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1
00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:07,231
[old-timey music playing]
2
00:00:07,233 --> 00:00:08,990
-[bat cracks]
-[crowd cheering]
3
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,843
Yay! Another run for the Topes.
4
00:00:10,994 --> 00:00:14,738
Why is everyone on the other
team old men and little kids?
5
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,331
[grandfather]
Well, little Abe, it's because
6
00:00:16,392 --> 00:00:18,017
all the good players
in the league
7
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:19,243
are off fighting the war.
8
00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:21,854
Our clever cowards found
a way out.
9
00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:23,671
[announcer]
Now batting for Springfield,
10
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,173
Fake Cough Johnson.
11
00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:27,084
Ooh, cough, cough.
12
00:00:27,086 --> 00:00:29,086
[cheering]
13
00:00:29,088 --> 00:00:30,087
Yippee!
14
00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:31,346
-Yeah!
-Yay!
15
00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:34,274
Someday you'll be sitting
in these very seats
16
00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:37,594
enjoying baseball
with a grandson of your own.
17
00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:40,264
I can't wait for that someday.
18
00:00:40,266 --> 00:00:42,207
♪
19
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:44,935
[groans]
20
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:46,453
I'm still waiting.
21
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,464
♪
22
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,032
Bart, it's your grampa.
23
00:00:51,110 --> 00:00:53,260
It's a beautiful day
for a ballgame.
24
00:00:53,295 --> 00:00:55,387
Eh, baseball's
just a bunch of guys
25
00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:57,130
in tight pants barely moving.
26
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:58,615
I can watch that here.
27
00:00:58,617 --> 00:01:01,709
Marge, my stomach ate
my belt again.
28
00:01:01,787 --> 00:01:03,470
Look under the fold.
29
00:01:03,547 --> 00:01:05,138
I'm too a-scared.
30
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,140
Ah, I guess it's just me
31
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,976
and the self-storage units
again.
32
00:01:10,053 --> 00:01:12,196
Dagnabbit!
33
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,982
Hey! Now we're cooking.
34
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,743
In the only way men should.
35
00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:19,986
[Moe]
Yeah! Heh.
36
00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:21,955
Another fan?
37
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:24,141
Want some company?
38
00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:26,159
[Moe grumbles]
39
00:01:26,236 --> 00:01:29,755
Oh, boy, I'll be right there!
40
00:01:32,985 --> 00:01:34,000
[sighs]
41
00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:37,654
Another tough one
for the Topes, huh?
42
00:01:37,656 --> 00:01:40,474
Yeah, yeah, tough one.
43
00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:45,753
We would've had a shot in '91
44
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:48,682
if Flash Lewis didn't
get arrested mid-game.
45
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:52,277
Oh, yeah, oh, that guy could
really steal bases.
46
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,780
And nitrous
from the dentist's office.
47
00:01:54,857 --> 00:01:58,675
Hey, you want to have some fun
and, uh, help the team?
48
00:01:58,694 --> 00:02:00,026
You suck!
49
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:03,029
My kidney stones move quicker
than your fastball.
50
00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:07,275
You pitch worse
than Sandy Koufax on Yom Kippur.
51
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,961
Whatever the hell that is!
52
00:02:09,037 --> 00:02:10,854
[grunts]
53
00:02:10,856 --> 00:02:13,190
[laughs] We rattled him.
54
00:02:13,192 --> 00:02:14,524
That wasn't because of you!
55
00:02:14,543 --> 00:02:16,710
I'm having troubles
with my marriage.
56
00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:19,471
Well, at least
you're striking out somewhere.
57
00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:21,531
[both laughing]
58
00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:23,049
-[pitcher grunts]
-[Moe] Oh!
59
00:02:23,051 --> 00:02:26,145
I've never enjoyed
losing 14-1 more.
60
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,981
Misery isn't so bad
when you have company.
61
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,299
Yeah, hey, they should make
a saying about that.
62
00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:33,710
Yeah, but they probably won't.
63
00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:35,303
Mm.
64
00:02:35,381 --> 00:02:37,305
Hey, listen, uh, if you, uh,
65
00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:40,567
don't end up stroking out
in the next couple of days, uh,
66
00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:42,052
maybe we could do this again?
67
00:02:42,054 --> 00:02:43,311
Or not, or not.
68
00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:45,831
Ooh, why do you have
to come on so hard, Moe?
