Original subtitles

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♪♪

(Birds chirp)

(Sleepy sighs)

- Good morning. - Hmm. Hi.

- Hi.

- Hmm, I don't want to um, alarm you,

but you have an eyelash.

- Hmm. Can you get it? - Mm-hmm.

♪♪

(Viv thuds down heavily) - Oh!

- Oh, my God! - No. God, oh no.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- How many clams does a walrus eat every day?

- Stop! Okay, Viv! - I do not like this brush!

- It's horrible! - Brush your teeth.

- Five thousand clams! - Okay, we're almost done, oh.

Astrid: Having kids means having

a never-ending to-do list.

Sometimes the list is so long that you get wrapped up in it,

like it's an old-school phone cord.

James: Or a noose. - That's why the number

of intimate moments between you and your partner

starts to go down. And I'm not just talking about sex.

Deep conversations - gone.

Spontaneous dates - gone.

- Sex. - I already mentioned that.

- Gone. Doing the crossword puzzle together

while you look up answers on your phone, gone.

- You saw that? - Come on.

- Anyway, the intimacy in your relationship

can take a back seat as the number of repetitive,

mind-numbing tasks go up.

Astrid: Okay, Viv, come on.

Will you hold still for literally four seconds?

I'm almost done. - What time's our meeting?

- 9:30, but I have to drop Viv off at my sister's first.

Viv: Ow-a! You're pulling my hair!

- You're pulling my patience! What time is it?

Oh, my God, I gotta go. I gotta get dressed. Take this. Bye!

- Okay, we're gonna do this, guys. Come on, come on.

(Water rushes) - (Spits)

- Ugh! - Sorry.

Astrid: As the tasks pile up, the moments to connect dwindle.

James: So, you have to make them count.

- Felix, you'd better not be reading a book!

- How you feeling about today? You excited?

- I'm nervous!

I haven't been in the office in four years, so.

- I can do it myself!

- Um, apparently there's this big, new project

they wanna catch me up on so...

- Hey, Felix, your bus is here! Let's go!

- So, like when I go back in the fall I can just...

- Your bag. You need your bag. Come on. C'mon, c'mon!

- Bye! - Just--

- Hey. I miss you.

- Um... no, I don't, I don't have any.

- Do you think I said tissue?

(Pants whack heavily) - You do it!!

- Okay, bye!

♪♪

(Phone rings, footsteps approach)

(Bag lands heavily)

- Whoa, you look terrible.

- So?

You got glitter all over your face.

- It's an unstoppable force. What's goin' on with you?

- I had to end it with Penelope last night.

- Oh, she seemed smart and cool. What happened?

- Mind games. - Oh yeah?

- Yeah. She was in my head all the time.

You know, I'd just be thinking about her nonstop,

but not even like hot, naked.

We could be at the mall and I'd see a candle, and I'd think,

"Oh, Penelope would really like that."

- I... I don't think that's mind games.

- This is super weird. A couple days ago,

I almost got hit by a car on my way to work,

like two meters to the left I would've been (hands clap).

First thing I thought to do was call her.

It's like, get outta my head.

- It sounds like you're falling in love with her.

- Well, something's goin' on.

Anyway, I'm gonna update my dating profiles

and drown myself in women.

- I wouldn't be afraid to fall in love, pal.

It's really great.

- Oh yeah? Are you and Astrid still in love?

- Yes! - Really?

- Crusher. - Hmm? Is that... that's me?

- Hell yes, it is!

You have been crushing this expansion.

Me too. We're both crusher.

Hey, Ennis. - That's my regular name.

I know what that means. - Now, James,

I'm gonna need you to take over a call with a group

of potential franchisees on the west coast,

3:00 p.m. Pacific Time. - So, 6:00.

6:00 P.M. our time.

- You have something else going on then?

- Just my family. - (Laughs)

Exactly. Let me know how it goes.

- Wow, Crusher, hey, take me with you when you climb

the corporate ladder, okay. - Yeah, yeah.

Well, if he gives me a raise, I'll do whatever.

Maybe some summer we could send the kids away to a camp

and Astrid and I can finally finish a conversation.

- Hmm, sounds like somebody's playing mind games with you.

Astrid: Hi. Dawn: Oh, hey!

Viv's upstairs with Corey.

He's just teaching her some basics on the theremin.

- A theremin. - Mm-hmm.

- Hey, what is that? Is it like a...

like a spooky TV antenna or?

- It's the only instrument you can play without touching.

Hmm. - Yep, that's how I sound

when I haven't been touched in a while.

Anyway, how's the uh, vow renewal party planning going?

- Super. The catering's all set and Bo's just putting

the finishing touches on the commitment arch.

- Oh. - Oh, how was the meeting?

- I don't know. The reception area looks like a spa.

