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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,959 'First, gentle reader, 2 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,959 'My name is, or WAS, Maud Jenkins, 3 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,959 'and my extraordinary tale begins 4 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,799 'I was housekeeper 5 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,959 'one Mr Adams, 6 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,959 Maud! Maud! 7 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,959 What have you done 8 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,959 I've no wish to do anything with 9 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,159 Eh?...No, My copy of Grey's anatomy! 10 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,959 Nothing, sir. 11 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,159 'I was fascinated 12 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:12,959 'and, with the knowledge I picked up 13 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,959 'I'd swear I was 14 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:20,959 'to those who couldn't pay Adams's 15 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,959 He's feverish AND sweating 16 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:28,959 It's the chilly sweats, I KNOW it 17 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,959 He's got something 18 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,959 My God! Something Latin! 19 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,159 Influenza. 20 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:43,959 Woe is me! The Devil has seen 21 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,959 What is it, Doctor? 22 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:51,959 Well... basically just the chilly 23 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:57,999 Four guineas. Four guineas, sir?! 24 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:04,959 Well, that's to save the hand. 25 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:10,959 I can give you something 26 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:15,959 If that doesn't work, come back 27 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:20,959 Four parsnips. 28 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,959 All right, all right... four carrots. 29 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,959 Where the devil have you been? 30 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,479 I've been calling for an hour. 31 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:46,959 I can't read this blasted letter! 32 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,959 Wrong foot, sir? Wrong chap! 33 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,959 He'd only got a few toes, 34 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,959 but... here... 35 00:02:54,960 --> 00:03:02,959 Well, it's from your son, sir.! 36 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,959 that you would find him 37 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:09,959 a practice on land when HMS Venturer 38 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,959 I know the very thing! 39 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,959 Squire Thorpe in Suffolk has 40 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:23,959 'Although I had never met young 41 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,999 'He was a roaring drunkard 42 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:34,159 I'll wager any man 100 sovereigns 43 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:41,159 Sir! 44 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,319 Very well... 45 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:47,479 I'll wager you 46 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,959 Done, sir! 47 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,959 Hurrah! 48 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,959 100 sovereigns! 49 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,319 My son, a village doctor! In a few 50 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:25,639 What, a senile, half-witted, 51 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,959 Hmm?...Yes, that's right. 52 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,959 (Dear, dear!) 53 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,319 Maud! MAUD! 54 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,959 Sir! Sir! 55 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,959 'And so, both father and son 56 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,959 Pardon me! You were Mr Adams' 57 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:17,959 Indeed, sir. The doctor has left 58 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:23,959 You are to be out by morning. 59 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,639 That's none of my affair. Good day! 60 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,959 'It seemed to be the end 61 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:38,319 'I could have become a nurse 62 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,319 'and disposing of stools, 63 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,999 'but I couldn't, as a mere woman, 64 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,959 'ever become more than that. 65 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,959 '...Or COULD I?' 66 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,959 Dr John... 67 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:04,319 ...Dr John Adams, 68 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:09,959 I have a letter of recommendation 69 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,959 'Physician?' 70 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:17,959 I've never met a physician who was 71 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,959 ...A QUACK, sir? 72 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,959 Exactly! 73 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:27,959 Father! 74 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,959 Really? And what happened to him? 75 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:38,959 I stripped him, pushed a carrot up 76 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:43,959 He never returned. I see. 77 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,959 He was a fake! 78 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,959 Well, there it is. 79 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,479 Rent is paid to me on the first. 80 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,959 I recommend you stay away from me 81 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,959 (Charming!) 82 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,799 Come along, Katherine! 83 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,999 I am the new resident - Dr Adams. 84 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,959 Gillian, sir - the housekeeper. 85 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:27,959 Well, I'm sure we'll get on very 86 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,959 Yes... maybe not quite THAT well. 87 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:37,639 I feel it only fair to inform you, 88 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,959 who have less... sticky-out bits 89 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,959 My bags, please, Gillian. 90 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,959 'I settled in quickly and, 91 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,959 'the villagers began coming to me.' 92 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,959 Don't worry - 93 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,959 There's a new discovery - 94 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:05,959 which renders the patient insensible 95 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:11,959 Unfortunately, I haven't been able 96 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:18,999 'I soon realised that Dame Sickness 97 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,159 Sir! Quick, it's Miss Katherine! 98 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:32,959 Why the devil are YOU here? 99 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:37,959 May I, at least, examine my patient 100 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,959 Very well. But be quick 101 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:46,159 Hot head... runny nose... sore throat? 102 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,959 This is something I call 103 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,959 Note this down, it's very important. 104 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,959 She'll need this, a vitamin, see? 105 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,959 Some lemon, to SIP. Lemon... sip. 106 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:06,639 And these pills from Paris. 