69
00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,815
Stupid, stupid, stupid--
70
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,243
-I'd love to.
-[spits]
71
00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:51,745
Wha--?
72
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,154
Hey, that's great!
73
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,065
Hey, would it,
would it be okay if I added you
74
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:56,917
as a contact in my phone?
75
00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,418
You'd be the first one.
76
00:02:58,495 --> 00:03:00,737
And you'll be
my only living one.
77
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,759
♪ It's a beautiful day for a ballgame ♪
78
00:03:05,761 --> 00:03:09,413
♪ For a ballgame today ♪
79
00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:13,508
♪ The fans are out to get a ticket or two ♪
80
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:17,011
♪ From Walla Walla, Washington, to Kalamazoo. ♪
81
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,772
[screams] My father?
82
00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:20,257
My bartender?
83
00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:22,926
The guy I'm gonna bury
and the guy who's gonna bury me?
84
00:03:22,928 --> 00:03:24,686
I got to drink to forget this.
85
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,112
But where?
86
00:03:26,189 --> 00:03:27,355
[yelps]
87
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,690
[announcer]
We interrupt the ninth inning
88
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,618
of this unprecedented double perfect game
89
00:03:31,695 --> 00:03:33,528
for breaking baseball news.
90
00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:37,123
A once-in-a-generation prospect
is coming to the majors.
91
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,942
Macedonian two-way phenom,
92
00:03:38,944 --> 00:03:40,627
Aeropos Walkov
93
00:03:40,704 --> 00:03:42,370
will leave the Minsk Golems
94
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,130
to achieve his lifelong dream:
95
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:46,283
playing in the U.S.
96
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,301
Walkov developed
his unique two-handed
97
00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:50,545
pitching style
at the age of six,
98
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:53,565
helping his father, the village ratcatcher.
99
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:57,644
[Millar] Where he also developed his immense power at the plate.
100
00:03:57,646 --> 00:03:59,238
Gotti!
101
00:03:59,314 --> 00:04:02,315
Every major league club
is gonna pull out all the stops
102
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:04,243
to get Walkov to sign.
103
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:07,804
Yeah, too bad the Topes can't
land a superstar like Walkov.
104
00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:10,807
But Springfield ain't one
of them classy cities
105
00:04:10,809 --> 00:04:13,326
like, uh,
Philadelphia or Anaheim.
106
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,903
If we started winning,
maybe my grandson
107
00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:18,331
would finally
go to a game with me.
108
00:04:18,408 --> 00:04:19,666
[sighs]
109
00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:22,502
Suck that sigh right back
into your gobble shoot.
110
00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:24,654
So what if our city's
a greased-stained
111
00:04:24,656 --> 00:04:25,989
mattress graveyard?
112
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:28,825
Our team's got
passionate, dedicated fans.
113
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:29,993
We do?
114
00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:33,087
Yeah, us, you lovable bag
of Alzheimer's.
115
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,348
What we got to do
is make a video
116
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:38,443
with a personal appeal
to that two-handed-throwing
117
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,112
Euro sasquatch.
118
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:42,430
But all the rich teams
are gonna do that, too.
119
00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:44,508
Yeah, but what
they don't know is
120
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:47,861
is I speak
a pretty good Macedonian.
121
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:51,031
How? You barely speak English.
122
00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:54,534
No offense!
123
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,853
Yeah, I learned it
from my grandmother.
124
00:04:56,855 --> 00:04:59,339
[speaking Macedonian]
125
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,212
Yeah, nobody could put
a cigarette out
126
00:05:06,365 --> 00:05:08,882
on the back of your neck
like Baba Branka.
127
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,625
[chuckles softly]
So what do you say?
128
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,602
Let's make a video!
129
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:18,708
Ah, geez, it's out of gas.
130
00:05:18,727 --> 00:05:20,694
-♪
-[goat bleating]
131
00:05:23,732 --> 00:05:26,658
Hey, Walkov, Chris Rock hereto tell you why you should come
132
00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:30,829
and play for my favorite team, the New York Mets.
133
00:05:30,906 --> 00:05:32,331
What a city!
134
00:05:32,407 --> 00:05:35,392
Where else can you get a sandwich at 3:00 a.m.
135
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:38,820
and a gun at the same bodega?
136
00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:40,839
Oh.
137
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,824
Mr. Walkov, I'm Danny Trejo.
138
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:47,070
I have 468 credits on my IMDb.