Everybody's 25 and the only person I recognize

besides Chuck is Bubblegum. - That's a person?

- Yeah, she used to do the Starbucks run.

Now she's a Chief Project Planner

who will not respond to Bubblegum.

- People change and grow.

You know, I used to hate leaving my desk,

and now, my job takes me all around the world.

- So you can fire people. - Someone has to, Astrid.

People don't volunteer to leave when they've performed poorly

or there's a downturn in the market.

- Right.

Well, my job is gonna be completely different.

They've changed all our graph software

to this like crazy, new... - Alooga?

Yes, Corey mastered it at coding camp last summer.

- Okay, well it just seems like a lot to learn and I'm just,

I'm worried my brain doesn't work in the same was as it did.

- Well, I think they'd be lucky to have you.

What does James say?

- I uh, I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet.

- It's always good to share your feelings.

You know, sometimes Bo writes his fears on a napkin

and leaves it in my purse, for me to find.

- Hmm, we need our napkins for spills,

and sometimes as toilet paper.

♪♪

- Got your text. They only had two percent.

(Items clatter)

Hello?

Astrid: In here.

(Keys jingle, footsteps thud)

- Uh oh. Kids finally break you?

You drop them off at the fire station?

- They're upstairs watching an unboxing video.

I just needed for no one to be talking to me

or touching me or asking me for juice.

- Hmm. I guess I can get my own juice then.

- Do you wanna swap the juice for a beer

and help me make dinner? - Yah-huh.

How did it go with Chuck? (Grunts)

- The City might be hosting some of the World Cup games

and so, obviously they're not ready.

(James' phone rings) - Oh, leave me alone.

Not you I... have a work call. - Right now?

- Yeah. I gotta talk to the Vancouver people

and I gotta dominate them or I'm in trouble, I guess.

I'm so sorry. Hello?

Felix: Mom! The algorithm is getting weird!

- Okay.

♪♪

(Computer beeps)

James: Felix is finally asleep.

Do you wanna split that last beer?

- Um, you help your son snooze, you lose.

- Ah, okay.

Well, I got the consolation prize.

I wanna hear everything about today.

Bubblegum still say "Chai tea"

or has she moved on to coffee?

- Yeah, as much as I wanna vent about Bubblegum I,

I have to learn Alooga. - I don't know that means.

- It's ugly and stupid. - Okay, sounds fun.

You know what we should do? We should um,

take a little break and catch up on "Project Runway".

- Okay, no, can you stop distracting me?

You have a real pop-up ad energy right now.

- I just, I just wanna hang out with you.

- I know, I wanna hang out too, but I have to learn this

if I wanna keep up with the 20-year-olds

and the 50-year-olds. - Okay, okay, but Saturday,

we're gonna do some us time. - Oh no,

we have Dawn and Bo's vow thing.

- (Sighs) Viv: Daddy!

Eyes are looking at me!

- All right. Well, see you when we retire.

(Footsteps approach)

Marla: Insubordination cannot

and will not be tolerated in this organization.

If Mississauga branch won't take down their Easter display,

(Items clatter)

...we'll take it down for 'em!

- Yeah, it is a little late for Easter.

- Okay, do they think we're not watching?

Keeping track? Writing down names when the time comes?

- When the time comes for what, exactly?

- This is a goddamn rebellion. Crusher? Crush this!

- I'm on it. I'm gonna send an email worded so strongly

it eviscerates all traces of Easter.

- Those decorations won't have a second coming.

- That's a really good joke, Marla.

- It's great. Okay, clean this up.

- Whew!

- Why is it that Marla doesn't seem to notice

or care that you're on your phone all day?

- Hey, people use their phones or work all the time.

You ever hear of Slack? - Are you on Slack?

- No, this is a dating thing. High Bidder.

You bid against other users for potential dates.

It's like an auction for attention.

I lost a bunch of money when they got hacked,

but uh, they fixed it. - Dude, that sounds horrifying.

- No, no, no, it's exciting! See, you gotta be strategic.

You can't just bid on every girl

or you run out of bid bucks.

Unless of course you get the platinum membership

but then oh... oh come on! I got outbid on Zoe.

Damnit! Who the hell is HogSalad98?

(Frustrated exhale) (Message alert whooshes)

See? Life is short.

You gotta take your shot before it's too late.

(Chair rattles)

Where're you going?

- Hey, Marla, I'm gonna tear a strip off

of this guy in person. - Crusher! Crusher!

Don't take any egg-scuses. Easter Eggs.

- Yup, yup. - That was good too, Marla.

- I didn't ask you.

(Eerie music)

(Dog barks in the distance)

Podcast: Then in October,

Moreland left this chilling message on Bethany's phone...

- Hello?

