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'First, gentle reader,
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'My name is, or WAS, Maud Jenkins,
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'and my extraordinary tale begins
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'I was housekeeper
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'one Mr Adams,
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Maud! Maud!
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What have you done
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I've no wish to do anything with
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Eh?...No, My copy of Grey's anatomy!
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Nothing, sir.
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'I was fascinated
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'and, with the knowledge I picked up
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'I'd swear I was
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'to those who couldn't pay Adams's
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He's feverish AND sweating
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It's the chilly sweats, I KNOW it
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He's got something
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My God! Something Latin!
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Influenza.
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Woe is me! The Devil has seen
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What is it, Doctor?
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Well... basically just the chilly
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Four guineas. Four guineas, sir?!
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Well, that's to save the hand.
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I can give you something
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If that doesn't work, come back
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Four parsnips.
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All right, all right... four carrots.
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Where the devil have you been?
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I've been calling for an hour.
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I can't read this blasted letter!
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Wrong foot, sir? Wrong chap!
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He'd only got a few toes,
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but... here...
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Well, it's from your son, sir.!
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that you would find him
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a practice on land when HMS Venturer
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I know the very thing!
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Squire Thorpe in Suffolk has
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'Although I had never met young
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'He was a roaring drunkard
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I'll wager any man 100 sovereigns
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Sir!
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Very well...
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I'll wager you
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Done, sir!
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Hurrah!
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100 sovereigns!
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My son, a village doctor! In a few
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What, a senile, half-witted,
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Hmm?...Yes, that's right.
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(Dear, dear!)
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Maud! MAUD!
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Sir! Sir!
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'And so, both father and son
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Pardon me! You were Mr Adams'
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Indeed, sir. The doctor has left
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You are to be out by morning.
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That's none of my affair. Good day!
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'It seemed to be the end
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'I could have become a nurse
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'and disposing of stools,
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'but I couldn't, as a mere woman,
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'ever become more than that.
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'...Or COULD I?'
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Dr John...
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...Dr John Adams,
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I have a letter of recommendation
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'Physician?'
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I've never met a physician who was
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...A QUACK, sir?
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Exactly!
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Father!
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Really? And what happened to him?
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I stripped him, pushed a carrot up
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He never returned. I see.
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He was a fake!
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Well, there it is.
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Rent is paid to me on the first.
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I recommend you stay away from me
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(Charming!)
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Come along, Katherine!
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I am the new resident - Dr Adams.
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Gillian, sir - the housekeeper.
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Well, I'm sure we'll get on very
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Yes... maybe not quite THAT well.
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I feel it only fair to inform you,
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who have less... sticky-out bits
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My bags, please, Gillian.
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'I settled in quickly and,
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'the villagers began coming to me.'
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Don't worry -
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There's a new discovery -
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which renders the patient insensible
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Unfortunately, I haven't been able
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'I soon realised that Dame Sickness
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Sir! Quick, it's Miss Katherine!
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Why the devil are YOU here?
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May I, at least, examine my patient
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Very well. But be quick
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Hot head... runny nose... sore throat?
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This is something I call
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Note this down, it's very important.
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She'll need this, a vitamin, see?
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Some lemon, to SIP. Lemon... sip.
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And these pills from Paris.
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Let's see.
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Do you know, I think
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And she will be well?
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You've changed...
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Have you grown sideboards
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Hell of a five o'clock shadow!
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Any mountebank, butcher or quack
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So, I trust, sir, you won't need
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Well, it all looks perfectly fine
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I can't stop showing it to people!
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Get out!
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"Squire Thorpe requests the pleasure
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Get OUT!
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Thank you, Gillian.
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Well, well, well...
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I'm glad to see you
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All thanks to the good doctor, here.
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Where have you
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Word has it that you were
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You see, Gerald?
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Gerald went to Ipswich, didn't you?
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A sailor! I knew it! Really? Yes.
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...the CUT...
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...of his breeches!
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What was your ship?
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Yes! Lost with all hands
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a few months ago, was she not?
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Fortunately, I had left her
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Very fortunate!
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Thank goodness!
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I did, of course, see some action...
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I can imagine!
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...and was WOUNDED.
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...Perhaps the ladies would like
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Yes, yes!
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No Doctor!
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You may not come with us!
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Doctor!
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Good God, no!
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What, spend the next two hours
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Women are delightful creatures
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One may as well try
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God forbid they should ever get
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God forbid they ever join the army,
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In my opinion, sir, women are
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Well... er... quite!
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Gentlemen,
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Havana cigars!
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So, Squire Thorpe...
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I am surrounded by women...
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another one?
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For sexual intercourse.
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Well, there is THAT, I suppose, yes.
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Awfully good cigars!
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Very patchy grouse this year.
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Old chap?...I say...
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Old chap?
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Here, old chap.
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Have a glass of water...
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Fine, yes, fine, thank you.
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Come, Father!
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You may no longer deprive us
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Very well, my dear. Gentlemen...
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...would you...?
