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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,253
Rick: Morty?!
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,256
- Morty!
- Rick?
3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,717
- Rick: Hey, morty?!
- Rick?
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,512
Are you far away,
or are you inside something?
5
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:12,971
Is this a camera?
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,640
Is everything a camera?
7
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,391
Rick: Morty, the garage, morty.
8
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,768
Come to the garage!
9
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,104
- Morty'?
- Riok? W-Where are you?
10
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,430
Rick: On my work bench, morty.
11
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,501
Are you invisible and you're
gonna, like, fart on me?
12
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,609
Rick: Flip the pickle over.
13
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:26,735
What, I'm gonna touch it,
14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,421
and you're gonna tell me it's
an alien dick or something.
15
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,197
Rick: Come on,
flip the pickle, morty.
16
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:33,116
You're not gonna regret it.
The payoff is huge.
17
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,244
I turned myself
into a pickle, morty!
18
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,538
Boom! Big reveal...
I'm a pickle.
19
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,823
What do you think about that?
20
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,624
I turned myself into a pickle!
21
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,626
W-What are you just
staring at me for, bro?
22
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,545
I turned myself
into a pickle, morty!
23
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:45,796
- And?
- And?
24
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,440
What more do you want
tacked on to this?
25
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,133
I turned myself into a pickle,
and 9/11 was an inside job.
26
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,468
- Was it?
- Who cares, morty?
27
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,262
Global acts of terrorism
happen every day.
28
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,427
Uh, here's something
that's never happened before...
29
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,723
I'm a pickle.
30
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,101
I'm pickle Rick!
31
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,514
Are you going to,
I mean, you know...
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00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,641
Is this the first part
of some kind of magic trick?
33
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,643
I don't do magic, morty,
I do science.
34
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,496
One takes brains,
the other takes dark eyeliner.
35
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,689
Well, can you move? Can you fly?
36
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,374
Wouldn't be much
of a pickle if I could.
37
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,360
All right, well, do pickles
live forever or...
38
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:53,614
Morty, stop digging for hidden
layers and just be impressed.
39
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,157
- I'm a pickle.
- I-I'm just trying
40
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,867
to figure out
why you would do this...
41
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,243
Why anyone would do this.
42
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,787
The reason anyone would
do this is, if they could,
43
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,998
which they can't,
would be because they could,
44
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:03,999
which they can't.
45
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,168
Morty, we have to get going,
or we're gonna be late.
46
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,062
- Where's your grandpa?
- Rick: Right here, sweetie.
47
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,546
- I'm a pickle!
- What?!
48
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,006
Why would you... ugh!
49
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,691
Look, we're running late.
We have to go.
50
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:13,925
W-Where are you guys going?
51
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,178
We have an appointment downtown
52
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,222
that was set a week ago
and agreed upon by everyone,
53
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,223
including you.
54
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,518
Oh, my god. Beth, oh,
it totally slipped my mind.
55
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,520
Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle.
56
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,856
I mean, I don't know
if I can... ooh, geez.
57
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,541
Rick, did you do this on purpose
to get out of family counseling?
58
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,985
- Morty!
- It's okay, Beth.
59
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,445
I understand morty's suspicion.
60
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,113
I've misled him before.
61
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,574
Morty, turn me so we're
making eye contact.
62
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,328
Morty, I assure you,
I would never find a way
63
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,455
to get out of family therapy.
64
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,180
I hope my lack of fingers
doesn't prevent
65
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,875
the perception of my air quotes.
66
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,561
Can't you just turn yourself
back into a human?
67
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,628
Great question, summer.
68
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,631
The unfortunate answer is
I did this to challenge myself.
69
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,591
And it could take hours
or even days
70
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,997
before I'm able to figure out
how to return to human form.
71
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,780
But, I mean, you know,
your mom could put me
72
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,347
in a purse or a pocket,
you know,
73
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,574
if she really needs me to go.
74
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,725
Nobody needs anything.
Okay, it's fine.