139
00:05:47,072 --> 00:05:49,255
So why don't you just be like me
140
00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:53,743
and say yes to any job in L.A.?
141
00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:55,854
Hmm.
142
00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:58,732
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
143
00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:01,193
Mm...
144
00:06:04,773 --> 00:06:06,365
Mm-mm. Mm.
145
00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:09,117
Hmm.
146
00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:19,285
Hello, Mr. Walkov.
147
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,213
[speaking Macedonian]
148
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:39,564
The point is, you big,
beautiful, farm-fed foreigner...
149
00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:40,899
Springfield.
150
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,459
Hearts.
151
00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:44,127
[all]
Walkov!
152
00:06:44,146 --> 00:06:45,904
[Moe]
Oh, my drone!
153
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,906
I was gonna use it to see if the trees
154
00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:51,493
I planted in erotic formations have grown in.
155
00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:54,621
[inhales]
156
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,627
[speaking Macedonian]
157
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,761
I am here
because of a beautiful video
158
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,596
made by these two men:
159
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,764
Corpse
160
00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,674
and Gargoyle.
161
00:07:14,826 --> 00:07:15,750
We did it!
162
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:18,495
We saved Springfield baseball!
163
00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:20,439
[excited chatter]
164
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,017
Springfield baseball!
165
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,427
-[crashing]
-[groaning]
166
00:07:26,505 --> 00:07:28,738
I gotta assume
that's a misunderstanding.
167
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,862
There's a superstar in
Springfield for the first time
168
00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:37,347
since Bullseye the Target dog's
169
00:07:37,349 --> 00:07:39,699
private plane
landed here to empty its trash.
170
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:43,703
Thanks to the newly signed
Walkov, baseball is back.
171
00:07:43,705 --> 00:07:45,038
[all cheering]
172
00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:47,490
And Mayor Quimby has sold off
every traffic light
173
00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:50,376
in town to pay for renovations
to the ballpark.
174
00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:51,285
[tires screech]
175
00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,638
-Go Isotopes...
-[thuds]
176
00:07:53,715 --> 00:07:56,725
["Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing in Macedonian]
177
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,305
♪
178
00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:15,051
Thanks for taking me to see
Walkov's first game, Grampa.
179
00:08:15,053 --> 00:08:18,071
My grandson is going
to a game with me.
180
00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:21,224
Now I can die less unhappy.
181
00:08:21,243 --> 00:08:23,502
All because
of what youse and me did.
182
00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:27,172
We're a great team,
like Martin and Lewis.
183
00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:29,174
Thank you for noticing.
184
00:08:29,325 --> 00:08:31,826
Wow, look at this place.
185
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,753
-[crowd clamoring]
-[Bart gasps]
186
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,514
The scoreboard's huge!
187
00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:38,499
It's like everyone here
is looking at the same phone.
188
00:08:38,577 --> 00:08:41,002
Still too small!
189
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,245
[announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
190
00:08:42,264 --> 00:08:45,190
please rise for our national anthem.
191
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,917
Ooh, I got to go translate
the anthem for Walkov.
192
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,176
It's kind of tough
'cause there's
193
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,254
no Macedonian word for "free."
194
00:08:51,273 --> 00:08:54,274
Hey, you want to meet the big
teddy bear after the game?
195
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,259
Wow, you think I could?
196
00:08:56,278 --> 00:08:58,278
Of course.
Walkov wouldn't even be here
197
00:08:58,354 --> 00:09:00,187
if it weren't for your gramps.
198
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:03,625
And, in some sick way,
neither would youse.
199
00:09:08,456 --> 00:09:10,940
Go ahead, kid,
show me you're a winner.
200
00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:13,218
I heart Szyslak.
201
00:09:13,369 --> 00:09:14,970
[grunts]
202
00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:22,043
[crowd cheering]
203
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,645
-Attaboy!
-Yay!
204
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:34,814
[cheering, clamoring]
205
00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:37,033
[laughing]
206
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,730
[cheering]
207
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,916
Starting off your Major League
career with a win?
208
00:09:45,026 --> 00:09:46,400
That's got to be
a great feeling.
209
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,161
Just like when I played
for the Marlins.
210
00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:50,338
[speaking Macedonian]
211
00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:57,762
In Macedonia, our widows chant
mournful dirges
212
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,223
for your garbage Marlins.
213
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,934
Oh, where's Walkov going?
