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1
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861
Jerry! Jerry, come on!
2
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,172
We got to go!
You got to come with me, Jerry!
3
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,436
- Rick?
- It's important, Jerry.
4
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,509
The fate of the galaxy
rests on your shoulders.
5
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,825
Let's go. Put some pants on.
6
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,911
N-Never mind, there's no time
for pants, Jerry.
7
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,636
I'll make you a pair of pants
on the way.
8
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,373
It's a Rick and Jerry adventure!
9
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,250
Rick and Jerry episode!
10
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,200
Then I thought,
"hey, what about Jerry?
11
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,244
He's... he's good
with regular folk."
12
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246
This is a real situation
where... where...
13
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,914
Where Jerry could really shine.
14
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,624
He's a master convincer."
15
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,043
Rick, I'm not an idiot.
I know what this is.
16
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,920
Oh. Okay, well, I told morty,
17
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,315
"look, parents get divorced.
They get sad. He'll be fine,"
18
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,050
but I think he's worried
you're gonna, you know... tht!
19
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,736
And you know how morty gets
when he gets emotional.
20
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,760
It impedes my work.
21
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,972
So, I told him I'd take you out
and give you a win.
22
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,473
Wait. My son asked you
to take me
23
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,060
on some kind of pity adventure
to keep me from killing myself?
24
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,520
Wait, w-what
did you think it was?
25
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,022
An execution.
26
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,149
Geez! You really do need a win.
27
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,609
No! I-I don't know.
28
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,374
I mean, you never made me
the pants, so...
29
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,879
So, you thought
I was gonna drive you
30
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,583
into the middle of the galaxy
and shove you
31
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,550
into the vacuum of space
with your dick hanging out?
32
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,201
And we're seeing how you'd act
if that were about to happen?
33
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,054
I mean, shit, I'll make you
the pants right now.
34
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,954
Take me two seconds
to make you pants.
35
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,890
- I have pants at home!
- Jerry, if I make pants,
36
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,350
they'll be better than
your pants at home.
37
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,560
Also, if I wanted to kill you...
38
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,586
Yeah, I get it. It'd be amazing.
39
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,795
Please, take me home.
40
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,680
I'll tell my son we had
an amazing adventure.
41
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,774
Well, if it's all the same,
42
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,151
could we go
get our story straight?
43
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,360
Because you're a terrible liar.
44
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,844
You called me
a master convincer!
45
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,970
You believed me?
46
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,728
Huh. This seems... kind of fancy.
47
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,497
Jerry, for all you know,
this is the equivalent
48
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,606
of an alien truck stop.
49
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,958
You have no frame of reference.
50
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,662
You're in a universe
beyond your imagining.
51
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,819
But, yes, it is super fancy.
52
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,380
I mean, my job here is
to make morty happy.
53
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,007
I'm not gonna take you
somewhere dangerous.
54
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,949
Rick Sanchez.
55
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,243
I told you if I ever saw
your face in here again,
56
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,120
I would stick you
like the pig you are.
57
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,582
Shnoopy bloopers,
I told you if you tried...
58
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,834
There'd be two funerals.
59
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,836
Aaah!
60
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,546
Someone?
61
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,008
Uh, someone? Someone!
62
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,889
My friend! It has been too long.
63
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,575
Rick: Oh, it's great
to see you again, buddy!
64
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,351
Yeah, you're doing it.
65
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,520
Mr. Sanchez gets
anything he wants!
66
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,480
The resort's covered
in an immortality field.
67
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,125
You can't die here.
That's the gimmick.
68
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,570
Okay, but still...
Bad parenting.
69
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,322
Hey, rich a-holes
are rich a-holes.
70
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,847
They all pay top dollar
to come here
71
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,701
and enjoy a consequence-free
vacafion.
72
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,786
No death, no disease,
no dismemberment.
73
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,791
Can't even have a heart attack.
74
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,914
Got it. The perfect place
75
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041
to take the most fragile being
in the universe.
76
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,686
I can tell you expect me
to refute that,
77
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836
but it's right on the money.
78
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:31,979
If I come home without you,
79
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,564
I doubt morty's gonna
let me off the hook.
80
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,133
Yeah, but what if you came home
with Jeff goldblum?
81
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,844
Jeff goldblum? What the fuck
are you talking about, Jerry?
82
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,137
Jesus!
83
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,847
Holy fucking shit!