75
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,536
I mean, you should just
stay here and figure out
76
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,853
how to stop being
a pickle, okay?
77
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,815
Hey, Rick, why is there
a syringe of mysterious fluid
78
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,233
hanging directly over you?
79
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,694
Also, why is the string
attached to it running through
80
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,445
a pair of scissors
attached to a timer?
81
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,948
And why is the timer set
to 10 minutes from now,
82
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,409
exactly when we would
have left for therapy?
83
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,704
Well, morty, if you must know,
84
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,456
the syringe is completely
unrelated to this discussion
85
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,434
and, therefore, does not warrant
further explanation.
86
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,961
Enough. Kids, it's time to go.
We don't want to be late.
87
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,462
W-W-What are you
doing there, Beth?
88
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,856
W-What are you doing there,
sweetie?
89
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,733
Well, I mean, you don't
want to get pierced by a needle
90
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,843
full of liquid unrelated
to your situation.
91
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,094
How's that gonna help?
92
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,429
Can't argue with that.
93
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,634
Great. We'll see you later.
94
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,962
Hey, hey, be careful with that.
95
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,117
It's for something else.
96
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,284
It's really important,
97
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,308
so don't break it.
98
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,938
Okay, I may have fucked up here.
99
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,067
Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut,
dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
100
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,819
T-T-Tah, tah.
101
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,164
Oh, great.
102
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,417
Stupid cat.
103
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,604
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I know what it looks like
104
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,046
to you, Izzy,
but I'm not a snake!
105
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,691
I've seen the YouTube videos.
I know cats are scared
106
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,943
of cucumbers and pickles because
they think they're snakes.
107
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,302
I'm not a snake!
108
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,678
I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
109
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:22,888
Whoa!
110
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,098
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
111
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,269
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
112
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,480
Okay, come on.
113
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,999
This can't really be
the way I go out.
114
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,441
This is the mega-genius
equivalent
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00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,193
of dying on the toilet.
116
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,530
80 hot.
117
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,365
This is how I'm gonna die.
118
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,002
Oh, god, moisture.
119
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,505
Oh, god, the moisture.
Dial it back, god.
120
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,507
Dial it back a little bit here!
121
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,716
Oh! Oh.
122
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,221
Oh, god!
123
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,348
Perpendicular, perpendicular!
124
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,933
Oh, shit!
125
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,143
Oh! Oh!
126
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,694
Oh!
127
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,454
Come on. That's it.
128
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,581
Come get this delicious brine.
129
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,706
Aah!
130
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,711
Come on! Come on, motherfucker!
131
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,046
Come on!
132
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,572
How is this even family therapy
133
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,032
if dad's not invited
and grandpa won't come?
134
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,243
Yeah, and what's courageous
about eating a hot dog?
135
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,579
It's nobody's choice
to be here, you knobs.
136
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,331
The family was told to get
counseling by your principal,
137
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,083
even though it's not
the family that was
138
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,544
huffing pottery glaze
in the art room
139
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,296
and desk wetting
in history class.
140
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,172
Oh, the Smith family,
141
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,549
minus a dad.
142
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,384
You're patients
of Dr. Wong, too?
143
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,386
Temporarily...
By order of the school.
144
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,472
Me too. How long have
you all been eating poop?
145
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,935
We... have never... eaten poop.
146
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,520
Uh, me, neither.
147
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,690
Say, where did my family
get off to?
148
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,483
Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong.
149
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,027
Come on in.
150
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,034
I was told there was a grandpa
that might be joining us?
151
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,994
He got wrapped up
in an experiment.
152
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,746
He's a scientist.
153
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,081
Like, legit,
like on a an inter-galactic,
154
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,750
sckfilevel his work is very...
155
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,155
He turned himself into a pickle.
156
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,295
Morty, mom's talking. I'm sorry.
157
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,213
I suppose that's a good segue
158
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,633
into our little
discipline cases here.
159
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,469
Does grandpa turn himself
into a pickle a lot?
160
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,513
What?! No!
