Original subtitles

Beware jealousy!

Shakespeare knew

being no stranger to quotes.

This week, jealousy - Shakespeare

I see it more

with green pus all over its head

and with maggoty lizards hanging

But that's just my personal view.

There you are,

we should soon have a great display

But now, back over to Bunty,

I can't wait to see

There's something else that

David Bolt from Oxford

"Dear Write Away, it's Mothers' Day

Yes, David, I can!

I can do that Write Away!

How many times has your mother

I know I have! Not any more!

Have a look at THIS!

I call it the Write Away

Now,

All you need is a piece of felt...

...some nice thick card, and empty

When you've got all of those,

Two minutes, Colin! God,

That garden really matters to kids.

...Both want to be air hostesses...

Six months ago, I'd never have

Muffin the Mule Children's

You can't argue with that! No...

She's been making that crappy

I remember making it!

And Colin's going to reveal

That's right, Bunty!

15 tons!...Of milk bottle tops,

Marvellous! An enormous thank you

But we've still got

So please, please, please don't

so that we can build

for abused donkeys like Ned here.

I can't wait to see

So, until then, it's huge...

It's a huge goodbye

from Colin and from me!

Don't forget - you write in...

Colin, can I have a little word?

It's a silly thing, but you sat

Yes... Friday goodbyes

You remember from rehearsals?

Yes... Now, Wednesday,

because I'm at the shelving unit,

but which now have been invaded

Well, best said. There we go!

Thank you, cameras. Thank you,

Thank you, Bunty. Well done, Colin.

I've got you both down

Bunty, a word? In a moment! I see

It's Ronald, isn't it? Donald.

I think I've got

The Share A Smile dental floss

We have a production meeting! NOW!

You promised the winners

I spent five hours

I briefly knew the full horror

There's your winner.

There's your runners-up. Thanks.

Are they the winners! Good!

Simon Grove, aged 12. Simon Grove.

Grove...

No!

That's the little creep that enters

Now, this boy needs some help!

Well, I know I'm new here,

Without children like this,

Children like this ARE the show!

Colin, I think Jonathon

I think that picture is super!

Well, I'm sorry...

Sorry to keep you in after school!

Just a couple of points to clear.

Firstly, I want to run through...

Sally, sorry.

Sweetie, cold milk is an absolute

Could I be an absolute monster and

Little note. Best said!

Now, then, Sally.

So, the Victorian tunnel shoot.

We've got it fixed up for Wednesday.

Good, now, future projects.

This looks promising! We had

They've opened a TV hall of fame

and they want to make a waxwork

out of Colin.

Me?! Really?!

No! Very nice!

A two-part item - the modelling,

Quite an honour for the programme.

Magnificent opportunity.

Why not, Bunty? Sally, Sally, Sally!

You know how we make

We take all our ideas

Call me old fashioned, Sally,

but is it our place to pick up

It'll be Madame Tussaud's today

and Richard Branson and his condoms

If a child had written in,

If you put it that way... Yes.

We can't do it. No, shame.

'It's Grove all the way!

'but surely nothing can stop Richard

'Mexico's Gonzalez surely realises

'My God! Grove's down!'

It's not right.

'Grove is down 30 metres from the

'As the stretcher arrives,

'Medics pounding at his chest...'

All those hours standing the rain

All wasted.

No more, Simon.

I mean, pardon me

with an unnecessary hood on

but there are other qualities

...No, Janet, I don't blame you!

I'm not even going to mention

...Yes, I have written it down.

Personal appearance, Streatham,

What? Just an R? Are you sure?

...What I'm trying to say

they offered me the misprint

I had lunch with Esther, twice!

But, no, no, I stayed. And has

Has there buggery!

Anyway, Janet, how was the

I've got to dash! Sorry. Bye!

"Dear Bunty..."

Here's Mother back

Let's see if she has my carrier

Now, I reckon you can get at least

And my boxes of well-known

Speak properly. You're not on TV.

Yes, all right, I got four boxes.

But we still haven't got through

Simon! At least put them

Look, Simon, I don't mind

I'll be glad when you get that gold

I'm going collecting round

Don't forget your coat. And I've

Morning!

OK, it's not very glamorous,

you're in for a treat!

Now, remember

Now we've had a letter from a child

Good one!

"My daddy took me and my sister

"I'd like to see them make

Bless her! Would you like me

That's your homework.

Just before we go, I've got some

There's a little boy, Simon,

We're well on the way to the target

It's not Simon Grove, is it?

He's so bloody keen!

Last year, silver for donating a

This kid is Bob Geldof

They're ready for you now!

I'm touched! Sally, surely this

We haven't had one for a while.