84
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,265
Yo, what's up, "big chill"?!
85
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,808
Don't go into that telepod!
86
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936
Hey, maybe we would have fun
on a fake adventure.
87
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,730
On a fake adventure.
88
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,648
Speaking of,
what are we gonna tell morty?
89
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,275
I don't know.
But whatever it is,
90
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,240
we're gonna need a couple more
of these babies!
91
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,406
What's wrong?
92
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,450
Mom, do you think I'm hot?
93
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,870
I... don't think that's something
that matters.
94
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,621
So, I'm not hot?!
95
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,915
I'm saying the part of you
that cares about that
96
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,751
is a part you shouldn't
give any energy to.
97
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,002
That's not an answer!
98
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,004
Because I'm not an issue
of cosmo, okay?
99
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,314
I'm your mother
and a doctor, and...
100
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,631
I'm hideous!
101
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,217
Geez. What's with her?
102
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,386
Teenage-girl stuff.
103
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264
Is that a... hoof collage?
104
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,058
It's perfectly legal,
if that's what you're wondering.
105
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,020
Cool... zies.
106
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,689
"We just don't have anything
in common anymore, summer."
107
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,191
Oh, yeah, Ethan?
108
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,151
What do you have in common
with tricia lange?
109
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028
A mutual love of French cinema?
110
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,571
The belief that a carbon tax
111
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,449
is the only viable solution
to climate change?
112
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827
Or could it be
her massive stripper titties?!
113
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078
There it is.
114
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,415
Boob-ya!
115
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292
And that's when
Malakai the squid king
116
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:57,088
rips off his face,
and beneath it is my face.
117
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,925
- I liked it.
- Thank you, sir.
118
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,569
Yeah, of course he likes it.
Look at him.
119
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,595
Motherfucker got two heads
and three trunks.
120
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,864
All right,
we'll put a pin in it.
121
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,556
I'm gonna go take a leak.
122
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,941
Vvhatthe”.
123
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,699
Ah! My hands are dry!
My hands are dry!
124
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,496
My name is Risotto groupon.
125
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,957
I am the assistant general
manager of the restaurant.
126
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,375
Do you have any comment cards?
127
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,252
Because I might have
some thoughts.
128
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,422
My kingdom was usurped by force
with weapons and technology
129
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,299
supplied by your father-in-law!
130
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,468
Hey, he usurped
my kingdom, too, man.
131
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,304
He basically got me kicked out
of my home, stole my family.
132
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,557
Then we are brothers,
and you have wondered
133
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,600
what your life could have been
without Rick.
134
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,601
Wondered? Sure.
135
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,187
I mean, I've wondered
about having a vagina.
136
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,373
Would you help me kill him?
137
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,397
What? No!
138
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,441
He's my wife's father. Move on.
139
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,610
Do you... like theme-park rides?
140
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,987
Oh, you really moved on.
141
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,616
There is a popular attraction
here called the whirly dirly.
142
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,369
Between the first whirly
and the third dirly,
143
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,289
the ride dips just outside
the immortality field.
144
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,708
You're asking me to lure Rick
to his death?
145
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,377
I'm only asking you
to go on a ride with Rick,
146
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,630
get off the ride without Rick,
and go home to your family,
147
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,966
where you can...
Wonder about having a vagina.
148
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,777
Okay, okay, that was
a very specific example
149
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,801
pulled from thin air.
150
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,566
I don't want to be known
as the vagina guy.
151
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,806
Risotto, you're needed.
Someone ordered
152
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,058
the nuzzy guzzy fresh
and fluzzy special.
153
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936
Look, I'm not like Rick,
154
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,230
so you're free to do
as you please.
155
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,274
But there comes a time
in every man's life
156
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,234
when he must choose
the foundation
157
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361
on which his legacy
will be built...
158
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,489
One of compromise
or one of blood.
159
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,538
J“ once a time of year,
there's a special person here j“
160
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,504
Oh, yeah.
161
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,258
That's what I'm talking about.
162
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,137
Oops! Okay, a little more
on the other side, then.
163
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,555
Oh, come on!
164
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,932
Oh, geez!
165
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,558
Aah! Stop!
166
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,270
So, the hospital just let you
walk right out of there
167
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,688
with horse parts in a bag?
168
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,708
For Christ's sakes, morty,
women going through a divorce
169
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,733
need a creative outlet.
170
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,568
What was that?