What kind of question is that?
161
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,475
The kind that wasn't designed to
attack or hurt you in any way.
162
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,852
Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these.
163
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,272
No, my father has never turned
himself into a pickle before.
164
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,566
He's unpredictable
and eccentric.
165
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,818
The whole family is.
Speaking of which...
166
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,780
Okay, let's open things up
to the whole family,
167
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,949
and let me ask this.
168
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,118
Why do we think grandpa
turned himself into a pickle?
169
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,213
Wow. Ugh!
170
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,551
Hey, listen, I know this
is your world, not mine.
171
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,363
The sooner I can get out,
the sooner I can go back
172
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,556
to taking big craps, and you can
go back to subsisting on them.
173
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,892
You are one driven rat.
174
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,854
Could you be
a little more driven?
175
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,731
To the right.
176
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,693
Yes, yes, yes!
177
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,778
Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
178
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,780
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
was this your friend?
179
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,782
Don't worry, he died
doing what he loved,
180
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,367
being a dumb fucking rat.
181
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,931
Oh, yeah!
182
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,914
Aaaah!
183
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,624
I didn't say
my father is perfect,
184
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,084
I said his work is important.
185
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,919
And she's saying
what's important is
186
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,045
that grandpa lied to you
to get out of coming here.
187
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,088
Oh, he did not!
188
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,549
Let's do an experiment here.
189
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,926
I get the impression
this family values science.
190
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,179
So raise your hand
if you feel certain
191
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,056
you know what was
in the syringe.
192
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,601
Raise your hand
if you know for certain
193
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,812
the syringe does not
contain anti-pickle serum.
194
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,125
Beth, your hand did
a little thing there.
195
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,543
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
196
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,444
- Tell me.
- Well, Dr. Wong...
197
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,029
By the way, racist name...
198
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,156
Obviously, morty and summer
are seizing on your
199
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,408
arbitrary pickle obsession
as an end run
200
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,619
around what was supposed
to be their therapy.
201
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,997
Oh, I think this pickle incident
is a better path than any other
202
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,999
to the heart of
your family's dysfunction.
203
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,924
I think it's possible
that you and your father
204
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,170
have a very specific dynamic.
205
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,295
I don't think it's one
206
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,131
that rewards emotion
or vulnerability.
207
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,508
I think it may punish them.
208
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,177
I think it's possible that
dynamic eroded your marriage
209
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,096
and is infecting
your kids with a tendency
210
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,847
to misdirect their feelings.
211
00:09:59,140 --> 00:09:59,933
Fuck you.
212
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,934
- Mom!
- Mom!
213
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,059
Fuck both of you, too.
214
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,356
By the way, you might notice
that in spite of
215
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,149
your numerous
distinctive features
216
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,736
I never gave you a name
like scar or stripe or Goliath.
217
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,197
That's because, to me,
you aren't special.
218
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,491
You were special to rats.
Now they're dead.
219
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,910
I guess it was me
you should have impressed.
220
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,703
God damn it, I love myself.
221
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,383
Pickle Rick!
222
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,024
Get that parkour.
Get that parkour!
223
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,988
Hey, it's cool.
224
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,340
Just need to find
the nearest exit.
225
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,907
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No need to freak out.
226
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,868
Whoa!
227
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,414
Who in the fuck's toilet
is this?
228
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,380
What is it?
229
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,883
A pickle? A rat? Both.
230
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,527
It says it's a scientist.
231
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,719
Where is it?
232
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,554
It seems to be
using the air ducts
233
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,181
and the mail tubes
to get around.
234
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,850
It's been gathering
office supplies, we think,
235
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,143
to build weaponry.
236
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,687
But look what it did
on the mezzanine.
237
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,649
It transferred a bottle from
the trash to the recycling bin.
238
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:35,236
Whatever this thing is,
it's shaming us.
239
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,822
We have 34 armed guards,
and we can't kill a pickle?
240
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,824
32 armed guards.
241
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,618
He killed two.