107 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,959 Let's see. 108 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,639 Do you know, I think 109 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,959 And she will be well? 110 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,959 You've changed... 111 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,639 Have you grown sideboards 112 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:50,799 Hell of a five o'clock shadow! 113 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:54,959 Any mountebank, butcher or quack 114 00:10:54,960 --> 00:11:02,159 So, I trust, sir, you won't need 115 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:19,959 Well, it all looks perfectly fine 116 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,959 I can't stop showing it to people! 117 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,959 Get out! 118 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:42,959 "Squire Thorpe requests the pleasure 119 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,959 Get OUT! 120 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,959 Thank you, Gillian. 121 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,959 Well, well, well... 122 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,479 I'm glad to see you 123 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,959 All thanks to the good doctor, here. 124 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,959 Where have you 125 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:16,959 Word has it that you were 126 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,799 You see, Gerald? 127 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,959 Gerald went to Ipswich, didn't you? 128 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:28,959 A sailor! I knew it! Really? Yes. 129 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,959 ...the CUT... 130 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,959 ...of his breeches! 131 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,959 What was your ship? 132 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,959 Yes! Lost with all hands 133 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,959 a few months ago, was she not? 134 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,959 Fortunately, I had left her 135 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,959 Very fortunate! 136 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:47,959 Thank goodness! 137 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,959 I did, of course, see some action... 138 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,999 I can imagine! 139 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,959 ...and was WOUNDED. 140 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:02,959 ...Perhaps the ladies would like 141 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,959 Yes, yes! 142 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,959 No Doctor! 143 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,959 You may not come with us! 144 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,959 Doctor! 145 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,479 Good God, no! 146 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:25,959 What, spend the next two hours 147 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:32,959 Women are delightful creatures 148 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:38,959 One may as well try 149 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:47,959 God forbid they should ever get 150 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:56,159 God forbid they ever join the army, 151 00:13:56,160 --> 00:14:00,959 In my opinion, sir, women are 152 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,159 Well... er... quite! 153 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,959 Gentlemen, 154 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,959 Havana cigars! 155 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:14,959 So, Squire Thorpe... 156 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:20,999 I am surrounded by women... 157 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,959 another one? 158 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,799 For sexual intercourse. 159 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,959 Well, there is THAT, I suppose, yes. 160 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,959 Awfully good cigars! 161 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,959 Very patchy grouse this year. 162 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,959 Old chap?...I say... 163 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,959 Old chap? 164 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,319 Here, old chap. 165 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,479 Have a glass of water... 166 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,959 Fine, yes, fine, thank you. 167 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,959 Come, Father! 168 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,959 You may no longer deprive us 169 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,959 Very well, my dear. Gentlemen... 170 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,319 ...would you...? 171 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:51,999 I HOPE, sir, I may be forgiven for 172 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,959 Indeed, sir. 173 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,959 You're a good chap! It'll be good 174 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:06,479 'Squire Thorpe and I became 175 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:12,959 'Indeed, as we spent more time 176 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:17,959 Show me a woman who would tramp 177 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,959 or shoot, drink ale 178 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:25,959 one who likes a briar pipe and 179 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,959 Show me such a woman 180 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,959 Doctor Adams? Yes. 181 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:47,959 Doctor John Adams junior 182 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,959 No, sir. I am introducing myself. 183 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,999 I am Dr John Adams junior 184 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,959 What I want to know is... 185 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:08,639 You're not dead, then? I don't 186 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:13,159 What do you want? 187 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:20,959 ...I visit my father to find that 188 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:27,318 This chap's using my name, 189 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:30,959 and doing very nicely, 190 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:35,959 Well... it seems to me that someone's 191 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:40,959 So, what I want, sir, is a place 192 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,959 'John Adams came to live with me.' 193 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,959 'My erstwhile pleasant life 194 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,159 I'm going to the ale-house! So? 195 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,959 So... MONEY, Doctor. 196 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,959 Why, thank you! Doctor (!) 197 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:24,959 'I offered him large sums to leave 198 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,959 '...Unless he was hiding 199 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,639 Good morning. Doctor Adams? 200 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,959 Good morning, sir. May I help? 201 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:44,319 Now, we've come to perform a small 202 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:49,959 The operation we have in mind 203 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,959 you owe to our employer - Mr Tysson 204 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:59,479 ...neither of us are 205 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:04,479 so, should it not be possible, 206 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,959 But I'm not him! 207 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:12,959 So, shall we start with all the 208 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,959 In that drawer. 209 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,959 Dear! 210 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,959 Dear, dear, dear! 211 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,959 What the blue blazes is going on? 212 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,799 Seize them, Beezer! 213 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,959 Satisfied customers, Doctor? 