214
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,436
You said I could meet him.
215
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:07,330
Sorry, kids, the big lug's
teaching himself English
216
00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:08,923
by watching Family Guy.
217
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,516
[Walkov]
Giggity, giggity.
218
00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:12,001
I got to go.
219
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:14,571
It's a road trip
and I am traveling in style.
220
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:17,932
[chuckles]
221
00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:19,951
Oh, I'm gonna be so regular.
222
00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:22,495
[munching]
223
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,531
[announcer]
Walkov approaches the plate.
224
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:28,351
And here comes the pitch, sponsored by Squatty Potty.
225
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:31,020
It's a long drive, sponsored by Hankook tires.
226
00:10:31,022 --> 00:10:34,190
Walkov makes it to third base, sponsored by Trojan condoms.
227
00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:36,617
Trojan, for when she waves you in.
228
00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:37,861
Wait a minute.
229
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:40,546
This game is
just one big commercial.
230
00:10:40,699 --> 00:10:43,141
[announcer] Hey, this series ofsponsorships is sponsored by...
231
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,719
After a hard day turning
Macedonian into normal,
232
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:49,296
I wet my whistle with Gren-Aid.
233
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,631
[glugging]
234
00:10:50,709 --> 00:10:52,817
Ka-boom drink.
235
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:54,635
Ah!
236
00:10:54,713 --> 00:10:56,896
Ka-boom drink!
237
00:10:56,898 --> 00:10:59,824
[organ playing]
238
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,619
♪
239
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,462
♪
240
00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:22,163
Please accept
this traditional Macedonian vest
241
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,059
from Mr. Walkov in memory
of your meaningful tryst.
242
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,645
-[Walkov] Giggity.
-[woman giggles]
243
00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:31,856
And so, after spending millions
244
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:34,526
of tax dollars
on the BALCO investigation,
245
00:11:34,602 --> 00:11:39,180
not a single steroid abuser
was ever punished.
246
00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:42,367
Oh, Grampa,
you and your stories.
247
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:44,610
I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in
248
00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:46,705
unless you're a member
of the De Beers Diamonds
249
00:11:46,781 --> 00:11:48,689
Diamond Club Gold.
250
00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:50,266
♪
251
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,620
But these seats have been
in my family for 80 years.
252
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:55,880
Section J.
253
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,300
Oh, yes,
you still sit in Section J.
254
00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:09,543
[muttering]
255
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:13,047
Two hot dogs for me
and my grandson.
256
00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:15,233
Oh, we don't sell hot dogs
anymore.
257
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:18,144
Crème brûlée,
get your crème brûlée here!
258
00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:20,554
Served in a souvenir ramekin.
259
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:21,906
Seafood towers!
260
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:25,318
It ain't a ballgame
without a seafood tower.
261
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:26,578
Ortolan!
262
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,654
Brandy-drowned baby birds.
263
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:30,749
Comes with team logo napkin
264
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,326
to hide your shame from God.
265
00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:34,327
[crunching]
266
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,070
[Krusty]
That's so wrong.
267
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:38,089
No hot dogs?!
268
00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:41,217
Sit down,
you bandwagon betties!
269
00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:47,474
Oh, is there any place left
that's just for only fans?
270
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:49,993
Aah!
271
00:12:49,995 --> 00:12:52,178
Moe, you're not gonna believe
272
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:54,998
the way everything
has changed around here.
273
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,332
Abe, will you please?
I'm working here.
274
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,017
Walkov's doing
the product launch
275
00:12:58,094 --> 00:13:00,353
of his caffeinated goat jerky.
276
00:13:00,429 --> 00:13:01,504
[grunts]
277
00:13:01,506 --> 00:13:03,006
Well, youse didn't hear it
from me,
278
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:05,742
but, uh, soon we'll be
branching out to llama.
279
00:13:07,436 --> 00:13:09,287
[stammers]
What happened to that guy
280
00:13:09,438 --> 00:13:11,289
that loved baseball so much
281
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:14,441
he taped over
the 1998 Westminster Dog Show
282
00:13:14,519 --> 00:13:16,961
to make that video for Walkov?
283
00:13:17,038 --> 00:13:19,355
Ah, the dogs weren't
that hot that year.
284
00:13:19,357 --> 00:13:21,541
I'll tell you
what happened to that guy.
285
00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,543
He sold out.
286
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:24,694
Oh, is that right?