242
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:42,785
It's on the phone.
243
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,705
Put him on, and locate
the phone he's using.
244
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,123
Hello.
245
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,126
Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh
please let me out?
246
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,753
Your mere presence
in this building
247
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,630
violates international law.
248
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,758
I couldn't let you out even
if you hadn't killed two men.
249
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,010
You should know
those men killed themselves.
250
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,762
Pavel: And how is that?
251
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,764
Rick: They didn't let me out.
252
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,598
Solen'ya.
253
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,058
Shut your mouth and do yourjobs,
254
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,183
you fucking children!
255
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,102
Uh, is this not
a good time or...
256
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,813
Some of my men
are calling you "solen'ya"...
257
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:14,150
The pickle man,
an old wives' tale.
258
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,777
He crawls from
bowls of cold soup
259
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,029
to steal the dreams
of wasteful children.
260
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,634
Rick:
That'd be a lucky break for you.
261
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:20,823
Go, shoot to kill.
262
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,492
Aaah!
263
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,965
We got him.
264
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,008
Rick: Because this pickle
265
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,177
doesn't care about
your children.
266
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,388
And I'm not gonna
take their dreams.
267
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,307
I'm gonna take their parents.
268
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,826
Solen'ya! He's coming!
269
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,537
It's because I threw
halfway my sandwich!
270
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,330
He's just a pickle!
271
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,498
He's a monster.
272
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,208
He's not the only one.
273
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:25,221
You can stay dead to the world
and die in this room.
274
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:29,350
Or you can kill a pickle for me
and earn your freedom.
275
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:33,604
There is no freedom while
your leader breathes.
276
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,773
Our country is a prison.
277
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,608
Then catarina is a prisoner.
278
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,111
Perhaps I could arrange
her escape, as well.
279
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,739
She lives, Jaguar.
280
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,242
Where is this pickle?
281
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,536
What do you think is
in the syringe, Beth?
282
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,247
You're the one that costs
$200 an hour. You tell me.
283
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,891
- Anti-pickle serum.
- It's anti-pickle serum.
284
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,793
Your kids think it might be
anti-pickle serum.
285
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,547
My kids pee their desks
and suck on unbaked vases.
286
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,712
They're just angry at me
for divorcing their father.
287
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,217
I never said I was angry at you.
288
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,470
That's the point of
pottery-enamel huffing, summer.
289
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,096
You do it so you
don't have to say,
290
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,140
"I'm angry at mommy," out loud.
291
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,808
Oh, my god! Oh, there...
292
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,935
There's pictures of people
eating poop in there!
293
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,814
It's not my job to take sides
or pass judgment.
294
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,317
Do you think when your father
asks for that syringe,
295
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,151
you could ask him...
296
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,596
He won't have to
ask for it, okay?
297
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,780
He won't need it.
He'll just make more.
298
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,074
He doesn't need
anything from anyone.
299
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,534
You admire him for that.
300
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,809
It's better than
making your problems
301
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,246
other people's problems.
302
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,307
Oh, come on!
303
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,779
Pickle man, you should
know this isn't personal!
304
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,364
You should know
that isn't original.
305
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,489
They have my daughter.
306
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,534
There's nothing I won't do
to see her again.
307
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,786
Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do
to see my daughter,
308
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,579
but killing you gets me
to her quicker
309
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,373
than your derivative bullshit.
310
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,213
I never bullshit, pickle man.
311
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,424
This can only end
with one of us dead,
312
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,967
and I have never died.
313
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,885
That will be your
downfall, Jaguar,
314
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,179
not being open
to new experiences.
315
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,860
Is it done?
316
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,278
Jaguar?!
317
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,155
Rick: Jaguar couldn't make it.
318
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,322
Pave I: Do it.
319
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,616
Okay, you win, pickle man.
320
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,034
I'm unsealing the building.
321
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,704
Rick: No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now.
322
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,331
Pickle man, there's
$100 million worth of bonds
323
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,708
in a safe on level two.
324
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,033
I'll give you the combination.
