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GEORGE FORMBY: ♪ Isn't it disgusting
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♪ When they sit down
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♪ My father was a baker
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Where would we be without George?
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♪...On how you should behave
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♪ Never use your fingers
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♪ Wipe your plate with bread
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♪ Peas should not be eaten
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♪ Eat them from the saucepan
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♪ Never put both elbows
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♪ Leave a bit of room
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♪ Always hold your kipper
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♪ And wave it when you're talking
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♪ Soup should not be eaten
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♪ Gargle it quite loudly
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What do you fancy, Lily? I don't
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It's been a long time since we...
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that your bacon ration
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and you're last in the queue?
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I have a couple of lamb chops left.
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We'll have lamb chops. How lovely!
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Twopence, please.
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Is there a problem?
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Two bones constitutes two chops,
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Wonderful. Wonderful.
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A hot pot? Or grilled...
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Are you thinking what I'm thinking,
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Who are they getting it from?
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How do you know they are
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I think we should keep an eye
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Yeah.
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Good morning.
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Good morning, Reverend.
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Good morning, Miss Wood-Newton.
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We were wondering if you would like
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I must say, it often amazes me
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that two such wonderfully kind women
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We couldn't possibly be married.
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For what we are about to receive,
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may the Lord make us truly thankful.
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Tasty.
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Yes. Very good.
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But... Yes?
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Rather insubstantial.
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THUNDER
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I don't know what we would
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I think we could have starved.
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She's been dead
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Bless her. She's been
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Lily, we've been very good recently.
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Yes. We haven't eaten anything we
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Could we... thaw a little something
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...For the weekend?
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Why not?
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How about...
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...a cherry Bakewell?
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Lovely!
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Dear Mother! We thought
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But what foresight she had!
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FREEZER CREAKS
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Poor Electra! You sound
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Maybe we should get you looked at.
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"In this mountain
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"make unto all people
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"a feast of wine on the lees,
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"of fat things full of marrow,
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"well refined."
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Here endeth the lesson.
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"A feast of fat things."
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We'd all like a feast of fat things,
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especially at times like this.
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And that is the subject of my
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How are they getting underwear?
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They used his parachute silk...
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I suppose.
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Their not-so-smalls!
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LASCIVIOUS GIGGLING
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REVEREND:...He said,
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What are you doing?
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You'd love to put a nice,
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No need to worry. We won't starve.
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We'll have some fresh fish tonight.
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Iris! What is it, dear?
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Nebuchadnezzar's gone.
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Oh!
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That wretched heron must be back!
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Oh, dear Nebuchadnezzar!
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KNOCKING
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Oh! Who can that be?
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Miss Wood-Newton?
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Yes?
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I gather you've been having a
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I think you need a thorough
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Is that the freezer repairman,
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My, my, my. She's huge!
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She's beautiful. What's her name?
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There, there, old girl.
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Could we get you something? Tea?
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Or coffee? We keep some beans
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I'm afraid I'm not having much luck.
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Poor Electra.
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I'll sort her out. Don't you worry.
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I'm afraid I'm going
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Just make sure
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Of course. When do you think
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Tomorrow. Same time. Goodbye.
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I can't find anything
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I can't stay up here
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You must. He said
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Lily... I've been having...
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Well, then, you mustn't do it.
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FREEZER MOTOR THROBS
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Reverend Stoop wants to make a
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MOTOR THROBS
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I think I'll go to bed now, dear.
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Good afternoon, Reverend.
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Good afternoon, Miss Wood-Newton.
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I'm afraid you've only got me today.
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No. It's just that Lily's a little
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I think the larger models
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I'm always thrilled
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The trend is for tall and upright.
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Have a good old rummage.
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I found your problem. Yes?
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You need a grommet.
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It slips into your interstice
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That's what you need.
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Yes. But I don't have one with me.
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I'll have to come back tomorrow.
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I promise.
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I'll get you a rag.
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It's an old football scarf. West Ham
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I must confess. In my youth,
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I'm sorry. I embarrassed you.
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I was just wondering whether your...
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Then it must be a very long time
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It's lucky I did stay behind today,
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So soon. Any luck?
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Not yet. But he's coming back...
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some time soon.
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(He loves me. He loves me not.)
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You're taking a long time with that
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What's that you're knitting?
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It's a bedsock. It's one of a pair.
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I'm donating them to the church
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Lovely.
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I was thinking of going to help
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I'm afraid I'm going to be
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Never mind.
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Mmm! Delicious!
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May I offer you... my slice?
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It's untouched, Mister...?