171
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072
Summer!
172
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,992
I'm coming, summer!
173
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,371
What the hell happened?!
174
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,518
How do we get her
back to normal?!
175
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,878
I don't know, man! This thing
is pretty complicated.
176
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,421
I-I'm gonna call Rick.
177
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,346
Well, hold on.
We can't just call your grandpa
178
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,675
whenever there's a problem.
179
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,301
We can handle this ourselves.
180
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303
I mean, I don't see the point
in trying to.
181
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,138
This is obviously
Rick-level shit.
182
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,807
I have a medical degree.
183
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,183
Is that what this is about?
184
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,726
L-Like, you want
to prove yourself?
185
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,937
Oh, it's not about anything,
morty. How dare you?
186
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,498
Okay, good.
Then I'll just call... ow!
187
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,232
Morty, I need this.
188
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,690
Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here
says he knows a place
189
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,737
where the ladies drop panties
for anyone bi-pedal.
190
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,142
Yeah, I'm not really interested.
191
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,782
My heart still belongs to Beth.
192
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,200
Oh. Huh. Okay.
193
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,161
What, you don't think
I have a shot?
194
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,329
I didn't say that.
195
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456
Excuse me.
May I have another one of these?
196
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,166
Coming right up.
197
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,961
Hmm, things weren't always
so bad between Beth and me.
198
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,772
We had some good times
when we were younger.
199
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,796
Oh, yeah, I bet.
200
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,924
That's how teenage pregnancy
happens, my friend.
201
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,259
Yeah, no.
202
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,720
Things were pretty great, even
until a couple of years ago.
203
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,929
Jerry, I get it.
204
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,782
That's around the time
I moved in with you guys.
205
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,016
Oh, I guess you're right.
206
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,868
Jerry, you know,
I hope you're not suggesting
207
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,745
that I had anything to do
with your marriage breaking up,
208
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,397
because there are some major
issues between you and Beth
209
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149
that have been there
since you guys met.
210
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,069
Hey, to new beginnings.
211
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,530
To the whirly dirly.
212
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,073
The whirly dirly?
213
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,491
All right, what's going on here?
214
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,202
When did you get cool?!
215
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,913
When you stole my wife!
216
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,266
I should have done that
a long time ago!
217
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,666
We're going on the whirly dirly!
218
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,376
Whirly dirly, baby.
219
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,337
Aha, look at this.
220
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,631
It says "normalize."
I bet if we just press that...
221
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,217
But... if the machine was made
by spider people,
222
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,886
normal would mean eight legs.
223
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,971
Oh, god! Are you gonna
go on another spiel
224
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,890
like you did
with the flesh-colored crayon?
225
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,309
I'm pretty sure "normalize"
will make her normal.
226
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,896
Aah!
227
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,856
I'd call that progress.
228
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,483
- She's huge!
- And normal!
229
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,068
- I'm not normal!
- Mom!
230
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,793
Okay, this says "reverse."
Done and done.
231
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,196
I don't think
that's a good idea.
232
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,823
Oh, come on! What else
could "reverse" possibly mean?
233
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787
Mom, call Rick!
234
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,330
Thank you.
235
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,849
There's a customer-service
number on here.
236
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,209
Mom!
237
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,464
Oh, man.
This is gonna be awesome!
238
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,175
I got to hand it to you, Jerry.
This was a solid idea.
239
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,510
Uh, yeah. Uh-huh.
240
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,345
And you know what?
I'll cop to it.
241
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,055
I put a lot of strain
on your marriage.
242
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,015
It wasn't fair. I'm sorry.
243
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,743
- What?!
- I didn't respect your marriage.
244
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,161
I certainly
didn't do it any favors.
245
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,311
And for what it's worth,
246
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,438
I'll apologize to Beth for it
when we get home.
247
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,857
Whoo! Whirly dirly! Yeah!
248
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,609
Stop the ride!
We got to get off.
249
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,003
What are you
talking about, buddy?
250
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,713
We got to get out of this thing.
We got to get out!
251
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,364
Jerry, come on, man!
252
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,199
We haven't even gotten
to the first whirly.
253
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,409
No, no, this sucks.
It's so boring.
254
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,762
I mean, I'm falling asleep here.
255
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,704
Let's just get out
and crawl down the sides.
256
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,715
Ah, get down! Duck down!
257
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,151
It's more fun
when you scrunch down.