325
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,919
That money belongs
to the people.
326
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,172
Shut up and call me
a helicopter, you prick!
327
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,298
Do we have a deal?!
328
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,401
Rick: Take that money,
give it to Jaguar's daughter
329
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,426
when you set her free.
330
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,719
Or I'll be visiting you.
331
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,304
Pavel:
Jaguar's daughter is dead.
332
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,555
Huh, so you're a liar.
333
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,098
Pavel: Jaguar was an animal.
334
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,683
You're an intelligent pickle.
335
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,101
We can do business.
336
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,187
Rick: I don't think so.
See you soon.
337
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,563
- Is the helicopter here?
- Yes.
338
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,107
And the police are on the way.
What do we tell them?
339
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,232
- Ooh!
- Aah!
340
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,985
Tell them we were robbed.
341
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,825
Hey! Hey, what are you doing?!
342
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,410
I'm right here!
343
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,010
Farewell, solen'ya.
344
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,891
F-15s are scrambled.
345
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,393
This helicopter will be
shot down in seven minutes.
346
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,959
Well, my daughter
is about five away,
347
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,688
and I've got about
eight to live.
348
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,066
Pickle man, it's too late
for me to tell my daughter
349
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,817
I love her, but not for you.
350
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,194
Oh, well, uh, she knows.
351
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,172
I mean, we don't really
buy into that kind of crap.
352
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,632
To the extent that love
is an expression
353
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,242
of familiarity over time,
my access to infinite timelines
354
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,035
precludes the necessity
of attachment.
355
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,496
In fact, I even abandoned
one of my infinite daughters
356
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:22,500
in an alternate version of earth
that was taken over by mutants.
357
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,961
Okay. Good luck with that.
358
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,046
Wait. Do I have
infinite daughters?
359
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:30,132
Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
360
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,551
Nope, just me.
361
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,136
Yeesh!
362
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,394
Afraid...
363
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:42,937
That my kids will get expelled.
364
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,438
Good. Summer, you go.
365
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,816
I am mad...
366
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,818
That I can't huff enamel
367
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,821
without people assuming
it's because my family sucks.
368
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:55,366
I hope to be seen one day
369
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,285
as someone that just
likes getting high.
370
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,244
Good job.
371
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,162
Morty, do you have
an "I" statement?
372
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:03,666
I am sad...
373
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:04,959
That I peed.
374
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,546
I'm sad that I peed in class
instead of a toilet.
375
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,757
Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
376
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,844
What do you guys think about
doing this once a week?
377
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:17,888
Ugh.
378
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,356
- You must be Rick.
- Mm-hmm.
379
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,983
I've heard a lot
about you today.
380
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,027
Your family is crazy about you.
381
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,838
Your daughter holds you
in very high regard.
382
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,155
You're a lucky fella.
383
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,073
Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still
384
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,838
happen to have that syringe
in your purse?
385
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,289
Dad...
386
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:47,835
I would like you to tell me
what's in the syringe.
387
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,006
It's a serum that I need to,
uh... to stay alive.
388
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,967
I have had a rough day.
389
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,346
And, uh, I've sustained
a lot of damage.
390
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,349
I'm pretty close to death,
which the serum will prevent.
391
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,768
By changing you from
a pickle to a human.
392
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:05,519
Yes.
393
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,605
Rick, why did you lie
to your daughter?
394
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,858
So I wouldn't have to come here.
395
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,210
Why didn't you want
to come here?
396
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,654
Because I don't respect therapy,
because I'm a scientist.
397
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,864
Because I invent, transform,
create, and destroy
398
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,550
for a living, and when
I don't like something
399
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,742
about the world, I change it.
400
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,928
And I don't think going to
a rented office in a strip mall
401
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,829
to listen to some
agent of averageness
402
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,665
explain which words
mean which feelings
403
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,249
has ever helped
anyone do anything.
404
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,019
I think it's helped a lot
of people get comfortable
405
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,878
and stop panicking,
which is a state of mind
406
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,755
We value in the animals we eat
407
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,465
but not something
I want for myself.
