Original subtitles

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

Hmmmh!

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

CRASH!

We know he'd had a curry and watched

A neighbour saw a Volvo outside at

Yes. What was the video, please?

Right.

Could be a clue.

What? He was killed by a lion?

Dave Jones was our colleague,

There's a cop-killer out there!

Well?

WELL?!

GET THE BASTAR-R-RD!

Everything's gotta be clever

Episode one: a dead body

It was the old lady

How's your sex life?

I have my moments, thank you.

I have hours, and hours, and hours!

Are you ready?

Bum looks nice today, Mark. Help

Very sure of yourself, aren't you?

You know what that means?

Deep down,

Really? Yeah. Yeah!

And the short are the most tall?

No. I thought I saw a spark

Recognise him? No.

David Jones. Look him up.

Detective Chief Inspector

I'm not always here.

"D Jones. 91 Mayfield Road.

He's overdue! Mmm. Well, the night

Ah! You see, that's your mind,

That's why I joined the force.

But what about YOU?

Why do YOU run a video shop?

Do you wish life was like a video,

and see where you went wrong? No.

Oh. Right. Well... thank you.

Thank you. Ah! You thanked ME?

Why?

What have I done? Nothing. You said

OK.

Right.

We know where you are, right?

Next time, he's mine, THANK YOU!

He's a villain, I can smell it.

Awwff!

Obviously, I wasn't ready that time.

That's two hours in the gym every

Well?

Yes, I got 'im!

Nice work, Val! Thank you.

Very good. Very good.

Volvo, very good.

You got no prints, no weapon,

Is that what you want, sir?

Why did I put you two together?

Look! You're a team.

Hard cop, soft cop,

Every animal needs a brain.

Nod, then.

Nod!

Nail 'im!

Together.

I'll give you the world.

But get a confession, my peaches.

Bring 'im in!

That's... um, mousse, sir.

Oh, right. Thank you, sir.

Mmm...

Bastard!

Oh, Christ! You're an ugly bastard!

Don't listen to her, Frank.

Well, may the best woman win.

I'm waiting.

Right.

This interview commences at 21.44.

Present in the room are Sgt Cole,

Mr Foster has declined a solicitor.

You are Frank Foster

Don't you like solicitors? Don't

Just making conversation, Frank.

Carry on, Sergeant.

you were convicted of the murder

Then you were released. Have you

I thought it was This Is Your Life.

Your brother served five years.

On your release,

We've a sworn statement

You said, "I'll get Jones

Keep it with your nine-bob notes?

That's very good!

You're very, very poised, Frank.

You're in control.

Or are you?

It's the uncontrolled

What are you talkin' about?

Carry on, Sergeant.

Thank you, Sergeant(!)

On September 12th, David Jones

Sorry?! That the best you can do?

I can make you VERY sorry, Foster!

Oh, I get it.

Dave Jones was my colleague.

Dave Jones was my friend.

He had a beautiful wife

And a little daughter, baby Tracey.

Baby Tracey loved her daddy.

Do you want to see a photo

Yes.

TOUGH!

Sergeant Cole,

He was supposed to say no!

Wish I'd brought a video.

You're the animal, I'm the brains.

Afraid of the truth, Frank? No.

Do you smoke? Thank you. So do I.

Where were you on 12th September?

Friday night

Look! That's you!

"Customers enjoyed a glass

It was Uncle Frank's special offer

Ashtray, Sergeant! Floor, Sergeant!

Dave Jones rented this the night

You had to,

You looked up his address on your

Got fingerprints? Got a weapon?

Those are police uniforms,

At the time of the murder,

a Volvo was outside his house.

It's a suburb. We all drive Volvos.

You showed me his photo in the shop.

I didn't recognise him. Don't blame

He didn't have the hole in his head.

I understand you're a scumbag!

Her number's 999. But she does go

Whose side are you two on? Your

Because you've got the truth.

I'm going inside your mind now,

Come with me!

Can I come, too? Oh, shush!

Yes! You were Frank Foster,

You had it all,

from Epping to Basildon.

It wasn't just a patch, Frank.

You ruled... the world!

You had Jags, you had Mercs.

You had wives with Jags,

You had girls in the Jags

Flares.

Yes, Flares.

Of all the clubs in all of Essex,

Billy Boy Brown

What did that little punk

At Showaddywaddy!

They weren't comedians, were they?

were the past,

Had to be done, Frank.

But who was there, the night you

Dave was your boy.

He was loyal, he was smart.

Just one little problem, Frank.

He was an undercover policeman.

Shame!

You don't wear c... Excuse me!

You don't wear camel hair now,

What? Can't get

Dave Jones destroyed you.

Dave Jones stole your life.

Twelve years inside.

And you came out...

Your gang was gone. Essex was gone.

All the thugs in Essex were working

You opened a video shop!

Did the Godfather open

Did the Krays? Did Bugsy?

They didn't sell videos, Frank,

because they ARE videos.

Just look at yourself!

At least cat's piss is free, Frank.

