Original subtitles

♪ Murder most horrid. ♪

People of Panador,

the eyes of the world are upon us.

In two days' time, in front of

we, the People's Republic of

shall present to the world a popular

who has captured the imaginations

and we shall execute him.

So, let us try and make

It's gonna be bigger than OJ.

We are talking

We are talking video sales.

We are talking movies.

Me too. Plenty!

We too are excited.

You will be executing him live,

Quite. Gives it

And we like this guy... a lot.

He's sexy.

He's been on every chat show

People'll tune in to see him croak.

Nice choice.

However, on a less pleasant note,

I believe you've had difficulty

I didn't know that. Yvonne!

I present this show. I need someone

You must understand, there is still

He tested well in our focus groups.

There is concern about being known

We've arranged, therefore,

Pasa la pasta.

Benjamin Trethansis. He's a good

Pity... We would

A woman?! A woman executioner?

Oh, that's great. I like it.

It's sexy... But we shouldn't

Mr Hoffmeyer, where would

Daisy?

What is it?

Franklin wants to see you.

Sorry.

SHE KNOCKS

Mr Franklin, Bill said...

Cheers. Thanks a lot.

So, how's life

Oh, we've got rid of most of it,

I believe you're off on holiday

But don't worry, I'll be back.

Yeah. Why does someone like you

Ah, well...

So I've heard.

I wanted to work

The reason I ask

How can I put this?

...a lower than average kill rate.

Well, I am a bit clumsy with the

I mean, it's not helping anyone

I've been looking

In the last fortnight

Well... I'm sorry!

You're letting me go, aren't you?

I'm very fond of you.

But you should

Have the others been complaining?

I keep my finger on the pulse

I'm sorry.

BLEATING

Ah, sweetheart.

Goodbye, babe.

Ladies and gentlemen,

We are currently

Those on the left of the aircraft

We should be landing in...

Sorry, that's probably

I'm sorry? Just saying

Oh, you're the cook!

A lot of our stuff ends up

Isn't that nice? Yeah.

So, what d'you think?

It's very nice.

Well, perhaps a little tough.

Something wrong?

It just... a little difficult,

You don't need to worry.

I'm sure. They don't feel a thing.

I do understand.

That piece comes from...

Oh... Oh, sorry!

People have a problem

I have to deal with

I have just lost my job,

Please, I don't mean to offend.

Yeah, well.

As a matter of fact

I happen to be in the

Are you really?! 'Fraid so.

What, with us next to each other?!

Absolutely.

Why are you queasy about the meat?

No, I know what you mean.

Oh, well look.

Daisy, right. Daisy Talwinning.

Benjemin Trethansis.

I think I can manage a little more.

Professional courtesy.

And I'll shut up, eh?

Yeah, right.

CROAKS AND SPLUTTERS

You're not choking, are you?

How embarrassing! 'Scuse me!

He's choking. Do you know the

You all right, mate?

IS THERE A DOCTOR?! Don't panic.

Miss Talwinning?

Don't blame yourself.

He choked. On the meat, he choked.

Actually... Actually, he didn't.

What? He didn't choke on his food.

Don't tell anyone I told you this

0but apparently he choked

...wristwatch.

Oh, excuse me.

Ain't you been told?

Ain't you

Oh!

Don't you speak English? Que?

Que?

He won't be coming!

Cos he's dead.

Yeah, Trathansis. He died!

He's completely, you know?

You do understand me, don't you?

Trethansis...

choked on the plane.

Where you going with that?

What's wrong?

It wasn't my fault. He choked!

Don't hurt me!

Please! Please!

I'll come quietly.

What's happening now?

Que?

Mr Hoffmeyer?

Don't ask me how,

Great. That's excellent.

Get the bitch here!

Mr Maddox, don't ask me how,

Book the bitch!

I did it!

Welcome to Panador.

Better for the job.

Job?

This is General Alberto,

No... Is it?!

Right, well, look...

It's a pleasure to work with you

Please, please!

Sit!

Ooh! Cheers. Cheers, yeah. We might have crossed wires,

We might have crossed wires,

Of course you are.

Thanks, babe. Great.

In England no-one cares what I do,

it's more popular, my line of work.

I'm Daniel Hoffmeyer. Hi.

I'll be coordinating the broadcast.

This is Yvonne. She'll be

We'll translate

Hi. Right, hi. Cheers.

It's really great you're

This is a press pack with clippings

Can I just say,

We should keep that.

Can I ask exactly what kind

Exactly! What kind of an animal?