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Rimmer.
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I can't say no. It's been ages since
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You've missed luncheon,
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That's very kind, but I've wasted
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LAUGHTER
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I've so enjoyed these two afternoons
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Yes. They've been fun.
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I wonder...
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Would you care to come for tea?
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I should be delighted!
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MOTOR THROBS
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Right.
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I just need to slide this little
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You see... pure silk.
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Parachute silk.
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A German paratrooper
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The last time this fabric
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was from 5,000 feet!
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Hello, dear! It's only me.
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Lily?
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Lily, what's the matter?
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I've done... something terrible!
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You've eaten
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No! It's much worse than that.
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What happened?!
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Lust, Iris. It was lust.
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Pure lust!
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You poor thing!
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Not HIS lust. MY lust! I don't know
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One minute we were talking
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The next minute
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He was coughing, and going AAH-AAH
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and gasping for air!
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Why didn't you get off him?
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When he stopped struggling,
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KNOCK ON DOOR
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Reverend Stoop!
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Leave this to me.
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Ah, Reverend. I'm afraid tea's off.
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Oh, what a shame.
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Yes. Your sister had something
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I'll just go and get it.
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And one more thing.
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Would you, Miss Wood-Newton...?
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Would you, Iris,
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It's for bedtime. Yes.
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Of course. Thank you.
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Very... Very practical.
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I'm sure it'll be
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Call him back! I must confess!
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No, Lily! I must! Don't you realise
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This way, I'm an accessory.
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We're in it together.
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MOTOR RUMBLES UNEVENLY
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I can't stand the noise any longer!
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It's only Electra.
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Sleep now.
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BELL RINGS
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What is it? He wasn't dead!
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Oh, thank the Lord! But he is now!
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AAGH!
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RUMBLING STOPS
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She's gone.
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Poor Electra.
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Why didn't you let him finish
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48 hours before everything starts
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(Come on, Lily!
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I can't.
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(Think of him in there -
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What's that? At the back?
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Looks like they're extending
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Oh, yes!
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MALIGN CHUCKLING
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Could we not keep a mincemeat
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I'm... quite speechless at this...
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this true act of benevolence.
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We had to do it.
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I fear this is the end
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Yes, they may have to stop. We
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I... Let me tell him!
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Reverend...
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I'm afraid we may have to leave
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That's why we've donated all this.
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As a farewell gesture.
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Tomorrow's service
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Goodbye!
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Take a peek out of the window.
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Iris!
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What is it? There's been a frost.
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We'll wrap up warm. No, you don't
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SHOVELS CLANG
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CHURCH BELL RINGS
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"For men shall be lovers
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"covetous, proud, boasters,
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"disobedient to parents,
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"incontinent,
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"having the form of godliness
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"From such turn away,
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"and lead captive silly women
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"l-l-led away
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"with diverse l-l...
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"l-l-l-l...
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"lusts!"
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Here endeth the lesson.
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Miss Wood-Newton...
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I wonder if I might have
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Yes, a wonderful lesson,
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most beautifully read,
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What I'm trying to say, Iris, is...
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Would you do me the honour
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LUST!
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Lust, lust, lust!
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Pure, unbridled lust!
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Lily! The silly woman
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I have killed with my lovemaking!
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AAGH! No, Lily. Yes, Iris. AAGH!
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You see, there is a man. A man.
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at home. I made love to him.
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Yes.
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He's gone!
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There was a man in there!
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What is it? He's gone! There was a
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My proposal was ill-conceived,
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I should not have tried
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I shall see myself out.
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OOHH!
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Easy as pie.
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Let's have a look.
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A fiver's all you're getting.
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"West Ham."
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Oh, my Gawd! D'you know
284
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,959
West Ham - Westphalian Ham! Lovely!
285
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:15,639
Quick! Hide it at the back
286
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,959
We'll defrost it come Christmas!
287
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:25,959
Yes, gentlemen, what can I get you?
288
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:32,959
We need to look round your premises.
289
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,959
Which I'm sure it is.
290
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,319
Of course. Come in.
291
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,959
Gentlemen...
292
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,959
Do you eat ham?
293
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,959
♪ Never use your fingers
294
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,959
♪ Wipe your plate with bread
295
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,959
Poor Mr Gaunt. Poor Mr Gaunt.
296
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,639
♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel
297
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,959
♪ As cold as the blade of the knife
298
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:29,959
♪ She's a stranger you love
299
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,959
♪ A caress could cost you your life
300
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,959
♪ And you wake in the night
301
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,319
♪ Wearing something you've borrowed
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