Original subtitles

That's how I did it.

I took the knife out of the drawer.

And I stabbed him.

Again and again.

And I couldn't stop myself.

There was blood everywhere,

but he wasn't dead,

That's when I panicked

And I hit him with it...

repeatedly...

And his body went limp.

But I still wasn't sure.

So I dragged him outside

with the car.

Thank you, Miss Snellgrove. We'll

So you're not arresting me?

There's a few loose ends to tie up

I may be new, but I thought that if

the procedure was to bang them in.

Bang them UP, sir. In my office.

Listen, sergeant.

If we get off on the wrong foot,

PEAR-shaped. The variety

Believe me, sir, it is important.

All right, but you had better

No, it's villains you call chu...

I'll run this place properly,

Apples. What?! It was pears a minute

I'd better show you

Bodie, Doyle. I'm home!

Where is Inspector Frost hiding?

As if I didn't know(!)

Oh, there you are,

Now then, I expect you thought you

Expect you thought she'd gone.

20 years, with time off

I've got a treat for you lot.

'USA Cable Gold -

'365 days a year!

'Next, another chance to see

HAWAII FIVE-0 OPENING MUSIC

'Book him, Danno! Got it! I didn't

'we got bigger fish to fry!

TURNS VOLUME DOWN

They haven't arrested me,

Probably building

She's bonkers. These are some recent

I shimmied up the drainpipe

I ransacked the joint.

It was the first of 19 similar

I'm running the rackets for the

gambling, protection, hookers.

They call me "Consigliere".

I'm willing to turn evidence if I'm

I want to face justice, basically.

Hello.

Hello. What? I was just saying

Um. Yes, I admit it. Yes...

I am... Lord Lucan!

Harriet Snellgrove has confessed to

Bank jobs, jewel heists,

grand larceny, international

And now she's confessed to the

She's mad, but harmless.

More sad than bad, really.

Why don't you arrest her

Then she'd be guilty of something.

Yes, we did this at college.

She has a delusional

A passive, empathetic psychopath.

Like bonkers, sir? Either way, we're

that Harriet Snellgrove could have

None whatsoever, sir.

Damn. I thought our investigation

It happens. Just when I think

the gearbox falls out!

The wheels are off.

prove metaphorically unreliable!

FREEZE!!!

Police should really be here by now.

I wonder what's keeping them.

Where are you? You can never find

'This is Foxtrot Romeo Tango.

'Am proceeding to address,

Ooh, they're on their way.

Listen, you guys. You'll probably

'Foxtrot Romeo Tango,

'together with additional

'Sarge, how many 'Pappas'

Oh, Brother Cadfael.

I don't think they're coming

I might have to pay them a visit.

I need my hat, my coat

I've got the vital evidence

A salival swab.

It genetically matches skin lodged

as he clawed desperately at my face

while I hit him with a hammer.

You said it was a breadknife.

And you are?

He's in charge of the missing

Well, he's very rude.

Citizens who confess

are entitled to a bit of courtesy.

Now listen, laughing boy.

That doesn't work with women, sir.

Can you suggest anything with the

Now listen, darling!

Oh, no. That's the one

Still, waste not, want not, hey?

Now listen... love? Very good.

There are two reasons I don't

One, your version of events is

And you can't have killed him when

At the time, poppet... (No.)...you

you were HERE, confessing to

All right, I admit it. I misled you

I was covering up my part

It was bound to come out as Song

Get her out of my station!

Look. They know who the murderer is.

It's me. But they won't listen.

That detective doesn't like me.

It's not easy flushing a corpse

Hacking off the arms!

It's a hell of a job pushing

I think it's time

SCOTTISH ACCENT:

I wanna speak to your captain.

QUEEN'S ENGLISH: Hello, Alexander

SCOTTISH: So, how bad

in the pub quiz team.

No comment. Fair enough, yeah.

QUEEN'S ENGLISH: I'm so sorry, where

Anybody else know about this?

So, the Conservative Party

No, no, this is dynamite.

We're talking a splash here,

DEEP, GRUFF VOICE: Hello, crime

You did what?

Wait, er, look, wait. Wait, darling.

Sounds like a real story!

'Kick the door down. Won't budge!

'Use your bloody shooter!'