Moreland: (Gruff) I have your finger

but it's no good anymore.

So, I'm gonna get another one very soon.

(Shrieking, heads thump)

- Ow! Ow! - Ah!

- God, what is wrong with you? Why would you do that?

- I was trying to surprise you. I wanted to...

get some along time with you. Viv: What did you do to Mommy?

- Huh? Oh. - Ah! (Screams)

- Oh my, what is she doing home? I thought she was

supposed to be with your mom?!

- Mom cancelled because she got bit by a cat.

- What are you doing with earbuds in?

I could've been a murderer. - I had an eye on her.

- What's a murderer? - Oh, that's a tough one.

Uh, let me start here.

- James, go upstairs and get changed.

- Okay, yes. Okay. - Aw.

- Damnit, I forgot the toilet paper!

♪♪

Viv: Got you, Daddy! James: Oh, there she is!

Oh, God, she's bringing me down. Bringing me down.

Mrah! Oh. - Do it again! Do it again!

- Nah, you do me now. - Who wants pancakes?

- I'm not hungry. - Pancakes are gross.

I want waffles!

- Well, I wanna take a shower without one of you

opening the bathroom door, but here we are.

Nisha: Knock, knock! - Nannyma!

- Oh, hi, Buddy!

Oh, don't you look like a pretty princess today, Viv.

- Yeah, she also looks strong and healthy.

- And sparkly, like a little treasure.

- Mom, to what do we owe this drop-in?

- Well, I was hoping I could borrow the rugrats

for the afternoon.

My friend, Graham, who helped me with my cat bite,

mentioned that his church is having a fun fair and well,

I can't go alone.

- Uh, what kinda church are we talkin' about?

- They had a float in the Pride Parade. It's all very woke.

- Honestly, I don't care if it's a death cult sing-a-long

Take them. Keep them 'til Dawn's thing.

We could really use the alone time.

- Oh! Okay, okay. Gotcha, right.

Okay, kids, let's get you upstairs and get dressed up!

We're going to confession! Viv: Yay!

- Uh... - Kidding.

You guys relax enjoy yourselves.

Light some candles, have a bath.

- Mom, we don't need instructions!

- Okay. Al right, kids. Come on! Let's go!

Oh, just wait 'til we're gone before

you have the "adult nap". - Oh, my God.

Okay, kids, can I get a "Praise Jesus!"

♪♪

Astrid: When you have young kids,

you take time for yourself wherever you can.

You hide out in the bathroom

or you let them watch a little more TV.

James: Sometimes when I take the recycling out,

I kinda just stand there for a minute.

- That sounds nice. - Oh, the best.

- But when you suddenly come into hours

of unplanned free time it can be super stressful

Deciding what to do with it.

- Yeah, you don't wanna waste your free time

so you panic and just start doing... stuff.

Well, the place looks a little bit less disgusting.

- Hmm. - What should we... do?

- Hmm.

♪♪

(Taps wooden spoon)

- This is your opening move?

Music? - Oh yeah, that'd be nice.

- Okay, what are we lookin' at here? Do we want like,

a Taylor Swift situation,

or like a Cardi B vibe, God willing?

- Is there somewhere in the middle?

- Oh, Pink? I don't know, that just feels wrong.

This is, it's an interesting question that's kind of like

a thought experiment. - James.

- Hmm. Yes, sorry. I just, I want this to be perfect,

but also, who cares. Drum and bass.

(Phone vibrates)

♪♪

One more just... quick question.

Did you happen to bring that spoon up here?

By any chance? - Hmm.

Oh! Oh, wow! Wow! Wow!

That was so, so... ooh, so good. So good.

Oh!

- James? - Ahem, hmm, my love?

- Was that what... did you?

- Have my mind blown? Yes.

Yeah, that was so, so good.

- Did you just fake that orgasm?

- What are you talking about?

- I can feel things, you know.

Or not, as the case may be.

- Yeah, okay. Here's what probably happened.

I was, I've been practicing a lot of self-love... recently.

- Oh.

- And that's... it reduces the um, output.

- Yes, that must be it. When were you doing that,

when you were washing the dishes, or driving to work?

- No. I, um...

fine I was faking it! - Yes, I know!

- Well, oh, your face, your face,

it looked like you were somewhere else.

Both: (Sigh)

- I'm sorry. Yeah, I was distracted.

I got that work text and then it, it got in my head.

- It's fine. It's my fault.

I should've had a playlist queued up.

- No. No, well, drum and bass is very demanding, but no,

I just honestly, I just can't,

I can't stop worrying about work.

- Come on, that's normal. It's fine.

- No, I feel like I'm not ready. I feel like I'm not,

like I'm not cut out for it anymore.

- Look, as someone who works in an office, trust me,

nobody is cut out for it. You are gonna be fine.