Then Dave strolls in.

The man who stole your life.

And you think to yourself, "This

And so you did, Frank.

You wanted justice.

We all want justice.

"One for me, one for my brother."

Yeah! Two bullets.

You cut the letters from your own

I swear to God

I understand, Frank. You've a damp

It's the trickle of truth. I didn't

it's got nothing to do with you.

It's not your fault you're violent.

Thank you very much!

Where was I?

Mmm... a damp trickle

violence in the '30s. Yes.

You were born in the '30s.

That wasn't your fault, for a start.

When you were a baby,

Violence was everywhere. Your dad

Never did a day's work in his life.

Wasn't his fault, he was Irish,

"No Blacks, no Irish."

He hated this country.

Why did his family

Because of the potato famine,

Was that your fault? Answer me!

No! And THAT is why you are here!

You are here, Frank,

God save us all! What can we do?

We have no control over our lives.

You did it, Frank. You know

Breathe deeply, Frank,

There's a baby inside you, Frank.

That baby is hurting you like hell.

The baby's called Truth, Frank.

Open your mouth, and pop it out!

I'm here, Frank, I'm ready.

I'm your midwife, Frank,

Come on, Frank, push!

I didn't do it!

Bollocks!

"The baby's called Truth"?!

Can't you see that?

I'll get this confession now, OK?

Dave should've promoted me.

I know, see? It's called

What do YOU think, Frank?

Like her psychologicals? Rubbish!

That's right. We're old school.

He'd buy ME a pint, I'd buy HIM one.

Villains and coppers, all together.

We know how to get the truth,

I admit I need a handkerchief.

22.19.

Suspect requested handkerchief

Won't be a moment.

I'm very sorry, Frank,

but that's what happens, you see.

A confession to Auntie Wendy, and

I've given everything!

All right. I lied.

Ah!

Big push now, Frank.

When you came into my shop... Yes.

...and you showed me his photo...

'Recognise him? No.'

Of course I recognised him!

But I wasn't gonna tell YOU, was I?

That's it. I haven't seen him

What you said is true. Uncle Frank

If I killed him, why leave clues?

You like psychologicals now? Don't

She divorced him in '92.

Maybe she joined when they were

Your partner likes Driller Killer.

You thought Jeff Bridges did it,

Yeah? Yeah. I watched in the shop.

Look at me. I'm not a killer no

All right, then, yeah.

Yes, all right, I will. Name

Starman. Yes. The Fisher King.

Thunderbolt And Lightfoot.

Er... and that one with Jeff Bridges.

The Fabulous Boys.

You know I didn't do it.

Well? I'm getting him a hankie, sir.

Let him wipe his nose on his arse.

Got him yet, then?

Help yourself. Oh... cheeky!

Fancy a drink when it's over? Yeah.

I'll 'ave a treble. Give me

Oh. Thanks.

Has he talked yet? He's talked, yes.

No, has he talked?

You forget what bastards they are!

Talk now, won't you?

Didn't think we were allowed guns.

WE know you did it,

But you won't say it!

He didn't do it. Shut it!

Always the quiet ones, isn't it,

I don't talk about sex

I called him "sir" in bed.

Oh...

he LOVED that!

What? You and Dave?!

It was lovely while it lasted!

We did all the things you do.

Afterwards, he'd tell me

I told him I'd get our videos.

I was Mrs D Jones!

At last! Dave didn't care about you.

That's true. You always know

All I did was ask him for promotion.

He said it was blackmail.

I was the one being dumped.

I got your list.

I hired a Volvo just like yours.

My hair was different

Men are so thick like that,

Then I went round there.

Curry. Video.

Goodbye bonk.

Last time was better than the first.

Stop it! You know nothing

I don't think so. It all happened.

But not to ME!

Mmm...!

GUNSHOT

Yes, I loved him!

And I killed him.

Feel smug now, do you, cos you made

How'd you know? Well, cos you'd

You tease the young ones,

Something to do with my father,

I'd guess you lost your father

Been searching for him ever since.

I'm right!

I lost him when I was six. I'm so

In Tesco's! I waited by the door

You're in the photo with your hair

Well, thanks(!) The coat, was it?

Am I? Well, from just the coat, I

She found this in your pocket.

Sorry!

How did you know I had a gun?

I made you confess.

So I won, with psychology.

You - confession!

What confession? Tape wasn't on.

You're more likely to pull a man

She's right, Frank. She's right.

I'm useless with anything like that.

You are so right, Valerie.

Let's do it your way.

Yes, let's. Yeah, YOURS.

Listen. There's a Hitchcock on

He's not talking to you, he's

You haven't felt anything like this

have you, Frank? No.

Turn it on.

Valerie Bitch Cole,

I'm charging you with the murder...

I killed Dave! All right!

Well? Well? Got a confession?

Hi, sir! Yes, I have, as a matter

♪ Murder most horrid!

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of the knife

♪ She's a stranger you love

♪ A caress could cost you your life

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ Wipe the sweat from your forehead