can't get out. - That's... okay.

Bo. Here we go. Let's do it.

Ennis: That's just like in the army.

Where'd you find this guy?

James: Slide it out. Like an eel.

- That's great. - There we go. Slide...

- Hey, James? - Yeah?

We should get an apartment together.

- Let's... we'll table that. - Okay.

- All right, fairy's coming in. Here we go!

♪♪♪

Bo? Bo! Bo!

- Bo! - Bo!

- Bo! - Bovert! Bo!

James: What's the matter with him?

- Oh, he fell asleep. That's actually not a bad idea.

My cab's been waiting outside for about 10 minutes.

Super fun night.

Oh, do you text me later to let me know that I got home safe?

(Crickets chirp outside, footsteps recede)

- Okay, okay, yes. We got this.

♪♪♪

(James grunts quietly)

♪♪♪

(Phone rings, clatters, clicks call off)

Viv: Daddy! Daddy!

- Hello.

- Felix' iPad made a movie of the Tooth Fairy!

- What?! Let me see.

- She turned off my iPad and gave me 10 dollars.

- Ten?! Not five, huh? She must've uh...

yeah, confused the bills in the dark. Lucky you!

- This is weird. - Hmm. What do you think, Viv?

- She came! She cut a hole in the house and left money!

- Yeah! So fun, right?!

- I'm hungry.

- Okay, we've moved on. Uh yeah, just help yourself

to some breakfast, guys. Get started.

(Email alert chimes, keys clack)

Bo: Workin' on Sunday? - Okay, hi.

- I don't miss that.

Doesn't have to be that way.

GoBo is always there for you.

- I'm gonna work on something that exists, so, yeah.

(Phone rings) - Oh.

Can I borrow that clean pair of underwear I brought back?

- I gonna take this.

No, it's actually a great idea because the new franchise

could uh, restock from the two existing depots.

Okay.

And um, yeah, it would save us about 15 percent.

So, I can started on that uh, on Monday.

Yeah, no, or I could have it done by Monday.

Both work great!

♪♪♪

- You lied to me! - I gotta go.

♪♪♪

(Swears under breath)

(Video game beeps, car races)

(Knocks)

- You tricked me. - Yeah.

I know, Buddy. I'm sorry. - I feel dumb.

- No, hey, hey, no, no, no. Stop, you're not dumb,

I just wanted you to believe and have fun.

- Why do grownups trick kids so much?

- Okay, look, the Tooth Fairy is just a game

that makes losing a tooth less scary.

- You said to always be honest.

- Yeah.

Um... and you should.

Most of the time.

But sometimes...

lying can be useful.

It can get you out of danger,

it can help you spare somebody's feelings.

It can keep your sister believing in the Tooth Fairy.

- You want me to lie to Viv?

- Uh, no, I-I want you to be part of the longest-running

and weirdest conspiracy in the world!

And I want Viv to have fun.

- She can have my tooth to put under her pillow.

- That's cool of you, Buddy.

Unfortunately I can't allow it.

It's against Tooth Fairy rules. No swapsies.

- That's a lie! - Hmm?

- I'm gonna delete all your games on your phone.

- Um... that's a terrible lie.

Can I just give you a couple of notes?

What you wanna do is you wanna make eye contact,

you wanna exhale. Look at me. Ready?

Like this. (Clears throat)

I'm not gonna bop you on the head with this pillow.

Bop! - Oh! (Giggles)

- See? Oh!

Astrid: If you're a parent, you gotta lie sometimes.

Get over it.

James: You don't want your kids terrified of a local

serial killer or knowing where the chocolate stash is.

- Hold up, where's the chocolate stash?

- Oh, it's above the dryer. - Smart!

You gotta reveal the complex

and garbagy parts of the world slowly.

- Sucks! - Mm-hmm. Right?

I had one yesterday, "Gin There, Done That".

Tasted like pennies.

James: Unlike with your partner, where it's best

to lob the truth like a grenade.

- What's up? - Screw Chuck.

- Wait, what? What happened?

- He offered me a sweet job,

a job that I'm clearly made for,

with a two-year contract. - Oh, that... dirty.

I don't know why we're angry. Why are we angry?

- If we decide we wanna have a baby,

- Yeah? - I can't wait two years.

And then, if I take mat leave partway through,

who's to say that I have a job to come back to?

- Yeah, have you tried asking him about it?

- I don't wanna have to ask Chuck

if I'm allowed to have a baby.

Men have it so much easier.

- Yeah. I hate my job.

- What? - Yeah.

I... I hate my job.

I'm not trying to trump your very real and sexist dilemma,

but I hate it and I'm... makes me feel depressed

and... unfulfilled.

- I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me

and for having your soul crushed for us.

- For... yeah.

♪♪♪

- Blech. - Oh.

- So, there's a layering of the texture there.

Bo: Yeah, it's nice.

- All right? Faye Dunaway, eat your heart out.

- It's moving the glitter glue around, just--

- Yeah, well I'm blowing it. - Don't put your fingers on it.

- But I'm not. I'm making it drier, faster with my...

my mouth breath.

- Hey, what's your favorite Tony Shalhoub show?

Mine's "Wings".

She's a blonde but she's got sort of brunette lowlights.

That'll be nice. - I'm not sure

about a lowlight. Ennis: When it's darker.

See you have brown hair and then you have highlights

that are blonde. But if your hair is blonde

and you put brunette streaks in it, then they're lowlights.

That's what they call them when it's darker.

Should've gone blonde for a while, eh, it was my chance.

James, would pass me the purple glitter paint?

Take a little hit of purple sparkles.

Bo: No, no, no! No, no!

- What? It's just a little purple sparkle!

- No, no, no, no!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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