408
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,716
I'm not a cow.
409
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,802
I'm a pickle...
When I feel like it.
410
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,554
So... you asked.
411
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,890
Rick, the only
connection between
412
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,226
your unquestionable intelligence
and the sickness
413
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,145
destroying your family
is that everyone in your family,
414
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,732
you included, use intelligence
to justify sickness.
415
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,318
You seem to alternate
between viewing your own mind
416
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:58,155
as an unstoppable force
and as an inescapable curse.
417
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,699
And I think
it's because the only
418
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,826
truly unapproachable
concept for you
419
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,829
is that it's your mind
within your control.
420
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,622
You chose to come here.
421
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,500
You chose to talk,
to belittle my vocation,
422
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,794
just as you chose
to become a pickle.
423
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,838
You are the master
of your universe,
424
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,549
and yet you are dripping
with rat blood and feces,
425
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,844
your enormous mind literally
vegetating by your own hand.
426
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,513
I have no doubt that
you would be bored senseless
427
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,266
by therapy, the same way
I'm bored when I brush my teeth
428
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,559
and wipe my ass.
429
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,477
Because the thing
about repairing,
430
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,273
maintaining, and cleaning is
it's not an adventure.
431
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,692
There's no way to do it
so wrong, you might die.
432
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,277
It's just work.
433
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,402
And the bottom line is,
434
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:40,948
some people are okay going
to work, and some people...
435
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,325
Well, some people
would rather die.
436
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,995
Each of us gets to choose.
437
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,874
That's our time.
438
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,319
I'm going to
give you guys my card
439
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,519
and hope to hear from you again.
440
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,396
And if you have any friends
or family that eat poop
441
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,089
and would like to stop,
give them my number.
442
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,429
I'm sorry I lied
to get out of the thing.
443
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,598
- I... I shouldn't lie to you.
- Oh, it's fine.
444
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,017
I mean, thank you,
and, yeah, you shouldn't.
445
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,810
But I hope you know
that's not what
446
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,520
that session was supposed to be.
447
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,106
Oh, no, I mean, I know
it was morty peeing his pants
448
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,983
and summer snorting glue
or whatever...
449
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,945
She huffed enamel, and we never
even talked about it.
450
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,790
Rick: Well, there was
so much more at stake.
451
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:25,451
Rick: I mean, that shrink,
what a monologuist.
452
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,996
Are we gonna go back?
453
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,915
Sweetie, could I get...
Get that syringe now?
454
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,292
Oh, my god, yes!
Dad, it's in my purse.
455
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,294
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony.
456
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,385
Jesus.
457
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,098
Jesus Christ. Therapists, man.
458
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,517
Weird breed.
459
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,227
Man, I missed having hands...
460
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:54,188
And blood and a stomach.
461
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,648
We should get a drink.
462
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,107
Really? Like, go somewhere?
463
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,693
Yeah, let's drop the kids off
and go tie one on.
464
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:01,445
Absolutely.
465
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,989
I-I liked her.
466
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:07,076
So what are you thinking,
like, smokey's tavern?
467
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,077
Maybe shoney's?
468
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,120
Yeah, ehherone. Ehherone.
469
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,491
Rick: You'll never get away
with this, concerto.
470
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,574
That is where you're mistaken,
Mr. Sanchez.
471
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:50,327
This shall be my greatest
performance of all time!
472
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:54,415
Rick: This is it, morty.
We're goners.
473
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:55,642
We're not getting
out of this one.
474
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,066
After everything
we've been through,
475
00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:58,246
this is how we're gonna die.
476
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,753
Make peace with your god.
477
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,755
Oh, geez, Rick,
i-i-i don't want to die!
478
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,842
And now for the e-splat!
479
00:23:07,261 --> 00:23:08,261
Jaguad
480
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,268
who... who was that, Rick?
481
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,187
That, morty, is why
you don't go to therapy.
33687
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