Original subtitles

RADIO: Tracey Phillips and Karen

fell to sixth position in the third

Despite this, they're said to be

My... granny... sells

PIGEONS!

That was quite good.

My... granny... sells

PIGS!

That was very good.

Very good.

My... granny... sells

SUGAR!

SUGAR!

SUGAR! SUGAR!

PIGS!

SHE BLOWS RASPBERRIES

Oh. What page are you on?

Oh! She's on page 97.

Page 97.

98!

How about doing the cooking rota

Hey, that's a good idea!

'Scuse me!

That's it. Now then.

Must get my things. 'Scuse me.

There we go. Do the rota!

♪ I'm a Barbie girl

♪ In a Barbie world

♪ Fantastic

♪ My life in plastic... ♪

♪ Go everywhere... ♪

Yep? We agreed, remember?

What? About that song.

Was I singing? Yes.

Are you sure? I'm positive.

That's amazing, cos I'm singing now

You must tell me when I do that.

I did.

Sorry.

♪ Come on, Barbie, let's go party

♪ Yey! Yey! ♪

Now, here's the list.

February 1st:

It will be me - breakfast,

you - lunch,

me - dinner.

February 2nd: It will be

you - dinner.

See the pattern that's emerging?

February 3rd: me - breakfast,

you - lunch...

Thank you very much.

Oh, now! Thank God,

It's about time.

That's right.

Now, I'll do that.

Are you sure? Yep. Yep, sure.

Can I just get round here? Sorry.

Can you...? Yes. Sorry.

There we are.

Ow!

Now, if you just move over there.

Just put your legs up. That's it.

I know it's down here somewhere.

Excuse me.

God! Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm fine. Great.

I'd just quite like to get to my

Can I... Do you mind?

Sorry!

Sewing kit out!

Ah!

CLASSICAL MUSIC FROM HEADPHONES

SHE MOUTHS

What?

It's just some symphony.

I would!

I like music. It's from

What? I saw that film.

YOU thought Death In Venice

It had me completely

That little dwarf in the red

Well, that wasn't Death in Venice.

Yes, it was - Donald Sutherland,

I think you'll find it was.

An composer is obsessed

Cholera breaks out. He won't leave

Didn't he have a jab?

No! The point was that he was taken

Oh.

They didn't have jabs in 1902.

Which film am I thinking of then?

It'll come to me.

I'll take this storm jib with me.

I just need to get my all-weathers.

♪ I'm a Barbie girl

♪ In a Barbie world

♪ It's fantastic

♪ This life in plastic

♪ Come on, Barbie, let's go party

♪ La-la! La-la!

♪ I'm a Barbie girl

♪ In a Barbie world... ♪

DON'T LOOK NOW!

It's funny! When you stop thinking

Don't Look Now!

Coming back down now, are you? Yes,

In that case, I'll go up. Right. OK.

Don't Look Now!

Don't Look Now.

Julie Christie.

Donald Sutherland.

Oh!

"Mahler."

Mahler?

MUSIC PLAYS

What's the next song?

MUSIC PLAYS

That's much the same.

MUSIC PLAYS

DISTORTED MUSIC

Oh dear!

Oh dear!

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

'An accident?'

Oh, Frank,

...Which hospital?

...Scan? What scan?

...Please tell me

There must be something

...It's so hard to be away from home

...Right. Now Emmerdale.

What happened on that?

...No!

Frank sends his love.

...OK. And a happy New Year's Eve

Is Rory all right?

...You put it down first... No, you!

...No!...No, you. You!

Oh, you have. Right.

I know what's eating you.

You need a man and I'll get you one.

You're 35,

Looks-wise you have a chance -

I don't want you left on the shelf.

BOTH: It has nothing to do with men.

I think it does and I'm gonna

Hah! Oh my God!

I know exactly the right bloke.

His wife died last year.

He didn't sit around moping! No!

Desmond joined a line-dancing class.

He joined the Sherlock Holmes Club.

What's this? Ah, right...

That's an accident.

That was a 1973 Kosminsky recording.

We'll pop into

That was my favourite tape.

If that's left you short in the

Music? Yeah.

What was that word you used? Music.

Don't ever, ever

this brain-pulverising shite.

Never again. And stop finishing

You did give me a note about that.

I'll tell you what's eating me! OK.

You're very stressed. How dare

How dare you presume

with that microscopic, impenetrable

It's overtaxed as it is, getting

I am not stressed!

I am a perfectly balanced

Karen, I can't breathe.

TRACEY COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Tracey, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

How do you stay placid?

THUNDER CRASHES

Tracey, better batten down.

Batten down, yes!

Is the spinnaker down? Yes, check.

Tracey. BOTH: Crash!

MUFFLED SCREAM

KAREN SCREAMS

What happened? She's gone over.

Oh, Jesus!

We've rolled.

KAREN GROANS

PHONE RINGS

Oh! Now what?

Yes, I've been to the bottle bank.

Yes, I've taped Animal Hospital!

I mean, it's actually worse

Yes?

...Oh, Bob, hello.

...What?

Listen! It's stopped.

The pressure's made an air pocket.