214 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,959 You have saved my life. 215 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:55,959 Not at all. I'm not one for 216 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,959 I've come to make you 217 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,959 Marriage? 218 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,959 Aye - what do you say? 219 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:09,959 How did you know, sir? 220 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,479 and the fact is, dammit, I like you. 221 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,959 I'm very flattered, sir. 222 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,959 I love you and will be yours. 223 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:27,159 I'm sure you and Katherine will be 224 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,959 I said... er... 225 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:33,799 ...I'd love to... and will be 226 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:39,959 Right! Well, there it is! 227 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:52,959 'One thing was clear. 228 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,959 'And I had one advantage over young 229 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,959 'but he DIDN'T know 230 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,959 'I had a cleavage 231 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:06,959 More ale! 232 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,959 Barman! A tot of rum, if you please! 233 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,959 Rum - that's a sailor's drink. 234 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:21,639 Aye! And the nearest any girl 235 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,959 You like a sailor, then, do ye? 236 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,319 I can't resist 'em! 237 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,959 And, if I told you I was a sailor? 238 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,999 I should say I knowed so, sir. 239 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,319 I can tell a seafaring man 240 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:46,639 Barman! More rum. 241 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,159 What have you in mind? 242 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:54,959 Well, I'll lay the contents 243 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:59,159 that if you whisper the name 244 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,959 I'll know it by watching you walk 245 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,319 You'll name my ship 246 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,479 Yes. 247 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,959 I'll take your money, madam. 248 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,959 Now. 249 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,959 Were you disguising your walk 250 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,959 No. 251 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,959 Why, then, your ship 252 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:39,959 Aye! 253 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,639 Remarkable! 254 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,959 What is your name, witch? 255 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,959 Maud, sir. Now, Maud, I like you. 256 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,159 And there's plenty more of that! 257 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,959 Yes? Let's just say 258 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,959 the doctor and I have an 259 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:05,959 Some gentlmen were looking for the 260 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:11,799 and a shorter one with dark eyes. 261 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,959 Aye, he did. Why, do you know them? 262 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:20,959 By reputation. They seek me for 263 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,959 No, they were looking for Dr Adams. 264 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,959 I am Adams. He is an impostor! 265 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,959 What will you do, sir? 266 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,959 I don't know. 267 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,999 Seems to me a very SIMPLE problem. 268 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,959 Why not just arrange the death 269 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,639 of Doctor Adams? 270 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,959 ...what DO you mean? 271 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:52,959 Well, write him a letter, asking him 272 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,959 to settle affairs between you, 273 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,959 Excellent! 274 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:04,959 'So, I returned to Dorset, to become 275 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,959 He's here. He's in the drawing room. 276 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,999 Don't forget - the poison's 277 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,959 In the claret, got it! 278 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:55,999 Well! 279 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,159 My dear sir! 280 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:05,959 So, what am I to call you? 281 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:11,959 All right, all right! No need to be 282 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,959 I think you'll find this 283 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,959 For myself, I prefer port. 284 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,959 Your health! 285 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,959 So... how was your journey? 286 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,959 Myself, I find the Bratton road 287 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,959 Helps to work up a thirst, 288 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,959 You wrote of affairs 289 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:46,959 Affairs?...Yes... affairs, yes. 290 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,959 Down the hatch! Bottoms up! 291 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,959 Anuses aloft! 292 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,959 Buttocks in the belfry! 293 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:05,959 And again! Your very, 294 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,959 Delicious! 295 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:28,159 Excuse me, sir, I need to speak 296 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:32,959 Maud! 297 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:35,999 Maud! 298 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,959 Where the devil are you? 299 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,799 Maud! 300 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,959 There you are! I don't understand 301 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:57,959 He's not even pissed, let alone 302 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,959 Yes, sir. It works 303 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,639 In the port?! 304 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,799 Ashes to ashes, 305 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:36,639 'Mr Adams left me his house, 306 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,319 'the toast of all England.' 307 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:44,479 "To Florence..." Nightingale. 308 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:51,959 "...with very best wishes for the 309 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,159 Don't forget your lamp, now! 310 00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:01,959 'I had finally settled in a house 311 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,959 'One day, a neighbour came 312 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,959 Good morning, ma'am. My name is 313 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:17,959 How do you do, sir? Would you like 314 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,959 Aye! I will! 315 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,959 And then, after we've fished, 316 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,959 and shot half the animal life 317 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,959 and smoked all the baccy 318 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,959 perhaps you'd join me upstairs, 319 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:41,799 to that little John Thomas of yours. 320 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,959 'And that, gentle reader, 321 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,999 'The story of Maud Thorpe 20531

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