- I know I'm gonna be fine, I'm just saying to you

that I'm intimidated to go back.

- You're gonna be amazing. You can do anything.

- What is, what are you doing? What are you,

like one of Viv's t-shirts? You're just saying that

because you don't wanna change the plan.

- (Sighs) Listen...

two incomes is a good plan. That's--

- Because you think that me going back means

that we won't have another baby. Like, I can't do both.

- Oh God. Do we have to talk about this now? Come on.

(Sheets ruffle)

- (Sighs) Do we have a bottle of wine

to take to Dawn and Bo's thing? - No.

I'm sure we'll find something.

(Bottle thuds on counter) (Indistinct party chatter)

- Oh, that's so great. (Theremin whines)

- So, this is the theremin.

This controls the volume.

You can also use this to control the volume.

- Well, I hope you two had a productive afternoon?

- I'm gonna go annoy my kids. - Oh, please!

- Who brought the chincy Irish Cream?

- Who knows? You look beautiful.

- Oh, thank you. Purple.

(Indistinct party chatter)

Dawn: Kids, you have to be careful with that, okay?

Thank you. Thank you for being with us

as Bo and I celebrate our 11th trip

around the sun together. - Woo!

Bo: As we do every year, I'd like to recommit

to the vows we pledged 11 years ago. (Chuckles)

I'd also like to add some amendments.

- Oh. (Guests laugh)

- Hey, hey, easy with the cream puffs. Here, take this.

- Yuck! - (Light chuckles)

- Okay. In sickness and in health, yes,

but also in home renovation purgatory.

- (Guests chuckle)

Dawn: But what is eleven?

Except a couple of ones who decided to stick together.

All: Aw...

♪ Harbor in a storm ♪

♪ A doorway in an earthquake ♪

♪ A helicopter in a volcanic eruption ♪

♪ A panic room in a riot ♪ - Oh, my God.

Dawn: (Laughs)

Most of you haven't aged a day since the wedding,

except of course, our ring bearer, Charlotte.

Woman: Hi, Charlotte. (Phone keys clack)

Bo: Dawn, I know that come what may,

I can never really die as long as I have your love and support

and your paella. - Oh, damnit Bo,

why do I let you go first every year? You did it again!

- Oh! - I'm a mess.

Bo, I love you,

and I love our sensible sex life.

- What?! Shh... Both: Cheers!

(Singing in foreign language)

- (Clicks teeth) Oh.

♪♪

(Footsteps tap on stairs)

♪♪

Both: Cheers! (Cork plops in wine)

(Lid rattles)

(Footsteps approach) - (Sniffs)

- Hey, Corey's about to start his theremining.

Saw the set list.

He's got a song called "A Tear with Three Sides".

(Flops heavily)

- Should've called it "Criangle".

- Mm-hmm.

(Groans)

- (Sighs)

- I'd love to hear why you're intimidated to go back to work.

- What if I've been out of the data analyst game too long,

and I suck,

and it confirms that I'm only good at being a mom?

- Hmm.

You know, you might suck.

You might make a pie chart so bad it kills thousands.

- Why would I have egg on my face?

- But you also might regret not giving it a shot.

You love that job.

- Yeah, I know,

and I know that I'm supposed to want to go back,

and that's why I feel guilty for also

stupidly wanting this baby.

- No, it's not stupid.

It's nuts, but it's not stupid.

Trust me, being a great mother is not nothing.

I grew up with my mom yelling at me over "Y&R".

- No.

I can't even imagine your mom shouting.

- You never got between her and her stories.

(Theremin wails in background)

- Oh. Is that a theremin? (Astrid laughs)

- Is that what a theremin sounds like?

- Yes. - That's like a drunk radio.

- Yeah, like a mosquito trying to hypnotize you.

- The kid is so weird.

(Both laughing)

♪♪

Astrid: Good night, Viv. James: Good night, Felix.

♪♪

Astrid: It's hard to stay connected when the focus

of your relationship goes from one another

to trying to keep your new, tiny humans alive.

But you need to keep making time for those moments

where you can.

♪♪

- (Laughs) - Sh-sh-sh.

James: And it doesn't just mean sex.

It could be any kind of connection -

a look, a conversation.

Astrid: Or a pretty freakin' sweet role in the hay

that you sneak in at a party without anyone knowing.

James: About that... I think they may figure it out.

- (Laughs nervously)

- Ugh! - Ew!

♪♪

- Okay. Yeah. - Hmm.

- Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Don't look at me.

♪♪

That's a mouthful of cheese. (Glasses clink)

- You're welcome. - (Laughs)

- Thought you'd like that. - Mm-hmm.

It's gonna take me a second. - (Laughs)

(Theremin music)

♪♪

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