You know what? What?

This is our lucky day.

RADIO: Tracey Phillips and

Yes?...Oh, hello, Daphne.

...No, I'm waiting for

...Yes, your daughter is a battler.

...Yes, I know she's got

...No! There's no need to come

...I think that we've got

We'll manage... Yes, I will

My God, it's hereditary!

RADIO: He has confidence in them.

PHONE RINGS

You know,

No, WHEN we get out of this,

The first thing is I'll tell Frank

I was too busy doing this

You know, sometimes

'Oh, go on, please!'

Just the £10,000... Oh! It'd buy us

Hello!

...We'll put your logo on our sail.

What the...!

...Mmm.

...We'll wear your T-shirts.

The school rang me.

...What about a "digi-compass"?

So I took Rory to casualty.

What about a flare pack?

You could! Go on!

Hello!

...Thank you very much indeed(!)

Please remind me not to fly

So that's £178,500 to go.

It's a maybe from Live TV, but we'd

I don't think

I'm Karen, Tracey's partner. We met

Karen, Frank. Frank, Karen.

So much for the formalities.

Beam's 4.2, mainsail's 73.7,

Carbon-fibre hull with modular

Oh, she's beautiful, isn't she?

She'll spin out at a high reach.

Below decks,

It's so exciting!

Right, ample storage -

Ha-ha! Ooh!

Karen! Frank!

You should see her bunk pod.

Coming!

You said you were getting the

Oh!

Mrs Phillips?

So, what do you think?

Well, the market is depressed, what

Well? Spit it out.

No, don't. No, it's too exciting!

No! Don't, don't! Just a minute.

145 thou. Oh.

Ish! Ish!

Oh, you see,

Remortgage value is slightly...

Who's this?

Trading down is another option. Ah.

We've got a two-bed flat

What's this about remortgage?

until the main sponsor comes

'Odour Eaters, Horlicks.'

And now we need lip salves.

Lip salves. What took you so long?

I was getting looks, you know.

There you go. Right. 70 of each -

While I'm away, check Rory for nits.

Get him bumped up to wise man in the

Tape it for me and make sure

I will miss you, you know.

Things have been so hectic, but

We need to get sunblock. Get lots of

Swarfega.

ENGINE DRONES OVERHEAD

Oh my God!

It's a plane. Karen!

Karen! It's a plane.

Hello! Hello!

Help! Hello!

Hello!

NOISE OF ENGINE FADES AWAY

Oh! Oh, Frank.

SHE GROANS

OK?...No, that's great!

£178,500 to go.

We've had a maybe from Live TV,

but we'd have to go

I don't think

I'm Karen, Tracey's partner. We met

Karen, Frank. Frank, Karen.

So much for the formalities.

Ooh, is it someone's birthday?

It's not today?

Oh, no.

Last Monday.

Hello! Tracey Phillips here.

...Yes. I called earlier.

So, buy your own presents then?

Yes. You get used to it.

Mahler's Ninth.

Ah! How did I know?

Oh! Karajan.

Ace! Do you know it?

It's the best since Karl Bohm.

Have you heard

So you're a Late Romantic too!

What about a bilge pump then?

Beam 4.2, mainsail 73.7,

Carbon-fibre hull with modular...

Oh, she's beautiful, isn't she?

Yes, she is.

She'll spin out at a high reach.

It's so exciting!

You OK on boats, Frank? Fine. Oh!

It's not normally this choppy,

Karen! Frank!

You should see her bunk pod.

Coming!

How will you do it?

How will you put up with her

Well, we make

She does the maintenance,

and I do the sunset admiring.

Your problem is

With anyone else

...suicidal.

But with Tracey...

TRACEY!

You said you were getting the

Oh!

Mrs Phillips?

Who's that?

Well, the market is depressed, what

Come on!

No, don't! No, it's too exciting!

I think we're

Cool it for a while.

We actually paid £165,000.

Who's this?

Trading down is another option. Ah.

We've got a two-bed flat in the

What's this about remortgage?

We need to get sunblock. Get lots of

Swarfega.

Six months!

Maybe we'll feel differently

Maybe it's better if we call a halt,

Yes, but then again we could

Sounds good to me!

OK. Oh, we've time for one more.

Oh, Frank!

Karen! Oh, Frank! Oh! Oh!

Oh, Frank! Yes.

OH, FRANK!

KAREN GROANS AND SIGHS

What?

Oh!

You shouted out, "Frank".

Did I?

Yes.

About five or six times.

That's funny.

Huh!

ENGINE DRONES

What's that?

It's a boat!

Oh my God!

BOTH: Hello! Help!

WHISTLING

ENGINE CAN STILL BE HEARD

What? Down and under the hatch.

It's the only way.

Ready? Yeah.

THEY TAKE DEEP BREATHS

Tracey Phillips is alive and well,

after her ordeal

Shortly after 7.00am today,

from HMS Auckland - found Tracey

RORY: Mummy!

Tracey's miraculous survival

who, according to Tracey,

♪ Murder most horrid

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of the knife

♪ She's a stranger you love

♪ A caress could cost you your life

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ Your face flushed and florid