Yeah, what kind?

A pig!

I'm best with pigs. Great!

Would you mind if we got

All right, yeah. Good here, innit?

It's important in a civilised, tasteful

in a civilised, tasteful

Absolutely. I'm right with you.

You'd be surprised

Civilised, tasteful and humane.

Well, just a few points of protocol

Yeah.

Right. Well... I was thinking...

How 'bout sausages?

That is

Where I come from it is, anyway.

We have a sausage barbecue

We could have a recipe feature.

Yeah!

I don't know where you're going

Right, all I'm saying is...

Oh, sorry.

Er... hello there.

Is there a problem?

Er... no. No.

What is this talk of sausages?

Er... Oh, that!

Ha ha ha! It's just a little joke!

Miss Talwinning,

That's him, yeah.

Right... Right, well, got it.

Right, well, cheers. Thanks a lot.

I'll get back to you

I'll get back to you GUN IS COCKED

What is going on here?!

Estimate! Sausages!

This must be resolved now.

Right, well, fair enough.

Well, in that case...

What do you mean you can't?!

Er... obviously yes, but I...

Miss Talwinning,

Are you telling me

'It became clear to Aylesbury...'

'Other males associate with her...'

'Rebel leader Raul Menandes

wanted to publicise

'Well, today he's finally made it.'

KEYS JANGLE

Hello.

I'll be your executioner for today.

I see.

It's nice here, isn't it? Bit damp.

So, is this... er... like...

is this your first live TV?

Yes. Yes, it is. Yes.

You... um... you nervous?

I don't plan on making it a career.

This is not

But you play fair by me and I'll...

Gas me to death? Yeah.

Look, here's how it is.

as part of a big team,

DOOR CLANGS

See that bloke there?

It's spelt with a J, but they say

He's there in case anything

You're killing me.

SHE SOBS

Excuse me.

Are you all right?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

What is your name?

Daisy, I am happy to die

Are you? Yes. God, you're so brave.

Thank you.

I think we'd better go.

All right, yeah.

I can't! I can't do it!

Would it help to use the blindfold?

Thanks so much. That's brilliant!

Oh, yeah. Course.

Sorry. That's stupid, embarrassing.

Now, I'm afraid it is time to go.

Right... Oh, no! I'm going again!

I'll be with you

All right, you promise?

This is the first time

You'd never guess. You're

Come on.

I can't. Come on.

We are making a statement

This regime means business.

Well that's great!

And you've got your entire

'Yes, indeed-ee. These are my boys!'

'Aren't you handsome

There's one little question

I've got to ask.

People want to know, General,

What?

RECORD!

When's that being released?

I think the main party's arriving.

'Yes! Here they come!'

'That's Raul Menandes, the rebel

'Our executioner

We were hoping

but General Alberto feels

But I think I can confidently say

Let's have a quick word with

Feeling confident?

I think so. Can you handle him?

Pretty much, yeah.

No, I work with animals. Animals?

Yeah, farm animals.

Is there much demand for that?

You must know

I do, actually. Yeah, I do.

We're just about ready back there.

Before we go on, I want to add

Don't try this at home.

'Daisy, if you'd like

Right, well... um...

in this dish

Come on, Daisy. You can do it!

There's one of these

Yeah, and when I release the lever

one of those pellets

Releasing the fumes of death.

Can we have a look at one of those?

They're pretty horrible, I'm afraid.

I've got to be careful.

GET ON WITH IT!

I've got my watch on!

I don't know how they make them.

I'm wearing my watch!

SEAL THE STUDIO!

She's gonna kill everyone.

SHE MOUTHS

Oh, of course.

Do you want me to cut? No way!

Gallery? Can you hear me?!

SHE MOUTHS

Put him at the front! What? For the

There's no room!

Won't the gun break the glass?

You can't open it! The gas!

No, no, no. It's all right. Breathe.

See, it's all right.

You're free, you see!

SHE MOUTHS

Of course! The pellets

They said it was dangerous! As if!

You mean the entire

has humiliated itself

Cut!

Cut the camera!

CUT THE CAMERA!

Darling!

Darling!

Darling, wonderful news!

We've seized the last

Now his evil regime is at an end.

Ah, that's great.

Think you'll execute them all?

Good, cos there's

Well, there's a lot of them to do,

Wherever did you find him?

Oh, we've got rid

I've invited our guest to dinner.

Two of my

D'you know what?

♪ Murder most horrid!

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of the knife

♪ She's a stranger

♪ A caress could cost you your life

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ La-la-la-la lorrid!