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I HOPE, sir, I may be forgiven for
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Indeed, sir.
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You're a good chap! It'll be good
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'Squire Thorpe and I became
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'Indeed, as we spent more time
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Show me a woman who would tramp
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or shoot, drink ale
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one who likes a briar pipe and
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Show me such a woman
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Doctor Adams? Yes.
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Doctor John Adams junior
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No, sir. I am introducing myself.
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I am Dr John Adams junior
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What I want to know is...
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You're not dead, then? I don't
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What do you want?
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...I visit my father to find that
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This chap's using my name,
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and doing very nicely,
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Well... it seems to me that someone's
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So, what I want, sir, is a place
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'John Adams came to live with me.'
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'My erstwhile pleasant life
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I'm going to the ale-house! So?
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So... MONEY, Doctor.
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Why, thank you! Doctor (!)
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'I offered him large sums to leave
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'...Unless he was hiding
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Good morning. Doctor Adams?
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Good morning, sir. May I help?
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Now, we've come to perform a small
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The operation we have in mind
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you owe to our employer - Mr Tysson
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...neither of us are
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so, should it not be possible,
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But I'm not him!
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So, shall we start with all the
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In that drawer.
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Dear!
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Dear, dear, dear!
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What the blue blazes is going on?
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Seize them, Beezer!
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Satisfied customers, Doctor?
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You have saved my life.
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Not at all. I'm not one for
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I've come to make you
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Marriage?
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Aye - what do you say?
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How did you know, sir?
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and the fact is, dammit, I like you.
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I'm very flattered, sir.
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I love you and will be yours.
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I'm sure you and Katherine will be
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I said... er...
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...I'd love to... and will be
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Right! Well, there it is!
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'One thing was clear.
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'And I had one advantage over young
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'but he DIDN'T know
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'I had a cleavage
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More ale!
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Barman! A tot of rum, if you please!
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Rum - that's a sailor's drink.
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Aye! And the nearest any girl
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You like a sailor, then, do ye?
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I can't resist 'em!
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And, if I told you I was a sailor?
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I should say I knowed so, sir.
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I can tell a seafaring man
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Barman! More rum.
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What have you in mind?
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Well, I'll lay the contents
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that if you whisper the name
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I'll know it by watching you walk
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You'll name my ship
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Yes.
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I'll take your money, madam.
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Now.
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Were you disguising your walk
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No.
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Why, then, your ship
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Aye!
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Remarkable!
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What is your name, witch?
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Maud, sir. Now, Maud, I like you.
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And there's plenty more of that!
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Yes? Let's just say
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the doctor and I have an
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Some gentlmen were looking for the
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and a shorter one with dark eyes.
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Aye, he did. Why, do you know them?
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By reputation. They seek me for
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No, they were looking for Dr Adams.
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I am Adams. He is an impostor!
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What will you do, sir?
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I don't know.
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Seems to me a very SIMPLE problem.
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Why not just arrange the death
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of Doctor Adams?
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...what DO you mean?
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Well, write him a letter, asking him
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to settle affairs between you,
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Excellent!
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'So, I returned to Dorset, to become
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He's here. He's in the drawing room.
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Don't forget - the poison's
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In the claret, got it!
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Well!
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My dear sir!
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So, what am I to call you?
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All right, all right! No need to be
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I think you'll find this
283
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,959
For myself, I prefer port.
284
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,959
Your health!
285
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,959
So... how was your journey?
286
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,959
Myself, I find the Bratton road
287
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,959
Helps to work up a thirst,
288
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,959
You wrote of affairs
289
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:46,959
Affairs?...Yes... affairs, yes.
290
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,959
Down the hatch! Bottoms up!
291
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,959
Anuses aloft!
292
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,959
Buttocks in the belfry!
293
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:05,959
And again! Your very,
294
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,959
Delicious!
295
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:28,159
Excuse me, sir, I need to speak
296
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:32,959
Maud!
297
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:35,999
Maud!
298
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,959
Where the devil are you?
299
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,799
Maud!
300
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,959
There you are! I don't understand
301
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:57,959
He's not even pissed, let alone
302
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,959
Yes, sir. It works
303
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,639
In the port?!
304
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,799
Ashes to ashes,
305
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:36,639
'Mr Adams left me his house,
306
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,319
'the toast of all England.'
307
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:44,479
"To Florence..." Nightingale.
308
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:51,959
"...with very best wishes for the
309
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,159
Don't forget your lamp, now!
310
00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:01,959
'I had finally settled in a house
311
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,959
'One day, a neighbour came
312
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,959
Good morning, ma'am. My name is
313
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:17,959
How do you do, sir? Would you like
314
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,959
Aye! I will!
315
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,959
And then, after we've fished,
316
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,959
and shot half the animal life
317
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,959
and smoked all the baccy
318
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,959
perhaps you'd join me upstairs,
319
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:41,799
to that little John Thomas of yours.
320
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,959
'And that, gentle reader,
321
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,999
'The story of Maud Thorpe
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