287
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:25,878
You're right it's right.
288
00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:27,806
They're putting ads
everywhere now.
289
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:29,456
Even on the bases.
290
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:30,867
[grunts]
291
00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:33,386
Well, you're just jealous
that I'm Walkov's buddy.
292
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:35,796
That beautiful Balkan boy
loves me
293
00:13:35,874 --> 00:13:37,298
and Springfield loves him.
294
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,484
But all this fiddle-faddle
that came with him
295
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:41,986
is bad for baseball!
296
00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:44,638
Having empty stadiums
was bad for baseball.
297
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,383
Now they're packed,
making money wart over bunion.
298
00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:50,219
And soon the league is
gonna expand to 50 teams.
299
00:13:50,221 --> 00:13:52,221
They might even get one
in Tampa.
300
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:54,057
Well, I say I saved baseball,
301
00:13:54,059 --> 00:13:56,075
and you were just
a bunch of sour grapes.
302
00:13:56,227 --> 00:14:00,046
I wish I never let you
into my life or my phone!
303
00:14:03,401 --> 00:14:05,084
-Ah! Consarn.
-[Moe] Ah.
304
00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:09,755
What are you watching one of
your potato unboxing videos?
305
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,498
Whoa there.
306
00:14:11,576 --> 00:14:12,517
Draft-Pigs?
307
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:13,852
Uh, that's a betting site.
308
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:16,262
Hey, gambling can
get you suspended.
309
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,598
-At least
you're not betting on base--
-[phone chimes]
310
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:21,508
...ball! And you're betting
on the Topes?!
311
00:14:21,586 --> 00:14:23,269
No! No, no, no!
312
00:14:23,346 --> 00:14:25,771
[shouting in Macedonian]
313
00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:26,939
I'm so sorry!
314
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:29,275
I go under instead of over!
315
00:14:29,352 --> 00:14:31,870
Do you whip Walkov now?
316
00:14:31,946 --> 00:14:33,429
How did this happen?
317
00:14:33,431 --> 00:14:36,374
How did you even hear
about sports betting, anyway?
318
00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:40,620
Oh.
319
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,047
Not giggity!
320
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:45,474
[Walkov crying]
321
00:14:45,476 --> 00:14:47,093
Not giggity!
322
00:14:52,634 --> 00:14:54,708
A subject line should be short.
323
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,894
You don't have to write
324
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,229
the whole email in there, okay?
325
00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:01,399
Abe, we got to talk. In private.
326
00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,793
Away from all of these,
these wrinkletons.
327
00:15:03,795 --> 00:15:05,962
I got nothing to say to you.
328
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:06,887
Something horrible happened.
329
00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:08,297
Walkov's gambling.
330
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:11,317
And he called a press conference
to come clean about it.
331
00:15:11,319 --> 00:15:13,761
So why are you bothering me?
332
00:15:13,763 --> 00:15:16,155
You got to help me talk him out
of telling the truth.
333
00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:17,807
Everything's gonna disappear.
334
00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:18,991
The team trips,
335
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:21,144
people calling me Mr. Creepo,
336
00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:23,254
the steaks
with a little plastic cow
337
00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:25,572
stuck in them saying
how it's been cooked.
338
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,984
I can't go back
to unlabeled steak!
339
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,318
[shouting]
340
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,429
So that's all you care about?
341
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,206
You don't give
a leprechaun's lick
342
00:15:34,284 --> 00:15:36,826
about baseball
and now you want my help?
343
00:15:36,828 --> 00:15:38,828
Well, tough tomboys.
344
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,921
Lisa, print out my email.
345
00:15:40,999 --> 00:15:43,090
So it's ready for the email man.
346
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:45,001
That's not how it wor-- [groans]
347
00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:46,194
Okay.
348
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:48,854
Hiya, puppy.
349
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,706
I got some bad news
about the sport
350
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:52,116
you love as much as I do.
351
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:55,954
Turns out baseball breeds
nothing but snakes and scugs.
352
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:59,182
And Walkov is
the biggest rat of them all.
353
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:00,291
Walkov? Is he hurt?
354
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,684
That means I got an edge.
355
00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:03,086
I got to lay down a bet now.
356
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,113
You're g-g-gambling?!
357
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,874
Of course, everybody else
is cashing in.
358
00:16:08,951 --> 00:16:10,784
I'd be a sucker not to.