Not the canteen!

Not a bad idea. I'll think about it.

I can still remember when I got

Really? How very moving, Colin.

You all right with ladders, son?

Going down is OK, it's heights

Heights don't bother me.

Er, Bunty?

I thought we were both going down.

No, darling, I thought

It was YOU the kiddy wanted to see,

Yes, of course. And if the kids

It's the children who decide!

Let's go through to the kitchen

How are you?

It's sports day. The teacher said

Your father would have loved you

Still, we can't all be good

So we'll make a beautiful household

I thought you were going out

But first I'll do this Write Away!

Four minutes on VT.

Bunty, the revised intro

Jonathon, sweetie, I'm Mrs Muddle

Have we got a meeting tomorrow?

Good, I'm booked for a PA tomorrow.

You can't disappoint the kiddies.

I know, but they're a bit tiring.

Yesterday, I dashed

Then I opened

I was exhausted. But Princess Anne

Colin, we're not at home

(or his brother Mr Arsehole.)

'When were these tunnels built?'

1859. 1,300 miles of sewers.

318 million bricks in this lot!

It's quite low in here, isn't it?

And what about the smell?

I think I've got a hole

Jonathon, I'm glad we don't get

Now, I'm using Mr Sheen here,

Simon, this has just arrived

It's from Write Away!

It's gold! It's got to be!

I don't know! It must be.

It's an invitation. I don't know,

They never say until you're there.

I hope you're right!

"Dear Write Away, I always watch

"How about walking barefoot

"Dear Write Away, I think Colin

"I'd like to see him box

"Dear Write Away, I'd like to see

"Dear Write Away..."

And, yes, I think we can

There we can see

and right at the top,

Let's join him talking to Britain's

Th... Thank you, Bunty.

Er, so, hi... Charlie. Charlie.

So high.

So, er... how high are we, er...?

At this moment, we're 27 floors up,

about 1,125 feet

Just have a look at the cars.

God, let me OFF! Please!

Charlie, don't leave me!

Get off my bloody leg!

Dear! Poor Colin!

Still, you know,

It would be unkind and WRONG

So, on to our next letter

"Dear Write Away, can we see Bunty

Lizzie, you are an angel!

Now, I'm probably Mrs Forgetful

Sorry. I think so!

Are we up in Jonathon's office?

Bunty, I've let the kids down.

I don't want you to regard this

Well, if you've made your mind up.

There's no shame in moving

You're right.

Poppet.

Good luck.

Colin, Colin.

That's what live TV is all about.

Everybody loved what you did.

But, Sally... Look, since you

You've brought a young flavour

Deserve what? This!

Children's TV Presenter

Bunty! My God, it was

Here we are!

I was so impressed by

Simon just lives and breathes

Simon!

Tell Colin.

Every Wednesday and Friday at 5.15.

Neither of us has missed

I said to the team, we must invite

So, you mean, perhaps,

Well, mum's the word, Mum!

Do you know, I was a great fan

and, well, I just know

It would be terrible if Simon

Something ghastly has happened.

Not the garden!

We're on air in 45 minutes.

Bunty will do your item with Simon.

Get a script worked out.

Bunty! Slight reshuffle on the

Right. I've just heard, Colin,

We'll just have to get by.

(Right!)

It's Simon, isn't it?

Today will be known

One of the most tragic days

In a moment, we'll be making Josie

when I get immortalised in wax

First, our appeal. If you can

that will give you some idea

Well, Simon, I expect you know we

all the way up

It's lovely, isn't it?

Now, then, all of us here, and

So, I'm going to reward you

Here it is!

A very special Write Away biro

Congratulations, Simon!

It's from this mask that Mandi

How long will it take for the

While I'm finished off,

But we'll be back Write Away!

OK, out of the break in two minutes.

You all right in there? huh.

Is that OK? My hands were shaking!

You were doing fine! Looks great!

Shall we go and sit

Hello? Hello?

Hello? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

God!

Let me just see... Where the hell

Hi! Welcome back!

And, er... Where's Simon?

Here he is! Simon!

Well, as you probably all know,

I expect you're all dying to know

Let's have a look!

We've asked our star collector

20 tons!

Well, Mrs Grove, thank you for your

Thank you.

"The Write Away Gold Award Badge."

Gold! You must be a clever fellow

Put your gloves on, Simon, please.

There's a good boy.

♪ Murder most horrid!

♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel

♪ As cold as the blade of a knife

♪ She's a stranger you love

♪ A caress could cost you your life

♪ And you wake in the night

♪ Wearing something you borrowed

♪ Murder most horrid! ♪

Subtitles by Kathryn Drumm