I'm sorry but we've come to search

Haven't you forgotten something?

No! Kick down the door! Punch me

Well, the press won't allow it. And

A source tells us there's a body

possibly down the jacksie.

We're investigating the case to show

and don't just sit around on

Wa ho ho! So, you gonna rip

You know, pull up the floor, smash

Super. Let's get cracking!

Hiaaargh!!

SOUND OF FALLING RUBBLE

You're getting warm. Warmer than

But when you first arrived,

Admit it,

All right, there is no body

in the house.

It's in the garden!

This is unusual cake. It's mackerel.

It's Inspector Morse's favourite.

I've found something, sir!

You're positively hot now!

It's a leg, sir.

And a face! A hand...

and a fishing rod!

We can draw a line

I had to bury the gnome!

It was a voodoo effigy of my victim!

I harness the evil spirits

It doesn't look remotely like

Inspector Dawson, Alex Docherty.

Nutley Chronicle crime desk,

art critic, defence correspondent,

Close it! Don't you mean "shut it",

She's right. "Shut it" is correct.

What's the difference? It's a

after our splash

Apparently, he was last seen

Having a drink, with a stranger.

Oh, that was me. Yes, we met.

We had a drink, we had a quarrel.

Oh, call it a lover's tiff.

We went to his and while he slept,

This is nonsense!

Will the police do anything, or are

No comment. What about an ID parade?

The public deserves to know why the

If any face is familiar...

He's the man! He's the barman.

He was serving before I drowned

Can you identify anyone as talking

It definitely wasn't the mad woman.

But it could be any of the others.

Covering for me! He's my brother!

Don't you agree, Mr Docherty?

MUFFLED: Yes. Well, I've gotta go

why I haven't got any messages.

Right, thank you, constables.

I'm not innocent! This is a gross

You've got the right WOMAAAAN!!

PHONE RINGS

Dawson. 'You have made a mistake.

'It was Harriet Snellgrove wot

It's Harriet Snellgrove.

HE HANGS UP

It was me, you know.

Jesus! Just to reiterate...

Oh, there you are. Now, Inspector...

Inspector, stop! Listen, Inspector!

Ooh... Inspector!

ENGINE REVS, WHEELS SCREECH

Imbecile!

Nooooo!

Sorry to bother you, but I thought

Yes, I killed the bank manager.

There's a woman in there! She's

I'm taking a holiday, Sergeant.

My grey cells need some fresh air.

I'm taking a long weekend,

Don't write me off yet!

"Manor" is a term used by criminals,

The district encompassed by a police

Have a good holiday.

I did it, and I can prove it!

How on...? Look! The murder weapon -

It's not funny!

No. You didn't murder anyone,

I got this letter,

It's an apology from Mr Charles

He explains that

and lives in Buenos Aires known as

Miss Carlita Sanchez!

'I've set up with

called Roberto, who is very kind,

You see? The stranger

but Roberto, making long-distance

He "ran into" the bank manager...

'...in El Paradiso, the exotic bar...

'...on the Nutley trading estate.'

It's over, Miss Snellgrove.

Case closed!

You're a nutter, you are!

Wacko!

Off your trolley! OUT TO LUNCH!

Yes! Yes! I'm a crazed psycho!

A crazed psycho

No, you're NOT! You're a sad case.

Go back to your sad house,

and watch sad little cop shows!

Now leave me alone! I've got a life,

ECHO: On with it, with it...

SHE HEARS: 'Get her out of

'It's over. Out to lunch.

Aaaargh!!

Oh, dear.

And that's how I did it.

I followed him, from his home.

Got on the train and

then I tracked him up the mountain.

It was quite a climb! He was a

I did the last 800 metres

When I confronted him,

So I hit him with this.

That is, in fact, the murder weapon,

my prints all over it. I struck him

He fell, his broken body tumbling

...into a bloody pulp

He was dead.

I had killed him.

Thank you, Miss Snellgrove.

We had the Inspector's death

Now, we know the truth.

It was murder.

I'll tell the new Inspector

Best one yet!

HEARTY LAUGHTER

♪ Murder most horrid

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of the knife

♪ She's a stranger

♪ Her caress could cost you

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ Enormously torrid

♪ Murder most horrid