359
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:12,971
Where'd you ever get that idea?
360
00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:15,214
I learned from watching Yu...
361
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:18,959
Darvish. Yu's covered the spread
in six straight starts.
362
00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:22,205
How does a kid get
on a gambling site?
363
00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:24,357
Easy, Dad helped me.
364
00:16:25,801 --> 00:16:28,544
That's the thing
about furniture.
365
00:16:28,546 --> 00:16:30,738
It has an agenda.
366
00:16:31,883 --> 00:16:33,716
Oh, sweet tomboys!
367
00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,235
-This is terrible!
-I know.
368
00:16:36,387 --> 00:16:38,479
If the Phillies don't get
at least 3.5 runs today,
369
00:16:38,556 --> 00:16:41,124
-I'll have to sell my bike.
-[groans]
370
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:44,627
-[camera shutters clicking]
-[speaking Macedonian]
371
00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:52,093
Thank you for coming, but I have
something I need to confess.
372
00:16:58,926 --> 00:17:01,519
Yeah, okay, he wants
to say that, uh,
373
00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:03,855
well, he loves playing
here in Springfield
374
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,690
and, uh, what you call it,
375
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,309
oh, everybody should, uh,
buckle up on the way home.
376
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:10,528
Right? Click it or ticket, okay.
377
00:17:12,181 --> 00:17:14,073
[shouting in Macedonian]
378
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,944
That's Macedonian
for "Go Topes."
379
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:21,113
[reporters murmuring]
380
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:23,708
Yeah, Steve Gelbs,
Draft-Pigs News.
381
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:27,378
Walkov, why are you crying
and whipping yourself?
382
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,126
Oh, Walkov's
just real excited, uh,
383
00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:36,295
for the big series
in Pittsburgh.
384
00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:39,206
And, um, oh, he's always wanted
to ride that, uh,
385
00:17:39,284 --> 00:17:41,634
Duquesne Incline Funicular.
386
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,953
Matt Lauer,
Senior Baseball Correspondent
387
00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:45,805
for BetBastards.com.
388
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:48,624
I think I can speak
for all of us when I say...
389
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:51,885
we completely buy
that explanation.
390
00:17:51,963 --> 00:17:52,886
[murmuring agreement]
391
00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:55,448
[crying]
392
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:00,227
Great, very good questions.
393
00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:03,155
Hard-hitting.
See youse at the ballpark.
394
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:05,566
Wait one milk of magnesia
minute.
395
00:18:05,643 --> 00:18:08,252
I have a question--
not for Walkov,
396
00:18:08,329 --> 00:18:10,421
but for an old friend.
397
00:18:10,498 --> 00:18:12,090
[gasps]
398
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:14,817
[chuckles] This is only
for credentialed press.
399
00:18:14,819 --> 00:18:16,910
Shut up, skinny Weinstein.
400
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,765
What do you say when baseball's
unquenchable pursuit of greed
401
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:23,750
leads to a ten-year-old boy
402
00:18:23,828 --> 00:18:25,770
gambling on your sport?
403
00:18:25,847 --> 00:18:28,664
I'm just gambling till I get
myself out of this hole.
404
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,349
And then I'm going to quit.
405
00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:31,609
[whimpering]
406
00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:33,111
Until football starts.
407
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:35,020
Bart? Betting?
408
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:37,281
[moaning]
409
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:40,009
Walkov, who do you like
for the AFC South?
410
00:18:40,027 --> 00:18:41,677
The Titans are plus 750.
411
00:18:41,679 --> 00:18:43,012
No!
412
00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:45,289
Oh, he's just
a sweet, innocent kid.
413
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:48,775
Just like Walkov,
and I've ruined 'em both.
414
00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:51,354
Uh, the truth is...
415
00:18:51,356 --> 00:18:53,522
-Walkov's been gambling.
-[gasping]
416
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:55,800
Yeah, youse is right
to gasp and murmur.
417
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:58,043
He's been betting
like a plumber on payday.
418
00:18:58,196 --> 00:18:59,695
He's betting on baseball.
419
00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:01,547
-[gasping]
-But baseball's this sport.
420
00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:02,865
And it's all your fault.
421
00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:04,550
Baseball used to be about men
422
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:06,477
making hundreds
of millions of dollars
423
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:08,053
to play a child's game.
424
00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:10,648
And then
money came into the picture.
