Original subtitles

Cowabunga, all you surfing dudes!

You know, Shakespeare really knew

This week, doppelgangers.

The idea that out there, there is

how come the Germans have got

Hello, Mrs Dixon! How's your mother?

Good.

But I don't know...

Some weather we're having!

Yes, isn't it?

I know.

Fruitini.

Sorry, sorry!

No brioche! I can't believe it.

We've got brioche, madam.

Those aren't brioche.

It's supposed to be a romantic

I'm very sorry, madam, but perhaps

And where was that made,

I'd like to see the manager.

Good, well, then you'll know

Stupid idiot!

Gary, if you're there,

Gary? Hi, it's me. Mwah, mwah...

You're not?

You're not!

Are you really?

Look, the shops are just impossible.

About an hour, I think.

I have to pop home first.

I've got a little piece of

I love you, too. Ciao. Mwah!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Taxi, stop! Stop, stop!

but could you follow that car,

You got it, toots.

Stop!

There's the money...

Tip.

Hello, Mrs Redfern.

Hello, Carla.

I'm just finishing now. Good.

Carla, by the way,

you're fired. Huh?

Bitch!

Oooh!

Aww.

"Dear Roy. Surprise, surprise!

"I don't need to tell you where

"All my love, Sonya."

Dear. There's always trouble

Nice.

'Hi, sorry we can't speak to you

'Please leave a message...' Hello?

'Don't you just hate these things?

'Hello, Sonya. Hello, Roy. It's Guy.

Bye-bye.

'Hello, darling.

'but I'm on my way over

'I thought I'd better warn you

'I'll be about ten minutes, OK?'

Sonya?

♪ So, chick, chick

♪ Chick, chick, chicken

♪ Lay a little egg

♪ Lay a little egg for me...

♪ Chick, chick, chicken... ♪

Sorry, I didn't see your car.

Sorry!

I'll use the one downstairs.

What did you say? Sorry, sorry.

Good Lord!

'Bloody hell!'

'This is bloody outrageous!

'I've a good mind

No, please don't.

Look! I can explain everything.

You don't have to,

It's those kids from the estate.

Look, they've forced the window.

Yes.

How long have you been home?

Er, about an hour.

School. At school? No, not school.

Er, shops? What? I know,

You've sacked Carla?

Well, who else was it? You've never

No! What have they done to this?

What the hell's this?

All right, your private life's

I'm only your husband, after all.

I've got to get on. I'll see you

After all,

Are you feeling all right?

Yes.

Ciao, love you! Mwah, mwah!

Sonya, darling. Bliss to see you.

Don't you look fabulous?

Darling!

The hair! Is that the new wet look?

It's so wonderfully unstyled. Mwah!

I was going to go natural myself.

I'll get the sherry.

Sonya, cigarette? No, thank you,

Well done!

Darling, love the pumps!

Ooh!

So, come on, Sonya. What's

Well? Gary! What about Gary?

What about Gary?

Ooh!

So, who is the new man in your life?

Roy? Roy?

Roy?

Hang on, everyone. I think she's

what he hasn't done!

I think he's rather nice, actually.

Well, somebody's changed their tune.

I think it's rude to talk about

Well, you know what they say? Nasty

I see. I think if you can't think of

Well, I must be

I've got to pick up Benji from the

My turn next week.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Hi, Mum! Hello, little girl.

Carla never showed up.

Dear. Did you have a nice day

What did you say?

Why do you want to know?

Well, isn't that what mothers

That's what normal mothers say.

What are you after?

Just a smile and a sunbeam.

What's for supper?

Don't know.

Well, look and see what

In the fridge?

What, no brioche? I can't believe

No! What are we going to do?

Wait here.

Is this a joke?

Where's the broccoli?

Umm... But we always have broccoli.

The broccers are on strike.

There just isn't any.

Cool! Great!

So, how was your day, dear?

Not bad.

Well?

Well? Well, what happened?

Well, I think we may have got

The Whitford contract! Hurray! Do

that's absolutely my favourite one!

And I've cancelled the caterers.

Well, life is just too hectic

Finished. Can I watch the telly?

Yes, of course you can, er, dear.

Did you hear what I said?

Yes, you cancelled the caterers.

I mean, it's a farce, isn't it?

Getting all our friends round

It's not that bad, is it?

Don't pretend.

I know all about Gary Collins.

Everybody does. If you had a scrap

Well, I did try. But...

Well, I like it here.

Really?

What about Gary? Roy,

I can honestly say that Gary

So, you think maybe we should

Party? Yes, it would be lovely

Umm, what have you done to

Looks nice.

Thank you.

Where's your car? Erm...

I lost it.

You what?

Bye, Mummy.

...Jemima!

There you go. (Jemima!)

Bye-bye, Jemima!

Bye!

"Dear Roy, surprise, surprise!

That's my husband.

That's Jemima.

And that's me!

Can I pay with that?

You've forgotten to sign your card,

I hate these things, don't you?

Easy, and... Oof!

No, no, just like this. Up!

Don't give me that shit,

I'm Mrs Redfern, I should know

Well, send me a new one, then!

I don't believe it, they've only

If it's not here by Friday,

Well, home, of course.

It'll be just my luck

Yeah.

For God's sake,

Sh...

This is my dress for the party.

It'll suit me, don't you think?

I do like your hair.

John Frieda?

I think it's so rude to talk

No, thank you,

Any sign of Sonya?

Now, I know it says on your invites

but, believe me,

Roy!

Well, that's enough speeches.

Hello?

'Roy?' No, it's Guy. Who's that?

What's going on there?

Roy's having a party.

Well, why don't you come over?

Yeah, thanks, I will.

Hey, Sonya? Before you go,

you gotta undo my ankles.

Hey, Sonya!

Ladies and gentlemen, as you know,

entertains you with her unique

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

♪ Chick, chick, chick, chick,

♪ Lay a little egg for me

♪ Chick, chick, chick, chick,

Bastard!

♪...So, chick, chick

♪ Chick, chick, chicken

♪ Lay a little egg for...

What happened to Grieg?

I don't know, did he not turn up?

I mean... I mean, even you must have

Sonya? Where did you put

I know, I'll get it.

Well, well, well.

It's amazing what they can do

Pay for it with this?

Er... I'm sorry,

Well, I have come back,

to tell poor Roy and 50 guests all

Haven't you found it yet?

Good God!

This is incredible!

Well, how long has this...?

Face it, Roy, what we have here

of breaking and entering, theft,

and obviously,

So, what do you propose

Or are you going to do

♪ Murder most horrid

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of the knife

♪ She's a stranger you love

♪ A caress could cost you your life

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ La, la, la, la, la, lorrid

♪ Murder most horrid