258
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,927
Rick: Jerry, what the...
259
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,804
Oh, shit.
260
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,406
Rick, up here! There's
a spot where you can kill him!
261
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,825
Good call, Jerry!
262
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,829
- Hey, how'd you know about that?
- Uh...
263
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,763
Lisa?
264
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:31,149
So, uh, Jerry, big fan
of the whirly dirly, are you?
265
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,359
Not anymore. Obviously.
266
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,154
But when you were,
how did you know about it?
267
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,744
We had a deal, Jerry Smith.
268
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,249
It's a really common name.
269
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,251
Now, take it easy, Rick.
270
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879
You've been in a serious
roller-coaster crash.
271
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,604
It's... it's no time
to be thinking about
272
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,258
who did or didn't play a role
in your attempted murder.
273
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,719
Get it off me! It's eating me!
274
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,346
Look, I confess, okay?
275
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,365
They told me about all the
bad stuff you did to this planet
276
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,075
and reminded me of all
the bad stuff you did to me.
277
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,911
But then you said
you were sorry, and I realized
278
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,329
you're not a monster...
Not like this thing.
279
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,562
Fuck! It's got me good.
280
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,939
This is a mislead, right?
281
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,982
You're inventing a thing
to save me.
282
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,376
That would be called
a knife, Jerry.
283
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,400
It's been invented.
284
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,987
I'm making a way out of here.
One seat ought to do it.
285
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,322
I'm sorry. I-I made a mistake.
286
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,491
- I won't do it again!
- Nobody ever does.
287
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,912
You self-righteous
piece of shit!
288
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,372
You took my family!
289
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,873
I took your family?
290
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,351
Who do you think
had more taken from them
291
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,753
when you shot 2000 of liquid
dream-killer into my daughter?
292
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,881
She was Rick's daughter, Jerry.
She had options!
293
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:37,507
Oof.
294
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,717
That all ended
because she felt sorry for you.
295
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719
You act like prey,
but you're a predator!
296
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,388
You use pity to lure in
your victims!
297
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,555
That's how you survive!
298
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,432
I survive
because I know everything.
299
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,643
That snakes survives
because children wander off,
300
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,162
and you survive
because people think,
301
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,355
"oh, this poor piece of shit.
He never gets a break.
302
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,524
I can't stand
the deafening silent wails
303
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,650
of his wilting soul.
304
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,568
I guess I'll hire him
or marry him."
305
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,613
Rick! Rick!
306
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,204
I knew you wouldn't let me die.
307
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,372
That was never an option.
308
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,957
Because you never had a son.
309
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,583
No, because I need
a living organism
310
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,712
coated in gibble snake bile
to attract a shmooglite runner.
311
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,898
- Wait, what's happening?
- Use that confusion, Jerry.
312
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,842
It'll make you wriggle more like
an abandoned newborn.
313
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720
Jesus Christ!
314
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,680
What the fuck, Rick?!
315
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,183
Help! Help me!
316
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,186
Aaah!
317
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,031
There's a space port
20 miles south.
318
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,116
We'll be able to board
a galaxy class cruise ship
319
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,719
and jump through a wormhole
that will put us
320
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,037
within spitting distance
of the milky way.
321
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,580
But, hey,
it's about the journey,
322
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,457
not the destination,
right, Jerry?
323
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,838
Just stay put, sweetie!
Mom's still on hold.
324
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,923
Morphizer customer service.
How may I help you?
325
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,384
Yes, I'm having a little trouble
with one of your machines.
326
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,886
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that, ma'am.
327
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,680
Do you see a little compartment
on the side of the machine?
328
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,932
Let me check. Yes, got it.
329
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,850
- Mom?
- Great!
330
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,935
Now, do you see
the little button next to it?
331
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,979
- I do.
- Give that button a push.
332
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,564
- Okay.
- Mom, listen to me!
333
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,941
We're free!!
334
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,778
Okay, so I pushed the button,
and three little men ran out.
335
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,613
What do I do next?
336
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,781
Hello?
337
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,324
I think we got disconnected.
338
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,284
- Morty!
- Don't "morty" me!
339
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,286
I tricked Rick into taking dad
on an adventure
340
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,597
because I thought
I could get a break
341
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,289
from this kind of shit, but no!
342
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291
Like father,
like goddamn daughter!
343
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,585
You want to be like Rick,
congratulations!