425
00:19:10,725 --> 00:19:13,818
And now the whole league
is in bed with the bookies.
426
00:19:13,895 --> 00:19:17,655
The teams, the stadiums,
even the networks.
427
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:20,716
But we always tell them
to gamble responsibly.
428
00:19:20,718 --> 00:19:23,369
Oh, yeah, and I tell my
booze bags to drink responsibly.
429
00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:25,496
[belches]
430
00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:27,056
I'm... drunk.
431
00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:29,316
Gambling's the top
of the food chain now.
432
00:19:29,394 --> 00:19:30,726
Pays all your salaries.
433
00:19:30,728 --> 00:19:33,654
But, hey, when a potato
out of dirt like Walkov
434
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:36,248
actually makes a bet, oh-ho-ho,
435
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:38,584
you hypocrites
pretend to be offended.
436
00:19:38,736 --> 00:19:41,921
You've ruined the six-hour
sun slog between guys
437
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,664
that are too skinny for football
438
00:19:43,741 --> 00:19:45,183
and too short for basketball
439
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:49,854
that used to deserve
to be called America's Pastime.
440
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:51,171
[ashamed murmuring]
441
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:54,417
Thanks, Moe.
You did save baseball.
442
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:56,435
Nah, we did.
443
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:59,012
After a thorough
45-minute investigation,
444
00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:02,258
the commissioner's office has
determined that Aeropos Walkov
445
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:05,928
is completely innocent of
betting on baseball.
446
00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:07,688
The guilty party was
determined to be
447
00:20:07,765 --> 00:20:10,875
the disgraced former team
translator Moe Szyslak.
448
00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:12,451
Looking for a fresh start,
449
00:20:12,603 --> 00:20:15,604
Walkov has signed
an $800 million contract
450
00:20:15,606 --> 00:20:19,458
with the newly renamed
San Francisco Draft-Pigs.
451
00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,702
I rich here now.
452
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,704
Giggity!
453
00:20:23,781 --> 00:20:26,557
[sighs] I guess when
you have to choose between
454
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:28,559
your moneymaker or your Moe,
455
00:20:28,636 --> 00:20:30,135
the decision's pretty easy.
456
00:20:30,212 --> 00:20:32,955
At least Bart
isn't gambling anymore.
457
00:20:32,957 --> 00:20:34,381
Drinks are on me, boys.
458
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,125
Well, at least he's not losing.
459
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,476
[Bart chuckling]
460
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:38,903
[singing "Take Me Out to
the Ball Game" in Macedonian]
461
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,312
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
462
00:20:40,465 --> 00:20:42,573
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TOYOTA.
463
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:44,575
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
464
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:51,898
[Jomboy] Photo shoot taking place on the infield
465
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,066
and Gramps isn't having it.
466
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,477
"This isn't what I bought a ticket for!
467
00:20:54,479 --> 00:20:56,145
I didn't come to see ads gettin' filmed!"
468
00:20:56,147 --> 00:20:57,088
Throws the ticket on the field.
469
00:20:57,164 --> 00:20:58,739
One poke, two poke, three pokes.
470
00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:00,332
"Oh, I'm gonna have to turn my hat around!"
471
00:21:00,334 --> 00:21:01,742
"I'll turn my hat around!
472
00:21:01,744 --> 00:21:04,095
"I hate all this marketing! It's everywhere!
473
00:21:04,171 --> 00:21:05,821
It's even on the bases!"
474
00:21:05,823 --> 00:21:07,080
Throws the base.
475
00:21:07,082 --> 00:21:11,084
"It's bad for baseball!"
476
00:21:11,086 --> 00:21:12,436
And he says, "Okay." One nose kiss,
477
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,421
two nose kisses, three nose kisses.
478
00:21:14,499 --> 00:21:15,922
They think he's done with nose kisses.
479
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,501
He comes back for a fourth.
480
00:21:18,503 --> 00:21:20,260
He says, "Oh, you want to kiss my nose?"
481
00:21:20,338 --> 00:21:21,687
He goes, "I'll throw my hat.
482
00:21:21,764 --> 00:21:23,430
"I'll kick dirt on it with my left foot.
483
00:21:23,508 --> 00:21:25,599
"And then I'll eject you from my phone
484
00:21:25,676 --> 00:21:27,100
"and kick my hat with the right foot.
485
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,327
I'm outta here."
486
00:21:29,363 --> 00:21:30,121
Shh!
35091
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