Original subtitles

"Call back yesterday,

Shakespeare knew what he

God, he was really good at writing.

This week,

Or, "Hey you, fatty,

Dr Proops,

Just having a last look round.

Your home from home

That's right.

One can't depend on

Indeed you can't, Dr. Vine.

I think you and your husband deserve

think out your options.

We've just taken one, remember,

that's when you made the

I know.

I was all for keeping you on,

but you know the general

Yes, too theoretical, no

Well, exactly, we have to

That's what everyone says.

Why don't you try America?

They are always in the market for

Cold fusion and all that.

Actually I intend

Golly,

Very.

You won't have the use of

I'll manage.

Dr Proops. Yes.

Do pop back from time

Of course I will, Edie!

Bye.

Hello, Rita Proops!

Hello, love.

What have you brought home today

Crumbs. Be careful with

I'll stick it in the garage

It's very good of them, letting

It's not as if they

Why not? Because the only person

has been given the chop.

Who's that? Me!

Of course! I was thinking of

Sit down, darling.

Now because I'm based at home

we're going to be in each

So we will have lots

Yes, but I want to lay the

Starting on Monday I am

You are going to have

the cook and the housekeeper.

In there. Working.

Now, it could take weeks, it could

but if I succeed, Selwyn,

I shall have harnessed the tachyon,

Wnnff?!

OK, the manipulation of space

No, but I can still

Usually.

Do you know what could

Wiggling my ears.

Wnnff?

Exactly.

So, Monday morning, then.

Monday morning.

It's very space age, isn't it?

I'll just...

Darling, the erm...

...washing machine.

I needed a cyclotron.

Of course.

I'll go to the laundrette.

I was going to make you some coffee

You know, the plunger thingy?

Power source.

So, instant will be

Yes. Right.

Please don't come until I say.

OK.

Good morning.

Didn't you come to bed?

Worked all night.

You didn't!

Read that!

"Treasury leak sparks row."

No, not that, there. The date. June

You've done it.

Well, not quite

particles down a tachyon beam

Wnnff?

I should know more

How exciting.

Distractions permitting.

I'll not be wearing the

Seriously though,

the best spaghetti bolognese

Yow! Ooh! Ooh!

Is it lunch time yet, Selwyn?

Do I have to do

Selwyn?

Selwyn, where are you?

Buffoon!

I haven't got time for this, Selwyn.

Selwyn?

Selwyn?

Yes?

I am very busy,

When I come out.

And when will that be, pray?

I don't know, Proopsy.

Fine.

Thank you for lunch(!)

What's this? String! For your

So you bought some? Yes.

What makes you think I need string?

Because you asked for it. Well,

Only trying to help.

Any chance of lunch?

So, you WANT lunch?

Yes!

And knock!

Come in.

I turned a blind eye to the string.

The string, I thought, was

but this is a direct taunt.

You asked for it.

I asked for lunch. Lunch!

Not an unopened can of soup.

MAKE... ME... MY... LUNCH!

OK, OK, OK.

Would you like some dessert...

or anything?

No.

I better get on.

Buggery!

You've been in there, haven't you?

No, I haven't.

Is that serious?

Serious? That is my life's work

Come on, Proopsy! Let Selywn

I'm only trying to help.

Help? Help?! You are trying to

I'm not jealous! Jealous because

Are you?

It was the wind,

Stay out of here!

What's this?

You've been moving my things around.

No, I have not.

Well, it damn well wasn't me!

Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle!

Soup, string, soup, string!

When are you going to get

that I am dealing with transfinite

Mmmm?

Rita, so it's true, then.

My God!

'Emergency, which service?'

Police.

'I would therefore suggest

'that Rita Proops is a woman

'but of pity.

'Recently made redundant,

'thrust willy-nilly into the

'she retreated into a fantasy world

'in which she was building some sort

'I would urge you then to return a

'for which I may give a

Rita? Rita!

You were moping again,

I am not a moper, Helen, I am a

I just think it all

Don't you ever wish you could have

knowing what you know now?

I would have thought twice about

knowing you were part

Seriously, don't you wish

Well, of course I do! But I can't.

Look, you get out in two weeks,

stop raking over the past,

Well, maybe YOU can't Helen.

Yow! Oooh!

Here, let me have a look at that.

It's you, Proopsy. I thought

I was, come on.

How's that then?

Still stings a bit.

How about you fancy

We haven't got time for lunch, we

Am I being too noisy, I'm sorry.

No, it's just your

What? If you don't get out of this

I am being too noisy,

Yes, yes, you are being too noisy,

Now why don't you go down to the

Yes, but you didn't get

String!

Yes, not the normal hairy kind,

the smooth kind with a

Blue thread.

Wait.

There.

I'll survive.

A blue thread? Yes, and don't

Is it lunch time yet, Selwyn?

Do I have to

Selwyn?

Selwyn, where are you?

Buffoon!

I haven't got time for this, Selwyn!

Selwyn?

Yes?

I am very busy,

When I come out.

And when will that be, pray?

I don't know... Proopsy.

Fine.

He'll be all right as long as

I've got it.

What's this?

What you asked for.

Well, I don't want it,

Only trying to help.

Any chance of lunch.

So, you WANT lunch?

Yes!

And knock!

I'm sorry, darling, I'm just tired.

That's all right.

Was it the wrong sort? What?

The string.

But what I'd really like is for you

Yes, and get me

Oyster soup?

But it's got to be from Uruguay.

You don't expect me to believe

you are doing

No, off you go.

Uruguay, I knew it!

I turned a blind eye...

...Lunch!

Not an unopened can of soup!

OK, OK, OK.

I'm making it.

No, it's me. I know its you,

I'm not the woman you were

Calmed down, have we?

I'm from the future. Wnnff?

I have missed you.

You only saw me 30 seconds ago.

You're tired, why don't

The monkey wrench, I'm an idiot!

If I get rid of the monkey wrench

Lunch is ready!

The monkey wrench

I picked it up,

Where is the monkey wrench?

Where is it? Tools!

Buggery!

Buggery!

You've been in there. No, I haven't.

You are trying to sabotage me

Jealous because your wife

It was the wind,

Stay out of here!

What's this?

No, I have not.

Well, it damn well wasn't me!

Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle!

When are you ever going to

that I am dealing with transfinite

Mmmm?

Rita, so it's true, then.

My God.

'Emergency, which service?'

Police.

It's all right, love,

it's all right,

I'll be back.