344
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,505
You're just as arrogant
and just as irresponsible!
345
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,006
Everything okay here?
346
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,674
Mind your own goddamn business,
gene!
347
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,469
I'm having a conversation
with my mother here!
348
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,097
Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna
help him keep him around, mom,
349
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,307
but it will help you lose
everyone else.
350
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,184
Like I lost summer.
351
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,144
Hey, you haven't lost her yet.
352
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,729
No, I definitely did.
She's gone.
353
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,481
God damn it!
354
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,026
Go ahead.
355
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,696
- Oh, come on.
- What's happening?
356
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,908
Your friend has class c or above
cybernetic augmentations.
357
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,493
Emphasis on the above.
358
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,804
In any case,
he needs to be neutralized.
359
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,205
- What?! Wait!
- Ugh!
360
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,499
Brain hurty.
361
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,624
What did you do?
362
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,686
It's a synaptic dampener
that blocks violent tendencies
363
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,129
and controversial thought.
364
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131
He will now be anidealpassenger
365
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,716
I want cookies
and a 90-minute cut of "avatar."
366
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,135
Seriously?
367
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,011
- Quit it.
- It'll wear off in six hours.
368
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,472
It's cheaper than banning
dangerous people from flights.
369
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,237
I mean, let everybody
buy a ticket, right?
370
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,101
Otherwise, the terrorists win.
371
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,065
Aah!
372
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,484
I'm sorry I'm not
a classic maternal archetype.
373
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,421
Okay, I don't know what to do
when you people come to me
374
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,155
with your weird puberty issues.
375
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,200
What are you gonna do
when your daughter asks you
376
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,366
if she's attractive?
377
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,535
- I'll say, "yes"!
- Morty, gross!
378
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,663
Well, she's gonna be super hot.
Her mother's gonna be Jessica.
379
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,498
Wait, when did summer
ask you that?!
380
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,042
Right before she clive barkered
herself. Why?
381
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,419
Wait, I know where she is!
382
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,337
Ethan and summer were
supposed to go camping,
383
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,631
and then he dumped summer
for this girl tricia lange,
384
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,842
who's got huge boobies,
and took her.
385
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,945
Campsite... the one with the
name that sounds like somebody
386
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,512
gave up halfway
through naming it.
387
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,598
Uh... camp flabanabba!
388
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,099
Mama's coming, baby.
389
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,894
Mama's coming, and she cares
about your titties!
390
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,980
They have
sweet smiggle honey cookies.
391
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,108
Mmm! And low-calorie
petroleum flakes.
392
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,359
Obviously cookies.
393
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,712
Let's get you the flakes, then.
394
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,321
Okay, but it's not
what I wanted.
395
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,673
Well, maybe next time,
you won't be
396
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,897
such a dumb piece of shit
and you can pick for yourself.
397
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,367
- That's not nice.
- What's that?
398
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,133
Did you just have
a controversial thought?
399
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,704
- No.
- That's what I thought, bitch.
400
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706
You little punk-ass.
401
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,625
This is the best.
402
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502
I agree.
You've made things even easier
403
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,420
than if you hadn't
been incompetent.
404
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,631
Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now.
405
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,694
Man: All right, folks, if you
could please take your seats,
406
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,038
we're about to enter
the wormhole.
407
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,555
So, I hope everybody bought
a dinner first.
408
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,848
- Nice.
- Nice.
409
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,433
Jerry, step over there
410
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,952
and lock yourself
in the escape pod.
411
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,696
- You're not killing us?
- I'm killing Rick.
412
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,439
You're free to go. You're
no threat to me or anyone.
413
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,649
Now you're just being mean.
414
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,108
Yeah, you're mean! No offense.
415
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,735
Mean would be
shooting you, Jerry.
416
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,945
This is saving a bullet.
417
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,738
Go back to
your quietly ashamed family
418
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,323
and live out
the rest of your days
419
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,991
in denial
of your vagina fantasies.
420
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,619
It was a one-time thought
that everyone has!
421
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,705
What are you doing?
422
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,666
I'm being triumphantly brave!
423
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,376
It's not triumphant or brave.
424
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,627
You're not risking anything.
425
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,753
You might shoot me.
426
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,004
I think you know I won't.
427
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,607
Because you know
I feel sorry for you.
428
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,442
You're just doing this
so you can tell yourself
429
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,634
you fought... ow!
430
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,470
Wo ma n:
Temporal shield compromised.
431
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,181
Congratulations, Jerry.
You get to die a man.
432
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558
Uh, that's okay! Phleave!
433
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,352
Please don't shoot.
I-I'm the vagina guy, remember?
434
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,777
Whoa! What is happening to me?
435
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,196
Where is this? Where am I?
436
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,156
Am I dead?
A-Am I... am I still alive?
437
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,451
Rick: Those aren't the questions
you should be asking.
438
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,495
- Huh?!
- Shh!
439
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,228
Ah, got ya!
440
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,553
Come here, you little pumpkin.
441
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,024
I have shit on my ass.
442
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,900
Whoa, fuck this!
443
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,360
Who am I?
444
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,987
Who am I?
445
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,157
I'm time! I'm literally time!
446
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:41,370
All: Whooooa!
447
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,622
Aah!
448
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,708
Oh, god. I feel like
our souls were united,
449
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,793
and we were all one
with eternity.
450
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,337
Our body's unchanged,
451
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,006
yet our minds have lived
a thousand lifetimes.
452
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,050
Is that enough time
for me to forgive you?
453
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,051
I don't know,
but it's enough time
454
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,011
for a synaptic dampener
to wear off.
455
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,474
Jesus!
456
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,684
He hadn't decided
he was still going to kill us!
457
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,849
He was talking himself into it.
I've seen it before.
458
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,731
Cosmic apotheosis wears off
faster than salvia.
459
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,834
I'm starting to believe you
because I just finished merging
460
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,693
with your essence
for an endless epoch,
461
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,818
and I'm already back to thinking
you're an asshole.
462
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,673
Fine with me.
Let's just go our separate ways.
463
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,097
Sounds like you
and the word "epoch"
464
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,479
have a lot of catching up to do.
465
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,826
Wait, don't leave me!
466
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,471
Man: All right, folks,
you're free to get up
467
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,371
and walk around the cabin
468
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,123
and maybe take the wormhole out
for breakfast.
469
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,351
Man #2: Okay,
you can do the dinner one
470
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,793
or the breakfast one,
but not both.
471
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,315
You think you got that thing
figured out?
472
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,459
Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
473
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,133
Beth: Good.
Because I have an idea.
474
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,223
It's actually a contraction
of "some" and "more."
475
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,516
- You see that?
- Oh, wow.
476
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,642
I was way off.
477
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,662
Morty, what's happening here?
478
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,497
Summer got into
my grandpa's garage,
479
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,958
messed around, and
turned herself into a monster.
480
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,918
My mom did the same
to make her feel better.
481
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,211
She's a good mom.
482
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,383
Oh, my god.
I have to go call my mother!
483
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,009
- Tricia, wait!
- Morty: Ethan! Ethan!
484
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,178
Hey, it's okay. Sit down.
485
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,431
You made my sister cry, Ethan.
486
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,974
You messed with her body image.
487
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,101
- Look, morty, I...
- Shh, shh, shh.
488
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,062
Careful, Ethan.
Your s'more is burning.
489
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,950
Uh, I guess we better
get on the same page
490
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452
about our fake adventure.
491
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,870
- Right.
- I'll make you a deal.
492
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,639
I'll leave out the part
where you tried to murder me...
493
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,539
And I'll leave out the part
494
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,708
where you admitted
to sabotaging our marriage.
495
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,003
You want to...
496
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,713
Nah, if the family
sees me like this,
497
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,339
they'll feel sorry for me.
498
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,675
Which is no longer
my signature move.
499
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,802
Later days, amigo.
500
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,366
Actually, I just realized,
I don't have my wallet,
501
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,950
and my bus pass is in there,
so maybe...
502
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,415
Stay strong, Jerry.
I believe in you!
503
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,228
I tell you, fellas.
This is the life.
504
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,771
It certainly is.
505
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,022
To freedom!
506
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,442
Ooh! Looks like a 4-22.
507
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,127
Ooh, a couple cranks
on the scaling knob
508
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,947
with a four dilabyte cross fade
would fix that up in a jiff.
509
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,075
Four? You'd be lucky
to clear 13% de-morphized
510
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,284
with that kind of range.
511
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,079
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
what did we agree on?
512
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,622
Together: No work talk!
513
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,542
Let's just relax and enjoy
our retirement, shall...
514
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,252
Oh, my god!
515
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,795
Aaah!
36242
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